rose78451235
@rose78451235
6 Years
Comments: 0 · Posts: 8 · Topics: 1
Cancer man- ghosted me?
He's not interested in having a relationship with you. He told you this. What part did you not understand?
He only offered you a FWB contract. This means he wants to stick his dick in you whenever is convenient and he does not want any emotional ties or responsibilities with you.
You thought that by being the 'perfect woman' to him that you would change his mind. Dropping everything to be available for him whenever he wants. Telling him you are utterly in love with him. Chasing and pursuing him. Making the effort to get in things he likes. The only time he's made an effort for you was when he knew it would make you open your legs for him.
He's unlikely to be a bad person. Most people are not intentionally bad. You're just choosing to look over there when you should be looking right here.
I think you need to take time out for yourself. Stop thinking about what he is doing or what he wants and have time on your own. You said you were newly married but unhappily and that you and the cancer guy got together while with your respective partners. Any decision to marry someone is a serious commitment. To marry someone you clearly don't want to marry or who isn't right for you but to go ahead anyway is irresponsible.
You sound like you have some issues here to work on but you can't do that while you're still chasing after unsuitable dick. You'll just keep getting the same upsetting and emotionally troubling results.
Do yourself a favour and invest in you. Stop all contact with this guy. Focus day by day or even hour by hour on something else more positive and fruitful. Work, family, friends, hobbies, studies, travel, sports... Then later once you have healed from your marriage and this guy and any other stuff, you can move on to a more worthy guy yet this time you'll be bringing a better, happier, more stable you to the table. That's a far more attractive proposition for a worthy guy.
He only offered you a FWB contract. This means he wants to stick his dick in you whenever is convenient and he does not want any emotional ties or responsibilities with you.
You thought that by being the 'perfect woman' to him that you would change his mind. Dropping everything to be available for him whenever he wants. Telling him you are utterly in love with him. Chasing and pursuing him. Making the effort to get in things he likes. The only time he's made an effort for you was when he knew it would make you open your legs for him.
He's unlikely to be a bad person. Most people are not intentionally bad. You're just choosing to look over there when you should be looking right here.
I think you need to take time out for yourself. Stop thinking about what he is doing or what he wants and have time on your own. You said you were newly married but unhappily and that you and the cancer guy got together while with your respective partners. Any decision to marry someone is a serious commitment. To marry someone you clearly don't want to marry or who isn't right for you but to go ahead anyway is irresponsible.
You sound like you have some issues here to work on but you can't do that while you're still chasing after unsuitable dick. You'll just keep getting the same upsetting and emotionally troubling results.
Do yourself a favour and invest in you. Stop all contact with this guy. Focus day by day or even hour by hour on something else more positive and fruitful. Work, family, friends, hobbies, studies, travel, sports... Then later once you have healed from your marriage and this guy and any other stuff, you can move on to a more worthy guy yet this time you'll be bringing a better, happier, more stable you to the table. That's a far more attractive proposition for a worthy guy.
Harsh but the truth.
My marriage, I didn't provide enough back story to justify why I wanted to end it, but I prefer to keep it that way.
We caught feelings way too fast, I stuck with it, he realized and pulled back and just wanted the fun part of it. We met each other at very low points of our life. I believe in the fairytale crap, guess I need to get out of that world.
But thank you. I really appreciate your response.
My marriage, I didn't provide enough back story to justify why I wanted to end it, but I prefer to keep it that way.
We caught feelings way too fast, I stuck with it, he realized and pulled back and just wanted the fun part of it. We met each other at very low points of our life. I believe in the fairytale crap, guess I need to get out of that world.
But thank you. I really appreciate your response.
I think he likes your attention, but doesn’t see a long term relationship with you. So he will keep you around, date other girls, and live whatever life he wants to until he finds the perfect girl he’s secretly looking for.
I’m not reading all that but come on!! Someone ghosts you they’re out of your life for good. They are no one to take serious.
Set better boundaries with the next person.
Stop being “super apologetic” that’s not going to get you anywhere and will let people think they can come and go and you will just apologize.
Set better boundaries with the next person.
Stop being “super apologetic” that’s not going to get you anywhere and will let people think they can come and go and you will just apologize.
Posted by rose78451235
Harsh but the truth.
My marriage, I didn't provide enough back story to justify why I wanted to end it, but I prefer to keep it that way.
We caught feelings way too fast, I stuck with it, he realized and pulled back and just wanted the fun part of it. We met each other at very low points of our life. I believe in the fairytale crap, guess I need to get out of that world.
But thank you. I really appreciate your response.
There could be a hundred reasons regarding your marriage. It's not my business. Shit unfortunately happens. I assume you're no longer married. I can't recall without scrolling through again. Best thing is to work on what is present now. That's you. Block this guy. Delete his number. Delete all messages so you can't sit and dwell on him. Every day you'll be a little further away from that situation. You'll be fine. There's right billion people on this planet. You'll find one another day.
Here's some links I've found useful before.
https://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/being-super-busy-the-modern-lame-excuse-for-managing-down-your-expectations/
https://markmanson.net/fuck-yes
https://waitbutwhy.com/2014/02/pick-life-partner.html
https://waitbutwhy.com/2014/02/pick-life-partner-part-2.html
https://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/chemistry/how-do-you-know-when-its-right-its-not-what-you-think
https://www.howtogettheguy.com/blog/what-he-says-vs-what-he-means/
Externally - Influenced Ed when it comes to my marriage and Overly romantic Ronald with the Cancer guy. It made me laugh which is pretty ironic.
It was funny how I was justifying his actions by saying that he was a Cancer man and he was hurt from his old relationship, shy and needed more time etc etc. after I read a few discussions on dxpnet on this topic. I simply switched off my logic for this guy, hoping things will be better once he feels safe enough to trust me. And to begin with, he was the one who initiated all of this.
I have actually never dated much to be smart with these things. The only thing I am taking away from this thing is that he introduced me to camping and hiking 🙂 Treetrunking- never knew what that word meant. Now I doPosted by AgentP911Posted by rose78451235
Harsh but the truth.
My marriage, I didn't provide enough back story to justify why I wanted to end it, but I prefer to keep it that way.
We caught feelings way too fast, I stuck with it, he realized and pulled back and just wanted the fun part of it. We met each other at very low points of our life. I believe in the fairytale crap, guess I need to get out of that world.
But thank you. I really appreciate your response.
There could be a hundred reasons regarding your marriage. It's not my business. Shit unfortunately happens. I assume you're no longer married. I can't recall without scrolling through again. Best thing is to work on what is present now. That's you. Block this guy. Delete his number. Delete all messages so you can't sit and dwell on him. Every day you'll be a little further away from that situation. You'll be fine. There's right billion people on this planet. You'll find one another day.
Here's some links I've found useful before.
https://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/being-super-busy-the-modern-lame-excuse-for-managing-down-your-expectations/
https://markmanson.net/fuck-yes
https://waitbutwhy.com/2014/02/pick-life-partner.html
https://waitbutwhy.com/2014/02/pick-life-partner-part-2.html
https://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/chemistry/how-do-you-know-when-its-right-its-not-what-you-think
https://www.howtogettheguy.com/blog/what-he-says-vs-what-he-means/click to expand
You never mentioned if you are now divorced from your husband. Are you divorced yet? If not, I can see why this guy would be reluctant to go further than sex with you. You married fast and was in an affair with him shortly thereafter. That is not the type of woman a man will want to commit to. You can say you think he wants a relationship with you but isn't saying it with words but with actions. A man can act as sweet as cake but until he actually says "I want to be exclusive with you" it's not happening.
I am working out the divorce proceedings, and I was in a relationship with my husband for 8 years (a long distance one) before that, so it wasn't a quick thing. And I have only dated my husband and this guy now. So he knows that I am not the person who jumps from person. In fact, he helped me go through the separation phase, and when we talked about taking things further, he said since we both have broken up from really long relationships, we need to spend some time alone, keep meeting each other meanwhile as see how it goes.
Posted by rose78451235
I relate to Externally - Influenced Ed when it comes to my marriage and Overly romantic Ronald with the Cancer guy. It made me laugh which is pretty ironic.
It was funny how I was justifying his actions by saying that he was a Cancer man and he was hurt from his old relationship, shy and needed more time etc etc. after I read a few discussions on dxpnet on this topic. I simply switched off my logic for this guy, hoping things will be better once he feels safe enough to trust me. And to begin with, he was the one who initiated all of this.
I have actually never dated much to be smart with these things. The only thing I am taking away from this thing is that he introduced me to camping and hiking 🙂 Treetrunking- never knew what that word meant. Now I doPosted by AgentP911Posted by rose78451235
Harsh but the truth.
My marriage, I didn't provide enough back story to justify why I wanted to end it, but I prefer to keep it that way.
We caught feelings way too fast, I stuck with it, he realized and pulled back and just wanted the fun part of it. We met each other at very low points of our life. I believe in the fairytale crap, guess I need to get out of that world.
But thank you. I really appreciate your response.
There could be a hundred reasons regarding your marriage. It's not my business. Shit unfortunately happens. I assume you're no longer married. I can't recall without scrolling through again. Best thing is to work on what is present now. That's you. Block this guy. Delete his number. Delete all messages so you can't sit and dwell on him. Every day you'll be a little further away from that situation. You'll be fine. There's right billion people on this planet. You'll find one another day.
Here's some links I've found useful before.
https://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/being-super-busy-the-modern-lame-excuse-for-managing-down-your-expectations/
https://markmanson.net/fuck-yes
https://waitbutwhy.com/2014/02/pick-life-partner.html
https://waitbutwhy.com/2014/02/pick-life-partner-part-2.html
https://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/chemistry/how-do-you-know-when-its-right-its-not-what-you-think
https://www.howtogettheguy.com/blog/what-he-says-vs-what-he-means/
click to expand
That's the spirit! At least you can thank him for introducing you to something new!!
Posted by rose78451235
I am working out the divorce proceedings, and I was in a relationship with my husband for 8 years (a long distance one) before that, so it wasn't a quick thing. And I have only dated my husband and this guy now. So he knows that I am not the person who jumps from person. In fact, he helped me go through the separation phase, and when we talked about taking things further, he said since we both have broken up from really long relationships, we need to spend some time alone, keep meeting each other meanwhile as see how it goes.
He is wise to feel that way. After divorcing or getting out of a major relationship one does need time to recover from the process as well as getting back out there and dating again. I know you want him now but getting back out in the dating world would do you good also; especially since you have only been with your husband and this guy. Explore a bit. Being a Libra girl you probably have a lot of prospects.
I totally understand you pain! I have been through this with a cancer man, it seems we speak about the same person lol
He would also say to me"i have never met someone like you before, our connection is crazy" crap 😂
And it was a strong connection, felt it and still feel if he's thinking about me, we will same thoughts in the same moment, we will text each other from nowhere at the exact time saying we miss each other.
The hugs and energy...like a DRUG!
But one day he started to back off, had some discussions and me not wanting to delete some messages he wanted and boom, blocked everywhere! And that was it! Just because I did not do what he wanted😁
Now, not sure if something is missing from your story, but as libras we give so much love and pour our souls to the person we love...Doing everything and anything, sometimes too much, we get obsessed !
Now with these guys, I heard and after my experience, I really think they need to be treated like SHIT and they LIKE it. Then they will pursue.
So, the moral of the story? He did not have the courage to even give me a message, or answering on the phone, I was left in the dark with broken heart. I did not matter to him. Not a tiny bit.
I know he will receive what he deserves at some point in life for what he's done, because I was so genuine.
I am not going to tell you what to do, because that will not change how you feel about him.
I know is hard to be alone, I know you may be scared, but everything is happening with a reason.
Please do not allow him to destroy your self esteem!
Bear hug from me🐼
He would also say to me"i have never met someone like you before, our connection is crazy" crap 😂
And it was a strong connection, felt it and still feel if he's thinking about me, we will same thoughts in the same moment, we will text each other from nowhere at the exact time saying we miss each other.
The hugs and energy...like a DRUG!
But one day he started to back off, had some discussions and me not wanting to delete some messages he wanted and boom, blocked everywhere! And that was it! Just because I did not do what he wanted😁
Now, not sure if something is missing from your story, but as libras we give so much love and pour our souls to the person we love...Doing everything and anything, sometimes too much, we get obsessed !
Now with these guys, I heard and after my experience, I really think they need to be treated like SHIT and they LIKE it. Then they will pursue.
So, the moral of the story? He did not have the courage to even give me a message, or answering on the phone, I was left in the dark with broken heart. I did not matter to him. Not a tiny bit.
I know he will receive what he deserves at some point in life for what he's done, because I was so genuine.
I am not going to tell you what to do, because that will not change how you feel about him.
I know is hard to be alone, I know you may be scared, but everything is happening with a reason.
Please do not allow him to destroy your self esteem!
Bear hug from me🐼
You perhaps got some points right about him which I couldn’t see since his behavior towards me indicated something else. I am an adult and I understand when someone behaves like he’s into me but doesn’t say it. If I wouldn’t have felt that way I wouldn’t even have pursued him in the first place. And I could have relationships and rebounds if I really was looking for it.
As for him, he broke up after he met me. So if he really wanted to chase other women, he wouldn’t have waited for me come into his life to decide to break up.
And I don’t ‘act’ a certain way, my feelings for the people around me have always been genuine and not out manipulation. And I will still care for him whether he is in my life or not.
Unfortunately you missed the whole point of the question I had asked perspective Not judgement.
There is no mission. There is no plan.
Some people don’t think that way.
As for him, he broke up after he met me. So if he really wanted to chase other women, he wouldn’t have waited for me come into his life to decide to break up.
And I don’t ‘act’ a certain way, my feelings for the people around me have always been genuine and not out manipulation. And I will still care for him whether he is in my life or not.
Unfortunately you missed the whole point of the question I had asked perspective Not judgement.
There is no mission. There is no plan.
Some people don’t think that way.
Posted by Arielle83
Cancers don’t like being smothered with other people’s emotions and needs.
Especially when he’s working through his own emotional needs. He doesn’t need you claiming you’re in love so he’s now got your feelings to manage, and not hurt.
Cancer needs space now. You seem to be rebounding. He doesn’t want commitment. He wants freedom to chase women cuz he was tied down with someone.
He’d be nuts to jump into something else. He’s not a douche. He was honest. You just seem to want what you want and will “act” a certain way to get what you want.
He’d be ghosting to get away from your mission to keep him, for you.
Thank you. I’m glad someone out there understands. The on and off is so much that sometimes I feel that did I imagine all that loving behavior in my head. I know how loving he can be when he wants to. I know he will come back, but I will be more guarded. I cannot be back to this same mental space anymore.
The bear hug really helped. 🙂
The bear hug really helped. 🙂
Posted by Librissy
I totally understand you pain! I have been through this with a cancer man, it seems we speak about the same person lol
He would also say to me"i have never met someone like you before, our connection is crazy" crap 😂
And it was a strong connection, felt it and still feel if he's thinking about me, we will same thoughts in the same moment, we will text each other from nowhere at the exact time saying we miss each other.
The hugs and energy...like a DRUG!
But one day he started to back off, had some discussions and me not wanting to delete some messages he wanted and boom, blocked everywhere! And that was it! Just because I did not do what he wanted😁
Now, not sure if something is missing from your story, but as libras we give so much love and pour our souls to the person we love...Doing everything and anything, sometimes too much, we get obsessed !
Now with these guys, I heard and after my experience, I really think they need to be treated like SHIT and they LIKE it. Then they will pursue.
So, the moral of the story? He did not have the courage to even give me a message, or answering on the phone, I was left in the dark with broken heart. I did not matter to him. Not a tiny bit.
I know he will receive what he deserves at some point in life for what he's done, because I was so genuine.
I am not going to tell you what to do, because that will not change how you feel about him.
I know is hard to be alone, I know you may be scared, but everything is happening with a reason.
Please do not allow him to destroy your self esteem!
Bear hug from me🐼
Honestly, this story gives me tears. I can't believe cancer man can be like that. But most of the comments are right its clear the man is only for FWB not serious relationship with you.
Not all cancer man are like that. His not just the right one or not your soulmate. I'm not an expert in relationship or sex, but I'm pretty sure its not a good idea to have a man help you move on from a broken marriage or relationship.
I had a cancer man online relationship a month and half ago. I am Single for 11 years and counting. I'm not perfect but we woman are stronger than we can imagine.
Being alone doesn't need to be equal to loneliness. Life is fun if you give value to your existence.
Not all cancer man are like that. His not just the right one or not your soulmate. I'm not an expert in relationship or sex, but I'm pretty sure its not a good idea to have a man help you move on from a broken marriage or relationship.
I had a cancer man online relationship a month and half ago. I am Single for 11 years and counting. I'm not perfect but we woman are stronger than we can imagine.
Being alone doesn't need to be equal to loneliness. Life is fun if you give value to your existence.
Posted by rose78451235
You perhaps got some points right about him which I couldn’t see since his behavior towards me indicated something else. I am an adult and I understand when someone behaves like he’s into me but doesn’t say it. If I wouldn’t have felt that way I wouldn’t even have pursued him in the first place. And I could have relationships and rebounds if I really was looking for it.
As for him, he broke up after he met me. So if he really wanted to chase other women, he wouldn’t have waited for me come into his life to decide to break up.
And I don’t ‘act’ a certain way, my feelings for the people around me have always been genuine and not out manipulation. And I will still care for him whether he is in my life or not.
Unfortunately you missed the whole point of the question I had asked perspective Not judgement.
There is no mission. There is no plan.
Some people don’t think that way.
But there is a plan, there is a mission.
You want a relationship with him. That is your mission, that was your plan. And to say otherwise is untruthful.
You have created a dialogue in your own head about him. "He broke up with his partner for me." "He does this cause he must like me."
If he broke you his relationship FOR YOU, he would be with you. He isn't, so it wasn't for you. Did you expect him to treat you like dirt if he wanted to be only an FWB? And because he didn't that must mean he cares? This is the dialogue you have created to benefit yourself.
It would be one thing if he simply said he wasnt ready for a relationship. But saying that and asking for FWB is another thing. Not only that, but you aren't even in the top 5 of his priority list of people. And he treats you as such.
In all the time, I have been with my own Cancer with a Scorp moon, not once did he suggest FWB. Not once would he ghost me. And if I visited him, he would never dance with other girls around me. And this was even during the time we both weren't ready for a relationship because of distance and circumstances.
What you need to face is, you aren't a priority. And you really never were. He told you his terms of engagement with him. You chose to ignore his words, in lieu of your own dialogue. And because you didn't heed his words the first couple times, he ghosted you because he didn't want what you did and he didn't want to have to tell you again.
And now it is time to stop ignoring what he said, and move on from him.
Actually it's time to be alone, because it's been less than a year, and you haven't even finished with your marriage yet. Regardless of how you spin it, you aren't fully unattached and divorced. And you can't start something when something else hasn't finished.
It time to focus on yourself.
Quincunx moons..........totally misunderstanding each other
I've heard an astrolger say the quincinx aspects don't "see" each other
It's like ...... 🤔
I've heard an astrolger say the quincinx aspects don't "see" each other
It's like ...... 🤔
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The communication picked up again. He would message and try to talk.
I would get occasional calls late in the night when he'd say he misses me. I would get drunk and message him bunch of things that I am totally in love with him (this has happened many times and I know I behaved like a child).
Then he was coming over to my city for a few days to see his friends and party, initially he said he'd stay over with me, but later said it isn't wise. We aren't open with our relationship (or whatever it is). Then he said, he isn't looking for a relationship and doesn't want me to think that way if we get involved, he indicated having a friends with benefits relationship. I said, if that's how I get to be a part of his life, its ok with me. Then we all went partying and the whole night he kept dancing around with other women, I wasn't comfortable and I left. Then he called me at early morning asking if he could come over. and he stayed. This happened both the nights. But I was always caring towards him, I made him breakfast, and did everything to make him feel special. then I travelled with him halfway with food and icecream, he layed his head on my head. hugs me, his body language speaks to me differently when we are alone together.I would make really nice romantic gestures, like getting him things that he likes based of his interests. remembering things that he likes. saving tickets of places we went together.
Then we were back to texting, I asked if we could meet again, he said maybe in a few months. But the communication was daily, I was drunk again one night and we talked about getting a home here, a dog, etc etc. He wasn't participating in the discussion but kept saying ok and at one point he said not this place, we will stay there. I kept asking if I am talking too much, he said I am listening to you.
Then one night again, I texted him a lot of stuff about me being in love with him. Then he's gone. No answers nothing. I apologized the next morning over text, he read it, no response. called him twice, no answer. I sent him a picture of my new bike one week later, saying that I wanted to show this to him, no response. Sent him a picture of a beer saying that he'd like it (also said, that I know you don't like me anymore but I had to show you this, he is a fan of beer), no response. Its been more than a month and no response, I stopped pestering him and its been a month since I wrote to him.
A part of my head says he is taking time to think, a part of it says he was playing with me. I don't know if I should stay or move on. And I don't want to move on to be honest. Its super painful and I am trying to keep myself busy but I just don't know what or how to get out of this. I don't want to meet new people, I don't want to see anyone else. I get flashbacks and keep asking myself if I did anything wrong. My friends say he's a douchebag but I am not convinced that he is one. I felt the connection. And I did tell him earlier that whatever you do, please don't ghost me, to which he said he always closes things properly with the women he has dated (but did we date?) And this was the guy who would tell me that, he went to this place and its beautiful and he knows I will love it.
He always told me that he isn't looking for a relationship after he broke up. He said earlier that its going too fast and he wants to be alone, and we could keep meeting and in future we will see how it goes. He has been very on and off. Every time he would want me around, I'd make sure to drop everything and be there for him. But he would tell me that he misses me, he likes me. I wasn't pushing him to become my boyfriend or anything but I would tell him that I love him. I would even tell him if I felt jealous, that I feel jealous. not in an angry manner but in a questioning manner asking how do I deal with this, I am honest to a fault. and I'd feel that he liked it.
Please don't be mean to him and thank you if you read this long story but any perspective? I am driving myself insane.