Acting out of character when breaking it off with a cancer

I feel I should've been more assertive when dealing with the cancer man who treated me like shit. I think me posting on here and getting insight has made me realise I shouldn't have let him take it that far. He was emotionally and mentally abusive and though I'd sworn up and down to not let a man ever treat me like that, I did. I feel so much pent up anger against him. For letting him make me think I was wrong for the most part. For letting him make me think I was the one who screwed it all up. Making me feel insignificant. He was such a manipulative whore who had two sets of rules for himself and me. Double standards like you wouldn't believe. I feel so much resentment and I want out.

Posted by LibWman
I feel I should've been more assertive when dealing with the cancer man who treated me like shit. I think me posting on here and getting insight has made me realise I shouldn't have let him take it that far. He was emotionally and mentally abusive and though I'd sworn up and down to not let a man ever treat me like that, I did. I feel so much pent up anger against him. For letting him make me think I was wrong for the most part. For letting him make me think I was the one who screwed it all up. Making me feel insignificant. He was such a manipulative whore who had two sets of rules for himself and me. Double standards like you wouldn't believe. I feel so much resentment and I want out.

I was with a cancer for four years and I broke up with him for the same reasons (6 months ago). It took a couple years for it to get really bad but by then he was ingrained in my life and breaking up with him was hardly an option. Actually, I didn't break up with him sooner because he made me hate myself and blame myself for everything that went wrong. I didn't really realize it was all him all along up until the end. None of our problems were really my fault. It was draining trying to fix problems someone else caused, because it's impossible, but you still blame yourself. I also realized: I made him worse by enabling him. It was partially my fault for not sticking up for myself. I know he made it hard because everything "wrong" he did to me was socially acceptable. If he had actually done something REALLY wrong (beat me up, cheated on me to make me jealous, etc) I think I would have had no problem confronting him or breaking up with him.

I don't know if all cancers are this way but I every cancer man I have met I have seen these traits. Maybe it's immaturity. Maybe it's their nature but it works better with signs who have other traits. His deal was: He was terrified of losing me. No matter how loyal I was, I never broke his trust once, he still thought I would leave him. So he made me hate myself and think I wasn't good enough for other men. That he was my only option. The only person that would put up with me. It was a really slow process but the more in my life he was, the more isolated I became and the more I hated myself.

He isn't a bad person. He was bad for me and I was bad for him. I realize that and we are still even friends now. This whole experience has been really good for him because he has learned that this possesive behavior leads to losing girls and the opposite will keep them (maybe) if they are actually compatible. At least he is in therapy and has seemed to learn this, but only time will tell. I am done with him romantically but I forgive him and I want him to be happy. He forgives me too. I feel like it was mostly his fault (we both seem to know this) but I was at fault too.

What I have learned to prevent this in the future:

What I have learned to prevent this in the future:

1. You have to put boundries into place for future relationships. Google this.
2. You have to not be afraid to have high standards. You deserve someone who takes as good as care of: their body, their family, their friends, their home, as you do. Period.
3.You have to not fear being alone. Don't focus on replacing your love. Focus on finding true love in friendship and romantic interests. You have time, this is what life is all about.
4. Learn to love yourself. Keep a schedule and work towards meeting your goals. Be someone to be proud of.
5. It's a slow process. There's a lot of ups and downs recovering from this. If you have a bad day, try to brush it off and keep going.

It might help you if you write a letter to him explaining why you feel the way you do. Part of your goal while writing this should be to help him, not hurt him. It will help you forgive him (and yourself) to think about this way. You don't have to send it! Write it and if you think it will help him send it to him. If not just throw it away. Either way it will help.

If you do decide to send it to him wait a few days and make sure. Also tell him you want to go no contact for the rest of the break and ask him not to contact you. You aren't trying to win him back, just feel some closure.

Aww yes thats him no one needs thst abuse keep it moving. Im a cancer i never dated cancer men i dont think im compatible with them at all. My libra ex was a female and she was actually the abuser bery jealous possesive and i the cancer was overwhelmed and smothered by it. She had alot of issues too we were together for 4 years until i left her. Never stay in situations like that life is too short