@Yama
20 Years5,000+ PostsScorpio
Sun signs in a nutshell
May 21 - June 20
All Gemini are women, which explains this sign's love of cooking and cleaning. When not getting her husband another beer, the average Gemini can often be found planning her next shopping trip or crying.
A good Gemini will speak only when spoken to, and as a result, she is allowed to vote for the man of her choosing in some minor elections, including coroner and the mayor of her city.
Gemini are great to have around when you need a shirt mended or an emergency pie. However, they have been known to occasionally sass and backtalk. Nothing a sharp slap can't correct, though.
Your Future!
Don't you worry your pretty little head about it none.
All Gemini are women, which explains this sign's love of cooking and cleaning. When not getting her husband another beer, the average Gemini can often be found planning her next shopping trip or crying.
A good Gemini will speak only when spoken to, and as a result, she is allowed to vote for the man of her choosing in some minor elections, including coroner and the mayor of her city.
Gemini are great to have around when you need a shirt mended or an emergency pie. However, they have been known to occasionally sass and backtalk. Nothing a sharp slap can't correct, though.
Your Future!
Don't you worry your pretty little head about it none.
June 21 - July 22
I've never seen a Cancer who wasn't a beret wearing, Starbucks drinking, poetry reading, hippie sack of shit. That's not to say that they all are this way, but the ones who aren't, aren't actually Cancers.
And that's not to say that there's anything wrong with reading or writing poetry. Ordinary, functioning people of worth read and write poetry all the time. It's just that non-Cancers know better than to enjoy it or discuss it in any setting.
Cancer fun fact! The first goth was manufactured by a Cancer in 1987 to draw attention away from their then-illegal herbal medicine factories. Contrary to popular belief, Alanis Morissette is not a Cancer.
Your Future!
Sorry, but this is not the year that everyone stops laughing at you. It's also not the year that anyone takes you seriously or considers you even half as intelligent as you proclaim to be. Women, if you haven't already pretended to be lesbian, you might want to think about doing that soon, just to get that phase of your life out of the way. Men, if you haven't already pretended to be heterosexual, you might want to think about doing that soon, just to get that phase of your life out of the way.
I've never seen a Cancer who wasn't a beret wearing, Starbucks drinking, poetry reading, hippie sack of shit. That's not to say that they all are this way, but the ones who aren't, aren't actually Cancers.
And that's not to say that there's anything wrong with reading or writing poetry. Ordinary, functioning people of worth read and write poetry all the time. It's just that non-Cancers know better than to enjoy it or discuss it in any setting.
Cancer fun fact! The first goth was manufactured by a Cancer in 1987 to draw attention away from their then-illegal herbal medicine factories. Contrary to popular belief, Alanis Morissette is not a Cancer.
Your Future!
Sorry, but this is not the year that everyone stops laughing at you. It's also not the year that anyone takes you seriously or considers you even half as intelligent as you proclaim to be. Women, if you haven't already pretended to be lesbian, you might want to think about doing that soon, just to get that phase of your life out of the way. Men, if you haven't already pretended to be heterosexual, you might want to think about doing that soon, just to get that phase of your life out of the way.
July 23 - August 22
Leos cannot read. The text in this section is just filler, as nothing I say here will make one ounce of since to a Leo.
*Note to the person reading this to a Leo: Just start making up random things and pretended to follow these words with your eyes to make it look like you're reading. They'll never know the difference.
When you get down to the "Your Future" part, just start making up some shit about how they'll be making a major purchase soon, and they'll be finding romance in the near future. People always get off on that shit. Just be sure to keep it very general. To fill space, I'll just type some random words that I find funny.
Your Future!
Nipple. Hat. Feet. Monkey. Whop. Blubber. Chunk. Taint. Flop. Corn. Neck. Tard. Goth. Knuckle. Funk. Chink. Electrocution. Beanie Weenie. Ostrich. Crack. Pole. Hose.
Leos cannot read. The text in this section is just filler, as nothing I say here will make one ounce of since to a Leo.
*Note to the person reading this to a Leo: Just start making up random things and pretended to follow these words with your eyes to make it look like you're reading. They'll never know the difference.
When you get down to the "Your Future" part, just start making up some shit about how they'll be making a major purchase soon, and they'll be finding romance in the near future. People always get off on that shit. Just be sure to keep it very general. To fill space, I'll just type some random words that I find funny.
Your Future!
Nipple. Hat. Feet. Monkey. Whop. Blubber. Chunk. Taint. Flop. Corn. Neck. Tard. Goth. Knuckle. Funk. Chink. Electrocution. Beanie Weenie. Ostrich. Crack. Pole. Hose.
August 23 - September 22
The original term "Virgo" is Ancient Mongolian for "Dick Whipping." But it's only a coincidence that they do. The term Virgo as we know it wasn't coined until the early 1960's when Doctor Phillip Virgo discovered Earth's second moon, "Virgo" orbiting just behind our known moon, "The Moon."
Not much is known about the Virgo except that they are generally ninjas or Spider Man.
Your Future!
In the case of Spider Man, you have a very good year in store for you. Crime will be down, romance will be up, and you will finally find your financial independence. In the case of ninjas... seriously, dude, stop being a ninja. It was cool in the 1980's, but your job is finished. It's just not cool anymore. Every situation that has ever called for a ninja has been resolved. It's time to relax and reflect on a job well done.
September 23 - October 22
A Libra totally called your mom a slut. Are you gonna sit there and take that shit from him? Huh? What? No, he totally said it. I was there, and after he called your mom a slut, he called your dad a stupid fag. And fat. I was all like, "Dude! You can't be callin' people's dads fags," but he was all like, "Man, fuck those people. They're all pussies, and I'll totally kick their asses. And also, they're all a bunch of homos."
And then he said something in Iraq language and spit on an American flag. And then he set it on fire and then wiped his ass with it. I wouldn't take that shit.
Your Future!
You are completely about to get your ass handed to you. Next time, you'll think twice about fucking my sister, bitch.
A Libra totally called your mom a slut. Are you gonna sit there and take that shit from him? Huh? What? No, he totally said it. I was there, and after he called your mom a slut, he called your dad a stupid fag. And fat. I was all like, "Dude! You can't be callin' people's dads fags," but he was all like, "Man, fuck those people. They're all pussies, and I'll totally kick their asses. And also, they're all a bunch of homos."
And then he said something in Iraq language and spit on an American flag. And then he set it on fire and then wiped his ass with it. I wouldn't take that shit.
Your Future!
You are completely about to get your ass handed to you. Next time, you'll think twice about fucking my sister, bitch.
October 23 - November 21
Students of drama and band, the average Scorpio aspires to be a famous Broadway performer or member of a successful vocal jazz quartet. Most can name six or seven of these glory stories off the top of their heads. Those who can't, eventually give up and become an Aries.
One Friday each month, all Scorpios gather for a non-alcoholic pizza party, where they rave about current plays and perform impromptu scat for each other. Most Scorpios graduate college and fail at life, taking on a new career as a high school band teacher or guidance counselor.
All Scorpios are afraid of money.
Your Future!
Heh. Hehehe. Hehehehehehehe. Hahahahaha! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh, MAN! "Future." *Whew*
Students of drama and band, the average Scorpio aspires to be a famous Broadway performer or member of a successful vocal jazz quartet. Most can name six or seven of these glory stories off the top of their heads. Those who can't, eventually give up and become an Aries.
One Friday each month, all Scorpios gather for a non-alcoholic pizza party, where they rave about current plays and perform impromptu scat for each other. Most Scorpios graduate college and fail at life, taking on a new career as a high school band teacher or guidance counselor.
All Scorpios are afraid of money.
Your Future!
Heh. Hehehe. Hehehehehehehe. Hahahahaha! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh, MAN! "Future." *Whew*
November 22 - December 21
The Sagittarius love things that are fun, and generally dislike things that are not enjoyable. Most members of this sign enjoy particular types of food, frequently ordering meals that include these "favorites." Noticeable physical traits include colored eyes and male and/or female genitalia, which can be used for urination, sex, or sometimes both.
Most, if not all, Sagittarians have a stance on religion, either believing in a higher deity or no deity at all. They have also been known to seek out romantic companionships in the form of sex and/or love. When confronted with the question, "What is your favorite type of music," they will normally show their broad appreciation of the arts by boasting that they "like all kinds of music. Except like, you know, opera and stuff like that."
Your Future!
Prepare for a good year, but be careful in case anything bad happens. In August, you'll be making at least two purchases that cost more than five dollars. Sometime around November or December, for a brief time, you will become cold. But don't worry. Simply putting on a jacket or turning up the heat will take care of that in a jiffy! Don't like being wet? I'd keep a towel handy if I were you because sometime soon, you will be needing to dry off. According to the path and position of Venus throughout the month of July, it is likely that this towel will be needed in the bathroom. Before this time tomorrow, you will become hungry.
The Sagittarius love things that are fun, and generally dislike things that are not enjoyable. Most members of this sign enjoy particular types of food, frequently ordering meals that include these "favorites." Noticeable physical traits include colored eyes and male and/or female genitalia, which can be used for urination, sex, or sometimes both.
Most, if not all, Sagittarians have a stance on religion, either believing in a higher deity or no deity at all. They have also been known to seek out romantic companionships in the form of sex and/or love. When confronted with the question, "What is your favorite type of music," they will normally show their broad appreciation of the arts by boasting that they "like all kinds of music. Except like, you know, opera and stuff like that."
Your Future!
Prepare for a good year, but be careful in case anything bad happens. In August, you'll be making at least two purchases that cost more than five dollars. Sometime around November or December, for a brief time, you will become cold. But don't worry. Simply putting on a jacket or turning up the heat will take care of that in a jiffy! Don't like being wet? I'd keep a towel handy if I were you because sometime soon, you will be needing to dry off. According to the path and position of Venus throughout the month of July, it is likely that this towel will be needed in the bathroom. Before this time tomorrow, you will become hungry.
No Dates. Capricorns do not exist.
(picture will just be a red x)
Capricorns do not exist.
Your Future!
None. Capricorns do not exist.
(picture will just be a red x)
Capricorns do not exist.
Your Future!
None. Capricorns do not exist.
January 20 - February 18
One time, I knew this guy who was an Aquarius, and he used to buy us beer all the time 'cause we weren't old enough to buy it ourselves and the guy at the counter was a total douche and he wouldn't sell it to us but the Aquarius did and he only wanted a pack of smokes and a free beer for doing it so he was cool and he used to party with us and get drunk and one time he puked in my mom's sink and we were all like, "DUDE you can't be pukin' in here 'cause my mom'll flip the fuck out you gotta clean that shit up before she gets home" but she came home early and told us that we were all grounded because we weren't allowed to have an Aquarius in the house because it made the moons all fucked up and it turned my brother gay and start eating lots of ham and he never liked guys or ham before.
Your Future!
Don't be buyin' beer for guys who are young because you'll get them in trouble and if you do buy them beer don't puke in their sink because it'll make their relatives gay and they'll get grounded and eat a shitload of ham like crazy people.
One time, I knew this guy who was an Aquarius, and he used to buy us beer all the time 'cause we weren't old enough to buy it ourselves and the guy at the counter was a total douche and he wouldn't sell it to us but the Aquarius did and he only wanted a pack of smokes and a free beer for doing it so he was cool and he used to party with us and get drunk and one time he puked in my mom's sink and we were all like, "DUDE you can't be pukin' in here 'cause my mom'll flip the fuck out you gotta clean that shit up before she gets home" but she came home early and told us that we were all grounded because we weren't allowed to have an Aquarius in the house because it made the moons all fucked up and it turned my brother gay and start eating lots of ham and he never liked guys or ham before.
Your Future!
Don't be buyin' beer for guys who are young because you'll get them in trouble and if you do buy them beer don't puke in their sink because it'll make their relatives gay and they'll get grounded and eat a shitload of ham like crazy people.
Credit to the original writer, whoever he/she may be.
Sure did🙂, that's why I wrote-"Credit to the original writer, whoever he/she may be."
what the hell why doesn't cap exist !!
pfft looked forward to nothing.
pfft looked forward to nothing.
hey "mr. special" , we pick on everyone :-P
ROTFLMAO @ Aquarius! That was super funny!
What happened to Pisces?
Well, the Pisces one wasn't really funny, so I didn't post it.
rotlmmfao @ aquarius! holy shit, that was hilarious.
"Cancer fun fact! The first goth was manufactured by a Cancer in 1987 to draw attention away from their then-illegal herbal medicine factories. Contrary to popular belief, Alanis Morissette is not a Cancer."
"Aries fun fact! The death threat was invented by an Aries in the year 1217."
"A good Gemini will speak only when spoken to, and as a result, she is allowed to vote for the man of her choosing in some minor elections, including coroner and the mayor of her city."
"One Friday each month, all Scorpios gather for a non-alcoholic pizza party, where they rave about current plays and perform impromptu scat for each other."
"You are completely about to get your ass handed to you. Next time, you'll think twice about fucking my sister, bitch."
"Your Future!
Nipple. Hat. Feet. Monkey. Whop. Blubber. Chunk. Taint. Flop. Corn. Neck. Tard. Goth. Knuckle. Funk. Chink. Electrocution. Beanie Weenie. Ostrich. Crack. Pole. Hose."
Just a few of the highlights, in my opinion. Oh yeah
and lmao at the entire Sagittarius one. That one is frickin' AWESOME.
"Aries fun fact! The death threat was invented by an Aries in the year 1217."
"A good Gemini will speak only when spoken to, and as a result, she is allowed to vote for the man of her choosing in some minor elections, including coroner and the mayor of her city."
"One Friday each month, all Scorpios gather for a non-alcoholic pizza party, where they rave about current plays and perform impromptu scat for each other."
"You are completely about to get your ass handed to you. Next time, you'll think twice about fucking my sister, bitch."
"Your Future!
Nipple. Hat. Feet. Monkey. Whop. Blubber. Chunk. Taint. Flop. Corn. Neck. Tard. Goth. Knuckle. Funk. Chink. Electrocution. Beanie Weenie. Ostrich. Crack. Pole. Hose."
Just a few of the highlights, in my opinion. Oh yeah
and lmao at the entire Sagittarius one. That one is frickin' AWESOME.
She is probably paying someone to read it to her.😛
Yeah right!!! Like I have "money" or something.
Branh, what can I say, I aspire to greatness.
Branh, what can I say, I aspire to greatness.
Ha ha at Aries!
Ha ha at Aries!
Hell, most of them made me chuckle.
"Leo and what? I couldn't understand none of that one at all. "
It makes fun of Leos for being stoopid.😛
It makes fun of Leos for being stoopid.😛
AHAHAHAHAAAHAHAAHAH
-.-
I... won't say anything.
I... won't say anything.
I've been requested to take my previous thread down, so I'll leave this one up.
No Taurus, no party. Sorry Tiz. I couldn't resist.
Shit topic award
Where the hell Taurus at?
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I'm not going to call all Aries assholes. But, man, every last one of those guys are complete fucking dicks. The only good thing I've ever seen an Aries do was beat down a guy who stole an old lady's purse. But the only reason he did that was so he could steal it from the mugger and beat the shit out of the old lady with her own medication.
When not molesting children or thinking up new ways to make puppies yelp, you can usually find an Aries at the county jail, doing plea-bargained time for possession of meth.
Aries fun fact! The death threat was invented by an Aries in the year 1217.
Your Future!
You can definitely get away with it. You just have to make sure nobody sees. And if they do see, you have to make sure that they aren't around long enough to tell anyone. Your dick is not small, and by the time you've finished your run of senseless violence, they will all know it. In October, you will show them all. In November, they will all be sorry they ever made fun of you. But start preparing now because romance is right around the corner! And she must pay for her dirty, filthy sins.