I don't even know...

How to understand this?.........

Scorpio says he left because I was no longer committed to us.
First of all, its funny.
I mean... Its oxymoronic.

This man and I entered a cold war when what should have been a flu turned into a pregnancy. I was blamed for this.
For this same reason, there was very little intimacy all through baby's growing time. This was not through a lack of trying. Do you know how it feels to be rejected? As a Leo, its devastating.
Then, immediately the file was downloaded and the USB was safely ejected, he became poster dad for the Pefect Family.

And, apparently, I'm the one who was no longer committed.

I was the one who stayed in a marriage where my husband didn't want anything to do with me as long as I refused to see "reason".

I feel soooooo....... Cheated.

He could just walk away with no qualms.

I stupidly stayed.

Argghhhhh..

you are right.

I'm trying to be ok. yeah.

*hugs*

I'm so sorry 😢
Sounds like he's the one not committed to the family and he's trying to pin this on you..

Thanks Tamara and Elly.

*hugs*

Posted by crabbycrab76
I'm so sorry 😢
Sounds like he's the one not committed to the family and he's trying to pin this on you..

Indeed. He didn't want kids or set down roots.

So, I told him I feel for him that he had to pretend for so long because I'm not worth the pain it must have been, and if he'd rather he never saw our son and I again, we'll try our best not to get in his way.

That seems to have knocked back some sense into him.

Why do men think they can be manipulative and get away with it?

Because some men are use to being allowed to get away with it. You have every right to call him out on his shitty ways and every right not to be an emotional doormat for him.

He may not have wanted to be a father or set down roots, but the fact is he IS a father - so who he REALLY is as a man will now show.

Your happiness doesn't end with him - if nothing else, he has provided a pathway to your happiness.

May I encourage you to not let the fact he never wanted to be a father resolve him of ANY financial responsibilities towards your son. You didn't have this child on your own and shouldn't carry the financial burden on your own. You can always find a decent man whom you respect (family friend/member, friend , community leader) that can be a male role model to your son.

I never understood how men could turn their back on their own flesh and blood. As a man, I could never do that no matter what the problems were between me and the mother.

You will heal over time and find someone who will appreciate your commitment to the relationship.

He and our son are joined at the hip. Virtually inseparable.

Which is why I'm so pissed off too.

Thank you for the encouragement, Crabby. You crabs just get it. I wasn't going to take child support but my step dad won't hear it. I bet he could take me to court if I don't consider it. lol

So, I will.

So he basically, didn't want a child, treated you like shit during the pregnancy, now enjoys what you gave him, but throws away the person who gave him that gift. What a fucking asshole!

Rejection is a horrible thing to experience - it leaves the feeling of being thrown away. But if you could remember he is not rejecting you, he is rejecting your principle to stand up for yourself and not be treated like shit by him

You know the sacrifices you made and the depth you were willing to bend to make the marriage work. It doesn't matter what anybody else thinks or how they see him. He can be father of the year and it still won't cleanse his soul of the wrong he's done to you.

He just didn't appreciate your love. So, share yourself with someone who wants the love and devotion you bring and who can give the same to you. Let that asshole enjoy the fruits of his selfish ways with some other unsuspecting target.

Posted by 037
He and our son are joined at the hip. Virtually inseparable.

Which is why I'm so pissed off too.

I wasn't going to take child support

So, I will.

He tried to strip of who you are deep down inside..please PLEASE don't you dare let him strip you financially.

He may decide when the thrill of parenting wears off or when parenting is not FUN anymore - that's he's done being father of the year - and then discards his son too! You never know what the future will bring, so you need to prepare for the worse and expect the best. REGARDLESS of what he says, now is the time to go ahead and get legal documents that will require him to pay child support. Do it now while he's *so eager to win father of the year*.

I've seen it over and over and over again, the mother puts trusts in the father because she believes the father loves the child soooo much and he will NEVER abandon the child, but as life changes and the years go by and he starts to have other responsibilities (more children, or just want more things for himself) that SAME person will have no qualms skipping out on taking care of his own. And you've already seen what he is capable of doing when he feels justified.

Crabby, this is really very helpful. 🙂

I didn't want to take the money... leave him to figure out what his son needs and respond to that by himself.

You've really given me a lot to think through.

Posted by 037
Crabby, this is really very helpful. 🙂

I didn't want to take the money... leave him to figure out what his son needs and respond to that by himself.

You've really given me a lot to think through.

Good! 😉

This hits close to home because my sister's ex husband started out as a great father and provided for their two children very well and generously. But when he got re-married 4 yrs later and he and his new wife purchased a new home - things really changed. My sister was having to practically beg him for help. He was giving money, but very sporadically and even when he did, it wasn't enough.

Then the new wife got pregnant and the money just plain STOPPED. She went on for TWO more yrs, pleading, angry calls, etc - and he got so damn hateful about it, as if he was doing her a favor by giving her anything to help take care of their children. After that, she finally took him to court because that was the only way to get him to help take care of his kids in any CONSISTENT way.

Your ex may very well continue to do the right thing by your son and take care of him. If so, then the legal documentation for child support won't be making him do anything that he wasn't going to do on his own - in which case, the legal documentation is just a formality. But IF he decides to be neglectful towards his duty, then you won't have to try and START working with a possibly backed up court system to get something started that should have been done months if not yrs ago.

I see a lot of single parents (men and women) at the factory I work get con into some kind of verbal agreement with the other parent. I have NEVER EVER seen the verbal agreement work until the child was 18. NEVER. Payment barely continues a couple of yrs before the paying parent begins to feel like *they have done enough and they have a life too*. In the meantime, the parent with the child carries all of the expenses and the responsibility of raising the child and usually have to get help from friends and family until the court settles it. Even then, some people STILL skip out on child support. From what I've seen, it's not worth the stress and he being a scorpio will manipulate the situation and won't give a damn about you or the child over his own wants and needs if he deem it justified.

I know I've talked on this a bit, but you have been so help

ummm...as I was saying... lol

I know I've talked on this a bit, but you have been so helpful with your suggestions regarding me and lioness. I know I don't know you personally, but I would hate to see you taken even more advantage by someone who has hurt you so much without any regrets.

It makes sense to ensure my son's future is quite hopeful. True.


I'm sorry about your sister's difficulties with her ex husband. And you are right about everything.

037 It sounds awfully shit all 'round and I'm so sorry to hear that... you'll be fine, you''l rock it I'm sure x
stay strong *hugs* 🙂

Posted by 037
It makes sense to ensure my son's future is quite hopeful. True.


I'm sorry about your sister's difficulties with her ex husband. And you are right about everything.

Thx. She got remarried and been happily married to her current husband for over 10 yrs. Things do get better. Wounds heal over time.

Posted by 037
...
Then, immediately the file was downloaded and the USB was safely ejected, he became poster dad for the Pefect Family.

And, apparently, I'm the one who was no longer committed.

I was the one who stayed in a marriage where my husband didn't want anything to do with me as long as I refused to see "reason".

Well, yeah....

You aren't supposed to have a problem with him having a problem-- you're

only to rejoice when he's over it.



But... let me remind you of what you already know: (most)

Men do not have the emotional strength and fortitude that women have been

hardwired with-- that's why they die first.

It's a mercy.

You know when you hear about elderly couples... the wife dies, and then the husband

will die, something like three days later?

They can't handle it.

Dramatic example... but you know what I mean. lol

Women, on the other hand, will bury their husband... sometimes, their children, but

they will live, and they will carry others.

All of that to say that (unfortunately, and most unfairly) any forgiveness or understanding

in this scenario, will have to come from you-- because you're the only one who has the

mettle to do it.





Men can be such babies. 😐

Posted by 037
It makes sense to ensure my son's future is quite hopeful. True.


I'm sorry about your sister's difficulties with her ex husband. And you are right about everything.

Ohh.... I should have read the whole thread.

Didn't realize it was to this point.... I'm sorry 😢

*hugs*

Posted by 037
It makes sense to ensure my son's future is quite hopeful. True.


I'm sorry about your sister's difficulties with her ex husband. And you are right about everything.

Ohh.... I should have read the whole thread.

Didn't realize it was to this point.... I'm sorry 😢

*hugs*

Ah Monty, you always bring such perspective.

Posted by Montgomery

Posted by 037
It makes sense to ensure my son's future is quite hopeful. True.


I'm sorry about your sister's difficulties with her ex husband. And you are right about everything.

Ohh.... I should have read the whole thread.

Didn't realize it was to this point.... I'm sorry 😢

*hugs*

click to expand

Actually, little Virgo will be alright, but I agree with Crabby that getting things drawn up legally doesn't hurt.

*Hugs*

Many thanks. 🙂

***** Hugs all *****

Thanks, everyone.

:-)

This is one of those threads where only those who know something already join in.

No offense.

Not sure why but Scorpios seem to be very possessive of their kids and tend to neglect their partner a lot. I would leave if he acted this way because he is not going to change. He might have his good days but overall he will always be like this.