This darn libra girl and this darn cancer guy

I've been hanging out with this cancer sun scorp moon gem ven guy for almost a year. He lives 2 hours away but his fam lives here in my town where he is actually from. So he would come to see them and spend time with me.. Over the summer I didnt see him at all for some reason.. We talked here and there.. Then the past few months he keeps coming and just showing up at my house.. He stays with me the whole time hes here and doesnt even visit his fam.. I work and he just hangs out at my house. He told me he wanted to cook for me since I was so nice to him and I fed him.. (stuffed peppers which he was like what made you want to make this? This was my favorite food when I was a kid ) So he had dinner ready for when I got home from work and it was soooo good. We ate and laid together for awhile then he had to go back to his state. He left his charger for his phone and when I told him he said he's going to leave it so its here when he comes back.. Seemed all sweet to me... Now I just saw on his damn facebook he posted about being at some restaurant and some girl I know he spent last valentines day with (which he told me she asked him to be her valetine and he bought this food bla bla) commented on it and said i'm jealous i cant wait til i get you to take me there babe. Now wtf? I'm beginning to think he is living a double life haha... I just text him and told him I'd like to talk to him let me know when hes available and he said later that todays a horrible day or whatever... I'm just going to ask him if he's dating other women which he clearly is and when he tells me he is I guess I'll just tell him that thats not what I'm looking for... IDK this is disheartening. I hate facebook haha Any suggestions

im lib sun cap moon scorp ven by the way
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ps I doubt its about sex. He stays with me even when he knows hes not going to be getting anything from me

So what have you two talked about, and agreed upon, in terms of what you are...Dating? FWB? Friends?

We never set anything like that. All I know is in the beginning he use to try to come to my house at like 1am and I told him I'm not looking for a booty call and he said he just wanted to see me. That was before we ever had sex. He kept coming around at decent times then to hang out. He doesn't talk about his feelings and I haven't really talked about mine. But when we r together it's obvious. I know I can't be mad about that chick considering we had not set boundaries but now I guess I need to set them. How can I go about it without scaring him off. I'm not saying he has to be w me I just want to know if him n I want the same things and if not I'm getting on a my life.

Posted by libnicole84
We never set anything like that. All I know is in the beginning he use to try to come to my house at like 1am and I told him I'm not looking for a booty call and he said he just wanted to see me. That was before we ever had sex. He kept coming around at decent times then to hang out. He doesn't talk about his feelings and I haven't really talked about mine. But when we r together it's obvious. I know I can't be mad about that chick considering we had not set boundaries but now I guess I need to set them. How can I go about it without scaring him off. I'm not saying he has to be w me I just want to know if him n I want the same things and if not I'm getting on a my life.

You read what my thoughts were, no defined boundaries. So, from there let's work on what to say then. Generally, Cancer men are pretty open and receptive if approached right. That's the key, approached right... and not having finger pointing, guns a blazing, in your face screaming, lecturing, or telling them what to do, think, or feel.

I think this should be a conversation that should take place face-to-face. Now, before you get worried because you want answers or to let him know sooner rather than later, what difference will it make if you wait until you see him. Either way, you wouldnt be having the conversation 'right now!!' had he not said that. And you wouldnt be seeing him any sooner or later anyway. So just wait to see him. You two have been basically free to do what you wanted on your own time up to this point, so if you make it seem urgent or has to be talked about right now, then you might scare him. Plus that will allow you to watch his face, eyes, actions, etc. Unless it's going to be quite a while before you see him—

Just tell him youve been thinking about things since the last time he was here. And given the amount of time you two have been hanging out, you were wondering what direction this was going and what direction he wants this to go. I would wait to say anything about what you read on FB. Just use that as your silent trump card, your silent driving force. And see what he says.

Thanks for your input.. Yea I'm not mentioning that unless he asks why i brought this up i guess.. I wont see him for like amonth IDK if I can wait that long..

I didnt wait i'm impatient. he said he does talk to a girl in his town so i said ok i figured thanks for being honest.. and I just said about the things I want in life out of a relationship. He said he wants the same things I want but right now he wants to focus on his career first and then starting a fam.. I said I cant do whatever it is that we are doing right now and that when I like someone I only like them and i deserve the same in return.. He said he really really enjoys the time we spend together but he understands and didnt want to do anything to hurt me and will def leave me alone... sooooo guess that is the end of that huh? I'm sad but Ive been strung along for a damn year and I cant waste anymore of my emotional energy on that.. And wondering when he'll say sorry I fell in love with someone or something like that.. I cant be number 2.. I deserve to be someone only one... Thanks for the advice tho

He text me yesterday after saying he'd leave me alone I said whats up he said he's feeling blah ish right now and asked how i was i said same he continued to talk about how he feels like he is in a funk i asked if he knows whats wrong or is it just a general feeling of blah ness and he just put feeling... wtf?

Because he really doesnt want it this way, he knows what he needs or wants right now, and he knows what you want or need right now, but he still is going to miss you, want to talk to you, etc. Its really up to you how you want to proceed, because his talking to you is his way of showing his wishy washy of a crab. Dont take it as game playing, take it as he is attached to you in some sort. Which is a good thing, if thats what the other person wants.

I'm just disgusted I think.... How can a guy be so affectionate and sweet to you one day then go back to his home town and do the same thing to another chick.... I don't think I'll ever feel the same..

Well, it may be his venus— :S *guilty*

I dated a gemini sun one time and it was the same thing I found out he was going to see his ex and he was trying to keep me at the same time.. Always telling me they broke up but then they'd be back together and I honestly felt like we were both in love without even saying and she just appeared back in his life and I knew he was going there doing the same stuff with her as he was with me I had to cut that off too.. I swore I'd never deal with that again and now here we are again haha.. The first time hurt a whole lot more tho

So the day he text me telling me he felt down or whatever during that time he posted on facebook something about now knows what it feels like to truly want something and know you can never have it. I wonder what that was about? I asked him what was wrong n he wouldn't say. He's confusing. He text me today too w small talk like nothing happend.

I was thinking that too. Maybe I should just not answer anymore.

He's not on my Facebook n I only saw that status like three days after he text me telling me he felt down.. My friend showed me the status. But after I responded to that text I did get tat feeing too like he was just testing to see of I still cared or something. I think next time I'm going to tell him to stop all together. It's hard for me because I do care
For him so I kinda was happy he still was attempting but I need to just completely cut it off.