What do you need during and after your shell time?

Crab disappears into shell.

Crab comes back out.

Crab says naff all about much of anything.

Things go well.

Crab disappears back into shell due to external stresses and fears.

Continual cycle of hide and seek.

Crab tells me he doesn't feel understood a lot (yet fails to tell me what about or explains much of anything, hardly talks at all lately).

What does a cancer male need when shell-time is over? Actually, what does he need when shell-time is happening? Knock on said shell? Leave him to it to pop his head back out again (it's my belief that it's not my right to barge in on someones healing or thinking time).

I'm leaving him to it, complete and utter silence for the time being since i have my own life and won't wrap my head around his all the time.

Ah I love cancerian men, you fascinate me with your fabulous qualities, creativity, sensitivity and humour, But by God ya drive me crazy with the withdrawal, mood and shell-activity!


My head is dizzy lol.

I need the answer to this as well as I am in a relationship with one well actually we got married. But the thing is we have been happy for three months but then I said something that offended him and now I feel that he does not love me as much even though he sais he loves me more than anything. But I figure that he needs some time to heal after what I said which I did not mean in the way he understood it. I do not want to lose him and I am willing to do anything so what do I do?

huh makes me feel a lot better, thanx 🙂

Posted by cindy789
I NEED SOME TIME AWAY FROM MOONEYES. HA

LMAOO!

Posted by moon_eyes

Posted by cindy789
Youre true colors are showing hun.

good,i never hid em so yay.— colors. btw you try and step on my toes ill rip your toenails out.🙂 this is something I never hid from people sweetheart. 😄 Im a cancer. 😉

your shroom addiction is showing dear 🙂 idk if thats the image you want people to have of you.

Dream lol@ your LMAOs youre so giggly. 🙂

click to expand

LOL@@ I'm sorry but they chick is crazy!

moon you should just ignore here 😉

Posted by eden 3
im good ty & u ?

as for the crazies got plenty to choose from....


oh this place ;P

gotta luv it

Hey eden!!! 😄

NZ wat did you do for him to start acting like this??

Thanks to those of you who offered advice. (Those that just argued, well, I have enough troubles of my own yanno, so yea... knock it off yes? I'm asking politely because i came here for advise and all).

The Dream: What did I do? We had an argument two months ago, pretty serious topic. We sorted it (or at least i thought we had lol). We spoke well after, loads of communication, cleared the air loads. He's in therapy for his fears about life, his stress because he knows some of his ways of coping aren't healthy (not substance abuse, more stress management). Two weeks ago he sent me an email saying he was so stressed out he was having panic attacks and that he needed some space to calm down. I'm okay with that, if that's his way of coping then that's the way it is. I just have difficulty with never knowing how he's doing because I care.

Claro de Luna: Heya, thanks. When he's been withdrawing before at times there have been times when I contact him (because sometimes I don't know if he's in withdrawal or just busy) he's very quick to reply and never actually tells me to leave him alone. If I don't contact him he fears I don't care anymore. It's an argument we have had a couple of times. He used to just disappear off until I explained it wasn't fair to expect me to know why so now he will actually tell me "Hey, I'm stressed, i need space, do you understand/' and mostly I do. He's never complained about having hsi space invaded but I do sense a difference this time so I've backed off entirely.

I don't know what other signs we have in our charts, I haven't a clue how that works. How do I get to find that out?

Thanks :o)

ah, he's an enigma. lol. Wonderfully complex and such a sensitive soul. But I get so frustrated with the crab-dance! It's like a one legged leper on vodka trying to do ballet!

Ummm, what i am getting from what you have wrote is that, something you said to him may lose his trust or faith from what ever happen say to him. It may take sometime for him heal from the whole scenario that had happen, its really hard for me to give it from the little info you given me but he will come out but may not feel exactly the same way as the way he use too IMO because that's how i am.

hummmm, so, what to do?

I think, given the stress and panic attacks I should leave him to calm down a little while longer. To intrude would be to impose on his healing time. I know if i withdraw (which I do at times, the imposing will only serve to make healing much harder as I feel i have to cater to the needs of others).

A conversation we have had many times is:

me: :i haven't heard from you for a while babe, are you okay?"

him: "I didn't think you wanted to hear from me"

me: "I love hearing from you, I definitely ant to hear from you. Can you tell me why you feel that way?"

him: "My intuition tells me you don't want to hear from me"

me: "Okay, I know you're intuitively intelligent but you're not right about this intuition because I love to hear from you ans spend time with you".

....and it goes on and on. It's like what i say goes to deaf ears.

Arghhhh.

I asked him about his need to withdraw at times and he said nobody had ever asked him, only gotten angry. I don't get angry but I did explain disappearing does make me anxious if I don't know why so he does tell me now that he feels he needs to withdraw. It can be anything from a couple of days to weeks.

The argument we had was the fact that basically, he is in a miserable space in his life and the impact of his moods may be upsetting to his children. He of course took it that I implied he was a bad parent, even though I was careful to say i knew he wasn't. I was raising a point that he may not realise the impact his moods have on his kids, who are 10 and under and have no real understanding of why dad is crying or upset or angry. I know it hurt him and he's probably very angry with me, although he hasn't said that.

i'd rather him be mad at me for sticking up for his children than not caring about them. Kids are beautiful and need nuturing, not to be subjected to seeing their parent anxious, stressed, upset and angry. He did understand what I was saying and went STRAIGHT into therapy but yeah, I think he's mad at me for raising the issue and wounding his heart since he's devoted to his children.

It's a mess actually. I'm tired, my head is tired.

How do I work out what signs we have in our charts??

Posted by deb963
Sorry are you a aqua if so aqua and cancer do not mix well.

I depends on the emotional maturity of both parties. While I realise astrology is valid there are also other factors included in whether people are compatible or not. I'll agree for sure that there are difficulties but I'm not the type of person to take one factor and dismiss a person based on that.

If we all did that we'd all avoid everyone of certain astrological signs and then we'd be doing ourselves out of perhaps some wonderful friends.

I'm asking for advise on HOW to mix healthily because I actually do care :o)

Posted by moon_eyes
Although sign doesnt matter much and yes its all about people you can not dismiss the parts of you that may not mesh with cancers. Dismissing parts of a person have nothing to do with the matter. Common similarities likes understanding do. Things go beyond the desire to make it work and into actually making things work . This can only be done if both parties are harmonious.

I think what deb is saying is that the outlook and approach to life that a cancer has is not that of an aqua therefore a relationship and common understanding may be too difficult to attain of not impossible. If im wrong do correct me. 🙂 You can take a mature aqua and cancer and still there are too many elements that make the daily life and friendship even a tad bit rocky.(just basic communication as an example)

Yes, there have been misunderstandings in the past and total communication breakdown. We had to find a pattern whereby we both understood the need to listen and absorb what was being said. There are still certain elements that we have work on (withdrawal and my lack of understanding of it) is one for sure. I'm never sure whether to intrude or leave him be until he's ready to pop up again. And he has a huge fear of me never contacting him again which we can't seem to get past. It's a vicious cycle: him withdrawing, me leaving him be to deal with his stuff and then him waiting for me to contact again because he's uncertain as to whether he should. It's actually upsetting for both but I don't know how to sort it :o(