Self sabotaging?

Do any other caps do this in relationships? I notice that whenever I get close to someone, I end up running away. I somehow find a way to mess things up. Either by acting nonchalant, uninterested, or even by becoming suspicious of them and their intentions. I start getting nervous around them. Sometimes if a friendship wasn't established before a romantic relationship I can be awkward. bleh, i can't help it. Do any other Caps feel like love, relationships etc. isn't for them?

I sometimes feel that way. My excuse is "I gotta work on myself" which is definitely true, but I need so much work that at this rate it will be 10 years before I feel good enough for a relationship.

I definitely push people away. I have a lot of lingering emotional baggage from everything that spills over into everything. Being emotionally invested in someone just makes it bubble to the surface.

If you try to get too close too soon, I bolt. I bolt in other situations as well, but I'm pretty sure that's my sag venus playing games with me.

I don't think I'm self sabotaging in other ways, though. I'm very suspicious as to people's motives and not very trusting, but that's not self sabotage, but self preservation, imo.

I tend to do this. Not intentionally though. Somehow written in my DNA or something. I'm good with friendships but when it comes to relationships I'm always awkward. I don't trust people easily even if I want to. I accept flaws yet I'm sensitive so when people hurt me with their flaws I clam up. And back up. So it's self preservation if it was bad relationship and sabotage if good.

Posted by saturnsvalentina
Do any other caps do this in relationships? I notice that whenever I get close to someone, I end up running away. I somehow find a way to mess things up. Either by acting nonchalant, uninterested, or even by becoming suspicious of them and their intentions. I start getting nervous around them. Sometimes if a friendship wasn't established before a romantic relationship I can be awkward. bleh, i can't help it. Do any other Caps feel like love, relationships etc. isn't for them?

You're either not into them or you really deep down don't want a relationship.

Man is this topic relevant to me right about now! Yes to everything everyone said.
I've recently realized I've got to chill with the dismissive nature when someone doesn't seem compatible (in my recent case, me the loyalist and someone who said they couldn't ever see anyone as the last person they'll be with lol)

To me, I'm just like I need to find an exit quick if I feel like you're on some BS or just seem incompatible.
Like why bother if it doesn't lead where you're trying to go?
Problem is while it's logical, that's slightly fear-based.
And then you get to point where it's hard to differentiate between your gut speaking vs. just plain fear.
So being so hardcore with cutting people off can kill chances of *at least* distant friendships,
especially if that person didn't actually SAY or DO anything harmful to you except express their stance on life.

So this is something I'm trying get a better hold of (more "finding myself" like inana04 said).

Wow this is me for sure..so is it just a Capricorn thing or a personal thing? I can read people so well..instink, vibes, their characters, by looking into their eyes,and I am probably about 98% correct all the time, but the minute I let my guard down and try to have trust in them is when I get used and cheated on, I don't feel I have ever felt what true love is,,I know I can give love to the fullest and been told I'm loved by a man but when a man tells u he loves you so much,and then hurts u and breaks your heart and spirit, how is that love..it isn't to me,,so when a man says he loves me I don't believe them..and I will trust and give my all until he thinks grass is greener with someone else...and that's happened to all my relationships, I am passive and loving,nurturing, and treat my man like a king,I don't like drama or arguments, I think of myself as a perfect wife..but it hasn't worked for me...wrong guys? Or is it me?

::raises hand:: Guilty.....

And I've come to realize I do this the most when the guy I'm into doesn't act EXACTLY how I expect him to act. It's hard for me to internalize that dating someone doesn't mean we automatically have the same perception....

.....for example, if we find out we're both free on a Saturday I would expect him to ask me to hang out for at least a few hours, because hey, it's Saturday. If he doesn't I would get offended and think he's not that interested or has plans with another woman. I can spend that WHOLE day in a funk off my expectations of what I thought he should do--and the funkier I get, the more I withdraw. I won't even bother to call or text because in my mind he KNOWS I'm available. Meanwhile, back at the ranch, he's been sitting in his draws all day playing Madden, wallowing in complete and utter man-bliss. So when he finally does call or text and ask me how's my day been, he gets the raw me, horns a-blazing, but unable to explain why I'm upset. And because my pride is everything and I want to sound like a mature adult that doesn't rely on him for my happiness, I usually don't tell him that I really wanted to see him and was kinda bummed that I didn't. In my mind, he was supposed to initiate a whole day of bonding for me and him. In his mind....he's a quarterback for the Cowboys. ::shrug::

It's a self-defense mechanism in my case. The more I'm into someone, the more I find reasons to pull away from him for infractions like not calling me when I expect, not asking me to do something after I've hinted that I don't have any plans, etc. I don't like feeling overpowered by my emotions, and I certainly don't like the feeling that I may be the only one experiencing them--even if that's not true.

Posted by Capriunicorn
::raises hand:: Guilty.....

And I've come to realize I do this the most when the guy I'm into doesn't act EXACTLY how I expect him to act. It's hard for me to internalize that dating someone doesn't mean we automatically have the same perception....

.....for example, if we find out we're both free on a Saturday I would expect him to ask me to hang out for at least a few hours, because hey, it's Saturday. If he doesn't I would get offended and think he's not that interested or has plans with another woman. I can spend that WHOLE day in a funk off my expectations of what I thought he should do--and the funkier I get, the more I withdraw. I won't even bother to call or text because in my mind he KNOWS I'm available. Meanwhile, back at the ranch, he's been sitting in his draws all day playing Madden, wallowing in complete and utter man-bliss. So when he finally does call or text and ask me how's my day been, he gets the raw me, horns a-blazing, but unable to explain why I'm upset. And because my pride is everything and I want to sound like a mature adult that doesn't rely on him for my happiness, I usually don't tell him that I really wanted to see him and was kinda bummed that I didn't. In my mind, he was supposed to initiate a whole day of bonding for me and him. In his mind....he's a quarterback for the Cowboys. ::shrug::

It's a self-defense mechanism in my case. The more I'm into someone, the more I find reasons to pull away from him for infractions like not calling me when I expect, not asking me to do something after I've hinted that I don't have any plans, etc. I don't like feeling overpowered by my emotions, and I certainly don't like the feeling that I may be the only one experiencing them--even if that's not true.

+10000 ....If this isn't me (with the exception of me actually explaining why I'm upset)....then I don't know who the heck it is! And I'm not even a Cap...smh @ me for this twaziness right here!!!!

Posted by Capriunicorn
::raises hand:: Guilty.....

And I've come to realize I do this the most when the guy I'm into doesn't act EXACTLY how I expect him to act. It's hard for me to internalize that dating someone doesn't mean we automatically have the same perception....

.....for example, if we find out we're both free on a Saturday I would expect him to ask me to hang out for at least a few hours, because hey, it's Saturday. If he doesn't I would get offended and think he's not that interested or has plans with another woman. I can spend that WHOLE day in a funk off my expectations of what I thought he should do--and the funkier I get, the more I withdraw. I won't even bother to call or text because in my mind he KNOWS I'm available. Meanwhile, back at the ranch, he's been sitting in his draws all day playing Madden, wallowing in complete and utter man-bliss. So when he finally does call or text and ask me how's my day been, he gets the raw me, horns a-blazing, but unable to explain why I'm upset. And because my pride is everything and I want to sound like a mature adult that doesn't rely on him for my happiness, I usually don't tell him that I really wanted to see him and was kinda bummed that I didn't. In my mind, he was supposed to initiate a whole day of bonding for me and him. In his mind....he's a quarterback for the Cowboys. ::shrug::

It's a self-defense mechanism in my case. The more I'm into someone, the more I find reasons to pull away from him for infractions like not calling me when I expect, not asking me to do something after I've hinted that I don't have any plans, etc. I don't like feeling overpowered by my emotions, and I certainly don't like the feeling that I may be the only one experiencing them--even if that's not true.

Thank you ^ This explains a lot about my Cap.