Ladies is it wise?

To date a man when your in your late twenties almost thirty who isnt established or on his way to being established? And what i mean by established is, own apt , own income, and maybe a car depending on the state in question? those are just the necessities mind you.


Would you? and seriously think about building a family with this man?

I was having a convo with some dear friends of mine about this today and I would like to hear some more opinions.

Id ask him one simple question "what were you doing for the last 10 years; jail is an acceptable answer"

I believe that when a man presents himself to a woman, he has to present himself as the best man for her. If he cant, he should step.
arent you presenting with all your ducks in a row?

If he doesnt even have a pot to piss in, im good.

Probably not unless this person had some damn good reasons for not doing so.

I think that unexceptable; unless he got fired or laid off and is working on looking for a new job.

But if he hasn't had a job; isn't even working on actually getting in his feet and getting his own; then no I wouldn't date it.

It makes me question, what is he doing and how has he survived so long? Cause only illegal stuff comes to mind and that's a big fat no!

I understand going to school; having a part time, that's different. But doing nothing, at all, no. No dice.

Damn typos wtf!

I apologies, I'm on my phone and it auto corrects my sentences.

On his feet*

I wouldn't date him*

and men would you pursue a relationship if your shit isnt together at least half way?

Posted by theHitchHiker
See this is why i need details! Like if he's living with mom and doesn't have a car but has the newest video game systems than NO.

But if he's like working part time or just going to school on scholarship or something and i made enough to support both of us then yeah. As long as he's doing something there's nothing wrong with the girl being the bread winner.

site the age in my original post

im talking about men hear not lil boys...almost thirty or 30 and up...like 27-35 year old men

Posted by bkbella86
and men would you pursue a relationship if your shit isnt together at least half way?

An honorable men would say no. The broke ones with no honor and who havent been taught how to be a man would say "take me as I am, all you woman talk about how you want a good man, but you don't wanna help him build. All you wanna talk about is a mans pockets."

No, but I'm a gold digger.... so, there's that.

Posted by Sagittarius2315

It makes me question, what is he doing and how has he survived so long?

o.k.

Posted by theHitchHiker

Posted by bkbella86

Posted by theHitchHiker
See this is why i need details! Like if he's living with mom and doesn't have a car but has the newest video game systems than NO.

But if he's like working part time or just going to school on scholarship or something and i made enough to support both of us then yeah. As long as he's doing something there's nothing wrong with the girl being the bread winner.

site the age in my original post

im talking about men hear not lil boys...almost thirty or 30 and up...like 27-35 year old men

Hey! Thirty year olds can be working part time and be in school. Maybe he started one career and didn't find it to his liking and since I'm assuming he doesn't have a family to support why couldn't he go back to school?

Also, what if he's had a lot of different jobs. Like maybe spent five years here and ten years there.

And if you think there aren't thirty year old man children living with their mom's addicted to xbox you're sadly mistaken.

click to expand

in 10 years he hasnt managed to have a roof over his head? Even with multiple jobs and career choices?

Posted by theHitchHiker
See this is why i need details! Like if he's living with mom and doesn't have a car but has the newest video game systems than NO.

But if he's like working part time or just going to school on scholarship or something and i made enough to support both of us then yeah. As long as he's doing something there's nothing wrong with the girl being the bread winner.

I agree; if he's a straight up bum, then that's different. When I say this I mean, no job, doesn't go to school, lives with mom, ask mom for money whenever he wants something, stays at home playing video games, can't afford to put gas in moms car or buy himself a bottle of water, then no.

But if he's going to school, loves with mom, but helps her out cause he gets returns from his tuition money, or works part time, has a point a to point be car, then okay I don't mind. At some point either you or him will be the major bread winner: but if he's getting his stuff together then yes. And I never object to someone getting a degree, that to me is important, so if that's what he's doing then I'll support him a 100% percent.

And no , no claims of "Being a up and coming rapper." Isn't acceptable either; you still need a job, not for me, but for yourself , for your own necessities.

Posted by DMV

Posted by Sagittarius2315

It makes me question, what is he doing and how has he survived so long?

o.k.

click to expand

Without a job....lol. On his own after he turned 18 years old. That's what I meant. Financially, after the age of 18, not even cause lets just say he was attending school still, after he left the nest( if in fact he has) financially how has he survived? Where does his money come from if he's not working?

This is what I'd be asking myself, specifically.

Posted by bkbella86
To date a man when your in your late twenties almost thirty who isnt established or on his way to being established? And what i mean by established is, own apt , own income, and maybe a car depending on the state in question? those are just the necessities mind you.


Would you? and seriously think about building a family with this man?

Absolutely not.

Because this: "who isnt established or on his way to being established"

It says that he has no intention of doing anything-- yikes. o.O

my friends disagree with me greatly and think that love is all you need. One of my gf has been with a dude for over 5 years and in that time he has made zero progress or moves to better his life. the whole relationship is one big struggle mind you she wasnt even raised struggling.

She said that when a women only dates men who are financially sound she is a goldigger...I told her that isnt true. why would a financially sound women date a broke man tho?

I will even b nice and give him till 23. When most graduate from college.

My thing is, my man is my king, the leader, the captain of our ship. How can I expect him to manage US whenn he cant even take of himself independently.

asking for trouble. Like djbuck said RUN

Posted by GemsRaGalsBestPal
No, but I'm a gold digger.... so, there's that.

lmao what is a gold digger? thats a whole other thread tho

Posted by PotHeadVirgo24

Posted by DMV

Posted by bkbella86
and men would you pursue a relationship if your shit isnt together at least half way?

An honorable men would say no. The broke ones with no honor and who havent been taught how to be a man would say "take me as I am, all you woman talk about how you want a good man, but you don't wanna help him build. All you wanna talk about is a mans pockets."

So now his pockets means that he is "honorable"? Dead____________________

As far as I'm concerned, bitch niggas get paid too. ^_^

click to expand

werd lmao

Posted by theHitchHiker

Posted by bkbella86

Posted by theHitchHiker
See this is why i need details! Like if he's living with mom and doesn't have a car but has the newest video game systems than NO.

But if he's like working part time or just going to school on scholarship or something and i made enough to support both of us then yeah. As long as he's doing something there's nothing wrong with the girl being the bread winner.

site the age in my original post

im talking about men hear not lil boys...almost thirty or 30 and up...like 27-35 year old men

Hey! Thirty year olds can be working part time and be in school. Maybe he started one career and didn't find it to his liking and since I'm assuming he doesn't have a family to support why couldn't he go back to school?

Also, what if he's had a lot of different jobs. Like maybe spent five years here and ten years there.

And if you think there aren't thirty year old man children living with their mom's addicted to xbox you're sadly mistaken.

click to expand

understood

also site my origianl pist when I said halfway together....thats is what your describing and of course id spport my boo in that case.

Posted by Montgomery

Posted by bkbella86
To date a man when your in your late twenties almost thirty who isnt established or on his way to being established? And what i mean by established is, own apt , own income, and maybe a car depending on the state in question? those are just the necessities mind you.


Would you? and seriously think about building a family with this man?

Absolutely not.

Because this: "who isnt established or on his way to being established"

It says that he has no intention of doing anything-- yikes. o.O

click to expand

ya heaerd me

Posted by bkbella86
my friends disagree with me greatly and think that love is all you need. One of my gf has been with a dude for over 5 years and in that time he has made zero progress or moves to better his life. the whole relationship is one big struggle mind you she wasnt even raised struggling.

She said that when a women only dates men who are financially sound she is a goldigger...I told her that isnt true. why would a financially sound women date a broke man tho?

I think some women dont mind being the breadwinner because it gives them control over the man. Or so she thinks. She wont challenge herself to date a man who has his own money, it may mean that she may become vulnerable. She doesnt hold all the cards.

Posted by DMV
I will even b nice and give him till 23. When most graduate from college.

My thing is, my man is my king, the leader, the captain of our ship. How can I expect him to manage US whenn he cant even take of himself independently.

asking for trouble. Like djbuck said RUN

preach that is what I was trying to explain to these girls I also said if you dont agree ask ya moms and pops and see what they say..im not speaking some new age babble here this is how its always been.

Posted by bkbella86
my friends disagree with me greatly and think that love is all you need.

Last I checked love doesn't pay the rent, put food on the table, or provide a retirement nest egg.

Posted by PotHeadVirgo24

Posted by DMV

Posted by bkbella86
and men would you pursue a relationship if your shit isnt together at least half way?

An honorable men would say no. The broke ones with no honor and who havent been taught how to be a man would say "take me as I am, all you woman talk about how you want a good man, but you don't wanna help him build. All you wanna talk about is a mans pockets."

So now his pockets means that he is "honorable"? Dead____________________

As far as I'm concerned, bitch niggas get paid too. ^_^

click to expand

let me clarify, imo an honorable broke man will not live off of a woman, he has more pride than that. A dishonorable broke man will live off of you and have no problem doing it and give you shit about you being a golddigger; he will flip the script.

these bums will convince you to "ride or die" till the "wheels fall off literally

Well.... unless he muff dives like a champ.... then maybe.

Posted by DMV

Posted by PotHeadVirgo24

Posted by DMV

Posted by bkbella86
and men would you pursue a relationship if your shit isnt together at least half way?

An honorable men would say no. The broke ones with no honor and who havent been taught how to be a man would say "take me as I am, all you woman talk about how you want a good man, but you don't wanna help him build. All you wanna talk about is a mans pockets."

So now his pockets means that he is "honorable"? Dead____________________

As far as I'm concerned, bitch niggas get paid too. ^_^

let me clarify, imo an honorable broke man will not live off of a woman, he has more pride than that. A dishonorable broke man will live off of you and have no problem doing it and give you shit about you being a golddigger; he will flip the script.

click to expand

yesss

Posted by TMV

Posted by bkbella86
my friends disagree with me greatly and think that love is all you need.

Last I checked love doesn't pay the rent, put food on the table, or provide a retirement nest egg.

click to expand

o.k

. Sorry Mr. Landlord, I have a job but my man doesnt but im okay with that because we have love and thats all you need. Can we pay a reduced rent? Sorry, Tenant, here your eviction notice. Go tell the judge all about your love.

Posted by bkbella86

Posted by DMV
I will even b nice and give him till 23. When most graduate from college.

My thing is, my man is my king, the leader, the captain of our ship. How can I expect him to manage US whenn he cant even take of himself independently.

asking for trouble. Like djbuck said RUN

preach that is what I was trying to explain to these girls I also said if you dont agree ask ya moms and pops and see what they say..im not speaking some new age babble here this is how its always been.

click to expand

Men always yelling about how they should be treated like a king, bitch act like it then.

Posted by GemsRaGalsBestPal
Well.... unless he muff dives like a champ.... then maybe.

lmao that will have you doing all kinds of wrong shit

Posted by bkbella86
my friends disagree with me greatly and think that love is all you need....She said that when a women only dates men who are financially sound she is a goldigger...

Well, this:

Posted by bkbella86
One of my gf has been with a dude for over 5 years and in that time he has made zero progress or moves to better his life.

click to expand

is who is giving you advice, so 'nough said. Ask her again what her opinion is on the matter in another 5 years.

Posted by Arietteheart
The Libra I briefly dated had a great job, I know he had money...and yet, his ass was still living in someone's basement...sleeping on a box spring/ no bed frame, I don't even. That was a cool trick he pulled -_-

He held 2 and 3 jobs, paid for everything...took me back to his house and his bed is next to the washer and dryer.

I guess I'm saying, I'll take someone with not a lot but potential and goal oriented over someone with money who is irresponsible and no direction.

the dating world is scary

Posted by PhoenixRising

Posted by bkbella86
my friends disagree with me greatly and think that love is all you need....She said that when a women only dates men who are financially sound she is a goldigger...

Well, this:

Posted by bkbella86
One of my gf has been with a dude for over 5 years and in that time he has made zero progress or moves to better his life.

is who is giving you advice, so 'nough said. Ask her again what her opinion is on the matter in another 5 years.

click to expand

when she is over being dickmatized

Posted by DMV
...Go tell the judge all about your love.

LOL!

Posted by DMV

Posted by PhoenixRising

Posted by bkbella86
my friends disagree with me greatly and think that love is all you need....She said that when a women only dates men who are financially sound she is a goldigger...

Well, this:

Posted by bkbella86
One of my gf has been with a dude for over 5 years and in that time he has made zero progress or moves to better his life.

is who is giving you advice, so 'nough said. Ask her again what her opinion is on the matter in another 5 years.

when she is over being dickmatized

click to expand

There's a cure—!!!—

Posted by bkbella86
these bums will convince you to "ride or die" till the "wheels fall off literally

hardcore!

I blame 2 people; women who have kid after kid with no father in the picture. And I blame men who, walk out on their kids. Especially, fathers who leave sons.

their sons will never be taught how to be man, because their father wasn't one himself.

cycle continues

Posted by GemsRaGalsBestPal

Posted by DMV

Posted by PhoenixRising

Posted by bkbella86
my friends disagree with me greatly and think that love is all you need....She said that when a women only dates men who are financially sound she is a goldigger...

Well, this:

Posted by bkbella86
One of my gf has been with a dude for over 5 years and in that time he has made zero progress or moves to better his life.

is who is giving you advice, so 'nough said. Ask her again what her opinion is on the matter in another 5 years.

when she is over being dickmatized

There's a cure—!!!—

click to expand

Lol. Yes but u have to be sick n tired of being sick n tired.

Wow, 5 years is a long time to spend on anyone not doing anything with themselves. I truly can't think of any reasonable reason other than illness (either the person directly or caring for an ill person) would excuse that.

Seriously? I thought the cure for THAT was barely legal dudes?

"Ssshhhh now honey, mama doesn't like you for your brain."

Okay, two more, struggling with a mental illness or an addiction. Whatever the reason, it needs to be because you were not physically or mentally capable of doing something.

Posted by Arietteheart
The Libra I briefly dated had a great job, I know he had money...and yet, his ass was still living in someone's basement...sleeping on a box spring/ no bed frame, I don't even. That was a cool trick he pulled -_-

He held 2 and 3 jobs, paid for everything...took me back to his house and his bed is next to the washer and dryer.

I guess I'm saying, I'll take someone with not a lot but potential and goal oriented over someone with money who is irresponsible and no direction.

just because his living conditions were less than stellar that doesn't mean he lacks direction and is or irresponsible. If you say he had "jobs" then he isn't lacking direction IMO.

Posted by DMV

Posted by bkbella86

Posted by DMV
I will even b nice and give him till 23. When most graduate from college.

My thing is, my man is my king, the leader, the captain of our ship. How can I expect him to manage US whenn he cant even take of himself independently.

asking for trouble. Like djbuck said RUN

preach that is what I was trying to explain to these girls I also said if you dont agree ask ya moms and pops and see what they say..im not speaking some new age babble here this is how its always been.

Men always yelling about how they should be treated like a king, bitch act like it then.

click to expand

Lmao yes!!

Posted by DMV

Posted by bkbella86
these bums will convince you to "ride or die" till the "wheels fall off literally

hardcore!

I blame 2 people; women who have kid after kid with no father in the picture. And I blame men who, walk out on their kids. Especially, fathers who leave sons.

their sons will never be taught how to be man, because their father wasn't one himself.

cycle continues

click to expand

This! Parents have to understand the weight of their actions. They all trickle down.

Posted by Arietteheart
The Libra I briefly dated had a great job, I know he had money...and yet, his ass was still living in someone's basement...sleeping on a box spring/ no bed frame, I don't even. That was a cool trick he pulled -_-

He held 2 and 3 jobs, paid for everything...took me back to his house and his bed is next to the washer and dryer.

I guess I'm saying, I'll take someone with not a lot but potential and goal oriented over someone with money who is irresponsible and no direction.

did u have sex next to the dryer?

Posted by bkbella86

Posted by DMV

Posted by bkbella86
these bums will convince you to "ride or die" till the "wheels fall off literally

hardcore!

I blame 2 people; women who have kid after kid with no father in the picture. And I blame men who, walk out on their kids. Especially, fathers who leave sons.

their sons will never be taught how to be man, because their father wasn't one himself.

cycle continues

This! Parents have to understand the weight of their actions. They all trickle down.

click to expand

birth control is the cost of a dime bag #noexcuses

Posted by bkbella86

Posted by Arietteheart
The Libra I briefly dated had a great job, I know he had money...and yet, his ass was still living in someone's basement...sleeping on a box spring/ no bed frame, I don't even. That was a cool trick he pulled -_-

He held 2 and 3 jobs, paid for everything...took me back to his house and his bed is next to the washer and dryer.

I guess I'm saying, I'll take someone with not a lot but potential and goal oriented over someone with money who is irresponsible and no direction.

just because his living conditions were less than stellar that doesn't mean he lacks direction and is or irresponsible. If you say he had "jobs" then he isn't lacking direction IMO.

click to expand

Yeah, sure, there's all that poetry and bright eyed and bushy tailed business.... but then again nothing says lovin' like a mattress on the floor next to the cockroach droppings and the soft sweet hum of the spin cycle.

Posted by PhoenixRising
Wow, 5 years is a long time to spend on anyone not doing anything with themselves. I truly can't think of any reasonable reason other than illness (either the person directly or caring for an ill person) would excuse that.

That's what I'm saying...but my friends are ok with just having a bf...it seems. It's literally been 7 or 8 tho since they met in 05 06. On top of all their other issues this is the biggest one...she fought tooth and nail to get this bum to commit and she feels like she got a prize.

One of my friends snidely remarked you know bkbella and her standards. As if these aren't basic standards to dating.

Posted by PhoenixRising
Wow, 5 years is a long time to spend on anyone not doing anything with themselves. I truly can't think of any reasonable reason other than illness (either the person directly or caring for an ill person) would excuse that.

It really is; I have to have someone next to me that's pushing for goals? Where we motivate each other.

Amp me up when I'm trying to get a promotion; and I'll do the same. It's team work and you can't do that if one person is just a blob doing nothing.

It's not being unloving; I want success for my partner and want both of us to be successful. If one partner falls behind sooner or later, the other one is going to get tired cause they are simply dragging you down.

I read an article about woman becoming the major bread winners. And also how in some relationships, both parties decided's on who will go after their dreams and aspirations while the other works, and if it doesn't happen; then they switch. For example, I work a nine to five, while my partner pursue his writing career, if it falls through, then we switch after the given time period is up(this is a fake scenario).

In this case however, more woman are doing the nine to give while their husbands pursue a creative career, either because they both decided to do career first , then kids afterwards or if the mother has kids first; once the kids go to school, the mom falls in to pace herself.

This i have no problem with, because both are pursuing a career and if the plan fails, then the other goes on to pursue their creative career and if all fails on both sides; then fall back on plan B. Which is plan B, hopefully whatever you got your degree in_??_.

I can be the bread winner, as long as my partner in choice is making moves. I have to feel that career hustle in him and see him pursue it like he eats and breaths it. It's like having a work out partner; you both have to be on Beast Mode; if not then I rather do it solo, cause I'm doing it that way anyways of your lagging.

Makes sense?