Aries tortured by Libra

I've been friends with a Libra woman for many years. She has always been plagued with self-esteem issues and has bouts with depression. I've been by her side through thick and thin. Always playing a positive and supportive role in her life. I have become a trusted confidant and close friend. I notice that she asks myself and other friends the same questions as she tries to find her balance. She is always seeking the opinions or approval of others rather than trust her own instincts. I find her always trying to make others happy before herself.

She has realized this and is working on improving her own self-worth and happiness. I have always been supportive of anything she wants to try thoughtout this journey.

As much as I love this person, I also feel that she takes advantage of my good nature. I am an Aries and I would go to hell and back for this Libra woman. I am captivated by everything about her. We are complete opposites but I can't stop the magnetic pull I have for her. I love her with all my heart and want the best for her.

Since the New Year, I notice that she has needed less emotional support and doesn't reach out as much. She has been spending more time with all her other friends while I feel forgotten. I feel that I have been put in a "for support only" box. She occasionally checks in with me but then flies away like a butterfly to frolic with her other friends. If she stumbles, I get an immediate call for help. I'm starting to find this pattern hurtful as I never get to experience the happy side of my Libra. Am I just being a selfish Aries? Sometimes I need support too but don't feel the reciprocation. I find her to be selfish and inconsiderate at times. Her flighty disposition leaves me confused.

I'm sad because we used to talk everyday, now we hardly talk to all. I notice she gets callous with other close friends as well. She is always excited to meet new people while the old friends get left in dust. Messages go unanswered or responses take days. Once she feels wronged or challenged by these new friends, she comes crying back.

I'm starting to feel a strong jealousy towards all the people that get to experience the happy side of her. The thing is that they are only getting the filtered version, the heavy side is not shown until trust has been established. So, when is my turn? I know both sides but only get to experience one. How do I give my Libra her freedom but also feed my own needs? I g

@ mtbtio, why you do keep allowing her to treat you like that? Tell her how you feel and let her know that you will no longer be her "run to guy". Your self esteem appear to be even lower than hers. Don't let anyone treat you like that. I don't give a dayum what sign they belong too. She's that typical unevolved Libra that uses folks for her own selfish gratification. Stop being a doormat. A real friend wouldn't treat you like that. Maybe you need to re-evaluate that friendship because the word "FRIEND" is thrown around way to freely. Maybe you consider her your good friend, but apparently she's not putting you in the same category. I say back far far away from her and see where her loyalty really lie. You know your value, so act like it!

Man, I just went through this with a Libra friend.

Libras like this are total users. They use people to fill some sort of emotional need. It's why they're flighty and flit from person to person. You'll also notice that they don't have very many long term friends, and if they do, those long term friends have issues with them and don't consider them reliable at all.

You're the go to when nobody else is around, or their other fair weather friends are not providing something that they want. They "collect" a circle of individuals, who aren't really friends, but options. The second something "better" comes around, they're gone, leaving you hanging.

I've been through it before with a few others I've known. It's lame as fuck to waste so much time on a friendship and this is how they go about treating it.

You're the go to when nobody else is around. You're the emotional rock for her and the others are her party/hang out friends. It's bullshit and you gotta ask yourself what you want to do about the situation. With the recent Libra, I've basically backed off and haven't reached out much (not that it matters because it's not noticed at all). If any contact has happened, I keep the answers short and disengaging.

This one decided to disappear shortly after my mom passed and it was the straw that broke the camel's back, tbh. "Busy" = been out with all the other friends and has decided I have no room in such a "BUSY" social schedule (read: just won't bother making time for our friendship anymore). So I get where you're coming from. You can't be friends with someone, then start doing this shit, and not expect the friend to wonder what the hell is going on and wonder why you suddenly don't want to bother with them.

I'd suggest asking/confronting, but know you won't get an honest answer. If you're good with reading between the lines, like I was with mine, then you'll be able to see what the real reason is despite the bs fed to you. "Sorry, I've just been really busy. My new roommates are so cool and I'm closer to all of my other friends so I hang out with them more!" (read: "now that I live closer to them, they'll actually spend time with me, when before, nobody bothered and you were the only one around at my convenience, sooo I have no use for you now"). Oh, cool story bro. Bye bitch.

I feel you though. It IS sad and disappointing that someone thinks it's okay to treat others like this.

My Libra friend I no longer speak to each other, changed my number. Known her for awhile contacted me about my ex recently, they still keep contact. Years ago lost friendship over her having feelings for him while I was dating him. Anyways met a Taurus girl she's the best friend I always wanted lol.

@rockyroadicecream What is your sign? And did any libras ever come back after they realized they fucked up a good friendship with a good person?

@tiziani- I've heard those exact words come out of her mouth, about compartmentalizing people. I really didn't understand what she meant until now. Your explanation validated what I have been experiencing.

@Lib4Life- I brought this up last year and it ended up to be a week long verbal war between us. She basically said that I needed to be self-reliant and to not expect anything from her. True, but also a double standard since she made me into her "therapist" friend. She basically doesn't want to be bothered with my need for support. I "should seek professional help." Only because she doesn't want to have to make an effort to be there for me. I don't bother with her now because I know she is not reliable.

@rockyroadicecream- you described my exact experience with this Libra. Several times I've heard "sorry, I'm too busy" then I see her hanging out with someone else a little while later. (Reads: I would rather talk to someone else in the current mood I'm in.) Few times we've met to have lunch and she decides while I'm waiting, that she wants to eat with someone else. This has happened even when she was the one to initiate. She saw an opportunity to "upgrade" and ditches me.

Lately, I just do my own thing and she doesn't even notice I'm gone. She just flips through her rotation of friends depending on the mood she is in.

I find it funny how she pushes me away then asks, "where have you been?" I didn't go anywhere, you just didn't feel like making an effort to participate in my life. You're too "busy" to make any effort until you need something. She once asked if I was going to leave her. Other friends have and shared their experiences with me. They eventually got tired of the same inconsiderate treatment they received. I'm slowly getting to that point. Giving less and less as time goes on. Our closeness is slow evaporating. Sad, because of all the time and love that I have given to this person. I am loyal to a fault, but I can only take so much abuse. Lately, she has realized that she has "treetrunked" several good people in her life and it was all her doing. Eventually, I will probably be one of them too.

Thx to everyone for sharing your experiences with me. I appreciate all your thoughts and input.

Still struggling to let go of this Libra. @rockyroadicecream - your description was so accurate that it scares me.
Update: I called her on this behavior during a lunch and she basically told me that she is getting what she needs from other people. She is now using/abusing a different guy in her department. I see all her little games now. Uses her Libra charm to manipilate him and many others. When I start to break away she panics. Starts asking me if I'm ok or what's going on. She can't stand this idea of loosing a valuable resource. I've never met a person so manipulative as this Libra. I'm angry that she still has me stuck in her web. Still calls me when she needs something but my texts/messages get ignored

She seems toxic, you dont need someone like that in your life

Posted by mtbtio
Still struggling to let go of this Libra. @rockyroadicecream - your description was so accurate that it scares me.
Update: I called her on this behavior during a lunch and she basically told me that she is getting what she needs from other people. She is now using/abusing a different guy in her department. I see all her little games now. Uses her Libra charm to manipilate him and many others. When I start to break away she panics. Starts asking me if I'm ok or what's going on. She can't stand this idea of loosing a valuable resource. I've never met a person so manipulative as this Libra. I'm angry that she still has me stuck in her web. Still calls me when she needs something but my texts/messages get ignored

Don't answer. Don't give her the time of day. If she asks what's up, tell her you're sick of being used and cannot be friends with someone who uses you all the time. You don't feel like being emotionally used anymore. Or, since she's proven she's a moron when confronted, don't take her up on plans anymore and become too busy for her as well. She'll either take notice and wonder, or just drop off the map. ...which would be no loss to you. People like this are ridiculous to keep around.

The last time I heard from mine was like 2 months ago. "I haven't heard from you in awhile!" ...yep. Amazed you noticed, asshole. Again, the convo was short and I was left hanging.

Nothing since though. I think I'm finally rid of this crap. I know it's a bit passive, but I've already learned that confrontation doesn't work with individuals like this. They just deflect responsibility, blame, and talk in circles to get out of being called out on their disgusting behavior. People like this are fucked up and will continue to be fucked up until they finally learn their lesson, which could be never as long as they keep finding people who will entertain their garbage.

I know it's hard for Aries to completely drop someone when we've been friends with them for so long and care about them. Also, combining that with the quick forgive and forget thing and we can get sucked in for a bit. But you gotta start moving toward the exit a bit more.

The next time she calls, don't answer. The next time she texts, don't reply.

while this libra does sound like she is particularly parasitic, you also have to realise that friendships evolve.

people come together in certain times in their life. when circumstances and needs change some friendships fall by the wayside. some will evolve with times, but the harsh reality is some will end. are you still close friends with the friends you went to school with? first job? neighbours when you were growing up? you have left other friendships behind too as you passed through life.

and like romantic relationships, if someone isn't giving you the attention you want, don't wait for them to change. fill your life with the people who are better friends to you and this friendship won't seem like such a big deal. reduce her impact in your life until the time where you are not missing her presence as she doesn't seem to be missing yours. and when she does come around, it won't matter what she says or does because you'll be so busy and invested in other people you'll only be able to give her a superficial glimpse of you as well.

I'm slowly come to the harsh reality that this is the normal pattern with her. The fool in me has given her the benefit of the doubt for so many years, but seeing it from a distance and reading all your comments makes the truth so painfully visible. I've never been in such a toxic relationship. I don't treat people this way, so it feels foreign to me. I just don't understand how you can just abuse people and not think that they will not be bothered by your selfish and inconsiderate ways. You should be grateful when someone takes the time to be kind, thoughtful and loyal because one day when you need them most, they might be gone. And what a shame it would be if you were the one that pushed them away.

I'm afraid so. We had an emotional affair a few years ago and I guess I haven't truly moved on. I think I'm still holding on to this romantic fantasy. Even though it was never physical, it still hurts like hell. I keep hoping that all those wonderful feelings are going to come back, but no. Getting over it has really sucked. Especially since I have to work with this person. Coworkers notice that your routine has changed and they ask where's your friend? That is like a knife to the heart. I love her dearly, but need to forget all my expectations and just accept what comes my way.

So you were "nice guy" -ing yourself in this situation, waiting around to see if you could get your feelings and emotions validated by this user bitch. You were being led with your dick, so to speak.

It doesn't work. The sooner guys realize this, the less we'll see around here whining and sharing their tales of woe.

Waiting around in the wings in order to get your way is just as selfish as her using you as an option, btw. Not cool.

Ahh...no!! I'm not a douche. Just codependent and overly giving. I have learned a lot about myself during this painful exercise. She has been a good teacher for better or worse.