Krobe and any others who can help

I've been dating this cancer guy off & on (u know the drill lol) for almost 6 months now. Every time *I* have been the one to end it. We never were in a committed relationship, though that is what I grew to want, so I told him I couldn't do it anymore. Since that time, about 2 months ago, he has called me off and on and he's come over to "talk." Well, he would tell me how he is "guarded" and doesn't share his feelings well each time we got together. I couldn't help but kiss him, but did cut off everything else since 2 months ago.

Well, for the past month we didn't talk at all. Then one drunk night I texted him to talk & instead of texting he called incessantly- for some reason, I didn't pick up - I think I may be as bad as Cancer (I'm a sag)LOL Anyway, the next night he called again & came over to "talk" & once again he said how he was guarded, etc etc & I didn't sleep with him. Then last night he calls me just as I'm getting into bed & wants to come over. I tell him no (he'd been drinking) that if he wanted to talk to me, we could do it at a reasonable hour and when he's sober. I said I felt he didn't just want to talk or we could do that over the phone. He said he obviously wasn't looking for sex since I hadn't given it to him in months (true), but that he wanted to talk about "us." He said he felt I didn't understand him & that was part of the problem - well DUH! How can you understand someone who won't share with you?!

Anyway, after talking to him for awhile & him asking repeatedly to come over & me saying another time would be better, I told him goodbye & went to sleep. The next morning I had a voice mail saying we shouldn't talk anymore - this is the first time HE has been the one to say it. So I guess since I couldn't talk at the EXACT moment he wanted he doesn't want to talk at all now? WTF? How should I proceed? I think I'm just gonna do nothing - I know he was drunk and probably doesn't even remember saying that to me. Should I respond in any way?

Do you think this guy really cares? I've never chased him & always left the calling/texting up to him. Then after many months I admitted I had feelings for him but he STILL says stuff when he's drinking (like last night) about how I don't really like him & do I like his friend or Joe Blow or whoever instead. He goes from seeming very confident to VERY insecure. What's the deal here?

Please advise. I really need to get this one out of my head and move on, but it's so hard.

why is it important that he opens up? I mean, can't you be with him the way he is? Sounds like a good guy but you lack patience and he's not ready to reveal himself, it takes time and a lot of it. Well it seems your playing games not that its a bad thing but when games are being played then anything can happen with that, not sure why your suprised he said that he didn't want to talk anymore, he felt you put him off once again.

I'm beginning to feel my harsh ego rearing its head, sorry if I sound harsh in any way.

Actually, the opening up isn't that important to me - at this stage anyway - I know that will come with time. He just mentioned that I don't undertand him, so that's why I said how can I when he hasn't opened up yet (didn't say that to HIM though). What I want is a committed relationship if we are going to sleep together. I have too many feelings for him to leave it open. I actually don't normally play any games - I don't know why I didn't answer the phone that night - I guess I came to my senses?? The next night though he called wanting to come over and talk - so maybe not answering works? LOL

Last night was actually the first time I said he couldn't come over when he wanted to talk. Any other time I legitimately had plans and explained that to him (didn't happen very often) OR I saw him. Last night I was just too tired to deal with it.

That's okay - you didn't sound harsh - I'm a tough girl, I can take it 😉 Just HELP ME! LOL

Oh and by the way, *I* have been the one to say I wanted something with him - so I felt HE was always putting ME off - so yeah, because of that, I backed off and completely disappeared until this weekend. MY ego can only be bruised so much lol

Should I contact him—

"I really need to get this one out of my head and move on, but it's so hard."

what is ur reason for wanting to move on from him exactly? is it because u don't have the patience for him to open up? i'm sure he's a good guy and that is why u say its so hard.

don't contact him. if he knows that you want to be in relationship in order to have sex, then when he is ready to do that, he will tell u. he's scared right now and he told u that, and there's nothing u can do until he's ready except take care of yourself.

Mama Krobe, this one needs ur help! Seems like she had herself together and he's trying to suck her back into that cycle.

lady scorp i right by not contacting him. we cancers want things when we want them and if we don't get it we will sometimes go off and pout. plus i think if you contact him that just reassures his bevahior in that everytime you don't do what he wants he is going to keep pulling this because he knows you will cave in. give him some time and unless he is really upset or hurt he will be back. since he didn't get what he wanted, right now he is playing the screw you game..he will come back to his senses..eventually..lol..

I don't really WANT to move on, I just know I HAVE to because it is so hard being around someone you want, but can't completely have. I did it for 5 months and the last month has actually been a little easier not being around him - though I still miss him and think of him daily. I sort of felt I HAD to cut and run - the "he's just not that into you" thing - but then I read here and he sounds JUST LIKE the other cancers and I wonder what if. What if I had more patience...I just wish I knew if it were the fact he is guarded, or if he just really doesn't want to be with ME. But then he was contacting me every weekend to see me before...but that could just be his loneliness. I don't know. I wish I did.

Thanks lady scorp and cansir 🙂

Yeah, he was definitely pouting. Oh, and I can't remember what I said to him just before we said goodbye, but I was joking around with him and laughing and he said you think you are so funny and I said I KNOW I am (giggle). Then he was like well, since you think you are funny and don't want to talk to me, I'll let you go. I said are you gonna be mad at me now (I could sense his tone) just bc I am joking around with you and he said no. Then he left that voice mail. I even said he was so cute bc he was drunk talking before I joked around with him. I guess teasing made him mad.

of course he's into u. he never would have told u how guarded he is if he wasnt into u. hang in there, i know how it is to be all confused by their actions. just do what u were doing before and let him come around. and as long as u stand your ground on the sex and relationship thing, u will be ok.

he might have been in a serious mood (at least in his mind since he was drinking) and/or in one of our cancer moods where we are not in the mood to joke. since you were trying to lighten him up by joking with him he might have taken that as you not listening or caring about his feelings. i know i have been guilty of being like that before. if he says he is guarded then i can assure you he is. we are guarded even when we think we aren't. right now time is all you have so just let things settle down and he will come out of his shell when he is ready..just don't put a time table on it..

Thanks lady scorp 🙂 I just can't help but feel if he were THAT into me, he wouldn't want to risk losing me - he would want to have a commitment with me after 6 months time - I feel that is enough time to know if you wanna make a go of something right?? Does it matter that every time he has opened up enough to tell me he has this wall that he's built and is "guarded" he has been drinking? Does it still count that he means it and is into me? What do you think? I Just really don't want to set myself up for inevitable pain if he ISNT really into me and I'm just something to bide his time until he finds someone else - ya know?

Thanks cansir! Every other time HE has been the one to contact me - but this time it was almost a month and I broke down and sent that text the other day which started the communication again. Since it was a whole month maybe I never would have heard from him - he said he deleted my number bc he thought I wanted him to go away. So what if he never contacts me this time? I guess if he doesn't, it wasn't meant to be. I just wish I knew he remembered everything from last night bc I want him to know I didn't REJECT him, I said I'd love to talk another time - not sure what he remembers and that sucks bc once again, he will probably assume the worst and figure I didn't want to see/talk to him - since that's what he kept saying. I kept saying that wasn't it, it was the timing, but not sure he remembers all that ya know?

took my guy 6 months to do the relationship thing. he used to open up a lot after a few drinks. i can always tell when someone is sincere in what they say. thats why i stuck in there and was patient and gave him a lot of space because i could tell. go with ur gut.

what's ur sign?

uh oh...KROBE doesn't like to hear all that insecurity so be ready for her. i'll let her take care of u.

she's all yours KROBE......i'm going to sit back and let her do her work

I'm a sag. Yeah, I FEEL he likes me more than he lets on for some reason, though not sure how correct I am about that.

LOL I really don't feel that I am insecure at all. I am happy on my own and haven't dated anyone I wanted a serious relationship with in YEARS - this one just got under my skin somehow, though I don't let him SEE that. lol He is the one who often shows insecurity, jealousy, etc.

I just kind of feel like he should shit or get off the pot LOL It would be one thing if I KNEW there was a chance, I could give it more time, but I just don't ever wanna be played and I'd rather cut and run than hang in there if he's just trying to use me or is just keeping me around for when he's bored.

All my friends say I'm always TOO aloof with guys - so not sure if that's it. I do know he says I push/pull him and he can't figure ME out - funny bc I feel that he is describing HIMSELF when he says that! LOL

if you are concerned about what he might remember then you might want to give him a quick call or send him a text. maybe say that he sounded really drunk and you just wanted to see if he was okay. only call once or send one text because we hate being bothered. if he doesn't respond or pick up then he probably remembers what was said so then give him his time..depending on how drunk he was i can tell you we cancers have some of the sharpest memories. we can and will bring stuff up that happened many years back..lol...

i hear ya girl! btw, welcome to the sisterhood

Thanks Cansir! Yeah, I NEVER contact him again if he doesn't respond. He almost always does though - don't have that problem much. Probably because I rarely contact him to begin with.

Thanks Lady Scorp! 🙂 I've been reading y'all forever, so I feel like I know ya. I can relate so much to what you've all been through. That's what makes me not wanna cut and run as I normally would if a guy "played" me like this. lol

only u know whether u want to put ur heart on the line or run and be done with him forever. something is obviously making u hesitant. you are the only one who can figure out what that "something" is and once u do, make your decision then.

Thanks Krobe :-) All I ever said was that I was starting to have feelings for him - is that too much after 4 months time? I just said I couldn't do the casual sex thing anymore. Trust me, I do NOT go on and on about my feelings - since he said he didn't want anything serious "right now," I took that as rejection and have been really withdrawing ever since - to the point I didn't even talk to him for a month. He acts like he's insecure about the way *I* feel about him, that's the part I don't get bc I told him. Not gonna go over it again and again LOL

P.S. I have a cappy venus so sort of aloof with guys by nature lol

Ladyscorp - The only thing making me hesitant is the fact that I don't wanna be "played." I have always felt if a guy REALLY likes you, he won't let ya get away - so have reservations with him I guess bc he isn't chasing me lol BUt then I read it may be typical "cancer" behavior and that's making me wonder if I should just hang in there a bit longer. Though now I guess it doesn't matter since HE has now said he doens't want to talk anymore - that's usually ME. lol

yeah I was listening to this very spiritual guy, he talks about how to let go, he talks about relationship and life, and one of the excerpts he touched on was the games people play in relationships, he basically said that part of the game is boredom, people tend to seek out more partners because basically the guy or girl has conquered the object of affection, when women eventually reveal their feelings the cycle begins of the other letting go, women have a fantasy of what it will be like once she reveals her emotions and most times the men start ignoring and doing the exact opposite, he of course wasn't just basing this on men, he talked about women and men, the games that are played. He said that once a woman has been physically and mentally dominated, she becomes a bore, she's not a challenge anymore and the man seeks out a woman that is going to give him a challenge.

Sag. and a Cancer. MMMMmmmm. Fire and Water. MMMmmmm.
I recently dated a Libra that laid it on thick and was up my butt right from the get go. I told him repeatedly that I needed space, single full time working mom and part time student. he didnt get it repeatedly didnt get it. there were other things too, but... he never learned to back off and let me tell him things on my own time when I felt secure about telling him. Which after 3+ years I never felt secure. Never. I would and then his actions would put me right back into "nope". I got burnt so many times divulging info. and then having it backfire during an argument or something. Felt stupid divulging things that were no one's biz anyway. Stupid. But ya, dont mess with a Cancers emotions or come on too strong- sure fire death with us. I'm a chick, but dznt matter really in the big picture of Cancers.