Alley08
@Alley08
7 Years
Comments: 0 Ā· Posts: 80 Ā· Topics: 4


Posted by Undine
Do you have any other interactions, like talking every day and getting to know each other...are you compatible otherwise? The fact that a young male with raging hormones will ask for sex from someone he has been dating for three months is nothing unusual, and certainly not an indication he will be using you for sex.
If he wants "just" sex, he could get it by hooking up with someone closer to him, he wouldn't bother with an LDR. He said he wants to be exclusive with you...this not something that a hookup addict would say.
If the chemistry is right, the compatibility is right and one of you could see themselves relocating to be with the other one....I see no reason why you need to wait another 3 months to have sex....?! Do it on the third date...scientist recommend it....holding on for longer when you rarely have the occasion to meet would be weird. You will lose him.
Posted by bumboklatt
no relationship is secure
he wants to bang which is reasonable
also how can you be confused he was straightforward hahaha
wimmins
Posted by bumboklattPosted by Alley08Posted by bumboklatt
no relationship is secure
he wants to bang which is reasonable
also how can you be confused he was straightforward hahaha
wimmins
haha i know he was upfront about it. I am just worried that this all he wants from me!
well from a mans perspective irregardless of sign
yeah thats probably what he wants most from you
it can happen now or 10 years from now
its up to the woman to give it up haha click to expandclick to expand
Posted by bumboklattPosted by Alley08Posted by bumboklattPosted by Alley08Posted by bumboklatt
no relationship is secure
he wants to bang which is reasonable
also how can you be confused he was straightforward hahaha
wimmins
haha i know he was upfront about it. I am just worried that this all he wants from me!
well from a mans perspective irregardless of sign
yeah thats probably what he wants most from you
it can happen now or 10 years from now
its up to the woman to give it up haha click to expand
Right.. I don't mind giving it up because i like him, i'm just worried i will fall for him when everything he wants is
just sleeping with me
yeah thats why the woman holds the sexual/emotional power
as i am not a woman i cant go too much into this but if you like him why not just give it a try, its a risk but love and life are risks
please dont take it as advice, these are just my thoughts
click to expandclick to expand
Posted by AneemA04
Mm, i understand your position.
Anyways, why dont you just tell him something like this, "Are you in it just for sex?"
If he says no, then ask again, "Well, then I told you that we should get to know each other first before having sex."
If he reminded you again that he didnt want to rush having a relationship with you, why don't you just say, "well i dont wanna rush having sex with you either."
Posted by ScorpioTruth
Donāt do it. Heās manipulative as hell. He says he doesnāt want to wait for sex but doesnāt want to be āpressuredā into a relationship. Tell him to go treetrunk himself. š these men are something else.
Posted by ScorpioTruthPosted by Undine
You will lose him.
Why are we assuming he is such a great catch and that it will be her loss and not his?
She should be patient and wait for a commitment but should also disregard her own values and desire to wait?
Thatās a great foundation for a one sided relationship if thatās what sheās looking for. click to expandclick to expand
Posted by ScorpioTruthPosted by Alley08Posted by ScorpioTruth
Donāt do it. Heās manipulative as hell. He says he doesnāt want to wait for sex but doesnāt want to be āpressuredā into a relationship. Tell him to go treetrunk himself. š these men are something else.
I'm in between i can't decide and scared. What if he's worth it, but what if he's not click to expand
Please trust yourself and stay true to yourself. Otherwise you might lose yourself in the process of trying to win him over. click to expandclick to expand
Posted by ScorpioTruthPosted by Alley08Posted by ScorpioTruth
Donāt do it. Heās manipulative as hell. He says he doesnāt want to wait for sex but doesnāt want to be āpressuredā into a relationship. Tell him to go treetrunk himself. š these men are something else.
I'm in between i can't decide and scared. What if he's worth it, but what if he's not click to expand
What if YOUāRE worth itā? click to expandclick to expand
Posted by ScorpioTruthPosted by Alley08Posted by AneemA04
Mm, i understand your position.
Anyways, why dont you just tell him something like this, "Are you in it just for sex?"
If he says no, then ask again, "Well, then I told you that we should get to know each other first before having sex."
If he reminded you again that he didnt want to rush having a relationship with you, why don't you just say, "well i dont wanna rush having sex with you either."
I did say something similar when we had the fight the other day. He said "you need to be more trustworthy of people and let this imaginary guard down it's a turn off, I wouldn't sleep around on you or date other girls i'm not a player, i'm loyal. I get irritated because i want to take things to the next level. Sex is important to me so when you say things like you're not comfortable, i start to think i'm wasting my time and if that offends you then i'm not the one for you" Those were his exact words click to expand
So if he doesnāt want to have sex with other girls and wants to be loyal to you, why not make the relationship official?
Heās extremely manipulative and selfish and tries to make you feel guilty about wanting to wait to have sex, yet he expects you to wait for him to commit to you. Red flags everywhere. Itās all about him. Heās not ready for a relationship and doesnāt want to be pressured but has no treetrunking problem pressuring you for sex. click to expandclick to expand





Posted by Chesh
Honestly, don't do anything you're not comfortable with, just to appease someone else.
Always trust your feelings and yeah I'm not psychic or anything, but from reading your post you sound nervous and unsure about him.
I think you should have a serious talk to him (in person) about eachother's boundaries and how exclusive/non-exclusive you want to be with eachother.
Also, it's a bit worrying that he never asks anything concerning your personality or intrests; if I want to be "serious" about someone....I'm definitely going to want know if we are compatible outside of bed.
Posted by Moonbutter
Wow, ok red flags everywhere... you guys are already fighting and incompatible communication wise so there goes the foundation for a good relationship. Heās a jerk, telling you āmaybe Iām not the one for you then?ā Get the treetrunk outta here, heās right, you deserve someone sooo much better! Please just move on from him, he will hurt you and make you mad for falling for his BS.

Posted by AneemA04Posted by LadyNeptune
@jok421 is awfully concerned with where meenaās kitty has been. I think you have a fan girl š
Oh my gawd... @jok421 is my moral and religious patrol now š
Maybe someday I could recite, "dont smoke!" "Don't have sex!" While doing those things. He sounds like mah mum. click to expandclick to expand
Posted by LadyNeptune
When a man demands sex (first of all ewww no) and you tell him you are a) uncomfortable/not ready and b) need the security of a relationship first. If he really cared about you as a person he would be sensitive to your needs and attempt to accommodate them.
He told you at the beginning he was looking for a serious relationship but now has done a 180? Something doesnāt add up...
Also loyal people donāt go around repeating that they are loyal/not players all the time. Thatās just not something you have to say, itās shown in actions. His actions was to treetrunk another female while dating you. I donāt believe heās stopped that behavior either.
Posted by AneemA04LAST thing we talked i said to him how long are you willing to wait for me? he said "preferably not too long" sooooPosted by Alley08Posted by AneemA04
Mm, i understand your position.
Anyways, why dont you just tell him something like this, "Are you in it just for sex?"
If he says no, then ask again, "Well, then I told you that we should get to know each other first before having sex."
If he reminded you again that he didnt want to rush having a relationship with you, why don't you just say, "well i dont wanna rush having sex with you either."
I did say something similar when we had the fight the other day. He said "you need to be more trustworthy of people and let this imaginary guard down it's a turn off, I wouldn't sleep around on you or date other girls i'm not a player, i'm loyal. I get irritated because i want to take things to the next level. Sex is important to me so when you say things like you're not comfortable, i start to think i'm wasting my time and if that offends you then i'm not the one for you" Those were his exact words click to expand
It does sound like he's not playing around here but he is not being understanding.
I keep my guards up too like you are and of course we just need to, we cannot simply give them trust easily, we need to be more comfortable with them, to feel at ease with them first then sex happens he can have it how he wants it no problem.
But he needs to understand us too.
Okay, then try to find a middle point. Obviousy he needs to have sex with you the soonest. Now how long do you think it will take you to trust him enough to have sex with him? Say in 3 mnths time, then cut it to 1,5 mnths getting closer to him. But butter 1,5mnths for me is too soon. Damn. But you get my point. click to expandclick to expand
Posted by AneemA04Posted by Alley08Posted by AneemA04Posted by Alley08Posted by AneemA04
Mm, i understand your position.
Anyways, why dont you just tell him something like this, "Are you in it just for sex?"
If he says no, then ask again, "Well, then I told you that we should get to know each other first before having sex."
If he reminded you again that he didnt want to rush having a relationship with you, why don't you just say, "well i dont wanna rush having sex with you either."
I did say something similar when we had the fight the other day. He said "you need to be more trustworthy of people and let this imaginary guard down it's a turn off, I wouldn't sleep around on you or date other girls i'm not a player, i'm loyal. I get irritated because i want to take things to the next level. Sex is important to me so when you say things like you're not comfortable, i start to think i'm wasting my time and if that offends you then i'm not the one for you" Those were his exact words click to expand
It does sound like he's not playing around here but he is not being understanding.
I keep my guards up too like you are and of course we just need to, we cannot simply give them trust easily, we need to be more comfortable with them, to feel at ease with them first then sex happens he can have it how he wants it no problem.
But he needs to understand us too.
Okay, then try to find a middle point. Obviousy he needs to have sex with you the soonest. Now how long do you think it will take you to trust him enough to have sex with him? Say in 3 mnths time, then cut it to 1,5 mnths getting closer to him. But butter 1,5mnths for me is too soon. Damn. But you get my point. click to expand
LAST thing we talked i said to him how long are you willing to wait for me? he said "preferably not too long" soooo click to expand
Are you prepared for the worst?
Is it possible for you to look for other dates? click to expandclick to expand
Posted by ScorpioTruthPosted by Alley08Posted by AneemA04Posted by Alley08Posted by AneemA04
Mm, i understand your position.
Anyways, why dont you just tell him something like this, "Are you in it just for sex?"
If he says no, then ask again, "Well, then I told you that we should get to know each other first before having sex."
If he reminded you again that he didnt want to rush having a relationship with you, why don't you just say, "well i dont wanna rush having sex with you either."
I did say something similar when we had the fight the other day. He said "you need to be more trustworthy of people and let this imaginary guard down it's a turn off, I wouldn't sleep around on you or date other girls i'm not a player, i'm loyal. I get irritated because i want to take things to the next level. Sex is important to me so when you say things like you're not comfortable, i start to think i'm wasting my time and if that offends you then i'm not the one for you" Those were his exact words click to expand
It does sound like he's not playing around here but he is not being understanding.
I keep my guards up too like you are and of course we just need to, we cannot simply give them trust easily, we need to be more comfortable with them, to feel at ease with them first then sex happens he can have it how he wants it no problem.
But he needs to understand us too.
Okay, then try to find a middle point. Obviousy he needs to have sex with you the soonest. Now how long do you think it will take you to trust him enough to have sex with him? Say in 3 mnths time, then cut it to 1,5 mnths getting closer to him. But butter 1,5mnths for me is too soon. Damn. But you get my point. click to expand
LAST thing we talked i said to him how long are you willing to wait for me? he said "preferably not too long" soooo click to expand
š¤¦š»āāļø How are you even attracted to this guy?
What is your signā click to expandclick to expand
Posted by AneemA04Posted by Alley08Posted by AneemA04Posted by Alley08Posted by AneemA04Posted by Alley08Posted by AneemA04
Mm, i understand your position.
Anyways, why dont you just tell him something like this, "Are you in it just for sex?"
If he says no, then ask again, "Well, then I told you that we should get to know each other first before having sex."
If he reminded you again that he didnt want to rush having a relationship with you, why don't you just say, "well i dont wanna rush having sex with you either."
I did say something similar when we had the fight the other day. He said "you need to be more trustworthy of people and let this imaginary guard down it's a turn off, I wouldn't sleep around on you or date other girls i'm not a player, i'm loyal. I get irritated because i want to take things to the next level. Sex is important to me so when you say things like you're not comfortable, i start to think i'm wasting my time and if that offends you then i'm not the one for you" Those were his exact words click to expand
It does sound like he's not playing around here but he is not being understanding.
I keep my guards up too like you are and of course we just need to, we cannot simply give them trust easily, we need to be more comfortable with them, to feel at ease with them first then sex happens he can have it how he wants it no problem.
But he needs to understand us too.
Okay, then try to find a middle point. Obviousy he needs to have sex with you the soonest. Now how long do you think it will take you to trust him enough to have sex with him? Say in 3 mnths time, then cut it to 1,5 mnths getting closer to him. But butter 1,5mnths for me is too soon. Damn. But you get my point. click to expand
LAST thing we talked i said to him how long are you willing to wait for me? he said "preferably not too long" soooo click to expand
Are you prepared for the worst?
Is it possible for you to look for other dates? click to expand
Not really, i'm pretty sensitive. Does it sound that bad? I can look for other dates, but i don't have enough time to invest looking. click to expand
What sound that bad?
You needing more time to give him sex? Nope, not at all.
Him demanding you to have sex with him and the way he expresses himself, yeah maybe he is serious but he's not considerate. And tbh I'm not a fan of inconsiderate guys.
click to expandclick to expand

Posted by Alley08Posted by MoonbutterI know i do get the feeling that he's gonna hurt me too. click to expand
Wow, ok red flags everywhere... you guys are already fighting and incompatible communication wise so there goes the foundation for a good relationship. Heās a jerk, telling you āmaybe Iām not the one for you then?ā Get the treetrunk outta here, heās right, you deserve someone sooo much better! Please just move on from him, he will hurt you and make you mad for falling for his BS.click to expand
Posted by AneemA04Posted by Alley08Posted by AneemA04Posted by Alley08Posted by AneemA04Posted by Alley08Posted by AneemA04Posted by Alley08Posted by AneemA04
Mm, i understand your position.
Anyways, why dont you just tell him something like this, "Are you in it just for sex?"
If he says no, then ask again, "Well, then I told you that we should get to know each other first before having sex."
If he reminded you again that he didnt want to rush having a relationship with you, why don't you just say, "well i dont wanna rush having sex with you either."
I did say something similar when we had the fight the other day. He said "you need to be more trustworthy of people and let this imaginary guard down it's a turn off, I wouldn't sleep around on you or date other girls i'm not a player, i'm loyal. I get irritated because i want to take things to the next level. Sex is important to me so when you say things like you're not comfortable, i start to think i'm wasting my time and if that offends you then i'm not the one for you" Those were his exact words click to expand
It does sound like he's not playing around here but he is not being understanding.
I keep my guards up too like you are and of course we just need to, we cannot simply give them trust easily, we need to be more comfortable with them, to feel at ease with them first then sex happens he can have it how he wants it no problem.
But he needs to understand us too.
Okay, then try to find a middle point. Obviousy he needs to have sex with you the soonest. Now how long do you think it will take you to trust him enough to have sex with him? Say in 3 mnths time, then cut it to 1,5 mnths getting closer to him. But butter 1,5mnths for me is too soon. Damn. But you get my point. click to expand
LAST thing we talked i said to him how long are you willing to wait for me? he said "preferably not too long" soooo click to expand
Are you prepared for the worst?
Is it possible for you to look for other dates? click to expand
Not really, i'm pretty sensitive. Does it sound that bad? I can look for other dates, but i don't have enough time to invest looking. click to expand
What sound that bad?
You needing more time to give him sex? Nope, not at all.
Him demanding you to have sex with him and the way he expresses himself, yeah maybe he is serious but he's not considerate. And tbh I'm not a fan of inconsiderate guys.
click to expand
I'm not either to be honest, i don't want to be pushed. He won't mind letting go if i tell him that i can't do it so soon i know that, that's why i'm scared, but i mean i shouldn't i know, i just have a hard time letting go click to expand
I'm running out of what to say around this matter right now..
Can I know what is it that makes you like him so much? click to expandclick to expand
Posted by AneemA04Posted by Alley08That's good to hear that. It's important to stand your ground, but I like to believe to have the ability to make compromise is necessary as well.Posted by AneemA04Posted by Alley08Posted by AneemA04Posted by Alley08Posted by AneemA04Posted by Alley08Posted by AneemA04Posted by Alley08Posted by AneemA04
Mm, i understand your position.
Anyways, why dont you just tell him something like this, "Are you in it just for sex?"
If he says no, then ask again, "Well, then I told you that we should get to know each other first before having sex."
If he reminded you again that he didnt want to rush having a relationship with you, why don't you just say, "well i dont wanna rush having sex with you either."
I did say something similar when we had the fight the other day. He said "you need to be more trustworthy of people and let this imaginary guard down it's a turn off, I wouldn't sleep around on you or date other girls i'm not a player, i'm loyal. I get irritated because i want to take things to the next level. Sex is important to me so when you say things like you're not comfortable, i start to think i'm wasting my time and if that offends you then i'm not the one for you" Those were his exact words click to expand
It does sound like he's not playing around here but he is not being understanding.
I keep my guards up too like you are and of course we just need to, we cannot simply give them trust easily, we need to be more comfortable with them, to feel at ease with them first then sex happens he can have it how he wants it no problem.
But he needs to understand us too.
Okay, then try to find a middle point. Obviousy he needs to have sex with you the soonest. Now how long do you think it will take you to trust him enough to have sex with him? Say in 3 mnths time, then cut it to 1,5 mnths getting closer to him. But butter 1,5mnths for me is too soon. Damn. But you get my point. click to expand
LAST thing we talked i said to him how long are you willing to wait for me? he said "preferably not too long" soooo click to expand
Are you prepared for the worst?
Is it possible for you to look for other dates? click to expand
Not really, i'm pretty sensitive. Does it sound that bad? I can look for other dates, but i don't have enough time to invest looking. click to expand
What sound that bad?
You needing more time to give him sex? Nope, not at all.
Him demanding you to have sex with him and the way he expresses himself, yeah maybe he is serious but he's not considerate. And tbh I'm not a fan of inconsiderate guys.
click to expand
I'm not either to be honest, i don't want to be pushed. He won't mind letting go if i tell him that i can't do it so soon i know that, that's why i'm scared, but i mean i shouldn't i know, i just have a hard time letting go click to expand
I'm running out of what to say around this matter right now..
Can I know what is it that makes you like him so much? click to expand
haha i'm so sorry i'm making this complicated for you, i overthink things myself till i'm sick. I'm not in love i just feel chimestry because i don't have many options atm.
I'm putting and end to this right now i told him "i want to wait for at least 2 months, if that's too much for you then i'm sorry" so we'll see click to expand
I hope things will work on your favor. click to expandclick to expand
Posted by AneemA04Posted by Alley08That's good to hear that. It's important to stand your ground, but I like to believe to have the ability to make compromise is necessary as well.Posted by AneemA04Posted by Alley08Posted by AneemA04Posted by Alley08Posted by AneemA04Posted by Alley08Posted by AneemA04Posted by Alley08Posted by AneemA04
Mm, i understand your position.
Anyways, why dont you just tell him something like this, "Are you in it just for sex?"
If he says no, then ask again, "Well, then I told you that we should get to know each other first before having sex."
If he reminded you again that he didnt want to rush having a relationship with you, why don't you just say, "well i dont wanna rush having sex with you either."
I did say something similar when we had the fight the other day. He said "you need to be more trustworthy of people and let this imaginary guard down it's a turn off, I wouldn't sleep around on you or date other girls i'm not a player, i'm loyal. I get irritated because i want to take things to the next level. Sex is important to me so when you say things like you're not comfortable, i start to think i'm wasting my time and if that offends you then i'm not the one for you" Those were his exact words click to expand
It does sound like he's not playing around here but he is not being understanding.
I keep my guards up too like you are and of course we just need to, we cannot simply give them trust easily, we need to be more comfortable with them, to feel at ease with them first then sex happens he can have it how he wants it no problem.
But he needs to understand us too.
Okay, then try to find a middle point. Obviousy he needs to have sex with you the soonest. Now how long do you think it will take you to trust him enough to have sex with him? Say in 3 mnths time, then cut it to 1,5 mnths getting closer to him. But butter 1,5mnths for me is too soon. Damn. But you get my point. click to expand
LAST thing we talked i said to him how long are you willing to wait for me? he said "preferably not too long" soooo click to expand
Are you prepared for the worst?
Is it possible for you to look for other dates? click to expand
Not really, i'm pretty sensitive. Does it sound that bad? I can look for other dates, but i don't have enough time to invest looking. click to expand
What sound that bad?
You needing more time to give him sex? Nope, not at all.
Him demanding you to have sex with him and the way he expresses himself, yeah maybe he is serious but he's not considerate. And tbh I'm not a fan of inconsiderate guys.
click to expand
I'm not either to be honest, i don't want to be pushed. He won't mind letting go if i tell him that i can't do it so soon i know that, that's why i'm scared, but i mean i shouldn't i know, i just have a hard time letting go click to expand
I'm running out of what to say around this matter right now..
Can I know what is it that makes you like him so much? click to expand
haha i'm so sorry i'm making this complicated for you, i overthink things myself till i'm sick. I'm not in love i just feel chimestry because i don't have many options atm.
I'm putting and end to this right now i told him "i want to wait for at least 2 months, if that's too much for you then i'm sorry" so we'll see click to expand
I hope things will work on your favor. click to expandclick to expand

Posted by ScorpioTruthYou don't get it. She wants to have sex. She came here to ask if having sex while not being into a committed relationship means FWB.Posted by Undine
You will lose him.
Why are we assuming he is such a great catch and that it will be her loss and not his?
She should be patient and wait for a commitment but should also disregard her own values and desire to wait?
Thatās a great foundation for a one sided relationship if thatās what sheās looking for. click to expandclick to expand

Posted by Alley08Look, this is going nowhere. Let him date and have sex as often as he wants. You clearly are not compatible in this aspect.
He actually just answered saying "ok you can wait for as long as you want, but i will be dating other girls in the meantime too, just so you know" what do you guys think? is this worse or better @AneemA04

Posted by Alley08Girl he is a fu.clboi! He talks talks talks but his actions show what heās after - sex. He guilt talks you into his bed.
We've been talking for 3 months, went on 2 dates (due to distance).
At first he said he's looking for a serious relationship and i was like me too. Then lately he started dropping hints that he will need sex soon as he has a high sex drive and i said i want to feel comfortable first and that i only have sex if i'm in a relationship, he said he doesn't want to feel pressured to get into a relationship that quickly just to get sex, it should come naturally!! I told him to go sleep with other girls while he waits for me. He refused and said he's not a player and doesn't want to sleep with other girls while dating me, even though he did tell me he hooked up with one girl, while i was dating another guy too (that was weeks after our 1st date). So we had a fight about something else and he snapped and said "sorry that i have a strong desire for sex i don't want to bring this topic up all the time. I'm sexually active and a man after all, i want to take things to the next level, if i don't get it i get depressed, and if you want to wait so long maybe i'm not the one for you" i don't know if he said it because he was mad or not!! We solved things after but this stuck in my head, he told me due to distance we should then spice things up and like talk dirty or something, On our 2nd date he asked if i want to see his place i was like sure, then on our way we made out and he instantly asked "we can hook up quickly if you want" then before i say anything he said i'm sorry forget about it and looked like he regret saying it.
I don't know what to think of this whole thing. I'm worried cuz i don't want to be fwb.

Posted by ScorpioTruth
Donāt do it. Heās manipulative as hell. He says he doesnāt want to wait for sex but doesnāt want to be āpressuredā into a relationship. Tell him to go fuck himself. š these men are something else.

Posted by ScorpioTruthCatch 22Posted by UndinePosted by ScorpioTruthPosted by Undine
You will lose him.
Why are we assuming he is such a great catch and that it will be her loss and not his?
She should be patient and wait for a commitment but should also disregard her own values and desire to wait?
Thatās a great foundation for a one sided relationship if thatās what sheās looking for. click to expand
You don't get it. She wants to have sex. She came here to ask if having sex while not being into a committed relationship means FWB.
There were no values she was talking about. She seems naive, possibly inexperienced.
Today people have sex before committing. Nobody buys the cat in the sack any longer. Sexual compatibility is extremely important for a successful relationship. click to expand
Really? Because I could have sworn she said that she needed two things before having sex. She needed to feel comfortable and she needed to be in a relationship. She does not have either of those two things.
That is what I was referring to when I said her values/standards. Whether sheās naive or inexperienced has little relevance. I hope youāre not insinuating that she should lower her own standards just because āeverybody else is doing itā. 𤨠click to expandclick to expand

Posted by UndinePosted by Alley08
He actually just answered saying "ok you can wait for as long as you want, but i will be dating other girls in the meantime too, just so you know" what do you guys think? is this worse or better @AneemA04
Look, this is going nowhere. Let him date and have sex as often as he wants. You clearly are not compatible in this aspect.
click to expandclick to expand
Posted by AquaNextDoorPosted by Alley08
We've been talking for 3 months, went on 2 dates (due to distance).
At first he said he's looking for a serious relationship and i was like me too. Then lately he started dropping hints that he will need sex soon as he has a high sex drive and i said i want to feel comfortable first and that i only have sex if i'm in a relationship, he said he doesn't want to feel pressured to get into a relationship that quickly just to get sex, it should come naturally!! I told him to go sleep with other girls while he waits for me. He refused and said he's not a player and doesn't want to sleep with other girls while dating me, even though he did tell me he hooked up with one girl, while i was dating another guy too (that was weeks after our 1st date). So we had a fight about something else and he snapped and said "sorry that i have a strong desire for sex i don't want to bring this topic up all the time. I'm sexually active and a man after all, i want to take things to the next level, if i don't get it i get depressed, and if you want to wait so long maybe i'm not the one for you" i don't know if he said it because he was mad or not!! We solved things after but this stuck in my head, he told me due to distance we should then spice things up and like talk dirty or something, On our 2nd date he asked if i want to see his place i was like sure, then on our way we made out and he instantly asked "we can hook up quickly if you want" then before i say anything he said i'm sorry forget about it and looked like he regret saying it.
I don't know what to think of this whole thing. I'm worried cuz i don't want to be fwb.
Girl he is a fu.clboi! He talks talks talks but his actions show what heās after - sex. He guilt talks you into his bed.
Awwww he might get depressed if he doesnāt get laid? Oh well here have some pills for that idiot! Not your problem
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Posted by ScorpioTruthPosted by Alley08Posted by AneemA04Posted by Alley08Posted by AneemA04Posted by Alley08Posted by AneemA04Posted by Alley08Posted by AneemA04Posted by Alley08Posted by AneemA04Posted by Alley08Posted by AneemA04
Mm, i understand your position.
Anyways, why dont you just tell him something like this, "Are you in it just for sex?"
If he says no, then ask again, "Well, then I told you that we should get to know each other first before having sex."
If he reminded you again that he didnt want to rush having a relationship with you, why don't you just say, "well i dont wanna rush having sex with you either."
I did say something similar when we had the fight the other day. He said "you need to be more trustworthy of people and let this imaginary guard down it's a turn off, I wouldn't sleep around on you or date other girls i'm not a player, i'm loyal. I get irritated because i want to take things to the next level. Sex is important to me so when you say things like you're not comfortable, i start to think i'm wasting my time and if that offends you then i'm not the one for you" Those were his exact words click to expand
It does sound like he's not playing around here but he is not being understanding.
I keep my guards up too like you are and of course we just need to, we cannot simply give them trust easily, we need to be more comfortable with them, to feel at ease with them first then sex happens he can have it how he wants it no problem.
But he needs to understand us too.
Okay, then try to find a middle point. Obviousy he needs to have sex with you the soonest. Now how long do you think it will take you to trust him enough to have sex with him? Say in 3 mnths time, then cut it to 1,5 mnths getting closer to him. But butter 1,5mnths for me is too soon. Damn. But you get my point. click to expand
LAST thing we talked i said to him how long are you willing to wait for me? he said "preferably not too long" soooo click to expand
Are you prepared for the worst?
Is it possible for you to look for other dates? click to expand
Not really, i'm pretty sensitive. Does it sound that bad? I can look for other dates, but i don't have enough time to invest looking. click to expand
What sound that bad?
You needing more time to give him sex? Nope, not at all.
Him demanding you to have sex with him and the way he expresses himself, yeah maybe he is serious but he's not considerate. And tbh I'm not a fan of inconsiderate guys.
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I'm not either to be honest, i don't want to be pushed. He won't mind letting go if i tell him that i can't do it so soon i know that, that's why i'm scared, but i mean i shouldn't i know, i just have a hard time letting go click to expand
I'm running out of what to say around this matter right now..
Can I know what is it that makes you like him so much? click to expand
haha i'm so sorry i'm making this complicated for you, i overthink things myself till i'm sick. I'm not in love i just feel chimestry because i don't have many options atm.
I'm putting and end to this right now i told him "i want to wait for at least 2 months, if that's too much for you then i'm sorry" so we'll see click to expand
That's good to hear that. It's important to stand your ground, but I like to believe to have the ability to make compromise is necessary as well.
I hope things will work on your favor. click to expand
Also what do yo think of his answer ? He said "you can wait as long as you want but just so you know i'll be dating other girls in the meantime too" click to expand
It doesnāt matter what we think, what do YOU think? You have to pay attention to how it makes you feel.
In my opinion, his response answered your question regarding if you think heās all about sex. If sex was not his priority/motive, waiting would not be such an issue. click to expandclick to expand
Posted by ScorpioTruth
Alley08 there are plenty of men that still respect women with boundaries. Please donāt lose them ā¤ļø You are only 3 months in.. nip that butter in the bud before allowing him to waste any more of your time. His tone and his responses to you make it very apparent that he is very selfish and inconsiderate. Undine is right.. the two of you are not compatible. You need a man and what he needs is a doormat.
Posted by bkbella86
Girl his intentions are so clear. He is so full of butter. Why are you wasting your time?
Posted by ScorpioTruthPosted by Alley08Posted by ScorpioTruthPosted by Alley08Posted by AneemA04Posted by Alley08Posted by AneemA04Posted by Alley08Posted by AneemA04Posted by Alley08Posted by AneemA04Posted by Alley08Posted by AneemA04Posted by Alley08Posted by AneemA04
Mm, i understand your position.
Anyways, why dont you just tell him something like this, "Are you in it just for sex?"
If he says no, then ask again, "Well, then I told you that we should get to know each other first before having sex."
If he reminded you again that he didnt want to rush having a relationship with you, why don't you just say, "well i dont wanna rush having sex with you either."
I did say something similar when we had the fight the other day. He said "you need to be more trustworthy of people and let this imaginary guard down it's a turn off, I wouldn't sleep around on you or date other girls i'm not a player, i'm loyal. I get irritated because i want to take things to the next level. Sex is important to me so when you say things like you're not comfortable, i start to think i'm wasting my time and if that offends you then i'm not the one for you" Those were his exact words click to expand
It does sound like he's not playing around here but he is not being understanding.
I keep my guards up too like you are and of course we just need to, we cannot simply give them trust easily, we need to be more comfortable with them, to feel at ease with them first then sex happens he can have it how he wants it no problem.
But he needs to understand us too.
Okay, then try to find a middle point. Obviousy he needs to have sex with you the soonest. Now how long do you think it will take you to trust him enough to have sex with him? Say in 3 mnths time, then cut it to 1,5 mnths getting closer to him. But butter 1,5mnths for me is too soon. Damn. But you get my point. click to expand
LAST thing we talked i said to him how long are you willing to wait for me? he said "preferably not too long" soooo click to expand
Are you prepared for the worst?
Is it possible for you to look for other dates? click to expand
Not really, i'm pretty sensitive. Does it sound that bad? I can look for other dates, but i don't have enough time to invest looking. click to expand
What sound that bad?
You needing more time to give him sex? Nope, not at all.
Him demanding you to have sex with him and the way he expresses himself, yeah maybe he is serious but he's not considerate. And tbh I'm not a fan of inconsiderate guys.
click to expand
I'm not either to be honest, i don't want to be pushed. He won't mind letting go if i tell him that i can't do it so soon i know that, that's why i'm scared, but i mean i shouldn't i know, i just have a hard time letting go click to expand
I'm running out of what to say around this matter right now..
Can I know what is it that makes you like him so much? click to expand
haha i'm so sorry i'm making this complicated for you, i overthink things myself till i'm sick. I'm not in love i just feel chimestry because i don't have many options atm.
I'm putting and end to this right now i told him "i want to wait for at least 2 months, if that's too much for you then i'm sorry" so we'll see click to expand
That's good to hear that. It's important to stand your ground, but I like to believe to have the ability to make compromise is necessary as well.
I hope things will work on your favor. click to expand
Also what do yo think of his answer ? He said "you can wait as long as you want but just so you know i'll be dating other girls in the meantime too" click to expand
It doesnāt matter what we think, what do YOU think? You have to pay attention to how it makes you feel.
In my opinion, his response answered your question regarding if you think heās all about sex. If sex was not his priority/motive, waiting would not be such an issue. click to expand
Right..... But i mean wouldn't he just say no that doesn't work for me and neither for you BYE!! but instead he said he will date in the meanwhile which is what i've been asking him to do since the beginning well i'm sure he did but didn't tell me except for one girl! click to expand
No he wouldnāt do that. Because heās a man, and men like to have their cake and eat it too.
As long as you are waiting around, he will allow you to wait around as he entertains other women and waits to try to get in your panties in another 3 months. And I bet in 3 months he still wonāt be ready for a relationship. Lol
Be honest with yourself about if you are ok with him dating other women. And if you are okay with it, then there really isnāt a problem. Different strokes for different folks I suppose š¤·š»āāļø But donāt encourage a man to do something unless you really want him to do it.
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Posted by Alley08Why would you tell him that? How old are you? Donāt ever tell a man that other men played you and ditched you. If they ask why if ended you can say something like they stopped making you happy. You donāt have to share everything with a man, I donāt care if heās your great love or husband. Keep somethings to yourself.Posted by LadyNeptuneI know i found it annoying how he kept saying it, but he only said it everytime after i tell him how the guys i dated were players and ditched me easily. click to expand
When a man demands sex (first of all ewww no) and you tell him you are a) uncomfortable/not ready and b) need the security of a relationship first. If he really cared about you as a person he would be sensitive to your needs and attempt to accommodate them.
He told you at the beginning he was looking for a serious relationship but now has done a 180? Something doesnāt add up...
Also loyal people donāt go around repeating that they are loyal/not players all the time. Thatās just not something you have to say, itās shown in actions. His actions was to treetrunk another female while dating you. I donāt believe heās stopped that behavior either.click to expand
Posted by bkbella86Posted by Alley08Posted by LadyNeptune
When a man demands sex (first of all ewww no) and you tell him you are a) uncomfortable/not ready and b) need the security of a relationship first. If he really cared about you as a person he would be sensitive to your needs and attempt to accommodate them.
He told you at the beginning he was looking for a serious relationship but now has done a 180? Something doesnāt add up...
Also loyal people donāt go around repeating that they are loyal/not players all the time. Thatās just not something you have to say, itās shown in actions. His actions was to treetrunk another female while dating you. I donāt believe heās stopped that behavior either.
I know i found it annoying how he kept saying it, but he only said it everytime after i tell him how the guys i dated were players and ditched me easily. click to expand
Why would you tell him that? How old are you? Donāt ever tell a man that other men played you and ditched you. If they ask why if ended you can say something like they stopped making you happy. You donāt have to share everything with a man, I donāt care if heās your great love or husband. Keep somethings to yourself. click to expandclick to expand
Posted by Alley08Being lonely will drive you make bad decisions sometimes. Reach out to friends and fam. Do things alone that you enjoy. I know it can get hard. And sometimes thatās just life. It sucks but donāt let it make you make decisions that will lead to unhappiness.Posted by ScorpioTruthI don't even know why, i just feel lonely sometimes. But believe me, i'm like 95% close to ending it i just don't know how, kinda hesitant. I'm a libra lol click to expandPosted by Alley08Posted by AneemA04Posted by Alley08Posted by AneemA04
Mm, i understand your position.
Anyways, why dont you just tell him something like this, "Are you in it just for sex?"
If he says no, then ask again, "Well, then I told you that we should get to know each other first before having sex."
If he reminded you again that he didnt want to rush having a relationship with you, why don't you just say, "well i dont wanna rush having sex with you either."
I did say something similar when we had the fight the other day. He said "you need to be more trustworthy of people and let this imaginary guard down it's a turn off, I wouldn't sleep around on you or date other girls i'm not a player, i'm loyal. I get irritated because i want to take things to the next level. Sex is important to me so when you say things like you're not comfortable, i start to think i'm wasting my time and if that offends you then i'm not the one for you" Those were his exact words click to expand
It does sound like he's not playing around here but he is not being understanding.
I keep my guards up too like you are and of course we just need to, we cannot simply give them trust easily, we need to be more comfortable with them, to feel at ease with them first then sex happens he can have it how he wants it no problem.
But he needs to understand us too.
Okay, then try to find a middle point. Obviousy he needs to have sex with you the soonest. Now how long do you think it will take you to trust him enough to have sex with him? Say in 3 mnths time, then cut it to 1,5 mnths getting closer to him. But butter 1,5mnths for me is too soon. Damn. But you get my point. click to expand
LAST thing we talked i said to him how long are you willing to wait for me? he said "preferably not too long" soooo click to expand
š¤¦š»āāļø How are you even attracted to this guy?
What is your signā click to expandclick to expand

Posted by Alley08Posted by bkbella86I honestly don't know, i keep hoping that sex isn't all he wants, i keep remembering all the good times we shared. But i mean you guys are helping me a lot to see the bigger picture. click to expand
Girl his intentions are so clear. He is so full of butter. Why are you wasting your time?click to expand
Posted by Alley08Itās worse. Drop this pos. He sounds like a kid. Move on.
He actually just answered saying "ok you can wait for as long as you want, but i will be dating other girls in the meantime too, just so you know" what do you guys think? is this worse or better @AneemA04
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At first he said he's looking for a serious relationship and i was like me too. Then lately he started dropping hints that he will need sex soon as he has a high sex drive and i said i want to feel comfortable first and that i only have sex if i'm in a relationship, he said he doesn't want to feel pressured to get into a relationship that quickly just to get sex, it should come naturally!! I told him to go sleep with other girls while he waits for me. He refused and said he's not a player and doesn't want to sleep with other girls while dating me, even though he did tell me he hooked up with one girl, while i was dating another guy too (that was weeks after our 1st date). So we had a fight about something else and he snapped and said "sorry that i have a strong desire for sex i don't want to bring this topic up all the time. I'm sexually active and a man after all, i want to take things to the next level, if i don't get it i get depressed, and if you want to wait so long maybe i'm not the one for you" i don't know if he said it because he was mad or not!! We solved things after but this stuck in my head, he told me due to distance we should then spice things up and like talk dirty or something, On our 2nd date he asked if i want to see his place i was like sure, then on our way we made out and he instantly asked "we can hook up quickly if you want" then before i say anything he said i'm sorry forget about it and looked like he regret saying it.
I don't know what to think of this whole thing. I'm worried cuz i don't want to be fwb.