HELP! Cancer guy now gone & need a break!! *sobs* (Page 3)

I'm still trying to forget him..living my life..appreciating the present.
I really loved him and I have to be strong.

In an ideal happy world, there would still be us in love like we did before. I really wish I can go back in time and undo my mistakes, but I can't.
I can't hate him..I am trying to..but I still love him.

I'm currently dating 1 Aries guy, and 2 Pisces guys. The water guys (Pisces) are similar to Cancers in terms of communication. I keep everything light and fun. I still miss mr.Cancer 2011 though.

Had things still be good between me and mr.Cancer2011, I wouldn't be on this board LOL and wouldn't write this thread.
So..I am sad for losing him but also glad that i am learning so much now in my life.

Hey Guys..

Ok well.. i would apreciate any advice you have to offer cause im a little confused myself.. Ill make a long story short. Im a leo and cancer man came to find me on FB in January 2011.. We were exchanging message until he one day asked me if i wanted to go for dinner on Valentines day.. I was taking my time responding to his FB messages so he had made a comment that Im making him look at his FB page every second seing if I responded. Ha ha cute.. Anyway, I accepted his invite and we went for dinner.. Nice dinner, great convo, eye to eye contct .. It was nice.. So the back and forth text messages continued mostly initiated by him I have to admit. A few weeks went by and things were good.. I was busy with family and work stuff so we were seing eachtother once a week sometimes every second week. So one day I get this random message saying why is it always on your time that we see eachother.... I was like oh im sorry I didnt realise it... He saisd its ok but went off to say that I have to be sweeter... I was like WHO.. WHAT.. WHat did he just say.. So i kept calm and asked him to explain. He basically said that I was cold, didnt show affection and i have to make a man want to spend time with him.... Ok I was kinda took my surprise becaause as being a Leo you cant get more affectionate that me.. I mean I thrieve for physical affection, feeling his arms and body.. So to hear this was a little shocking.. So i took abit of time to answer as I needed to reflect on what he said.. So I basically agreed with him .. Its true I was cold and not myself and told him that it was because i had recently ended a relationship a few months back and wasnt mysel.. He said sorry didnt know what i went through and ask if i was willing to listen to his advise for me to become sweeter.. Well I set my leoness pride aside cause I did start liking him and said sure Im listenening.. He replies good cause u have all the qualaties to suceed.. Well I was laughing inside.. He then procedeed to tell me that he didnt feel apreciated I didnt show that i like him .... So I did some thinking to see if it was worth it for me to let my wall down and let him in slowly.. Well i did.. cause i liked him, he's sweet, attentive, pleasant to the eyes etc.. A few month go by and everything was awesome.. We were seing eachother more, daily text messages, we laughed, he spent the night at my place one night and we stayed in bed almost all day and then went for a late lunch.

lol sorry so much for keeping it short and sweet.. Ok ill sum it up..

Ok so after that a month goes by everything was great.. He planned a vacation at the end of May cause he wasnt feeling himself.. Was tired, not sleeping so he said he needed to him time and went on vacation for 1 week. Before he left, we got together... said I was gonna miss him.. He did aswell and ask if he could take my picture.. I didnt think anything of it.. so i said no at first cause my hair was tied and didnt want a picture like that.. He insisted and i eventually went with it. A week goes by.. I have to say it was the longest week ever.. we didnt keep in contact cause he was in Cuba and I wasnt expecting a text since he was claiming to need him time.. A week later on Sunday evening.. I get a text saying he just got out of the plane and im the first one he called.. I was so happy to hear from him.. I said ur finaly back hope u had an amazing time.. We exchanged a few texts about his trip and ended the evening. He said that he was happy to have taking that picture of me, that he missed me that 1 week felt like 3 month etc.. and I also responded saying that i missed him etcc.. Well this is where it all goes downhill. We saw eachother the following weekend.. he needed time to re energize himself .. so he says..We had a nice evening. Hugged for hours since we didnt see eachtoher in almost 2 weeks. He spent the night again. ( oh and the sex is out of this world 😉.. He left that evening.. I then come to notice that the text messages from him became less. I wasnt getting my morning text messages.. So i would initiate and say morning.. have a good day .. In which he always responded.. Till this day he never ignored my text messages.. I would ask to see him.. He then would say maybe tomorrow .. ill see I have gym and stuff. .. He still kept the communication by text messages everyday but the seing eachother became less frequent.. So i jockinly told him that I dont like it when he makes me wait so long for my hugs and kisses.. He acknowledged that and plans to see me the next day.. It went on like that for 2 weeks.. It felt like was pulling teeth each time i wanted to see him. So i got a little anoyed and started backing off. not texting as much not asking to see him cause i wanted to see how he would react.. he kept making contact with me daily but didnt ask to see me.. So yesterday, I sent him a text message saying that this is not working out.. I guess im expecting a little more

hahaha ok last post..

I continued by saying that when i like someone i enjoy spending time with the person, getting to know them etcc.. He then responds.. Do you know why it didnt work out.. Does that mean I cant talk to you anymore.. I was like WHAT.. Do I know why it ended.. — This guy is crazy I just finished telling you why i feel it didnt work. So responded again by telloing him that he has other prioroties and feel and he cant give me the time I need. That im a little old school when it comes to dating.. This communication by text messages is not my thing.. Im a face to face and voice to voice kinda girl.. Cant chage who I am.. Well he didnt respond right away.. He waited for the evening to respond.... Here it goes.." I seriously understand where ur coming from.. I cont denie it.. im all over the place right now.. I cant maybe deliver up tp ur standards right now.. I guess I have to deal with myself and take this time to think about the whole thing and better myself in the process..Guess I have to deal with myself before letting someone else in.. Im gonna miss you but I do wanna hear from you cause i dont see why we cant still talk and check on eachtoher and see how thing goes.. But its up to you.. Cause ur a good person and sweet.." TALK ABOUT SLAP IN MY FACE HAHAHA.. I waited to respond.. And i finaly said " No worries I understand but ill leave it up to you to stay in touch from time to time.." He responded " Id love too" and that was it..
IS THIS GUY FOR REAL LOL.. Im assuming that hes keeping me on the side in case it doesnt work out with other women.. But thats my assumption..
CANCER MEN.. PLEASE GIVE ME ADIVE.. What do u guys think abut all this..

As a cancer man it sounds like you're on the back burner for now. He's either insanely sweet or insanely cunning because it seems like you gave him what he wanted an exit . I don't think he was ready to commit and he was looking to get out , had he'd been serious about you I don't think he would let you go so easily. I hate to see this stuff go down, because you are a winner as far as I'm concerned a Leo woman that can take criticism without clawing your eyes out is amazing 🙂 . When I read about him saying that he didn't feel that you were being affectionate I figured he was b.sing you because he honestly sounds like a manipulative crab to me, that's never a good thing. I'm not going to damn this guy because I don't know him but, I would be a wee bit wary of him though .

P.s. you should probably start your own thread on this forum because more people will see it and give you a better perspective on this situation ,

Hey Pnokio

Thx for the advice.. LOL yes indeed u read correctly I DID NOT go crazy chick on him when he gave me that song and danse.. And trust me I wanted to rip him another A**HOLE hahaha. ( put it this way... Im a 32 yr old social worker so ive done my own therapy hahaha ) He basically said that he needed to show him that I appreciated him, show more affection be sweeter.. bla bla.. I agreed with him cause I was infact a diffirent person after the break up.. I wanted to know nothing about anyone.. I was cold and bitchy I admit.. So I changed my attitude and was me again.. Loving affectionate, caring.. Showing him more affection.. All that BS.. And then he turns around and says that its all him.. he needs time and bla bla.. GO FIGURE.

BUT THE INTERESTING PART ISSSSSS: Well I guess he could last very long without contacting me because this afternoon literally 12 hrs after our convo .. He text: Hey good, sweet and beautifull person.. How's it going" BRAHAHAHAHAHA .. I honestly DO NOT UNDERSTAND HIM.. U want out than but u text the next afternoon my arse lol
Pnokio I will start a forum cause its driving me nuts.. But what do u think about them apples .. 😉

Posted by Jessica777
Hey Pnokio

Thx for the advice.. LOL yes indeed u read correctly I DID NOT go crazy chick on him when he gave me that song and danse.. And trust me I wanted to rip him another A**HOLE hahaha. ( put it this way... Im a 32 yr old social worker so ive done my own therapy hahaha ) He basically said that he needed to show him that I appreciated him, show more affection be sweeter.. bla bla.. I agreed with him cause I was infact a diffirent person after the break up.. I wanted to know nothing about anyone.. I was cold and bitchy I admit.. So I changed my attitude and was me again.. Loving affectionate, caring.. Showing him more affection.. All that BS.. And then he turns around and says that its all him.. he needs time and bla bla.. GO FIGURE.

BUT THE INTERESTING PART ISSSSSS: Well I guess he could last very long without contacting me because this afternoon literally 12 hrs after our convo .. He text: Hey good, sweet and beautifull person.. How's it going" BRAHAHAHAHAHA .. I honestly DO NOT UNDERSTAND HIM.. U want out than but u text the next afternoon my arse lol
Pnokio I will start a forum cause its driving me nuts.. But what do u think about them apples .. 😉

I think you take your time with this guy now because he's got to prove to you he wants back in , with more than just a sweet text like nothing happened. It may not even be that he may be checking in on you to see if you're angry with him or not. If you are serious about don't write him off yet give him a little bit to see if he wants to meet you. Then is it for friendship or for something more. He may have made a decision about you a little late but that's a cancers timing for you.

He wants friendship, don't be his friend if you feel romantic feelings for him still or you'll end up confusing his behavior and making an ass out of yourself...Tell him the truth, stop being so dishonest with him about your feelings, tell him you need time because you don't want to be his friend as long as you still have romantic feelings, maybe in time when enough time has lapsed but right now you need some space...Because if you don't you'll read too much into his behavior as if he still is interested romantically, he's not, he's done but still wants the benefits of being in your life....If I was still in love with a guy that would be very intolerable for me to do, pretend to be okay with friendship when I want more.

If he continues to contact you...ignore him, once a guy throw a woman into the friendship box, she's never getting out....miserable

@ Wineaux: Thx for the input.. But one thing for sure, I really cannot play the " Oh baby please stay " game.. Thats just not me.. He knows that im not like that.. I said what I had to say and he knows how I feel.. I plain out said it to him.. Well i didnt say that I was in love with cause im not but said that I enjoyed spending time with him.. we did have a good time when we were together.. All laughs , it was nice 🙂.. Before he left on vacation, we went to watch a movie. At the end of it on our way out.. He said that he wanted to close his eyes and wanted me to guide him all the way down to the parking lot.. I was like.. excuse me.. theres some stairs and all.. what if u fall.. He starts laughing and then says to me.. Cmon just do it lets try.. Ok I was up for the laugh so he closes his eyes and off we go.. We died of laughter all the way down .. he never opened his eyes until he got to his car.. lol Anyway I then told him that I couldnt believe he made me do that.. He says.. Its cause I trust you.. hahahaha Ok .. hmmm another test haha

@ Pnokio.. Agreed with u 100% .. Im not falling for the bate that easily this time.. But how ironic.. the text was as if nothing happened..

@ Tiki 33 Sorry girl.. I cant see ur message for some reason.. So i guess I could still say thx for the post lol 😉

LOL I hid my post, I'm not a fan of cancer men so I don't think my advice would resonate with you, I don't particularly care for the behavior and how many of the immature cancers treat women...I'll un-hide it but it probably won't be anything close to the enabling that comes from women that put up with the in and out behavior...

@ Tiki33 Thx hum.. I actually enjoyed reading ur post... its true.. im not ok with it.. I do want more ..I have enough friends lol I guess it was my way of crawling back into my shell.. well more like my kingdom since im a leo ha ha.. Just to avoid an argument i guess.. Thats what I do when im fed up.. I dont bother anymore.. Not a good thing at times cause in this case I should have told him straight out that I wasnt ok with it.. Oh well .. I guess .. thx again

* hun

Personally I feel it's frustrating to accept something less, I don't know many women that feel good about themselves after accepting a mediocre/watered down version of a relationship on his terms.

To be ignored for 3 months and allow him to slide right back in and pick up were he left off, downgrading you to a friend only to most likely hurt you again by disappearing again, well that's just not something I would tolerate, it's disrespectful, I know many women do make excuses and reasons and say it's his sign, it's about trust blah blah blah and maybe on some level that's true but in my world that's just poor neglectful behavior and I would feel powerless as if I didn't have a say in how things are going to be for me. After 3 months I wouldn't have answered his call, my motto is suffer bitch, your loss again I know that's harsh but yeah I'm not a fan of cancer men that treat women so half ass.

If you feel in your heart he's worth waiting for, worth all the trouble etc then by all means go for it...Just be true to yourself, be honest with yourself first about how you feel so you can relate that honesty over to the man in your life.

So many men in the world that won't treat you the way he's treating you, shatter your heart, disappear and come back again only to downgrade you to friend.....know your worth, only you determine how a man will treat you and only you decide if how you're being treated is good or bad...I can say it's bad all day long but maybe in your eyes it's okay, just make sure you are not settling.

@ TIKI33.. Thx again.. But sweety im not sure if u read my post.. Cancer and I were doing pretty good ( since January) until recently maybe 3 weeks now..He started from wanting to see me to all the time to all of a sudden not having very much time.. Trust me im not demanding so I would have been good with 2x a week considering we both have full time jobs.. But that hasnt even happening..I spoke to him about it he said he wasnt feeling himself bla bla I told him I understood but still needed a hug from time to time.. 2 weeks went by and he didnt initiate to see me and I didnt either cause I did my part in asking him a few times and being turned down 1x ok 2x maybe but 3 I dont think so .. I aint fussing no more.. so i wrote to him yesterday.. that i feel its not working out. i want a bit more than what he has to offer right now . and so on.. And thats when he responded a few hours later with the whole " I seriously understand where ur coming from.. Its all me I cant deny it.. I guess I need to work on myself before letting someone in. I cant maybe deliver to ur standards right now. bla bla.. Im gonna miss u but want u to call me from time to time.. I cant see why we cant talk to eachother.. AND SO ON...... So thats when i said no worries i understand but ill leave it up to u to stay in touch from time to time.. BOOM I get a text from him the next afternoon lol.. So soon i said to myself hahah..

I guess what im trying to figure out is if its really worth keeping in touch with him.. I mean... I like him and enjoy spending time with him. but is it sincere .. Thats the question? sincere enough for me to somewhat stick around and see where it goes———?

And also during those 2 weeks I cud at least say that he kept in contact through text messages everyday.. Asking how my day was.. etcc.. So I cant deny him that.. But I guess it was more of the physical attachment i needed..and was asking for.. Not meaning sex but to feel his arms around me.. Well the sex was always a plus at the end haha 😉
Did I leave too soon or is he really needing to work on himself HMMMMMM LOL

Jessica, our stories are very similar. I'm a leo he's a cancer. How old is Mr. Cancer?

Hey Leo,
Cancer is 31 yrs old.. Im also 31 .. I think we're in different stages in life.. Im pretty much settled in life.. Meeaning that I bought my condo last yesr.. Have a steady job recently went back to school to get my masters in social work..
Cancer also has a good job but always said he wants to move up in the company.. But hes not ready for the extra responsibilities cause hes been tired these past months.. He still lives with his parents which is ok i guess im not really a materialistic person so I understand when someone is tied financially and cannot reach their goals at the time..

Honestly I really dont know why im fussing over him since im the one that kinda broke it off and said it wasnt working out.. I guess it s more like I was hoping for him not to leave and say that he still wants in.. But in a way he did by keeping contact with me.. Well yesterday for that matter.. I was figuring that I wasnt gonna hear from him in months but the next day threw me off guard.. I was like so soon.. But yet i dont want him to think im ok with being friends cause im not.. I should have been honest with him.. But chose not to cause as I said.. I dont bother when im fed up..

I'm guilty....I didn't read all the post, so I'm pretty sure I was way off yesterday...Sorry

What I wanna know is this....Why can't women understand when a man is interested but not really ready to go beyond anything what his comfort level is.

This is my opinion, everybody has one so yeah take it for what it's worth.

You want more he doesn't...Can't get any clearer than that, men that give mixed messages DO NOT want a relationship...period, men that want relationships give clear signals and move forward effortlessly because he's sure.

He's completely fine talking to you on his terms, he's completely fine with a shallow connection via text messaging or a phone call but anything beyond that he can't do it which equals to unavailable man.

None of this is really bad on his part but what happens and what I see is so many of you do is have these deep expectations that if you just stick it out he'll change his mind, most men don't function that way, your either it or your not, if your not IT he's completely okay with keeping you around until his Ms.It show up....The mixed messages keep women around for way longer than she should be around.

You pick a man that
lives with his parents, acts like he's 21 years old
He downgrades you from full on contact to text messages
Is completely open about not wanting anything with you that's serious

It's just weird how he's behaving like a kid with you and yet you notice it but minimize it as well.

You can be with him but he'll never want anything with you beyond what he's comfortable with which is not much and you have to be the one that's okay with that.

Some men can do a few weeks/months of dating exclusively and then they fizzle out for whatever reason and the woman is hoping for more but doesn't grasp that that's all there is...Instead of her getting back out onto the dating scene she'll instead wast an exorbitant amount of time trying to fix and figure out a man that can't be fixed or figured out.

Immaturity is most likely playing a huge part in why your not moving forward with this guy. He's not ready to be a man.

Posted by wineaux
how many of (our) crabs still live at home? *timidly raises hand*

33 (this weekend)http://photobucket.com/images/check% 20mark" target="_blank">
has a good job but wants to move up in the companyhttp://photobucket.com/images/check% 20mark" target="_blank">
is tied financially http://photobucket.com/images/check% 20mark" target="_blank">

are we all dating the same guy?

Mine just turned 25, and before I met him he:

Didn't have a cell phone (or had a pay as you go one he never used)
Lives with his mom
Didn't finish school
Doesn't have a car

Now:
He bought an iPhone with a plan.
He wants to buy a house within the next 4 months (he got some inheritance money)
Is finishing his schooling
Wants to buy that house in a city close by some universities and is actually talking about going and getting a real degree
Is thinking about getting a motorcycle (okay not a car but it's still transportation)

He seems to want to "grow up" now that I'm with him, I think that's a good sign

Posted by tiki33
I'm guilty....I didn't read all the post, so I'm pretty sure I was way off yesterday...Sorry

What I wanna know is this....Why can't women understand when a man is interested but not really ready to go beyond anything what his comfort level is.

Some men can do a few weeks/months of dating exclusively and then they fizzle out for whatever reason and the woman is hoping for more but doesn't grasp that that's all there is...Instead of her getting back out onto the dating scene she'll instead wast an exorbitant amount of time trying to fix and figure out a man that can't be fixed or figured out.

Immaturity is most likely playing a huge part in why your not moving forward with this guy. He's not ready to be a man.

This is really true. I think it just takes the right kind of man to want a relationship. Funny how cancer is supposed to be the most nurturing of signs and it sounds like almost every post on here is about the guy not wanting to commit. Although I must admit I haven't looked at the other boards. It took me a really longggg time, but I feel like now I'm kind of the expert on "unrequited love" and I know how to spot when a guy doesn't want a relationship, so I can leave with my dignity intact. As much as it sucks, those books/movies like "He's just not that into you", "The Ugly Truth", "The Rules" etc.. they're all true. Those writers really nailed it on the head. If he's not calling, not initiating, not giving you affection, romantic gifts (I took a relationships class and they said that if he's buying stuff like vacuums instead of jewelry, he doesn't think of you romantically) he's just not that into you.

The biggest downfall of human nature is that we always want what we can't have. So just by the fact that the guy is NOT into you, you want him more. His mystery intrigues us..same goes for the men too. That's why showing less interest without being cold is so important. Let him contact you and mirror his actions. That doesn't mean if you do all that it will hook him, because there's the whole "Free will" thing and he just might not want you. But just think back to all those guys who showed interest in you who were decent but you were kind of bored with them...it's because they put all their cards out on the table and screwed themselves. It's a game, as shallow is that statement is. Don't let anyone see your cards.

Very intelligent response Roxy...Sure you are 22? LOL (that's a compliment by the way)

yeah I'm still 22 haha but I am actually very inexperienced in the realm of dating.. just because, having had SO much experience in the whole "unrequited love" thing.. I'm more of an expert on knowing if the guy is interested and how to hook him than what to DO WITH HIM when you actually do get him. Totally know how to get the guy and when to drop him, but I'm kind of like a cat with a mouse.. it finally gets the mouse and then it's like, "okay now what?" so yes, I'm mature in that respect, but very inexperienced and naive in how to be someone's girlfriend, if that makes sense.

Posted by roxyfalcon2006

Posted by wineaux
how many of (our) crabs still live at home? *timidly raises hand*

33 (this weekend)http://photobucket.com/images/check% 20mark" target="_blank">
has a good job but wants to move up in the companyhttp://photobucket.com/images/check% 20mark" target="_blank">
is tied financially http://photobucket.com/images/check% 20mark" target="_blank">

are we all dating the same guy?

Mine just turned 25, and before I met him he:

Didn't have a cell phone (or had a pay as you go one he never used)
Lives with his mom
Didn't finish school
Doesn't have a car

Now:
He bought an iPhone with a plan.
He wants to buy a house within the next 4 months (he got some inheritance money)
Is finishing his schooling
Wants to buy that house in a city close by some universities and is actually talking about going and getting a real degree
Is thinking about getting a motorcycle (okay not a car but it's still transportation)

He seems to want to "grow up" now that I'm with him, I think that's a good sign

click to expand

I'm not picking this apart but I can't help but notice none of his plans include you....Does he ever include you in his future? When he discusses his plans about anything whether it's now or later down the line in the future does he say we or us?

Although you definitely would share in the benefits of him growing up, sometimes he can grow up and grow right past you onto the next girl that didn't put in all that emotional work and inspiration to help him grow, make sure your not playing mama with him and/or over investing.

Oh, also, I took a shit load of relationship and sexuality classes at my university (The History of Sexuality, Psychology and Biology of Human Sexuality, Interpersonal Communication (which was a relationship class taught by a married couple) also, my dad's a divorce lawyer....so I know a lot about how people make mistakes and what to avoid in relationships.

Posted by roxyfalcon2006
yeah I'm still 22 haha but I am actually very inexperienced in the realm of dating.. just because, having had SO much experience in the whole "unrequited love" thing.. I'm more of an expert on knowing if the guy is interested and how to hook him than what to DO WITH HIM when you actually do get him. Totally know how to get the guy and when to drop him, but I'm kind of like a cat with a mouse.. it finally gets the mouse and then it's like, "okay now what?" so yes, I'm mature in that respect, but very inexperienced and naive in how to be someone's girlfriend, if that makes sense.

Honestly you mastered the hard part, many women have not so you are ahead of the game, being a good girlfriend is really about trial and error, something you learn as you go along which isn't very hard, the important thing is to allow yourself the opportunity to make mistakes so by the time your 25/30 you'll be teaching me something, you'd gained relationship/dating guru status only b/c you're so far ahead already which is impressive.

@tiki Yes, actually it kind of scared me a little, because I feel like he's almost too invested in me already. I have a car, an iphone, 2 Bachelor's degrees, and I'm living on my own...now all of a sudden he's trying to catch up to my independence it seems like. And even before we started dating he'd talk about things in the farrrr away future, like wanting to go to Thailand together for a month in February, a 2-day road trip to his hometown in September, etc. I'm like, 1 out of 3 contacts in his iPhone, and now he texts me every day. I have not once intiated a phonecall, text, facebook message, or even invited him over in the entire time I've been here (about a month). It seems like as soon as I got here, he went full-tilt into this relationship thing...it's very true how attached cancers get; I've met almost all of his friends and family now and he's starting to kind of isolate himself from them and only wants to hang out with me, which I DO NOT LIKE. I'm not the girl that hogs her boyfriend's attention, or needs to see him every day. His friends were kind of sad I think that they didn't get to see him that much on our camping trip (it was his birthday weekend thing) and I know it was because he was with me. I even tried to like..push him to go off with his friends and I could stay there by myself and nap for a bit and he said "No, I like spending time with you."

So yes, he's making future plans, every single day and in the future, which is nice, however I just don't want it to get too serious this quickly because A. I'm totallly too young to even think about marriage, B. I don't plan on having sex for a while and C. If he falls this quickly INTO it he could possibly fall this quickly OUT of it. For a long time when I first met him, I TOTALLY OBSESSED and joined this bored because we hardly ever talked and I wanted help picking apart everything, but now, I feel like he's definitely more into me than I am into him. Sure I'm totally attracted to him and everything, but when it comes to being emotionally into someone, it takes me a really long time after that initial obsessive attraction wears off.

OMG! Tell me! Coles notes 😉

I'm with a Cancer guy. I don't know if I'm his gf but he called me his and wants to be just him and I. We had sex once, it was awkward because it wasn't the great night I think we both hoped for. I don't know how to approach this with him. What to ask, what to say without being confrontational, which I have a habit of being. We;ve been talking for 1.5 months.. seeing each other for a month. IS this too soon? I almost don't want to have sex again until this is figured out. Is it too late now? I don't know.

Posted by roxyfalcon2006
Oh, also, I took a shit load of relationship and sexuality classes at my university (The History of Sexuality, Psychology and Biology of Human Sexuality, Interpersonal Communication (which was a relationship class taught by a married couple) also, my dad's a divorce lawyer....so I know a lot about how people make mistakes and what to avoid in relationships.

haha, call me a ditz but what does coles notes mean??

lol short form. Cheat sheet to books etc.

That's interesting. And I've read so much about Cancers being clingy. Mine I don't think is. I find him to be private. He hasn't invited me into "his turf" yet, ... he's taking it slow except with me. It's only been 1.5 months since we started talking... but it's been pretty even flowing. What does it mean that he's not THAT CLINGY? Is he taking his time or is he just using me to have sex with... Or when they are clingy, what does that mean, do they uncling themselves and then what?

Posted by roxyfalcon2006
@tiki Yes, actually it kind of scared me a little, because I feel like he's almost too invested in me already. I have a car, an iphone, 2 Bachelor's degrees, and I'm living on my own...now all of a sudden he's trying to catch up to my independence it seems like. And even before we started dating he'd talk about things in the farrrr away future, like wanting to go to Thailand together for a month in February, a 2-day road trip to his hometown in September, etc. I'm like, 1 out of 3 contacts in his iPhone, and now he texts me every day. I have not once intiated a phonecall, text, facebook message, or even invited him over in the entire time I've been here (about a month). It seems like as soon as I got here, he went full-tilt into this relationship thing...it's very true how attached cancers get; I've met almost all of his friends and family now and he's starting to kind of isolate himself from them and only wants to hang out with me, which I DO NOT LIKE. I'm not the girl that hogs her boyfriend's attention, or needs to see him every day. His friends were kind of sad I think that they didn't get to see him that much on our camping trip (it was his birthday weekend thing) and I know it was because he was with me. I even tried to like..push him to go off with his friends and I could stay there by myself and nap for a bit and he said "No, I like spending time with you."

So yes, he's making future plans, every single day and in the future, which is nice, however I just don't want it to get too serious this quickly because A. I'm totallly too young to even think about marriage, B. I don't plan on having sex for a while and C. If he falls this quickly INTO it he could possibly fall this quickly OUT of it. For a long time when I first met him, I TOTALLY OBSESSED and joined this bored because we hardly ever talked and I wanted help picking apart everything, but now, I feel like he's d

Posted by pr_princess
That's interesting. And I've read so much about Cancers being clingy. Mine I don't think is. I find him to be private. He hasn't invited me into "his turf" yet, ... he's taking it slow except with me. It's only been 1.5 months since we started talking... but it's been pretty even flowing. What does it mean that he's not THAT CLINGY? Is he taking his time or is he just using me to have sex with... Or when they are clingy, what does that mean, do they uncling themselves and then what?

I think maybe the reason mine has gotten so attached is because I still have an air of mystery about me.. I've met almost all his friends and family, and he's just met 2 of my friends but he'll be meeting MY HUGE family this weekend.. kinda nervous. We've only been like "official" since pretty much Sunday, but we were basically bf/gf for the past month. Don't have sex with him again unless he asks you to be his gf. He'll have a lot more respect for you if you make him wait. I felt like I already went too far this past weekend with mine, but I'm still a virgin and not sleeping with him for a LONG time, if ever.. so I'll always have that shroud of mystery too. A man loves a strong, independent woman who has her own life, own friends, and doesn't need to see him all the time. Self-confidence (even if you have to fake it) is a huge turn-on for them. I never contact him. He is still "winning me over" and the longer it takes him to win the prize, the more that prize is worth, catch my drift? I made a mistake this weekend and went way too far, my sex drive got the best of me and we were like INCHES from going all the way, so today I'm going to give him a talk and just tell him I'm waiting until I'm comfortable which might be never, and if he's not okay with that then I can't be with him.

My advice to you is let him come to you, mirror his communication (respond when he calls, texts, etc. but dont' initiate it for a while) and DO NOT have sex with him. Don't let him have the milk for free until he buys the cow!

Thank you! You made me feel so much better. 🙂 I won't but the one time we did it wasn't great. I could sense him kinda of being embarrassed. He was so quiet after I didn't know what to think. He's supposed to come by and I'm not sure what to do or what to say. If you have some idea please share. 🙂 I just don't know how to approach it so he doesn't feel like less of a man. That suddenly I don't want to have sex.

I'm actually having a similar talk with mine tonight, just re-stating that despite how far we got this weekend, I still don't plan on losing my virginity for a long time and we should go back to taking it slow. Don't make it sound like you didn't enjoy it, or you think he's getting distant, just tell him that you want to be more "emotionally invested" in someone before you make that decision.. there are lots of consequences to having sex too early and you don't want to mess up what you guys have. Also tell him how you plan on having a career and goals in life and an unexpected pregnancy could ruin your plans. This way, he'll know that you don't want it because YOU are a mature, independent woman whose sexuality you keep guarded because it has a high VALUE. Also, about him being shy.. mine is the same way, it seems like whenever we're making out in the daylight, he won't take off his clothes, but in the dark he's more comfortable with it. Even though his body is fine, he keeps saying how he wants to go to the gym and stuff, I think he has UDS- Ugly Duckling Syndrome (where a hot guy doesn't realize their hotness). To me, that's a turn on. Because he's not so sure of his looks, he thinks you're kind of out of his league which again, gives you more value. Plus, I think it'd make him less likely to cheat. My gemini ex was hot as hell (he modelled for Hollister) but.. he knew it, and it made me uncomfortable. Oh, and he cheated on me, with a guy.

also, cancers are known for being AWESOME in bed... so maybe he was just nervous and that's why it wasn't so great. Mine totally does not seem like the type that would know what he's doing at ALL, but let me tell you I was completely SHOCKED because he seems to know EXACTLY what he's doing, it was awesome. The first time getting physical with someone can be nerve-racking, especially to self-conscious cancer, so maybe do it in the dark after a few drinks (don't get drunk though..) and he'll be a little more at ease.

@ TIKI33.. Oh no no sweety I think ur not understandign me or maybe im not coming out very clear.. Im the one that ended it with him cause he wasnt giving me what I wanted.. After the text message he sent yesterday I havnt responded..
He came to find me on FB in January.. I didnt give him the time of day for maybe a few weeks. He would text me all the time every 5 mins almost.. I never initiated anything.. Until he one day told me that I wasnt being sweet with him.. Not affectionate bla bla.. He was basically gonna cut m,e off which I didnt really care.. But I think what caught him off guard is that I agreed with his critisism... I admitted that I lost the sweetness in me, that Im cold hearted Biatch right now because of a relationship that ended a few months back... He said that he didnt know it was because of that and apologized.. I took it with a grain of salt.. But as we spent more time together, I started liking him and slightly let my wall down and started " acting sweeter".. everything was going really good.. Taking about if we had kids together who they would look like, saying that if I have kids with im its gonna be all boys cause he knows I want boys.. Weel any child will do as long as its healthy by u catch my drift..
He then stated backing off and thats where a crawled back into my own self made leoness shell and ended it with him on Monday.. And that when he sent the message saying that its all him , he admits of being all over the place right now..... u know the rest as I posted it before ... I gues what if trying to do is vent that this A**HOLE got me to fall for him and I wasnt even gonna go there.. Thats what pisses me off.. lol Kinda a slap in the face for my lion pride.. lol

Im not sticking around in hopes that he will come back.. Im venting that he manipulated me to think he was " a good guy.. worth letteing my guards down and letting him in.. HAAAAAAAAAAAA
Like I said its a pride thing

THanks darlin! You're such a smart gal for a 22 yr old!! 🙂

Posted by roxyfalcon2006
also, cancers are known for being AWESOME in bed... so maybe he was just nervous and that's why it wasn't so great. Mine totally does not seem like the type that would know what he's doing at ALL, but let me tell you I was completely SHOCKED because he seems to know EXACTLY what he's doing, it was awesome. The first time getting physical with someone can be nerve-racking, especially to self-conscious cancer, so maybe do it in the dark after a few drinks (don't get drunk though..) and he'll be a little more at ease.

Posted by pr_princess
THanks darlin! You're such a smart gal for a 22 yr old!! 🙂

Posted by roxyfalcon2006
also, cancers are known for being AWESOME in bed... so maybe he was just nervous and that's why it wasn't so great. Mine totally does not seem like the type that would know what he's doing at ALL, but let me tell you I was completely SHOCKED because he seems to know EXACTLY what he's doing, it was awesome. The first time getting physical with someone can be nerve-racking, especially to self-conscious cancer, so maybe do it in the dark after a few drinks (don't get drunk though..) and he'll be a little more at ease.

click to expand

a lot of what I learned about cancers was from this board. so you should thank everyone here that are the experts!

Posted by roxyfalcon2006
I even tried to like..push him to go off with his friends and I could stay there by myself and nap for a bit and he said "No, I like spending time with you."

See this is why I think I'm lucky when it comes to my Cancer guy. His closest friends are also my closest friends so we can all hang out just like it was before we started dating. He's also aware when he's being a jerk to them for me lol unlike some guys, because he knows how much I care about them too. So he tries to be just as good as a friend to them for me... if you get what I mean.

I think you're breaking love down into too much of a science. I mean it works for you which is great, and you can definitely offer your advice because it's what soo many girls need to hear (men respecting self-confidence, mystery, etc, etc) and every ones different, but I'm just going to offer my personal views.

I've been dating my cancer for about a month and a half. We haven't had sex (we're both virgins). I've told him almost everything about my life. We will stay up all night long talking. But I tell him everything. The mistakes I've consciously made. The ways I've been bullied and abused. Why I don't get along with my family. He knows everything. I'm confident to tell him these things, which he gets, I make myself really vulnerable to his criticisms but he doesn't even think about them. He just understands what I was going through at the time or that I've been immature but grown and changed. He understands. And even when I'm the only one talking for hours into the night he'll say stuff like "I'm sorry for keeping you up."

We're extremely close because I let go with him. I do what I want to do in the moment. I've gone further physically then I "planned" to on a few occasions, but I don't regret it because it's what I wanted to do at the time and it felt right, and I know that if I had said "no" he would have stopped without a question. As long as it feels right (and good!) go for it. Principles are for people who care about what their image looks like more then how they feel or how the person their with feels.

It's sort of like games in a relationship. They might be needed at first to keep a persons attention, but after that you've got to let go and make yourself vulnerable to get close to a person. The risk is that the guy is now getting to know the REAL you and it would hurt a hell of a l

a lot more to get rejected when your being honest. You've got to trust them even though it's terrifying. But it's real amazing with the right person.

@Jessica I wasn't actually speaking to you, sorry for the confusion, I was speaking to Kristalaries....Total misunderstanding

Reminder for me to use names when address other people.

This is what I was responding too Jessica

"UPDATE ON MR.CANCER, JUNE 9 2011

"FINALLY I GET CLOSURE (AFTER 3 MONTHS OF ALMOST NO CONTACT)"

Out of nowhere..mr.Cancer called me..and here's what he said :"

Then I hid that post and when you addressed me Jessica about hiding my post I never took the time to look at your name, I just assumed you were Kristal, I'm now realizing that post was never meant for you, I haven't been posting on DXP like I used to so right now I'm still getting adjusted and making huge mistakes that I typically don't make.

All my fault, again sorry...

@ TIKI33.. Hahaha No worries hun.. Forums could get confusing at times so i figured it wasnt just a mistake.. Indeed that is not my post. Way too complicated for me lol

You're absolutely right. Except we are both 30 and we both have our careers and enjoy our jobs. It's what comes next is what's scary. Some guys are ready once they've settled and gotten themselves established, and some are not. So I will talk to him because I do want to be close with him.

In terms of "emotionally invested" ... what do you mean by that?

Posted by roxyfalcon2006
I'm actually having a similar talk with mine tonight, just re-stating that despite how far we got this weekend, I still don't plan on losing my virginity for a long time and we should go back to taking it slow. Don't make it sound like you didn't enjoy it, or you think he's getting distant, just tell him that you want to be more "emotionally invested" in someone before you make that decision.. there are lots of consequences to having sex too early and you don't want to mess up what you guys have. Also tell him how you plan on having a career and goals in life and an unexpected pregnancy could ruin your plans. This way, he'll know that you don't want it because YOU are a mature, independent woman whose sexuality you keep guarded because it has a high VALUE. Also, about him being shy.. mine is the same way, it seems like whenever we're making out in the daylight, he won't take off his clothes, but in the dark he's more comfortable with it. Even though his body is fine, he keeps saying how he wants to go to the gym and stuff, I think he has UDS- Ugly Duckling Syndrome (where a hot guy doesn't realize their hotness). To me, that's a turn on. Because he's not so sure of his looks, he thinks you're kind of out of his league which again, gives you more value. Plus, I think it'd make him less likely to cheat. My gemini ex was hot as hell (he modelled for Hollister) but.. he knew it, and it made me uncomfortable. Oh, and he cheated on me, with a guy.

by emotionally invested I mean like... you value yourself and your body enough to wait until you're in love with someone to start a sexual relationship with them. I know it's kind of old school and people have sex a lot earlier now, but if you start having sex on the basis of just wanting your pleasure of the day instead of making an emotional connection to enjoy together because you LOVE eachother, you're making love, not just having sex... it means a lot more and if you want a long term relationship with this guy, it's really important :-) (all this coming from the virgin--but I've studied a lot haha)

Just realized HOW sensitive my cancer is. We didn't do anything. I don't know IF I can handle this.

Posted by pr_princess
Just realized HOW sensitive my cancer is. We didn't do anything. I don't know IF I can handle this.

really? what happened? I talked to mine today and he was fine with it. thank god that awkward conversation is over haha

Ok let me ask you. Is your guy very openly affectionate in public? I thought Cancers were private people but he holds me to himself when we're out and is very kissy. We didn't quite have the conversation because we were interrupted but all in all I think him and I are good. The only thing that bothered me a bit, is I said I'm having a dinner with a friend and he didn't even ask what friend, guy or girl. Every guy I've dated would have asked. Is it because he doesn't care or ... ?

Posted by pr_princess
Ok let me ask you. Is your guy very openly affectionate in public? I thought Cancers were private people but he holds me to himself when we're out and is very kissy. We didn't quite have the conversation because we were interrupted but all in all I think him and I are good. The only thing that bothered me a bit, is I said I'm having a dinner with a friend and he didn't even ask what friend, guy or girl. Every guy I've dated would have asked. Is it because he doesn't care or ... ?

Not sure about that, mine has said he's not a huge fan of PDA but he always wants to hold my hand when we're walking and he'll put his arm around me and stuff.. not so much kissing in public. He's kind of weird though like he doesn't like getting his picture taken for some reason and he hates being the center of attention and put on the spot (i think he might have really low self esteem maybe, which is weird since he's totally hot!)

and about the having dinner with a friend thing.. since you just came out and said it beforehand, he probably has no reason to ask, but he might be curious. my cancer's best friend OBVIOUSLY likes me, as said by many of his friends and its really awkward to me...he got drunk this past weekend and was like massaging my neck and stuff and makes jokes to my bf that we're hanging out and like cheating, he's really weird-anyways, my bf was like yeah whatever david's just like that and i don't feel threatened by him (who knows if that's what he's thinking inside) but at least in that sense I don't have to worry about him thinking I'd act on his friends advances. not a chance in hell would that happen, ew.