question for cansir (Page 2)

XF next time distance yourself and don't respond so much to his advances, don't respond at all if you can help it, teach him how to be with you, right now your showing him you want him, your being an open book, if you see him in a room don't even go over and say hi, just ignore him, too many of us make this mistake, you have trip his subconscious mind and let his adrenaline kick in and then the hunt is on, if you keep doing the same thing you will keep getting the same results, if you want something different then do something different, if he hugs you push him away, don't be so open to his romantic gestures.

BK I'm not going to fall for your oooooooooooozing cum get it charm LOL!! Stop before I spank your cancer behind *giggling*

tiki33 if u only knew what the cum get charm can doooo,would make u weeeaakkk,lol.

the thing is XF this could take months for you to get him the way you desire, you might think man I'm being mean to him but in his mind he's thinking man she seems so much more appealing and she isn't like the rest of the girls I know and I don't know why but I like it, stop reacting to his physical gestures and get your mind into his mind, any woman can get a man to like her on a physical level but you get nothing until you know how to trigger his brain into seeing you as more than what he sees in front of him. You want him to see you a certain way then be unavailable, this will force his brain to go into an automatic hunters response and start seeking you out more and if he doesn't seek you out then you know he wasn't into you and this will give you the answers that you need to not waste another second with him.

ROTFL@tiki33 if u only knew what the cum get charm can doooo,would make u weeeaakkk,lol.

Oh hell to the NO, you not gone have me butt naked on some bare skin rug typing my heart out on the cancer forum, crying why lord why!!

I'm not playing with fire BK!!

::putting my running shoes on::

Look make a decision and just put it across cause at times i will say this some people do play games , i will give example. I had my ex taurus say she want to be friends and when i start pushing myself and start kissing hugging, feely touchy which tauruses like they tend to respond very quickly to that and the romance . If u respond and u react and we talk where to go from here then be steadfast and be with me and my focus will be on u , if u decide to say nah and still submit to my kisses ,hugs etc you playing games. Nuff said

well I haven't got much choice now as he's got a girlfriend - but at least I know what to do in the future.......

That previous response was for xangelfish regarding to be steadfast.

yeah

he will be back

they all come LOL!

yeah they do cnacer and taurus magnetci and so do cancer and scorpios

BK - that's what I thought I was doing......I let him know that if he was interested I was too - he put it out there as though he WAS interested but just wasn't comfortable getting into a relationship right now because of his finaancial situation - so I tried to just be a friend and be there for him.....I didn't want to just suddenly back away comepletely and have him thinking I wasn't really intereseted unless he was ready to ask me out right this second......just tried to be a friend and show him that I do care about him as a person.

One thing though we cancer know ho wto push tauruses buttons, and know what gets em mad, anger leads to hate ,hate leads good suffering and suffering leads to greeeeeat make up sex.

BK - you have a one track mind..........

nope my mind is verrrry complex and i speak from some experience

Well XF the woman he's with right now probably treated him the way we suggested you treat him and look at were you are (no offense)

Listen, he already KNOWS your interested and he know you care, so back away and I mean waaaaay away, let him seek you out, a lot of us have a hard time doing this because were afraid, well tell your fear to take a back seat. Be supportive if your comfortable with that but don't ever be emotionally available, why should you be, he hasn't done ANYTHING to deserve that from you.

I have a taurus rising and oh this sign has given me a run for the money UGH!! But I also like how it has kept me charging forward no matter the hardship, I never give up or in, I'm stubborn when it comes to life LOL! But I'm fair.

yes the stubborness is something yall lil downfall not listening but hey i aint complaining everyone has lil stubborness when they feel like they right

Yep, the not listening thing is something I have been told about BUT I have mastered that part of myself which is very challenging for me, when something is said I take it for what its worth and leave it alone, thats the hardest thing I have ever done in my life LOL!

"Well XF the woman he's with right now probably treated him the way we suggested you treat him and look at were you are (no offense)"

actually............my friend told me he talked to her about hte girl for like five minutes and in those five minutes she got the impression the girl was serious tramp......
all I know of that situation is that they dated for a couple months a while back,she broke up with him, he ran into her a couple weeks ago [probably at a party] and they ended up sleeping together and got back together.

so she didn't exactly do what you guys are saying I should....and that's what I'm confused about.....if I was coming on too strong then why would he go for this girl ? if it had nothing to dso with me coming on too strong and he simply wasn't interested in me, then why does he act the way he does with me?

seriously - he keeps hugging me and holding my hands, he's flirty, he makes a big deal about me to everyone at the bar - co-workers and customers alike.....
But I still just act casually and act like just a friend

and I should clarify something else too - the first time I went to see him was when I gave him my phone number, then a month later I went to see him to say I was sorry if I made him uncomfortable [ because he kept bailing on hanging out with his sister and I thought it was because of me] and show him that it wouldn't be awkward - that was a month after the first time I went. and that's when he gave me his phone number - again I didn't ask him for it or even allude to wanting it - and there is a very big difference between being like "well hey I think you're cool and we can hang out some time here's my number" and acting coy and smiling and silently slipping me a piece of paper with his number on it..... that is definately flirting.... then I didn't see him again for like two or three weeks, I just had a bad day and went and had dinner and hardly even ta;lked to him and then left. then I didn't see him again for about another month when I went to the baseball game with his sister and SHE called him up and said she wanted to go to the bar and see him - and when we got there I DID ignore him, until he left and came to hug me - and then I was kind of cold to him until he said he hadn't called me because he was having a problem with someone ast work and didn't want to call me just to complain about his problems and I told him he should because I'm a good listener, that's about it - then I didn't see him again until

last friday and that was ANOTHER month later - so when yoiu guys are thinking that I've been chasing after him I really haven't.

I do have very strong feelings for him - but I don't tell HIM that !!!

all I know of that situation is that they dated for a couple months a while back,she broke up with him, he ran into her a couple weeks ago [probably at a party] and they ended up sleeping together and got back together.

She broke up with him....KEY WORDS....didn't we say some cancers like what they can't have, she challenges him mentally or he wouldn't want to be with her either, most women think women like that are tramps but she obviously knows how to stimulate and intrigue him, he may become bored with her at some point but for now he's intrigued.

so she didn't exactly do what you guys are saying I should...you can't disprove that she hasn't been aloof and distant towards him, he hadn't let her go and more than likely he's been chasing her for awhile, trust that and now he has her.

he keeps hugging me and holding my hands, he's flirty, he makes a big deal about me to everyone at the bar - co-workers and customers alike.....
But I still just act casually and act like just a friend

You my dear should never let a man in your space unless he's producing something from it, I don't care how much you like him, its okay to like someone but your space should be precious to you and until he's really showing he's interested ie calling, setting up dates to meet etc then you should always gaurd your space because its precious, the reason for this is naturally women are emotional creatures so its important to stay mindful of this, I know were in a different time and day were women can make the first move but men rarely liked to be hunted or preyed upon.

I'm not going to pick this apart but you had no reason to step to him about the phone number, he more than likely gave you his number out of guilt after you came to him which in his mind was confrontation and some people hate confrontation and will do anything to appease the situation, why did you feel compelled to say anything? couldn't you have shrugged it off and went about your business?

why did you give him so much power, no wonder he was playing with you, your too emotionally visible and he probably knew you wouldn't be challenging so he moved on to the girl who dumped him.

last friday and that was ANOTHER month later - so when yoiu guys are thinking that I've been chasing after him I really haven't.

No your not chasing him but your not showing him how to treat you either, look at how he acted when you were cold towards him, thats what you have to keep up with, if he had hugged you and you gently moved to other side of the room, what effect do you think that would have, you would have triggered him into the chase but you passively sit there and allow him in your space without making him first OPEN HIS MOUTH and tell you what his intentions are, such as if he's interested in talking, going to a game or concert or dinner.

he's not calling you but he's all up in your space...oh hell no LOL!! I'm sorry but that don't cut it with me.

stop being afraid to be emotionally unavailable, stop looking at it in a lose situation, so what if he thinks your mean, inactuality he will really like this about you, he will know if he has to work to get in then your not easily swayed by men period and this makes you attractive and trust worthy, you don't have to be a bitch to be this way, but don't allow men in your space, hugging, holding hands etc until he opens his mouth to let you in on his desires/intentions.

you said girls see this behavior as being a tramp [ meaning the girl he's withs behavior] but not his sister - if that was her beahvior his sister would be saying the same thing to me that you are saying - "she did it right and that's why he wants her"

I know I'm going around in circles here - but I have soooo many things going through my mind right now.
But like I said I really can't do anything right now anyway - but all of this analyzing his behavior is really helping because I'm sure I won't see him again for a long time, but I know that eventually I will because like I said his ister is my best friend. But at least now I know what to do next time - and what NOT to do.......

XF,
Since U wrote this board 4 Cansir, He IS LETTING U KNOW THAT I AM HIS LOVE, before all the other women on this board. Because I have picked up on him and Cancer men well. U R 2 available. U keep saying that U R not chasing him. However, he is just giving U hugs 2 get the feel of U. I bet he KNOWS if he can take it further. Then U will let him. That is Y he dumped U. U should B the one dumping him. It is NO WAY, I am going 2 B letting NO man flirt with me and holding my hands in silent mode. Hey, what's up. I don't do no mysterious sense. U need 2 directly speak your tongue out 2 me. Cancer men R VERY good at making women assume that they have more of what is going on. That is Y so many women R having problems out of him. U R 2 easy. He wants a hunt. A challenge. U R letting him hug U flirt with U, and U gave him your #. Hell NO! OH NO! XF, I have a man! And I still have Mr. Cancer wanting me. AND guess what. If he is not talking about producing. He can't have me. If his finances R not straight. U can't even TALK 2 me until U have your life in order. Period. I don't sell myself short. No I am not materialistic. However, U going 2 have 2 buy me a samoneilla peanut butter and jelly sandwich or something. My thang is not free. LOL!

Oh and PS XF,
Cancers don't play that let's B friends either. They ALL of U or nothing. So that is Y, I say U need 2 pick up on the clues or U will always get dumped by him. Don't B afraid 2 dump his arse! Dump HIM, if HE is not acting right. He will step correct each and every time he steps back.

BK - that's what I thought I was doing......I let him know that if he was interested I was too - he put it out there as though he WAS interested but just wasn't comfortable getting into a relationship right now because of his finaancial situation - so I tried to just be a friend and be there for him.....I didn't want to just suddenly back away comepletely and have him thinking I wasn't really intereseted unless he was ready to ask me out right this second......just tried to be a friend and show him that I do care about him as a person.

ALL this is clues he is using 2 feel U and U did not even pick up on them!

XF,
That is the whole problem here. U CARE! Y would U care about someone who just wants 2 B friends and just hug on you. Girl U need 2 let that go. If his finances R not together. That is not your problem. BYE! U R not going 2 build off MY strength. BYE! BYE! BYE! I will C U when your finances R correct. I don't need 2 B wrapped up into your emotional drama. I need 2 B wrapped up into ME. However, this is another Cancer radar clue that U R needy. Here he is telling U, his finances R not correct. Any women will some (no harm) game about herself will not accept a man in her life that she cares about without him producing. LOL! I know I had this same problem with mines. I was like BYE! LOL! C U LOL! U don't have YOUR LIFE 2 gether, NO, U can't talk 2 me. I dumped him off real quick! I will C you when U get yourself 2 gether. I don't want 2 B your friend. LOL! NO girl U need some game. U R 2 average here. I can C U checking up on him periodically, like every blue moon, just 2 C if he was together. However, trying 2 B his friend while he is not financially stable. NO, not me. U need some game in your life. Sorry I don't mean 2 sound so blunt.

again I ask - if I scared him off by being too easy then why on earth would he turn to a girl who hooks up with him at a party and sleeps with him the same night?? If letting him hug me was being too easy then what do you call sleeping with him ?
they only dated for a couple of months so if she was sleeping with him then she was ALWAYS being too easy.....so what you're saying doesn't really make sense to me. If HUGGING IS BEING TOO EASY THEN WHY ISN'T SLEEPING WITH HIM ??

wow seems like i missed out on a lot. as i was scanning through the replies i noticed two things. 1. yes we love to flirt and are darn good at it and #2 we do not like head games but will play them with the best of them. xangelfishx i think he is hooking up with this other girl because he does have a past with her and if she is easy then he might be thinking why not. i will tell you one thing and that is he is definitely using this girl. if she broke up with him and they got back together he will use her to whatever extent she lets him because he will have the last say and the pleasure of dumping her like she dumped him. remember we have a tendency to be vengeful :-) as for you i think you are playing it right. he knows you are his sisters friend and is not going to do anything with you until he feels comfortable in HIS own life. meaning until he gets his financial etc..act together. i truly believe it is a respect thing. first since you are his sisters friend i don't think he would want you to think he is some dirt bag that has money problems and whatever else. also, if he didn't respect you i would bet money he would have called you and would be using you right now. we do categorize women and the ones we respect we truly treat differently than the ones we don't..maybe that is merely a man thing lol..

you know I literally breathed a sigh of relief when I read that cansir......thank you

glad i could help :-) i really think it is true because if we like you then we respect your opinion and what you think about us means a lot. hence, he is not with you right now because he would want to take you and treat you right but he is not secure with his life at the moment. i am sure he doesn't want to look like some sort of failure in your eyes. on the other hand, this other girl doesn't mean anything to him because if she did he would have the same reservations with her as he does with you. her opinion doesn't matter to him because if it did he would be using the same reasons with her. it is only a matter of time before this girl is history. she is just the quick fix at the moment. anyway, keep your head up and try not to analyze so much. i know a cancer telling someone else not to analyze so much is a joke..but other than that i think you are doing fine..

no offense to anyone because I REALLY appreciate all the help and input - but with everyone telling me he probably thinks I'm easy I was starting to feel a little beat up on....

and it really does make me feel better cansir because everything you say is exactly how I was interpreting his behavior - so you drawing the same conclusion without me saying it first helps me feel a lot more confidant :0)

If I could I'd give you a great big hug !

XF no one said you were easy, we said your BEING EMOTIONALLY OPEN and that doesn't mean EASY, your being too available and stop labeling a girl you don't even know, I told you that her dumping him made him want her back and that eventually he would become bored with her.

theres a difference between being emotionally available and physically available. You were being emotionally transparent and whats the challenge in that for him, next time ease up a bit and were not here to tell you what you wanna hear, were here reading what you wrote and letting you know how to disengage the situation to prevent missed signals and to prevent you having to deal with his charming chivalrous ways without getting anything in return, you are totally captivated by this guy and your way too emotionally available around him and even though you see him once a month or so your still sending out those I'm an open book signals when he's around you, keep him out of your space, no hugging, touching, nothing until he comes correct, this will prevent a lot of confusion.

If your letting a guy in your space, hold your hand, hug you and he hasn't even made an attempt to call you then your being way to open, make him back his ass up the next time you see him and allow him the mental space to come to you correct.

do what you want but trust me if you continue to do the same thing every time he's around you, you will get the same results and be back here asking why he this or that.

Thank U Cansir and Tikki,

Oh and Cansir, thank U. U lay it down I must add. Yeah, XF, words in different parts of the country mean different things. Easy is emotionally available, not hard enough 2 get. Yeah, and Cansir is right. If U R easy and U dump a Cancer male. They will get back with U until U R completely hooked and dump U. Leaving U hurt like hell. Haven't had that happen though LOL!

"next time ease up a bit and were not here to tell you what you wanna hear, were here reading what you wrote and letting you know how to disengage the situation to prevent missed signals "

I wasn't complaining - that's why I prefaced that comment by saying that I didn't mean to offend anyone and that I REALLY appreciate all the input....

one other thing though - at the risk of anyone taking offense again.....Tiki you DID say that if I let him hug me that tells him that he can easily get more - just because I let him hug me does NOT mean I would jump into bed with him....

I didn't mean him getting you in a physical sexual way, I meant he could get more of the affection ie hand holding, hugging etc from you without producing anything on his end. I never felt like this guy was trying to get sex however I did feel like he was manipulating your emotions and frankly he got a kick out of doing it. On the other end your becoming frustrated out of lack of understanding and we or shall I say I was trying to give you tools to prevent this from happening.

so when I said get more, I meant get more of what he was getting from you inregards to the affection aspect of it.

okay - I took it the wrong way

i can't speak for every cancer but i know i like to touch and feel. i hug or give a kiss on the cheek to the women i care about. that doesn't mean we are in a relationship because i do that with most girls i am comfortable with. remember we are ruled by emotions and touching and hugging give off emotions not necessarily sexual. i just like the contact because it feels warm and good. he is probably happy to see you so hugging you is probably his way of showing he cares. not everything is a game and sometimes we just have to take things for what they are..

so if cancer men are indirect, and physical affection is not necessarily a sign of interest in a relationship - how DO you know if a cancer guy likes you?
Maybe I was entirely wrong to begin with and he wasn't intereseted at all.

that was the purpose of my original question - to figure out if I had been reading him wrong all along.....

XF thats why I said not to allow men in your space like that, its way too confusing for some of us, next time you see him keep your distance or tell him to stop it, I personally don't want a man up on me unless he's talking about something tangible.

sorry cansir I'm older and I have learned my space is precious and prevents me from assuming that a guy is really digging me when he's more than likely just being himself, nothing wrong with that but I personally feel like hey keep your hands to yourself *giggling*

If I don't see him as a potential partner and he really is just a friend then its okay but if I know I'm digging a guy, I keep my distance to prevent confusion on my part. I use more eye contact and verbal, if he's not talking about much then I go on about my business.

personally I believe you were reading him wrong, because he never initiated contact after you gave him your number and that alone should have told you that you misread this guys actions and to simply leave it alone.

i know we are a confusing group. we are very cautious that is why we go about things indirectly. we do not want to feel rejected so we will throw feelers out to see how you respond. if you respond positively then we will throw more out to make sure we are not getting a false sense. but once we do get a good vibe we still aren't direct and will go about things as if they are no big deal. this way if we do get hurt it won't look like it affected us. i think in time this guy will possibly be interested but like i said before he has a lot of stuff he is trying to sort out right now. if he opened up to you then he likes you. remember we keep people at a distance until we feel can trust them. just be patient and give it a little time and see if he sorts some of his issues out..

well the reason I went to see him after that was because like I said his siter lives far away so when she comes down here to see me sometimes she likes to hang out with ihm too - I didn't want him to feel uncomfortable hanging out with us so Itried to talk to him and show him it was no big deal we could be friends.....he said he didn't want a girlfriend right now because of his situation, but he was still acting like he liked me [ or so it seems to me....]
I didn't go see him that second time to pursue him - but he does act like he's very happy to see me....I just figured he doesn't call or ask to hang out because he doesn't want to push things too far right now.

oh and just to clarify i give quick hugs and quick pecks on the cheek to the girls that are just friends. if you mean more to me you will get a little extra attention. i will hold your hand and hug you a little longer. i am sure you women know the difference between someone who just wants to be a friend and someone who might want more. the physical contact is drastically different.

"if he opened up to you then he likes you"

yes - I would definately say he has - like I said, he won't talk about what happened with his ex fiance with anyone [according to his sister]and it was like 7 years ago or something

"oh and just to clarify i give quick hugs and quick pecks on the cheek to the girls that are just friends. if you mean more to me you will get a little extra attention. i will hold your hand and hug you a little longer. i am sure you women know the difference between someone who just wants to be a friend and someone who might want more. the physical contact is drastically different."

HA ! I wish I had it on video to show you - he is not just affectionate with me - he is VERY affectionate - he'll hug me then keep holding me while talks to me for a few minutes then hug me again.....

xangelfishx stop confusing yourself. from what you have written i think he likes you but your right he doesn't want to push things to far right now and he is probably just feeling out his own situation and the situation with you. like i said before you will know when a cancer doesn't like you.