Capn
@Capn
10 Years
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"I don't like getting close to people" (Page 2)
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Posted by CapnLol. Are you being serious or sarcastic? I honestly cannot tell.
Please update if any news.
I find his latest behaviour quite interesting.
Haha! I am serious.
I would like to hear what he does next..Because..he is going to do something. Just wait.
I would like to hear what he does next..Because..he is going to do something. Just wait.
Posted by FrostAndBiteLOLOLOL!Posted by cheekyfaerieLmao.Posted by FrostAndBiteI'm goin for a set!Posted by cheekyfaerieSELFISH.Posted by FrostAndBiteTurns out I'm a bit of a Virgo whisperer. You guys don't stand a chance! 😛Posted by elllesqueMy upper body strength leaves much to be desired...Posted by FrostAndBiteI will arm wrestle you for her!
Melly stop talking to these weird boys. Just accept one of my many marriage proposals at this point and be done with them.
You can keep a side boy if you like. I'm a very generous wife.
Bake off—
You already have one.
Truth be told I'm probably out of the running. 😭
I've been proposing since she was with a Scorpio and now she's moved down the list to caps.
Scorpio Venus is persistent though. I shall continue proposing even if she makes it all the way to Pisces. #scorpiovenusnoshameclick to expand
Posted by CapnAnd YOU!
Haha! I am serious.
I would like to hear what he does next..Because..he is going to do something. Just wait.
Everyone else gets a power point presentation response from you, and I only get a dry, wry, cryptic one-liner?!
Hmmph!
🙂
Posted by cheekyfaerieI think me and your beau even have the same bday.Posted by FrostAndBiteI'm goin for a set!Posted by cheekyfaerieSELFISH.Posted by FrostAndBiteTurns out I'm a bit of a Virgo whisperer. You guys don't stand a chance! 😛Posted by elllesqueMy upper body strength leaves much to be desired...Posted by FrostAndBiteI will arm wrestle you for her!
Melly stop talking to these weird boys. Just accept one of my many marriage proposals at this point and be done with them.
You can keep a side boy if you like. I'm a very generous wife.
Bake off—
You already have one.click to expand
Posted by cheekyfaerieYas.Posted by AndalusiaSept 9?
I think me and your beau even have the same bday.click to expand
Gurl, you better listen to his damaged ass.
He's trying to warn you that he ain't shit.
He's trying to warn you that he ain't shit.
Posted by CapnWhat do you mean by this? Should I be on guard?
Haha! I am serious.
I would like to hear what he does next..Because..he is going to do something. Just wait.
Posted by AndalusiaLiked your powerpoint-presentation-comment. Poor girl, hehe.Posted by CapnWhat do you mean by this? Should I be on guard?
Haha! I am serious.
I would like to hear what he does next..Because..he is going to do something. Just wait.click to expand
I'll explain my curiosity for this. In a powerpoint.
I do not really agree that he is damaged or will eventually hurt you. You don't have to be on the alert right now, no.
I do agree though, that if you end up in a relationship with him, you should be a little cautious. I'll come back to why a little later.
I can very much relate to some of his actions. I recognize them pretty well.
To me, he seems unsecure at your current relation. He does not really know what he wants of this. Inviting you over is the best sign of that. Altough it seems he might be using the old push and pull, he is not doing that. It was to many days between you stopped texting/talking until he invited you.
For me, the very interesting part here is that he made contact with you after so many days. This signals that he has been thinking of you. Remember that a cap-brain never sleeps. He thinks a lot, but he will not show it. He will seem calm, casual and collected. Even not interested. And he could do this for a long time.
And as long as nothings closed between you, he will continue thinking about you.
Inviting you over with his roomies..yeh well..that serms fairly casual to me. Nice play, cap-man! I believe he did this for this reason:
He didn't want it to be just the two of you because that would've been to private/intimate, and in his mind this is a sign of him being wrong about rejecting you, giving you the upper hand.
He also needed a reason to invite you.. That way he could hide behind that reason for wanting to see you. Thanksgiving was the perfect reason. Believe me, he had been planning that some time in advance, waiting for the day(reason) to come.
It is very, very unlikely that he invited you just to be nice and nothing more. If he had no interest, he wouldnt.
Now..what you need to worry about is his insecurity. To me it seems like he doesnt know what he wants. Does he want you? Yes and no.
No because he right now rejects the thought of committing. Not because it is you. This has nothing to do with you. He likes you, but he cant figure out what he wants. This thought is a seed that needs to be planted in him and it takes some time for him being comfy with it. It will grow, eventually.
Yes, because his insecurity wants to be calmed. He wants you to be there, but it is so hard for him knowing what the right thing to do is.
If you end up together, this insecurity will follow. This is a new stage he has to adapt to. He needs to see the benefits of the relationship quite often
..bah..wrote from the phone, and ofc the last part is gone. Hang on
Moving on:
He needs to see the benefits of a relationship quite often to feel comfortable. If you want to keep him, you better learn to know him. And never in your life take him for granted. This is the worst thing you can do to him. Also creating drama is a no no. Count to 10 and let it go. Talk with him about it later.
So, what to do:
First: He will not forget about you just like that. You are in his mind now. But.. being insecure of what he wants he is likely to be open to new people and experiences.
You must learn to accept that until you slowly hook him. You must be the calm, steady one. Because that is what he is going to choose once he figures things out.
How long do you have to do this? It is no way of me knowing that, but be prepared, it could take a while.
Second: Patience. And a lot of it. But stay in touch. If it feels right, text him. Not your feelings. Do not ever do that before you get him hooked. Keep him wondering.. his mind is all about wondering and figuring things out. Keep it friendly..and short. Dont expect him to answer right away. As long as he is interested, it is always about the upper hand. It will move back and forth, and he will want to have it all the time. It feels good for him to be in control..thats why. But he is not stupid. He knows he has to give it up to get something back.
If it doesnt feel right, wait. Patience. He will eventually find another reason to see/contact you. When he is in bed, all alone at night.. his mind is going on and on and on.. these are the times he figures things out, planning and analyzing. This is his weak moment, when you should strike.
You should try the following and see if he gets it: Mirror him on the time he uses to answer you. If he uses 18 hours, you will use 18 hours. And you should send it at the exact same time as he did. I have tried this sometimes, and no one has figured I did. I guess he will, because his a thinker and an analyzer. This will absolutely stimulate his active mind, giving you a huge plus.
Alright. Let`s see how this playes out.
And remember: Steady does it!!
He needs to see the benefits of a relationship quite often to feel comfortable. If you want to keep him, you better learn to know him. And never in your life take him for granted. This is the worst thing you can do to him. Also creating drama is a no no. Count to 10 and let it go. Talk with him about it later.
So, what to do:
First: He will not forget about you just like that. You are in his mind now. But.. being insecure of what he wants he is likely to be open to new people and experiences.
You must learn to accept that until you slowly hook him. You must be the calm, steady one. Because that is what he is going to choose once he figures things out.
How long do you have to do this? It is no way of me knowing that, but be prepared, it could take a while.
Second: Patience. And a lot of it. But stay in touch. If it feels right, text him. Not your feelings. Do not ever do that before you get him hooked. Keep him wondering.. his mind is all about wondering and figuring things out. Keep it friendly..and short. Dont expect him to answer right away. As long as he is interested, it is always about the upper hand. It will move back and forth, and he will want to have it all the time. It feels good for him to be in control..thats why. But he is not stupid. He knows he has to give it up to get something back.
If it doesnt feel right, wait. Patience. He will eventually find another reason to see/contact you. When he is in bed, all alone at night.. his mind is going on and on and on.. these are the times he figures things out, planning and analyzing. This is his weak moment, when you should strike.
You should try the following and see if he gets it: Mirror him on the time he uses to answer you. If he uses 18 hours, you will use 18 hours. And you should send it at the exact same time as he did. I have tried this sometimes, and no one has figured I did. I guess he will, because his a thinker and an analyzer. This will absolutely stimulate his active mind, giving you a huge plus.
Alright. Let`s see how this playes out.
And remember: Steady does it!!
Well damn. You sir, win the golden typewriter award.
Very good insight. Many many thanks. It's obvious you put a lot of thought into your response and it is much appreciated.
Very good insight. Many many thanks. It's obvious you put a lot of thought into your response and it is much appreciated.
Sure, no probs. Glad I can help 🙂
Aand lets hope I'm right about him. Haha!
Aand lets hope I'm right about him. Haha!
Posted by Andalusia...I'm sorry. Caps don't give the "talk" unless they mean it imo, and if his Cap is in Mercury, i don't think he would say something he hasn't thought through. He's not even willing to make an effort to give you what you need so imo, time to move onto the next!
Well, looks like I misread the situation. 😢 I told him about the deleting text messages thing and got this response:
I dont know that you texting me is of the best interest. If you truly delete our conversations in fear of your sub conscious causing anxiety based on what you say aloud, or via text, then i dont want to be the cause. You text me alot and it's just not of my need. I think you're grand, but I cant give you the attention that you give me. I'm attracted to you and I like hanging out with you, but my alone time is more precious then anything really.
You can always tell with a Cap by their effort and actions! 🙂
Run!
He invited me over again this weekend. I reiterated that I am not a "Netflix and chill" kind of girl, nor was I looking for anything just casual. So my acceptance of said offer depended on the intention behind it.
He responded that "his intention was to do me no harm, yet also bring me pleasure and joy from his company".
To which I replied "Interesting phrasing..."
Him: "My intentions are pure. also, i feel comfortable around you. and in that i am cautious in my involvement."
Me: "You're cautious because you're comfortable?"
Him:"That's how things become tricky!"
Me: "lol. Understood."
He responded that "his intention was to do me no harm, yet also bring me pleasure and joy from his company".
To which I replied "Interesting phrasing..."
Him: "My intentions are pure. also, i feel comfortable around you. and in that i am cautious in my involvement."
Me: "You're cautious because you're comfortable?"
Him:"That's how things become tricky!"
Me: "lol. Understood."
Posted by FrenchKpricornGo for what?
Go for it
Posted by FrenchKpricornOh. I did.
see him
Sorry.. not to be redundant or whiny.. but would you all say this most recent correspondence is a good sign or a bad sign?
Posted by FrenchKpricornHonestly - idk. I don't know him (or how we fit together) well enough to make that decision yet.Posted by AndalusiaDo you want him as a bf ?
Sorry.. not to be redundant or whiny.. but would you all say this most recent correspondence is a good sign or a bad sign?click to expand
But I DO know that I would like to get to know him better and explore that^^^ option.
I also DO know that I DON'T want anything casual.
Posted by FrenchKpricornYour English is fine 🙂Posted by AndalusiaWhen i think about your situation, i'have the feel that one day you'll ultimatom him, and he will pray you for to comeback, because he never really saw what he has, because you seems nice.Posted by FrenchKpricornHonestly - idk. I don't know him (or how we fit together) well enough to make that decision yet.Posted by AndalusiaDo you want him as a bf ?
Sorry.. not to be redundant or whiny.. but would you all say this most recent correspondence is a good sign or a bad sign?
But I DO know that I would like to get to know him better and explore that^^^ option.
I also DO know that I DON'T want anything casual.
ps: fuck my englishclick to expand
Aaannnnd he's all but disappeared again.
Why do I keep letting my feelings get ahead of my logic? :/
Why do I keep letting my feelings get ahead of my logic? :/
I'm wondering if I over-analyzed/reacted though..
We hung out thanksgiving weekend. I texted him a couple times the next week and got single, short responses in return. I told last Tuesday or Wednesday I'd like to see him soon and asked if he was working late on Thursday. He replied "No I'm getting off at 6." So I asked if he'd like to join me for burgers and bourbon at a particular restaurant.
He never responded and didn't show up, so I messaged him Friday "I'm assuming you are either busy/pre-occupied or you changed your mind. Again". To which he immediately responded "ANDALUSIA CHILL OUT! get out of your head. You're worrying too much."
I told him I was honestly trying, but over thinking was kind of hard wired into me. But that wasn't an excuse for me taking it out on him.
Haven't heard from him at all since then. I reached out once or twice, but no response.
We hung out thanksgiving weekend. I texted him a couple times the next week and got single, short responses in return. I told last Tuesday or Wednesday I'd like to see him soon and asked if he was working late on Thursday. He replied "No I'm getting off at 6." So I asked if he'd like to join me for burgers and bourbon at a particular restaurant.
He never responded and didn't show up, so I messaged him Friday "I'm assuming you are either busy/pre-occupied or you changed your mind. Again". To which he immediately responded "ANDALUSIA CHILL OUT! get out of your head. You're worrying too much."
I told him I was honestly trying, but over thinking was kind of hard wired into me. But that wasn't an excuse for me taking it out on him.
Haven't heard from him at all since then. I reached out once or twice, but no response.
Posted by cheekyfaerieYeah.. I used to think it's because he was young.. but now I don't know..
Ok. But... don't you acknowledge friends' correspondence? Or a SO's? What exactly are you to this guy if he can't even reply to a text?
This guy's tickin me off.
Making allowances based on age is part of the reason there are so many ill behaved teenagers and adults running around. But I'm allowing it in this case.
I still genuinely don't think he's a bad guy though. Just not necessarily the guy for me.
I think you over reacted.
Pls define "disappearing" too.
Pls define "disappearing" too.
Posted by AndalusiaI would have responded with what he said too.
so I messaged him Friday "I'm assuming you are either busy/pre-occupied or you changed your mind. Again". To which he immediately responded "ANDALUSIA CHILL OUT! get out of your head. You're worrying too much."
You invited him he didn't answer. No need to send a message the following day that honestly was just a tiny biiiiit confrontational.
You should have left it at that, and wait for him to reciprocate on the invitation. Well not wait for him, but pull back a bit and see if he's reciprocating.
Posted by cheekyfaerieYeah but nothing is solid yet between them to make an accurate assessment about whether you are compromising yourself or your needs.
Oh, I thought the same thing! But that doesn't make it ok. You shouldn't have to compromise yourself and your needs to suit his "I like you, but..."
Until then, we all step out of our comfort zone in order to establish a solid connection.
I can't gauge if he's into her or not at this point...but falling back will ease on the over thinking a lot here.
Posted by cheekyfaerieOh lol, I replied to you.
That was for Melly, btw.
Damnata, he's been wishy washy for sooooo long. Round peg. Square hole.
I don't know, I am heavy mutable and cardinal...it took a while when I was dating the cap too to see if we're on the same page or if there even is something between us worth pursuing.
Melly, I would take this as friendship...for now.
With every new development think if you can see the potential there and see if the situation/vibe about it changes.
No rush. Unless he is disrespectful or pretty much angling for casual sex..then cut him off.
With every new development think if you can see the potential there and see if the situation/vibe about it changes.
No rush. Unless he is disrespectful or pretty much angling for casual sex..then cut him off.
Posted by DamnataI stressed repeatedly I wasn't down for anything casual. He reiterated that he understood and meant me no harm. It seemed as if we were more than friends and/or heading into romantic possibilities territory.his comment about being cautious in his involvement since he's comfortable with me kind of reaffirmed that line of thinking. IMO at least.
Melly, I would take this as friendship...for now.
With every new development think if you can see the potential there and see if the situation/vibe about it changes.
No rush. Unless he is disrespectful or pretty much angling for casual sex..then cut him off.
Grrrr!!!
He talks about me a lot to his friends and coworkers and our mutual acquaintances. They know more about how he feels about me than I do. Is that normal?
Posted by AndalusiaI'm 11 days late, but...
He invited me over again this weekend. I reiterated that I am not a "Netflix and chill" kind of girl, nor was I looking for anything just casual. So my acceptance of said offer depended on the intention behind it.
He responded that "his intention was to do me no harm, yet also bring me pleasure and joy from his company".
To which I replied "Interesting phrasing..."
Him: "My intentions are pure. also, i feel comfortable around you. and in that i am cautious in my involvement."
Me: "You're cautious because you're comfortable?"
Him:"That's how things become tricky!"
Me: "lol. Understood."
It sounds like he wants things to be uncomplicated and doesn't want to change too much. This makes me think he may never go for the idea of being together. Or, if he does, he may retreat back even farther due to him being even more 'cautious' of messing up the dynamic. It sounds like he may like you, but not enough to think the benefits of dating outweigh the possible consequences. Right now, I think it's best to react how a friend would. I don't imagine you would have gotten as upset or replied in the same way if another friend didn't show up for plans like he did in your more recent post. Or maybe you would. I don't know. I think that behavior would push him away, though. If what he wants is uncomplicated, then you constantly reacting to him based on your feelings for him does not exactly fit that category if what you currently have is 'friendship'. It's also clear that he isn't too fond of explanations, so his vagueness will likely eat away at you, as you seem to be more of a worrier/thinker.
Overall, sounds like you're in for a slow and confusing ride, here, if you choose to keep hoping for more.
But, these are all simply assumptions that I've concluded based on two posts I've read. So, don't take it too seriously.
Posted by Andalusia
I'm wondering if I over-analyzed/reacted though..
We hung out thanksgiving weekend. I texted him a couple times the next week and got single, short responses in return. I told last Tuesday or Wednesday I'd like to see him soon and asked if he was working late on Thursday. He replied "No I'm getting off at 6." So I asked if he'd like to join me for burgers and bourbon at a particular restaurant.
He never responded and didn't show up, so I messaged him Friday "I'm assuming you are either busy/pre-occupied or you changed your mind. Again". To which he immediately responded "ANDALUSIA CHILL OUT! get out of your head. You're worrying too much."
I told him I was honestly trying, but over thinking was kind of hard wired into me. But that wasn't an excuse for me taking it out on him.
Haven't heard from him at all since then. I reached out once or twice, but no response.
Hi,
I noticed that in his reply to you, he used all Caps. When I do this, it's because someone has pushed me to the point of total frustration. I would say just back off a bit, and let him come to you. He will think about, and miss you.
Posted by DonnaElvira77Posted by NostalgicCappyForget it ...Posted by Andalusia
I'm wondering if I over-analyzed/reacted though..
We hung out thanksgiving weekend. I texted him a couple times the next week and got single, short responses in return. I told last Tuesday or Wednesday I'd like to see him soon and asked if he was working late on Thursday. He replied "No I'm getting off at 6." So I asked if he'd like to join me for burgers and bourbon at a particular restaurant.
He never responded and didn't show up, so I messaged him Friday "I'm assuming you are either busy/pre-occupied or you changed your mind. Again". To which he immediately responded "ANDALUSIA CHILL OUT! get out of your head. You're worrying too much."
I told him I was honestly trying, but over thinking was kind of hard wired into me. But that wasn't an excuse for me taking it out on him.
Haven't heard from him at all since then. I reached out once or twice, but no response.
Hi,
I noticed that in his reply to you, he used all Caps. When I do this, it's because someone has pushed me to the point of total frustration. I would say just back off a bit, and let him come to you. He will think about, and miss you.
She is uncomfortable with an uncertain future in her relationship and for some reason she is feeling insecure with him because of the lack of intimacy she feels they have and this him not letting her in etc. So it's feeding it. And he is a fucking jerk!
The guy is a pretentious prick! That text reads like a downtown abbey script! I dunno how you didn't laugh in his face!click to expand
In a way I can relate to him because I have an issue with letting people get close to me too, but he needs to wake up and realize what he has in front of him. She deserves better than uncertainty, that's for sure. She seems like a good person, who needs a guy who can give her the attention she deserves and who shows the same level of interest. You make some very valid points, DonnaElvira77
Thank you all for your insights and kind patience with all my queries, lol. 🙂
Update (somewhat)... could he have "cut me off" because he doesn't like my sister? Do Caps really judge people by the "company they keep" so to speak?
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