So it's been almost a year w/ my Libra....

Afternoon all 😄 I have been so busy lately I haven't been on the boards in a while. Unfortunately I find myself here when I am confused or need advice more often than not ;\

So it's been about 10 months for me and my Libra guy. For those of you whom I've shared great convos with... calling this relationship a 'challenge' would be an understatement.

Anyway, as our charts said - this relationship is going to be hard work. We have had our share of arguments here and there. Mostly just your regular growing pains sort of first year getting to know you BS. But this last argument we had was a big one.

It was our first night apart since resuming our relationship some 5 months ago. We live together along with my 2 young children (son is 10, daughter is 3). He is 25, and this is his first really 'comitted' relationship. (up until me it's been a bunch of 'friends'.. the typical female objects of the libra fantasy and affection) From the beginning this man has rushed me into a home together, and now a committed relationsip. But don't get me wrong. I am a cancer and actually welcomed this union of ours with open arms. I absolutely adore this man.

But as we have spent so much time together; I've become somewhat domesticated. (as I always do) He, being the free loving Libra that he is, began to show signs of wanting to party and be more social. As a result of all of this - we had a pretty big fight last week.

It was one of those argument where he actually got angry. Which for those that know Libra - Libras tend to stay pretty mellow. But I'm a pretty emotional person, so I can see how he got caught into things. During our argument subjects like 'doing the same thing over and over again' in reference to our social life came up. He even had the audacity to say that he was bored, and that life at home was getting to him.

I was so upset - I wondered why the f*k did this man insist on moving in with me? He has suffocated me from the very beginning, and I let him. Now when things are getting redundant - he says that he is bored. The argument calmed down, and I explained to him about my life. Which sounds funny because you would think that he KNEW about my life living with me. But he really doesn't too much. Libras can be very self absorbed, and he's got that down pretty good.

After I explained to him about how hard it is being a young single mother with a career, no help from the dad, and all the responsibilities of a family on my shoulders... som

sometimes it's the routine that actually keep us afloat. It's the routine that keeps the rythm going so that I can manage my 3 year old daughter, my financial obligations, my career, my relationships, etc.

He seemed to understand, and since then it's been ok. But I can't seem to shake it. I really got my feelings hurt this time. So much that I've gone out of my way to plan some pretty extravegant trips for the coming season. We've gone out twice this week, and plan to go out again this weekend. I gathered that he was bored, and that 'sitting at home every day' was getting to him. So here I am scrambling; trying to be a more 'interesting induvidual' but I can't help but secretly think.... f*k him.

You know he's pretty damn boring himself? I love the guy - but jesus. This whole entire fight was over the fact that he never spoke out. He still doesn't. I can't fix the things I don't know about. Especially if he choses to bottle them up!

He can't make a decision, but always seems to have an opinion on what decision was made afterwards. I feel like sometimes I can't win.

As a result I've been pulling back quite a bit. We get along great. We have never known another other person like eachother. We both know that if we were to break up - it would be devestating to both sides. So we stay together and for the most part it's harmony. But ever since last week I can't shake it. It seems that he has (maybe - who knows, he hides his feelings usually) but I can't forget.

How can I get my Libra to open up more? I know us cancers are intuitave - but seriously. I can give myself a headache just trying to figure out wtf this guy wants to eat for dinner or which movie to go see.

so in less than a year you had a man move in to your house...and you have two kids. and this was a good idea how—? i mean really? you say he rushed you..but YOU HAVE A PART...you said yes, you allowed it.

maybe he does not want to be your kids dad. maybe he die snot want a family at 25. 10 months is NOTHING. it is no time at all. I did not even meet my cancer's child until we had dated 8 months....

you need to step bak and look at YOUR decisions and what you chose....sounds to me like you were happy to have a guy fit into the dad/hubby role right away and play house...during a time in a relationship that you should be DATING.

Hey SD, from my experience and that would be with any sign, most couples get so wrapped up in each other in the beginning of their relationships that they drop their mates...later on when things are chilling out a little they start to miss their independence and their own personal space. This is not a bad thing & there should be enough trust within your relationship to let go a little.

I see that he maybe wants to bring some friends back into his life but to try and explain that to a partner is always difficult, I hear you saying...you are trying to entertain him or fill that void BUT you can't. This to me is the point where you both need to branch out a little and re-establish your own independence and lives while remaining in your happy life together with the kids. Do you think this is possible?

Hey Sweetheats 😄 Thank you for your honest answer. You know I've been thinking about this every day for a week. I think the best way to some things up is..... My Libra has a way of always making me make the decisions. Which is fine, but for the most part I don't even know that I'm making them! Meaning that if I am laying on the couch watching TV, and I say "I'm going to watch this TV show tonite"... He will take it as "I do not want to go anywhere, I want to stay home" It's almost like he waits on me to see what the next move is. He is constantly trying to do what he thinks I want to do.

Because I've been so busy I haven't suggested anything. So as a result we don't do sh*t. In all reality; I'm just busy with life, and although I love to go out and be social, for the most part I'm truly just busy. Also - I LOVE TO BE SOCIAL. He seems to think that I don't just because I'm tired during the week, and every so often I'll spend a weekend at home.

This is all pretty new to me. And I think that you have hit the nail on the head. We do branch out socially because I think that we get a bit tired of being alone together. For the most part we don't want to be away from eachother. We are actually happiest when there is a bunch of us together. It's hard finding a regular couple that is solid and happy like we usually are.

In order so that he does not feel attacked, I told him this morning that I wanted to sit down and talk with him tonight. We both are going to take the day and think things out. So here's the challenge... Talking to him. We get along great and have really good conversation. But when it comes to matters of the heart; things get complicated. He has trouble expressing his feelings, by always bottling it up, etc.

This is a very fine line for us right now. I'm very independant, although I love him, if I feel any disloyalty or if he is not into it - I'll end it. I guess it's just that crossroads at the 1 year mark. I'll let ya know what happens ; )

Do you think he is being disloyal? I didnt get that, all I got was he wanted a little bit of space to re-establish friends. Sometimes it is hard to let go and fully trust that that is all our partners want and we go into overdrive thinking he's looking elsewhere beacuse I'm not doing something...Dont fall into that trap if there isnt any evidence. Have your talk but I can guess that he closes up when it comes to the heart because he doesn't want to hurt your feelings in anyway and is trying to guess what you want him to say. Will continue as I have a visitor... sorry

i'm personally feeling leokitten on this one. i was asking myself all those same questions after reading that. hey, i'm a single mom too now and there's no way in hell i would let some guy move in, let alone MEET my kid, right away. i'm very protective of my son and it would take months of dating before i let them get together.

he is 25. not saying that there aren't young men out there who couldn't, or wouldn't, take on the fatherly role but ur chances are slim. i'm in my late 20's and i still don't expect it from men my age. especially if this is his first real relationship... jesus.

it seems to me that u guys jumped into one serious cluster fuck. i was with a libra for 7 years, and we moved in almost immediately as well, but we were young and childless.

i understand the trials and tribulations of being a single mom. i too wish there was a loyal, loving companion by my side that would love to take part in helping to raise my son as his own (though my son's father is awesome!). i would love for that complete feeling of being a family again. it's not about us anymore. we have to put our childrens' welfare before our own now. u lucked out that he wasn't some lunatic that could harm your kids. i hope everything works out for the best of course.

LK & NJ...What happened in the beginning is now irrelavant, the fact is they are in a commited relationship together and she is just asking for advice in the new situation that has arisen. Which is how to deal with a partnership when the honeymoon period starts to wear off. For some of us that can be months or years!

Around a year the let play nice stops and the incompatibility creeps up.

My best advice is ... stop looking at him and start looking at yourself. Leave him out of the equasion. Who do YOU want to be and be that person.

"LK & NJ...What happened in the beginning is now irrelavant, the fact is they are in a commited relationship together and she is just asking for advice in the new situation that has arisen."

Perfectly put.

My advice is regarding the feeling bored and the home life starting to get to him try your best not to take it personally. He didn't say I am bored with you but he was getting bored. That's ok, it happens to everyone in every relationship at some point. In my experience with water signs I was more emotionally bottled up like you describe him because I had a hard time communicating things in a way that didn't get put in the context of being a criticism to them. Angel, my fiance though she is a Libra has a really strong scorpio influence and at about the 1.5-2 year mark we went through the something similar.

This is basically the time were you re-affirm yourselves both individually and as partners because where in the beginning everything was focused on the other person and the relationship, now the foundation has been laid and you both need to figure out how to focus on yourselves in a manner that strengthens the relationship rather than jeopardizes it.

Is he happy with himself? Is he doing what he wants to do professionally, are his ideals for himself and his actual self pretty similar or is he still trying to get there?

For me the hard times in our home life were the glue. I left my job that supported all of us and then some right as the economy was tanking and have been working a seriously low paying flexible job while Angel opened an in home day care to provide the time we needed to open the business we have been wanting to start. It has been almost a year and as a libra having to do the slow step by step thing because of my responsibility at home has been not only frustrating but it really tests your sense of self and confidence.

If your situation has been similar than he is probably going through a self forging process.

When Angel and I went through this there were some pretty bad fights but in it we re-affirmed what we wanted for ourselves, from a relationship and most importantly we rebuilt the friendship aspect of our relationship as we both agreed that was the most important part to both of us. It is so important because it is the part that allows each person to speak their mind without the other taking offense, like a friend would.

My Libra man fascinates and infuriates me too!
I don't pretend to have all the answers, but I'll tell what I know...

Libras DO tend to push for "serious" early on, they are intense and idealistic and romantic and in love with love.
A Libra man may just be the Prince of Passion! The King of Smothering!
And we Water signs eat that up with a spoon! lol
But eventually they... reassess the situation, and start to pull away, looking around with a critical eye.
Is this what they really want? Are they still happy?
It's not necessarily a BAD thing, though.
Think of it like .. recharging their batteries.
If they STAY, they've already made that decision.
Support that decision by not dwelling on it.
For him, it's in the PAST, this argument.

Libras ARE more social than a lot of signs.
They start to feel restless and boxed in without it.
They are SO non-confrontational;
Busy keeping the balance, keeping the peace, that they rarely say ANYTHING that could be remotely negative or hurtful!
But you're right; they almost expect you to be psychic and figure out exactly what to say or do.
And if you don't, woe is you, and there could eventually be a big blow up with Mr. Laid-Back Libra.
You've reached this point, and likely will again.
(It would be SO much easier if they would just SAY what they want, not leave it all up to you!)
My Libra likes it when I'm assertive but not pushy, likes me to make decisions sometimes.
But he's learned to give me *choices* and not a blank slate for better results.
(As a Pisces, I'm also very mellow and go with the flow! He's taught me more assertiveness!)

Best advice I can give you is to not dwell on it too much.
Things are better now, right?
Except for your unresolved feelings about it, I mean.
That's SO Cancer 🙂
Don't over-analyze it.
Making social time is also a good start, and will help a lot.
Libras like to show off, like to feel proud of their partner.
(I can guarantee with 99.99% accuracy that you are very pretty. Libras don't do ugly.)
Make some Me Time too maybe. Do something for yourself.
Libras like to be wanted and needed, but NEEDINESS turns them off!
If he feels he is the sole person responsible for keeping you happy & content, he'll be overwhelmed.
The more self-confident & secure you are, without "needy" or "clingy", the more he'll like it.
Absence DOES make their hearts grow fonder; don't do *everything* together!
They want all this togetherness and closeness, then balk when they e

@ sweethearts - I think the loyalty issues comes into play for me for the fact that I'm dealing with a pretty big flirt. He doesn't flirt in front of me, which I guess is good right? But it always seems that every girl that he is friends with is around after some weird 'affection, crush, flirtacious' sort of aftermath that occured some time before. It just seems that every female I have met thus far has been some sort of ex or something of his. It gets a little old. Being a party where there are 3 or more girls that he's had a crush on, etc, drives me nuts. I don't tell him, and I don't let it show though. Will that ever end? It's harmless, but it still really bothers me. I guess I'm old fashioned - but even if I'm not there, you just don't do it.

@ Nefer - Thanks for your input. It is hard trying to read what this man is thinking all of the time. Especially when he is constantly saying "I dunno babe, whatever you want to eat/do/go/etc..." Or to stay home for two weekends in a row because you're tired, and to find out a month later that it infuriated him that he didn't get to do anything socially.

I'm doing my best to keep an open mind, and not over analyze things. Since my first post we've talked about our relationship. He told me that he wants our relationship to work no matter what. That alone was reassuring.

I guess it's just going to take some time to trust and get to the point where I am 100% comfortable.

Yes unfortunetly Librans thrive off flirting. Only today I was openly flirting with 2 guys both are attached and I know there is nothing more in it than flirting. I walked away feeling great, they were smiling and it lifted their day as well...nothing else will go on but I'm sure if their partners had witnessed it they wouldn't be happy at all!!! So what can be done— He needs to learn to simply not openly flirt in front of you...and that will be a hard thing to do if you are around or you will need to learn that it's not going anywhere it's part of his make up and you will need to trust him!

I was married for 20 years, flirted throughout and I am aware now that my husband didnt like it (came to light during the breakup) BUT I never cheated, I simply liked the attention.

This isn't about him, this is about you. You are looking to him for validation and security. You don't get those things from other people. You get them from self.

Here is the truth. When women say, I want him to open up more, what they are really saying is I feel insecure. I want you to give me something (usually emotionally vulnuriabilty) so I feel secure and powerful. He cannot make you feel better about you because he is not you. You have to do this yourself. The way you do that is by taking the focus off him and putting it back on you.

If he wants to go out and you don't want to, let him go. He is a big boy. He can find his way home again.

You make your own plans, live your own life, and fill it with joy. If he is the right person for you, you will have your life, his life, and a life together.

Ohhhhhhhhh jeeeezeeeeeeeeee

We live worlds apart Summer bear, killing for the sake of killing doesn't happen as frequently in this part of the world I've read a few of your stories and find it hard to comprehend living in that sort of life...sorry but happy to have growen up down under!!

Well good for you, glad to hear a success story. I know it wouldn't have been easy. I grew up in the pooriest side of town...certainly no comparison to where you did and have made it out...always knew there was better things for me in life but the roots from my upbringing have set in and I never forget where I came from. Only the other day a guy asked where I was from and when I told him he says oh but you look too posh!!! I think that was purely on my dress because we shared a drink and stories after that! haha

So I think it adds to your person to have come from nothing and then made something...but being down on others is not the way to go...so leave us beautiful Libran people alone Big Bear...one bad apple dont spoil a whole bunch of girls!!! hahaha

"To me, it's almost the same thing. You were flirting with the idea of treetrunking these other men. Why go down that road in the first place? Sounds like some bullbutter to me."

....

"So he walks up to her and tries to pull her away and leave the BF (so disrespectful). The Taurus BF losses it and starts to fight the Leo Man and the Leo Man ends up shooting the taurus bf in the head."

Well first off the situation LS was in and the situation you described couldn't be more different. She wasn't leading another guy on and they weren't low life's that would off each other over it.

nope...see...it may be a year...but they are not married...and those are NOT his kids...so he can flee.

Haha thanks Bid Bear and I'm born on Oct 9th too...go figure!!! I've never been like that though, maybe because I have higher values...Idk But now moreso that I'm mid-aged and respect & love myself much more....stilll I cant help but flirt. I LOVE IT!!!! Sorry if it's offensive😛

You know one day someone will snap you up but I think you have to learn to have your eyes wide open...for some reason you are attracting hoes!!! WTF?

He can't make a decision, but always seems to have an opinion on what decision was made afterwards. I feel like sometimes I can't win.

And you can't win, you won't win, he's way too young to be playing daddy and way to passive aggressive/soft and he's going to stuff down that resentment until he's DONE and out the door.

He's passive aggressive like most of libra men I know and I'm an Aquarius and will not tango with a libra for too long LOL sorry libras but I can't get past the indecisive passive aggressive behavior, not sure about older libra males but the younger ones are frustrating.

I would suggest you look past your domesticated behavior and begin suggesting that he get out of the house away from the kids, also if you can find the time read up on how to deal with passive aggressive men that will be your saving grace, you will have to be FIRM with him, the more you know the better your able to deal with him.

Learn about PA or deal with him secretly loathing you and the kids on the low, although he made a choice to commit to living with you and someone elses kids, I have a feeling he's feeling bogged down and doesn't know how to stand up for himself and say what it is he needs which again is a passive agressive manuever which he most likely played on his mother to get his way without actually having to ASK for what he wanted which includes blaming someone else for everything when something goes bad.

Libra males are social butterflies, if your too tired to go out then make a suggestion that he go hang with his boys and let him decide if that is something that appeals to him, if you say your staying in be clear that it's okay for him to get out and do his thing but your tired, you just have to let him feel it's okay for him to go out every so often without seeking your approval all the time. He's passively sitting by allowing you KILL his attraction, kill the relationship so he can blame YOU, if he's passive aggressive he's just sitting there idly watching the trainwreck without actively participating and FORCING YOU INTO POSITIONS you wouldn't have otherwise been if he would man up.

Passive aggressive men are frustrating, they are not all bad but they have this personality disorder that will destroy the relationship if you allow it to and really thats what it's inevitably meant to do.

I found some interesting info

http://books.google.com/books?q=passive+aggressive+men&source=in&ei=j6OASsGSIpSmMebArfYC&sa=X&oi=book_group&ct=title&cad=bottom-3results&resnum=11<BR>
click on the very first book and you can read Living With the Passive-Aggressive Man??_ - Page 32....great chapter

The more info you arm yourself with the better you can deal with this issue

Yep it is an ego booster, but also a lifetime thing. Even little baby girls bat their eyelids to get what they want from their daddies and they aren't taught it...it's natural!

Where are you picking up these girls from—? Try someone loder and more mature!

Oooops Older!

hose skeletons do make us a little mental but also more cautious! As you yourself are learning Big Bear🙂

Babe, you'll be hard pushed trying to find someone that doesn't have baggage...unless she's a virgin...and there goes the maturity!!