Aries gal Cap guy-post breakup insight?

Hey y'all. I've been indulging in posts on this forum, and respect all of your opinions and insight.*The beginning- Cap Male messaged me via Instagram and Facebook. He was visiting my town on business and wanted to meet up on New Years Eve. I ignored the advances, until I saw that we had very similar life styles and interests. I agree to meet up before work one night, without any love interest (I had been single 10 months until this point). After mentioning that I considered this a date, he asked to kiss me. I was incredibly awkward, but he found it cute. Afraid I would not see him again, I asked for the key to his motel room. It was the first time I had been intimate in nearly a year, he made me feel incredibly comfortable. After his return home, he was very persistent in telling me how he felt, sent me a huge bouquet of roses straight away(said he never had done that before) and instantly booked a flight back to see me, the following month. He texted me all day, every day, even as I slept. He asked me to be his girl.. I went to visit him twice, things were great. He said I was his Universe, and best thing to have happened to him. We speak of me eventually moving to his town. The Crisis: He starts becoming more distant, texts are more few and far between, less phone calls (I could always tell he hated phone calls, but would always initiate them in the beginning). Before the move, my plan was to visit back to my home town, to record an album with the band I'm in, and save up for a month. As soon as I get back to my hometown, he calls and dumps me. Says he loves me and I did everything right, that there's no one else, that we need a break from one another and states that he's a mess right now and very busy with work. It took him nearly a week to change his status online, he then said that he may as well just finish it off and change it. I respect this and have given space. It's been over a month, he still texts and says he misses me. The other day I flat out said that I want to come see him next month, he agrees to pick the dates, but we've yet to confirm. Talk of "'us" hasn't returned, but we have remained friends.I initiated the visit, I feel that he should take the rest of the lead if he's interested. I sent him a thoughtful gift the other week and check in to see how he's doing. He's busy and may have gotten cold feet. I suppose I'll get my closure or a better idea if this visit happens. Thanks for reading

I'm an Aries-Sun, Moon-Gem, Saturn-Cap, Uranus-Cap, Neptune-Cap, Jupiter- Taurus, Lilith-Leo Pluto-Scorpio, Asc-Pisces, Venus- Tauras and if I did my digging right, he's Sun-Cap, Mercury-Cap, Moon-Pisces, Mars-Pices, Jupiter-Sag, Saturn- Scorpio, Uranus- Sag, Neptune- Sag, Pluto-Libra, Lilith-Cap, ASC- Cancer. **

I did. I've read this is a no no. I had been single and not on a date in about a year. I told him this and wasn't expecting to be intimate, but it happened. We never fought or had any trust issues during out long distance relationship, but perhaps this affected things somehow. Either way, can't change the past and I've proven myself to be an honest and loyal lover. I should also add, that I'm
27, he 32. My birthday is March 24 and his is Jan. 19th

Perhaps. We were together 5 months after the sex. I've thought about that too. I figured hep ed too fast and withdrew once comfortable, or because he was losing interest. He did also mention, that he thought long and hard for an entire month before breaking up With me... which proves he cares but ultimately decided that is wasn't worth it to him to continue on. Thank you for your insight. I just don't want to set a trap for myself, by flying down there. That's why I think I should back off, since I was the initiator about the visit. Hell either take the lead or disappear.

I was also hesitant to post this as it is do personal, but he is also twice divorced.

I've thought that as well. Him Stating he missed me, I believe to be true as it's all on his end, but that don't mean that he wants to be with me, even if he loves me. The relationship was in person, as well. We saw one another once, twice a month. Thank you for your comments!

He also introduced me to all of his very close friend and his family. I still keep in touch with his teenage sister and if I do visit him, will be volunteering at his Mothers non profit organization during the day. I'm wondering if I need to just back off? I laid down the ground work, if he interested, he'll come? If he doesn't, then that's enough of an answer to me.

Dang it, my quote idea didn't work at all like I wanted it to.

Posted by Moonagedaydream77
He also introduced me to all of his very close friend and his family. I still keep in touch with his teenage sister and if I do visit him, will be volunteering at his Mothers non profit organization during the day. I'm wondering if I need to just back off? I laid down the ground work, if he interested, he'll come? If he doesn't, then that's enough of an answer to me.

See, here's the problem. YOU laid down all the ground work. That's the man's job. And cap men are traditional, whether they admit it or not. They want to be the ones initiating and persuing. They like to earn what they have, and you've just given it all out without making him earn it. You made it too easy for him. I am afraid, he's moved on to the next conquest, the next mountain to climb in goat speak.

Twice divorced at 32? That's impressive. Do you know what happened? Maybe that's what's holding him back from moving to fast or at all. Maybe he learned something? Or...maybe he didn't learn anything...? And if you have any interest at all with in guy, you need to find out which one and how it affected him.

In a general sense, I don't think there's anything wrong with a woman taking initiative, but truth is, often guys can indeed feel threatened or robbed of the opportunity, and only judging from your posts, I would probably step back just a little and let him lead a bit...just as you claim you're doing.

@Elani I think the communication barrier and our lack of seeing one another in person as much as we would like to, def. stunted our growth. We did brush on marriage, kids and before the breakup, he mentioned getting a puppy and a bigger house together. I can see it as not being productive enough, since it was long distance and we sort of missed out on a lot of conversation, due to his lack of feeling comfortable with opening up period, especially via phone. My moving, I really thought that things would turn for the better and I could really start to earn that trust, but yea, he def. Must have seen something that made him realize that future won't be with me. The more I think about it, maybe he is just trying to let me down easy.

@TrueCap thank you for your Cappy wisdom. I always like your comments. I work in a tshirt shop, and sent him a handmade shirt and a comic book, along with a little magnet for his friend I got along with. Guess it's just in my nature. I like to do things for the people I care for, but as you said, maybe it backfired. If I love someone, I try my best to make it work, so maybe I did take the thrill away. The long distance just made things do difficult, but he was the chaser in the beginning, which I loved. Do you think this is probably it? For the trip, I'm
Thinking that I should allow him to bring it up and make it as if he planned the whole thing? I'm assuming, that once their mind is made up, that's it. I'd it normal for a Cap to want to remain friends after a breakup? I know he cares, but just because he loves me, doesn't mean he's in love. After a Cap has reached the top of their Mountain, is there a possibility they may try and conquer it again?

I agree about the trip. I'll just drop it. It will become obvious if he's interested and I was afraid that exact thing about the no closure would happen in person anyway. If anything happens and he put the work into the planning, I would go. I def. would not sleep with him.

Thanks HappyCapper. When he told me that he was married before, I did ask what happened. He didn't really get into it. He said the first marriage they were really young, and the second, they loved each other so so much, but made bad decisions together. I could tell it was uncomfortable for him to talk about, his energy changed and he kinda clamped up, I didn't bring it up again. The distance really took it's toll and I think deprived is of a lot of necessary communication for any relationship. Besides for backing off, is there anything I could do? I do care about him outside if the relationship, is it a nono to ask him how his day is going or about work? Or should I wait until he comes to me?

Do I tell him how I'm feeling and that I'm backing down being such an initiator? Or is it best, to just keep it as is and allow him to wonder?

I'd not say anything and observe and see what he does, if he initates. I don't think you need to be obvious about telling him. I'd be friendly if he contacts you and let him know you are happy to hear from him.

My old fashioned way is to let the man do 75% of initiating contact, but you have to let them know you were happy they did. Then iniate contact myself about every 4th time. I still do this and I'm in a long term relationship. Just my way.

I can understand that you may not want to talk about things as intimate as your marriages and how and why they ended and what you learnt from that right away, but I truly think that if there is going to be any progress between the two of you, you are going to need to deal with that conversation. And judging by your OP with him shouting out big words faaast and his two marriages and divorces, I am going to guess that he is quite an impulsive man and if I were you, I would want to know just how impulsive.

"Besides for backing off, is there anything I could do?"
Honestly, my answer to that is no. Not at this point.

"I do care about him outside if the relationship, is it a nono to ask him how his day is going or about work?"
I wouldn't initiate a lot of contact(some, yes, but I do feel that he needs to take the lead at this point. That will also give you a lot of information about his wishes for your future/non-future together), but if he contacts you, I can't see any harm in being friendly, so if you want to know about his day, I think you should ask him about that like any friend would do.

Everyone had really given me a better perspective on this and I really appreciate it so much. Thank you for everything you've said TrueCap and HapperCapper, this has really made a light click in my head.

has given

Posted by truecap
I'd not say anything and observe and see what he does, if he initates. I don't think you need to be obvious about telling him. I'd be friendly if he contacts you and let him know you are happy to hear from him.

My old fashioned way is to let the man do 75% of initiating contact, but you have to let them know you were happy they did. Then iniate contact myself about every 4th time. I still do this and I'm in a long term relationship. Just my way.

Truecap, I wish I had your patience girl 🙂 impressive!

To the OP, it's true, Caps like to lead and initiate but not in the same way as cardinal Aries. They are slow and methodical about it. They plan everything very carefully and are not typically spontaneous. It's a way for them to feel comfortable and in control of their surroundings.

If a Cap is into you, a simple "let's do more XYZ stuff sometime" will be enough to get him going. It might not happen right away, but he will be paying attention and planning what's feasible.

Thank you for that, SunMoonStars. As an update. For the past few weeks, it's obvious that he's been seeing someone. I flat out ask him and he says that he's been dating. He stated that he didn't want to be in a Monogamous relationship.. I was informed by a close friend that people were pretty taken aback when he started dating me, as he isn't the relationship type (wish I had known). I told him that I need my things back (an entire suitcase worth, records, etc) and he didn't respond to that, but to everything else. I'm sickened that he was going to go along with me coming there, amidst this dating spree!!! Ihow selfish! I was trying to get him to understand where I'm coming from, but he just kept saying he didn't want to talk while I was angry.

He isn't the relationship type? He married twice! Okay, that's neither here nor there, so let's forget that.

But I've gotta say: pretty darn disrespectful not to inform you, imo. And it suited him not to answer when you wanted your things back? Really? Cringeworthy. Glad got out as soon as you did!

A comment like doesn't want to be in a monogamous relationship Judy might give you a good clue why he was divorced twice.