Cap bf scared and I don't know how to help him.

Hey Caps. Sorry about asking so many questions all the time, but I really want to be good to this guy and not mess anything up if I can avoid it.

We were talking on Thursday in the car casually, and we eventually got to a discussion in which he told me that there's a reason he hasn't really been out about us being together. His freshman year, he got into something with a girl, but apparently they both got busy and stopped talking to each other, drifted apart, and mutually agreed to break up. He hasn't made us official cause he said we might be too busy in the fall and we won't be able to talk.

I registered this as "I actually just wanted to date you for the summer and I intend to end things in the fall." He meant for me to register "I'm really scared of getting hurt again so I'm waiting to see how things go." Maybe it's my sun and venus scorp, but I think if you really want someone in your life, you make time for them no matter what. I could tell there was a hurt undertone in what he said. I was also angry, mostly because the way I had registered it, I felt as if I was being led on, for him to openly say I haven't made it official because chances are we won't work in the fall (again, this is how I registered it). I don't think it's a good idea to start something new with a negative attitude, or fear, cause then you can actually doom the relationship.

I told him this: "I don't make bullpoop commitments in relationships. I don't really date for the sake of dating, never have. So, when I decided I wanted to date just you, I understood what that entailed, and I understand we're both pre-health, and what THAT entails. In other words, I will always 100% make time for you regardless. If I'm gonna be in a relationship with someone, I'm gonna be in a relationship, and everything that involves and entails. Maybe I'm just optimistic and hope that everything can be worked through, but I'm a fighter, that's just who I am. Not gonna lie, definitely a little upset with you." I tried to do my best to show him I was upset, but that I'm not gonna do what his last girlfriend did.

His response: "Understandable, still stand by what I said though. My past experiences have shown me one thing, so this time around I'm more cautious before completely committing. Still exclusive and aiming for the long run, but I'm not going to jump on a wagon unless I absolutely know for sure it will work."

I was trying to calm myself down as I had gotten a great deal of anxiety over how I perceived what he said, and hadn't yet replied to his response, when he said, "Please understand though that I am 100% in this and will work to make it work. I'm optimistic for this as well."

Per usual with my posts, we're fine now, but I want to know what I can do or say to prove to this Cap that this won't be history repeating itself. What can I do now, or in a few weeks when school starts, to prove to him I'm not gonna jump ship or abandon him because of school. I firmly believe, always have, that people make time for what they want, and I will make time for him. Is there anything I can do to ease his worries/stop his doubts?

Seems like he thinks you're pushing for too much too soon and he's undecided about you and giving himself an out for the future.

Just remember what he said and don't get mad if it doesn't work out. He's being honest and telling you where his head is right now. Respect that.

Don't let your insecurity get to you, because who knows, it might work out afterall.

Actually it sounds positive. Brutally honest, but still positive.

Posted by truecap
Seems like he thinks you're pushing for too much too soon and he's undecided about you and giving himself an out for the future.

Just remember what he said and don't get mad if it doesn't work out. He's being honest and telling you where his head is right now. Respect that.

Don't let your insecurity get to you, because who knows, it might work out afterall.

Thanks for a quick reply, truecap. I'm really trying not to push for too much too soon, as I didn't ask him to be exclusive. To be fair, neither did he, but as I've mentioned in other posts, I decided to date only him as he said he dates only one girl at a time and I didn't want to be unfair or gallavant around with other guys and have him think I didn't care about him.

I'm gonna remember it, trust me. Not in a negative sense, per say, but it left me with a bad taste in my mouth, no doubt about that. And I agree, can't hate on him for being honest with me. Definitely much easier to deal with then him dumping me out of nowhere in the future, it does show how he cares about me enough to tell me.

I'm gonna work hard at still giving him 10% as I'm supposed to do anyways. Hopefully it does work out.

Posted by truecap
Actually it sounds positive. Brutally honest, but still positive.

LMAO, I meant to put 100% and only put 10% . My bad.

I'm glad to hear you think it's brutally honest positivity. It did seem like a little bit of a mixed message in a way, as he said he's not being out about us because we might not work out when school starts, but still saying he's optimistic about things and is still exclusive with me and is still going to be 100% in this. I'm hoping based on how he replied that this is really more about him getting hurt like what happened last time, a fear response, and not so much him just giving himself an out.

Do NOT reassure a Cap male that you'll always be around until he makes it official. Anything other than taking him at his word at this point will put you in a risky position. I understand the Scorp method of go hard or go home. I actually LOVE that about Scorps, but not everyone is like that and it's possible to respect your differences in how you approach life and relationships. It's all about what you want to do at this point, but you can't and won't change his mind or plans to be cautious this time around.

Posted by MsTeeq1974
Do NOT reassure a Cap male that you'll always be around until he makes it official. Anything other than taking him at his word at this point will put you in a risky position. I understand the Scorp method of go hard or go home. I actually LOVE that about Scorps, but not everyone is like that and it's possible to respect your differences in how you approach life and relationships. It's all about what you want to do at this point, but you can't and won't change his mind or plans to be cautious this time around.

I can definitely do a 180 on this if necessary, but I wouldn't know how. Why shouldn't I reassure him though? To me, it just sounded like he got scared from his last experience.
Does plans to be cautious imply that I should be preparing for him to dump me? I'd rather play my cards first and ditch if at the end of the day he's gonna take advantage of me until school starts.

Actually, no. I should't react that way.

It doesn't matter if it's a week from now or a year from now, most relationships at my age don't end in a marriage. Fuck it, may as well stick it out, cause I'm gonna get hurt when we break up either way.

Yes, that's a healthy and mature way to look at it.

It's no wonder you're here, freaking out like you are.

"He's scared" is one of the biggest lies women tell themselves.