"I don't like getting close to people"

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Scenic
@Scenic
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I'd say - a confession of insecurity/vulnerability with a disclaimer of what to expect for future interactions. Maybe even a plea to try to get you to help him open up and to let him trust you a bit? Haha, I don't know, I'm just pulling this all out of my ass. It's probably a rather irrelevant statement and you will get more answers by being around him and getting to know him.
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Andalusia
@Andalusia
12 Years5,000+ Posts

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Posted by champranger
Posted by Andalusia
Confession - I don't have his # saved in my phone and I delete all our texts at the end of every night, so that when/if I stop hearing from him, I won't be able to go back thru and re-read everything and over analyze what I said or did wrong..

Is that crazy? Or just kind of insecure?
What happens if he brings up a topic that was mentioned before in those deleted text messages?
click to expand

I have a pretty good memory. And we (currently) talk pretty frequently, so anything he may or may not bring up will likely be somewhat fresh on the brain.

For anything else, I can just plead forgetfulness, lol.
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Andalusia
@Andalusia
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Posted by elllesque
Posted by Andalusia
Confession - I don't have his # saved in my phone and I delete all our texts at the end of every night, so that when/if I stop hearing from him, I won't be able to go back thru and re-read everything and over analyze what I said or did wrong..

Is that crazy? Or just kind of insecure?
that's actually genius. i wish I had done that in the past.
click to expand

Me too.

The downside to this is that I now have his number memorized :/
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Andalusia
@Andalusia
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Comments: 372 · Posts: 6468 · Topics: 165
Posted by champranger
Posted by Andalusia
Posted by champranger
Posted by Andalusia
Confession - I don't have his # saved in my phone and I delete all our texts at the end of every night, so that when/if I stop hearing from him, I won't be able to go back thru and re-read everything and over analyze what I said or did wrong..

Is that crazy? Or just kind of insecure?
What happens if he brings up a topic that was mentioned before in those deleted text messages?
I have a pretty good memory. And we (currently) talk pretty frequently, so anything he may or may not bring up will likely be somewhat fresh on the brain.

For anything else, I can just plead forgetfulness, lol.
lol but if you don't have his contact, then is it just him that is initiating contact? How would he know if you are still interested or not if you never initiate and only reply?
click to expand

I know his #. I just physically type it all out when I text him instead if pulling it up thru my contacts list.
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truecap
@truecap
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Posted by Andalusia
And he knows I like him. I've told him recently that I do. After that he seemed more at ease and open with me.

But then he made that comment about how he doesn't like to get close to people. Since then we've gone from communicating everyday, to me initiating and him being unresponsive or responding with short answers for the past several days.
I hope him telling you that he didn't like getting close to people wasn't a way to breaking things off; letting you down easy, so to speak.
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Andalusia
@Andalusia
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Well, looks like I misread the situation. 😢 I told him about the deleting text messages thing and got this response:

I dont know that you texting me is of the best interest. If you truly delete our conversations in fear of your sub conscious causing anxiety based on what you say aloud, or via text, then i dont want to be the cause. You text me alot and it's just not of my need. I think you're grand, but I cant give you the attention that you give me. I'm attracted to you and I like hanging out with you, but my alone time is more precious then anything really.
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Andalusia
@Andalusia
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Posted by RainDancer
Posted by Andalusia
Well, looks like I misread the situation. 😢 I told him about the deleting text messages thing and got this response:

I dont know that you texting me is of the best interest. If you truly delete our conversations in fear of your sub conscious causing anxiety based on what you say aloud, or via text, then i dont want to be the cause. You text me alot and it's just not of my need. I think you're grand, but I cant give you the attention that you give me. I'm attracted to you and I like hanging out with you, but my alone time is more precious then anything really.
Sounds like something I'd say honestly.
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Yes. To someone you weren't interested in though. Hence why I misread the situation. 😢
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Andalusia
@Andalusia
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Regardless, this was my response:

I just think you're worth trying to get to know. But I realize there's more to it on my side and that it's likely a bit awkward for you. it's selfish of me to put you in that situation. For that, I apologize. And thank you, for your honesty. As much as it saddens me, I obviously needed to hear it. 🙂 You are a gentleman. Which is rare. That sounds cheesy, but it's true. IMO at least.
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lnana04
@lnana04
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I was coming in to say warning! Dang

When a Cap tells you something like this, especially early on...listen!! There is NO pushing through it. Its like thats the default setting inside of him, and it will cause you pain in the longrun for even trying.

Its a way of saying he's not even willing to get close.

If he even hints at trying to come back or get close, dont do it. He is simply not capable of a healthy long term anything at the moment.
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Aquarius09
@aquarius09
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He has aqua placements by any chance?

I say that and it's said to someone who I know is trying to get close to me and I do approve of them trying to get close. It's said as a disclaimer and a confession, all in one. It's my way of saying that you're going to have a difficult time getting close with me so you better have the capacity to persevere and be patient.

There's multitude of reasons why one is that way. I am like that because of soem childhood experiences. I was in group friendships and if I got in a conflict with the ring leader over something I didn't like, because I was no follower, the ring leader would banish me. I went from having a bunch of friends, because it was a group friendship, to no friends. There were days I spent recess alone in the corner. When the ring leader was away, my friends would talk to me but their cowardice repulsed me. This happened to me when I was 6 yrs old and then again when i was 10 years old. When it happened again at the age of 10, that's when I decided to be a drifter which essentially means that I didn't enter into group friendships and I always kept a certain level of detachment in all mly friendships so that if I ever have to dissolve the friendship, I won't get hurt. I maintain friendships with people on an individual level like one-on-one basis. Even if two friends are connected, I meet up with them individually. I"m like that in any relationship minus family.
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Andalusia
@Andalusia
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Posted by aquarius09
He has aqua placements by any chance?

I say that and it's said to someone who I know is trying to get close to me and I do approve of them trying to get close. It's said as a disclaimer and a confession, all in one. It's my way of saying that you're going to have a difficult time getting close with me so you better have the capacity to persevere and be patient.

There's multitude of reasons why one is that way. I am like that because of soem childhood experiences. I was in group friendships and if I got in a conflict with the ring leader over something I didn't like, because I was no follower, the ring leader would banish me. I went from having a bunch of friends, because it was a group friendship, to no friends. There were days I spent recess alone in the corner. When the ring leader was away, my friends would talk to me but their cowardice repulsed me. This happened to me when I was 6 yrs old and then again when i was 10 years old. When it happened again at the age of 10, that's when I decided to be a drifter which essentially means that I didn't enter into group friendships and I always kept a certain level of detachment in all mly friendships so that if I ever have to dissolve the friendship, I won't get hurt. I maintain friendships with people on an individual level like one-on-one basis. Even if two friends are connected, I meet up with them individually. I"m like that in any relationship minus family.
No.aqua placements. Pretty much all Capricorn.

Sun, moon, mercury, Venus and Mars all in Cap.

Can't be certain of his time of birth, but I'm 90% sure he has Virgo rising, in one of the later degrees, making all placements in the 4th house.
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Andalusia
@Andalusia
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Posted by aquarius09
He has aqua placements by any chance?

I say that and it's said to someone who I know is trying to get close to me and I do approve of them trying to get close. It's said as a disclaimer and a confession, all in one. It's my way of saying that you're going to have a difficult time getting close with me so you better have the capacity to persevere and be patient.

There's multitude of reasons why one is that way. I am like that because of soem childhood experiences. I was in group friendships and if I got in a conflict with the ring leader over something I didn't like, because I was no follower, the ring leader would banish me. I went from having a bunch of friends, because it was a group friendship, to no friends. There were days I spent recess alone in the corner. When the ring leader was away, my friends would talk to me but their cowardice repulsed me. This happened to me when I was 6 yrs old and then again when i was 10 years old. When it happened again at the age of 10, that's when I decided to be a drifter which essentially means that I didn't enter into group friendships and I always kept a certain level of detachment in all mly friendships so that if I ever have to dissolve the friendship, I won't get hurt. I maintain friendships with people on an individual level like one-on-one basis. Even if two friends are connected, I meet up with them individually. I"m like that in any relationship minus family.
And I'm fine with persevering, being patient, taking time to get to know someone, etc. I'm fine moving slowly as long as it's moving forward. But I refuse to chase or pursue or force or otherwise try to go where I'm not wanted.

Which is what I took his statement to mean.. a polite way ofor telling me "thanks, but no thanks."
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lisabeth
@lisabethur8
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Posted by elllesque
Posted by cheekyfaerie
Posted by elllesque
I know my mercury is in crap....so, if that was confusing....sorry!
lol at merc in crap 😄

We compartmentalize people, yes. He's come out and said he's not interested in the more stuff, but he'll prolly still try to keep you around for itches and whims. Do as you wish, but never expect more to come of it.
the compartmentalizing is the hardest for me to wrap my head around, tbh. especially when it comes to relationships. but being a scorpio....I can understand why I have such a problem understanding. I am in or I am out...and I won't be in a relationship (or even entertain one) if I'm not all in.

After some experience, I've now realised I have to ask things very clearly as early as possible. Some cap men even compartmentalize with "short term" and "long term" relationships and if you weren't placed in the potential "long term" drawer in the beginning of a relationship......they never had an intention to be with you longer than what they had made up in their mind originally. It's like a timer goes off...."times up!"...and then you are done....."Next!"

strange beings some of you are 😄
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i have this with my cap mercury.

this really happened, the other day, one of my male cousins complained to me that i "compartmentize" and it irritated him! He has a Sag mercury. Weirdly, my husband who has sag mercury doesn't complain at all. But for him it is annoying, and he has libra mars and sag venus. Could be too much sag? or the libra square cap.

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Aquarius09
@aquarius09
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Posted by Andalusia
Posted by aquarius09
He has aqua placements by any chance?

I say that and it's said to someone who I know is trying to get close to me and I do approve of them trying to get close. It's said as a disclaimer and a confession, all in one. It's my way of saying that you're going to have a difficult time getting close with me so you better have the capacity to persevere and be patient.

There's multitude of reasons why one is that way. I am like that because of soem childhood experiences. I was in group friendships and if I got in a conflict with the ring leader over something I didn't like, because I was no follower, the ring leader would banish me. I went from having a bunch of friends, because it was a group friendship, to no friends. There were days I spent recess alone in the corner. When the ring leader was away, my friends would talk to me but their cowardice repulsed me. This happened to me when I was 6 yrs old and then again when i was 10 years old. When it happened again at the age of 10, that's when I decided to be a drifter which essentially means that I didn't enter into group friendships and I always kept a certain level of detachment in all mly friendships so that if I ever have to dissolve the friendship, I won't get hurt. I maintain friendships with people on an individual level like one-on-one basis. Even if two friends are connected, I meet up with them individually. I"m like that in any relationship minus family.
No.aqua placements. Pretty much all Capricorn.

Sun, moon, mercury, Venus and Mars all in Cap.

Can't be certain of his time of birth, but I'm 90% sure he has Virgo rising, in one of the later degrees, making all placements in the 4th house.
click to expand

Wow! That's the purest form of Capricorn!! I didn't know one can have alll those key planets in one sign.
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Aquarius09
@aquarius09
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Comments: 679 · Posts: 11846 · Topics: 2
Posted by Andalusia
Posted by aquarius09
He has aqua placements by any chance?

I say that and it's said to someone who I know is trying to get close to me and I do approve of them trying to get close. It's said as a disclaimer and a confession, all in one. It's my way of saying that you're going to have a difficult time getting close with me so you better have the capacity to persevere and be patient.

There's multitude of reasons why one is that way. I am like that because of soem childhood experiences. I was in group friendships and if I got in a conflict with the ring leader over something I didn't like, because I was no follower, the ring leader would banish me. I went from having a bunch of friends, because it was a group friendship, to no friends. There were days I spent recess alone in the corner. When the ring leader was away, my friends would talk to me but their cowardice repulsed me. This happened to me when I was 6 yrs old and then again when i was 10 years old. When it happened again at the age of 10, that's when I decided to be a drifter which essentially means that I didn't enter into group friendships and I always kept a certain level of detachment in all mly friendships so that if I ever have to dissolve the friendship, I won't get hurt. I maintain friendships with people on an individual level like one-on-one basis. Even if two friends are connected, I meet up with them individually. I"m like that in any relationship minus family.
And I'm fine with persevering, being patient, taking time to get to know someone, etc. I'm fine moving slowly as long as it's moving forward. But I refuse to chase or pursue or force or otherwise try to go where I'm not wanted.

Which is what I took his statement to mean.. a polite way ofor telling me "thanks, but no thanks."
click to expand

Yeah, that's not what he meant. Perseverance it is then 🙂
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lisabeth
@lisabethur8
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Comments: 4373 · Posts: 50653 · Topics: 564
Posted by aquarius09
Posted by Andalusia
Posted by aquarius09
He has aqua placements by any chance?

I say that and it's said to someone who I know is trying to get close to me and I do approve of them trying to get close. It's said as a disclaimer and a confession, all in one. It's my way of saying that you're going to have a difficult time getting close with me so you better have the capacity to persevere and be patient.

There's multitude of reasons why one is that way. I am like that because of soem childhood experiences. I was in group friendships and if I got in a conflict with the ring leader over something I didn't like, because I was no follower, the ring leader would banish me. I went from having a bunch of friends, because it was a group friendship, to no friends. There were days I spent recess alone in the corner. When the ring leader was away, my friends would talk to me but their cowardice repulsed me. This happened to me when I was 6 yrs old and then again when i was 10 years old. When it happened again at the age of 10, that's when I decided to be a drifter which essentially means that I didn't enter into group friendships and I always kept a certain level of detachment in all mly friendships so that if I ever have to dissolve the friendship, I won't get hurt. I maintain friendships with people on an individual level like one-on-one basis. Even if two friends are connected, I meet up with them individually. I"m like that in any relationship minus family.
No.aqua placements. Pretty much all Capricorn.

Sun, moon, mercury, Venus and Mars all in Cap.

Can't be certain of his time of birth, but I'm 90% sure he has Virgo rising, in one of the later degrees, making all placements in the 4th house.
Wow! That's the purest form of Capricorn!! I didn't know one can have alll those key planets in one sign.
click to expand

is it all in the 10th house?
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Andalusia
@Andalusia
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Comments: 372 · Posts: 6468 · Topics: 165
Posted by elllesque
Posted by Andalusia
No, in the 4th house I believe.
don't let this lessen your view on caps though......he is one of many. I know a handful of cap in venus who are quite lovely and do not play these games at all. they are very serious upon entering relationships (almost too much...lol).

it has a lot to do with past relationship history, upbrining, environment and how his energies are nurtured.....and then how he chooses to manifest them.
click to expand

I.don't think less of him. I truly do believe he is a gentleman. I think he probably *is* serious about relationships. We weren't in one; but I thought we both liked each other and it was heading that direction. Hence the sadness at his recent remarks.

I've dated guys before that have full out committed to being exclusive and went on and on about me and us and the future and this and that blah blah bah, only to pull this shit soon afterwards. Which is what I cannot stand - the lying (as I see it). Or the wanting a greater level of commitment and/or intimacy from me than they themselves are willing to give, so instead they give me lip service.

I can honestly say he's never done that. He's never - that I'm aware of - lead me on with his words and such.
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