Is the woman who wrote this bitter?

"Arrogant. Pompous. Vain. Cruel. Verbose. Show-off. I've been called all of these. Of course, I am." --Howard Cosell (March 25)

Passionate, idealistic, and sentimental, the Aries man is part hero, part child, no matter what his age. He's as friendly as a puppy, downright fearless, and rather like one of those weighted clowns that children punch. You can knock him down, but he will always bounce back. And, for as long as he loves you, he will be faithful, sexy, and attentive. If you feel weak in the knees, make sure there's a sofa handy to fall on, because by the time you've swooned, this Romeo will have moved on to his next conquest. Aries men are in love with love. The appeal is in the art of romance and the thrill of the chase, not your charming smile.

Some astrologers compare an Aries man to a knight in shining armor. However, you are just as likely to get run down by his charging steed as scooped up in a pair of loving arms. Sir Lancelot may have been bold and honest, but he was also a royal pain in the butt, all Aries traits. His ego ruined a kingdom when, in his eagerness to run his hand up Guinevere's dress, he conveniently forgot his vow to King Arthur. In Lance's point of view he was a hero, and to an Aries man, his point of view is the only one that counts. The Ram fears mediocrity more than death. He would rather be the biggest jerk in town than just another anonymous working slob. He is subjective, bossy, and has a caustic wit he flings with careless abandon. He takes pride in being more self-centered than Scorpio and more obtuse than Taurus. He's sure he's right. Especially when he is wrong.

Male Rams come in two types. Bold, brash, and ready for action or shy, quiet, and ready for action. Don't be fooled by the shy type. He may come on all "Aw shucks" and toe shuffles, like Aries Dennis Quaid, but under that poker face, or enigmatic smile, his brain synapses are firing at 1,000 per minute, concentrating on the best way to get you into his bed in the shortest possible time.

On the door of the original Playboy Mansion in Chicago was a brass plate with the inscription Si Non Oscillas, Noli Tintinnare--If you don't swing, don't ring. Aries Hugh Hefner, the flip, hip, big daddy of hedonism, is still alive and well, and still the quintessential bad boy at 76.

Remember all of this before you buy your wedding dress. After the ceremony, he will expect you to worship the ground he makes you crawl on while he declares his need for freedom. He will require you to have the house sparkling, the grass mowed, and the cars washed, all before he gets home from his latest adventure. He'll leave a trail of dirty clothes from the front door to the shower, while shouting his dinner order over his shoulder. When he appears at the table, he'll expect you to have a gourmet's delight in one hand and his favorite cold drink in the other. And, you'd better look like you just stepped out of the pages of Vogue. This man chases the ideal. He doesn't want a real woman, with real needs. He wants the adoration of Mommy and the ethereal qualities of a fairy princess, all wrapped up in the figure of a Playboy centerfold. He thinks he is indestructible, but he's extremely accident-prone and seldom gets through life without a few broken bones, several concussions, and a couple of totaled cars. He is restless, fidgety, and has frequent head aches.