Sick of feeling he doesn't care about me..

So me and my Crab have been together for only 4 months but I keep feeling like he isn't interested in me really...even though he says he is.

He still hasn't told his family and friends about me. Everytime I bring it up he has a different excuse. His family will try to cause problems; his ex will use it against him in his custody case; he's a very private person; he has too many other things to think about right now.

I was fine with it at first but now it's truly starting to affect me and even though I've told him how it makes me feel he will just spin off either of those excuses. I'm starting to think maybe he's ashamed of me because I use a wheelchair...I can't think of whatelse it could be. I don't believe it's those excuses anymore.

He's throwing his birthday party on Saturday (tomorrow) and he never invited me. I waited for a bit then last weekend I asked why he hadn't. He said "Do you really wanna come? I don't care if you're there or not". I don't know if I'm being overly sensitive but that kinda hurt. He has invited everyone but me.

I said "I can get a ride there but I can't get one back until the morning is it alright if I stayed the night?" and he told me that lots of people would be staying and they don't know I'm his girlfriend. I told him I'll sleep on the floor if I have to I don't mind. Anyway he said he would ask and that's the last I've heard from him...it's been four days.

And that's not all that makes me feel like he doesn't really want me. He will always make jokes that I'm stupid. Like he thinks it's cool to talk in riddles kind of (I actually think he does it automatically, gem in merc responsible?) and he expects me to know exactly what he's talking about...if I don't I'm 'slow' or 'dumb' or 'stupid'. I spoke to him telling him it's not funny (he said he says those as a joke) and he's stopped...it only slips when he's drinking now. He also says "I will talk to you later...oh actually...I'll just talk to you when I feel like it". He's told me I'm like paper work and he leaves me till everything else is done. I told him all the negative things he says, joke or not, needs to be balanced by positive stuff (I'm always telling him nice things) and he said "But there's nothing to compliment you on". I wasn't even asking for a compliment and I'm sure he must have been joking once again but that really hurt.

I don't hound him with texts or calls. I'm more than happy to give him space, especially if I know he's busy or whatever. If he's busy and I don't realise...I get the cold shoulder but if I'M busy I'm expected to jump and get a guilt trip when I don't.

Oh and speaking of the cold shoulder...he does this for about half an hour everytime he comes over. He walks in without looking or speaking to me. If I give him a quick hug and a kiss he just sits there...taking over the T.V. (sometimes he randomly appears at my door...without even telling me he was going to visit)

But after that half an hour....he's amazing. He's so affectionate! That's what confuses me. The one time I get to see him he's almost perfect...but all the rest of the time it's like I don't exist..and if I do exist I don't matter.

I don't know what to do anymore!

Posted by TypicalScorpio

And that's not all that makes me feel like he doesn't really want me. He will always make jokes that I'm stupid. Like he thinks it's cool to talk in riddles kind of (I actually think he does it automatically, gem in merc responsible?) and he expects me to know exactly what he's talking about...if I don't I'm 'slow' or 'dumb' or 'stupid'. I spoke to him telling him it's not funny (he said he says those as a joke) and he's stopped...it only slips when he's drinking now. He also says "I will talk to you later...oh actually...I'll just talk to you when I feel like it". He's told me I'm like paper work and he leaves me till everything else is done. I told him all the negative things he says, joke or not, needs to be balanced by positive stuff (I'm always telling him nice things) and he said "But there's nothing to compliment you on". I wasn't even asking for a compliment and I'm sure he must have been joking once again but that really hurt.

woa wait up, if hes joking-that might be the gem in his wanting to play devils advocate, and you need to put him in line since you dont like that kind of shit. and if hes not joking, thats borderline abuse and i hope you dont tolerate that. and "talk to you when i feel like it", if hes joking thats not really a likeable sense of humor, and again, if hes not joking thats fucked up.

"But there's nothing to compliment you on"
"He's told me I'm like paper work and he leaves me till everything else is done."

this dudes either fucked in the head or got a sick way of showing you love. from reading everything you posted, i can agree with you that he doesn't really care about you, so you're not imagining things. what happens now is up to you.

((((Big hugs))))) cancer or not....he sounds like a complete jerk and it seems to me you can do so much better! That's just so disrespectful and immature!! Is it really worth the one or two times he's nice?

Sounds to me like he's stringing you along. If he was really into you everyone would know about it! This is one of those times when if you have to ask yourself if it's ok, then it's probably not. Listen to the little whisper you're obviously hearing and back off, real men don't hide their girlfriends.

Cancer or no cancer, this man has no right to treat you the way he is. Yes, cancers are private individuals and they don't always like sharing their personal life with their family/friends but the way he is treating you is borderline abusive. The fact that he has no problem telling you to your face that he'll talk to you when he 'feels like it' or, he thinks you're 'slow, dumb stupid,' etc and tells you that he 'leaves you until everything else is done' is a HUGE red flag here. He either A.) Doesn't value you, or B.) Is a total and complete asshole (perhaps all of the above?)

The fact that he seems intent on not having you at his birthday party gives me the feeling that he's trying to hide you from his circle of friends. Cancer's have been known to be insecure (the cancer I dated sure was) and the fact he's young (I'm assuming?) doesn't help the situation much. He sounds incredibly immature and manipulative. He wants to keep you around but doesn't want anyone to know about it. That's not fair.

It sounds like this man has issues. If there is one thing I've learned in life (and ESPECIALLY after dating a cancer man) it's that when people treat you like dirt, it's generally because they themselves have insecurities, low self-esteem/self-worth or, that they just cannot come to terms with who they are as a person inside and out. Maybe he secretly hates himself, maybe he's been terribly hurt and he wants to spread that hurt around, I don't know. But what I do know is that what's going on here isn't right and it isn't healthy and I hope you put a stop to it for your own sake. You seem like a really nice girl and you desurve someone who will make you feel good, someone who doesn't make you question whether or not he cares for you.

Stand up for yourself girl! You talk about giving him space and letting him contact you instead of bothering him when he's busy.... it sounds like you let him have the run around, time to put him in his place!

Posted by PixieDust
Stand up for yourself girl! You talk about giving him space and letting him contact you instead of bothering him when he's busy.... it sounds like you let him have the run around, time to put him in his place!

I want to break up with him but I don't want to ruin his birthday...but there's also this little thing inside (probably caused from my scorpioness) that doesn't want him to be single tomorrow night...I don't want him to think "eff it, I'll just go get laid" because I'm pretty sure he won't cheat on me...but then I feel bad about that because I know that's pretty cruel and selfish of me..so I don't really know what to do.

Also I've read everyone elses replies I'm just letting them sink in a bit more before I respond to them. I really appreciate everyones input!

I hear you there. As far as ruining his birthday, I wouldn't even give him the considertion. I know it's an ugly thought to think of the guy you're with sleeping with another girl but if that's how he's going to react then so be it. Another reason why he's not good enough for you...

I don't think anything that you said was cruel or selfish. Go be selfish all you want, he sure as hell is.

Wow, honey.. seriously dump his ass! He sounds like a total jerk to you!! You deserve way better, you are clearly intelligent from what I've read of your posts and pretty from your profile picture, who cares if you use a wheel chair, that shouldn't matter and the fact that you're doubting his affection for you based on that makes it clear that you think he's that shallow of a person that it could be possible he thinks that way. I say leave now with your dignity intact. If he didn't invite you to his freaking BIRTHDAY party, come on now, do you really want a guy that will not even think to invite you? (Or purposefully NOT invite you) Get out now before it gets more complicated. 30 minutes of affection is NOT worth it.

also, I agree with everything pixiedust says. I know it's hard to make the guy the innocent party, and not want to "ruin his birthday" but considering he didn't even invite you, who the fuck cares?

hard and we always make the guy the innocent party*

Westside - I told him his jokes weren't funny and he was like "why didn't you tell me this earlier?" I had told him his jokes hurt and he would be like "You just need to harden up" but as soon as I told him his JOKES weren't funny that seemed to hit a spot with him...so I think they are jokes but I swear there is an undertone of seriousness behind them. The thing about nothing to compliment me on and paperwork didn't feel like jokes and he never said they were so...I'm just hoping that they were anyway.

He has quite a bit of gem in his chart...the only other one I remember right now is his venus. I just think..if you care about someone and they tell you your words hurt them you would want to do whatever you can to stop that. I didn't tell him to stop (except for calling me stupid) just to balance it out with positive words...so it's not like I can't take a joke.

I appreciate you letting me know I'm not imagining it because I was wondering if I was being overly sensitive or something, so thank you 🙂

Lostinmymind - I agree with you but I kept reading here that it's not what he does when he's not around, it's what he does when he IS so I figured I pay more attention to that...but I don't think we see each other enough..it doesn't feel balanced...and I don't want to have to chase him but sometimes it feels like I have to just for him to remember me.

Lunarlady - That little whisper is pretty much yelling at me now! 😛 I would have thought he'd want everyone to know about me as well...it kills me having to keep him a secret...I wanna just go outside and tell everyone! Even the animals haha.

Pixidust - It's funny that both you and westside said the borderline abusive thing. I've been keeping an eye on his words because I know emotional abuse creeps up on you and I don't want to get caught in that. I haven't said he's abusive yet because I don't think it's QUITE there but I can see it wouldn't take much for his words to cross the line.

I also think maybe he's all of the above 😛 I just don't get it. He told me he's liked me since primary and when his mum didn't know I was on the phone he asked her if she rememebered me and she said "yeah you were crazy about her and you even gave her a necklace that your father gave you and I had to go and bloody get it back, I was so embarrassed"...so that confuses me too. How could he feel for me so long yet do all of these things?

He has been hurt...really badly. You said he could be trying to spread his hurt around to everyone...and I have been feeling like maybe I'm paying for what she's done...if that makes sense? But once again I wasn't sure if I was just over-reacting.

Roxyfalcon - Thank you so much for your kind words, I truly appreciate it 😛

I know my wheelchair doesn't personally bother him. His mother works with special needs kids so he's been around wheelchairs and even more indepth stuff. Also he has a couple other mates that use wheelchairs or have some sort of walking difficulty...I think it's more he doesn't like what his FRIENDS will think of him. Now...I can understand that. When you date someone with a disability you kinda both get affected by it but there comes a point where you have to decide if you can handle it and screw what everyone else thinks or leave.

And no I don't really want to be with a guy who can't/won't invite me to his birthday. If it was just a family deal I would understand but it's a huge party and it sounds like I was the only one not invited... If it were my birthday he would be the first person invited 😛


Basically...I really really like him. My heads like "dump him, he's taking you for granted and you can do better" but my heart is saying "But it's so good when he's around. And I can see that good side...juuuuust under the surface...if I could just stick around til it shows everything will be ok." There's pretty much an internal war going on and I don't know which side to pick. Because I do, somehow, think he cares about me.

I don't know...

Everyones advice has helped a lot though. I'm definitely leaning to the break up side of things more than I was before. I just want to get that grieving process over and done with and it feels like it's just getting dragged out.

Sounds like he really suck :/ I'm sorry. That's a toughy cus he's affectionate to you, but he seems to be ashamed of you. I have a feeling you won't be able to take it a few months from now if this keeps up. Why not save yourself the trouble...and...ya know..

How he feel is important but how he treats you is equally important...Listen, if you don't have respect for yourself a man won't have respect for you either. All the excuses is just that...excuses and the more you make excuses for him the more he loses respect for you, he's pushing you to break up with him because he's too much of a coward to do it himself.

Do you really believe he's going to wake up and stop being a jerk because you need him to and want him to, it doesn't work like that TS.

It's time to put yourself first or he'll never respect you and think about you as someone that adds value to his life.

You are already in an abusive situation but you are the one allowing it to be that way, it's escalating into something toxic for the both of you b/c he's not man enough to say it's not working for me and you don't have enough self respect to walk away from someone that clearly lacks respect for you and doesn't acknowledge nor validate you.

Wheelchair or not, you deserve basic kindness, generosity, loyalty, love and respect but if you don't believe you do then no man will believe you do either and will proceed to use you as a doormat, wipe his feet on you and kick you around.

The reason he can't remember you is because you make it all about him and when women do this she fails to see how making it all about it sends out a distinct message to a man that you don't count, that you don't matter so he'll proceed to treat you that way.

Stop making it all about it, stop worrying about his feelings and worry about your feelings, worry about YOU not him and he'll take a moment to think about someone else other than himself.

Your behavior towards yourself encourages neglect and mistreatment...Dump his ass and keep it moving, there is a man out there for you that will see you and love you but first try loving and validating yourself more before jumping into a new relationship.

sorry for the typo's...stupid keyboard

meant to say stop making it all about him

when someone validates you in private yet appears ashamed of you in public which includes not wanting you to be around his friends and family then it's your responsibility to yourself to never ever accept that kind of treatment which includes not accepting that person into your life...That should be made a part of your values and put on your deal breaker list.

The less you accept from a man the less and less you'll get from him down the line as you date him...Once he see you'll stay despite being treated poorly well that'll give him the green light to continue treating you bad no matter how bad you say it makes you feel, as long as he know you'll stay he'll keep doing it, he'll treat you like crap and make no apologies for it.

Posted by tiki33
when someone validates you in private yet appears ashamed of you in public which includes not wanting you to be around his friends and family then it's your responsibility to yourself to never ever accept that kind of treatment which includes not accepting that person into your life...That should be made a part of your values and put on your deal breaker list.

The less you accept from a man the less and less you'll get from him down the line as you date him...Once he see you'll stay despite being treated poorly well that'll give him the green light to continue treating you bad no matter how bad you say it makes you feel, as long as he know you'll stay he'll keep doing it, he'll treat you like crap and make no apologies for it.

Bingo!

"Basically...I really really like him. My heads like "dump him, he's taking you for granted and you can do better" but my heart is saying "But it's so good when he's around. And I can see that good side...juuuuust under the surface...if I could just stick around til it shows everything will be ok." There's pretty much an internal war going on and I don't know which side to pick. Because I do, somehow, think he cares about me."

I feel for you Typicalscorp....I really do. But it's this kind of thinking that is going to get you into trouble or (ahem) your heart shattered. I agree that he is confusing and that he doesn't make a lot of sense. I get that he had such strong feelings for you but the truth of the matter is, he is walking all over you and treating you like dirt. From your description of him, he doesn't seem "good" to be around at all. He sounds like someone who only puts you down and causes you a lot of emotional unrest.

You absolutely can do better. Never settle for asshole behavior. NEVER, EVER! At the very least, you'll teach him a big fat lesson. I say break up with him because by staying with him, all you're doing is indirectly telling him that you're not worth much/you don't value yourself much. And if you can't value yourself, he'll never be able to value you.

If you are gonna listen to your head you should walk out right now, I would not care if his house is no fire if he doesn't care about you why shoud you care about him. And if out of 10 times you two spend together he is nice 1 of them it is not enough. But heart has a mind of his own. And with scorpios especially. It takes for ever before a scorpio will deside to walk out. My friend went to hell and back, her boyfriend of 3 years even pushed her out of a car and said: get out. She forgave him. So I think that until you really start to feel that you have had pretty much all you could take there is no point thinkin about it.

I agree with tiki.

You don't respect yourself.

I'm new to this board, but have been reading threads for months. OP, I've read many of your threads, and you truly come across as a very smart, beautiful, and sweet woman.

I was absolutely appalled when I read this thread. My jaw literally dropped, not only by the things he has said and done but also because again having read threads of yours before, and not believing he could be so cruel to someone so bright and sweet as you.

Being a Cancer, and having dated a Cancer for 4.5 years (no longer together)his behaviour is very close to how my ex was also, especially in the beginning. I can not tell you the tears I cried over the years, and the hurt he caused...not only to my self being, but everything overall about myself. He began to break me down little by little. Please do not allow his 'sweetness' that shows up occassionally sway you into staying.

When a Cancer loves you, you will have absolutely no doubt in your head or heart. None. We will show it through words and actions. We maybe moody, and at times get lost in our own world of thoughts, feelings, and emotions. We may snap at you unexpectedly, but we are quick to right our wrongs especially when in love. We will feel horrible afterwards, and either apologize or act as though things are okay as a peace offering, showing the other person we aren't mad or upset any longer. Only if and when things are completely wrong or bad in our minds and/or hearts do we hold grudges. Very quick to forgive, but may not forget. Again, unless it is absolutely beyond our emotional balance. Many times, at least for me, if I snap at someone out of the blue it's because I'm lost in my own thoughts, and I need quiet in order to sort through and reflect. If I don't get that space and/or time alone, I become irritable and feel confined...like a caged cat. And yes, will get pissy or crabby. If we are hurt, yes, we retreat. But also too, we will snap back with a quick, hard reminder that you're out of line, walking on a fine line, or the person needs to back off before things get out of hand...in other words, heed our warning.

As a Scorpio, you probably relate much to what I have said. Also too, that there is an unspoken understanding between a Cancer and Scorpio, one that does not always need explaining because 'we just get it/or each other.' So without putting words in your mouth, if I am correct, I understand the struggle you are having because you are understanding and relating to some of his indifferences.

Posted by TypicalScorpio

He's throwing his birthday party on Saturday (tomorrow) and he never invited me. I waited for a bit then last weekend I asked why he hadn't. He said "Do you really wanna come? I don't care if you're there or not". I don't know if I'm being overly sensitive but that kinda hurt. He has invited everyone but me.

I said "I can get a ride there but I can't get one back until the morning is it alright if I stayed the night?" and he told me that lots of people would be staying and they don't know I'm his girlfriend. I told him I'll sleep on the floor if I have to I don't mind. Anyway he said he would ask and that's the last I've heard from him...it's been four days.

Right here, he's telling you that he doesn't care if you're there or not = he doesn't care about you.

so, what do you do?

You not only throw yourself on a man who doesn't want you ... you also give him the suggestion that you are so desperate to have him that you will sleep on the floor.


DAMN YOU WOMAN ..... HAVE SOME PRIDE AND RESPECT FOR YOURSELF !!!!!

People in here would blindly support you and tell you that you don't deserve how he's treating you and that he's abusing you ... and I disagree.


He is treating you exactly as you have shown him is acceptable to you = terms of relating.

A woman who does NOT allow such treatment - doesn't get such treatment.

A woman who allows the man to treat her that way - she then deserves the treatment because by means of not only staying with him, also catering to the way he treats her = she has chosen to be with this man and is therefore not a victim of abuse.


In other words, if you choose this, and you do = this is the relationship you deserve to have because it's the one you want.

shut the fuck up for a second p-angel
now listen to me OP-dump his ass. when you do this hell be wanting you back, trust. when this happens piss on his face and find someone else that is right for you. GL.

Posted by TypicalScorpio

Basically...I really really like him. My heads like "dump him, he's taking you for granted and you can do better" but my heart is saying "But it's so good when he's around. And I can see that good side...juuuuust under the surface...if I could just stick around til it shows everything will be ok." There's pretty much an internal war going on and I don't know which side to pick. Because I do, somehow, think he cares about me.

I don't know...

Of course you know.

But, instead of applying what you know .. you will do what every other woman does because they are desperate to be loved, and you will go against what you know.

I use the phrase, "suffer as you wish" alot ... nobody except me seems to actually get the concept.

You wish to suffer with the pain of it .... because when you said you don't know, you were lying to yourself because you do know .. you just want to choose to ignore it so you can suffer with the emotions that he doesn't want you, instead of living with the FACT that he doesn't want you .. because to live with the fact means you would actually have to walk away, unloved and unwanted and woman would do practically anything to avoid feeling unloved and unwanted ... even to the detriment of her own pride.



by god woman .... he openly tells you he doesn't care and you are practically begging him to be with him —

Con't

My first thought... I believe it was you who mentioned if it was what his friends would think of HIM, is I don't think it's that. I put myself in this scenario as to why I would do this, and it wouldn't be because of you or him. I would feel the need to protect you from friends who aren't nice or kind to anyone of different race, handicaps, life style s, etc. HOWEVER, I would feel the need to want to express this to you, but may not know how. This isn't giving excuses or exact reasons, but digging deep within as to why I would do it.Regardless of this, you can not tolerate this from him. Either you need to talk to him about it, and tell him to be completely honest, or tell him that after more thought you have chosen to not attend. Don't give him a reason, just tell him something came up. After this, remove him from your life. Say or do nothing more. If he is truly, truly into you you will hear from him. We never give up on someone we love, unless and until we know we can no longer do it. Then it is over, completely and very rare return if ever. At that point if and when you hear from him, then it's your choice whether or not you want to even acknowledge it. If he tries, it says something. Also, that would be your time to express EXACTLY how you feel, what you want, and what you expect from him...not only as a boyfriend, but as a man. Do not waver. Let him chew on it for a bit if he says or does nothing after you have told him these things. If he returns, he hasn't given up. BUT, you have to put your foot down to all of this bullbutter, and let him know that although you understand he has personal things going on, and you respect that and are there for him if he needs you, you will not allow nor tolerate this type of treatment because you have too much repect for yourself, and deserve to be loved as much as you want to love someone, and to be allowed to show and give that love freely. But that unless and until he understands what he does is hurtful, you feel it's best to go your separate ways. You need to put the fear into him he is going to lose you. If he loves you, he will shape up. But at this point his behaviour is abusive...both mentally and emotional. Stay away. If he cares, the silence will kill him. Just keep in mind, if you see and know he is putting forth genuine effort, if you continue to ignore him (and wanting things to work) you will eventually hurt him and he'll retreat, and it'll be hard to pull him out again.

Posted by tiki33

.... you make it all about him and when women do this she fails to see how making it all about it sends out a distinct message to a man that you don't count, that you don't matter so he'll proceed to treat you that way.

Stop making it all about it, stop worrying about his feelings and worry about your feelings, worry about YOU not him and he'll take a moment to think about someone else other than himself.

Your behavior towards yourself encourages neglect and mistreatment...

Exactly

You are enabling him to treat you this way because you accept it. All of your relationships are going to be like this if you don't have any self respect.

And then you alluded to some shit about you don't want him to have sex with someone else .. and this would drive you to be there when he doesn't want you?

What the hell is the matter with women these days? have they lost all sense of dignity?

Posted by OceanDeep

My jaw literally dropped, not only by the things he has said and done but also because again having read threads of yours before, and not believing he could be so cruel to someone so bright and sweet as you.

Is this a joke?

He isn't doing anything to you ... against your will.


People are so confused ... they would believe that you are a victim.

@P-Angel, absolutely not a joke. Confusion begins with mixed signals, which is here and there are definite red flags here. Could he be doing it because he feels he can, and also because she allowed it up to this point? Absolutely. However, just because she was giving him the benefit of the doubt, does not make HER responsible for HIS actions. She didn't force him to be a treetrunking jerk, he allowed that to be of himself. Give the OP some credit. She recognizes his behaviour is wrong and mistreatment. I believe at one point she stated she wanted to make sure it wasn't just all in her mind, or that she wasn't being overly sensitive. I could be wrong in that? I should re read this, but I believe I'm correct. Life is based on learning experiences, and sometimes you need to learn a lesson in order to grow as a person throughout life. I would imagine next time she sees or feels the same type of behaviour from any man, she'll keep this all in mind.

"Cut his ass off. That's exactly what I don't like about some cancer men. Once they get you where they want you, they think they can treat you any kind of way."

Exactly ^^^. I don't think I could ever date another Cancer again. Lived it and breathed it for waaayyy too long, and gave him too much benefit of the doubt because of his 'good' or 'wonderful' qualities. You couldn't pay me to go back to that misery, even though I know he still loves me. Hopefully OP will get it.

Posted by OceanDeep

However, just because she was giving him the benefit of the doubt, does not make HER responsible for HIS actions.

She is absolutely responsible ..... the first time he did it to her, he was a jerk ... every time after that SHE was responsible for herself and what she will allow.


You may be an enabler and would make yourself into a victim, and apparantly most of the women on here would take the victim position ... when in reality, every one of you was born with brain cells.

Posted by OceanDeep

Give the OP some credit.

She doesn't give herself credit ... in fact, it looks like all of you would counsel her on what's expected of someone to give her, this someone in question is the Cancer man.

You all would say that if he isn't giving nice to her, then he's a jerk.
You all would say that she deserves more.
You all would talk all day long about what should be given her .. even credit.


The reason he treats her that way is because she lets him ... she's always had the choice to walk away, and chose to stay.

so you can take your victim mentality you all are trying to wrap around her to enable her and blow it out of your assholes .. she is not a victim.

Posted by OceanDeep

I don't think I could ever date another Cancer again. Lived it and breathed it for waaayyy too long, and gave him too much benefit of the doubt because of his 'good' or 'wonderful' qualities. You couldn't pay me to go back to that misery, even though I know he still loves me. Hopefully OP will get it.

I get it now .. you are talking about yourself.

You are attempting to give another person insight on your situation, on what you have experienced ... and calling it her situation.

People would tell you to leave him, when he isn't even the problem.

that is what is called .... reacting to the effect


Any man, no matter who he is (sign is irrelevant), well any person actually (in case you decide to try gayism) .... is going to treat you the exact same way because you don't respect yourself.


Leaving him doesn't solve your problem .. it only puts a bandaide on it so you can't see the boo-boo at this time.


I'm not surprised though ... most people only recognize the lower part of their brain functions.

And that last part of my previous post wasn't addressing you, typicalScorpio, rather the people on here who would be clueless to what the real issue is, and counsel you on leaving him ... as if he is the problem.

Posted by P-Angel

Posted by OceanDeep

I don't think I could ever date another Cancer again. Lived it and breathed it for waaayyy too long, and gave him too much benefit of the doubt because of his 'good' or 'wonderful' qualities. You couldn't pay me to go back to that misery, even though I know he still loves me. Hopefully OP will get it.

I get it now .. you are talking about yourself.

You are attempting to give another person insight on your situation, on what you have experienced ... and calling it her situation.

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In response, I will take this as a compliment both in that not only did I tolerate and allowed someone who loved me to treat me that way, but also in terms of Cancer men and the ones that I have personally encountered, and lived with. Have I grown from that experience? Absolutely. Is that a positive thing? Absolutely. Did I finally say love is not enough? Absolutely. Am I a victim? No. But what I AM is someone who can help encourage and guide someone to understand things better, both through understanding how Cancers operate, but primarily as a woman who has life experiences. His behaviour is VERY typical of the experiences I dealt with on a daily basis from a Cancer man. And it isn't something to be tolerated, let alone for the weak or faint hearted. In terms of treatment in general from a man towards a woman, there is NO excuse or blame that I will take upon myself for HIS choices to be sweet as butter one second, and a treetrunking arsehole the next. THOSE are HIS problems, and ones that I CHOSE to walk away from. Right now he's with a Scorpio woman, and oddly enough they encounter the SAME problems. Hopefully for her, she'll get it sooner rather than later as well. So both for OP and the Cancer man she's dealing with, they are BOTH responsible for their OWN actions. They each have a choice, and she certainly does not need to deal with his crap. And that's what it is, is crap. In terms of astrology, apparently you haven't dealt with too much when it comes to Cancers and/or Cancer placements, let alone how deep feelings and emotions go for us waterbabies...this includes OP with Scorp/Cancer placements. We're thinkers, and deep thinkers. Emotions run deep and wild, whether shown outwardly or not. Very seldom does anyone get, or understand us. Something apparently y

...something you apparently don't comprehend, nor can't.

Posted by OceanDeep

But what I AM is someone who can help encourage and guide someone to understand things better, both through understanding how Cancers operate, but primarily as a woman who has life experiences. His behaviour is VERY typical of the experiences I dealt with on a daily basis from a Cancer man. And it isn't something to be tolerated, let alone for the weak or faint hearted.

No, you aren't a person who can guide to understand better, because ...

1. you are speaking from your own experiences, which don't include her situation
2. the only encouraging you are doing is by telling her he's wrong, due to your experiences of being done wrong
3. you aren't accounting for her participation.


Of course, it isn't something to be tolerated .. however she is tolerating it by choice .... and you apparantly are clueless to recognize that this toleration is her choice and would attempt to tell her it's not her fault.

You are the one not comprehending.



A person in a relationship, as they interact with the other person, sets terms, rules ... according to what they will tolerate, accept - or not.

If one of these two partners is accepting of behaviour they don't like, but does accept it and then even goes further to believe that if they accept it then it's giving the other the benefit of the doubt to behave better ... is nothing short of ignorance.

1. if you don't communicate to the other how/what you will tolerate .. then the other has a free range to do as they please.

2. if you accept/allow the other to treat you according to what is not acceptable to you .. then by this very acceptance, you are giving them permission to treat you the opposite of what you want.

3. what is this benefit of doubt crap? if this person isn't being TOLD the terms you will accept then are placing expectations on him to adhere to what you haven't conveyed?



You are telling me that I'm not comprehending ... when it's you who isn't comprehending.

When you are involved in a relationship ... you are the ONLY PERSON RESPONSIBLE in conveying accurately to the other person what is acceptable to you.

What you're trying to tell me that I'm not getting, as if there must be something wrong with me for it .... is to say that it's the man's responsibility to not only know what she wants without being told, it's also his duty to act on this unknown information.

How can you give the other person the benefit of doubt if you haven't even conveyed to him what it is your are doubting but hoping he won't do?

She even tells him that it's ok for him to say negative things about her .... TO HER FACE AS AN INSULT .... so long as he balances them out with positive sentiments.


He doesn't give her any positive sentiments .... and so she excuses this in hopes that he knows better next time?



wtf with this benefit of doubt bullshit?


Are you all mad?

I'd ask you to re read my posts. I said that she is responsible for her own actions AND also that he probably feels he can get away with it because she's allowed it up to this point. Aye.

I appreciate your insight, honestly. I'm always open to listening, learning, and if anything understanding other people's point of view. However, I'm not getting into anything more with you on this. I gave insight, just like you have. From this reader's perceptions, I'd have to say you're preaching to the choir with me in areas you are clueless with and about me. Sunday's service and sermon is now over.

Being a Cancer man...I do my best to draw insights from all the posts I read, but I will always cheer on that there is an ability to find the best of any sign out there.

It saddens me that you (TypicalScorpio) has to feel this, especially from a creature with a high emotional out put like a Cancer (especially with your emotional receptors). In my case with a past Scorpio relationship, it was the opposite.

Find someone that treats you right. You are beautiful and your eyes are magnetic. A thousand good wishes to you and better fortune, should you be with another Cancer or not.

IMO it's really not about whose victimizing whom, that's tit for tat bullshit, it's not really about him, it's about TS....

TS you'll know when you have had enough, right now you're in the throws of emotions, you feel deeply and you'll most likely hang in there for a while longer until you evolve away from the relationship and/or just can't take his passive aggressive one sided behavior he exude towards you. Only you will know when enough is enough, hopefully in the end you'll be a better person because of it and learn something about yourself as a result of it. We suggest that you dump him but only you can say when it's time for you to go.

Posted by OceanDeep

I'd have to say you're preaching to the choir with me in areas you are clueless with and about me. Sunday's service and sermon is now over.

You are counseling her based on how you were effected by a person .... and then telling her what is acceptable according to your failed relationship with a person.


A choir would know that ..... you don't, and so I have to tell you.


Good day to you ... and I hope you wake up soon ... just as I hope every person does.

Posted by tiki33
IMO it's really not about whose victimizing whom, that's tit for tat bullshit, it's not really about him, it's about TS....

TS you'll know when you have had enough, right now you're in the throws of emotions, you feel deeply and you'll most likely hang in there for a while longer until you evolve away from the relationship and/or just can't take his passive aggressive one sided behavior he exude towards you. Only you will know when enough is enough, hopefully in the end you'll be a better person because of it and learn something about yourself as a result of it. We suggest that you dump him but only you can say when it's time for you to go.

Very well said, tiki. Your advice from what I have read over the months browsing the forums is always sound, and again it is here as well.

Posted by grinch33344

Well what can we say, when we're in love we become blind to other person's flaw. It's easy for us to see it because we are not involved in the situation... when we are in the midst of it though all those truth become blurred.

I get that.

But, if people ignore their own actions, and believe our personal problems are exclusively the responsibility of the other person ... then how is a person suppose to learn from a mistake?

People would tell her it's all him, fuck him .. while she tells us that when he told her he didn't care about whether she was with him on his birthday or not, her response is to tell him that she'll find a ride there, and will sleep on the floor .. and everybody still is completely blind to her doing of this, and says he's wrong.

when he actually told her the truth ... he told her he doesn't care.

How is that mistreatment?

If a person tells you they don't care .. you are suppose to walk the fuck away. Not beg them to want you and then say he's an asshole.

he told her - point blank = I don't care if you are here or not.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ that's not lying, that's not playing a head game, that's not being a jerk, that's not being abusive, that's not being any of the things people are saying ... that's being honest with her = he doesn't care.

So, if her feelings are hurt at any time after he says such a thing due to her unrealistic expectations of what she thinks he's suppose to do ... is all her delusion.