Why will you do this?

A little short backstory:

We were friends for a long time but we have huge age gap(around 8 years, I am younger) and I developed feelings for her and she rejected them and became cold. This continued for 2 years until now when she is trying to rebuild the friendship but it still feels she doesn't have genuine feelings and seems like doing it out of guilt or whatever. I don't trust her now. Prob I have become cold now and don't care much, just don't want to be dragged into it again unless these are genuine feelings. I don't want to force friendship on someone. If she doesn't care for me I am fine with it but I don't want to believe in lies. Do you think it is out of guilt or the feelings can change?

I thought the same too. And I had accepted it and moved on. But she was always angry at me in these 2 years but I didn't talk to her much.

Hmm the way things started going south. I had told her she was ignoring me a lot that time and prob she felt a bit hurt by it. And the next day she was being more attentive to me and it just seemed forced and not her natural self. The same I feel now as well. Like she is doing it to avoid losing the friendship perhaps and not due to the emotions for me.

Posted by blvckphvse

Anytime someone has announced that they had feelings for me that I didn't have in return, it always made me feel VERY guilty. When I care about someone as a friend and then I find out that they have deeper feelings, I almost feel bad continuing to be their friend.. It just doesn't seem right or fair.

Actually I never told her I like her. I didn't even know it till long. I was just jealous of her giving attention to someone and told her she was ignoring me and after that she became like that. And maybe you are right, and that's why I accepted that things were prob over and moved on until now when her behaviour seems changed.

Posted by Antiphates

This sounds familiar.

Did something negative happen in her life recently?

No nothing like that. She is rather happier now ever than before.

Posted by blvckphvse

Posted by Capricorn91

I thought the same too. And I had accepted it and moved on. But she was always angry at me in these 2 years but I didn't talk to her much.

Hmm the way things started going south. I had told her she was ignoring me a lot that time and prob she felt a bit hurt by it. And the next day she was being more attentive to me and it just seemed forced and not her natural self. The same I feel now as well. Like she is doing it to avoid losing the friendship perhaps and not due to the emotions for me.

It sounds to me like she valued and misses your friendship. She likely wants that back but is testing out the waters to make sure you aren't still in your feelings about her. If you are she will probably flee again. So to avoid getting your feelings hurt, be honest with yourself about how you feel about her now, don't try and be friends if you feel more or she will likely run off and leave you hurt again. Can't say for sure, but from my own experience, I don't like hurting people I care for so will avoid these type of situations.

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I too want the old friendship back but I just can't trust her at the moment. I feel cold and sometimes angry towards her and feel there is no point in it since maybe we aren't compatible. Her actions don't seem genuine. But things aren't clear at the moment. I felt we had a really strong bond before but doubt whether it is possible to get there again if she isn't committed fully to it.

But how can she develop genuine feelings if you don't let her get close?

Posted by Antiphates

Posted by Capricorn91

Posted by Antiphates

This sounds familiar.

Did something negative happen in her life recently?

No nothing like that. She is rather happier now ever than before.

Okay, that's good since that means the whole thing is more likely to be genuine.

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I too would want to believe that but I still doubt it.

Posted by nanobot

Is angry the right word? Idk people seem to think I'm "angry" a lot, especially online when on my side of the screen, I could be just watching TV and eating a burrito.

I've also been told irl that people thought I was very angry because I have a near permanent furrowed brow and notoriously bad eyesight

From what you've written about her here and in the past, I don't think that she is afraid to "lose the friendship" considering this falling out began 2 whole years ago..... I don't think we are that nostalgic, I know I'm not.

She probably thinks enough time has gone by that your romantic feelings have subsided and wants to rekindle the friendship.

I attempted this type of thing once myself with a Taurus man and it did not end well, at all.

She used to boss me all the time in angry tone. With others it would be the sweet mellow side but with me it was like talking to a criminal. I will still prefer it since anger is the most genuine emotion. But it was hell for me lol.

I too think the same since a couple of times she has tried to be emotional and tried to talk to me as if in a apologetic way but I was cold towards her then. But this was after she had tried half attempts to rebuild things without any genuine emotions which I had to kind of reject.

I agree but without her full genuine emotions it isn't a friendship.

It is difficult to rebuild things after they get broken like this. Maybe earth signs keep things in mind for a long long time so it is difficult with them. But you really had feelings and care for him?

Posted by Phantom_Limbo

Posted by Capricorn91

Posted by blvckphvse

Posted by Capricorn91

I thought the same too. And I had accepted it and moved on. But she was always angry at me in these 2 years but I didn't talk to her much.

Hmm the way things started going south. I had told her she was ignoring me a lot that time and prob she felt a bit hurt by it. And the next day she was being more attentive to me and it just seemed forced and not her natural self. The same I feel now as well. Like she is doing it to avoid losing the friendship perhaps and not due to the emotions for me.

It sounds to me like she valued and misses your friendship. She likely wants that back but is testing out the waters to make sure you aren't still in your feelings about her. If you are she will probably flee again. So to avoid getting your feelings hurt, be honest with yourself about how you feel about her now, don't try and be friends if you feel more or she will likely run off and leave you hurt again. Can't say for sure, but from my own experience, I don't like hurting people I care for so will avoid these type of situations.

I too want the old friendship back but I just can't trust her at the moment. I feel cold and sometimes angry towards her and feel there is no point in it since maybe we aren't compatible. Her actions don't seem genuine. But things aren't clear at the moment. I felt we had a really strong bond before but doubt whether it is possible to get there again if she isn't committed fully to it.

What do you mean by not compatible? If you're just trying to be friends, is compatibility a bit issue?

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Yes, I think so. With some friends we don't feel the same emotions and so we keep things superficial sometimes or things fall apart. And when things go bad it is difficult to get back to where they were good once.

Posted by Antiphates

Posted by Capricorn91

Posted by Antiphates

Posted by Capricorn91

Posted by Antiphates

This sounds familiar.

Did something negative happen in her life recently?

No nothing like that. She is rather happier now ever than before.

Okay, that's good since that means the whole thing is more likely to be genuine.

I too would want to believe that but I still doubt it.

Relate- and understandable but I think that's something major Cap influence has to get used to if we want to have healthy (social) relationship with Geminis. Giving the benefit of the doubt while being emotionally prepared for the potential "betrayal" seems to be the only real fair way to handle this. Sooner or later it will become clear where she stands or you have solidified your own stance enough to move on without feelings of regret.

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Yes I am waiting for things to be clear. I have a bit of disadvantage of the age gap so I can't expect much also. Can only accept and move on.

Posted by LadyNeptune

But how can she develop genuine feelings if you don't let her get close?

What? It's not like I met her yesterday. We've known each other for a long time. Things were good once and we were close. So feelings either should be there somewhere or maybe they aren't.

Posted by Antiphates

Posted by Capricorn91

Posted by Antiphates

Posted by Capricorn91

Posted by Antiphates

Posted by Capricorn91

Posted by Antiphates

This sounds familiar.

Did something negative happen in her life recently?

No nothing like that. She is rather happier now ever than before.

Okay, that's good since that means the whole thing is more likely to be genuine.

I too would want to believe that but I still doubt it.

Relate- and understandable but I think that's something major Cap influence has to get used to if we want to have healthy (social) relationship with Geminis. Giving the benefit of the doubt while being emotionally prepared for the potential "betrayal" seems to be the only real fair way to handle this. Sooner or later it will become clear where she stands or you have solidified your own stance enough to move on without feelings of regret.

Yes I am waiting for things to be clear. I have a bit of disadvantage of the age gap so I can't expect much also. Can only accept and move on.

Okay, but don't allow yourself to be fooled by positive or negative peaks in her behaviour.

The average over a longer period of time is what matters when it comes to Geminis. At least in my experience.

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Oh yeah. One moment it's like she is genuinely interested and the other just trying to do it out of some compulsion. But idk why I don't want to write it off immediately so am just waiting and seeing. But trust is broken.

Posted by Capricorn91

I thought the same too. And I had accepted it and moved on. But she was always angry at me in these 2 years but I didn't talk to her much.

Hmm the way things started going south. I had told her she was ignoring me a lot that time and prob she felt a bit hurt by it. And the next day she was being more attentive to me and it just seemed forced and not her natural self. The same I feel now as well. Like she is doing it to avoid losing the friendship perhaps and not due to the emotions for me.

Lol... You are thinking a lot about her and her feelings and actions and reactions... I won't call it selfless but stupid. Leave this chick hanging dry and cold coz that is what gives her the kick or keeps her going. Get some other girl... This one is a time killer. MOVE ON.

Posted by Capricorn91

Posted by LadyNeptune

But how can she develop genuine feelings if you don't let her get close?

What? It's not like I met her yesterday. We've known each other for a long time. Things were good once and we were close. So feelings either should be there somewhere or maybe they aren't.

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You knew her 2 years ago when she viewed you as a friend and you wanted something more.

If you want to rekindle the friendship and work towards the possibility of more you need to get close again. 2 years is a long time. Your not the same person you were back then, neither is she.

You can't expect her to magically produce romantic feelings for you when your not willing to invest more time and just relying on interactions from 2 years ago.

Posted by nanobot

Posted by Capricorn91

Posted by nanobot

Is angry the right word? Idk people seem to think I'm "angry" a lot, especially online when on my side of the screen, I could be just watching TV and eating a burrito.

I've also been told irl that people thought I was very angry because I have a near permanent furrowed brow and notoriously bad eyesight

From what you've written about her here and in the past, I don't think that she is afraid to "lose the friendship" considering this falling out began 2 whole years ago..... I don't think we are that nostalgic, I know I'm not.

She probably thinks enough time has gone by that your romantic feelings have subsided and wants to rekindle the friendship.

I attempted this type of thing once myself with a Taurus man and it did not end well, at all.

She used to boss me all the time in angry tone. With others it would be the sweet mellow side but with me it was like talking to a criminal. I will still prefer it since anger is the most genuine emotion. But it was hell for me lol.

I too think the same since a couple of times she has tried to be emotional and tried to talk to me as if in a apologetic way but I was cold towards her then. But this was after she had tried half attempts to rebuild things without any genuine emotions which I had to kind of reject.

I agree but without her full genuine emotions it isn't a friendship.

It is difficult to rebuild things after they get broken like this. Maybe earth signs keep things in mind for a long long time so it is difficult with them. But you really had feelings and care for him?

I guess the best thing to do in this situation is I guess to talk to her and see what is going on in her head and what she feels towards you currently. Tell her you're confused and would like to speak with her sometime

I think you're right about earth signs. I got involved emotionally with a Taurus man, dating for about 5 months, we had sex once. To be completely honest, I was a pretty big asshole. He was great and would have been a good boyfriend, very attentive and caring. At the time, I treated most of his feelings and advances as an ego boost, it was not a reciprocal situation for me at all. I did care about him though, as a person and still think of him sometimes. He wanted a real relationship and I responded to that by moving away. I gave it a few months, and then reached out to him thinking it was enough time for him to process everything and talk about it.

But I was very wrong, he was angry and hateful, saying things that he thought would hurt me the most, which was fair. I get it. Since then , it's been many years and theres odd behaivor I don't understand on his end still. He has added me on Facebook, deleted me, multiple times and messages me here and there. Sometimes angry, sometimes sad, sometimes happy.

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I would like to talk to her too but she is a closed off sensitive person. Last time I wanted to talk about my side of things which she just didn't want to listen. I am prob just waiting and seeing for now whether it is genuine or not. I am feeling quite cold towards her like she felt for me all this while. Guess I can see from her POV now lol.

Yeah feels the same thing. But you would have been young and inexperienced then. Oh we just don't move on if we are invested even a bit emotionally. And taurus will remain fixed on it for very very long. Prob best for you cut off again lol. But still 5 months is not much for him to be like this.

Posted by LadyNeptune

Posted by Capricorn91

Posted by LadyNeptune

But how can she develop genuine feelings if you don't let her get close?

What? It's not like I met her yesterday. We've known each other for a long time. Things were good once and we were close. So feelings either should be there somewhere or maybe they aren't.

You knew her 2 years ago when she viewed you as a friend and you wanted something more.

If you want to rekindle the friendship and work towards the possibility of more you need to get close again. 2 years is a long time. Your not the same person you were back then, neither is she.

You can't expect her to magically produce romantic feelings for you when your not willing to invest more time and just relying on interactions from 2 years ago.

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I understand that. But I am not saying about romantic feelings. Even feelings of genuine friendship without which she wouldn't have the motivation to be friends again. And don't put it on me. I've tried a lot in these 2 years to show her I care for her a lot and tried to be friends but she was cold and angry throughout.

Posted by Phantom_Limbo

Is she seeing someone else?

I would say no but she does have a very close Taurus friend (mutual) with whom she likes to be with.

Posted by Capricorn91

Posted by LadyNeptune

Posted by Capricorn91

Posted by LadyNeptune

But how can she develop genuine feelings if you don't let her get close?

What? It's not like I met her yesterday. We've known each other for a long time. Things were good once and we were close. So feelings either should be there somewhere or maybe they aren't.

You knew her 2 years ago when she viewed you as a friend and you wanted something more.

If you want to rekindle the friendship and work towards the possibility of more you need to get close again. 2 years is a long time. Your not the same person you were back then, neither is she.

You can't expect her to magically produce romantic feelings for you when your not willing to invest more time and just relying on interactions from 2 years ago.

I understand that. But I am not saying about romantic feelings. Even feelings of genuine friendship without which she wouldn't have the motivation to be friends again. And don't put it on me. I've tried a lot in these 2 years to show her I care for her a lot and tried to be friends but she was cold and angry throughout.

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But now she is putting in effort, no? You said in your op she is attempting to rebuild the friendship.

But it sounds like your done. So be done for real then.

Posted by LadyNeptune

Posted by Capricorn91

Posted by LadyNeptune

Posted by Capricorn91

Posted by LadyNeptune

But how can she develop genuine feelings if you don't let her get close?

What? It's not like I met her yesterday. We've known each other for a long time. Things were good once and we were close. So feelings either should be there somewhere or maybe they aren't.

You knew her 2 years ago when she viewed you as a friend and you wanted something more.

If you want to rekindle the friendship and work towards the possibility of more you need to get close again. 2 years is a long time. Your not the same person you were back then, neither is she.

You can't expect her to magically produce romantic feelings for you when your not willing to invest more time and just relying on interactions from 2 years ago.

I understand that. But I am not saying about romantic feelings. Even feelings of genuine friendship without which she wouldn't have the motivation to be friends again. And don't put it on me. I've tried a lot in these 2 years to show her I care for her a lot and tried to be friends but she was cold and angry throughout.

But now she is putting in effort, no? You said in your op she is attempting to rebuild the friendship.

But it sounds like your done. So be done for real then.

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Yeah but they don't seem genuine.

I am but just waiting for some clarity.

Posted by Capricorn91

Posted by LadyNeptune

Posted by Capricorn91

Posted by LadyNeptune

Posted by Capricorn91

Posted by LadyNeptune

But how can she develop genuine feelings if you don't let her get close?

What? It's not like I met her yesterday. We've known each other for a long time. Things were good once and we were close. So feelings either should be there somewhere or maybe they aren't.

You knew her 2 years ago when she viewed you as a friend and you wanted something more.

If you want to rekindle the friendship and work towards the possibility of more you need to get close again. 2 years is a long time. Your not the same person you were back then, neither is she.

You can't expect her to magically produce romantic feelings for you when your not willing to invest more time and just relying on interactions from 2 years ago.

I understand that. But I am not saying about romantic feelings. Even feelings of genuine friendship without which she wouldn't have the motivation to be friends again. And don't put it on me. I've tried a lot in these 2 years to show her I care for her a lot and tried to be friends but she was cold and angry throughout.

But now she is putting in effort, no? You said in your op she is attempting to rebuild the friendship.

But it sounds like your done. So be done for real then.

Yeah but they don't seem genuine.

I am but just waiting for some clarity.

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Time will tell. At least your going into it disillusioned based on the track record here. Don't invest too much.

Posted by nanobot

Posted by Capricorn91

Posted by nanobot

Posted by Capricorn91

Posted by nanobot

Is angry the right word? Idk people seem to think I'm "angry" a lot, especially online when on my side of the screen, I could be just watching TV and eating a burrito.

I've also been told irl that people thought I was very angry because I have a near permanent furrowed brow and notoriously bad eyesight

From what you've written about her here and in the past, I don't think that she is afraid to "lose the friendship" considering this falling out began 2 whole years ago..... I don't think we are that nostalgic, I know I'm not.

She probably thinks enough time has gone by that your romantic feelings have subsided and wants to rekindle the friendship.

I attempted this type of thing once myself with a Taurus man and it did not end well, at all.

She used to boss me all the time in angry tone. With others it would be the sweet mellow side but with me it was like talking to a criminal. I will still prefer it since anger is the most genuine emotion. But it was hell for me lol.

I too think the same since a couple of times she has tried to be emotional and tried to talk to me as if in a apologetic way but I was cold towards her then. But this was after she had tried half attempts to rebuild things without any genuine emotions which I had to kind of reject.

I agree but without her full genuine emotions it isn't a friendship.

It is difficult to rebuild things after they get broken like this. Maybe earth signs keep things in mind for a long long time so it is difficult with them. But you really had feelings and care for him?

I guess the best thing to do in this situation is I guess to talk to her and see what is going on in her head and what she feels towards you currently. Tell her you're confused and would like to speak with her sometime

I think you're right about earth signs. I got involved emotionally with a Taurus man, dating for about 5 months, we had sex once. To be completely honest, I was a pretty big asshole. He was great and would have been a good boyfriend, very attentive and caring. At the time, I treated most of his feelings and advances as an ego boost, it was not a reciprocal situation for me at all. I did care about him though, as a person and still think of him sometimes. He wanted a real relationship and I responded to that by moving away. I gave it a few months, and then reached out to him thinking it was enough time for him to process everything and talk about it.

But I was very wrong, he was angry and hateful, saying things that he thought would hurt me the most, which was fair. I get it. Since then , it's been many years and theres odd behaivor I don't understand on his end still. He has added me on Facebook, deleted me, multiple times and messages me here and there. Sometimes angry, sometimes sad, sometimes happy.

I would like to talk to her too but she is a closed off sensitive person. Last time I wanted to talk about my side of things which she just didn't want to listen. I am prob just waiting and seeing for now whether it is genuine or not. I am feeling quite cold towards her like she felt for me all this while. Guess I can see from her POV now lol.

Yeah feels the same thing. But you would have been young and inexperienced then. Oh we just don't move on if we are invested even a bit emotionally. And taurus will remain fixed on it for very very long. Prob best for you cut off again lol. But still 5 months is not much for him to be like this.

Yea I mean if its been years, one or both of you are uncommunicative or unwilling to listen, and one or both of you are feeling cold toward the other, then I can't imagine that its something worth pursuing or salvaging. You caps have patience, but I simply can not and would not tolerate not knowing where I stand in someone's life. I know I say that a lot, but its something I have learned about myself.

I personally think it would be a waste of time to just "play it by ear" and see what happens. I guess you could say that I just don't have the patience for it. I am a much more proactive and at times, assertive person when it comes to stuff like this.

You told me once before I think - what were her placements?

I understand, and he was even younger and more inexperienced than me. Lol I had seen some shit by that time in my life and he was pretty innocent and naive, I feel like I ruined him. I think the poor guy thought he was in love or something, but I can't imagine it being love because like I said, I was an asshole and a really bad version of me at the time. The very reason we met in the first place was because my life was a trainwreck. He was a taurus sun/leo moon. Very fixed, and lots of ego. We were pretty much inseparable in those 5 months unless I needed space or picked a fight

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Yes it just seems like back and forth but it is just I've known her for around 6-7 years now including those 2 years where we didn't talk much. And you are right that is quite frustrating where you don't know whether you mean something or not to the other person. And now when I had accepted things and was moving on she has started giving more attention but I could care less now. I've given enough time and put myself through enough pain. Yeah she is quite assertive and arrogant but I am the same so either she lets go of her ego or we never talk again.

Sorry I don't know her exact placements but could be a fire moon, her anger is quite bad.

Lol yeah seems quite innocent. Yeah maybe his ego got hurt and he would have felt rejected since you two were so close so hurt would be a lot. Maybe Taurus is a better match than Cap still. She too really likes taurus energy a lot.

Posted by Koinu

Posted by Capricorn91

Posted by blvckphvse

Posted by Capricorn91

I thought the same too. And I had accepted it and moved on. But she was always angry at me in these 2 years but I didn't talk to her much.

Hmm the way things started going south. I had told her she was ignoring me a lot that time and prob she felt a bit hurt by it. And the next day she was being more attentive to me and it just seemed forced and not her natural self. The same I feel now as well. Like she is doing it to avoid losing the friendship perhaps and not due to the emotions for me.

It sounds to me like she valued and misses your friendship. She likely wants that back but is testing out the waters to make sure you aren't still in your feelings about her. If you are she will probably flee again. So to avoid getting your feelings hurt, be honest with yourself about how you feel about her now, don't try and be friends if you feel more or she will likely run off and leave you hurt again. Can't say for sure, but from my own experience, I don't like hurting people I care for so will avoid these type of situations.

I too want the old friendship back but I just can't trust her at the moment. I feel cold and sometimes angry towards her and feel there is no point in it since maybe we aren't compatible. Her actions don't seem genuine. But things aren't clear at the moment. I felt we had a really strong bond before but doubt whether it is possible to get there again if she isn't committed fully to it.

You're not angry at her. You're angry at yourself for being so dumb. Forgive yourself for your mistakes and the anger will go away.

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Lol maybe I have been dumb to still hold on but that is only because I just felt a very close connection with her. I am good, I don't let it affect me now much. Guess being cold helps.

Posted by blvckphvse

Posted by Capricorn91

Posted by blvckphvse

Posted by Capricorn91

I thought the same too. And I had accepted it and moved on. But she was always angry at me in these 2 years but I didn't talk to her much.

Hmm the way things started going south. I had told her she was ignoring me a lot that time and prob she felt a bit hurt by it. And the next day she was being more attentive to me and it just seemed forced and not her natural self. The same I feel now as well. Like she is doing it to avoid losing the friendship perhaps and not due to the emotions for me.

It sounds to me like she valued and misses your friendship. She likely wants that back but is testing out the waters to make sure you aren't still in your feelings about her. If you are she will probably flee again. So to avoid getting your feelings hurt, be honest with yourself about how you feel about her now, don't try and be friends if you feel more or she will likely run off and leave you hurt again. Can't say for sure, but from my own experience, I don't like hurting people I care for so will avoid these type of situations.

I too want the old friendship back but I just can't trust her at the moment. I feel cold and sometimes angry towards her and feel there is no point in it since maybe we aren't compatible. Her actions don't seem genuine. But things aren't clear at the moment. I felt we had a really strong bond before but doubt whether it is possible to get there again if she isn't committed fully to it.

If that is how you feel about it, it may be better to just leave things as they are and not try to rekindle the friendship. Too many bad feelings in the way for just a friendship.

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Yes i agree and that is why I am not expecting anything and keeping it superficial.