He's Engaged!

My weirdo aqua ex sent me a random email today. Where we normally have regular communication, I must admit that this year I've disappeared on him. For the first time since we began dating back in 2000, I actually forgot his bday. I just have a lot going on and where he'll always hold an important role, sometimes we get wrapped up in our own shit ya know?

Well, the email was a joke about hillbillies. In my aqua's language this is his way of touching bases as "something" has occurred. So I reply, tell him he's weird and ask him what's going on? Standard question for most people but in this case, "no really, what's going on?"...something has to be going on for him to be so random.

He's engaged.

I'm truly happy for him but I'm also a little miffed. Ever since we've broken up, he has a way of sharing pivotal events in such a way that it gets under my skin. i.e. When he moved last year for a new job, he began calling more regularly. He was lonely, didn't know anyone and he needed a friend. So until he got settled, we spoke regularly and as he got more comfortable, the conversations died down and we got back to our normal email check-ins. I know, this doesn't sound strange until you realize that he's done this a lot...

When he finally quit his first job after college (he was trying for years), he called me.

When he bought a new car, he called me.

When he travels overseas, he calls me.

Any major event, any thing that he planned to do when we were together, he calls. In fact, I know that if he initiates contact out of the blue, after we haven't spoken on the phone in a while, it's because he needs to tell me that he's accomplished some goal.

When we broke up, I desperately clung to his friendship and I made a vow to him, even when he was being ABSOLUTELY HORRIBLE to me, that if ever he needed anything, if ever he needed a friend, I'd be there. When I make a commitment to someone, that obligation doesn't end simply because the dynamics of our relationship have.

I dunno what I feel right now. I just know that every time he calls and drops a "look at what I've done" bombshell, I have mixed emotions. I AM happy for him but sometimes I wish we weren't so tied together...that I wasn't on his "must call" list.

Oh well, time to give him a call 😢

thank god...VOICEMAIL!

i'm feeling much better now 🙂

ack! hit button too soon.

i guess if i have any question is, has anyone had an ex get married before you did? how did it make you feel? did you go to the wedding?

"move on?"

stfu

did you read? it's been 10 years dipshit. i don't need "move on" advice.

i feel this way every time he calls me with a life update and i am truly happy for him. and truthfully, i have no reason to feel so "used" because whenever i've needed support from him in the past, he was there for me.

i'm not looking forward to going to this wedding though. UGH! i so totally need a date.

bitch, exit stage right. you are my personal hell. if i could eradicate your bitch ass right now i would.

as i said...

i guess if i have any question is, has anyone had an ex get married before you did? how did it make you feel? did you go to the wedding?

^^answer that shit or step the fuck off my thread.

Posted by MorningMist
I did. Yeah I did. Big deal. No. Now Move on.

Duh.



Maybe it's your extreme negativity that made him marry someone else.

or maybe it's the fact that we haven't seen each other in EIGHT YEARS!

really, stfu

who cares. make it go away!!!!

whatever

Well hell.... tubby feeling nostalgic and clingy??

Listen??_ EX is like rotten tooth, once removed then shall be forgotten..! Put it in your head and live with it.

Posted by Qbone
Well hell.... tubby feeling nostalgic and clingy??

nope, jealous!

repeat...i have not seen this man since 2002. there are no romantic feelings. yes, we are very compatible and maybe under different circumstances, who knows but i don't lament. we live states away from one another. he has visited my state SEVERAL times in the past. his bro lives in the same city as me. again, we have NOT seen one another in 8 years....ok? so this isn't about what you all think.

when i made my commitment to him to be at his side AS A FRIEND forever, i was naive. i think now as a mature adult, i would never make that proclamation to anyone but the man i will someday share children with. but that's not exactly true.... but i do it all the time.

my word is my bond. i don't give a shit how wrong you did me. i won't allow you to change who i am. if i gave you my word, my word and my intentions are steadfast. on an astro level, i was reading how this is due to my 12 house placements. i feel like i'm martyring myself in a way.

he hurt me bad. he truly doesn't deserve to be my friend. i think i hold on to that but i'm happy that we were able to rise above it. at least, we seemingly have. i still feel like i'm being walked on in a way. so when he calls and says, "hey, i went on that trip that we were going on. let me show you some pics." part of me is like, AWESOME! pictures. the other part of me is pissed. the "awesome" wins out though. i'd rather be happy than angry.

if you've ever seen the show Reba...where her husband cheats on her, impregnates his employee, leaves Reba, marries the employee and the employee becomes Reba's "best friend" then you can relate to what i'm saying. there's a part of what i feel that is out of my control. is what it is. find the silver lining and smile. but even with the good, the bad is still there. in the case of this fictional show, imagine what it'd be like to have your husband's mistress, now wife and mother in your face all the time? rationally, you may acknowledge your marriage was a failure. emotionally, it still hurts.

^oh, and i want to add, he has offered to see me, fly me out several times. i have ALWAYS declined. it's not about being with him. i'm trying to pin down what i feel in this regard and i dunno what it is. it's not jealousy. i'm not that surface...clearly 😛

just think what Aeon flux would d and do it

I have an "ex" that does this too.
Ours was not a significant relationship for me, in fact I rarely even mention him as an ex.
He was a year younger than me, he was adorable, but I don't know what I was thinking. :/ We were totally on different levels - I think I just liked the feeling I had with him....very young & light.

Anyways, we were friends before and remained good friends after.
I think I had a lot of influence on him. He kind of looked up to me? If that makes sense. (I was pretty much his first "relationship.")

Haven't spoken to him in months, but he used to always call me to update me on his life.
He also called me a lot when he was having problems with girlfriends or with his mother. I heard about pretty much every breakup, every fight, every pregnancy scare, lol he like really clung to me and valued my opinion.

Kind of cute I guess. I'm always 100% happy for him.
But then again, we had a very different relationship than yours, Tubb

I love it how someone makes a thread on how they are not jealous or something an everyone posts that they are and it brings out their green eyed monster and when they seem normal at first by the end of it they seem crazy like lilydol this is just my observaion so i'm not treading on peoples feet

11...Tubby never seemed normal though 🙂

of the universe

uhm...k.

we actually just got off the phone. we talked for a little over an hour. he's doing well. the proposal was kinda cheesy but sweet. they're getting married next year...in MAY! probably on my birthday knowing his ass. he's gonna want me to be there and ugh! not how i want to celebrate my bday.

him getting married is not so much what motivates this. as i said, i feel this way every time he sends his weirdo "call me's." it's funny cause i told him that when i got the joke email yesterday, i knew he wanted to talk and he said yeah, we still speak in code. nah negro, you do!

i realized last night that when he calls to either catch up or when he needs to bend my ear, i'm resentful...not jealous. the aqua broke up with me the day before my mother died.

I was actually gonna say you sound more resentful than jealous.
Damn I'm good

But in the same way, resentment is often brought on by jealousy soooo

yeah, i'm so totally jealous that he was a fucked up friend.

as i said, believe what ya want.

last night, i thought maybe i was feeling something with regard to the engagement but truth be told, i feel this way EVERY time he does this. i remember talking to my "pisces" bff the last time it occurred and what i feel in that moment, when i know that i have to call him so that he can tell me "whatever" is...

"who cares and why are you telling me this shit?"

i just feel like i turned the other cheek so much with him that befriending him now is like crawling into bed with my abuser. there's absolutely no reason why i should be this man's friend and yet, do i judge our friendship in the context of my mom's death or do i focus on the bond we've formed sense then? that's what i struggle with. in the end, i put the friendship first but, it's not easy...it never has been.

Posted by LovelyScorp
...and I thought I had a big ego and denial issues.

nah, but i heard you have a large, gaping vagina though.

^try not denying that.

you admit that your special place is as large, dirty and frequently visited as truck stop and i'll admit that i'm jealous of whatever it is i'm supposed to be jealous of.

kay?

u go first.

Tubb are you a lesbo? You always insist on talking about people's vaginas like right after they disagree with you

It's really very bizarre

Posted by LovelyScorp

Posted by brianafay
Tubb are you a lesbo? You always insist on talking about people's vaginas like right after they disagree with you

bummer. I thought I was special.

click to expand

Lol sorry sweetieee there have been many more before you 😢

Posted by brianafay
Tubb are you a lesbo? You always insist on talking about people's vaginas like right after they disagree with you

naaaaaah, but you can so totally kiss my ass though.

let's go with bi.

Posted by tubbyscubby

Posted by brianafay
Tubb are you a lesbo? You always insist on talking about people's vaginas like right after they disagree with you

naaaaaah, but you can so totally kiss my ass though.

let's go with bi.

click to expand

knew it

Yeah Tubby you're a big turd.
You made someone's ass bleed for sureeeeeeeee

Now I'm a homosexual man. Talking about assholes. God wtf is my problem

Posted by Beetleguese

Posted by brianafay
Now I'm a homosexual man. Talking about assholes. God wtf is my problem

Only homos have ass sex? I can see that it's never gonna work out between us now, you probably like to let the toilet paper hang from the back of the roll too and that's a deal breaker 🙂

click to expand

Lol yep, exit only.

Better we realized this now I guess 😢
I'll always love you, compare everyone else to you....... *violin playing*

Posted by MorningMist
Briana = high?

HAHA. I wish. I'm at work. I'm just feeling quite deranged today.

So everyone else notices too? Great.

eh, i dunno. you're a fucking weirdo if you ask me. why are you even responding here? what part of i LOATHE you don't you get?

and at that elderly scorpbitch, i didnt say your vagina was ugly. i said that it's an abyss that's frequently explored by men who use spit cups.

frankly, when someone tells you that you're on the wrong track, you might want to believe them instead of repeating the same off-track shit over and over.

you're right, i could be jealous...or maybe, just maybe it kinda sucks to have the "friend" who wasn't there for you when your mom passed reach out to you two days before your mom's birthday?

i honestly just came here to vent. it was too late to call my "pisces" bff but i've worked through my emo. but yall can feel free to muse...

Posted by fourthwallbreaker
tubby's cubby -

tubby = fat, plump, porky

cubby (a la cubby hole) - small restrictive hole

therefore tubby's cubby = fat restrictive minge

alternately

tubby scubby

tubby = as before

scubby (good ol' urbandictionary, Mon maitre, mon sauveur !!!) - "The perfect blend of scummy and chubby"

ergo = fat, fat and scummy

(I'll offer a heartfelt apology if this is too harsh and does offend on some level, as it is a bit malicious )

you've been trying to get my attention for a while now. i've acknowledged you. are you happy?

glad that you could spend so much time focusing on me...AWESOME!

Posted by MorningMist
Seriously is she always like that? What an ugly person.

and the BEAUTY in this is your dumbass is still here.

so fourth, your "help" involves sending retorts equivalent to what i'd expect from a 10 year old?

yeaaaaaaaaaa, now i know why i didn't acknowledged you before. let's get back to that shall we?

Posted by LovelyScorp
"you're right, i could be jealous"

Hey, thanks for admiting you are flawed.

yep. my flaw is in giving you the presumption that you're worthy of speaking to me.

won't make that mistake again.

i'm wondering how i created a thread that has drawn in so many fucking wack ass members.

Posted by MorningMist
So? Why are so nasty? Because you know you need to move on and you don't . You know I think you were the bad friend in all this. You just need to justify why you are so ugly .

dude, are you about to cry?

bitch shut up already. not only am i bad friend but if you were here right now i'd cut ya and gut ya.

Posted by Beetleguese

Posted by tubbyscubby

Posted by LovelyScorp
...and I thought I had a big ego and denial issues.

nah, but i heard you have a large, gaping vagina though.

Spoken like an eloquent and elegant mature lady eh? But eff w is the 10 year old, I love upside down day! 🙂

click to expand

and you make me want to invest in a brown bag company.


hmm... did i address everyone? hope so. i gotta get back to work.

lata

That's the thing about exes as friends. We call them friends, but there is always that missing link. Hard to explain.

I never had an ex get married..yet atleast, but I imagine my feelings would be similar to yours. Something as big as marriage is bound to bring a sea of emotions to the surface.

Id go if I were you though. Bring a date and have a grand ol time. I think id end up feeling worse bc of regret and the what ifs if I didn't go...the wedding will probably just end up being a blast and perhaps it will give you a sense of closure that you may not have gotten yet.

Posted by MsPisces.
That's the thing about exes as friends. We call them friends, but there is always that missing link. Hard to explain.

I never had an ex get married..yet atleast, but I imagine my feelings would be similar to yours. Something as big as marriage is bound to bring a sea of emotions to the surface.

Id go if I were you though. Bring a date and have a grand ol time. I think id end up feeling worse bc of regret and the what ifs if I didn't go...the wedding will probably just end up being a blast and perhaps it will give you a sense of closure that you may not have gotten yet.

^that i will respond to.

i dunno if i will go. the reason why i have declined to see him all these years is because part of me wants to curse him out for being such a fucked up person. i've never truly told him how fucked up what he did was. i mean, i alluded to it in the past but never have i got off my chest all the horrible things he did to me with respect to my mom.

i would like to be able to be there for him without feeling resentment. the closure i seek has to deal with my not getting angry at his attempts to have a "normal" friendship.

see, i was fighting my anger in the beginning and by the time i connected with it, it was years later and at that point, we were on good terms. i felt like dredging that stuff up again was unproductive. so i never really told him how much a lot of the things he said and did afterward really hurt me. because i never did that...at least not truly, i never got an apology.

i feel like he owes me one but i also know that it won't be good enough. he was young, he was stupid, he was cruel. he's a different person now and our being able to communicate now is apology enough. or at least that what i tell myself while secretly wanting to spit in his face.

i also KNOW he's sorry for what he did so i feel like i'm not sure if i need to hear it?

this oddly reminds me of monique...how she talking about the sexual abuse she suffered at the hands of her older brother. the bro and parents appeared on oprah afterward and the parents were like, monique behaved as if nothing was wrong. that for years, she and her brother had a seemingly good relationship.

i think sometimes when you're beat down and you're forced to deal with someone who has harmed you, you suck it up and push the anger down. you "behave" normally but in reality, you'd rather not have dealings with that person.

so years later, monique got to a point where she no longer wanted a relationship with her brother and at the time of the oprah show, she hadnt seen her parents in a while either. it's the anger and resentment of the past. her brother is a jackass but she was also angry with her parents for letting it slide. they're family so there's a part where you want to let it go but there's another part that says NO! this isn't right.

that's how i feel about the aqua. at times i just feel like i don't want to know him anymore and yet, he is my friend.

I saw that oprah episode and I know exactly how you feel...funny, it regards an aqua ex, as well.

Nothing major has happened yet like your ex getting married, or moniques success that has made our situation sort of like a boiling point. I have simply stopped looking for an apology, as I know in reality, it won't change anything. Those feelings will still be my own and so I deal with them without the help of him.

I've realized he doesn't owe me anything. Period. I choose to be his friend, so I can't hold him accountable for the feelings that choice of mine sometimes brings up.

Over the years, I've let go of most of my resentment. I appreciate him for all that he is because I've learned so much from our relationship...then and now. Sometimes that's all we get out of relationships...a learning experience.


So I guess your choice is not going and either cut him off, or have a talk about your true feelings...which honestly, probably won't go as well as they could bc of timing..then u come off as selfish and prob a little crazy (since he prob has no idea u feel this way) OR you go and continue being the friend you've tried to be for all these years. If you don't, its kinda like all that was done in vain. Who knows tho. Perhaps it was and this is the wake up call you really need....you can't be friends.

And some Yanks understand Brit humor pretty well. Of course some things don't travel so well across the Pond and vice versa, but! Still pretty damned funny all in all. XOXO - A Septic.

Posted by Beetleguese
VB! You lurker you 😉

Caught again. 😉

Posted by MsPisces.

I've realized he doesn't owe me anything. Period. I choose to be his friend, so I can't hold him accountable for the feelings that choice of mine sometimes brings up.

Over the years, I've let go of most of my resentment. I appreciate him for all that he is because I've learned so much from our relationship...then and now. Sometimes that's all we get out of relationships...a learning experience.

BINGO! i am liking these fishies even more.

that's EXACTLY how i feel whenever i get this way. i so desperately want him to apologize...to own up to what he did, but ultimately, i side with being a friend instead of cutting him off because the problem isn't him. it's me.

if i don't want to feel this way, i don't have to. i'm not a child. i'm a grown woman and the resolution is simple...stop talking to him. but if i choose to deal with him, then i choose to let it go. he can't undo what he did and therefore bringing up the past accomplishes nothing but potentially ruining any future friendship we might have.

and i also learned soooo much about myself as a result of knowing this man. what he did didn't kill me but it did make me stronger. i just hate that other parts of me had to die in the process.

the funny thing is, during that time i had really "good friends" who told me to leave him alone. 8 years later, of those friends i had back then, many of those who said he wasn't worth it are no longer around. he's still here. in fact, we're chatting each other up on yahoo right now. i just feel conflicted but i agree with you, i'm going to do what i've always done...put my big girl panties on, suck this shit up and be what i always said i would, a good friend.

the wedding, i dunno. not so much worried about the awkward nature of it. i'm not big on weddings is all. i will send them an AWESOME gift though 😉

I'm not giving her sympathy...just something to relate to.

I went to such a nice wedding a few weeks ago. It was beautiful and down to earth. I love when the bride and groom are laid back and get up and dance on the dance floor with everyone..act silly, get wasted if they choose 😛


I've been to weddings where the bride seems so unapproachable and stuffy. That makes all the difference in how the wedding goes, imo. Of course, the music not sucking helps too.