How much is too much? (Page 2)

See what I don't get about this is that Librasid is the hero and the Aqua woman is the villain fullstop.

hmmm, I am still not seeing this part on this topic. In fact, a high amount were trying to find reason/defend the Aqua woman's actions.

oh well.

Posted by Aqualeo
See what I don't get about this is that Librasid is the hero and the Aqua woman is the villain fullstop.

I'm a cynic so I believe there is obviously more to this. Granted just because someone does wrong does not mean that the other person is bad but this story is not adding up.

Sorry but I couldn't read too much past this. The majority of your post was bullshit psuedo-psychological/intillectual self gratification.

First....so what if the majority of the people posting in this thread did see this as a good guy/bad guy issue? Only one party in the situation here is participating...therefor most of the concern is going to be directed toward the person participating.

What is with the "If you did nothing to....". Nothing in his posts state or suggest that he was not supportive enough of her and her needs. It sounds to me like he was very supportive.

I guess if you want to put it that if you get involved with someone with issues you should expect to have to deal with issues...but everyone understands that when you get deeply involved with another person period you have to be ready and willing to deal with issues.

I don't think much if any of your "cynicism" is relevant or warrented. Having issues is not a free pass to screw with other people or take advantage of your "specialness". There is truth to what you said up to this point but your completely neglecting the fact that regardless of her past she is capable and did make specific oaths and promises involving the well being of other people and if he wanted to go that way about it and he is within his right to uphold and act based off of those expectations.

"Three, if you don't want her around what are you still doing with her? You are friends? You have history? C'mon can you protect yourself? Even though you may have done things that make no sense in the name of 'love' ultimately she made the decision to sleep around so leave her already. You are causing her pain and you are causing you pain or are you enjoying seeing her beg? does it feed your ego getting the attention from her and others?"

Does it feed yours to take the safe easy devils advocate route? To make purely philisophical points and arguments and present them in a manor so that you can't really be wrong? C'mon. Everything you said in this paragraph is simply contrary bullshit for the sake of being contrary bullshit.

^ bulls eye

Posted by Aqualeo

PS: Librasid apologies if this comes too late or is no longer relevant

She has been a part of my life since I was a teenager, she will be relevant to me for a long time. I didn't know an adult life without her in it. I am learning though. I appreciate you taking the time to come back and offer insight again.

I went back and re-read everything in this thread. I pulled out a calendar to see what days I was commenting on. Right when the thread started to die off, the situation erupted again. That weekend was really bad. While reading all of this again I see how different of a place I am in now compared to then. The thoughts in my post are so scattered, I know all the details and it was hard to me to follow myself through it. It was all too raw then.

I have no doubts that I contributed to the end of the relationship. I am far from perfect. In the time since I started this thread, I have relived the years of this relationship many times over in my mind. Yes there are things that I coulda/shoulda/woulda done differently.

Hah, I am starting to ramble again. There is so much I can say about this topic since it is so close to my heart, but so little of it matters anymore. Ok then, some specific questions...

I am asking you does part of your ego feel satisfied or relieved to see her hurting the way she hurt you? what you are thinking or in your case feeling in the moments she is with you and she is pouring out her —heart?? what is going through your head? Do you realise the more you make this last the more it hurts both you and her?
A small part of me was glad to see her hurting; however, in the moments when she was here and pouring herself out to me there was no pride or malicious intent. In the moment, my only thoughts were to help her... whatever that meant. I saw her hurting and I wanted to make it stop. When I was alone the thoughts of "she deserves that" would creep in but I didn't use them as a source of joy or anything but for motivation and validation. If the choice for her to leave me caused this much pain it must have been wrong therefor we needed to correct it. I do realize now that this thinking was wrong. It prolonged the suffering for both of us and caused me to tear myself apart.

I have let her go. My divorce was finalized in late July.

This is all complicated but I don't mind expl

Posted by LadyLibra12

Suffice to say that I respect you for rising above a really tough situation and for handling it with dignity and grace.

That is very kind, thank you. I questioned myself about how I was handling it the whole way through.

Posted by Mr Nice
lirbasid dont punish someone who is already beating themself up inside because that dont make you a good person either, I not saying either that its right to cheat. If you have kids together concentrate on them, work with your ex keep the peace dont play games because children can pick on when there parents are upset and in turn makes them upset is that what you want? just to make you feel better? I will say one thing, people dont cheat for the sake of it they do it for reason maybe there could beeen something you could of done to pervent this situation or maybe you just didnt want to, the only person who really knows this is you no one on this site. Three sides to every story. Peace!

Do you feel that I was "kicking her while she was down"? I don't think that I was, it certainly was never my intent.

As for the kids. I have done everything I can to shelter them from this. I don't talk bad about my ex in front of them (at all really) and I don't allow anyone else to either. I have maintained a polite relationship with their mother and hope that they stay close to her while they grow.

As for the reasons people cheat, there are many, including "just for the sake of it". Some people like the thrill of the chase, some like the immediate conquest feeling, some like keeping the secret, some were unfulfilled partners, some fall out of love, some are just looking for an escape... etc,etc,etc. The only person who really knows is her. I'm not knocking what you said, I have taken time to review my actions and acknowledge that I made mistakes.