Leo man messing with my head?

My Leo guy is not completely honest with me or perhaps we are just misunderstanding each other's motives.

I hope (without sounding vulgar to some people in these forums reading this) I can get some help in understanding Mr. Leo. I so want to keep our friendship. I don't want to cut him off.

The latest is this.

I have not been talking to Leo man for the past 3 weeks. I found out he is trying to get intimacy back with wife. So he wanted to give their marriage one more chance. If intimacy with wife comes back, he will keep marriage. If not, he will get a divorce.


Anyway, I told him this back and forth is making me sick. I am back to square one, where we were 5 years ago. He was separated when I met him. Then he decided to make marriage work for the kids.

I just needed a break from this all. Told him, I don't want to see him for a while. I need my head back.

We both went happily on with our lives as there was no sexual tension in between us. So we both got some work done while apart.

Then, of course, as time passed, I started feeling his void and I found it foolish to kill our contact. Why not work on friendship, etc. At the same time, Mr. Leo put up a message on Skype which is more privately related to us.

So back in touch again, I insisted on keeping pure friendship. The kind when no sex is involved.

First day was more like, 'How are you?' and courteous.

Then second day, he turned total bazooks on me. He said I can have a Mr. Niceguy boyfriend. He will be happy for me and support me. I cannot have one-night stands.

(cont'd)

However in the meantime, (and listen to this...)

I should not be cutting him off instantly, but we should do it gradually until the desire for sex dies off. We should first eff each other crazy and fullfill any and all fantasy in our books. Then, it will be 50% sex and 50% business. Then slowly we will become like sister and brother and talking sex will feel awkward. We will be able to talk business and become best friends.

He says this is the way he thinks he will have me forever.

I said, Are you crazy? Don't you get sex from your wife already? I am not putting myself inbetween your relationship.

I mean, even writing this down it hurts me. I am disgusted by this all. But if that is going to work out for him, then fine!


First he says OK to friendship, then he flips out. I just want him around. I am willing to suppress my loving for him and just be friends. Is that not possible? Do you believe in what he suggests on 'Sex eventually dying off' theory? Does he think, it is just about fullfilling his fantasies with me and once all done, he can switch off love?

LOL, what are you doing to yourself, Fum? Suppress your loving for him? Suppressing won't get you anywhere because the feeling will still be there & WILL sneak up whenever you're not look. Cut this guy off if you really want to move on with your life. By the way, why are you letting him make all the rules? He wants to have you both, suck YOU dry then discard you when he has had his fill...at least that's what I'm getting from 'until the sex dies off'. You're playing with fire here (pun intended) & you're going to get 1st degree burns if you're not careful. Extinguish the flame once & for all.

I was friends with an ex for many years until recently, I cut him off because having him around wasn't helping me move on. I stopped the sex but I couldn't help feeling that he was getting something out of it emotionally too, the friendship I mean. The guy, 'my' guy is married too & I decided to let him get everything from his marriage. Why should I be the one feeling the voids? Either he works on what is unsatisfactory to him about his marriage, or get a divorce. What you're doing right now is completing all his needs, what he lacks at home he gets it from you..he'll never leave her for that reason. Let him face the reality of his problems with her & take yourself totally out of the equation. Don't be his relief.. you should be his all.

Too many typos there but I'm sure you caught my drift lol.

Posted by WaterCup
I was friends with an ex for many years until recently, I cut him off because having him around wasn't helping me move on. I stopped the sex but I couldn't help feeling that he was getting something out of it emotionally too, the friendship I mean.

The guy, 'my' guy is married too & I decided to let him get everything from his marriage. Why should I be the one feeling the voids? Either he works on what is unsatisfactory to him about his marriage, or get a divorce....

Good of you to share your experience, WC. 🙂

I imagine, though, it was not easy for you-- did he protest, or give you hard time (like FUM's LEO)?

Posted by Montgomery

Posted by WaterCup
I was friends with an ex for many years until recently, I cut him off because having him around wasn't helping me move on. I stopped the sex but I couldn't help feeling that he was getting something out of it emotionally too, the friendship I mean.

The guy, 'my' guy is married too & I decided to let him get everything from his marriage. Why should I be the one feeling the voids? Either he works on what is unsatisfactory to him about his marriage, or get a divorce....

Good of you to share your experience, WC. 🙂

I imagine, though, it was not easy for you-- did he protest, or give you hard time (like FUM's LEO)?

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This has been going on for long mad years between me & him. Every time he irritated me, I'd cut him off but I never really looked deep into the situation...well until recently. Ofcourse he protested like he always does, but this time I'm doing it for my own happiness, my life. He has a house, 4 walls & roof. If the roof has holes & makes him wet when it rains that's not my problem. I'm tired of being the thing you put on the roof to seal leaks so he could sit warmly inside the house. Let the rain pour down on him. They say mistresses are the ones who keep marriages solid & it's true. These guys spend time with these ladies one side & come home still on a high, making them nicer & more tolerant to whatever behaviour they don't like about their wives. Fact is, he still has a wife, SOMEBODY & what do you have? A FEW stolen moments & NOTHING. Fuck that. The pain of cutting someone off won't last forever. Stick to your guys & hop off the rollercoaster to nowhere.

I don't know FUM. Sounds like he wants his cake and eat it too. I would love to tell you to just walk away, but I know from experience that it's not that easy. It seems like Leo's words and actions never match so it's sometimes hard to know which one to go off of. But I do know that you shouldn't settle for less than being #1 with any man you love. He's trying to gain control right now. Don't let him.

He's not messing with your head, you are - he can only do what you allow him to do, on some strange level you must be enjoying all of it.

Posted by WaterCup
LOL, what are you doing to yourself, Fum?

I was friends with an ex for many years until recently, I cut him off because having him around wasn't helping me move on. I stopped the sex but I couldn't help feeling that he was getting something out of it emotionally too, the friendship I mean. The guy, 'my' guy is married too & I decided to let him get everything from his marriage. Why should I be the one feeling the voids? Either he works on what is unsatisfactory to him about his marriage, or get a divorce. What you're doing right now is completing all his needs, what he lacks at home he gets it from you..he'll never leave her for that reason. Let him face the reality of his problems with her & take yourself totally out of the equation. Don't be his relief.. you should be his all.

WaterCup, all you wrote is pretty powerful stuff. It hit me in the right places.

I was friends with him before. Last when he claimed if I would be able to just turn off all we had and go back to being only friends, I told him, I have done this for years and I can do it again.

You are very right when you say, I am giving what he lacks at home... which is good for him, but sucks for me.

The deal initially was not my role as marriage uplifter. He thought I am the woman for him. I wanted to see proof without involving myself too deeply. First he wanted me to be patient with him, but then he started this back-and-forth thing.

To me, experiencing all I did, I already see he made up his mind.

Thank you, hun, I appreciate you responding. It is not easy admitting a relation with a married man and all that goes with it.

Posted by WaterCup

Posted by Montgomery

Posted by WaterCup
I was friends with an ex for many years until recently, I cut him off because having him around wasn't helping me move on. I stopped the sex but I couldn't help feeling that he was getting something out of it emotionally too, the friendship I mean.

The guy, 'my' guy is married too & I decided to let him get everything from his marriage. Why should I be the one feeling the voids? Either he works on what is unsatisfactory to him about his marriage, or get a divorce....

Good of you to share your experience, WC. 🙂

I imagine, though, it was not easy for you-- did he protest, or give you hard time (like FUM's LEO)?

He has a house, 4 walls & roof. If the roof has holes & makes him wet when it rains that's not my problem. I'm tired of being the thing you put on the roof to seal leaks so he could sit warmly inside the house. Let the rain pour down on him. They say mistresses are the ones who keep marriages solid & it's true. These guys spend time with these ladies one side & come home still on a high, making them nicer & more tolerant to whatever behaviour they don't like about their wives. Fact is, he still has a wife, SOMEBODY & what do you have? A FEW stolen moments & NOTHING. Fuck that. The pain of cutting someone off won't last forever. Stick to your guys & hop off the rollercoaster to nowhere.

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Wow... could not have been explained any better.

I am most surprised about myself of how I allowed myself being sucked in like that. They show you a different picture in the beginning until they get you little by little.

Posted by aquarius80
I don't know FUM. Sounds like he wants his cake and eat it too. I would love to tell you to just walk away, but I know from experience that it's not that easy. It seems like Leo's words and actions never match so it's sometimes hard to know which one to go off of. But I do know that you shouldn't settle for less than being #1 with any man you love. He's trying to gain control right now. Don't let him.

aquarius80,

Lately he was convincing himself that affairs are OK. I am not falling for that. If he chooses an affair, that will be his doing from now on. I appreciate you saying that it is not easy. It sure is not.

I tend to believe it is even harder for a Scorpio to let go. It takes us a long time to accept someone in. Letting go becomes even more difficult, even if we have been betrayed by that person, we will think of the bond we had. It is extremely strong and will always stay there.

Posted by SexyScorpion

Posted by aquarius80
I would love to tell you to just walk away, but I know from experience that it's not that easy. It seems like Leo's words and actions never match so it's sometimes hard to know which one to go off of.

Agree with you 100% . My leo man driving me crazy too lately. Is something wrong w planets which are effecting leos for some reason.... So exhausted. If I don't give into him his way nd when he wants we don't have synergy and we need to work on our friendship .. Yeah instead of relationship he switches to friendship .. What not I have done for my leo man and for him to come to me and tell me this.. It's insulting... I feel leo men are very controlling and if things do go their way then damn mood swings and sulking. ( this is just my experience not all leo men are like that). My analysis he is not at a happy place so maybe other things in his life causing him to behave weirdly. So what should one do? .. We all have emotions and react. How to keep oneself sane??

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SexyScorpio,

Reading further down, I will agree with Jynja's statement of Mercury transiting Leo's 4th house in Home & Family. Which is related to his home, but also his past... mom & dad and upbringing and some skeletons in closets to be taken care of.

He can only do this on his own, whatever he needs to figure out.

I found out that "friendship" for a Leo man means something different than it may mean to many others. If you'd offer friendship to a man from a different zodiac sign, he will interpret this as being 'buddy buddy' and no attraction. Friendship is a pretty good start for a Leo man. It indicates wanting to build his trust on you... and more. 🙂

Posted by Jynja

Posted by SexyScorpion

Agree with you 100% . My leo man driving me crazy too lately. Is something wrong w planets which are effecting leos for some reason.... So exhausted. If I don't give into him his way nd when he wants we don't have synergy and we need to work on our friendship .. Yeah instead of relationship he switches to friendship .. What not I have done for my leo man and for him to come to me and tell me this.. It's insulting... I feel leo men are very controlling and if things do go their way then damn mood swings and sulking. ( this is just my experience not all leo men are like that). My analysis he is not at a happy place so maybe other things in his life causing him to behave weirdly. So what should one do? .. We all have emotions and react. How to keep oneself sane??

Maybe ask him what he's hiding from you?

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Yes, find out what makes him act the way he does.

Posted by Jynja

Posted by FUM
I just want him around. I am willing to suppress my loving for him and just be friends. Is that not possible? Do you believe in what he suggests on 'Sex eventually dying off' theory? Does he think, it is just about fullfilling his fantasies with me and once all done, he can switch off love?

Hahahaha... this LEO!! I'm telling you, he's on self-destruct! lol
Silly man, he'll never get the 'desire' out of his system. Has he wondered how his wife is coping without intimacy at all to this point when he's trying to revive it? Poor guy... smh.

I'd say, Fum, take a step back from it all and re-consider the situation. You might see that it is time to cut him loose on your own. He's seems to be scatter-brained and fighting his instincts - and I suggest you let him do it all by himself.

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LOL.. Jynja,

I know exactly what you mean. 😄

It's sad in a way. He such a sweetheart. I read your Leo man sacrificing himself.

Also, you are very right when you mention of how wife is coping. And I fully agree on taking a step back.

Yesterday I didn't feel well. My mind was on overdrive from 5% up to 100% and up and down, affecting my health. It seems the 'friendship' I was able to cope with before cannot be savioured.

I appears, I didn't give him enough time to figure.

Posted by GandalftheGrey
when a leo man truly loves you he is very straightforward and simple. we are not complex beings and nor do we desire complexity in any way shape or form.


You should also leave him and move on as that would be the smartest thing to do give your situation.

GandalftheGrey 😄

I appreciate your input, moreso, I know how unsympathic you are towards Scorpio ladies lol

I know he loves me. It is very simple. He did say, if we had met at a different point in time, he would have married me. He also said, you meet a few people in life, girlfriend, wife and me. I am the last one.

I like to believe, I am/was genuinely loved by this man. (as mushy as it may sound 😛)

His sense for obligations is stronger than his sense to self-fulfillment. He answers every call. He responds to every problem. He doesn't think, he had only an hour sleep or perhaps none... he is out there to fix.

If it weren't for his children, perhaps it would have been easier for him. I can't know.

I look for end results. It's defining.

Posted by GandalftheGrey
why the hell do leo men have so many affairs/secret sex lies with scorpio women. I am losing count of this secret world of leo men and scorpio women. I have heard of partners cheating and metting up at hotels for sex and doing all kinds of other erotic crap. They both know it won't work and yet they both try anyway. It is mostly a sex and intense passion type o thing that goes off after a few high octane months. The problem is that unlike most other types they seem to get back again despite the abuse and suffering. Is there some addiction problem here?

Astrology says it is Secrecy time for Leo man and it is Love time for Scorpios.

Posted by seraph

Posted by FUM

First he says OK to friendship, then he flips out. I just want him around. I am willing to suppress my loving for him and just be friends. Is that not possible? Do you believe in what he suggests on 'Sex eventually dying off' theory? Does he think, it is just about fullfilling his fantasies with me and once all done, he can switch off love?

seraph,

I think you're better than deigning to consort with an individual who is sneaky and disreputable in the extreme.

This part sobert me up.

We keep coming back to the same basic reality each time you post about this individual. And that's fine. We'll keep coming back to it until you get so sick of it that you'll have hit bottom and turned the corner. Then you'll be done with him.

You will see me forever posting about him. Perhaps not again for a while. It's about 6 years on our friendship and ME keeping HIM off reaching distance for the longest. Finally I let him in. It's hard stuff to get rid of instantly. Please know, I value what you have to say to shake me up. Don't keep your silence and continue pounding on my head.

"I just want him around." If you just wanted him around as a friend, you wouldn't be spending most of your thread-creation opportunities on him. The stakes would be a lot lower in a mindset that is friendship-oriented. There wouldn't be any anxiety or drawn-out explorations of the meaning behind his words and actions.

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Yes, simple as that. I was willing to have him around because I value his work ethics among many other things. I was willing to experience if it is do-able. Like you claim you can switch to friendship easily (which is hard for me to believe), I was going to see if I can step beyond what is believed to be possible.

Posted by celticlioness
He's not messing with your head, you are - he can only do what you allow him to do, on some strange level you must be enjoying all of it.

celticlioness,

I am pretty sure I do not enjoy what there is happening.

I can understand that he is messing with my head because he is messed up too.

Posted by everevolvingepithet

Posted by seraph

Posted by FUM

First he says OK to friendship, then he flips out. I just want him around. I am willing to suppress my loving for him and just be friends. Is that not possible? Do you believe in what he suggests on 'Sex eventually dying off' theory? Does he think, it is just about fullfilling his fantasies with me and once all done, he can switch off love?

I think you're better than deigning to consort with an individual who is sneaky and disreputable in the extreme.

Read what you wrote. He's married, wants to give his marriage a chance (apparently), and then turns around and solicits sex from you.

We keep coming back to the same basic reality each time you post about this individual. And that's fine. We'll keep coming back to it until you get so sick of it that you'll have hit bottom and turned the corner. Then you'll be done with him.

"I just want him around." If you just wanted him around as a friend, you wouldn't be spending most of your thread-creation opportunities on him. The stakes would be a lot lower in a mindset that is friendship-oriented. There wouldn't be any anxiety or drawn-out explorations of the meaning behind his words and actions.

I think this is fair, the guy just sounds like he's hedging his bets on all levels, why not find a friend and lover that doesn't have marriage and dodgy friendships in their lives?

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YES! Thank you, everevolvingpit 🙂

I woke up this morning around 5, feeling shivers going through my body. I felt something was on.

Well.. I received a note from Leo man at the exact same time.

He writes we both are hurting. He wants me to have a clear head from now on. He wishes me best of luck.

You are a sweet woman, FUM... he says.

Posted by FUM

Posted by celticlioness
He's not messing with your head, you are - he can only do what you allow him to do, on some strange level you must be enjoying all of it.

celticlioness,

I am pretty sure I do not enjoy what there is happening.


I can understand that he is messing with my head because he is messed up too.

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Well let him be messed up then. No need for you to join in the madness, you're allowing him in to mess up your head so you are the only one to blame here, people can only treat you in the manner in which you allow yourself to be treated. There is way too much plamasing going on in this thread. You need to get a grip on your life, this is going on much too long to be taken seriously anymore. Explain his behaviour away using all the Neptune in fucked up placements or whatever you like, you are allowing this to go on and on and on...,

Posted by SexyScorpion

Posted by FUM
I woke up this morning around 5, feeling shivers going through my body. I felt something was on. Well.. I received a note from Leo man at the exact same time. He writes we both are hurting. He wants me to have a clear head from now on. He wishes me best of luck.

You are one sweet woman, FUM... he says.

He will be back FUM. He is confused and what I get is that he doesn't want to harm you but he is unable to let you go. Such a tricky situation for both of you. Wish life was that simple. Life is simple but we make it complicated... But if we all had control and knew always what's right or wrong .. Always did the right thing.. Ignored our feelings .. We will not be human. Life is simple but we human are complicated.
Just take one day at time. I am learning to live in a moment. Struggling but trying. You do that and you will feel your anxiousness lowering.

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Thank you for your graceful response, dear SexyScorpio.

I don't want him back unless he is free.

He has overstayed his term with me. I am not feeling well for the past few days and I don't want some chronic illness creaping up on me, which I am very well capable of doing to myself.

Obviously, what has not happened until now, will never happen.

I hope all works out well with your Leo man. Just bring on your questions or whatever bothers you and disregard some comments you may get, when you see waving fingers or comments of how DARE you can do this or do that. I will bet, those coming with harsh opinions are nowhere perfect in their own choices, however it may do the trick or not at all. Just don't take all criticism too personally. Most are genuinely aimed at wanting to help. Sometimes you hit a rock.

My posts can be confrontational, but I am not going to step back on venting in here. Reading someone elses 'taboo' story may he help in gaining different perspective but also can help understanding ourselves better at times.

Posted by seraph
Just hang in there, FUM. Every day you're one step closer to to being completely at ease with all of this.

Thanks, seraph. You have no idea what your commenting meant to me. I get to experience the right from the wrong. I thought perhaps it is me misunderstanding him.

Posted by celticlioness

Posted by FUM

Posted by celticlioness
He's not messing with your head, you are - he can only do what you allow him to do, on some strange level you must be enjoying all of it.

celticlioness,

I am pretty sure I do not enjoy what there is happening.


I can understand that he is messing with my head because he is messed up too.

Well let him be messed up then. No need for you to join in the madness, you're allowing him in to mess up your head so you are the only one to blame here, people can only treat you in the manner in which you allow yourself to be treated. There is way too much plamasing going on in this thread. You need to get a grip on your life, this is going on much too long to be taken seriously anymore. Explain his behaviour away using all the Neptune in fucked up placements or whatever you like, you are allowing this to go on and on and on...,

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Celtic, thanks for your input. What does plamasing mean?

I was going to ask the same thing-- I thought it was a typo, but that Lioness really IS Celtic. 🙂


Pl??m??s /??pl??:m??:s/ ['plaw-mawse']

is an Irish noun and verb used in Hiberno-English; it means empty flattery, ingratiating talk, disingenuous praise.

Posted by celticlioness
He's not messing with your head, you are - he can only do what you allow him to do, on some strange level you must be enjoying all of it.

If ever there was a couple that could generate mutual confusion, it is this one.

However, with knowledge comes power-- that is true, and FUM is accountable/responsible for that.

But that does not mean that dear LEO is not "messing with her head"-- matters of the heart pollute the brain all the time-- Hollywood has even capitalized on it.

FUM will do the about face soon enough. 🙂

Posted by seraph

Posted by FUM
First he says OK to friendship, then he flips out. I just want him around. I am willing to suppress my loving for him and just be friends. Is that not possible? Do you believe in what he suggests on 'Sex eventually dying off' theory? Does he think, it is just about fullfilling his fantasies with me and once all done, he can switch off love?

I think you're better than deigning to consort with an individual who is sneaky and disreputable in the extreme.

Read what you wrote. He's married, wants to give his marriage a chance (apparently), and then turns around and solicits sex from you.

We keep coming back to the same basic reality each time you post about this individual. And that's fine. We'll keep coming back to it until you get so sick of it that you'll have hit bottom and turned the corner. Then you'll be done with him...

click to expand

All of this-- 🙂

I like to think that for every confused, unfair, manipulative LEO out there, there are five amazing ones to compensate.

Montgomery,

So sweet of you how you explained 😄

Love the way you describe things. Very sophisticated level... I keep thinking, there is something very Artful about you.


Thank you ALL for putting up with my writings. I don't want to give up on this place and its co-habitants. I just want to say what I feel and experience and not think... oh.. they will tell me.. NOT YOU AGAIN!

I gather it is part of being a fixed sign. I was on these boards maybe 7 years ago because of some SAG. He keeps popping back into my life and I recently told him "LEAVE ME ALONE!" He laughed at me...lol

I am not sure if it is the fire signs doing this to me.

I am sure, he will be back sometime and I am sure I will write about him again as well.

So far... I wasn't able to get staying power with LEO man.

When I met this LEO, I told him... No thanks, not another Leo man! He reminds me of my initial commenting occasionally.

Too bad. This one would have worked out. Maybe.