Cancer Man Moving Slow?

Me: Pisces (39yrs)
Him: Cancer (42 yrs)
So I am a little confused. I haven't been on here in a while.
I have been seeing a Cancer man for about 3 months. At first he was super attentive and thought things were going to move too fast, but a month into it he put on the brakes.
He has told me that his head is somewhere else, where I am not exactly sure. He has mentioned some debt before so I THINK it might be a financial thing.
All the keeps saying is lets just relax. I have pulled back on communication, and now is asking me what I did this weekend, and calling me his petname.
I thought Cancer men were good with Pisces (both water signs) and second, I thought they moved quicker. What is strange is he says lets just relax, then the next min he is asking how his "nickname" is doing. Just a little confusing.
He called me at my desk yesterday and today as well just to chat. So that was promising.
I really don't like to/ am too old to play games. But this is what it feels like.
For now I have taken a step back.
Any Cancer insight would be great?

You've been knowing him 3 months and he couldnt have the decency, respect, balls to tell u exactly why u have to "guess" where his head is at?

You poor thing...didn't you just go through this with a Taurus? Please don't let another guy play games with your heart again. It's a new year try doing something new!

@ FemBot-
Not so long ago I did go through something like this with a taurus guy. Push Pull.
Nearly drove me crazy. He still trys to keep touch, but I have had to break ties.

@ Rudescorp01-
I guess he was honest, but then seems like he falls back on his words. He can't have it both ways.
One time saying I can't be your boyfriend right now. Then saying how is MY SWEETIE?
If you are not my boyfriend, I am not YOUR Sweetie.
Being YOURS means a commitment.

lol thats a cancer man 4 sure

Honestly what has happened to the dating scene? The current state of man/woman interaction is almost sickening. Everybody just wants to "relax" or be "friends" all the while ACTING like they're in a relationship until actual expectations come in to play. Then it's I got a lot on my mind! My dog just died! I need to get my life together! GTFOH! Where were these issues when we met? Why are you even entertaining new women if you have all these "issues"

Sorry ends rant... :-)

@ Fembot & Impulsv-

I agree with Fembot. Things have been so relaxed with relationships, but I am from the old skool if you will and I am going to stand my ground. Your Rant is justified. There are lots of people with baggage/problems. Its all how you carry those bags. Basically, I am not Dr. Phil and don't have the time or patience to fix these men.

Impulsv - I have told him that I am no fwb or booty call. He said he knows that. Now I am going to let my actions speak for themselves. He likes to text me late like 11:15pm and ask me to come over to his place and snuggle. If its anything after 9:30pm I don't return his text. I just tell him the next day, I was asleep. I think he is starting to get the picture.
Unlike him, I am trying to make sure my words and actions match up with each other.
I think because I have stopped contacting him he is feeling insecure. I say good. He should, there are other guys interested in me. I have always been the kind of girl that puts her eggs in one basket, but not this time. I am intrested to see if he will step out or step out.
He texted me last thursday and was asking how I was, and then asked what I was doing for the weekend. I told him going out. And left it vague like he does to me.
He has called me for the past two days. I told him that it was nice to hear his voice, and he said the same. Then I said don't be a stranger. His response.. is it goes two ways. I am not holding my breath or getting too excited about the new communication.
In my mind I have put him in a mental box to the side in my head.

If you have any hint(s) that he has money/debt problems, then he probably does. Cancers are for the most part, private when it comes to their finances and are also BIG on being independent and secure financially. So if he's actually opened up to you about this, then it's probably a serious issue. We are good lovers but often times, financial security comes before love affairs. Also, sometimes I feel like if I'm not financially stable, I can't be there for my partner and spoil them the way I wish to and may decide not to start a relationship on the wrong foot or to back off a bit (until I get myself together). Hope that helped.

Oedicrabman Complex:

the cancer man is so attached to his mommy that he takes on the role of a female in relationships because instead of getting advice from where he should on how to be a man in relationship (from a man) he gets it from a female and thinks acting like one is ok when its totally not. His mommy makes him feel like the only most important thing in the world Which he's not ie (can't handle rejection or confrontation, the temper tantrums, mood swings, can't be pressured, thinking they have 4678875 yrs to grow up etc)

......................

Hes probably genuinely confused. And genuinely thinks his lame girly actions are ok and justified.... You either feel comfortable being his 2nd mommy, leave it at just friends, or move on.....ive learned my lesson with these men eh ehmm oops i mean boys....

Also i dont see why u cant just straight out ask him "why cant u be my man now"
acting scared of their tempter tantrums/being sooooo hurt and stressed by a simple damn question u deserve to know only enables and draws out the childish butter

Posted by Impulsv

Posted by woodenmeow
@ FemBot-
Not so long ago I did go through something like this with a taurus guy. Push Pull.
Nearly drove me crazy. He still trys to keep touch, but I have had to break ties.

@ Rudescorp01-
I guess he was honest, but then seems like he falls back on his words. He can't have it both ways.
One time saying I can't be your boyfriend right now. Then saying how is MY SWEETIE?
If you are not my boyfriend, I am not YOUR Sweetie.
Being YOURS means a commitment.

The. It's time to tell him that
If ur not bf don't call me sweetie. Seems like he's trying to get the most out of it without commitment. He's just not straight telling u he wants fwb.

click to expand

^^^What she said. Tell him firmly not to call you sweetie if he's not intending on being a boyfriend.
Don't be mean, but DO be direct.

Posted by woodenmeow

I think because I have stopped contacting him he is feeling insecure. I say good. He should, there are other guys interested in me. I have always been the kind of girl that puts her eggs in one basket, but not this time. I am intrested to see if he will step out or step out.
He texted me last thursday and was asking how I was, and then asked what I was doing for the weekend. I told him going out. And left it vague like he does to me.

I guess at this point my question would be - are you interested in a relationship with him?
It sure sounds like you're not.
Leaving it vague is probably going to be interpreted as you're playing the field.
Fine, but don't string him along. Tell him. Right now he may be thinking you're playing games (and to me it seems like you are).

Some of this sounds very familiar.

I don't think you should come on too strong or try to force him into something. He may feel like things are being forced, he may need some space to make a decision (or to focus on his own issues), or he may not even understand what you feel or why. Try talking to him about how you feel and what you expect from him (without blaming him, downgrading his character, etc)

True. Or he has options and is undecided at the moment so he would keep her around while still juggling others.He wont let her stay but he also wont let her leave until he is decided or ready. If you feel this is the case, I would have a chat with him about how you feel and give him at least a month with no contact to allow him to see how his life looks without you. If he comes back, let him work for you and show you that you are a priority and not just an option.

Posted by cancerlady33
True. Or he has options and is undecided at the moment so he would keep her around while still juggling others.He wont let her stay but he also wont let her leave until he is decided or ready. If you feel this is the case, I would have a chat with him about how you feel and give him at least a month with no contact to allow him to see how his life looks without you. If he comes back, let him work for you and show you that you are a priority and not just an option.

That's great advice--I agree! Cancer men are sensitive and seem to take a while to decide on what they want, but at some point they also need to be held accountable.

First off thanks for all the insight...
I do like him but really have not spent enough time with him to REALLY know. All we do is have pizza at his place which by the way (I BOUGHT), not a big thing. He has yet to take me out on a REAL date. I would like to just spend more time together. I have only taken a step back since he has been the one saying I just can't be your boyfriend right now.
I can't keep chasing him. I have to trust in what he says.
I just wondered if some cancer insight would help make sense of his back and forth behavior.
I have been willing to take it as it comes, he is the one resisting and I don't want to push someone.
Since I have pulled back a little, he has called me.
He can't have his cake and eat it too.

So the Cancer dude texted me a few times this weekend, but late.
I was up but did not reply til the next morning. It was in the booty call time zone.
I am doing all I can to stand my ground for him to ask to spend time with me in reasonable time frame.
Do you think he will step up to ask me out on a "Real" date?

Thanks Finbuff.
That is what I have been starting to do. Its only been like 2 weeks of the change.
He is just really confusing. Saying he wants more but just can't give it to me now.
Not sure what the hang-up is. He is not saying and I am not prying.
So I have pulled back and then I get texts saying How is MY Sweetie.
That is what is so annoying. He is the one in the first place that pursued me, then he slammed on the brakes. I have just thrown my hands up, and pretty much am not doing anything.

@ CluelessCancer-

I think anytime after 10pm when a guy just wants you to come over. My Cancer guy has done this before. Starts texting me around 10pm for about 15 mins then his texts start with Why don't you come over. So to me late night text from a man can lead SOMETIMES try to be more.

I can relate to this dilemma as well.

I met a beautiful Cancer girl 7 days ago, and we have already had 3 dates.

However, I sense things are starting to cool off a little as she is being hesitant to respond to me today.

Should I cut off contact for a few days and see what happens? I wouldn't dare tell her that I really like her at this point, since I don't want to scare her off. But, I don't want to continue communicating with her at a regular rate if she is not doing the same.

Grrrr, help?

She is 23, and I am 35 BTW.

July 20 Cancer and I am March 14 Pisces.

some cancer men arent good for anyone...lol
he has never been married has he?
you have found yourself the typical cancer dud that has a committment issue. good luck

@Geminems -
My Cancer guy was engaged when he was about 24 but she cheated on him because he wasn't attentive.
He actually told me "I deserved it" to which my response No one deserves to be cheated on.
So no he has never been married, but neither have I. I have been asked don't get me wrong, just never been that crazy for someone.
Also, I came from divorced parents and it was a baaaaaad divorce. So that makes me even more cautious.