HELP! Cancer guy now gone & need a break!! *sobs* (Page 2)

HI!you know what you are doing you are only giving him chance to boost his insecurity and ego on ur stake.deep down he is weak and for now he is so confident becoz a girl is dying for him crazy for him...WHAT AN EGO BOOST for a weak and insecure person...why dont u stop contacting him..give him taste of his own medicine...go add 10 guys in ur fb and start updating happy status so that he could see u r doing fine without him..you got a life which wud flow wwith or without him...do it i am sure within 5 days his eyes would be poppin g out to know why u have changed...being there and done that..though still not out from the mud completely but now i know the rules of game that is simple...TELL HIM LOUD U NOW DONT NEED HIM IN UR LIFE....when he wud come strong talk to him in a nonchalant way and go with life never contact him...he will feel you easy...i have done that though i was in relation with him from 1.5 long years but due to regular contacting lost my charm in his eyes..and now i am fed up and going to dump him soon..so i am saying you due to experience never be easy..let him chase you forever..give him only when he contacts you or make efforts...

Posted by ImpressMe
Ok, can I slap you please? Since you giving out shit free can I slap the other cheek. You know this man knows you??re going on facebook checking his shit out, right. You still on facebook trying to figure out how many chicks he is adding on there in the last two hours? LOL, please his dick is not made out of gold but your pussy is. Feel sorry for the next bitch that has deal with his ass. Know you are the shit and believe that he just couldn't handle a sexy bitch like you.

Honestly dear..(not being vain but I have a Leo Moon so can't help to self promote LOL)..I am sexy yes..and I work hard for my physique..sweating in the gym & dance classes, watching what I eat like a hawk.. He knows it too! He often compliments me. But it seems that Mr.Cancer doesn't need just a sexy beauty, but he also needs a DOORMAT, which I am not!!
I was so angry before I read your post, Impress. I was trying to entertain myself playing wardrobe, trying on clothes in my closet and it was so much fun I forgot my anger. Then I look at myself..I realize that I AM A CATCH and Mr.Cancer is too proud to admit it, or I don't know what's in his head.

Maybe he just wants love (sex) with no drama,no jealousy, no opinion. He just wants a blow up doll perhaps! Oooh I am so angry now!!!

This thread makes me wanna throw up all of the Dungeness crab I ate last night. *smh* I'm shocked that this is an Aries saying all of this shit. Where's your fucking Aries dignity— You should be embarrassed and ashamed the way you are dealing with this guy who's out fucking as many women as he can. Cancer men are straight up players, and they only choose weak-willed women so they can keep on playin. Don't believe me? I bet you this Cancer dude won't even make direct eye contact with you. That's because he's hiding many things, this is what they do. My Cancerian biz partner plays his Pisces wife like a fucking concerto. She's clueless and/or stupid and foolish. kristalaries, you're not a fool, you're a damn fool!

Whoever said that Cancer men have no balls, you are absolutely correctamundo!! Aries women have more balls, and that's fo damn sho! There, I said it, deal.

Later,
~GM

Some lolworthy advice being given out here. I understand trying to get kristalaries back her confidence and to help move her on and everything, but this attempt to paint this guy as the "bad" one here is ridiculous, and will only exacerbate the problems kristalaries already has. The Cancer guy may even be currently lying to her and he may be not, but it's clear that she contributed to this current situation and is only making it worse.

@kristalaries, you can continue to listen to that advice and believe in that delusion where he's the bad guy and you're "justified" in your anger and "strong" which will all make you feel better, but you'll never truly deal with the issues you have now, and this same type of thing will just happen again in the next relationship. I can tell you right now that it's your behavior that's the problem here. What you're doing is stalking him (not giving him any breathing space to miss you especially when he told you to wait to be together), being excessively melodramatic (seriously you're saying that you'll kill yourself and HE has to convince you not to?), and extremely obsessive (obsessing over the smallest things while assuming the worst about him such as adding females on facebook somehow means he's cheating?). Seriously, do you think *any* guy would want to deal with that? Or any person for that matter?

But what's laughable is how people are encouraging you that your behavior is of a "strong" woman and how you shouldn't change, or how you need some "real" man to be with because only a "real" man could handle a "strong" Aries woman. Normally I wouldn't care, but this "advice" will only hurt you in the long run since you'll just continue the behavior that led you to this point in the first place. Your choice on if you want to hear self-affirming fantasy justifications, or if you wanna hear from someone who won't sugarcoat the truth and who could give you our male perspective. I personally wouldn't take as much stock in the opinions of those who only have failed relationships with Cancer males or those who seem to be envious rivals in order to determine how we think, but that's just me.

Posted by GeminiMind
This thread makes me wanna throw up all of the Dungeness crab I ate last night. *smh* I'm shocked that this is an Aries saying all of this shit. Where's your fucking Aries dignity— You should be embarrassed and ashamed the way you are dealing with this guy who's out fucking as many women as he can. Cancer men are straight up players, and they only choose weak-willed women so they can keep on playin. Don't believe me? I bet you this Cancer dude won't even make direct eye contact with you. That's because he's hiding many things, this is what they do. My Cancerian biz partner plays his Pisces wife like a fucking concerto. She's clueless and/or stupid and foolish. kristalaries, you're not a fool, you're a damn fool!

Whoever said that Cancer men have no balls, you are absolutely correctamundo!! Aries women have more balls, and that's fo damn sho! There, I said it, deal.

Later,
~GM

And a male Gemini would know all about balls, wouldn't they? You know how they taste like too?

You can tell it's some serious envy when someone who has no noteworthy insight to give to the thread (not a Cancer male, not someone who's involved with a Cancer male, and not even an Aries) has to chime in with the echo-chamber of jilted lovers and give his 2 cents on how Cancer guys are DA WORST IN DA WURLDZ!!1 And yet everyone still continues to be attracted and get into relationships with them regardless. I can sense the butthurt from here.

Posted by DarkCancerian
I personally wouldn't take as much stock in the opinions of those who only have failed relationships with Cancer males or those who seem to be envious rivals in order to determine how we think, but that's just me.

Well, I guess you could say I've had a failed relationship with a crab male, but I think I do have some pretty good advice for this chica.

Okay no, cancers do not like to be controlled, but honsetly, do you like to be controlled? I have an aries mother and that woman CANNOT be controled. Anyone who tries gets her wrath, and might I add, it's scary haha. Personally, I'm a gem and I absolutely detest people trying to control me. So all of the suicide threats and the emotional freak-outs and the blowing up his phone is YOU trying to control HIM, guilt him into coming back. That will not work. Period. At best, he may come back momentarily and wipe your tears because he hates to hurt people but you can expect to find him running for the hills again (and honey, no offense but who wouldn't?). I sympathize with you because I know break ups can be so hard but life is full of surprises. It takes us down many roads we never thought we'd walk down. You cannot possibly know what life has in store for you, and maybe the two of you are meant to be together and he'll come back. But you need to stop controlling, obsessing, allowing youself to be controled and RELAX. By trying to control the situation, you're only putting off the wonderful plans that the universe already has in store for you. Quit the resisting, calm your mind and breathe. Make a habit of this and I promise things will start to become much clearer for you.

No man wants a desperate, needy, overly emotional woman. It means she's not secure in herself, it means she would be troublesome in a long-term relationship. I know that fire signs and sometimes air signs have trouble seeing how incredibly overbearing we are and how needy we look. We don't like to take a fight or potential slight lying down, so we take action (this is part of our masculine/positive aspect of our element) but just because it says positive, does not always mean that it's a positive course of action. Calm the fire and the anger because all you're doing is pushing him further and further away.

I have to agree with Dark Cancerian and say the advice some of the people on here are giving you is only to help you build enough confidence to ditch this guy and move on. But as far as I can see through reading your posts, you're not giving up anytime soon and thus, you will GREATLY benefit yourself to relax and evaluate YOURSELF. Aries can be very strong willed but at the same exact time, be extreamely needy, clingy, and in-your-face obnoctious. I have seen my other act this way hundreds of times with my (pisces) father. When she acts like this, all it does is make him hide. And the more she does this, the more he hides. Then no ones needs get met.

The truth is, all signs are capable of having "balls". We all just deal with life in different manners. What you should focus on is weather or not your way of dealing with things is beneficial to you and if you get back together with your cancer, you may need to learn better or different ways of communicating with him. My father has said to me before "your mother is always in my face. I love her but sometimes, I really wish she'd calm down, make herself busy and let me come to her." I'm sure cancers feel the same way, I at least found this to be the case with mine.

The more you freak out on him, rant to him, yell at him or threaten suicide to him, the more you are showing him just how unstable of a person you are. No man (not just cancers) wants a woman who behaves like this. Honestly, stop worrying about what HE is doing and weather HE will come back. Start worrying about what YOU are doing and what YOU want. Focus your energy on other things, clear your head and then and only then will things start to take a turn for the better... whether or not he comes back, only time will tell and you can't control time, can you?

I agree with DarkCancerian. Go ahead and be melodramatic, emotional, needy, etc... scream into your pillow. Vent it out some way or another but NEVER, EVER, EVER, let your guy of interest see that side of you. Seriously, I am a Virgo, Aries ascendant (I feel like my personality is more Aries/Leo, though) and come on.. do you really think that being this emotional to his face is going to attract him to you? I've taken a few psychology/relationship classes at my university and the basic human motto is "you always want what you can't have". Not saying you should go buy that book "The Rules" and follow them to a T, but at least in my experience, if you want a guy, give a slight green light to show your somewhat interested in him and then BACK OFF. It is just a natural human function to want something that seems off limits or somewhat difficult to have. If you throw yourself at someone it makes you look less valuable in their eyes. So pick yourself up off the floor, dry your tears, go workout and feel good about yourself, go out to the bar with some girlfriends and flirt with other men to boost your confidence and distract you. If he wants you, he will eventually contact you. If he doesn't want you... he won't. There is nothing you can do to change his mind. Seriously, once a person has made a decision about someone, it's really hard to change that decision. Good luck, I hope you get that Aries fire and confidence back!

Posted by DarkCancerian

Posted by GeminiMind
This thread makes me wanna throw up all of the Dungeness crab I ate last night. *smh* I'm shocked that this is an Aries saying all of this shit. Where's your fucking Aries dignity— You should be embarrassed and ashamed the way you are dealing with this guy who's out fucking as many women as he can. Cancer men are straight up players, and they only choose weak-willed women so they can keep on playin. Don't believe me? I bet you this Cancer dude won't even make direct eye contact with you. That's because he's hiding many things, this is what they do. My Cancerian biz partner plays his Pisces wife like a fucking concerto. She's clueless and/or stupid and foolish. kristalaries, you're not a fool, you're a damn fool!

Whoever said that Cancer men have no balls, you are absolutely correctamundo!! Aries women have more balls, and that's fo damn sho! There, I said it, deal.

Later,
~GM

And a male Gemini would know all about balls, wouldn't they? You know how they taste like too?

You can tell it's some serious envy when someone who has no noteworthy insight to give to the thread (not a Cancer male, not someone who's involved with a Cancer male, and not even an Aries) has to chime in with the echo-chamber of jilted lovers and give his 2 cents on how Cancer guys are DA WORST IN DA WURLDZ!!1 And yet everyone still continues to be attracted and get into relationships with them regardless. I can sense the butthurt from here.

click to expand

HaHaHa @ the whiny, crybaby Cancer guy! Only weak women want you, as you can clearly see here. So, shut up, Bitch. HaHa!! 😉

LATEST UPDATE

On April 5, 2011 evening when I am upset....and about to go to bed..suddenly there is a BEEP on my phone. A message. I thought it's my friend. So..I reluctantly check..it's Mr.Cancer!
Here's what he said :

"Hi Kristal, are you already asleep? I just finish playing football with colleagues and now want to go home."

So I replied
"Hi, I almost want to sleep. Be careful when driving home,hon. If possible send me sms when you arrive home so I know u are safe"
(I know his house is 1 hour driving away and when he's exhausted driving sometimes he feels sleepy..)

Then he replied
"Ok will do..thanks dear.u better go sleep now"

Honestly..I feel so happy getting those texts from him...I sleep so happy and peaceful, so sound.

The morning, I wake up..there's a simple sms from him from last night "Home & safe now here. Nights"

On 6 April I send him message but there is no reply. But...I got a spark of hope. I saw a ray of light. Please give me insight, what does this mean? I miss him so much I really want things to get back to normal like before..how long does it take?

ADVICE FROM MY CANCER MALE FRIEND

He said :
- try sending 1-2 messages per day, keep it light and casual
- maintain cool behavior

Please give me feedback & insight. Today no news again from Mr.Cancer.

I will respond & reply the the wonderful forum friends who have take their time to post on my thread.. 🙂 I highly appreciate it 🙂
I'm going to grab a bite and will be back here to respond the messages. Hugs from Kristal the Aries Girl

Nope, I wouldn't send anymore messages until he responds to the last one you sent or he makes contact again. Don't seem too needy and eager to hear from him.

He's testing the waters to see what your emotional status is. If you're angry, sad, etc. Pull back a little and allow him to do the contacting....

Why are we having it shut down?

Please don't shut it down..please help me!
It's the only place where I can have dialogue and learn more about my Cancer man.
I thought this is a friendly forum, besides I don't violate any forum terms here..!! Please give consideration..
Sigh..please don't do it! This is my only HOPE!
I haven't saved all the important informations from this thread yet please don't delete it!!

PLEASE DON'T DELETE MY THREAD

Have heart, friends. I am not doing anything bad to anyone. If someone is offended, I apologize. But I am just a confused girl dealing with my situation and this place is MY ONLY HOPE for learning how to cope with my situation and my Cancer man.

Please help me here keep my thread and please don't delete it, because I need to learn and also cope with this break I am facing with my Cancer man. I'm not doing anything bad or personally attacking anyone here and I follow forum rules so please friends be objective and considerate. I am a person who needs to learn and need help. I am not a troll or poser. This thread means a lot to me.

Kristal

Posted by PurrHiss
I think you need to see a psychiatrist immediately. I'm dead serious, and I'm not trying to be condescending or mean at all. It's not normal to feel suicidal or threaten someone with it after a break up, especially when you're only 20 and your relationship lasted less than 2 months. Good luck.

I agree with you here that this girl should probably seek help.

But a lot of people DO threaten suicide after break ups. Not because they're actually thinking of doing it, because they want attention. I have a friend who recently did it...she was so bad she was even telling me she was trying to slit her wrists. It got real old fast because her and her BF are very off and on and everytime it would happen, she'd have me in a massive panic, worrying about her safety. When in reality, she was just seeking attention. I can't stand it when people pull that shit.

You have already flagged this topic.
There have not been enough other users that have flagged this topic for action to automatically be taken.

😢

Posted by PurrHiss
And personally, I'd much rather look like a gullible fool than live with the guilt of not taking someone seriously who ends their life.

I took her seriously every time and I still do. I always wake my ass up and drive over to her house in the middle of the night.

I completely agree with PP, leave the thread up. If you don't like what she's writing, ignore it.

Hi,I've been away because taking care of some things.I read the posts,so many wonderful advice,I'm so grateful.however,I haven't respond one by one yet because of work lately.
Yes,I've been trying to be more active and lately solved some work related matters as well.
But right now,as I'm about to get some rest,suddenly memories play in my mind,and I realize that I miss him.it just creeps in my thoughts.
So,to avoid behaving stupid and texting/calling him,which is a big no no in this phase..here I am. Instead of texting him, I post here,expressing my feelings that I miss him.I really do.I remember he always wanted me to refer him as my husband,jokingly in a sweet way.Ah,how I miss those days..those moments were the sweetest.
Trying to be strong here & will post again tomorrow.
Hugs from Kristal the Aries girl.

Honestly I do miss him so much,especially at night when I'm alone in my room. I post here instead of texting him,just to get these feelings out of my system.
I want to cry now.I wish he's feeling the same.

@Piranhaparadise -- Thanks for your PM & posts..thanks for your kindness..I am studying your advice and learning..I really want to be strong again, get over this matter and discover myself again. I was so lost in emotions and the thought of not having him anymore is just plain scary and painful.You are right, there is no guarantee that he will be back. All I can do, is move on with my life.

scorsagianX-- Let's learn together and I wish you strength facing your problem with your Cancer man as well. It's been tough and difficult but everyday, I try my best to not think about the pain & sadness.

Maddy -- Thank you for your kindness as well. I understand you want me to be tough and strong. I believe I can get there, and this is a process I have to go through. I believe that everything happens for a reason. Perhaps the incident,fight and arguments with Mr.Cancer also happened for a reason. To teach me how to be more mature and in control of my emotions. It hurts like hell, but I am trying to find valuable lessons behind this painful lesson. Yes, I will post and express the pain I feel..because I am not contacting him at all. The last time I send him a text was on April 6, 2011 (Wednesday). So, today it's been total 3 days of no contact, no text from him. Wish me strength.

PurrHiss -- Thanks for posting here and checking in on me 🙂 I really appreciate that

Noosie -- your posts are very good, and I read them all.I understand you have been in a similar situation as well. Please wish me the luck and strength to be able to be strong again. I just don't understand..I am physically good looking..it's what guys want right? I am in good shape also..trim & slim..then why..why ohh why..Mr.Cancer is also not taking consideration of these qualities? (Sorry I don't mean to be vain here..just wondering) It seems he is looking for inner beauty..I will post more about this "inner beauty" later on..I remember some things he told me that could perhaps refer to these facts.

Maybe I need to work on my character as well, and my confidence. I'm jealous in a territorial way..because I am Aries with Leo Moon. I can't bare loss and separation because I love to be in a "unit". My parents separated when I was in junior high. I had a hard time dealing with that. I always view us as a "unit" which is unbreakable..but then it happened. I guess that's the root to my fear of separation.

Pixie Dust -- Thank you for your wonderful post and advice for me. I will incorporate that in my life step by step..My biggest wish is to have Mr.Cancer come back to me again..but if...if we're not meant to be..then I ask heaven to send me someone better and more handsome than him..someone who can make me forget all this pain and hurt and be happy again.

I am doing some work lately and I am going to do more job hunting as well to earn extra cash, to pay for my dance classes. What I enjoy doing now is going dance practice, meeting friends for coffee or dinner and reading a good self help book also Law of Attraction book. Sometimes when I am alone..before sleep..thoughts about Mr.Cancer would accidentally creep in my mind..memories of him holding me tight, stroking my hair until I fall asleep..and I will cry. Ohh I miss him so much.

I ALMOST MOVED TO THIS CITY--LAST CONVERSATION BEFORE THE ARGUMENT (March 2011)

While I am calming myself down..I remember the last conversation I had with Mr.Cancer before the argument that lead to the break.
In Feb 2011, I get a job offer near Mr.Cancer's city. His city is 1 hour driving from mine. But everyday he works in my city, so he commutes 2 hours daily. My city is a bigger city than his.

I got a job offer in his city and I am telling him that I might take that job offer and look for an apartment in his city, since apartment prices in his city are cheaper than in mine.

Here's the conversation between me and him that left me upset that day..it was on March 25, 2011

ME : Hon I'm thinking about the job offer in your city, I plan to look for an apartment in your city and take the job

HIM: That's great Kristal

ME : But, I don't know anyone in your city..just you..

HIM: And during working hours I work..sometimes until late night, so I can't company you

ME : Can I ask your mom to stay with me for awhile in my apartment, to company me..so I don't feel alone and scared?

HIM: Kristal please don't be demanding..

ME : (feeling upset inside) But she can..right? So if you can't company me during work hours..then your mom can..

HIM: Kristal please don't be demanding..

ME : After working hours, can you come to my apartment and company me?

HIM: Yes that's possible

ME : This is a big move for me, you seem not happy that I plan to move to your city to be closer to you and also your mom! (*angry*)

HIM: Kristal let's talk about this when we meet,we can discuss it calmly..sorry I am not really focused now because I am doing my work..I'm sorry okay..

I wish I didn't explode in anger on March 27, 2011..then he wouldn't ask for a break..and none of this would happen. Perhaps now we're together in some lovely dining place talking about my plans moving to his city..and celebrating my Birthday together..I miss him so much 😢

I realize I had anger build up from March 25, and the days when he was occupied with his work because of tax season coming up.

REGRETS..

I just realize when he says "Kristal please don't be demanding" is because his mom has to take care of his disabled dad. I think I was being selfish at that moment but still he was nice to me.... 😢 When I type this post..I just realize it..Sorry..but my Aries personality sometimes is too self involved and inconsiderate and I realize it later...

IF I HAVE A WISH..

If I meet a Genie today and can ask for a wish..I wish I can have Mr.Cancer back in my life again..like the movie "Click"..
I will ask that Mr.Cancer return again in my life..and things are normal again, like they were before.
My days will be filled by his caring, sweet texts and messages. Sometimes when I chat with him on IM I forget time and forget myself..LOL..

I wish..I really wish..that my phone will beep and I see a text or a call from him..a simple text "Kristal..where are you?" is enough..more than enough to brighten up my whole day..my whole week and whole month!
I would do anything to have him back again with me..I really miss him..all this silence and no contact..it's hurting me so much.. 😭 😢(

I really..really want him back in my life..I want to talk again to him daily..want to get his messages, his texts..his phone calls..
To anyone who are still together with your Cancer boyfriend/partner..please cherish him dearly and avoid the mistakes I did... 😢

I really wish I can turn back time..I hope there is a Genie hearing my wish right now.. I really hope..

Today is the day we supposed to have dinner celebrating my birthday.. 😢
😭 but because I was having an argument with him, behaving unstable and causing him to freak out asking for a break.
I really wish we can have dinner again, be close again, spend time again..I do miss him so much, God!!!
I realize that I love him. It just cuts my heart like a knife 😢

Hi everyone, I just wake up & check the forum from my phone.I read some interesting posts & insights.thanks to the kind caring people that send me wonderful PMs.I really appreciate it.Today I have some work to do and will be quite busy later in the day but perhaps will post here if I miss mr.Cancer.I need to get all this hurt & pain out of my system. I'm getting more skinny now as I'm grieving and lack appetite. Pls wish me the best. Hugs from Kristal.

I just had something to eat & checked my sms messages and found out that my huge fight with mr.Cancer was on March 27,but he still send me caring sms until March 31. Then he dissapeared giving work excuse in remote area. Then on April 5, he send me sms again. Now I follow the Cancer Forum advice not to send sms to him. It's been 5 days no news from him at all. Any ideas/suggestions when he will contact me again? What do you think about the pattern I described ?

Wineaux -- is this correct not to contact him at all? He doesn't think that I am moving on and abandon him? Will it not cause misunderstanding?? When everything was good between me and him,he sometimes get upset if there is no news from me..no sms..he gets angry..he wants me to sms him all the time because it means I care.
If I maintain NC (No contact),will it hurt him? Will he get misperception/misunderstanding? I'm wondering about this..help me please wineaux..i am so confused. Hugs, Kristal

UPDATE ON ME..

Just returned from work and now I am going to check messages from friends and read some posts on the forum. I am still with my situation and Mr.Cancer but I also need to be happy.

Reason-- we all make choices in life, my choice was to be with him. I don't see myself as a martyr..yes I am hurt, but it's because I speak my mind and we had an argument and he can't bare me speaking my mind so he asked for a break...and ended up hurting me. I never make decisions with intention to become hurt, but sometimes it happens. And we can't deny it. Perhaps maybe..if I manage to stay guarded 100% I can prevent myself getting hurt but then I also didn't let my heart go free. There's always two sides to everything.

Thanks for your post and encouragement 🙂

I'm still trying to forget him and move on. I see him OL right now on IM..so tempting to say Hi to him..but I didn't do it.

Kristal - I've just skimmed through all your posts. Please ignore the people who are being snarky or mean. You don't need to read those things right now, not in your state. You can hide them for the time being if you like, if you don't know how PM me and I will help you. You can unhide them later if you want.

All - Come on now guys. We all know that topics are helpful not just to the OP, but to all who read it. I almost didn't even post here, but through skimming alone I've learned quite a few things whether by an example or advice given it doesn't matter. That's the point of these boards. I agree.... if this topic is of particular irritation to you, just ignore. I think the flagging of topics is best left for when it turns vicious and goes on the attack of someone who is not in the best mental state. We're all adults and many have been here a LONG time. Let's not be those people ok?

Kristal - I am going to pour myself a big glass of wine and then go back to page 1 and actually read every word. I'll post when I am done. Until then, keep doing what you are doing and DO NOT CONTACT HIM.

Oh sweet girl. Here's the deal, this has nothing to do with this guy being a Cancer. This has to do with men and women, plain and simple. I recently got burned, burned real good, and it all started similarly.

Here's my first piece of homework for you. Go buy the book, "Why Men Love Bitches". It's actually not what you think by the title. I'm not saying it is the Bible for dating, I'd say it's too extreme, but if you can fall somewhere between what you are doing now and what it instructs you'll be golden.

Here's my second piece of homework for you. You need to stop putting your value on the way you look. You mentioned quite a few times how you keep your body in shape and then something about getting dressed in outfits to remind yourself what a catch you are. These are defintely important aspects in sexual attraction, but that's about it. You need to work on your emotional well being and character.

My last piece of homework requires some reflection. I want you to think back to all the things he said to you and the way it made you feel. Then I need you to be truly honest. Were those things being said honestly and with enough background information about you to be grounded in anything other than freedom of speech? You're not even sure if the guy runs his own facebook, but your asking for his mother to help you acclimate to a new city?

Here's a fact - Women fall for what they hear. Wisdom in not doing so comes with time. You have to think about what you are hearing and process it before deeming it to be truth. Is it an appropriate time to be sharing all this emotion when you haven't shared the friendship, the "getting to know you" time?

If you ask my opinion this relationship was over almost the moment it started. You gave him your everything, your all. You allowed him to have your full attention. Translation - I may have met you five minutes ago, but you are now the single most important thing in my life. That is not flattering, that's needy and desperate and no one wants that.

When you allowed him to challenge you for not being responsive in the time period he deemed appropriate you only reinstilled that you were not nearly as important as him and his needs. Unfortuantely, this kind of mistake so early on is completely unfixable. You may get him back, but you'll never regain your power. AS far as he and you are concerned he is more important than you.

When you took it a step further and chased him, smothered him, threatened him, emotionally blackmailed him, you took a dismal situation and further exacerbated it. This guy is toast. This relationship is over. Even if I could tell you all the exact steps steps to take to make it out of the maze with the cheese, it's already poisioned.

Here's what you need to do. Follow my homework. Focus on you. Get you straight in your head. Get you in a healthy place where you don't lap up everything a guy says to you like a hungry stray cat. You'll start to hear those smooth talking types from the beginning and recognize someone who's not out and about dating for the right reasons. What are his motivations? Who knows, sometimes it's power, sometimes it's boredom, sometimes it's his own insecurities and co-dependancy. Here's what none of that is.... your problem, nor should it ever be. And taking it on doesn't make you a saint, it makes you weak.

You will never be truly happy until you are happy with you. If you were willing to give everything you got to a guy in 7 weeks, which is only a mere 49 days in the grand scheme of things, you ain't happy.

Now, I think I've said some things clearly on a level on which you needed to hear them. It's up to you what you do. Do you rationalize this away and tell me about love at first sight and destiny or do you look around and accept that you are not the exception. "The Notebook" doesn't happen in real life and if it does you better believe it doesn't happen to broken people with co-dependacy issues.

That hurt you are feeling, that's not even about him. If you go back and read it's about the way he made YOU feel. How his texts made you feel loved, appreciated, lifted you up in the day. That clearly says that without that you don't feel it yourself. Instead, without his direct contact making you feel good you put your worth in your appearance and the way men on the street react back to you. It's the "if that guy checks me out and is intersted or gives me a positive up and down it means I am an attractive female, and that means I am desirable

That is not what should have you determining and deciding your self worth. That is a sickness that far too many women suffer. It's the same sickness that allows us to look at ex's of our current boyfriends and think that because we are hotter we are obviously more important to him. Not true. (Alas, I stray).

I see so muc of myself in you. I am struggling with similar issues. Please listen. Put this guy behind you. The pain you feel has relatively little to do with the actual person he is, but more how he made you feel about yourself. You cannot give someone that power. You will still need to experience this pain though so you learn to put yourself first.

Oh, and this is a deeply personal issue for me so I will say very little, but suicide is never the answer. Threatening suicide is never ok. It is emotional blackmail. Don't know the term? Look it up. It will get you NOWHERE fast and even if it does it has been clearly shown the results won't last. If you are truly suicidal seek help immediately. You are someone's daughter, someone's best friend, someone who no doubt has had influential impacts on several lives. These are not things to be taken lighty or thrown away without thought beyond today.

Hugs and kisses sweet girl. It will be ok.

GemsRaGal..thank you for the advice..I saved it on my notepad and read it often to keep me strong. Big hugs to you.
everyone..thank you for sharing your insights and thoughts on this thread.
I've spend so much time crying and hurting and decided to stand up again and pick up the pieces,move on with my life.

UPDATE ON ME--CHAT WITH HIM ALL DAY ON APRIL 22

My friend Nina also has a Cancer boyfriend and when I told her about my situation, she told me that she encountered exactly the same problem and it took her 10 months..to finally reunite and reconcile again with her Cancer man! Her story gave me hope, because she had the same problem and her boyfriend was angry with her didn't communicate for 10 months, and Nina even traveled abroad moved on with her life..spent 4 months overseas and enjoyed a lot of change..when he suddenly appear again.

Nina told me, Cancer men..even when they are angry..they still test you, hoping that you remember them. She advised me to send a casual message on IM to Mr.Cancer occasionally..just a simple "Have a nice day" is good.
So I tried it, and he immediately replied!!

We had a long chat all day on April 22, while I was having a long hard day at work and was commuting long hours in traffic. Mr.Cancer kept me company.
We didn't talk about us. We talked about my work, his work. He's excited to hear about my new job and my daily schedule. He also asked about my hurting arm. He heard that I fell on the parking lot (because slippery floor--I was sober LOL) and hurt my arm. My arm is already fine when we chat and he said "I'm sorry about your arm" Aaaaaaaaw that was sweet.

At the end of our long chat, I said that I am happy. He said that he also feel happy chatting with me.
It was a gift from God. It happened on the most hectic, hard, tiring day..but I don't feel tired at all. I feel so blessed. Perhaps there is still hope for me & Mr.Cancer.

UPDATE LAST CONTACT--UPDATE ON ME

My last contact with him was on May 2, 2011. He told me that he apologize for not being able to communicate for the time being because of heavy work duties.

However, this whole incident..this whole situation about us..taught me a lot about life. Here's what I learned in this 1 month :
- how to manage my emotion
- not every man can accept an emotional woman
- how to manage my anger
- keep things light and fun always
- don't be too intense

I also learned to take better care of myself, manage my life. I have nutritious meals, exercised, sleep on time, meet friends and have fun as well. Basically, I moved on.

I am dating again now. I met funny Aries guys that are upbeat, outgoing and they keep me entertained. LOL. I keep things light and fun with them too. No expectations. I really want to be a better person, I really want to improve.

Had this situation not happen, I would still be intoxicated in love with Mr.Cancer..devoting my daily time and focus on him..(not on me)..no care about self improvement, not care about my own life management. Life would be about him and our love LOL yes I was that obsessed.

But it did happened. And I am in contact again with my friend Nina, also I went to this forum, I read a lot and learned so much. Basically..what I mean is..that there is light after the storm. There is something I can learn from this situation.

I don't know if Mr.Cancer will return to me again or not, only time will tell. I have a strong gut feeling that he will, someday. I am now focusing on myself, on my life and on my improvement. I wish everyone the best of luck and thank you for the wonderful advice you gave to me. It really helped me pick up the pieces and work on improving myself.

Glad to see everything working well for you 🙂 Just remember to keep doing you, keep re-affirming what works and keeps you positive and recognize what holds you back and makes you negative and things will keep looking up for you. It's great that you have a better self-awareness of yourself so that you can make sure you don't fall into the same pitstops you did before if you come across a similar situation in the future.

Good luck!

UPDATE ON ME +MR.CANCER
Last communication by IM is on May 7, 2011. Mr Cancer told me that he never forget about me and about us. He said that he is caught in work so hectic and has many problems on his mind, he's asking for time to be alone and think.
I said "fine". That's the last communication with him. I don't know what to say. That's just it. He might be back, he might not..but I am moving on 🙂

I'm currently dating a fun, upbeat, outgoing Aries guy and also...recently on work event met a charming Pisces guy.
Mr.Pisces is really charming, he's so eager chasing me.. and I am infatuated now LOL 🙂 Im excited but I want to keep it light and fun. I learned a lot from Mr.Cancer experience so have to keep it light, fun and not emotional.
Mr.Pisces is financially more stable than Mr.Cancer and he is good looking, charming, interesting LOL.
I guess I'll be over at the Pisces board lol to discuss more about this intriguing gentleman 😄

im a cancer guy...but i have to say...forget that crab..thats all horsesh*t right there...hate those type of games...decides to not talk to you out of nowhere..very shady...happy for you though!

I read your post.. interesting but as a cancer girl I will recommend you to forget about him.. once i ask a guy to give me time.. thats all!! It just means he lost interest ... and based on my experience dating cancer boys as well... he will chase you until he realizes he has finally lost you...
laos, if I was you.. i will also forget the pisces guy.... those boys are so attractive... but believe they will break your heart faster than what you think...dated 4 pisces and all left scars in my heart!

^^ how so? I thought cancer and pisces go well together?

krabntaurus--i am trying to forget him..but sometimes I still remember 🙂 he was a special man though and made me happy
lichii -- thanks for the advice. The Pisces man is somewhat unpredictable LOL. I will keep things light and fun to avoid any emotional damage on my side.

It's June already..I still miss him sometimes.
All my friends who saw him..said he's gorgeous. Whenever I see Justin Bieber I always remember Mr.Cancer..they're both Cancers and look similar 😢

One thing that makes me realize is that...
The sex with Mr.Cancer was PARADISE/amazing! He can put me in waves of ecstasy over and over again...
It's the BEST experience, the BEST moments of my life. It was amazing. I wish I can have those moments forever.He's the best lover.

UPDATE ON MR.CANCER, JUNE 9 2011

"FINALLY I GET CLOSURE (AFTER 3 MONTHS OF ALMOST NO CONTACT)"

Out of nowhere..mr.Cancer called me..and here's what he said :

"Kristal, I have been thinking about us and everything that happened and it's best that we become friends now. I deeply care about you and always care, but the situation and circumstances in my life at the moment makes it difficult for us to remain lovers. My job is taking most of my time, and I know you're not happy with that. I care about you and I am here for you as a friend."

"I hope that we fall in love again in the future and if that happens, I will gladly follow that destiny. For the time being I hope you can understand me and my decision"

MY REACTION
Well friends..I wanted to explode and get angry and curse him and yell LOL. But.........I realize if I get emo it means that I let my ego/emo do the talking...so I stayed silent, arranged my breath and composure and decide to let my heart do the talking..here's what I said :

"Mr.Cancer, it's hard for me to accept your decision, but I respect your decision. I respect your wish. Thank you for being a wonderful boyfriend to me, thank you for motivating me and helping me improve in my life, caring for me and giving me happiness when we're together. I wish you the best with your work and your life. You take care"

HIS REACTION
There was a pause. He seemed startled. He didn't expect that I will give that reaction. I know, he was expecting me to cry and create drama and go emo again but I was letting my heart do the talking and I was calm.
He keep apologizing...

"I'm so sorry Kristal, I am really sorry..so sorry"

He keep repeating "sorry" over and over like a broken record and I ended the phone convo. I notice his voice was shakey when he said sorry. Maybe he was getting emotional.

I don't know whether he'll be back or not..honestly..I don't expect anything from him anymore. I guess I have moved on, or maybe wise up.
All this time I thought he was a coward and avoided communication but I am glad that I got my closure today. I respected him for being brave enough to initiate the talk and decide to handle it calmly and let my heart do the talking. I was just being honest and sincere.