How can I communicate effectively? (Page 2)

I didn’t even mean for this topic to get so messy. Haha I genuinely wanted to see if I could possibly communicate more effectively. But, ya know things aren’t always what they seem. I’m trying to focus on that, while kind of being blind to the fact there is deeper shit going on. Well not blind, but hoping to improve it with communication. I mean I’m a Libra with a Gemini moon and Virgo Mars and Venus. If ya’ll don’t think I’ve tried every damn angle to make this work analytically, logically.....



But that’s probably the problem... I’m all planning, mental masturbation, not enough feeling it through. Listening to my intuition.

Posted by nikkistar

Posted by heliumfiasco

He said he fears he has it. Not that he does.

That’s he’s scheduling an Appointment.

He said it flippantly after telling me the rest. I would never ever not be supportive. In fact I’m hurt that he’s carried that around without sharing his fear with me. It makes me realize how disconnected he is from me.

When I tell you guys that this has been a struggle I’m genuine. This is a man so private that he literally doesn’t have one friend in this city that’s he’s lived in for 12 years. Not one. I’m not exaggerating. Him letting me into his life was huge.... but I don’t think he knows how to really have me in it.

He is always in a lot of pain. But I thought it was normal 37 year old, working all day pain. Not anything more. I feel awful.

If he has RA, or any auto immune issue, it isn't pretty.

My mom has RA. I have hashimoto's.

My mom is in constant pain all day everyday. Her hands and ankles get it the worst. She basically has to take chemo drugs to keep her symptoms at bay.

With hashimoto's, I have to get my entire thyroid removed, and unfortunately the hypothyroidism turned into blood pressure issues that have now progressed to congestive heart failure. This was all because my doctor's wouldn't listen to me when I said autoimmune issues are a huge issue in my lineage.

If he has this, and aspy on top of it all, I would say have to say that what he has/had done for you was of great compromise on his part. I hope that he will settle down a little and you guys can open another dialogue and the break up isn't permanent. But just my two cents here, you should probably understand the sheer work he put into you and this relationship, if he has both of those conditions.

click to expand

I think you’re absolutely right, and I do not doubt at all the work he put into this. And I know beyond a doubt he truly loves me. He has told me repeatedly that he has tried harder for me than anyone and that he truly was content on being alone.

Posted by heliumfiasco

Posted by nikkistar

Posted by heliumfiasco

He said he fears he has it. Not that he does.

That’s he’s scheduling an Appointment.

He said it flippantly after telling me the rest. I would never ever not be supportive. In fact I’m hurt that he’s carried that around without sharing his fear with me. It makes me realize how disconnected he is from me.

When I tell you guys that this has been a struggle I’m genuine. This is a man so private that he literally doesn’t have one friend in this city that’s he’s lived in for 12 years. Not one. I’m not exaggerating. Him letting me into his life was huge.... but I don’t think he knows how to really have me in it.

He is always in a lot of pain. But I thought it was normal 37 year old, working all day pain. Not anything more. I feel awful.

If he has RA, or any auto immune issue, it isn't pretty.

My mom has RA. I have hashimoto's.

My mom is in constant pain all day everyday. Her hands and ankles get it the worst. She basically has to take chemo drugs to keep her symptoms at bay.

With hashimoto's, I have to get my entire thyroid removed, and unfortunately the hypothyroidism turned into blood pressure issues that have now progressed to congestive heart failure. This was all because my doctor's wouldn't listen to me when I said autoimmune issues are a huge issue in my lineage.

If he has this, and aspy on top of it all, I would say have to say that what he has/had done for you was of great compromise on his part. I hope that he will settle down a little and you guys can open another dialogue and the break up isn't permanent. But just my two cents here, you should probably understand the sheer work he put into you and this relationship, if he has both of those conditions.

I think you’re absolutely right, and I do not doubt at all the work he put into this. And I know beyond a doubt he truly loves me. He has told me repeatedly that he has tried harder for me than anyone and that he truly was content on being alone.

click to expand

So if that is the case, think to yourself, why you have the need to "fix" seemingly small things like texting 7/7 days instead of 6/7? Why are you requiring what you deem as "compromise" in what appears to be only one sided compromise that benefits you?

Just food for thought.

Posted by nanorobot

What is the status of him and asperger’s? I saw that being mentioned before and can’t find it now. I remember a long time ago, you making a thread about dating someone with it. Is this him?

I do think the potential RA and Aspergers changes everything about the dynamic of this relationship. He might be suffering in ways that you don’t know, and obviously there is much room for leniency when it comes to social/communication expectations of someone who is on the spectrum.

He told me when we first met that he was told as a kid he was on the spectrum, but his mother refused to believe or address it. But, that he also fully believes he is.

Being around him for a year, I can say for sure that he is. Extremely talented artist. Brilliant mind. But, very hard for him to connect with others. He is socially aware though... not totally unable to pick up on social cues... but he constantly talks about how hard human interaction is and how he doesn’t belong on this planet. Frequently!!!!

Posted by nikkistar

Posted by heliumfiasco

Posted by nikkistar

Posted by heliumfiasco

He said he fears he has it. Not that he does.

That’s he’s scheduling an Appointment.

He said it flippantly after telling me the rest. I would never ever not be supportive. In fact I’m hurt that he’s carried that around without sharing his fear with me. It makes me realize how disconnected he is from me.

When I tell you guys that this has been a struggle I’m genuine. This is a man so private that he literally doesn’t have one friend in this city that’s he’s lived in for 12 years. Not one. I’m not exaggerating. Him letting me into his life was huge.... but I don’t think he knows how to really have me in it.

He is always in a lot of pain. But I thought it was normal 37 year old, working all day pain. Not anything more. I feel awful.

If he has RA, or any auto immune issue, it isn't pretty.

My mom has RA. I have hashimoto's.

My mom is in constant pain all day everyday. Her hands and ankles get it the worst. She basically has to take chemo drugs to keep her symptoms at bay.

With hashimoto's, I have to get my entire thyroid removed, and unfortunately the hypothyroidism turned into blood pressure issues that have now progressed to congestive heart failure. This was all because my doctor's wouldn't listen to me when I said autoimmune issues are a huge issue in my lineage.

If he has this, and aspy on top of it all, I would say have to say that what he has/had done for you was of great compromise on his part. I hope that he will settle down a little and you guys can open another dialogue and the break up isn't permanent. But just my two cents here, you should probably understand the sheer work he put into you and this relationship, if he has both of those conditions.

I think you’re absolutely right, and I do not doubt at all the work he put into this. And I know beyond a doubt he truly loves me. He has told me repeatedly that he has tried harder for me than anyone and that he truly was content on being alone.

So if that is the case, think to yourself, why you have the need to "fix" seemingly small things like texting 7/7 days instead of 6/7? Why are you requiring what you deem as "compromise" in what appears to be only one sided compromise that benefits you?

Just food for thought.

click to expand

You know, I’ve thought about that today, and The texting is definitely an outer projection of how I feel there isn’t a true merging. After a year, he is still so distant. He feels this is the closest intimacy he’s ever had with someone, and to me I feel like it’s the least in some ways. And, I’m sure that me feeling that way has had a negative impact on him. I’m definitely not blameless in things. We have the most amazing philosophical talks. Most amazing openness about our pasts, our feelings, sexually .... but there is this weird gap between merging our actual lives. It’s hard to explain. It’s like every time we see each other it’s a first date. It’s like we can’t get past that first date, talk til 2am about your life phase. Which is beautiful in a way, but like I want a partner in actual life. I’ve said this so many times. It’s weird. Even the way I wrote it doesn’t do justice to what I’m trying to convey. It’s like there is an invisible wall I can’t explain it.

But is also the best relationship Ive probably had... but maybe it’s a friendship.

Posted by Black-Mamba

I hope you’re there for him even as a friend

Oh absolutely. I told him I’d drive him to his appt, talk to him, that my family also loves him and will be there for him if needed. He isn’t alone.

Posted by heliumfiasco

You know, I’ve thought about that today, and The texting is definitely an outer projection of how I feel there isn’t a true merging. After a year, he is still so distant. He feels this is the closest intimacy he’s ever had with someone, and to me I feel like it’s the least.

I am highlighting this part only.

If he has RA and Aspy, then this is/was the closest he has ever had. Even by your own words, he was content with being single and not having a single friend. But you are projecting your needs onto him, and demanding a whole lot more than he has ever given ANYONE other than YOU.

So as you do recognize your shortcomings, you actively need to keep reminding yourself that he has compromised with you 100 fold more than anyone else ever, instead of purely looking at what he "hasn't" done for you. Because you keep reverting to thinking of things on your terms, instead of his as well. Even if you don't think you are. RA with Aspy is a hell of a combo, and I get a feeling that your need for one sided compromise that really only benefits you, is very tough for him to swallow when HE believes he's probably done a lot more work than you.

Posted by nikkistar

Posted by heliumfiasco

You know, I’ve thought about that today, and The texting is definitely an outer projection of how I feel there isn’t a true merging. After a year, he is still so distant. He feels this is the closest intimacy he’s ever had with someone, and to me I feel like it’s the least.

I am highlighting this part only.

If he has RA and Aspy, then this is/was the closest he has ever had. Even by your own words, he was content with being single and not having a single friend. But you are projecting your needs onto him, and demanding a whole lot more than he has ever given ANYONE other than YOU.

So as you do recognize your shortcomings, you actively need to keep reminding yourself that he has compromised with you 100 fold more than anyone else ever, instead of purely looking at what he "hasn't" done for you. Because you keep reverting to thinking of things on your terms, instead of his as well. Even if you don't think you are. RA with Aspy is a hell of a combo, and I get a feeling that your need for one sided compromise that really only benefits you, is very tough for him to swallow when HE believes he's probably done a lot more work than you.

click to expand

When I read that it really triggered some memories of past conversations. I appreciate that honesty because I think there is truth to what your saying. He probably does feel that way.

Posted by heliumfiasco

Posted by nikkistar

Posted by heliumfiasco

You know, I’ve thought about that today, and The texting is definitely an outer projection of how I feel there isn’t a true merging. After a year, he is still so distant. He feels this is the closest intimacy he’s ever had with someone, and to me I feel like it’s the least.

I am highlighting this part only.

If he has RA and Aspy, then this is/was the closest he has ever had. Even by your own words, he was content with being single and not having a single friend. But you are projecting your needs onto him, and demanding a whole lot more than he has ever given ANYONE other than YOU.

So as you do recognize your shortcomings, you actively need to keep reminding yourself that he has compromised with you 100 fold more than anyone else ever, instead of purely looking at what he "hasn't" done for you. Because you keep reverting to thinking of things on your terms, instead of his as well. Even if you don't think you are. RA with Aspy is a hell of a combo, and I get a feeling that your need for one sided compromise that really only benefits you, is very tough for him to swallow when HE believes he's probably done a lot more work than you.

When I read that it really triggered some memories of past conversations. I appreciate that honesty because I think there is truth to what your saying. He probably does feel that way.

click to expand

I hope you guys are able to work it out. If he has Aspy, than he really is trying very much with you.

Posted by nikkistar

Posted by heliumfiasco

Posted by nikkistar

Posted by heliumfiasco

You know, I’ve thought about that today, and The texting is definitely an outer projection of how I feel there isn’t a true merging. After a year, he is still so distant. He feels this is the closest intimacy he’s ever had with someone, and to me I feel like it’s the least.

I am highlighting this part only.

If he has RA and Aspy, then this is/was the closest he has ever had. Even by your own words, he was content with being single and not having a single friend. But you are projecting your needs onto him, and demanding a whole lot more than he has ever given ANYONE other than YOU.

So as you do recognize your shortcomings, you actively need to keep reminding yourself that he has compromised with you 100 fold more than anyone else ever, instead of purely looking at what he "hasn't" done for you. Because you keep reverting to thinking of things on your terms, instead of his as well. Even if you don't think you are. RA with Aspy is a hell of a combo, and I get a feeling that your need for one sided compromise that really only benefits you, is very tough for him to swallow when HE believes he's probably done a lot more work than you.

When I read that it really triggered some memories of past conversations. I appreciate that honesty because I think there is truth to what your saying. He probably does feel that way.

I hope you guys are able to work it out. If he has Aspy, than he really is trying very much with you.

click to expand

Are you referring to Asperger's? Yeah that would explain a lot more.

Posted by Chuckcem

Posted by nikkistar

Posted by heliumfiasco

Posted by nikkistar

Posted by heliumfiasco

You know, I’ve thought about that today, and The texting is definitely an outer projection of how I feel there isn’t a true merging. After a year, he is still so distant. He feels this is the closest intimacy he’s ever had with someone, and to me I feel like it’s the least.

I am highlighting this part only.

If he has RA and Aspy, then this is/was the closest he has ever had. Even by your own words, he was content with being single and not having a single friend. But you are projecting your needs onto him, and demanding a whole lot more than he has ever given ANYONE other than YOU.

So as you do recognize your shortcomings, you actively need to keep reminding yourself that he has compromised with you 100 fold more than anyone else ever, instead of purely looking at what he "hasn't" done for you. Because you keep reverting to thinking of things on your terms, instead of his as well. Even if you don't think you are. RA with Aspy is a hell of a combo, and I get a feeling that your need for one sided compromise that really only benefits you, is very tough for him to swallow when HE believes he's probably done a lot more work than you.

When I read that it really triggered some memories of past conversations. I appreciate that honesty because I think there is truth to what your saying. He probably does feel that way.

I hope you guys are able to work it out. If he has Aspy, than he really is trying very much with you.

Are you referring to Asperger's? Yeah that would explain a lot more.

click to expand

I am.

Posted by Black-Mamba

@chuckcem do you think your method is healthy? You said that people who text are insecure?

I Dont get that statement

People have become far too dependent on texting not just as a mode of communication, but as a source of emotional validation. Do not get me wrong, texting is a useful tool, but should not be relied upon as heavily as most people do. It fails to incorporate the subtle yet important cues that are normally conveyed through body language, tone of voice, and sometimes even context. Simply put, people have become addicted to constant communication and the validation that comes with it. The need to constantly text has become the source of insecurity in our relationships.

Every person receives a dopamine boost from the feeling of being included or wanted. The boost is even stronger when we receive communication from someone who seems to reciprocate our own feelings. However when the dopamine boost becomes more frequent, we become more dependent on it (like a drug). We are then fixated on how often we receive responses instead of on how meaningful the content of the communication actually is. We become obligated to consistent "check-ins" multiple times a day. The phrase, "everyone has time to text" is proof of this. We place vague expectations on how/when we should respond to each other that simply did not exist before the advent of texting. Basically just because someone "could" text, does not mean that the "should" text.

On its own texting is not problematic, at least until it becomes the root cause of an avoidable conflict. Most of these issues arise due to a lapse in communication that makes someone feel insecure, ignored, and as if "something is wrong". This creates nervousness and tension that would otherwise not exist if the person had not become so reliant on texting in the first place. If a person is secure in themselves, they do not assume (at least not immediately) that a lapse in communication is an indication of a problem.

The real issue is that we have all convinced ourselves that constant texting is normal. We have even created imaginary rules regarding how we should text, rules that we simply do not apply to other forms of communication. We (as a society) have forced a strange obligation on ourselves because we are afraid to go too long without communication.

Well after everyone’s advice, I ended our conversation with the following to him; I’ll respect his stance and I do feel badly how things turned out. Again thank you all so much. I’m actually a pretty private person in my “real” life, not one to burden friends with my personal life. So, coming here to talk has always been helpful.

“Sometimes it’s hard to see outside your own perspective. We each measure things based on experiences, no matter how “woke” we aim to be. No matter how “in the moment” we are. It’s how are minds are setup to operate.

I’m sure in many ways I have discouraged you in the context of “relationships”. But, it was previously based on a comparison of my life experience. Not yours.

In your mind you may not understand why I feel certain ways about communication or “merging”.

You may even feel that you’ve given more to this, because you’ve made massive changes to how your life fundamentally operates. It can make you feel undervalued, that your efforts were not appreciated.

You allowing me into your world was huge. Huge.

But when we view things from the scope of our own worlds, we miss things. What might be huge for you, seems like an ordinary thing to me, or vice versa.

I just want to say, thank you. I know it was hard. Sometimes discouraging, and very confusing for you. It is not a comfortable thing, and you did it for me. You opened up, to only be told it wasn’t enough. But maybe I missed how far you actually had to walk to get to where you were. Maybe it was a further walk than I knew. Maybe you walked further than I did. Maybe we left from a totally different starting point.

Had I grasped the significance earlier on, I think it would have helped prevent damage that was ultimately done. Merely from a lack of understanding of our different worlds.

I just thought I needed to say that. I’m sorry for my part.”

For the record- I think texting has really minimized human interaction. It cheapens it. It leads to lots of miscommunications. Unfortunately, it was the main form of communication between us, and that was actually not my fault in this particular situation. We had discussions about it frequently. Because of his schedule it was most convenient for him. Any time I pushed us to talk in person it always was 100% effective. Text not so much.

Posted by Phantum

Posted by Chuckcem

Posted by Black-Mamba

@chuckcem do you think your method is healthy? You said that people who text are insecure?

I Dont get that statement

People have become far too dependent on texting not just as a mode of communication, but as a source of emotional validation. Do not get me wrong, texting is a useful tool, but should not be relied upon as heavily as most people do. It fails to incorporate the subtle yet important cues that are normally conveyed through body language, tone of voice, and sometimes even context. Simply put, people have become addicted to constant communication and the validation that comes with it. The need to constantly text has become the source of insecurity in our relationships.

Every person receives a dopamine boost from the feeling of being included or wanted. The boost is even stronger when we receive communication from someone who seems to reciprocate our own feelings. However when the dopamine boost becomes more frequent, we become more dependent on it (like a drug). We are then fixated on how often we receive responses instead of on how meaningful the content of the communication actually is. We become obligated to consistent "check-ins" multiple times a day. The phrase, "everyone has time to text" is proof of this. We place vague expectations on how/when we should respond to each other that simply did not exist before the advent of texting. Basically just because someone "could" text, does not mean that the "should" text.

On its own texting is not problematic, at least until it becomes the root cause of an avoidable conflict. Most of these issues arise due to a lapse in communication that makes someone feel insecure, ignored, and as if "something is wrong". This creates nervousness and tension that would otherwise not exist if the person had not become so reliant on texting in the first place. If a person is secure in themselves, they do not assume (at least not immediately) that a lapse in communication is an indication of a problem.

The real issue is that we have all convinced ourselves that constant texting is normal. We have even created imaginary rules regarding how we should text, rules that we simply do not apply to other forms of communication. We (as a society) have forced a strange obligation on ourselves because we are afraid to go too long without communication.

Text is just a tool, like the phone or a letter or an email. Not answering someone is rude, regardless of the tool used to reach you.

I also don't understand how "texting constantly" is part of this conversation, when that wasn't what she complained about.

People under a certain age do almost all of their communicating by text. It alarms me too, but not answering their texts means not communicating with them.

click to expand

I'm explaining how texting creates insecurity. My full explanation regarding texting pertains less to OP's particular situation and more toward Black Mamba's question.

That being said, texting does create an expectation to communicate. If someone does not respond via phone or mail, the normal procedure is to call/mail again. This was pretty common over 20 years ago. If someone did not respond to a call or a letter, people did not immediately assume the worst. They simply attempted to communicate again. This is not the case with texting. A lack of a response usually means something negative for most people. Yes some people may "double text" when their initial text does not receive a response, but there are even imaginary rules against doing that too. The idea that we have to respond to a text (regardless of its source/relevance) or otherwise we labeled as "rude".

For example if a person receives a call and does not return it for a few days because they were busy, that is fine. Most people will not have an issue with that. In fact we have accepted the fact that people may not even check their voicemail messages if they miss the call. However if a person receives a text and does not reply "all day", then it is a problem for most people. This is because our society has somehow associated the "ease" of texting with "importance".

We now feel validated to impose our communication on others. We are like selfish kids that demand attention and feel slighted when we do not receive the validation of a response. The more immediate the response, the more important we feel. We have even made arbitrary rules regarding how important a text is to the recipient based on how "quickly" they respond. This is especially true when it comes to dating/relationships.

Posted by blvckphvze

Posted by Phantum

Posted by Chuckcem

Posted by Black-Mamba

@chuckcem do you think your method is healthy? You said that people who text are insecure?

I Dont get that statement

People have become far too dependent on texting not just as a mode of communication, but as a source of emotional validation. Do not get me wrong, texting is a useful tool, but should not be relied upon as heavily as most people do. It fails to incorporate the subtle yet important cues that are normally conveyed through body language, tone of voice, and sometimes even context. Simply put, people have become addicted to constant communication and the validation that comes with it. The need to constantly text has become the source of insecurity in our relationships.

Every person receives a dopamine boost from the feeling of being included or wanted. The boost is even stronger when we receive communication from someone who seems to reciprocate our own feelings. However when the dopamine boost becomes more frequent, we become more dependent on it (like a drug). We are then fixated on how often we receive responses instead of on how meaningful the content of the communication actually is. We become obligated to consistent "check-ins" multiple times a day. The phrase, "everyone has time to text" is proof of this. We place vague expectations on how/when we should respond to each other that simply did not exist before the advent of texting. Basically just because someone "could" text, does not mean that the "should" text.

On its own texting is not problematic, at least until it becomes the root cause of an avoidable conflict. Most of these issues arise due to a lapse in communication that makes someone feel insecure, ignored, and as if "something is wrong". This creates nervousness and tension that would otherwise not exist if the person had not become so reliant on texting in the first place. If a person is secure in themselves, they do not assume (at least not immediately) that a lapse in communication is an indication of a problem.

The real issue is that we have all convinced ourselves that constant texting is normal. We have even created imaginary rules regarding how we should text, rules that we simply do not apply to other forms of communication. We (as a society) have forced a strange obligation on ourselves because we are afraid to go too long without communication.

Text is just a tool, like the phone or a letter or an email. Not answering someone is rude, regardless of the tool used to reach you.

I also don't understand how "texting constantly" is part of this conversation, when that wasn't what she complained about.

People under a certain age do almost all of their communicating by text. It alarms me too, but not answering their texts means not communicating with them.

I think he was just further elaborating because Mamba asked. It strikes me as rude as well to be ignored, but I think he just meant it shouldn't be relied on as sole means of communication. It's hard for some people to avoid if they are at a distance though. So it's tough. I know myself that texting has done a lot of damage to my past relationship due to miscommunications. It's a bummer. I miss the old days when we'd call our boo from a phone attached to the wall, then go on with our lives when the call ended. Seemed so much simpler.

click to expand

Yep! I actually receive/send a LOT of texts since I'm both very busy and very social. However I think texting has made us all more neurotic as a society.

Posted by Phantum

Posted by Chuckcem

Posted by Phantum

Posted by Chuckcem

Posted by Black-Mamba

@chuckcem do you think your method is healthy? You said that people who text are insecure?

I Dont get that statement

People have become far too dependent on texting not just as a mode of communication, but as a source of emotional validation. Do not get me wrong, texting is a useful tool, but should not be relied upon as heavily as most people do. It fails to incorporate the subtle yet important cues that are normally conveyed through body language, tone of voice, and sometimes even context. Simply put, people have become addicted to constant communication and the validation that comes with it. The need to constantly text has become the source of insecurity in our relationships.

Every person receives a dopamine boost from the feeling of being included or wanted. The boost is even stronger when we receive communication from someone who seems to reciprocate our own feelings. However when the dopamine boost becomes more frequent, we become more dependent on it (like a drug). We are then fixated on how often we receive responses instead of on how meaningful the content of the communication actually is. We become obligated to consistent "check-ins" multiple times a day. The phrase, "everyone has time to text" is proof of this. We place vague expectations on how/when we should respond to each other that simply did not exist before the advent of texting. Basically just because someone "could" text, does not mean that the "should" text.

On its own texting is not problematic, at least until it becomes the root cause of an avoidable conflict. Most of these issues arise due to a lapse in communication that makes someone feel insecure, ignored, and as if "something is wrong". This creates nervousness and tension that would otherwise not exist if the person had not become so reliant on texting in the first place. If a person is secure in themselves, they do not assume (at least not immediately) that a lapse in communication is an indication of a problem.

The real issue is that we have all convinced ourselves that constant texting is normal. We have even created imaginary rules regarding how we should text, rules that we simply do not apply to other forms of communication. We (as a society) have forced a strange obligation on ourselves because we are afraid to go too long without communication.

Text is just a tool, like the phone or a letter or an email. Not answering someone is rude, regardless of the tool used to reach you.

I also don't understand how "texting constantly" is part of this conversation, when that wasn't what she complained about.

People under a certain age do almost all of their communicating by text. It alarms me too, but not answering their texts means not communicating with them.

I'm explaining how texting creates insecurity. My full explanation regarding texting pertains less to OP's particular situation and more toward Black Mamba's question.

That being said, texting does create an expectation to communicate. If someone does not respond via phone or mail, the normal procedure is to call/mail again. This was pretty common over 20 years ago. If someone did not respond to a call or a letter, people did not immediately assume the worst. They simply attempted to communicate again. This is not the case with texting. A lack of a response usually means something negative for most people. Yes some people may "double text" when their initial text does not receive a response, but there are even imaginary rules against doing that too. The idea that we have to respond to a text (regardless of its source/relevance) or otherwise we labeled as "rude".

For example if a person receives a call and does not return it for a few days because they were busy, that is fine. Most people will not have an issue with that. In fact we have accepted the fact that people may not even check their voicemail messages if they miss the call. However if a person receives a text and does not reply "all day", then it is a problem for most people. This is because our society has somehow associated the "ease" of texting with "importance".

We now feel validated to impose our communication on others. We are like selfish kids that demand attention and feel slighted when we do not receive the validation of a response. The more immediate the response, the more important we feel. We have even made arbitrary rules regarding how important a text is to the recipient based on how "quickly" they respond. This is especially true when it comes to dating/relationships.

I guess I don't really get it since I'm not dating and haven't been since texting became a thing. I sometimes take days to respond to texts, but not to my husband's texts. I guess I have my own rules.

click to expand

Right it is a bit different when you are not glued to your phone. Also your relationship probably has communication that is not reliant on texting. That's a healthy approach. A lot of people would benefit from doing what you do.

Damn...I'm so sorry it ended that way.

Do make sure to check up on him tho...he's severely depressed which is heartbreaking to see from a Leo. They hide it so well due to the pride but man when they show you...it definitely pulls at the heart strings.

Idk...I have a feeling it ain't over between y'all but that's just me.