Cant Stand It No More!

I have this friend and I enjoy them very much. It is not anything sexual, not yet, but it is great on a emotional level. They are funny and witty and very smart. The only problem is, they know how much I care about them and so they use this. Maybe I am wrong?? but why are they there for me one day but not the next. Sometimes I wonder if they give a crap about me at all. Why wont they let me be a little closer to them?
I feel like I am being toyed with and that I am just something they can come back to when they are bored or just want to keep me as an ace in the hole until something better shows up?!! They told me when we first met, I wasnt good enough, after I told them how much I liked them. They were even very mean about it. Later they changed their mind and apologized. Maybe they really meant it!?
I know they like me in some ways, but it's as if they think I am always going to be there for them, but they dont give me much reason to stay around. Like I should be grateful for their crumbs of love!!! I have to admit the feeling of attachment is getting worse and they know this, so I have tried pulling away too, but now they are back again, and here we go with the pushing and pulling. What does this all mean? I have never experienced anything like this before and dont know what to do?! Should I just disappear completely? Each time they pull away, it is harder on me. If they dont care and are just messing with me, I wish they would stop, because it hurts like hell. If I am not good enough for them, then they should just let me be and find someone who is! Maybe I am just having an insecure moment? I dont know.

You said 'friend' in the singular and then used 'they' often.
Is it a male friend?

Because if it is a guy and girl thing...well... I flunked Relationships 101!
I passed Anatomy with flying colors though!! LOL!
That's what got me into trouble!

I love you, Suzy! I am not trying to belittle anything...just trying to understand...

Without knowing all the details, I would say you should ASK for more and try to GIVE less! (I think you are a very giving, caring person and this will go against your grain, so to speak...)...it is just a thought...but, perhaps be unavailable next time 'they' want to bend your ear...

It will be difficult and you will feel guilty...but, work on NOT feeling guilty!!
Mystery is based on not being so readable. Wonder is intriguing!

well...you should..tell them to F*K OFF

🙂

ok ok mehehe, okay well, i went through something like that, although i dont know even know if i should even POST this cus most of the time ppl just completely IGNORE my posts and dont go "yes yes i can relate!" but WUTEVER, maybe it'll help you somehow. I've had a few friends who TOTALLY took ADVANTAGE, i mean A-D-V-A-N-T-A-G-E of me. It hurt a lot and i understand your pain, i was always there for them but they never appreciated the friendship i was trying to build with them. But guess what! they didnt give a rats ass. I dont think its entirely their fault, they probably had their OWN reasons. Later i realized that why the f*k should i be around ppl who dont care for this friendship?? get what i mean? But what i also learned is that i shouldnt take friendship as like "you must give me something in return" i have no limits to what a friend SHOULD be. I should just be good to a friend without expecting anything back. But in your case, your 'friend' or 'friends' are treating you like shiet so what does this tell you? that you are wasting your time. Dont do this to yourself, why waste your time on ppl who arent even behaving as a "friend" should?? I dont know what friend would bring down their friend purposely. and oFCOURSE you would get insecure, becus the ppl who you tried to be friends with is just totally turning their backs on you. So who cares about them?? or it seems like you shared some great moments with them?? i dont know. But things do change. Maybe they just dont appreciate the friendship you're trying to open up to them anymore, so why try? Theyre already being the biyatches they are. And why should YOU try?? dont try on something that doesnt even deserve something as special as a REAL friendship. They should be trying, not you. Man, just f*k it, who cares about them.

SuzyQ,

I feel for you, and I think you are smart enough to figure this out! Try and detach yourself somewhat and look at the entire picture.

I have a daughter and she is your age and she reminds me alot of you. She has so much to offer and yet she always is hooking up with men that bring her down and much misery. I have gotten crazy when things have gone so bad that she needed my help but always she goes right back to the same crap. It breaks my heart wondering if she is ever going to see the light? She finally got rid of the first one only to be right back into the next miserable mess. Now she is finally happy and things look good but I am afraid she is scared and she always has to have a man around in order to feel secure. I just hope she finds one that can understand her and accepts her for the loyal and very loving woman she is. All she wants is someone to love and protect her. She is strong in so many ways but also very fragile person and breaks easily. She is way to suseptiable when it comes to love. She has done alot of work to over come this, but I dont think she will change not without someone who is patient.

Hold on,

Love
Your Mother!

I think you should be honest with the person. Situations only have power over you if you aren't honest. As soon as you are honest, you are removing the pretense and liberating yourself from this potentially disrespectful situation. You know the saying "the truth shall set you free"? Well, it quite often does. Star's suggestion is good. Ask for more, you may even receive more. Sometimes people are unaware of the way they are treating others and they need to know. I know, its another cliche, but 'it takes two to tango'. Relationships are a two way thing, you also have the responsibility to dictate the terms of the relationship.

I think above all, be honest. You have nothing to lose and you will feel better for it, believe me.

Kind regards,
LG 😉

Hm let's see... maybe you deserve it? Since you treat other people like shiet and are the most annoying biyatch I've ever seen? No, that can't be it now can it. I'll let you know if I think of something else.

Kandy,

Look, You dont have to like me. I dont expect everyone to!! If you dont care for me or for what I have to say, then dont talk to me; it is really simple. If I came at you, it was in defensive of something such as God etc...If I hurt you, I apologize. If that is not good enough for you, then maybe one of us should leave the board.

Thank you Star!

Suzy,
I still don't know if it is a guy...LOL!
I do wish the best for you! So often, it seems that others take advantage of kind, caring people...it seems soooo wrong, so unfair!. To me, it goes against the karmic wheel...but, that is just my opinion..
I agree with LG that honesty is best! I hope things get better for you in this area of your life! I am sure it will take time for things to change...things like this do not change quickly...as behavioral patterns are learned and it takes time to learn a new pattern!

Luz! I have definitely had people take advantage of me in my lifetime! I can definitely relate! I am glad that you were able to look at it objectively and not allow yourself to remain in such a situation...you are a strong person and I am so proud of you! P.S. You are definitely my daughter!! LOL! I love using the term 'rats ass' the way you did! I learned it from my mother and now you are using it!! (Even though you didn't actually learn it from me...it is just kind of a tradition thing....ok...I am beginning to tear up...j/k...) OK! I can't help it! I am a nut! I do love you though Luz! And, I am proud of you...I think you have a good head on your shoulders!

Mom, I was sorry to hear about your daughter..so many good women fall into those kind of relationships that are not good for them! I am glad she is happy now...and I hope that her next relationship is with a man who can see what a good thing he has found...someone who appreciates her! Many women are relationship or male dependent...I don't know why...
My Mom is! I think she passed this type of thinking on to all 4 of us girls. I broke the cycle...and it bothers my Mom, but not me! (she hates it that I am not married...who cares if he is psychotic! LOL! Just so we are all married!!) Ah well, I am happy with my free spirit type of unconventional relationship...although I didn't jump into this one and took much time off before even considering a relationship! It sounds like your daughter is breaking the cycle too! Good for her!

i KNEW IT, we were meant to be...

LOL Luz!