Moloko Im taking your advice...

"....if you can, ease back from him a little, not in a ignoring type of way, maybe retreat a little and see what happens, but if he contacts you be your usual nice self and everything."

I've decided to take your advice...
I've been keeping low... i'm nice but not TOO nice like i usually would, I'm sort of acting like "we're good friends but that's all" to see how he will react... so far i think he's a little confused... he aske me if everything was ok? if I was in a good or bad mood... he keeps coming around to chitchat and show me pictures of his dogs... and well... I haven't sent one email since before xmas... and we'll see if he wakes up or something?!

I think your doing the best thing Cafrella, im proud of you, i really do hope the best for you, its going to be fabulous if it all turns out nice, sometimes a little away time can work a treat.

Please keep us informed of any change. Fingers crossed.

Thank you for you support!
I will keep you informed and yes fingers crossed!

Oh God...
This is going to take forever...
It's not going anywhere anymore, and i feel so anxious fot things to move forward...

He's been a little confused by my pulling back, i can tell. But now it's NOT doing much either... you'd think he'd ask me what's wrong, what's going on...
Mind you he did say -just out of nowhere - "what's happening Sunshine!?" but what's he truly looking for me to say?! it's very ambiguously said... I HATE when people play little games like that... that's not being very honest

anyhow... how long is this going to last now!!!

I almost feel like getting upset and just ignoring him for a few days or a week or something... just to see what he'll do...

That's not a good idea is it?

I really dont know cafrella, it could back fire or it could go in your favour, i know cancers dont like letting go of things too easily.
I understand your annoyance at the situation.

What do you mean "Cancers dont like letting go of things too easily"?

We have a tendancy to try to hold onto things a little to hard at times, be those memories, relationships, whatever.

I had to go looking in the warehouse for something with him and it was so scary...
I don't know if this is a cancer thing or not but when he comes to talk to me he always comes and stands very very close to me... to the point where we're touching and I will sometimes take a step back...
Anyhow we walked back there together and he was talking to me and all i kept looking at was his lips, his eyes, then his lips again and he too was looking at my lips...i was trying not to look there... but it was hard and i started to get nervous... anyhow...we started walking again and came back to the front in the office... the attraction is there... I don't know what's holding me back i swear! I could just kiss him!

Anyhow he thinks i'm "in a bad mood" theses days but he doesn't seem to know why...

Moloko...
You ever do that, kill them with kindness?
That's what he's doing to me now I believe... I've been a little mean but he just keeps getting nicer... I know that's what he's doing and it's making me angry...

What should I do?!

dear cafrella,

i think ur a leo girl ? arent u?

im also a fire sign in love with a cancer man..... n i have been readin ur posts and ur cancer man sounds like mine.........

we fire signs are very direct in everything including our love lives.... no game playing, no coyness......... well cancers are just the OPPOSITE....

he is the most complex being i know.... so much game playing, saying yes when he means no and vice versa..... evading topics he doesnt like with great finnesse!!

i had also gone mad trying to decipher what his actions and words meant... and beleive me i just went mad trying to get him...... he knew exactly how i felt for him and while i wasnt too sure of his.... n i think he enjoyed that thouroughly...

neways the point is that i had felt really bad about what was happening with... i who am a very sunny cheerful self confident girl had started behaving like a dependent doormat.... always sooooooooooo scared that i might do something wrong n lose him...

well, all my efforts went in vain..... he semmed not to care enuff for me, he only seemed interested in his silly jokes and playing around with my feelings......

so then one fine day I LEFT HIM.... politely, with no fuss, ni fights.... just like that.... i didnt return his 3 calls........ then for 3 months there was no contact from either of us.. then he mailed some fwds....(note the indirect approach) he didnt mail me a personal email, but silly invitations like 'come fill my bday book' such stuff..............

still i did not bother to reply, then now after 9 mths he again sends me a fwd , i accept, so then (afetr a gap of 20 days ..... btw he never replied to my calls or mails immediatly ever, it was always after a gap) he sends me a mail ... which is just some silly question, not even a mail askin me how i am....

u see the pattern, they r like this jokes to cover up not show anyone how they feel.... they move real cautiously...

what say CANCERIANS.. agree with me?

Leave us crabs alone or il nip your toe with my claw 😉

Hi jabbarsher

"he knew exactly how i felt for him and while i wasnt too sure of his.... n i think he enjoyed that thouroughly..."

Game playing... drives me crazy... right now I am so upset I'm going to explode!
Today, right now, I AM SO PISSED... there's smoke coming out of my ears and he SAW it... so now Mister is all nice nice and running around me panicking but did he ask waht's wrong? nop! he knows, or he has an idea what's wrong
ANYHOW... and Moloko I'm not attacking you or anything!
BUT I AM JUST SO PISSED...
I'm not going to say much more for now... we'll see tomorrow

Let's just say... if it GAMES he's playing... toying with my feelings... he's DEAD, he WILL regtet ever meeting me, knowing me I swear...

Cafrella darlin, if i was you i wouldn't go losing it with him, it will back fire on you believe me, its pissing you off because your feeling strongly for him, dont blow it all now, i know you Leos like to think your tough, but you get insecurities too, its taking it out of you, i can tell, please take a few deep breaths, us cancers like to think were toughies too when really were collapsing inside.
He's knows exactly whats bothering you, he has ultra sharp senses, stong intuition, he knows whats going on just from walking into a room, believe me, yeah us cancers can act strange at times, believe me he cares for you.

oh he knooooowsss how upset i am, i'm not even looking him in the eye I can't!
and it's making him very nervous, he keeps on coming to see me for all kinds of unimportant, insignificant work related things... and i know it's just to see, to test... he's worried THAT i can see it... he's not sure what to say but it's making him nervous i can tell.

I guess you're a little right, yes i feel STRONGLY for him that's why i'm so PISSED if i didn't i wouldn't bother.
As for ultra sharp senses, stong intuition I sure hope he'll put them to good use and get with the program damn it.

and he cares for me?!!!! Yeah you truly feel that? How can YOU be so sure of that?!

Hi Moloko,

Last Friday I never came in to work i was too pissed off and didn't have that much work to do so I thought i'd call in sick and take day off and hopefully give HIM a message on how pissed off i was....

So this morning i came in to work regular time and he usualy comes in for 9:30 but 10am came and no sign of him!? Then around 10:25 he calls me... "Sunshine! I'm on my way, i'll be there soon" ok i answered and he said "ok bye" THAT was to test me, to see what he should expect when he'd get here... but when he did get here, i took off to the kitchen so i wasn't at my desk when he walked in... around 11:20 i brought him some mail so he turns nervously..."hey sunshine" and i gave him the mail and walked away.... that was it. He stays quietly in his little office... he came earlier to fax something (fax machine is right behind me) and i was facing computer and never looked at him, not a word was said...
He is wearing the clothes i like best on him...all in black too!

So what do you think he's feeling or thinking now? !

Sorry for himself.

Hmmmm.......
and how is that supposed to make me feel?! like i'm too hard on him or something?

I'm a little fed up and I'm not sure what I'll do...

I dunno cafrella, im involved with a Leo myself at the moment, and shes got the most casual and dont give a damn attitude to things regarding relationships, she come on very strong at first, and i think that she believes thats all it took and that now she can sit back and relax and il wait for her, shes busy with all sorts at the moment and appears to believe that il just sit in the sidelines waiting for her, when shes got time to accomodate me, shes bloody cheeky to be honest and dont half love herself, i know your a Leo but sometimes leos gotta stop loving themselves just for a second or two, to see whats actually going on around them, this is no connection to your problem but just thought id let you know whats going on in my life, in fact im about 5mins away from explaining to her what im about to do.

Ohhh! I had no idea you were involved with a Leo woman!
Well, no i do give a damn about things regarding relationships, it's hard work and but it has to come from both partners or else it's not fair...anyhow
So what will YOU be doing?! What did you tell her? I'm curious! Maybe i can learn a thing or two from you - i have already!

Well i just told her that i wont just sit waiting till things suit her, its like when she's had lots to take care of you dont get a look in.
I asked her if we can return to being just friends and she said thats fine with her, but she asked if when she has her problems sorted if we can basically start again.

Im thinking to myself, oh dont mind me, il just sit on the wall waiting till your ready, i mean when somebody comes into your life you can either find time for them or you cant, but dont expect that person to be waiting for you when ever your ready.
Its things like this that totally leave me gob smacked, im like is she for real.
Shes too full of herself, she says i know you love me and i love you too.
I agreed to us leaving it and then when ever shes ready... but now i thinking to myself, why i havnt finished the job properly have i? ive let her stall me yet again, shes still got me on the sidelines, almost like a reserve, i gotta sort this today, once and for all

I mean if a good thing enters your life, you gotta grab it right, she basically wants something, but when it suits her, opportunities dont wait for you, they move onto someone more deserving.

YES definitely i agree 100% .
I am NOT like that, maybe i can be full of myself sometimes (i don't always notice) but that's something I'd NEVER do. No matter what the problem is, my partner has ALWAYS priority no matter what and i expect to be treated the same way too.
Oh Moloko, that's right you have to put her in her place and fast.... that's not fair to you at all, how could she do such thing...
I back you up all the way, talk to her and tell her you won't put up with that.

Ive already spoken to her, ive done it, it wasn,t sinking in with her at first, i had attempted it a few times over the last few weeks, and i kept on letting myself get talked round every time, i know we all lead busy lives these days but i know when it comes to people you can either find time for them or you cant, im not knocking Leos as every person is different, but some typical Leo ways were coming from her, and i was, to be totally honest utterly amazed at what she thought was acceptable.

You know... Unless she's got someone else in mind?! I don't understand why someone would do something like that. She loves you or she doesn't. She's not sure? you give her SOME time and then get with the program, she shouldn't just keep you on the side INCASE... what is this?! really! you don't toy with someone's heart, feelings... that's not nice at all, not acceptable damn it!

she's into you or she isn't. no wishy washy stuff... you're too patient dear!

I know you're not bashing all Leos!
but i understand you completely too

Yeah, i do try and be as patient as i can with people, i give the benefit of the doubt and all that, im an all or nothing type of guy, i like to feel that im either in a relationship or not at all, but never in between.

It's funny, me too i'm very much like that I'm in or not in but nothing in between - no wishy washy stuff! *wink* (i don't have little yellow smileys that smile and wink like you do!)
and that's why this relationship ih've got with Mr Cancer here is driving me crazy. I've opened up myself totally and i just don't see him doing the same... it worries me a lot... I don't like wasting my time...
anyhow...
Let me know how things go... hope they go well...

Yeah il let you know how things go, it wont be with her now, thats done and dusted, il keep my eyes peeled for a fine lady some where.

Wow you sure know when enough is enough! it's all done & dusted?! that was fast!?
What if she calls you back?

She wont, she would never fit me into her busy schedule. 🙂

There you go, that just shows you how much she truly cares about you...
she's not worth it

you will find another fine lady in no time I'm sure!
You're a sweetie pie!

Thank you, il stay positive, optimistic and open and keep myself ready to share my time with someone appropiate.

I am so proud of you! *wink*

meanwhile... a little update on Mr Cancer overhere...

He stays away from me, he's very quiet, stays mostly in his office... it's almost as if he's not even in! Only once did he come to see me today to bring me a mail regarding the postage meter reminding us not to forget to update postage rates on January 16th... so i told him "it's already done, i did it yesterday" so he says well then i guess you'll do more with this envelope than I will! you can throw it out! and that's exactly what I did! and he left...
He's trying to be funny but I'm just not laughing at ALL...
I think he's sad... he's trying to lighten the mood with a little humor, guys do that sometimes when they don't know what to say or do...

I'm starting to feel bad, I hate this, I miss him being around me...it's killing me on the inside... of course I'm not showing this, i put on my brave, proud attitude... but it's getting to me...
Perhaps i should get off my high horse and put my pride aside?
I don't know what to do?

Obviously he knows i'm upset AT him, does he know why? i'm not sure... but we really need to talk and if he's going to tell me like he has in the past "Oh nothing's wrong, i don't know what you're talking about" then i don't want to hear it and therefore there is really NOTHING else to talk about....

What should I do?

Perhaps you're not in any shape to give ME advice, poor you... I'll leave you be, you've helped me a great deal... but today isn't YOUR day...
Don't worry things will get better

I think he will know why your upset at him, if you want to and feel prepared enough to, you could speak to him very directly about you and him, and get things out into the open, if it was me in this case i would have a lot of respect for you doing this as i admit its not easy, i know that us cancers are not direct enough at the best of times.
It would clear the air for both of you and he may open right up to you afterwards, he maybe just needs this to happen a little nudge then it will all come pouring out from him.

Yeah... I'll see, when i feel strong and brave... I have to prepare myself mentally for something like that!

The ONLY thing i'm afraid of is if he says "no, nothing's wrong, i don't know what you're talking about"... I'm not sure how I'll react to that, THAT is like a slap in the face... and would make me very very angry... I dont know...

Your totally right, its very difficult, and i would feel just like you are about its, its the worry of it all not going how you would like and everything.
I totally understand as i find things like that very difficult, easy to plan in my head but actually doing it is admittedly much harder.

Ok now we're talking since yesterday and I've stopped the war, I'm friendly again, so he keeps coming to see me,lots of jokes, even though some are not that funny he's trying...
This morning he came in... good morning sunshine...
But it's weird, strange...almost like NOTHING happened... I dont know?!
What's he thinking now?!

He may be feeling a little bit embarrassed maybe, after the recent awkwardness and he may fear it being discussed so will act like nothing has happend, il may have shocked him a little, it may have made him appreciate you more.

yeah that's what i think... it does feel awkward a little for both of us... but i guess it's still up to me to make the "whatever" move right?!

He may appreciate me more, i think i shocked him too... but it won't be him who's gonna open this can of worms, I hate this so much!
It's still up to me nothing has changed... it makes me angry to be put through this... Maybe i SHOULD write in on the "side of a tall building"!

It's not fair! really not

Yeah i think its going to rely on you to make that critical move, that way you will know where you stand, if it goes well it should clear the air and lead to an amazing feeling for you both.

Lol, yeah i wouldn't rule out massive letters in a building just yet 😉

if it goes well.... IF!
Right now I have no clue where I STAND... He's being nice and sweet, but I'm not sure what he thinks... is there a WE or not?!
So until I get that feeling that "yes" he's interested, that very strong feeling... then I MAY give it a try... it might take a while, it may not...
BUt i'm very unsure what's going through his head so... I'll wait and see

I hate what I'm feeling now... I'm being suspicious of him, I don't want to be... but whith everything that happened... I can't help it... I;m also a little confused, not sure how to look at this whole situation, not sure what to think... Ahhh i hate this... Last month was so much better, well before the holidays... it felt good, things were good...
it depresses me now... I feel sad, like as if i had to climb up that hill allover again...
Life can be so complicated... and perhaps, maybe he feels identical to what i'm feeling?! i dont know...

Remember this Moloko...

I just remind myself that the life im living now is not a rehearsal for the real thing, that this is the real thing, right here and right now, sometimes when you think like that and come across someone or something that you really want its just a case of going for it, dont let another girl grab him first, make him yours.

IT's soooo true!
But right now i have courage left...

I know how you feel, its anything but easy, and with the doubts in your mind and everything, you must be quite fed up by now i imagine.