Gay-Friendzoned. Do I still have a chance?

I'm gay Aries, love this Leo-man. In January last year, I confessed to him. He told me that he still can't open his heart to anyone because of his bad experience in his last relationship, but he said that he comfortable being with me. So I keep pursuing him. We act like couples, we dinner, watching movies, etc. We also had sex many times. I love him, but I felt that he doesn't feel the same way.

This May, he met a guy, a Sagittarius one. I asked him, "Are you dating him?", he answered with a no. "Do you loves him?", he unsure about that and he said don't know yet. They met a lot and texted a lot.

After that, I wanted to tell him about my feelings. So I drew a book about it, what we did, what happened, what movie we watched, what I liked about him and my true feeling towards him. I showed him the book, and at the last page, he cried. He only said "Sorry," while swipe his tears. He is strong, and I think Leo-man never cry but he did. So I told him that I'll always be with him and never leave him anything happened. We hugged and he said, thank you.

Finally, I had a chance and asked him, what he thinks about me. I got the answer. He said, I'm the only one best friend he had. He can be himself only while being with me. He likes me, but never love me in a romantic way. He told me that I am TOO VALUABLE to be his boyfriend. He afraid. Afraid of losing me. If we dating and if something bad happened after break up, he just don't wanna that happened to us. He want to be my best friend and behave or act as usual. He also said, all next decision is on me. He will accept and respect anything I choose.

SO,

What should I do? I want to move on, leave him and never wanna meet him again. Or... Should I keep my promises to never leave him and take a chance to make him love me someday.

Do I still have a chance? For dear Leo, have you ever friendzoned someone? Will you consider them to be your gf/bf or will never happened?

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Note: I want him introduce this Sagittarius-man to me. But he can't. He said that he kinda "lied" to this Sagi-man. If Sagi-man know that he has a gay-friend like me, this Sagi-man will mad. I really sad when he said that.

Yep your were definitely friendzoned...but earlier than you thought. It's possible you were a rebound if he was still sensitive about his last relationship. The fact that he moved on to a Sagittarius man even though he was having sex with you makes me think he was using you as the means to get over his heartache.

To clarify, you were a friend with benefits (physical connection without any emotional responsibility on his part). This is the inverse of your current situation being "friendzoned" (emotional connection without any physical responsibility on his part). Either way neither situation is ideal if you have romantic inteintions.

Unfortunately you allowed this all to happen. You met this guy's needs without making sure to properly take care of your own. If you were looking to just hook up that would be different, but it sounds like you've had emotional intentions for a while now. The Leo however has made it clear though that he doesn't want you in that wat. He doesn't want to "risk" the relationship you already have.

That sounds nice, but it's not really the entire truth. He knows your feelings, but is still willing to put you on the backburner under the pretense of friendship. For him this is the easier decision, so that he can pursue the Sag and have you as support (or potentially backup) in case things don't work out. Is that the position where you want to be? Realize that this guy may want you around right now, but if things get serious with the Sagittarius (or anyone else), you may find that his attitude will change towards you.

Again if you weren't romantically interested in this guy, then this wouldn't be an issue. However that's not the case. You want to be with this man both emotionally and physically. As a result accepting either the "friend" or "friend with benefits" status isn't productive. It's essentially a lie. Yes you care about him, but have underlying feelings that one of his buddies or platonic friends defintely wouldn't have. You're not his "friend" nor do you want to be one.

So should you accept friendship? No. First and foremost, it's not what you want from him. You want something more and deserve a partner who can reciprocate your feelings. Accepting friendship only guarantees that you will keep yourself vulnerable and stuck him, which will only set yourself up for disappointment.

Let him know that you care about him too deeply and being just his friend would only hurt you. You can't watch him date and potentially fall in love with another man. To ask you to do that is simply unfair to you. Let him know that if he changes his mind, to definitely contact you because you would love to pursue something more with him. This is FAR more honest than accepting a "frienship".

At that point you need to walk away. If he wants you back, he'll reach out. When he does, that's when you'll invite him over. Your pursuit of this man though is done. He pushed you away, so now he has to face the consquences of that. Continuing contact will only justify his notion that the two of you can be just friends. Backing away shows that you are internally strong, value yourself, and know what you have to offer. People who do not feel they have high value or who overvalue their loved ones will choose to wait indefinitely with the hope that the friendship will turn into romance.

Furthermore, absence makes the heart grow stronger (if someone actually cares about you). If this Leo really wants you around that won't change, even if you back away and give him the space to pursue other people. Give him the space to miss you. Likewise backing away will help you clear your head and open yourself up to new possibilites as well. It is the self-respecting thing to do if you want to find a partner who truly appreciates you.

That all being said, don't be rude or cold to him when you walk away. Don't be angry, end things in a caring manner. This will confue him and keep him thinking about you for a while. Why? People who break things off expect to be chased (on some level). They don't expect to be dumped right back, in fact they think it's impossible. Backing away shows your confidence and will make the Leo possibly doubt his decision.

Thank you so much for your advice.

You are right. Now, his behaviour changed a little.

But he keep saying that they are not in any relationship yet. I think he lied.

It really hurts when I know he update status about him or when I know they meet. Hahaha..

So.. yeah I think I'll do what you suggested. This July 31st is his birthday. I think it's the perfect day to say farewell.

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Oh..one more.

I helped him moved to his new rent house. He really thanked me. Then, suddenly he invited me to his hometown and sleep over. I agreed and I said in July 30th before his birthday is perfect time. He never invite any friends to his house, his personal space. He always keep it secret to anyone. But now, he want me sleep over. He really want me to be his friends huh? I kinda doubt my decision to leave him hahaha.

But i have to. I want to move on and live in a happy life with someone who will appreciate me, right? ^^

Posted by Ariyas
Thank you so much for your advice.

You are right. Now, his behaviour changed a little.

But he keep saying that they are not in any relationship yet. I think he lied.

It really hurts when I know he update status about him or when I know they meet. Hahaha..

So.. yeah I think I'll do what you suggested. This July 31st is his birthday. I think it's the perfect day to say farewell.

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Oh..one more.

I helped him moved to his new rent house. He really thanked me. Then, suddenly he invited me to his hometown and sleep over. I agreed and I said in July 30th before his birthday is perfect time. He never invite any friends to his house, his personal space. He always keep it secret to anyone. But now, he want me sleep over. He really want me to be his friends huh? I kinda doubt my decision to leave him hahaha.

But i have to. I want to move on and live in a happy life with someone who will appreciate me, right? ^^

Right. That's not to say you can't eventually be friends with the guy, but you have to remain true to your feelings. If he can't reciprocate, you don't want to shut yourself off from other possibilities. Simply let him know that you care for him, but if he doesn't feel the same way, you'll need to find someone who can give you everything you need in a relationship. Let him know that your door is open if he changes his mind, but you can't stand by while he gives his love to someone else. Let him know that doing so would be unfair to you. Let him know that he can reach out if he decides he wants to give the two of you a shot.

That's it. After than move on with you life and let him do the same.