Marisar564
@Marisar564
10 Years
Comments: 0 · Posts: 11 · Topics: 2
Need some Libra advice urgently
Posted by beautifuldiaster
What kind of mistakes have you made? You mentioned going to the ends of the earth for forgiveness but 'true love means never having to say you're sorry'
I know that's quite vague but if you act in a loving manner than you wouldn't feel the need to bed over backwards to get her back.
Also, what's your sign?
That was my thought too. Are we talking silly mistakes that should be glossed over or are you really fucking up and expecting an apology to fix it? Are you repeating the same mistake?
I don't "go cold" for no reason, and no woman I've ever met has either. There's always a reason.
Posted by LibraSidPosted by beautifuldiaster
What kind of mistakes have you made? You mentioned going to the ends of the earth for forgiveness but 'true love means never having to say you're sorry'
I know that's quite vague but if you act in a loving manner than you wouldn't feel the need to bed over backwards to get her back.
Also, what's your sign?
That was my thought too. Are we talking silly mistakes that should be glossed over or are you really fucking up and expecting an apology to fix it? Are you repeating the same mistake?
I don't "go cold" for no reason, and no woman I've ever met has either. There's always a reason.
click to expand
You're absolutely correct @LibraSid...if I go cold, it's usually for a damn good reason. Must be way more to the story because if you know you haven't done anything that awful, then why are you bending over azz first to please someone?
What did you do? I dont grow cold for a minor reason since I always try to see things in different angles which means even if you hurt me, I can understand where you're coming from.
Forgiving you and still wanting to keep you in my life is an entirely different matter though.
What transpired before she went cold? I hope you're just being melodramatic with the "Granted, I have made a few mistakes, but every time I do, I'll go to the ends of the earth to get her forgiveness."
This would be alarming for me. I don't want anything too extreme like for example, a very explosive anger and then followed by an over-the-top apology. I'd find that unsettling and I wouldn't want that to be the norm or feel like I'm walking on eggshells around you.
Forgiving you and still wanting to keep you in my life is an entirely different matter though.
What transpired before she went cold? I hope you're just being melodramatic with the "Granted, I have made a few mistakes, but every time I do, I'll go to the ends of the earth to get her forgiveness."
This would be alarming for me. I don't want anything too extreme like for example, a very explosive anger and then followed by an over-the-top apology. I'd find that unsettling and I wouldn't want that to be the norm or feel like I'm walking on eggshells around you.
Thanks all for your comments.
When I say I've made mistakes it's nothing drastic! We haven't known each other too long so it's more a case of getting to know what she likes and doesn't like. So when I do something that she doesn't like, she does tell me and we talk about it in a very calm manner. When I say I go to the ends of the earth, I mean I'll go and get her a little gift with a note saying only I'm sorry. She accepts that and loves the gesture and is very appreciative.
I have never exploded in anger at her. We rather talk about the things that bother us and come to an agreement. I'm never, ever critical of her or her actions.
I'm a Virgo, but have no idea what my placements or hers are.
The problem is that she has this best friend who is obsessed with her and believes that they're in a relationship. She has told this person that they're not but they are best buds. I'm always very understanding of their relationship and believe that patience on my side will win out in the end.
When I say I've made mistakes it's nothing drastic! We haven't known each other too long so it's more a case of getting to know what she likes and doesn't like. So when I do something that she doesn't like, she does tell me and we talk about it in a very calm manner. When I say I go to the ends of the earth, I mean I'll go and get her a little gift with a note saying only I'm sorry. She accepts that and loves the gesture and is very appreciative.
I have never exploded in anger at her. We rather talk about the things that bother us and come to an agreement. I'm never, ever critical of her or her actions.
I'm a Virgo, but have no idea what my placements or hers are.
The problem is that she has this best friend who is obsessed with her and believes that they're in a relationship. She has told this person that they're not but they are best buds. I'm always very understanding of their relationship and believe that patience on my side will win out in the end.
Posted by Marisar564
Thanks all for your comments.
When I say I've made mistakes it's nothing drastic! We haven't known each other too long so it's more a case of getting to know what she likes and doesn't like. So when I do something that she doesn't like, she does tell me and we talk about it in a very calm manner. When I say I go to the ends of the earth, I mean I'll go and get her a little gift with a note saying only I'm sorry. She accepts that and loves the gesture and is very appreciative.
I have never exploded in anger at her. We rather talk about the things that bother us and come to an agreement. I'm never, ever critical of her or her actions.
I'm a Virgo, but have no idea what my placements or hers are.
The problem is that she has this best friend who is obsessed with her and believes that they're in a relationship. She has told this person that they're not but they are best buds. I'm always very understanding of their relationship and believe that patience on my side will win out in the end.
The relationship and interaction you have with her sounds very mature and respectful. I have no idea why she's acting cold. It could just be a phase or some personal issue that doesn't really have anything to do with your relationship with her. She probably just needs space.
Oh, now I see... You think she's cheating. She suddenly stopped affection and has a guy friend who openly says he is dating her? Maybe you are the secret boyfriend and not him... If she's laughing his comments off and still pursuing a friendship with him despite constant advances, she's at least considering it.
Have you talked to her about how she has changed with you?
The whole male best friend claiming they are more than friends is a big red flag. Most women I know wouldn't let that fly. Especially if she is dating you.
I can say that my libra parts would not allow a female friend to cause my girlfriend to doubt me. And if it did somehow happen, I'd straighten it out.
Have you talked to her about how she has changed with you?
The whole male best friend claiming they are more than friends is a big red flag. Most women I know wouldn't let that fly. Especially if she is dating you.
I can say that my libra parts would not allow a female friend to cause my girlfriend to doubt me. And if it did somehow happen, I'd straighten it out.
yeah.the women are so dif than the men lol if it were a libra man itd be the opposite
i would agree with sid about not letting a male friend get in between me and a partner which begs the question, are you actually in a relationship? granted she has tried to put him straight.
the going cold and physical withdrawal sounds to me like perhaps you aren't in the kind of relationship you think it is. she may just not be feeling it anymore but perhaps is biding her time to see if her feelings return for you.
as with most of these questions, why you are asking strangers on a forum to read a person's mind with any kind of accuracy is puzzling to me. why not just ask her?
the going cold and physical withdrawal sounds to me like perhaps you aren't in the kind of relationship you think it is. she may just not be feeling it anymore but perhaps is biding her time to see if her feelings return for you.
as with most of these questions, why you are asking strangers on a forum to read a person's mind with any kind of accuracy is puzzling to me. why not just ask her?
The interesting part is that we are not in a relationship. We have a friendship that is just not a normal one. I should also say that she is a prominent sports figure in this country and is very well known. We can't really go out anywhere without someone stopping to talk to her. But she chooses to be seen in public with me.
I think all of you are right in that I should just speak to her. It's just difficult given the amount of spare time she has and I don't like to bother her. Although I do feel she's being a classic Libra by keeping me hanging on a string. I still have a lot of patience for her last minute cancellations because I understand that he has a lot of pressure on her and she has told me that that's one of the reasons she's so attracted to me.
I guess the real reason I posted on here was to get advice on whether I should hold on for this girl to make her mind up or move on. She's an incredible woman and I will hold out for her but I'm also not a doormat. It seems that we're only close when it's convenient for her and that doesn't work for me, as I'm sure it wouldn't for anyone.
I think all of you are right in that I should just speak to her. It's just difficult given the amount of spare time she has and I don't like to bother her. Although I do feel she's being a classic Libra by keeping me hanging on a string. I still have a lot of patience for her last minute cancellations because I understand that he has a lot of pressure on her and she has told me that that's one of the reasons she's so attracted to me.
I guess the real reason I posted on here was to get advice on whether I should hold on for this girl to make her mind up or move on. She's an incredible woman and I will hold out for her but I'm also not a doormat. It seems that we're only close when it's convenient for her and that doesn't work for me, as I'm sure it wouldn't for anyone.
Keeping you hanging on a string, HOW— Did you state what relationship YOU want? Did you state your personal BOUNDARIES? Did you try to define your relationship and how you want things to be?
No one is stringing you along. You have no boundaries to begin with. You get strung along when you go against your will but still stay for some perceived benefit that outweighs your personal needs.
You said she defined what relationship she wanted. What exactly does she want? You said you had been 'intimate', did you mean you two already had sex but still don't know where you stand when it comes to the relationship?
If that's the case, then you better know what you want and tell her. You two need to have a REAL talk. Address all issues esp about you feeling that you two are only close when it's convenient for her.
And FYI, I never strung anyone along. I always define my relationships and lay out my boundaries from the beginning because I don't like wasting people's time.
The problem arises when the guy can't accept that I don't want more and no matter how many times I push him away in different ways, he'd still impose myself. Things get really ugly and still, he plays the victim.
NO means NO. It's just some men can't really handle rejection and would rather choose to think I'm playing hard to get.
No one is stringing you along. You have no boundaries to begin with. You get strung along when you go against your will but still stay for some perceived benefit that outweighs your personal needs.
You said she defined what relationship she wanted. What exactly does she want? You said you had been 'intimate', did you mean you two already had sex but still don't know where you stand when it comes to the relationship?
If that's the case, then you better know what you want and tell her. You two need to have a REAL talk. Address all issues esp about you feeling that you two are only close when it's convenient for her.
And FYI, I never strung anyone along. I always define my relationships and lay out my boundaries from the beginning because I don't like wasting people's time.
The problem arises when the guy can't accept that I don't want more and no matter how many times I push him away in different ways, he'd still impose myself. Things get really ugly and still, he plays the victim.
NO means NO. It's just some men can't really handle rejection and would rather choose to think I'm playing hard to get.
*impose himself.
Thanks everyone for your posts.
So I did speak to her. I asked her if we have honesty between us which she replied yes to. I told her that I don't want to put pressure on her and if she ever feels that I am doing that blah blah blah to which she said that she doesn't feel pressure but that we should just enjoy being with each other when we are together. She also said that is a loner and sometimes withdraws and that I mustn't think it's my fault because it puts too much pressure on me and then on her.
She's also told me that while she's with me, she's only with me. She then sent me a message after we talked telling me that we should just enjoy each other whatever opportunity we get and that does have a special bond with me.
I sent her one back telling her that I need her to understand that I know we're not in a relationship but that this is a mutual relation and that I also enjoy the bond we have and need her sometimes as much as she needs me other times. I said I see her as my equal intellectually and emotionally.
She agreed with me.
She also said that a romantic relationship takes a long time to form and that we mustn't look too far in the future but enjoy now and see where it goes.
What do you guys think?
Thanks so much for your guys' feedback, it helps! 🙂
So I did speak to her. I asked her if we have honesty between us which she replied yes to. I told her that I don't want to put pressure on her and if she ever feels that I am doing that blah blah blah to which she said that she doesn't feel pressure but that we should just enjoy being with each other when we are together. She also said that is a loner and sometimes withdraws and that I mustn't think it's my fault because it puts too much pressure on me and then on her.
She's also told me that while she's with me, she's only with me. She then sent me a message after we talked telling me that we should just enjoy each other whatever opportunity we get and that does have a special bond with me.
I sent her one back telling her that I need her to understand that I know we're not in a relationship but that this is a mutual relation and that I also enjoy the bond we have and need her sometimes as much as she needs me other times. I said I see her as my equal intellectually and emotionally.
She agreed with me.
She also said that a romantic relationship takes a long time to form and that we mustn't look too far in the future but enjoy now and see where it goes.
What do you guys think?
Thanks so much for your guys' feedback, it helps! 🙂
Posted by Marisar564
She also said that *SHE* is a loner
that *SHE* does have a special bond with me.
Posted by tizianiPosted by AesmaDaeva
*impose himself.
Unless I misread he did tell her directly he was backing off because he thought she wasn't interested in him. Which is direct as day. At that point she tells him she still has feelings for him.
I would say that is mixed signals. Going cold on someone and telling them you have feelings for them?click to expand
Did he say that? I didnt notice. Their whole relationship is very confusing. This is why I always want clear boundaries before investing time and effort. Ok I'll go read what he posted now.
Ok Marisar that's a load of crap. She wants all the lovey dovey stuff without the actual responsibility entailed in real relationships. Fuck that shit. Move on!
Unless you're down to having a FWB thing going on with her then by all means, carry on.
If you want more, let her know that and nip this in the bud.
Unless you're down to having a FWB thing going on with her then by all means, carry on.
If you want more, let her know that and nip this in the bud.
Aesma, you are absolutely right. We are FWB's. I've thought about it and it makes so much sense. In the beginning we were getting to know each other and there was a huge attraction. Then eventually we had sex, then starting hanging out together more and more doing lots of things together. We decided after the first time that we were sexual partners. But I do believe that she started feeling for me as much as I started feeling for her and that's why she put the brakes on. She is after all 20 years older than me! This is my first FWB so I can be forgiven for not quite understanding how it works. Now I do! Your guys help has been fantastic! It makes sense now.
Thanks everyone!
Thanks everyone!
Interestingly though, I've been thinking back on things we have done together trying to read the signals she's given off. If she only wanted a fwb relation, why would she have invited me to spend time at her house meeting her family and getting to know them? Why does she send me a msg every morning to say good morning and have a nice day with a kiss? Why does she send me a msg every night to say sleep tight with a kiss? During the day, she'll send me a msg to see how my day is going. About 2 months ago she told me that she seldom misses people but that she missed me the night before.
I think these are very mixed signals and I honestly believe that she was starting to have feelings for me and pulled a handbrake stop. She got scared of her own feelings. She's told me that she likes me and if she could she would pursue a "friendship" with me. She's a very proud independent woman who has her life fulfilled and maybe the thought that she might have feelings for me got her very scared. This is the reason I was saying I don't know if I should hold out for her to realise that she does actually like me enough to take it further.
What do you guys think?
Thanks again!
I think these are very mixed signals and I honestly believe that she was starting to have feelings for me and pulled a handbrake stop. She got scared of her own feelings. She's told me that she likes me and if she could she would pursue a "friendship" with me. She's a very proud independent woman who has her life fulfilled and maybe the thought that she might have feelings for me got her very scared. This is the reason I was saying I don't know if I should hold out for her to realise that she does actually like me enough to take it further.
What do you guys think?
Thanks again!
Yeah, I think you should definitely start to draw yourself back from the situation..you`re going to end up ruined, i can tell.
I agree thats she is totally blurring the lines, and her age is giving her an unfair advantage (from an experience point of view)..she seems used to this type of arrangement. You are pinning too much on her, and thats making you hurt so you take advantage of your own age and find somebody that can give you as much as your willing to give them.
I agree thats she is totally blurring the lines, and her age is giving her an unfair advantage (from an experience point of view)..she seems used to this type of arrangement. You are pinning too much on her, and thats making you hurt so you take advantage of your own age and find somebody that can give you as much as your willing to give them.
s also important to note that feelings are fluid. she might have felt something at one point in the relationship that perhaps she doesn't feel now. this also works conversely.
i don't think you should 'wait' for her. she is twenty years your senior with what also seems like a full life with many commitments. has she asked you to wait for her? has she said, things will get better just hang in there for me? are you just seeing what you want to see in this situation?
you say
Posted by Marisar564
I still have a lot of patience for her last minute cancellations because I understand that he has a lot of pressure on her and she has told me that that's one of the reasons she's so attracted to me.
but then
Posted by Marisar564
It seems that we're only close when it's convenient for her and that doesn't work for me, as I'm sure it wouldn't for anyone.click to expand
so in one instance you have patience when she cancels on you in the last minute because of the pressures she deals with. in the next breath though you say that you don't want to be close only when convenient to her, ie you have no patience when it comes to not being close all the time.
you need to find a line you are happy with. it sounds like cancelling on you is one part of the deal that also includes you being close when it suits her life and schedule. you have to decide if your being understanding of her life includes you not being a top priority at this stage.
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