Red flags in any relationship

First of all, some people have ways of doing things naturally. That's a given. But they may mirror their sign to a t and that can be confusing when you are looking at the do and don't aspect of any Union.

Red flags or bad vibes are the feelings you get when another person does or says something that makes you queasy, question yourself, or intentionally hurt you.
Now a lot of times these are solely about control and game play. Usually an isolation or hold technique.
1. The silent treatment- a way to determine how you handle your emotions and how far you will go to get attention. They know they hurt you and you are suffering with silence. They hold the cards. They are controlling your emotions. Want your full attention while giving you zero. It's also a sign of a true narcissist.
2.blameshifting- you aren't making it better, you are making them feel this way, you won't stop. This is also a narcissist technique. They put this on you. Make you feel like you are the main reason why everything is wrong. They cannot admit wrongdoing and won't. They put it all on you to see what you will take.
3. Gaslighting- coming back and acting like they understand your feelings and still blameshifting but take a little bit of blame. Not a lot, just enough to get you comfortable again. This is usually how they know they got ya.
4. Doll on a shelf- they talk, call, text you when it's convenient for them. Everything you do together is on their terms. There is no other way. Any other time you wait. While you hear how busy and tired or whatever they are. They basically ignore you until they want to take you off the shelf and play with you. Then they put you back and want you to sit there and pine over them.

Please feel free to add anymore. These are signs of a narcissist in your life. They rob you of happiness, give false hope and then boom- disappear until they see you happy and they want back in.

Ramb- you are right. It's a horrible form of manipulation.

They usually like to isolate you.

If a man/ woman picks fights with you about family, causes problems with your family. That's. Problem also. Isolating is the keys to full control.
Friends included. Eventually it's just you and that person. Not good.

How they refer to all of their exes or how all the stories magically leave them exempt of any sort of responsibility- aka always being the victim, every single time.

"It's always their fault, never mine!"

Every ex is a "crazy bitch."

Then again, I rarely trust people who play the victim card 24/7...

Posted by Ssupes

Posted by rockyroadicecream
How they refer to all of their exes or how all the stories magically leave them exempt of any sort of responsibility- aka always being the victim, every single time.

"It's always their fault, never mine!"

Every ex is a "crazy bitch."

Then again, I rarely trust people who play the victim card 24/7...

Blame shifting for me is hard for me to deal with. You never know the full truth till you hear different from others. Then I feel like everything that was said was "manipulation and lies".

click to expand

That and it'll eventually become an issue for you to deal with. Someone who cannot take responsibility for their own inconsiderate actions or bad behavior that was a part in whatever the problem is will eventually cause problems in a relationship.

You can't even trust people like this, tbh. It's like they view the world in an alternate reality where they never do anything wrong and it's everyone else's fault.

I learned this after the fact, but I had an ex who had told me a bit about his past with an ex of his, and most of it was a "I'm just a good guy and she took advantage/didn't appreciate it. I did aaall this stuff for her and she ditched me for it."

Turns out he was moving too fast for her and she had to call it quits.

There was a time, when we were together, that we'd made plans for me to come over after work, only for me to be bored out of my mind while he played Call of Duty, essentially ignoring me the entire time I was there. I was pretty annoyed, so I left. He didn't notice until like an hour later and was all baffled. When his roommates asked what'd happened, he deflected it all on me, saying I invited myself over anyway blah blah.

Point is, that even though I learned all this after the fact (amongst other things), it explained SO much about the misc. bs I had to deal with. Had I known about it when we'd started dating, I probably would have held off getting together with him. Just too much dysfunction with individuals who behave like that.

Of course everyone has their flaws. It's how they handle it that tells you what kind of person they really are.