Hardest thing you’ve ever done in your life?

So far for me it’s been raising a tiny human. I have no clue how others handle multiple. I have so much love for this tiny human but at the same time greatly mourn all the free time I used to have. The other night we were watching Girl in the Basement (of course Lifeitme dramatized it and downplayed the actual horror), on top of all the sickening emotions I felt I was just in complete awe at how a woman and her multiple children survived living in a basement for 24 f’ing years without a single second of sunlight. She gave birth to 7 children down there all by herself. And here we are, running to multiple doctors for the slightest issues to get our baby (and ourselves) checked. Gives you lots of perspective on human survival.

yeah watched that too. eww at her father.

i'm in awe of my MIL raising 8 kids.

she's helping me out with my own son. prob would've been harder without her. don't want my kids to grow up with nannies and prob feel more attached with them than they are with me.

Watch my grandma struggle thru Alzheimer's. That shit took a major toll on me. She raised me. And the end was gruesome. She died and had CPR done on her and died 4 months later. I was beyond heartbroken. Didn't know she was dying before I went to work. By my lunch break she was gone....

You never forget a person's last breath. Last heartbeats. You never get over that blank stare. You never get over ppl being ashamed to be next to someone who can't remember. You just don't. At least I haven't. And that was 2014

Staying somewhat sane, at least enough to blend in with society. Like I'll be real, I've held so much shit in the last 3 years the next person to truly set me off might get murdered. I'm not even joking, would justify it in my own head, and feel nothing.

Giving birth and almost not making it - losing lots of blood

Losing my father and sister to cancer within 6 wks of each other - travelling alone by plane and trains to her funeral.

Getting a phone call to say my mother had died suddenly and then dealing with my suicidal father afterwards

My marriage breaking up

Having to move five times in 17 months - absolutely fuckin exhausting

There’s more but I’ll give someone else a chance 😃

No idea, I don't think I've been through anything really hard and everything was about the same level when I think about it.

This is why I chose a long time ago to not have children. The good about children just doesn’t outweigh the hassles and hardships they bring.

Most people don’t really introspect what having a child entails or even realize that they, on subconscious level dread having a kid, which is why they keep postponing kids.

All these men on dating apps want kids and ask me why I don’t want them. When I assess their financial and economic means, that’s when THEY realize how much they’ve romanticized the concept like women. In their fantasy, a kid comes out and their gainfully employed wife does all the leg work like old times and they both provide for the kid. LOL. Every pragmatic factor about having kids is disregarded.

Posted by AquaClassy
Post pantry depression when you have to have your shit together because you have newborn.

Been there too

So difficult but worth it ♥️

Posted by virgoOPPP
yeah watched that too. eww at her father.

i'm in awe of my MIL raising 8 kids.

she's helping me out with my own son. prob would've been harder without her. don't want my kids to grow up with nannies and prob feel more attached with them than they are with me.

Good Lord I would love a night nanny! Costs an arm and a leg in America tho. My MIL helped a lot too but my FIL’s declining health is requiring complete focus. I have some future plans to dump my kids onto my parents though 🤔 I’ll be traveling soon with my mom and brother to go visit extended relatives for over a month so it’ll be nice to have more adults around to entertain the baby.

Posted by Libra4rmTX
Watch my grandma struggle thru Alzheimer's. That shit took a major toll on me. She raised me. And the end was gruesome. She died and had CPR done on her and died 4 months later. I was beyond heartbroken. Didn't know she was dying before I went to work. By my lunch break she was gone....

You never forget a person's last breath. Last heartbeats. You never get over that blank stare. You never get over ppl being ashamed to be next to someone who can't remember. You just don't. At least I haven't. And that was 2014

Not many people close with their grandparents these days but I only have my maternal grandmother left and I can’t fathom loosing her much less like how you lost yours. My mind just refuses to go there. I’m worried I might take it too hard as well.

Posted by hoeflation
Getting home drunk without a car

Oh no, where was the damn chauffeur? Did you have to walk or take public transportation 😱?

Posted by Soul
Staying somewhat sane, at least enough to blend in with society. Like I'll be real, I've held so much shit in the last 3 years the next person to truly set me off might get murdered. I'm not even joking, would justify it in my own head, and feel nothing.

Sun square moon in guys has a pretty bad rep in astrology. Being double fixed doesn’t help. It’s an internally very tough placement (opposition isn’t even nearly bad). What exactly have you been holding in the past few years that could aggressively set you off any time now? Do you have a safe external outlet to release this excess energy?

Posted by MyStarsShine
Giving birth and almost not making it - losing lots of blood

Losing my father and sister to cancer within 6 wks of each other - travelling alone by plane and trains to her funeral.

Getting a phone call to say my mother had died suddenly and then dealing with my suicidal father afterwards

My marriage breaking up

Having to move five times in 17 months - absolutely fuckin exhausting

There’s more but I’ll give someone else a chance 😃

These are all so beyond devastating and could happen to any of us any moment as we get older. You are more than welcome to mention more.

Posted by Walk_on_by
No idea, I don't think I've been through anything really hard and everything was about the same level when I think about it.

If I remember correctly I think you’re like a few years older than me. Had an uneventful Saturn return? Mine is coming up and I’m trying to be super chill about it.

Posted by AquaClassy
Post pantry depression when you have to have your shit together because you have newborn.

Postpartum has also been the worst part of it for me. It’s so infuriating how people don’t take it seriously enough. I’ve even recently come across a reputable medical doctor suffer from it so bad that they murdered their own infant..

Posted by AerialView
We've come a long way that raising A single child is HARD.

Thank you feminism.

Feminism isn’t even to blame. It’s America’s toxic culture of sacrificing your life to work and it still not being enough. If it wasn’t for my husband getting 4 months of parental leave and taking care of the baby a lot of it while I healed and snapped out of what felt like postpartum depression, I don’t know how things would’ve ended up. But he works out of town multiple days a week so I’m left to do stuff alone often. But yeah America’s extremely shitty parental leave (among the worst in the world) makes it all the more bad. My husband’s manager had the audacity to tell him he wasn’t at any point going to be ranked much above average for the past year simply because he took 4 months off since even if he exceeded in performance afterwards it wouldn’t matter much. Like wtf? And yeah that guy is in his 40s with no wife and kids, I wonder why 🙄

Posted by aquarius09
This is why I chose a long time ago to not have children. The good about children just doesn’t outweigh the hassles and hardships they bring.

Most people don’t really introspect what having a child entails or even realize that they, on subconscious level dread having a kid, which is why they keep postponing kids.

All these men on dating apps want kids and ask me why I don’t want them. When I assess their financial and economic means, that’s when THEY realize how much they’ve romanticized the concept like women. In their fantasy, a kid comes out and their gainfully employed wife does all the leg work like old times and they both provide for the kid. LOL. Every pragmatic factor about having kids is disregarded.

Ugh I wish I didn’t innately deeply desire having kids. They’re totally too much effort for what they’re worth on average once they’re adults. I have no idea why from a young age I’ve always wanted a huge family. I’ve always been told I’d be a good mom (I guess to like much older kids vs young ones). I hate feeling like I’m not built to handle younger kids but for some bizarre reason it’s not deterring me from wanting more even though I feel like my tolerance cup is overflowing. Idk maybe the damn hormones associated with that are too much in my body idk 😭

I’m curious what an Aqua stellium’s toughest time in life would be so far?

Posted by hoeflation

Posted by SassyKiwi

Posted by hoeflation
Getting home drunk without a car

Oh no, where was the damn chauffeur? Did you have to walk or take public transportation 😱?

Yes and yes! 😭 it was tricky I had to puke in a corner for a bit. 😅

click to expand

😬 As long as you made it home unscathed!

Posted by hoeflation

Posted by SassyKiwi

Posted by hoeflation
Getting home drunk without a car

Oh no, where was the damn chauffeur? Did you have to walk or take public transportation 😱?

click to expand

Yes and yes! 😭 it was tricky I had to puke in a corner for a bit. 😅

click to expand

No way I’d let a strung out Ands walk home at night with a towel over the chest.

Posted by SassyKiwi

Posted by AerialView
We've come a long way that raising A single child is HARD.
Thank you feminism.

Feminism isn’t even to blame. It’s America’s toxic culture of sacrificing your life to work and it still not being enough. If it wasn’t for my husband getting 4 months of parental leave and taking care of the baby a lot of it while I healed and snapped out of what felt like postpartum depression, I don’t know how things would’ve ended up. But he works out of town multiple days a week so I’m left to do stuff alone often. But yeah America’s extremely shitty parental leave (among the worst in the world) makes it all the more bad. My husband’s manager had the audacity to tell him he wasn’t at any point going to be ranked much above average for the past year simply because he took 4 months off since even if he exceeded in performance afterwards it wouldn’t matter much. Like wtf? And yeah that guy is in his 40s with no wife and kids, I wonder why 🙄

click to expand

Even your baby wants to speak to your manager

Posted by KimboSlice

Posted by SassyKiwi

Posted by AerialView
We've come a long way that raising A single child is HARD.
Thank you feminism.

Feminism isn’t even to blame. It’s America’s toxic culture of sacrificing your life to work and it still not being enough. If it wasn’t for my husband getting 4 months of parental leave and taking care of the baby a lot of it while I healed and snapped out of what felt like postpartum depression, I don’t know how things would’ve ended up. But he works out of town multiple days a week so I’m left to do stuff alone often. But yeah America’s extremely shitty parental leave (among the worst in the world) makes it all the more bad. My husband’s manager had the audacity to tell him he wasn’t at any point going to be ranked much above average for the past year simply because he took 4 months off since even if he exceeded in performance afterwards it wouldn’t matter much. Like wtf? And yeah that guy is in his 40s with no wife and kids, I wonder why 🙄
click to expand

Even your baby wants to speak to your manager

click to expand

About what? How being treated like a princess 24/7 isn’t enough? We just spent over $ 2,000 for the past month exclusively on expensive butt cream 😭

Posted by SassyKiwi

Posted by aquarius09
This is why I chose a long time ago to not have children. The good about children just doesn’t outweigh the hassles and hardships they bring.

Most people don’t really introspect what having a child entails or even realize that they, on subconscious level dread having a kid, which is why they keep postponing kids.

All these men on dating apps want kids and ask me why I don’t want them. When I assess their financial and economic means, that’s when THEY realize how much they’ve romanticized the concept like women. In their fantasy, a kid comes out and their gainfully employed wife does all the leg work like old times and they both provide for the kid. LOL. Every pragmatic factor about having kids is disregarded.

Ugh I wish I didn’t innately deeply desire having kids. They’re totally too much effort for what they’re worth on average once they’re adults. I have no idea why from a young age I’ve always wanted a huge family. I’ve always been told I’d be a good mom (I guess to like much older kids vs young ones). I hate feeling like I’m not built to handle younger kids but for some bizarre reason it’s not deterring me from wanting more even though I feel like my tolerance cup is overflowing. Idk maybe the damn hormones associated with that are too much in my body idk 😭

I’m curious what an Aqua stellium’s toughest time in life would be so far?

click to expand

Thank you for your honesty in your response.

Well, believe it or not but I’m a candle holder, possibly because I don’t like crying or moping. I can’t handle heartbreak. Hardest for me and to this day I get emotional about it is losing a cat I got in grade 5 to cancer 17 yrs later. It was like my kid and I took care of him. When he got diagnosed with cancer, my stupid religious sister (who had a lot of say for his matters as she got him) was opposed to euthanizing. Cats start hiding when they get sick, so he used to stay in the basement, stopped eating as his tumor got too big for him to walk. I used to sit with him in the basement after university to give him company (didn’t want a sick animal to be alone). Eventually I couldn’t see his suffering since I was the only one spending time with him in the basement. My selfish sister was already married and gone but still wanted to make rules on him. I lost my temper and decided that I would take him to the vet myself on the bus after school one day. My mom got courage when I lost my temper and decided that she would take me to the vet after school. That day before going to school, I sobbed (and I’ve never cried like that ever to this day) as I prayed (I was religious back then too) to have God take him naturally because I felt bad euthanizing him. It was very hard emotionally because I was asking God to take something that I didn’t want to lose but I wanted him out of his suffering. Weird feeling!! After praying I went to school only for my mom to inform me that he died shortly after I left for school. I went into an isolated corner and sobbed (bittersweet moment because I was extremely sad to lose my fur baby but also happy that God heard me and took him naturally to end his suffering). It’s still hard I guess because I cried as I wrote this.

To date, the hardest things I've ever done was euthanizing two dogs. Thankfully, they both told me when it was time. I will see them again. ❤️

Posted by aquarius09

Posted by SassyKiwi

Posted by aquarius09
This is why I chose a long time ago to not have children. The good about children just doesn’t outweigh the hassles and hardships they bring.
Most people don’t really introspect what having a child entails or even realize that they, on subconscious level dread having a kid, which is why they keep postponing kids.
All these men on dating apps want kids and ask me why I don’t want them. When I assess their financial and economic means, that’s when THEY realize how much they’ve romanticized the concept like women. In their fantasy, a kid comes out and their gainfully employed wife does all the leg work like old times and they both provide for the kid. LOL. Every pragmatic factor about having kids is disregarded.

Ugh I wish I didn’t innately deeply desire having kids. They’re totally too much effort for what they’re worth on average once they’re adults. I have no idea why from a young age I’ve always wanted a huge family. I’ve always been told I’d be a good mom (I guess to like much older kids vs young ones). I hate feeling like I’m not built to handle younger kids but for some bizarre reason it’s not deterring me from wanting more even though I feel like my tolerance cup is overflowing. Idk maybe the damn hormones associated with that are too much in my body idk 😭

I’m curious what an Aqua stellium’s toughest time in life would be so far?

click to expand

Thank you for your honesty in your response.

Well, believe it or not but I’m a candle holder, possibly because I don’t like crying or moping. I can’t handle heartbreak. Hardest for me and to this day I get emotional about it is losing a cat I got in grade 5 to cancer 17 yrs later. It was like my kid and I took care of him. When he got diagnosed with cancer, my stupid religious sister (who had a lot of say for his matters as she got him) was opposed to euthanizing. Cats start hiding when they get sick, so he used to stay in the basement, stopped eating as his tumor got too big for him to walk. I used to sit with him in the basement after university to give him company (didn’t want a sick animal to be alone). Eventually I couldn’t see his suffering since I was the only one spending time with him in the basement. My selfish sister was already married and gone but still wanted to make rules on him. I lost my temper and decided that I would take him to the vet myself on the bus after school one day. My mom got courage when I lost my temper and decided that she would take me to the vet after school. That day before going to school, I sobbed (and I’ve never cried like that ever to this day) as I prayed (I was religious back then too) to have God take him naturally because I felt bad euthanizing him. It was very hard emotionally because I was asking God to take something that I didn’t want to lose but I wanted him out of his suffering. Weird feeling!! After praying I went to school only for my mom to inform me that he died shortly after I left for school. I went into an isolated corner and sobbed (bittersweet moment because I was extremely sad to lose my fur baby but also happy that God heard me and took him naturally to end his suffering). It’s still hard I guess because I cried as I wrote this.

click to expand

Still waters run deep. Heartbreaks would turn my Aqua placements into a poet 🤣 But seriously the best tip ever is to let yourself cry your heart over it until you can’t anymore (whether it takes days or weeks) so that everything gets flushed out of your system in a figurative and literal way. 110% you’ll mull over it less and less as time passes after that. I’ve never had a pet (although it might’ve possibly deterred me from wanting kids so much), so I can only imagine the connection you had with your furbaby. Your vibe and energy has always reminded me so much of a close Taurus friend who also has a cat they adore to pieces. It’s so wonderful your prayer was answered to help you feel more at peace with the loss. Did you get anymore pets afterwards?

Posted by SassyKiwi

Posted by aquarius09

Posted by SassyKiwi

Posted by aquarius09
This is why I chose a long time ago to not have children. The good about children just doesn’t outweigh the hassles and hardships they bring.
Most people don’t really introspect what having a child entails or even realize that they, on subconscious level dread having a kid, which is why they keep postponing kids.
All these men on dating apps want kids and ask me why I don’t want them. When I assess their financial and economic means, that’s when THEY realize how much they’ve romanticized the concept like women. In their fantasy, a kid comes out and their gainfully employed wife does all the leg work like old times and they both provide for the kid. LOL. Every pragmatic factor about having kids is disregarded.

Ugh I wish I didn’t innately deeply desire having kids. They’re totally too much effort for what they’re worth on average once they’re adults. I have no idea why from a young age I’ve always wanted a huge family. I’ve always been told I’d be a good mom (I guess to like much older kids vs young ones). I hate feeling like I’m not built to handle younger kids but for some bizarre reason it’s not deterring me from wanting more even though I feel like my tolerance cup is overflowing. Idk maybe the damn hormones associated with that are too much in my body idk 😭

I’m curious what an Aqua stellium’s toughest time in life would be so far?

click to expand

Thank you for your honesty in your response.

Well, believe it or not but I’m a candle holder, possibly because I don’t like crying or moping. I can’t handle heartbreak. Hardest for me and to this day I get emotional about it is losing a cat I got in grade 5 to cancer 17 yrs later. It was like my kid and I took care of him. When he got diagnosed with cancer, my stupid religious sister (who had a lot of say for his matters as she got him) was opposed to euthanizing. Cats start hiding when they get sick, so he used to stay in the basement, stopped eating as his tumor got too big for him to walk. I used to sit with him in the basement after university to give him company (didn’t want a sick animal to be alone). Eventually I couldn’t see his suffering since I was the only one spending time with him in the basement. My selfish sister was already married and gone but still wanted to make rules on him. I lost my temper and decided that I would take him to the vet myself on the bus after school one day. My mom got courage when I lost my temper and decided that she would take me to the vet after school. That day before going to school, I sobbed (and I’ve never cried like that ever to this day) as I prayed (I was religious back then too) to have God take him naturally because I felt bad euthanizing him. It was very hard emotionally because I was asking God to take something that I didn’t want to lose but I wanted him out of his suffering. Weird feeling!! After praying I went to school only for my mom to inform me that he died shortly after I left for school. I went into an isolated corner and sobbed (bittersweet moment because I was extremely sad to lose my fur baby but also happy that God heard me and took him naturally to end his suffering). It’s still hard I guess because I cried as I wrote this.

Still waters run deep. Heartbreaks would turn my Aqua placements into a poet 🤣 But seriously the best tip ever is to let yourself cry your heart over it until you can’t anymore (whether it takes days or weeks) so that everything gets flushed out of your system in a figurative and literal way. 110% you’ll mull over it less and less as time passes after that. I’ve never had a pet (although it might’ve possibly deterred me from wanting kids so much), so I can only imagine the connection you had with your furbaby. Your vibe and energy has always reminded me so much of a close Taurus friend who also has a cat they adore to pieces. It’s so wonderful your prayer was answered to help you feel more at peace with the loss. Did you get anymore pets afterwards?

click to expand

I completely agree with you on the catharsis. Otherwise it’s just aggravating and leads to resentment. I had two cats at the same time and forever grateful that they were a helpful conduit in learning about myself. One of the reasons I didn’t have kids is I know I wouldn’t handle loss or critical illness of my child well nor do I want to face that pain again. Having said all this, no, I never got a pet again after I lost both my fur babies. I don’t want to ever re-live that pain! Also, don’t ever want to my a helpless animal through that again for my selfish reasons - since I found out during the cancer diagnosis from the vet that both my cats got cancer as a result of the annual vaccine we administered. Gave me a pamphlet explaining that and I cussed my vet off!

I hope your Taurus friend is doing well.

Posted by SassyKiwi

Posted by Libra4rmTX
Watch my grandma struggle thru Alzheimer's. That shit took a major toll on me. She raised me. And the end was gruesome. She died and had CPR done on her and died 4 months later. I was beyond heartbroken. Didn't know she was dying before I went to work. By my lunch break she was gone....

You never forget a person's last breath. Last heartbeats. You never get over that blank stare. You never get over ppl being ashamed to be next to someone who can't remember. You just don't. At least I haven't. And that was 2014

Not many people close with their grandparents these days but I only have my maternal grandmother left and I can’t fathom loosing her much less like how you lost yours. My mind just refuses to go there. I’m worried I might take it too hard as well.

click to expand

You know, what I took hard was the anger from ppl turning their back on her....in CHURCH. One of her kids and one of her siblings. The anger killed me. As far as remorse goes, I didn't really feel any. I hate HOW she died not that she died🙂



I say that to say this. When you treat ppl you love with genuine respect and love, when they pass on it doesn't hurt so much. You miss them. But you don't have those questions of what could I have done. I was there.....from start to finish. And it's why me and her are still connected ☺️



Let your love for your grandmother dictate y'all relationship. Understand that we all have to pass. All of us. But the time we spend together means so much mf more than the final moments of life itself. I hope that wasn't too dark lol.

Existing among ignorance.

Posted by SassyKiwi

Posted by Walk_on_by
No idea, I don't think I've been through anything really hard and everything was about the same level when I think about it.

If I remember correctly I think you’re like a few years older than me. Had an uneventful Saturn return? Mine is coming up and I’m trying to be super chill about it.

click to expand

Yeah it was pretty eventful I suppose

Posted by SassyKiwi

Posted by MyStarsShine
Giving birth and almost not making it - losing lots of blood

Losing my father and sister to cancer within 6 wks of each other - travelling alone by plane and trains to her funeral.

Getting a phone call to say my mother had died suddenly and then dealing with my suicidal father afterwards

My marriage breaking up

Having to move five times in 17 months - absolutely fuckin exhausting

There’s more but I’ll give someone else a chance 😃

These are all so beyond devastating and could happen to any of us any moment as we get older. You are more than welcome to mention more.

click to expand

I’m surprised I’m still standing … the upside is it’s made me extremely strong 💪 and resilient

Okay more 😂

As a kid, my main fear was being left by my family. I’d reoccurring dreams of them abandoning me and waking up feeling so terrified. The years rolled on and it ends up I’m the only remaining member of the family ~ all nine of them passed, so be careful

what you fear.

The dynamic in my family was strange …. My sister seemed to be favored whilst I was seen as the “strange” one. Turns out she was not too good a woman. She cut all of us off but before doing so her husband offered my dad a loan to get our mum a hip replacement. But he was going to charge him interest!! I ripped into him and told him how disgusting he was and would he do that to his own dad? Dad told him to stuff it

A few years later I found myself standing in church next to him at my sister’s funeral … so difficult. Afterwards he hit on me…..unbelievable. My sister wouldn’t answer the phone to Dad even tho he’d cancer. She set a ring tone especially for him so she could ignore him. I got all the fallout of his suicidal tendencies, I received a call from hospital saying he was trying to hang himself in the bathroom. At the time I was trying to be the best mother and daughter I could be, I’d had little sleep since he was born so was hanging on by a thread.

When my Dad got sick he confessed that “he’d got it wrong and my sister was no good and I was the one with the love”. Kind of late to observe but I forgave him.

When our son left home I broke down, it felt like a culmination of all the loss I’d suffered and I couldn’t keep it together. A couple years later he moved country and that was tough too but he calls and visits often so that helps.

I think if I wasn’t so spiritual 🙏and a Scorpio, I’d be dead by now😫 ~ we just keep plunging to the depths and coming back lol

There’s more but I’ve written too much already 🙃

Just to add, I’ve never met a Scorpio who hasn’t been through some traumatic transformational experience - it’s meant for us to die and come back to life

Posted by SassyKiwi

Posted by Soul
Staying somewhat sane, at least enough to blend in with society. Like I'll be real, I've held so much shit in the last 3 years the next person to truly set me off might get murdered. I'm not even joking, would justify it in my own head, and feel nothing.

Sun square moon in guys has a pretty bad rep in astrology. Being double fixed doesn’t help. It’s an internally very tough placement (opposition isn’t even nearly bad). What exactly have you been holding in the past few years that could aggressively set you off any time now? Do you have a safe external outlet to release this excess energy?

click to expand

Yea I masterbate twice before I leave the house, and make sure my testosterone is pretty much neutral. It's just little shit like living in a world surrounded by people who themselves are also little fucks living on the edge.

Like today when pulling out of a parking space at the gas station some old ass guy came rolling in before I could turn out the spot fully and started blaring on his horn like I was the dickhead. So I flipped him off and went to a pump and almost jumped out of my car. Which is shit I never use to do. I never cared enough to show any emotion back in the day tbh. I was fighting my emotions and so pissed. I circled past his car a few times, and he wouldn't get out. At that point I circled around the station and just left. I felt leaving him in a stat of not knowing where I was would be the only positive enjoyment I could get. This is because I'm not stupid. Even in my most fucked of state of mind I'm still rational. I realized just because I'm pissed doesn't mean I know who the fuck I'm dealing with. That guy could be even more unhinged, and potentially have a gun. Point in case blaring on the horn while I'm backing out of a parking spot. Yet in that moment I just want to follow him home and fuck with his life forever.

It's such a small petty thing, and I always play the pacifist while letting these bitch ass people get away with shit. Like I would never unhinge and fuck up innocent people. But the thoughts that go through my mind when people piss me off actually scare me back into reality sometimes.

Explaining American kids the difference between Mass and Weight.

Posted by Soul

Posted by SassyKiwi

Posted by Soul
Staying somewhat sane, at least enough to blend in with society. Like I'll be real, I've held so much shit in the last 3 years the next person to truly set me off might get murdered. I'm not even joking, would justify it in my own head, and feel nothing.

Sun square moon in guys has a pretty bad rep in astrology. Being double fixed doesn’t help. It’s an internally very tough placement (opposition isn’t even nearly bad). What exactly have you been holding in the past few years that could aggressively set you off any time now? Do you have a safe external outlet to release this excess energy?

click to expand

Yea I masterbate twice before I leave the house, and make sure my testosterone is pretty much neutral. It's just little shit like living in a world surrounded by people who themselves are also little fucks living on the edge.

Like today when pulling out of a parking space at the gas station some old ass guy came rolling in before I could turn out the spot fully and started blaring on his horn like I was the dickhead. So I flipped him off and went to a pump and almost jumped out of my car. Which is shit I never use to do. I never cared enough to show any emotion back in the day tbh. I was fighting my emotions and so pissed. I circled past his car a few times, and he wouldn't get out. At that point I circled around the station and just left. I felt leaving him in a stat of not knowing where I was would be the only positive enjoyment I could get. This is because I'm not stupid. Even in my most fucked of state of mind I'm still rational. I realized just because I'm pissed doesn't mean I know who the fuck I'm dealing with. That guy could be even more unhinged, and potentially have a gun. Point in case blaring on the horn while I'm backing out of a parking spot. Yet in that moment I just want to follow him home and fuck with his life forever.

It's such a small petty thing, and I always play the pacifist while letting these bitch ass people get away with shit. Like I would never unhinge and fuck up innocent people. But the thoughts that go through my mind when people piss me off actually scare me back into reality sometimes.

click to expand

Have you considered boxing? It also sounds like grounding yourself might help. Have you tried shutting everything off and completely just immersing yourself with nature? Even long strolls on trails would help.

Posted by Saturn_Returns
Tolerating Valentine's Day.

Yeah cause every day better be v-day 😌

Posted by SassyKiwi

Posted by Soul

Posted by SassyKiwi

Posted by Soul
Staying somewhat sane, at least enough to blend in with society. Like I'll be real, I've held so much shit in the last 3 years the next person to truly set me off might get murdered. I'm not even joking, would justify it in my own head, and feel nothing.

Sun square moon in guys has a pretty bad rep in astrology. Being double fixed doesn’t help. It’s an internally very tough placement (opposition isn’t even nearly bad). What exactly have you been holding in the past few years that could aggressively set you off any time now? Do you have a safe external outlet to release this excess energy?

click to expand

Yea I masterbate twice before I leave the house, and make sure my testosterone is pretty much neutral. It's just little shit like living in a world surrounded by people who themselves are also little fucks living on the edge.

Like today when pulling out of a parking space at the gas station some old ass guy came rolling in before I could turn out the spot fully and started blaring on his horn like I was the dickhead. So I flipped him off and went to a pump and almost jumped out of my car. Which is shit I never use to do. I never cared enough to show any emotion back in the day tbh. I was fighting my emotions and so pissed. I circled past his car a few times, and he wouldn't get out. At that point I circled around the station and just left. I felt leaving him in a stat of not knowing where I was would be the only positive enjoyment I could get. This is because I'm not stupid. Even in my most fucked of state of mind I'm still rational. I realized just because I'm pissed doesn't mean I know who the fuck I'm dealing with. That guy could be even more unhinged, and potentially have a gun. Point in case blaring on the horn while I'm backing out of a parking spot. Yet in that moment I just want to follow him home and fuck with his life forever.

It's such a small petty thing, and I always play the pacifist while letting these bitch ass people get away with shit. Like I would never unhinge and fuck up innocent people. But the thoughts that go through my mind when people piss me off actually scare me back into reality sometimes.

Have you considered boxing? It also sounds like grounding yourself might help. Have you tried shutting everything off and completely just immersing yourself with nature? Even long strolls on trails would help.

click to expand

True. Maybe boxing some day. It's clear I have some pent up stuff that really needs to leave my soul in a safe way positive. I'm getting closer and closer to saying fuck it and just get a gym membership, as much as I hate being around those type of people. I think hard intense workouts might actually be an outlet for some of the things. Also getting into nature truly helps.

Posted by Soul

Posted by SassyKiwi

Posted by Soul

Posted by SassyKiwi

Posted by Soul
Staying somewhat sane, at least enough to blend in with society. Like I'll be real, I've held so much shit in the last 3 years the next person to truly set me off might get murdered. I'm not even joking, would justify it in my own head, and feel nothing.

Sun square moon in guys has a pretty bad rep in astrology. Being double fixed doesn’t help. It’s an internally very tough placement (opposition isn’t even nearly bad). What exactly have you been holding in the past few years that could aggressively set you off any time now? Do you have a safe external outlet to release this excess energy?
click to expand

Yea I masterbate twice before I leave the house, and make sure my testosterone is pretty much neutral. It's just little shit like living in a world surrounded by people who themselves are also little fucks living on the edge.
Like today when pulling out of a parking space at the gas station some old ass guy came rolling in before I could turn out the spot fully and started blaring on his horn like I was the dickhead. So I flipped him off and went to a pump and almost jumped out of my car. Which is shit I never use to do. I never cared enough to show any emotion back in the day tbh. I was fighting my emotions and so pissed. I circled past his car a few times, and he wouldn't get out. At that point I circled around the station and just left. I felt leaving him in a stat of not knowing where I was would be the only positive enjoyment I could get. This is because I'm not stupid. Even in my most fucked of state of mind I'm still rational. I realized just because I'm pissed doesn't mean I know who the fuck I'm dealing with. That guy could be even more unhinged, and potentially have a gun. Point in case blaring on the horn while I'm backing out of a parking spot. Yet in that moment I just want to follow him home and fuck with his life forever.
It's such a small petty thing, and I always play the pacifist while letting these bitch ass people get away with shit. Like I would never unhinge and fuck up innocent people. But the thoughts that go through my mind when people piss me off actually scare me back into reality sometimes.

Have you considered boxing? It also sounds like grounding yourself might help. Have you tried shutting everything off and completely just immersing yourself with nature? Even long strolls on trails would help.

click to expand

True. Maybe boxing some day. It's clear I have some pent up stuff that really needs to leave my soul in a safe way positive. I'm getting closer and closer to saying fuck it and just get a gym membership, as much as I hate being around those type of people. I think hard intense workouts might actually be an outlet for some of the things. Also getting into nature truly helps.

click to expand

Also go to the beach (if you’re near) or a lake! Unburden everything unto them.

Geez what a question…. Maybe telling my ex the love of my life so far that I cheated on him and then leaving him and getting clean. That or coming to terms with both of my mothers deaths.

Posted by SassyKiwi

Posted by Soul

Posted by SassyKiwi

Posted by Soul

Posted by SassyKiwi

Posted by Soul
Staying somewhat sane, at least enough to blend in with society. Like I'll be real, I've held so much shit in the last 3 years the next person to truly set me off might get murdered. I'm not even joking, would justify it in my own head, and feel nothing.

Sun square moon in guys has a pretty bad rep in astrology. Being double fixed doesn’t help. It’s an internally very tough placement (opposition isn’t even nearly bad). What exactly have you been holding in the past few years that could aggressively set you off any time now? Do you have a safe external outlet to release this excess energy?
click to expand

Yea I masterbate twice before I leave the house, and make sure my testosterone is pretty much neutral. It's just little shit like living in a world surrounded by people who themselves are also little fucks living on the edge.
Like today when pulling out of a parking space at the gas station some old ass guy came rolling in before I could turn out the spot fully and started blaring on his horn like I was the dickhead. So I flipped him off and went to a pump and almost jumped out of my car. Which is shit I never use to do. I never cared enough to show any emotion back in the day tbh. I was fighting my emotions and so pissed. I circled past his car a few times, and he wouldn't get out. At that point I circled around the station and just left. I felt leaving him in a stat of not knowing where I was would be the only positive enjoyment I could get. This is because I'm not stupid. Even in my most fucked of state of mind I'm still rational. I realized just because I'm pissed doesn't mean I know who the fuck I'm dealing with. That guy could be even more unhinged, and potentially have a gun. Point in case blaring on the horn while I'm backing out of a parking spot. Yet in that moment I just want to follow him home and fuck with his life forever.
It's such a small petty thing, and I always play the pacifist while letting these bitch ass people get away with shit. Like I would never unhinge and fuck up innocent people. But the thoughts that go through my mind when people piss me off actually scare me back into reality sometimes.

Have you considered boxing? It also sounds like grounding yourself might help. Have you tried shutting everything off and completely just immersing yourself with nature? Even long strolls on trails would help.

click to expand

True. Maybe boxing some day. It's clear I have some pent up stuff that really needs to leave my soul in a safe way positive. I'm getting closer and closer to saying fuck it and just get a gym membership, as much as I hate being around those type of people. I think hard intense workouts might actually be an outlet for some of the things. Also getting into nature truly helps.

Also go to the beach (if you’re near) or a lake! Unburden everything unto them.

click to expand

My chakra is extremely unbalanced at this point. I can remember a time it wasn't, but rn it's at its worst. I think you're 100% right. I haven't been to the ocean for like 10 years, yet can remember how that feeling lasted for months. Idk how time has slipped me so much, but I truly believe a trip to the ocean would heal a huge part of my turmoil. Something about the sun, sand, wind, water, waves, and salt really puts life into perspective. Also the unfathomable mass of it all. I honestly need more of that in my life.

Breaking up with someone or divorcing. I just get too attached to people.

Most recently - facing being homeless - always my worst fear..

I think I’ve now enough material to write the book. 🙃

Hardest thing for me so far was watching my mom die of cancer for almost a year and to top it all off while one of the times she was in the hospital my grandmother passed away.

Posted by hoeflation

Posted by SassyKiwi

Posted by hoeflation
Getting home drunk without a car

Oh no, where was the damn chauffeur? Did you have to walk or take public transportation 😱?

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Yes and yes! 😭 it was tricky I had to puke in a corner for a bit. 😅

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What about Losing your astrologer

Bury my grandmother.

That was tough.

I want to visit her soon