Why is he treating me like this?

Hi, I hope someone can help me with this issue. Five years ago I met a Cancer man. We were friends, but the flirtatious kind. He would send me the loveliest love letters and we spoke to each other daily and spent as much time as possible with each other. We however never defined our friendship and was never intimate. One day he broke our usual meeting time to "study". I later found out that he went out on a date. I was upset and so I blocked all his calls. We later made up but our friendship changed and tapered off soon after that incident. Fast forward 5 years. He moves to my city and contacted me and we rekindled our friendship. We spoke on the phone daily and he made me feel the same way that he used to 5 years ago. It was as though nothing changed. The first time we hung out, we slept together. After the second "round" my emotions consumed me and I told him that I had to leave. I gathered my stuff and practically ran out his apartment. He seemed very upset that night but I needed to get away. I didn't get my usual call the day after, then the day after that, then the day after that. I felt really upset that he'd sleep with me then drop me. I finally called him after about 3 days and he told me that he was busy and stressed out about work and that was why he didn't contact me. He didn't speak to me for about a month and I found out that he was contacting his ex telling her that he loved her. I was devastated. He contacted me the week after that to meet up (I declined) then the week after that and we ended up sleeping together again. Then no contact for another month. He made plans twice after that month then lied to me as to why he has to cancel them. I sent him a message after his last cancellation asking him to be straightforward and honest with me. He pretended as though he didn't know what I was talking about.

It has been 3 months now. I feel stupid and I probably am stupid. But everyday I feel like I am crying internally over this man. I love him... and when we're together we have the best conversations and we feel so comfortable with each other. We shared really private details about ourselves with each other. Yet he treats me so badly.

Should I just drop this cancer man or should I still hold out, hoping that he will come back to me. What is going on?

Not sure if this matters, but I found out that his ex dumped him for good. Also, he's the one who approached me the first time and he's the one who rekindled our friendship the second time. So why doesn't he just "man up" if he wants me. If he doesn't want me, why did he bother trying to contact me again?

Do not sleep with him again please. Do yourself a favor and cut him out for a while. It will hurt and it will be hard but you need space from the situation and he needs to know what it feels like to not have you there for whenever it tickles his fancy. He has an emotional hold on you and cutting him out will let you regain some balance. I know it will be hard but dont do this to yourself. He knows what hes doing to you, hes aware. If he cared enough he wouldnt do it and some space will either make him realize he needs to start treating you like the queen you are or you will slowly realize hes not the one and will find yourself a man that treats you how you deserve.
dont ever be an option in a mans life. ever.

Posted by balancedlibra
Hi, I hope someone can help me with this issue. Five years ago I met a Cancer man. We were friends, but the flirtatious kind. He would send me the loveliest love letters and we spoke to each other daily and spent as much time as possible with each other. We however never defined our friendship and was never intimate. One day he broke our usual meeting time to "study". I later found out that he went out on a date. I was upset and so I blocked all his calls. We later made up but our friendship changed and tapered off soon after that incident. Fast forward 5 years. He moves to my city and contacted me and we rekindled our friendship. We spoke on the phone daily and he made me feel the same way that he used to 5 years ago. It was as though nothing changed. The first time we hung out, we slept together. After the second "round" my emotions consumed me and I told him that I had to leave. I gathered my stuff and practically ran out his apartment. He seemed very upset that night but I needed to get away. I didn't get my usual call the day after, then the day after that, then the day after that. I felt really upset that he'd sleep with me then drop me. I finally called him after about 3 days and he told me that he was busy and stressed out about work and that was why he didn't contact me. He didn't speak to me for about a month and I found out that he was contacting his ex telling her that he loved her. I was devastated. He contacted me the week after that to meet up (I declined) then the week after that and we ended up sleeping together again. Then no contact for another month. He made plans twice after that month then lied to me as to why he has to cancel them. I sent him a message after his last cancellation asking him to be straightforward and honest with me. He pretended as though he didn't know what I was talking about.

It has been 3 months now. I feel stupid and I probably am stupid. But everyday I feel like I am crying internally over this man. I love him... and when we're together we have the best conversations and we feel so comfortable with each other. We shared really private details about ourselves with each other. Yet he treats me so badly.

Should I just drop this cancer man or should I still hold out, hoping that he will come back to me. What is going on?

Not sure if this matters, but I found out that his ex dumped him for good. Also, he's the one who approached me the first time and he's the one who rekindled our friendship the second time. So why doesn't he just "man up" if he wants me. If he doesn't want me, why did he bother trying to contact me again?

forgot to quote you

I'm not hear to judge. But based on experience, IF you really want him to make him miss you and rekindle any chance of a friendship - stop sleeping with him. By the sounds of it, it may be too late if you were hoping for something more.

I wish he'd just reject me outright so that I can forget him. But he doesn't even want to man up and do that. I've never felt this way and a man and the silence is deafening.

I only slept with him on two occasions. I haven't seen him for about a month and he only spoke to me once during that time. I cannot get over the feeling that we are soulmates though...

how about next time he texts, you ask him how he feels. You've already slept with the guy and I'm sure he would be honest. Worst case scenario, he doesn't want to date or pursue you as more than a friend.

Posted by takemeaway
how about next time he texts, you ask him how he feels. You've already slept with the guy and I'm sure he would be honest. Worst case scenario, he doesn't want to date or pursue you as more than a friend.

Agreed, be upfront and ask him how he truly feels. If you want some sort of commitment or exclusivity then ask for it. Dont be afraid to do that in fear of scaring him away. Youve known him long enough and in any case he will respect you for speaking out about what you want. Even if he doesn't give you it. Leave him if he refuses to make you his. Dont ever be someones 'dirty secret'.

I asked him to be honest with me and told him that I'd leave him alone if that's what he wants the last time he blew me off. He just acted like he was confused and didn't know what I was talking about.

When I confronted him before that, after we slept together the first time, he thanked me for being patient with him :/

You made a mistake when you ran away for the first time

@thinktoomuch no he felt insecure, like something was wrong with him and she didn't like him enough. and what you @balancedlibra mean " I needed to get away" ?

Posted by pisceanloves
@thinktoomuch no he felt insecure, like something was wrong with him and she didn't like him enough. and what you @balancedlibra mean " I needed to get away" ?

I believe this was the issue as well. He seemed really hurt.

It's not easy for me to separate the physical and emotional. I felt really emotional after the first time and by the second time I felt overcome with a lot of emotion and I needed to "breathe". I don't mind explaining this to him but I don't know how to bring it up now.

@balancedlibra have you ever received some thoughtful romantic gifts from him?

Posted by balancedlibra
After the second "round" my emotions consumed me and I told him that I had to leave. I gathered my stuff and practically ran out his apartment. He seemed very upset that night but I needed to get away.

*pops up hood* well there's your problem right there.

Posted by pisceanloves
@balancedlibra have you ever received some thoughtful romantic gifts from him?

Never...

Posted by kissmygrits

Posted by balancedlibra
After the second "round" my emotions consumed me and I told him that I had to leave. I gathered my stuff and practically ran out his apartment. He seemed very upset that night but I needed to get away.

*pops up hood* well there's your problem right there.

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How can I fix it?

@balancedlibra I'm so sorry to tell you that honey but he's definitely not into you, I'm truly sorry 😢
ignore him whenever he comes back, if he does be sure he wants just sex. Don't let him to play with you


This might help


http://www.keen.com/CommunityServer/UserBlogPosts/MsLisaM/Cancer-Men/574984.aspx

Just tell him how it is, don't be worried about doing it either, my cancer hubby told me years ago, they need a strong grounding woman to make them feel secure, hence most of them have a strong bond with their mums, if he continues to muck you around after you've shown what a wonderful strong woman you are..dump him, then you will see how he truly feels for you, he wont like you standing up to him, but believe me it will make him think, then after he has sulked for a few days, you will have your answer. I don't dance around my husbands moods any more o did in the beginning, if I did I would be in a mental home by now, we row, he sulks, I ignore him, 3 days later we talk about it and are friends again, that's how we roll and he loves me to bits. You sound like a lovely lady, don't let him treat you like this hun, I'm sure there are plenty of nice guys who would love you how you deserve, don't forget, that great guy is looking for YOU TOO, ask yourself honestly ..Is it him? Or not —?

Posted by balancedlibra
We however never defined our friendship and was never intimate. One day he broke our usual meeting time to "study". I later found out that he went out on a date. I was upset and so I blocked all his calls. We later made up but our friendship changed and tapered off soon after that incident.

OP, do you see anything *odd* here? No definition of boundaries, no established "relationship", and yet you got upset and treated the guy like he cheated on you. Taking the title of your thread: how can he treat me this way, perhaps you should ponder on that a while. When I read this, I already saw the potential train wreck coming.

Fast forward 5 years.......The first time we hung out, we slept together. After the second "round" my emotions consumed me and I told him that I had to leave. I gathered my stuff and practically ran out his apartment. He seemed very upset that night but I needed to get away. I didn't get my usual call the day after, then the day after that, then the day after that. I felt really upset that he'd sleep with me then drop me.

Have you asked yourself why you slept with him? Was there any bit of "maybe if I do this he'll stick around"? And the second time, you run out on him, notice he is upset, and then because he doesn't contact you its "he" who dropped you?

Should I just drop this cancer man or should I still hold out, hoping that he will come back to me.

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Sounds like you already dropped him, twice. Its going to sound harsh, but maybe you should consider your own missteps before projecting on him. If he has any sense, he probably won't come back to you. Twice bitten, thrice shy.

Thank you for the responses. They're greatly appreciated.

Posted by piscespoppy
You sound like a lovely lady, don't let him treat you like this hun, I'm sure there are plenty of nice guys who would love you how you deserve, don't forget, that great guy is looking for YOU TOO, ask yourself honestly ..Is it him? Or not —?

I do have a really nice guy who is pursuing me and doing all the right things but I do not feel the same way about him and do not want to lead him on.

Posted by CancerOnTheCusp

Posted by balancedlibra
We however never defined our friendship and was never intimate. One day he broke our usual meeting time to "study". I later found out that he went out on a date. I was upset and so I blocked all his calls. We later made up but our friendship changed and tapered off soon after that incident.

OP, do you see anything *odd* here? No definition of boundaries, no established "relationship", and yet you got upset and treated the guy like he cheated on you. Taking the title of your thread: how can he treat me this way, perhaps you should ponder on that a while. When I read this, I already saw the potential train wreck coming.

Fast forward 5 years.......The first time we hung out, we slept together. After the second "round" my emotions consumed me and I told him that I had to leave. I gathered my stuff and practically ran out his apartment. He seemed very upset that night but I needed to get away. I didn't get my usual call the day after, then the day after that, then the day after that. I felt really upset that he'd sleep with me then drop me.

Have you asked yourself why you slept with him? Was there any bit of "maybe if I do this he'll stick around"? And the second time, you run out on him, notice he is upset, and then because he doesn't contact you its "he" who dropped you?

Should I just drop this cancer man or should I still hold out, hoping that he will come back to me.

Sounds like you already dropped him, twice. Its going to sound harsh, but maybe you should consider your own missteps before projecting on him. If he has any sense, he probably won't come back to you. Twice bitten, thrice shy.

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I was upset that he lied to me. He could've just said he was going on a date instead of lying to me and telling me that he was tired and will be sleeping.

I'm pretty rational... well mostly... so I slept with him knowing that it may just be that and nothing more. However, I really couldn't control how I felt after. Then after round 2 I really felt overwhelmed emotionally about the entire situation. After all, I'm being vulnerable with a man I'm not in a relationship with.

I honestly thought that owing to our friendship he wouldn't treat me like trash.

Though I know all of this, I've already fallen for him and I just want him to be honest with the way he feels about me. If he tells me that he doesn't feel the same way about me, I'll force myself to forget about him. But right now, all my sense of logic is out the window and I'm in love with him.

Oh God...been there...run, baby girl, run!!! :/

Most of what you are feeling is that awful yearning of wanting something we cant have, been there loads of times, the connection you feel will fade too in time. Keep busy, find new hobbies, put yourself in social situations where you can meet people and find new connections, believe me ive been in similar situations before, it all fades away in time and you will find other lovely connections..ok x

Posted by Arielle83
I totally understand why he isn't interested by everything you wrote.

You need a lot of validation and care after you fuck, so much that if he doesn't treat you, to your standards, you then reject him.

He moves on and misses the ex.

Then you fuck him and act weird again.

Do you have a mouth you can use for speaking, or do you just passive aggressively fuck and block when you don't get your routine phone call?

Can any man deal with your behaviour?

We always miss the one we love when we deal with unstable idiots.

A bit harsh... but I understand where you're coming from... This is the first time I've had casual sex and it was stupid on my part. I've also never had a guy to treat me like this. I'm accustomed to having my feelings protected etc. not just dropped and ignored.

Posted by piscespoppy
Most of what you are feeling is that awful yearning of wanting something we cant have, been there loads of times, the connection you feel will fade too in time. Keep busy, find new hobbies, put yourself in social situations where you can meet people and find new connections, believe me ive been in similar situations before, it all fades away in time and you will find other lovely connections..ok x

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I hope it does... thanks

Posted by Arielle83
I just read what you wrote and tried to see you how he does.

You aren't direct or clear because you're making moves based on how he makes you feel.

You probably look hot and cold as well.

When we aren't getting what we need from someone we always think of the one before.

You're behaviour wouldn't make me feel comfortable around you.

Always leaving etc. there's no stability or trust being developed.

Is their anyway I can salvage this? I would even be grateful if just he outright rejects me.

Posted by balancedlibra

Posted by Arielle83
I just read what you wrote and tried to see you how he does.

You aren't direct or clear because you're making moves based on how he makes you feel.

You probably look hot and cold as well.

When we aren't getting what we need from someone we always think of the one before.

You're behaviour wouldn't make me feel comfortable around you.

Always leaving etc. there's no stability or trust being developed.

Is their anyway I can salvage this? I would even be grateful if just he outright rejects me.

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SInce you obviously seem to have problems saying it out loud, just show him this thread.

Posted by GuardianAnu

SInce you obviously seem to have problems saying it out loud, just show him this thread.

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I'm quite aware that I'm coming across as love sick, desperate and a bit crazy. Not a good look lol

I guess next time he calls me, I should probably tell him if he doesn't flake and we actually meet up face to face... I just didn't know if it'll scare him off since he's not upfront with me even though I've asked him before.

Posted by balancedlibra

Posted by GuardianAnu

SInce you obviously seem to have problems saying it out loud, just show him this thread.

I'm quite aware that I'm coming across as love sick, desperate and a bit crazy. Not a good look lol

I guess next time he calls me, I should probably tell him if he doesn't flake and we actually meet up face to face... I just didn't know if it'll scare him off since he's not upfront with me even though I've asked him before.

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So if he is not upfront with you and you, (correct me if I am wrong) can't be upfront with him, avoid confrontation, etc, how do you suppose you are going to ever get anywhere with this guy? I can't help but wonder if he canceled to go on a date because he felt like he was doing all the work with romancing. If a guy feels like he is not needed or appreciated, he will go elsewhere... even if he loves that person deeply. I'm not one for showering someone with poetry and romance, but I am very physically affectionate and also show it in making them comfortable and cooking for them. I know when you get burned it is hard to let yourself be vulnerable like that again, especially if you felt you got burned by the same guy you want to make things work with, since obviously even five years after you guys hadn't seen each other and you run off, you don't trust him. He doesn't sound like he is going to give you an opportunity to, either. 😢

Posted by balancedlibra
I honestly thought that owing to our friendship he wouldn't treat me like trash.

Have you considered that having been intimate with him and then run out the second time, and having "punished" him with the date thing, he might feel that you took advantage of the friendship between you two?
For all the vaunted crap on this site about air signs being communicators, it might have helped if you had told him you were overwhelmed. Crabs are surprisingly receptive to straight up talk.
I suspect now he's not thinking too highly of things regarding you two.

Posted by balancedlibra
So why doesn't he just "man up" if he wants me. If he doesn't want me, why did he bother trying to contact me again?

He doesn't need to "man up" to have you. He's literally fucked you over and your still wrapped around his finger. It's been 3 months and your still consumed by thoughts of him.

To answer your question of, why is he treating me like this? It is because you ALLOW it.

Ha! I got heartbroken by a cancer and I'm a libra. He fooled me into thinking I was the one, wanted to get a place together, and a lot of talks about the future. We broke up hastily and he moved on just as quickly. Blocked on all social media too.

You never had a committed relationship. Committed relationships (in all 3 bodies) hold water when it comes to cancer-like people. Cancer-like people love to romance and when all the eggs aren't in the same basket, things get ugly. I'm not blaming you or him. I think blunt boundaries stop the cancer shelling thing. But I don't think you should have sex with him.

Thank you for all the responses, they're appreciated.

I agree that he never liked me... far less loved me. I was just a convenient to sleep with at the time. We probably even have different views on friendship. It's hard speaking to someone daily for the entire day for two months and then for them to just drop you the minute you sleep with them. But you live and learn. I'll just have to get over him and move on.

Thanks again.