Cancer man inlove with Tuarus woman break up (Page 2)

* COMPREHEND

Thanks Angel....your advice has been some of the best I have ever gotten!!!

thats how I feel.....I know how she can make her mind up.....just hoping she hasnt about me...I dont want to seem as if I am telling her...look I am good for you.......wanna make sure (does this sound selfish?) thats it's only about me....only about how I feel about her....not that I am saying anything about her....becuase that has been a big theme.....by reading into that post she left saying "I am afraid of what he has to say about me and to me.Thats not love....." I am hoping I can show her I do love her.....but in turn if thats what she feels I did I am at a lose as to what to do other than just say I am truely sorry if I made you feel like that.........I love you and I want you....I want to be with you...

I understand what you're trying to say about making it about YOU - in other words that you're not trying to push anything on her or make her respond in any particular way, just that you want her to know how YOU feel about her, without any expectations from her. That's not a selfish thing; at least it isn't in MY opinion and since she sounds a lot like me I should think she won't think so either - if you explain it to her the way you did to me.

I can see that you really love her and this is important to you - I wish you the best of luck. I've been hurt over and over, but I still believe firmly in the power of love and I hope this works out for the both of you.

Thanks Angel...


Just hope I have it in me........Going on a bit of a shop tonight........gonna get me some new clothes and such...........try and break the mould if you will....I know there are some clothes she liked seeing me in but I feel a sort of break the visual pattern thing might be in order.......I know when I see her dressed in stuff I like that I think of the past...be it good or bad.....so I dont want her thinking of anything bad when she sees me!

was contemplating getting her something really nice for uni before she goes....I know gifts arent really a show of love........but I know how found she is of things that feel nice.....so I was thinking perhaps I get some sort of really really nice blanket thing....she loves purple....maybe thats a bad idea......no idea...not sure......

I have a question Angel........you say you have been hurt over and over.......dare I ask if any of the guys that hurt you every managed to get you back and get the trust back?

Mind_crash,

I know it is VERY hard and difficult for you to explain your feelings to her. Men have a hard time expressing feelings and words are for women (some women). YOU have to show her with your ACTIONS that you want her and want to be with her even if she is going away.

Some women are ok with soothing words! If you have been telling her the same things over and over again, this time you are going to have to show her with your actions. I am not a flower based woman-I could care less about flowers just in my OPINION it will make you seem like a wuss. LOL! Just in my opininon, but I would like to SEE you, go out with you and spend some quality TIME with you before I go. In my opinion, the movies and dinner would be enough because I FEEL it is not your sole responsibility to make me happy.

Happiness is a desire only I WOULD be able to find within myself and I PERSONALLY would not depend on you or RELY on YOU to make me happy inside. IN my opinion, constantly reassuring me is of your love is too much PRESSURE to put on you. This is just my opinion and looking at it another point of view. Some women can NURTURE their own insecurities.

In my personal opinion, the movie and dinner is fine. Your speech is fine also ONLY if you back up your words with actions. If not I would just think you were trying to sweet talk and manipulate me. Personally, I wouldn't mention and astrology site to her either! She doesn't need to know your EVERY move.

Good luck to you and I wish you well, I feel you are on the right track and you will get her with constantly showing her with your actions your love for her.

Just thinking in my head at what I need to say to her......
not even sure how to start...
here goes like a ruoff draft.....hopefully I rememebr to say everything when the time comes.....
not sure if I should do it in the car or if she will let me inside for 20mins?

Aimee...I am really going to miss you and before you go inside I really want to share how I feel.....I know now I have really really screwed up the past few months...I was so scaried and worried and so afraid of how I felt that I let my insecurities get the best of me.....I was attacking you demanding all your time and I wasnt being supportive and I wasnt showing how I really felt.....I am truely sorry If I made you feel hurt unloved or unsupported it wasnt what I wanted at all I wasnt behaving like the man I should been or showing how I felt about you......I was stressed and unsecure and it was all in my head and I am sorry for pushing and pulling at you all the time...thats no excuse and .....I know it's only words...your are my best friend...I know I have not acted in that way and I feel I have wrecked our trust....I let my insecurties and worries get inbetween us......and I feel I abandonned you when you needed someone.....

I know I have acted in ways that you dont and didnt want and it's no way to show you I love you.I have made mistakes and I have been so cuaght up in my insecurites about being not sure what you were feeling.....I even signed up to an astrology site for help as I have been so confused...I am not sure how else to show you that I can be the man you need now....I love you and I want to be with you...

basic topic I want to cover! just dont want to much and dont want to little.....dont want to throw out a "I am sorry blanket" becuase that doesnt show I know what I am sorry for....

Yeah, I think you have a good speech for her! You are on the right track.

ok.......lets hope I can get it right.......now just need to get to the showing her part......wish I knew how to truely show her!!!!

gotta make sure that there is no pressure to reply if she is not ready to reply I think

as a general update and insight.....angel may find this interesting.....or not.....

I sort of took the lead in organisnig her fairwell tonight as she was uneasy about who was comming etc...so decided a bit of take charge was in order.....so I took control and have organised everyone and agreed movie times with her etc....so there will be all of us there...I have left seating to be decided....not sure if I should sit next to her or see if she sits next to me?

anyway she text me asking me.....

"What do you want?As in like a present wise lol.That almost sounded a rude lol."

me:

"I could tell you what I want but i'll keep it to myself for now lol.Why are you giving me a present? Your leaving you need the present"


her:

"Well for being a good friend"

Me:
(maybe I should not have said this? it just came out....sigh...)
"The fact you said that after the way I have treated you these last few months is more than I could ask for"


she told me to "sshhhh you big wuss" we made some jokes and I said "Would you have me any other way?" she said of course not and so far we seem to be talking in a very playfull joking way now.........

becuase the way I was treating her before was pushing her away....I dont plan on losing her again if I get her back.....plus that will not be possible...she will be at uni....we will not see each other that much wich I think is good....gives us both time sort out the our own lives....and hopefully still have time together....I expect nothing this time

I think your "speech" sounds nice 🙂

A blanket isn't a bad idea at all - we're comfort oriented and it will be something that reminds her of you.

I can tell you only this.... the tough guy act isn';t for us... whether it's your act or hers, it's just not how bulls are.... we are independent yes.... but with someone we love it's different.... that's our one respite from the demanding world in which we have to be the strong ones.... in my opinion, and no offense to anyone dut I AM the only taurus female givign advice here, but you should try to spend as much time with her as possible - whether visiting or on the phoen. If it's too much she will let you know and you can back off for a bit - the difference is between being in a relationship with her and deing in a relationship by yourself where you demand someone else fill the gapos you can't fill yourself.... for example insisting she spend more time that she just doesn't have.... I'm sure she appreciated you wanting to be with her - you just would have been better off letting her know that you wanted to be with her as much as possible but understand she other obligations too.... in other words let her know you WANT to be with her every second even if you can't. Just don't get angry about the fact that you can't - remeber you have your whole lives ahead of you and the important thing now is to establish that that is what you want and to find a way to work it out.

almost forgot to answer your question.... yes and no.... when someone has asked for another chance right away I have given it..... but all them, even the ones who got another chance right away, eventually came back years later: "oh I was so stupid, you're amazing, I've never met anyone like you...." etc, and at that point, no it's too late.... if you give me enough time to doubt you you're not likely to get another chance, mostly because more than anything I resent the fact that it takes so long for them to appreciate me.... I don't want a guy that needs to go out and see if there is anything better before he can realize how special I am... that's why I tell you you are better off taking the chance now - because it's likely the only chance you will ever get again.

think of it this way.... years from now do you want to be sitting around thinking about her wodering if things would have been different?

You can do nothing or you can do SOMETHING.... only one of those options has a predictable outcome.

Thanks angel.....I will try and find her the most amazingly soft and wonderfull blanket I can find tonight!

a blanket is a horrible idea....shes gonna end up having sex with some guy at school and your blanket will get..ummmmm.......u get the idea. get her something really cool that other people will see and say...whats that and she can tell them that a really good friend(you) got that for her.

*sigh* cj is a pessimist.... taurus are practical people...we like practical things that we can actually use....and since we also like comfort and being reminded of the ones we love a blanket isn't a bad idea - it's practical, comfortable, and she will wrap herself in it and feel all warm and cozy while thinking about YOU 🙂

Not that something "cool" is a bad idea, but a blanket isn't a bad idea either. You know her - do what you think will make her happy.

ok well I got her the most amzing comfy throw/blanket I could find....so I think it's great.....getting nervous now and havent slept a wink....really really feeling run down 😢...


I told her last night I wasnt sleeping.....she asked why.....at first I said I wasnt really ready to talk about it...but then she asked again......so I said "I think about all the time" her reply was......"You'll be ok.You just need distractions".....I was so tired....I just replied saying....trust me I'm trying.I wish I could show you....I was so tired I have no idea why I said it.....and she made a joke and said I should think of my friend lewis he'd be a good lover.....we talked a little after that.....i'm just feeling so shattered today....anyway after that she asked what else was wrong....and some of the stuff I planned to say on friday came out...and the reply i got felt like a run and hide reply...(but it was 2:00am by now) and just said..."right ok.well anyway im gonna have to sleep now so night xx" I was just so tired nt sure why I said it.....think it freaked her out a little...feeling very much down about it all now on friday

ur headed for a heartbreak 😢

I probably am

well I'm at work now.....so hopefully I can keep distracted......feeling totaly today like I just want to burst into tears....feeling like there is no hope and I am building myself upto something that is just not going to happen....I just want to be able to cry and for her to be the one that makes me feel better

I know deep down how much damage I have cuased these past few months.......I can be trusting......I guess what I am looking for above anything is just a reassurance from her in any form that she just needs time...if I truely knew somehow that she was going to give me another chance to prove I can be the things she needs even if it was only in months.....that would be enough for me......I would stand loyaly by that

I thinks it's part of my problem....it's this overwelming drive I have to protect myself.....my emotions that I think have gotten me here......it's this drive and desperation to just have everything stable and where I want it

I wiah I knew why I got so cuaght up in it all and why I gae her such a hard time...I look back now to the start of the relationship and our friendship and then I looked how I behaved....even if placed just in the context of a friend....and I sit here and I think.....what the hell was I thinking......I care about her so much and I go and behave like that?....if someone was doing that to me I would probally wouldnt be talking to them at all.......I cant even think how to start showing how sorry I am or how to show her I can be better than that I can be what she deserves

I want to be the loyal... honest... straightforward.. moving up in the world.. know what I want... affectionate man I was too her in the begining....

What do you suggest I do?

mind_crash,

I feel you are headed in the right direction. If you want her to quit be fearful of you, then your pushing, pulling away and withdrawing will have to STOP. You will have to show her your love through consistency with your actions instead of words.

ok guys........my plan is to let her know how I feel....I think that I will do it in a letter.....I will give it to her at the end of the evening.....that way it's upto her wether she open it or not.....then I need to work on me.....becuase no matter what I say...if I cannot show her how I am back upto speed by actually being upto speed then the words mean nothing?....I know she can see wight through me....she has always been able to tell how I feel....so I would be lying to her to act fine.....what I need to is to actually man up and get myself fine....so when we do get to spending time together the words and teh actions and me all come together!

Mind_crash TELL HER HOW YOU FEEL AND QUIT BEING SCARED OF YOUR EMOTIONS. LET them OUT and quit bottling them up inside YOU. SHe wants to HEAR your words and SEE your actions. That is easy to do. Practice. You are on the right track.

Thats what I am doing......I just think that perhaps the letter is a better way to go....I want the last night to have good memories.....plus the only way I know to show her is to sort me out.....I am a mess......and she left becuase I was a mess! how can you take a mess back? it's like taking back someone who cheated on you while they are still cheating?

i'm gonna show her I am what she wants

Thats what I am doing......I just think that perhaps the letter is a better way to go....I want the last night to have good memories.....plus the only way I know to show her is to sort me out.....I am a mess......and she left becuase I was a mess! how can you take a mess back? it's like taking back someone who cheated on you while they are still cheating?

i'm gonna show her I am what she wants

Well SOME women don't hold grudges or resentment. If she really wants to be with YOU and you are what she wants she will HEAR your words and they will stay with her. SHE will ALWAYS remember your sensitive words. They will NEVER leave her. I feel you would do best saying them and maybe wrote a short poem that she can remember and read when she is lonely. It is NOT good to leave your feelings bottled up inside of you.

Your emotions are beautiful! Embrace them, love them and don't NEGLECT them. Let them OUT! FEEL THEM and talk to yourself. If things don't turn out like you want them too, you will become angrier and your actions and words will go back to square one.

Go somewhere and "FEEL" what you are feeling, comfort your feelings and PRACTICE talking to YOURSELF and let them OUT! It will do you some good in the long run.

she went to uni this morning....last night was the fair well she was happy and touchy feely and once or twice said things that she would have only said to me when going out.....like some friends made a reference to a girl at the next table and I said she is far to tall for me thanks....Aimee turned to me and said not me I'm not to tall for you...then sort of realised how she said it...mostly that all evening....spent the evening putting her hand on my leg and even under the table kept pushing her leg into mine things like that....she wrote a fair well card that pretty much included all the fun times we had upto offically going out and then the couple of fun things after...nothing inbetween.....saying how we had been through so much and how glad she was after all this we were still talking as she wouldnt have been suprised if we werent anymore...I didnt want to destroy the happy evening so I wrote her a letter about how I felt and I told her I will always love her in one way or another and how heart broken I was we didnt manage to work as a couple...she said atleast we tried.....so hopefully she reads my letter....I hope I can win her back...felt so much like the feelings are there but she is holding back...perhaps still afraid of the way I pushed her away....maybe it just wasnt time for us...or maybe she is being stubborn and doesnt think things can be different 2nd time around

her exact words in the card were to the effect of she is that we are not just friends we are far more than friends....i'll write the card up after breakfast

one thing too much emphasis placed too much on her fer real, sometimes women like to see a development in the felllas they love to have for the future or present. why dont u tell her instead of a card and be there, a roses and a big tedddddy bear shock her man, and yes stop wailing on her yes it hurts but ..MAN UP!!!! SHow ur damn swagggeeerrrr, dat cancer charm. ANd discuss what she liks or what she want to do school,business, savings ..save for the future especially with this financial crisis. Yeeesssh gas is a bitch per gallon.

well I was there for her yesterday she was in a real state about how she didnt want to do it alone and was crying in her room....managed to calm her down and convince her to go down stairs and talk to her room mates...seemed to work well....I was out last night and she was texting me adn said she wanted to stay wake until I got home safe........

I here what your saying knoxx.....I do...I wanna show her I can develope....I wanna show her the way things went are not the way they will go again.

Dude. Your hanging out with her and she's texting you. You got this! Your luckier then me with my attempt to get with a Taurus. Hell she don't even text me back... I'm also a cancer btw.. It's f'ing sad that I still like her even tho I learned the hard way that she has a boyfriend.... The best thing for me to do is wait it out until she is ready to open her eyes! I'm the man of her dreams she is just not ready for the intensity of our connection that is soo obvious! I'll wait for her. How ever long it takes! I will wait! tho she doesn't know this... Her boy friend has nothing over me! cept her... lucky son of a bitch! f'ing sag. Yea yea I know more to it then sun signs! Blablablaba?.. fuk it. He just happen to be at the right place at the right time!

well it's only been a couple of days but she keeps telling me how much she really misses me....so I am just going to be patient and sort me shit out,,,,,get that charm back......and I hopefully win her back 🙂

stop messing around , because if she wants you now you better shift it. u keep saying how you need her and all , now she is givin ,your playing silly tactics, carry on you gonna loose her mate! because someone's going to come along ,maybe anothe Cancer or Scorpio , then you have no chance up against your own sign, so get it sorted ,and stop strocking your emotions. your playing with her head and yours.

yup act now or someone will step in the mix. you dig?if she misses you...act on it ,action rather than imagining speaks louder than words

she's off to college, its not gonna work out......its like lotto , ya gotta be in it to win it

" ya gotta be in it to win it"

So I guess the way to avoid winning is to stay out of the game?

Well that explains a lot then doesn't it.......

yeah....ya gotta be there to play the game, long distance relationships are iffy......

bullshit

LOOOOOL!

thats rite anglefish!!!!

long distance relationships are no different than "normal" ones..... if the people involved really care about each other and WANT to be together than it will work - but if they don't, or at least one of them doesn't, then it will not work, the one who doesn't will find someone else -BUT the same thing will happen in a relationship while you are THERE. You cannot make someone love you just by being there, and if they don't really want you then they will inevitably stray.... long distance versus nearby has NOTHING to do with it. It's about the people involved and how they feel about each other.

these days you can talk on the phone, write letters and email, even web cam chat. The only thing you can't do in a long distance relationship is TOUCH someone everyday....and believe it or not it was only a shy few decades ago when single people weren't allowed to touch and had to take a chaperone on dates with them until they weer MARRIED....and they managed to fall in love anyway.

THAT is what ruins relationships today - the EXPECTATION of a physical relationship rather than an emoitional one. And everyone wants instant gratification......

DAMN ANGELFISH U SPEAK THE TRUTH!!! SAY IT GIRL!!!

angel....you still give by far the best advice on here.....and I agree........if anything the distance now, although it's only been a few days it's that fact we know there is a distance, seem sto be making the emotional bond stronger by the day...

FWB?