aries87
@aries87
12 Years
Comments: 0 · Posts: 49 · Topics: 5
Trying to understand my cap better
Perhaps he's just trying to narrow down the choice and will include you when it comes to the nut cuttin'? Could be too, he knows your tastes and would like to present you with 3-4 options for the final choice.
I know I was recently looking at rental property and homes for sale and there are a lot that I culled out at first glance. It's really hard to find a nice place these days (where I live anyway). So many of them were not worthy of the money they were asking.
I would defintely talk about it because he wouldn't really, in the long term, want you to be a pushover. When you do talk with him, just remain logical and non-emotional, present it rationally and you will be fine.
I know I was recently looking at rental property and homes for sale and there are a lot that I culled out at first glance. It's really hard to find a nice place these days (where I live anyway). So many of them were not worthy of the money they were asking.
I would defintely talk about it because he wouldn't really, in the long term, want you to be a pushover. When you do talk with him, just remain logical and non-emotional, present it rationally and you will be fine.
??*Side note: My family thinks he takes advantage of my kindness. I truly do believe he loves me but at the same time need some advice from a non-biased third party.??
That's the real issue, not that he isn't inviting you to see the homes. Think of it this way, if you trully do love him, it wouldnt matter if you didnt live in the best house possible, as long as you were together right? The issue is that you believe this behaviour to be in accord with what your famly is saying about him and you are doubting his intentions. Maybe he feels that your input and his will be too much in dissacord. What if he's trying to find something on a budget and he's scared that youll fall in love with a house that he just cant provide? He might secretly want to get a place that he can afford on his own so you can enjoy being a full time mom (dont really know the guy, just guessing, but sounds like something i would do.) Before you decide to talk to him about this, make sure that what you really want is to be included in the decision but know that not being included doesnt mean he doesnt value your opinion. I dont get this guy, because I dont really care about my livingspace, and i let my first Ex choose our place because I didnt really care about those type of things. Sorry, since im like the opposite of this capp i cant really be of much help.
That's the real issue, not that he isn't inviting you to see the homes. Think of it this way, if you trully do love him, it wouldnt matter if you didnt live in the best house possible, as long as you were together right? The issue is that you believe this behaviour to be in accord with what your famly is saying about him and you are doubting his intentions. Maybe he feels that your input and his will be too much in dissacord. What if he's trying to find something on a budget and he's scared that youll fall in love with a house that he just cant provide? He might secretly want to get a place that he can afford on his own so you can enjoy being a full time mom (dont really know the guy, just guessing, but sounds like something i would do.) Before you decide to talk to him about this, make sure that what you really want is to be included in the decision but know that not being included doesnt mean he doesnt value your opinion. I dont get this guy, because I dont really care about my livingspace, and i let my first Ex choose our place because I didnt really care about those type of things. Sorry, since im like the opposite of this capp i cant really be of much help.
I feel a LOT better now!!! I will just talk to him about it calmly and not make a big deal about it. Thank you guys so much!!! 🙂
I am BY NO MEANS a Cap expert. But from a turn-emotions-into-logic view: you've got a guy who wants to provide and be the responsible, solid support. He wants to be seen as dependable and able to make trustworthy decisions. He wants to be valuable.
You want your say but you don't want to come across as insecure. There are things you want out of a place you live and you want your say in it to be valued, too. You might not have the dogged persistence of comparing small details and finding the best best best value, but you know what you want, you'll know it when you see it, and you'll probably come up with a handful of likeable places after a quick walk-through. He might see that as missing some important, overlooked thing, but that's alright. He has his likes and you have yours, and you both want to be valued.
Tell him, frankly, without fluff, that you want to see some of the places he's thinking of looking at next. You want to be able to show him things you like and don't like about a house. To point them out in person because it's better than describing something out of thin air. You want him to KNOW what you NEED and you want to SHOW him. If he gets antsy, things folks above have said make sense, that he might assume you'd fall in love with a particular place too soon because it has a particular thing, even if the rest of it has all these problems. If he gets antsy, just assure him that you're wanting to point certain things out and still take everything else into consideration. Even if you don't actually have time for all the details, letting him know you'll consider them could calm him. He'll enjoy the details and you can enjoy the summary.
Then when he goes out looking alone some more afterward (because he'll want to; it's deal-driving bargain-hunting price shopping!), he'll have your needs in mind. Makes for a better provider, right? 😉 He'll be more likely to find something bargain-savvy that has what you both need, and be excited to show you, and you'll be more excited to see because you know he had your values in mind when he searched.
You want your say but you don't want to come across as insecure. There are things you want out of a place you live and you want your say in it to be valued, too. You might not have the dogged persistence of comparing small details and finding the best best best value, but you know what you want, you'll know it when you see it, and you'll probably come up with a handful of likeable places after a quick walk-through. He might see that as missing some important, overlooked thing, but that's alright. He has his likes and you have yours, and you both want to be valued.
Tell him, frankly, without fluff, that you want to see some of the places he's thinking of looking at next. You want to be able to show him things you like and don't like about a house. To point them out in person because it's better than describing something out of thin air. You want him to KNOW what you NEED and you want to SHOW him. If he gets antsy, things folks above have said make sense, that he might assume you'd fall in love with a particular place too soon because it has a particular thing, even if the rest of it has all these problems. If he gets antsy, just assure him that you're wanting to point certain things out and still take everything else into consideration. Even if you don't actually have time for all the details, letting him know you'll consider them could calm him. He'll enjoy the details and you can enjoy the summary.
Then when he goes out looking alone some more afterward (because he'll want to; it's deal-driving bargain-hunting price shopping!), he'll have your needs in mind. Makes for a better provider, right? 😉 He'll be more likely to find something bargain-savvy that has what you both need, and be excited to show you, and you'll be more excited to see because you know he had your values in mind when he searched.
Posted by aries87
I feel a LOT better now!!! I will just talk to him about it calmly and not make a big deal about it. Thank you guys so much!!! 🙂
Wow, timing! Have fun!
Join the Conversation. Explore Yourself. Connect with Others.
Discover insights, swap stories, and find people. dxpnet is where experiences turn into understanding.
Create Your Free Account →Related Topics
Am I right or am I right. The most beautiful and manipulative women are definitely native to the fall season signs Scorp
What time do you all usually wake up? state your rising sign and time of birth.
It's been two months now since our breakup with my cap. I've moved on and am already very happy with my life with all my
Me Scorp. Him Cap. Both of us strong Sagittarian styles of philosophizing. (His eyes lit up so nicely when I asked if he
Dark moods can be hard. Particularly of the capricorn variety. So let's talk about it. They are amazingly hard to n
Just looking to blame my irrational behaviour on being a Cap(Contradiction I know since Caps are supposed to be highly r
Would you be able to let this go as water under the bridge? Say, for example. Your friend's spouse misrepresented hi
Are sexy. Strong silent type. Like you can take care of yourself and anyone else who comes along. Mysterious yet warm. B
This cap guy and I (a pisces) instantly liked each other alot. It was long distance but that didn't seem to be a problem
Hi Cappies! Newbie girl here looking for insight and advice. I am a madly in love with a Virguy. I fell in love with him
My cap and I have been together for about a year and half and have a four month old daughter. He is currently looking for a place for us to live together as family (we still live separately right now). However, he just tells me about the places and occasionally shows me pictures but does not invite me to look at them with him. I currently am not working because I took time off to be with our daughter, but plan on returning soon. We discussed that we will share our living expenses, so it's not like he is going to be the only one paying.
I have heard that cap men like to be the decision makers of their family. Does this sound like something a cap would do? Or is this a red flag that he just doesn't value my opinion?
I am going to talk to him about this obviously (we need to work on our communication) but just wanted to hear your guys opinions first. I don't want to come off as insecure when discussing it with him(i.e. asking him why doesn't he care about me, etc.). I know insecurity is a turn off for men, especially caps.
*Side note: My family thinks he takes advantage of my kindness. I truly do believe he loves me but at the same time need some advice from a non-biased third party.