Cap disappearing act

Hello, I'm new to this site but I was wondering if anyone has had a cap disappear on them and what it means ? I have not reached out to him since he has done this but it been a week and I'm not sure what's going on . He has been stressed out with work / bodybuilding training and said some pretty mean things ( I'm like distraction right now , seem needy ) in a little argument we had so I pulled back and he apologized the next day . He said he was sorry and that he didn't mean to make me feel unwanted or that he doesn't have feelings for me because he does . He said he just had a long week .But I have not heard from him since.. Again, I have not tried to reach him either but I'm not sure if this means he is done or what . We have been dating for 4 months now . The story is much longer but I'm just trying to find out if I'm doing the right thing .

Oh, and I forgot to add I did say ok to his apology text but just thought he would follow up with something but nothing .

Also, would they be straight forward if they wanted to end things ? I have read they can be pretty straight forward I'm just so confused , never had anyone do this .. Thanks

Posted by sag 17
Hello, I'm new to this site but I was wondering if anyone has had a cap disappear on them and what it means ? I have not reached out to him since he has done this but it been a week and I'm not sure what's going on . He has been stressed out with work / bodybuilding training and said some pretty mean things ( I'm like distraction right now , seem needy ) in a little argument we had so I pulled back and he apologized the next day . He said he was sorry and that he didn't mean to make me feel unwanted or that he doesn't have feelings for me because he does . He said he just had a long week .But I have not heard from him since.. Again, I have not tried to reach him either but I'm not sure if this means he is done or what . We have been dating for 4 months now . The story is much longer but I'm just trying to find out if I'm doing the right thing .

Hi sag17,

From my past experiences with Cap men, they tend to vanish when going through stressful times in their lives. That's partly because they are natural worriers and are very responsible, therefore they want to make sure all their bases are covered and all their issues have been taken care of before coming out of hibernation. Not to worry, they tend to re-appear once they are back to normal. If you really are worried then perhaps you could shoot him a quick text to see how he's doing? Caps are not the type to ignore texts/ccalls, they may just be slower at responding if they are pre-occupied.

Ok, he just seemed so annoyed with me for know reason. I felt like he was projecting on to me but to be honest he was pretty harsh . That's the only reason I haven't reached out because he said I was a distraction ( that hurt actually ) he is in the last 6 weeks of this bodybuilding trying . I accept his apology but I am wondering why he hasn't called me . I just don't want him to think he can treat or talk to me any way he pleases .

Posted by sag 17
Ok, he just seemed so annoyed with me for know reason. I felt like he was projecting on to me but to be honest he was pretty harsh . That's the only reason I haven't reached out because he said I was a distraction ( that hurt actually ) he is in the last 6 weeks of this bodybuilding trying . I accept his apology but I am wondering why he hasn't called me . I just don't want him to think he can treat or talk to me any way he pleases .

It just sounds like he has a lot on his plate at the moment so you can either totally give him his space until you hear from him again or he completes his body building training or else check in with him with the risk of feeling unwelcomed again (if the latter is the case then perhaps you should ask yourself whether in the long run you can be with someone who has a tendency to pull away when times get stressful...). Good luck!

Posted by sag 17
Ok, he just seemed so annoyed with me for know reason. I felt like he was projecting on to me but to be honest he was pretty harsh . That's the only reason I haven't reached out because he said I was a distraction ( that hurt actually ) he is in the last 6 weeks of this bodybuilding trying . I accept his apology but I am wondering why he hasn't called me . I just don't want him to think he can treat or talk to me any way he pleases .

It just sounds like he has a lot on his plate at the moment so you can either totally give him his space until you hear from him again or he completes his body building training or else check in with him with the risk of feeling unwelcomed again (if the latter is the case then perhaps you should ask yourself whether in the long run you can be with someone who has a tendency to pull away when times get stressful...). Good luck!

Roid. Rage.

Thank you for the advice . I just thought it would be a couple of days not a week . Are they pretty straight forward people or would they lie and then hope you get the hint ? Also feeling very vulnerable because in that last convo I told him I cared about him a lot .. Nothing heavy just that I have grown to care about him a lot .Meaning if they don't see a relationship working out will they just tell you ? I'm only asking because in that conversation , like I said he did seem rather mean and I felt like wooh wait what are you say ing ?? And he said "your taking this the wrong way I'm not saying I don't want to talk to you anymore or that I don't want to see you anymore but then he
disappears". Do you think he is being honest with his comment and his apology ? I read all this stuff about caps and read they will just disappear sometimes and you will never know why if they are not really into to you .

Hi Rocky , I did think about that but he said he does it clean . I don't know ..

Vesperlynd83, have you had a cap disappear this long before ?

Posted by sag 17
Thank you for the advice . I just thought it would be a couple of days not a week . Are they pretty straight forward people or would they lie and then hope you get the hint ? Also feeling very vulnerable because in that last convo I told him I cared about him a lot .. Nothing heavy just that I have grown to care about him a lot .Meaning if they don't see a relationship working out will they just tell you ? I'm only asking because in that conversation , like I said he did seem rather mean and I felt like wooh wait what are you say ing ?? And he said "your taking this the wrong way I'm not saying I don't want to talk to you anymore or that I don't want to see you anymore but then he
disappears". Do you think he is being honest with his comment and his apology ? I read all this stuff about caps and read they will just disappear sometimes and you will never know why if they are not really into to you .

Yes I believe he was being honest with his comment and apology. The Cap men I have met have not come across as liars but they do get moody when going through busy/stressful times hence maybe why he came off as somewhat cold and distant the last time you two spoke. If he did not want to see you anymore then I believe he would have been straight up with you in a polite manner.

Posted by sag 17
Vesperlynd83, have you had a cap disappear this long before ?

Hi sag 17,

Yes somewhat - my situation was slightly different than yours but yes I had a Cap guy vanish for a little while when we used to talk everyday. He was busy travelling for work and was quite stressed about a few things going on in his life. We talked things out once he sorted out his issues and I just came to realize that that's the way he is. Usually consistent until sh*t hits the fan. We also stopped talking for about a month or two due to something else that happened between us and he ended up contacting me asking why he never heard from me... so I'd say your guy will be re-appearing once he has all his matters taken care of. I guess this just gives you some time to think about whether you're able to put up with this type of behaviour from time to time.

Thank you for responding, I was starting to think it was a reflection of him not caring about me .. He is always so closed off .. So he is hard to read at times .. I'm just going to try and give him space . Just miss him .._— but don't want to push or seem needy .

So if I shouldn't be concerned with the silence now, when should I be ?

Don't be worried and you did the right thing to give him some space. If he don't call you in maybe another week you should reach out to him to see how he's doing. Don't never panic about a Capricorn actions. Be able to handle every thing he throw at you.The more trust he developed in yall relationship the better off you will be. They have a natural tendency to pull away at times but they will come back.

Don't be worried and you did the right thing to give him some space. If he don't call you in maybe another week you should reach out to him to see how he's doing. Don't never panic about a Capricorn actions. Be able to handle every thing he throw at you.The more trust he developed in yall relationship the better off you will be. They have a natural tendency to pull away at times but they will come back.

Posted by sag 17
Thank you for responding, I was starting to think it was a reflection of him not caring about me .. He is always so closed off .. So he is hard to read at times .. I'm just going to try and give him space . Just miss him .._— but don't want to push or seem needy .

That's totally understandable, I'm sure anyone in your position would miss him. I don't think you're being needy at all in this case because a week is a substantial amount of time to go on without contact. Just keep yourself busy and let him come back to you when he's ready.

Posted by sag 17
So if I shouldn't be concerned with the silence now, when should I be ?

I think you will know your limit when you reach it... it may be in the next few days if you still don't hear from him and you start to question whether you can accept this going forward or it may be a future instance when something similar happens again.

Thanks you guys .. Really appreciate the responses . I like him a lot .. So we will see .. Him saying he has feelings for me is the first time in months he shared anything about feelings .

Holy crap, faith came back around? Protect your eyes!

Posted by sag 17
Also, would they be straight forward if they wanted to end things ? I have read they can be pretty straight forward I'm just so confused , never had anyone do this .. Thanks

Sorry to hear that he has disappeared!

If he said that you seem needy etc. take him seriously and see if you can change that, if not find someone who can handle it. Seems to me like he is testing you and going through his own problems.

However if he tries to take his day out on you, let him know that is not cool.

To be fair, when they are stressed it is very easy for them to have a one track mind. Take the time to keep busy and do your thing. If he had feelings for you he will be back. As for if you should reach out again...i say no. Let him come to you. Good luck!

SunMoonStars, thank you. So when you say testing, do you mean he is doing this on purpose to see if I will get upset with him and start blowing his phone up ? It just seems like the things that he thought were cute in the begininng are now needy ( texting/calling). But I will not contact him .

Yes i think he is testing that, do u think u have been calling or texting him too much?

Is it the same amount as before?

same amount as before, he was calling and texting alot as well but it seems since he started this bodybuilding training he has been so moody to me. I am extremely busy as well but he owns his own business , so yes I have more free time and its nothing for me to say how is your day or good morning but that picturaly day i did text and call and I don't know if that was to much but i felt like he just projected his whole week of frustration on me. I am trying so hard to stay positive but its hard..if he has feelings and that was what he said then why not even see how Im doing ? he is very blunt but i am too so i like it but I did not get the impression he was ending things but I have gone this long without hearing something from him.

I have not gone( I mean't)

I can't help but think did he meet someone else ?

If I disappear on someone its because I'm not interested.

Posted by champranger

Posted by sag 17
SunMoonStars, thank you. So when you say testing, do you mean he is doing this on purpose to see if I will get upset with him and start blowing his phone up ? It just seems like the things that he thought were cute in the begininng are now needy ( texting/calling). But I will not contact him .

Doubt it. But he would probably observe to see how you are when he gets really busy.

click to expand

testing is setting up scenarios to see how someone reacts. Caps dont do this. Consciously anyway. What we do do is observe how people react in situations that happen in real life. Such as how does someone treat strangers, waiters, animals, family. Are they responsibke? Do thier actions match their words? Are they respected? Are they reliable? Are they financially responsible? We want to know their character, strengths, weaknesses. We need to know they are stable and drama free. But we dont set out to purposely test.

Caps need independent people who can handle lifes curves with dignity and logic. Must be rational.

Posted by truecap
If I disappear on someone its because I'm not interested.

Logic not fueled by irrational estrogen making excuses for crappy behavior! omgz.

Posted by rockyroadicecream

Posted by truecap
If I disappear on someone its because I'm not interested.

Logic not fueled by irrational estrogen making excuses for crappy behavior! omgz.

click to expand

its as simple as that though. If they disappear its becuse they arent interested and dont care about your feelings. A cap will make time for someone they are into.

Noooo...don't read too negatively into his actions.

Its been 4 months? That's not the longest amount of time, but it's long enough for him to be considerate and end things if that's what he wanted to do.

I honestly think, from reading your story, that he is stressed. It seems you've only seen a change in his behavior since the bodybuilding thing, and if this is his last week, just let him concentrate and focus, then kind of check on him. I think he'll come back around.

Imo, we are not the best multitaskers, especially when stressed. One-track-minded. Just try not to let it worry you, and yes...Caps can project their frustration on others. You have to call them out on their nonsense when they do that. Don't be equally mean, just let him know you are aware of what's going on and it's not going to happen.

Inana04, the competition isn't until the end of June . It's been 10 days and I'm sure my emotions are heightened because of losing sister but this just seems cruel to tell someone you do want them and you do have feelings only just disappear and do what you say you weren't doing.. I feel like he just lied because he wasn't man enough to say it was done . I mean he is 40 years old .. I don't know but I believed him when he said those things and when he stated that he wasn't saying he didn't want to see me or talk anymore .. And then he did that very thing .

Will I seem needy if I contact him and asked why I haven't heard from him ?

Posted by sag 17
Will I seem needy if I contact him and asked why I haven't heard from him ?

yaaaa 😉

Ok, so frustrating

Posted by sag 17
Ok, so frustrating

isn't is more frustrating contacting him with no reply?

pick which one you want but I would pick the one where I'm not groveling

Posted by aquapiscescusp

Posted by sag 17
Will I seem needy if I contact him and asked why I haven't heard from him ?

yaaaa 😉

click to expand

That is a relationshp killer right there.
Don't ever, ever, ever let a man you are just dating think you're waiting around for his call.

When you do hear from him, he knows its been a while, be happy to hear his voice. Let him think you've been busy and haven't even noticed he hasn't called in a while. If you act in a way that makes him feel punished, he will be more reluctant to contact you again.

You guys are right !

It just gets hard in moments .. Especially when your use to having some sort of communication everyday .

Some capricorns can be one sighted, goal oriented and task oriented. I have thought on this and he probably is just really concentrating on his goal there. It's probably not personal. However, how you handle it, is personal, so be the confident care free lady he likes. Don't be the resentful, angry woman he won't like. Live your life, don't put all your eggs in one basket and don't forget to check out other single men (doesn't mean you have to date them, but don't ignore them either).

And isn't it better to let him sweat to think while he hasn't been contacting you, you've been living single and carefree, instead of you sweating because he hasn't called? You don't tell him this but what counts is all in your attitude. If you contact him, he will think you have nothing better to do than wait for his call and he will stop putting out effort and will take you for granted. If you contact him, then he has all the power because you have given it to him. Take your own power, know your worth. Best ammo is to present the attitude that you were too busy to even notice he hasn't contacted you.

Posted by sag 17
It just gets hard in moments .. Especially when your use to having some sort of communication everyday .

Yes it does!!!

Thank you , your right . Because up to that point he was inviting me over at least twice a week and cooking for me . But I don't want to come across like I have just been waiting around . I do have a demanding job but a time I have lags and get a little emotional about the silence but I always wonder does it bother him that I haven't contacted him either ? And is it that they just don't care or not realize that disappearing on people can be hurtful —. I'm not saying a day or so but almost two weeks ?

Posted by sag 17
Thank you , your right . Because up to that point he was inviting me over at least twice a week and cooking for me . But I don't want to come across like I have just been waiting around . I do have a demanding job but a time I have lags and get a little emotional about the silence but I always wonder does it bother him that I haven't contacted him either ? And is it that they just don't care or not realize that disappearing on people can be hurtful —. I'm not saying a day or so but almost two weeks ?

It would bother me too.

But, realistically, look at it this way. If you think he doesn't care or realize that he is hurting you, is this the guy for you? See, during this stage of dating, we women get all hung up on "does he like me" instead of thinking from the angle of "is he good for me, is he good enough for me, is this guy the one". It's a trial era for him, too and don't forget that.

And, I'm old school, it's up to the man to initiate 75% of the contact. But, times have changed, I've noticed.

Now, if you must reach out, do it in a way that doesn't come across as checking in. Like, say "I'm calling because my friend and I want to go check out that restaurant you mentioned, but for the life of me I can't remember the name of it". OR "my car is making a funny noise, can you recommend a good mechanic?"

Have a reason to call, in other words and make it a quick conversation. Find out what you need to know and hang up. Don't drag it out. Even if he wants to have a conversation, say "your friend is waiting on you, so you've gotta run..."

It would mean more coming from him . I guess I'm old school as well and plus he was so mean to me the last time we spoke . I just thought by now he would be curious as to how I'm doing at least .

Posted by sag 17
It would mean more coming from him . I guess I'm old school as well and plus he was so mean to me the last time we spoke . I just thought by now he would be curious as to how I'm doing at least .

That is hurtful and annoying! I suggest that you move on...find someone who treats you better, and is more mature. Sounds like he wanted to "break up" without actually doing it.

I don't recommend you contact him.

He's the one doing the disappearing so give him wants, let him disappear..

Pretending to not care when you do care will not work.

Reaching out to him when he chose to disappear will reek of desperation plus chasing a man for contact of any kind for any reason when he's consciously chosen to disappear never goes over well, it's like cornering an animal, fight or flight, give you excuses as to why he's been unavailable just to get out of that uncomfortable space which ends in him continuing the disappearing act and you feeling more rejected, it's not worth it.

Reaching out will not bring closure and will not stop the feelings of rejection. It's a lose lose situation for you.

It's important to not be controlling as in wanting closure/contact when he's chosen to disappear. Let him go if he wants to go.

Accepting the disappearing act is much easier than sitting around for weeks dwelling over something you have absolutely no control over.

The disappearing in itself is the closure. Now you have to decide to close the door not because you want to but because you have to.

This is about self preservation at this point. The more you dwell on something you can't control the situation will control you, it will control your time, control your energy, control your happiness and the only thing you can control is you, you can control how you're going to be going forward.

My suggestion would be go out and have fun, go out and notice men checking you out, get your feet wet a little, flirt a little, maybe even go out on several dates and make it a point to enjoy yourself, if that's not possible then get busy, get so busy that you're so exhausted at the end of the day he's no longer a factor in your daily life.

Write out a list of what you're going to do each day after work. Fill your hours with activities, if you find yourself drifting off mentally get up and walk backwards, if you're walking one way then turn and walk in the other direction, put a rubber band on your wrist and every time you drift off mentally snap the rubber band. This guy was a significant part of your life for so many months and because he suddenly pulled out your brain is having a hard time processing the break because it was so sudden.

It takes an active conscious effort to purge him out of your daily life, it's hard no doubt but it can be done, the brain is resilient. Once you get a new mental pattern going it's pretty easy going

Thanks Tiki