I have a question....

I have been in a situation of late that has been a new experience for me and I am not quite sure how to handle this...any advice would be greatly appreciated...thanks in advance.

This guy and I have been seeing each other for about 2 yrs. I have ended it numerous times because I have felt that it is going nowhere (and it won't). Days and weeks will go by and there will be no contact then out of the blue he will make contact saying he misses me..yada, yada! For some strange reason possibly due to the time of being apart - I seem to forgive and foget the past happenings and how he is not good for me emotionally. I let him back in (this is now MY problem). I must admit that this character flaw of mine really is bothering me...I normally keep my word and in this situation I am unable to. After about 2 months of no contact we ended up connecting again. I know this is not right for me and I need to END it again!!!!!!! In the past, I have emailed him or have spoken with him to end it but as you see, on my part it did not work. I think at some level this has become a game to him...to have control. This time after our connection he said that he was going to come by the following day...he didn't, no phone call, nothing. I am not going to react to this behaviour, I will do nothing. I don't care anymore - I want out of this relationship permanantly! Do I email him again telling him it is over and not to contact me or leave it the way it is and say nothing, do nothing and hope that he will not make contact with me again?

I was talking with a friend last night and he seems to be worried about my well being..thinking that this person will hurt me. This person has said to me in the past that he does not want another man to have me...I think that this is not that big of a deal and he will go away on his own.

Thanks again for any insight that you can offer and if you need more info. let me know.

Freebird who doesn't feel free at the moment.....

Do not call him, Do not e mail him. Do not respond to him. If he contacts you just tell him its over, If he makes any sugestion that it isn't go to the local athorties and tell them what he has said . they will probuly have a talk with him. This will in all probabilty end it for good. He will get away with what he can if he thinks you will be his victom as soon as you stand up to him he will probuly back off. If he knows someone becides you knows about the sitution.

Dear Freebird,
Am a bad relationship adviser - but aren?t both of you playing the game?
There must be some very strong underlying attraction between the two of you.
Your inherent aries loyalty, optimism and forgiving nature may be working against you here.
Sorry for a poor input but I can see myself stuck in a situation like this, but like-wise at loss how to get out of it.

PS this is about emotinal manipulation - hopefully not physical abuse??

Thank you kindly for your responses JT and Turtle. JT, not sure if you will be able to hook onto an internet cafe but...you will be incredibly missed on these boards. I wish for you safe travels and await your return with fascinating stories that hopefully you will share with us. Your advice is spot on as usual..I agree, if and when he calls - he will hear from me that I am not interested and it is over!

Hi to you Dear Turtle...I think you are correct too that my loyalty, optimism and forgiving nature are working against me in this situation. Such is life and life is for learning...there is some attraction between us but not exactly sure what it is..he seems to think that we have a spiritual connection - perhaps we do or he may be confusing a spiritual connection with a spiritual erection and wants a connection 😉 Words and actions do not match at this point. Yes for a long time it has been hard to leave this situation but I think that I am finally ready to say those magic words..."I am NOT interested - it is over!" Also helps that I have some other wonderful men in my life that bring so much joy and no drama to the relationships.

Turtle, I see this now that yes this is about emotional manipulation...he trying to find ways back into my life and me letting him only to be disapointed when he goes back into hiding. Not sure why for so long I have put up with this...actually I haven't for awhile and have just now began again with him...some things never change - but now that I see a clearer picture...it is not one that I care to look at any longer. No physical abuse present.

Thanks again for your thoughts~
Freebird

Freebird,
Have you ever thought about enjoying this roller coaster ride?
Could you possibly be too much on guard for whatever there is or isn?t/could or couldn?t be —
There MUST be something in it for you - if it wasn?t it wouldn?t be there...

Dearest Turtle,

OMGoodness!!!! I am amazed at your reply girl! Yes, I had been thinking of that myself and was making the choice to see it that way. It is what it is and let it be going on with my day. No more trying to figure things out...when in a situation, I know I have a choice to make - I will make the choice that is best for me at that time and enjoy the moments. That truly is all that I can do to keep my peace within. I do still feel that it is time for me to move on and I emotionally have so the transistion will be easier. I LOVE rollercoaster rides and wouldn't have life be any other way for me. Thanks for your awesome insights my friend!

I have this incredible LEO gent that has entered my life and it is just........just so easy to be with him. All the lessons that I have learned in the previous situation will help in this one....next! 😉

Freebird,
as I said before am not good at relationship advice but have found that playing the devils advocat tends to be useful (that is if nobody gets offended - that has happened to me once or twice...)
Thank you for not misunderstanding.
Good luck with your leo, leos are good company for aries and I?d guess it?s a perfect medicine against your aqua- troubles.
Maybe there is an aries&leo season on, because
I?m also involved with a leo this summer, a nice guy and good company but 10 yrs my junior so both enjoy being together, not expecting too much so avoid the potential emotional seesaw.
Besides, I need to relearn the game after a long absence...

Dear freebird...!!

Why o why you doing this to yourself?.??

Reminding you that you are a bird, that enjoying to fly around to celebrating the freedom, you are NOT a hunting bird?. You are a FREEBIRD.. Keep it that way lady..!! Be aware of traps when you fly around..!!

Do not forget those hunters from the past and do not forgive their vicious plans/tactics,1 second of your freedom with yourself in the open is worth 1000,000 times than the captivity in golden cage with the others?!!
Take care
🙂

My dear Freebird, things are never as bad as we think. If you have hit the bottom do not blame anybody else, it?s just your moment of "down". And it?s just passing anyway, tomorrow is another day (Scarlett!)
We are intitled to feel down now and then, the downtime is meant to be a temporary rest for soul and body.
Cheer up, the sun will shine on you tomorrow!
Want to bet—

Hi "Q" and Turtle...thanks for your kind words and support...you are greatly appreciated a million times over!

Q - You are so correct, I am NOT a hunting bird but a FREEBIRD and that I shall be! Hope this doesn't sound weird but, it all of a sudden hit me in such a clear way and I am finally able to move past this relationship. Truly, we must change our thoughts in order to change our world and that I have done, thanks to you both. I realized in his own way, he does care about me but I was for him a person to go to when he was down and needed comfort instead of a true friend...perhaps I am a slow learner or just didn't see the signs or was not ready to see them. I see them now very clearly and I feel a peace that I have not felt in a long time....a centeredness within. He is who he is at this point in time...I can love him from a distance but not in a relationship. I am truly FREE now. Whew, I made it through that adventure and what an adventure it was!!! I will keep my eyes open for "traps" out there now that I am aware. I really am not in a relationship mode, I do prefer my freedom and it feels so good to me.

Turtle,

You are also correct, things are not as bad as they appear to be...when we hit the bottom, the truth appears through the light. I needed to be in that place to grow and grow I did my friend. Life does pass through us...we are the force of life. I am all cheered up and the sun was the brightest I have seen in a long time....you won the bet~ you smart woman YOU 🙂

Thanks again to you both for sharing what you know with me.

Freebird - freeing it!

Healing and Growth

The world that you look out on ? and so often see turned upside down ? that world is within you. That person who you don?t like running into, that strained relationship in any unwanted moment, is not outside of you. The reason that you can?t get along with other people has nothing to do with the other people. Sure, they?re rude. Sure, they?re cruel, spiritually asleep, aggressive, all those things ? but so are you. Your feelings about the world you see, with all of its confusing colors and schemes, are all reflections of your own internal life. You meet and see only yourself wherever you go. Nothing else. And that?s such an important lesson.

- Guy Finley

Phew - was I glad to see your post - when the freebird is down we?re all in deep x
Amazing how we create karma for ourselves so that we may learn
Love and hugs

I'm glad you are felling better. I'm glad. Such relationships are dangerous for both people typicall you the recepent of this miscommunication system.


James the13th