Ladies is it wise? (Page 3)

Is it wise to commit to someone who can't bring to the table what you can? NO

Financial institutions won't even give you anything unless they are sure that they can get it back in return AND some!

You shouldn't financially or emotionally give more to someone than you can afford to NOT get back. Willingly starting a family or any long term investment with someone who doesn't have the means to keep it afloat is a foolish decision.

You can love him. Be in a standard relationship with him. But move in with him? NO. Marry him? NO. Build a house with him? NO. Start a family with him? NO. Love itself doesn't keep all of those things afloat. Money & the ability to manage it will though.

Posted by krysrenee7

Posted by bkbella86
To date a man when your in your late twenties almost thirty who isnt established or on his way to being established? And what i mean by established is, own apt , own income, and maybe a car depending on the state in question? those are just the necessities mind you.


Would you? and seriously think about building a family with this man?

Building a family is about more than love & how you feel about that person. Love doesn't pay the bills. Building a family requires money, a decent or good credit score & the discipline to many money so that your family structure doesn't fall apart.

If a man doesn't have a $ 1 in his pocket, there is no way he should even be considering signing up for a long term investment. That's like expecting a man who has no income to be a great father to a newborn in a financial way. He can't give what he doesn't have.

Should the entire worth of a person be measured by how much money they have or whether or not they have a job? Well of course not. You're not a bad person or partner just b/c you don't have money or aren't established. Plenty of people have money but mismanage it, thus ending up just like the folks who never were established to begin with.

AMBITION is what matters. Some people have great jobs but have no ambition. Some people who are unemployed have more ambition & a drive to succeed than those who have everything. If you can tell that your man has ambition (and there are ways to tell other than his job or lack thereof), & the ability to manage the money he DOES have ( $ 1 or $ 1,000), that's what matters most

Don't measure a man's financial abilities by how much he HAS. Focus more on how he MANAGES what he has. That will tell you so much more. If a person can maintain, keep organized & keep afloat the things he has, that's def. worth committing to more than someone who has a million things but can't ever keep or manage them

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i agree

Posted by krysrenee7
Is it wise to commit to someone who can't bring to the table what you can? NO

Financial institutions won't even give you anything unless they are sure that they can get it back in return AND some!

You shouldn't financially or emotionally give more to someone than you can afford to NOT get back. Willingly starting a family or any long term investment with someone who doesn't have the means to keep it afloat is a foolish decision.

You can love him. Be in a standard relationship with him. But move in with him? NO. Marry him? NO. Build a house with him? NO. Start a family with him? NO. Love itself doesn't keep all of those things afloat. Money & the ability to manage it will though.

yes yes yes

Posted by krysrenee7

You can love him. Be in a standard relationship with him. But move in with him? NO. Marry him? NO. Build a house with him? NO. Start a family with him? NO.

Geez, who's wasting whose time now? R u saying "fuck him, but dont fuck with him" lol. What exactly is a standard relationship?

Like if you know a dude is NOT the one you wanna marry, own a houee with, or have kids with, why waste his time and yours?

Posted by DMV
Like if you know a dude is NOT the one you wanna marry, own a houee with, or have kids with, why waste his time and yours?

seriously who has that time to waste. P angel referenced this in her othe thread. If he isnt your type then why go for it just because dude wants to?

or because he gave a tiny bit of attention?

Posted by hydorah
ladies, what about you establish your own ass, this is the 21st century

Oh yeah—? Uh huh, ok....

To add another dynamic to this conversation, I am successful. I'm financially independent and have what some would consider a prestigious career.

I travel through the U.S.and Canada and speak at conventions, go on-site to oil and gas refineries and deal with complex products that require specialized education and knowledge. To make matters worse, right now I'm at the top of my game.... and I'm in a man's world and there are absolutely no other women who do what I do. Did I mention, I'm only 30?

When a dude is chatting me up or I'm on a date and inevitably the "So, what do you do?" comes up.... I swear to fucking God I want to say I'm a waitress or a fight attendant.

Even if I'm humble when I'm telling them, even if I play it off like no big deal most men go limp faster than a dude after a whiskey binge.

And this is all types... a successful well educated man? He sees it as competition. A guy with a less noteworthy job? He's so fucking intimidated he starts stammering and I can see the thought in his head.... "get the check, leave now."

It's. Fucking. Bullshit.

I wouldn't.

Granted no one knows where they will be in life really

Posted by hydorah
ladies, what about you establish your own ass, this is the 21st century

I'm old fashioned. I want a man that is the provider and I'm the housewife. He takes care of his woman and she takes care of the house and kids. It's a good balance. My life isn't like this though. It always seems to be the other way around.

How do men feel about women making a better income then them?

I'm making a substantially higher income then the Virgo guy I'm dating. I don't worry about money. I save and am careful but I also enjoy it. If I want something or need it, I buy it. If i want to go on a weekend trip, i go. I have a great job and I've made good investments. It's a luxury.

The Virgo is in the process of bettering himself. He works full time and goes to school full time. I see his potential but it will be a few years before he's accomplished anything. He's very independent, lives alone, takes care of all his own needs. But he's struggling. I honestly don't think he should be trying to date while in this growth period of his life. Dating can be expensive.

I don't mind paying for the date, some of the time, but he doesn't like when I offer. He wants to pay. I don't want him worrying if we go to a nice restaurant about how much everything is or go into debt trying to pay the bill but at the same time I don't want to always go for .50 tacos and rent a redbox. It seems difficult to find a balance.

Posted by bkbella86
or because he gave a tiny bit of attention?

yes!

Posted by GemsRaGalsBestPal

Posted by hydorah
ladies, what about you establish your own ass, this is the 21st century

Oh yeah—? Uh huh, ok....

To add another dynamic to this conversation, I am successful. I'm financially independent and have what some would consider a prestigious career.

I travel through the U.S.and Canada and speak at conventions, go on-site to oil and gas refineries and deal with complex products that require specialized education and knowledge. To make matters worse, right now I'm at the top of my game.... and I'm in a man's world and there are absolutely no other women who do what I do. Did I mention, I'm only 30?

When a dude is chatting me up or I'm on a date and inevitably the "So, what do you do?" comes up.... I swear to fucking God I want to say I'm a waitress or a fight attendant.

Even if I'm humble when I'm telling them, even if I play it off like no big deal most men go limp faster than a dude after a whiskey binge.

And this is all types... a successful well educated man? He sees it as competition. A guy with a less noteworthy job? He's so fucking intimidated he starts stammering and I can see the thought in his head.... "get the check, leave now."

It's. Fucking. Bullshit.

click to expand

it is bullshit that u have to dumb yourself down to be make a mans ego feel better.

Maybe we need to all be a bit more ratechet to make men feel better.

Posted by Taurusgirl3

Posted by hydorah
ladies, what about you establish your own ass, this is the 21st century

I'm old fashioned. I want a man that is the provider and I'm the housewife. He takes care of his woman and she takes care of the house and kids. It's a good balance. My life isn't like this though. It always seems to be the other way around.

How do men feel about women making a better income then them?

I'm making a substantially higher income then the Virgo guy I'm dating. I don't worry about money. I save and am careful but I also enjoy it. If I want something or need it, I buy it. If i want to go on a weekend trip, i go. I have a great job and I've made good investments. It's a luxury.

The Virgo is in the process of bettering himself. He works full time and goes to school full time. I see his potential but it will be a few years before he's accomplished anything. He's very independent, lives alone, takes care of all his own needs. But he's struggling. I honestly don't think he should be trying to date while in this growth period of his life. Dating can be expensive.

I don't mind paying for the date, some of the time, but he doesn't like when I offer. He wants to pay. I don't want him worrying if we go to a nice restaurant about how much everything is or go into debt trying to pay the bill but at the same time I don't want to always go for .50 tacos and rent a redbox. It seems difficult to find a balance.

click to expand

I been in your shoes and I had it rough for 3 years with an unemployed leo with tons of ambition but no drive. I barely made enough to support the both of us. He would guilt trip me everytime I wanted to spend my money on me. Im talking bout getting a glass of wine at a bar. He was scared someone would steal his money ticket away. I finally left that dishonorable man and never looked back. He still callin.

Posted by bkbella86

Posted by DMV
Like if you know a dude is NOT the one you wanna marry, own a houee with, or have kids with, why waste his time and yours?

seriously who has that time to waste. P angel referenced this in her othe thread. If he isnt your type then why go for it just because dude wants to?

click to expand

+100

Maybe they dont want to be alone? Not excusing for them, but alot of people dont wanna be alone.

Posted by DMV

Posted by krysrenee7

You can love him. Be in a standard relationship with him. But move in with him? NO. Marry him? NO. Build a house with him? NO. Start a family with him? NO.

Geez, who's wasting whose time now? R u saying "fuck him, but dont fuck with him" lol. What exactly is a standard relationship?

click to expand

I meant standard relationship as in "not married." There is a difference b/w a relationship & marriage, ya know?! 1 being where 2 people are in love yes, but just seeing each other exclusively to see if the foundation/love is strong enough to make it to the next step. Marriage being the final step where 2 people merge everything they have together, which can be a mess if 1 or both people didn't have their shxt together before the wedding.

I get that some people shack up before the marriage, but I was just talking about the general standard relationship that doesn't involve 2 people merging their finances & entire lives together. Huge difference

Plus the guys who have that old skool belief that his entire identity as a man revolves around his ability to provide for himself, his family & his partner, can sometimes resent their woman if she's the breadwinner or the 1 holding everything together. It can mess with a man's ego. He can become jealous & controlling of HER money all b/c having some sense of entitlement or say-so makes him feel less like the wimp he secretly believes he is lol

I was in a relationship once with a guy who was unemployed a long time ago. I was making good dough but he always had a F'ing attitude when MY payday came around. I'm like wtf don't be mad at me b/c YOU're too f'ing lazy to get out there, get a job & make your own F'ing money! Ugh that man had testosterone & ego problems!..Problems that amazingly calmed down a whole lot the minute he finally started making his own money again

Moral of the story: Women aren't the only ones who get frustrated in these types of situations. Men become frustrated with themselves sometimes & take it out on her

Posted by krysrenee7

Posted by DMV

Posted by krysrenee7

You can love him. Be in a standard relationship with him. But move in with him? NO. Marry him? NO. Build a house with him? NO. Start a family with him? NO.

Geez, who's wasting whose time now? R u saying "fuck him, but dont fuck with him" lol. What exactly is a standard relationship?

I meant standard relationship as in "not married." There is a difference b/w a relationship & marriage, ya know?! 1 being where 2 people are in love yes, but just seeing each other exclusively to see if the foundation/love is strong enough to make it to the next step. Marriage being the final step where 2 people merge everything they have together, which can be a mess if 1 or both people didn't have their shxt together before the wedding.

I get that some people shack up before the marriage, but I was just talking about the general standard relationship that doesn't involve 2 people merging their finances & entire lives together. Huge difference

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I still dont get why you would get into a relationship with someone you dont see a future with. I mean I get the relationships in high school and ,maybe college but after that, why even waste the good years of your life with someone who u know u dont want a future with when u could be with someone who can see a future with. Even if the 2nd person doesnt exist, arent u just wasting your time and using the other person. If u do decide to take that route, id have go call you codependent.

I had a friend like that who was in a relationship with someone she didnt see a future with and she was too chickenshit to breakup and omg be alone.

irony...the other thread title "single people at xmas"
and here, talks about don't be w/ someone who you dont feel anything for, and for lonliness cause it's chickenshit to do so.
santa claus will come in the form of someone sexxyyyy down the chimney and you'll feel something "tingly" for them.

santa baby... just slip a ___ under the tree for me.

I'm old fashioned. I want a man that is the provider and I'm the housewife. He takes care of his woman and she takes care of the house and kids. It's a good balance. My life isn't like this though. It always seems to be the other way around.




I want that too sort of. I just don't how realistic it is these days. But I get it. It makes sense in theory.

@DMV: Circumstances do AND can change. You shouldn't measure the entire worth of a person based on whether or not they have a job. You shouldn't base whether or not you like someone on whether or not they have a job or by the job they do have.

If you meet a man tomorrow who is unemployed or laid off, it'd be wrong to automatically assume that he's not a good person or a potential mate in the future. Don't make automatic assumptions about anyone. It's just as wrong to assume that all homeless people must be lazy. You just never know.

Some of the most hard-working, ambitious & "provider" types of men have been unemployed, laid off or fired at some point in their lives. Steve Jobs was unemployed for 2 years once. Any woman meeting him would've been a fool to not notice his ambition!

A new guy you meet could've just been laid off a week ago or he could be 2 days from getting a new job, but b/c of the timing of when he met you, you'd be wrong to automatically assume that no job = no potential.

There are plenty of people with degrees or lots of employment experience who have fallen on hard times or have trouble finding a job. Just b/c you have fallen on hard times, especially if the circumstances were out of your control, doesn't mean that you should automatically be disqualified from being commitment material.

I agree that you shouldn't be with someone you can't see yourself with. My point though is that you can really miss out if you're only basis for measuring someone's potential is on whether or not they are currently employed. Circumstances change. You may not wanna take the risk of waiting to find out. Cool. But you can really miss out by prejudging before you find out the circumstances behind why he's unemployed

I get it. Don't necessarily marry someone until they can prove that they have their shxt together, BUT it's not like being in a regular relationship with them is gonna harm you or cause you to waste your time. It's not like people go from "Hi, I'm Bella" to "Let's get married" the next day.

You could just as easily meet a man who has it all & who appears to be the "provider" type but yet later on in the relationship get fired, get laid off or lose it all. Then what? Are you just gonna leave him b/c he's not 100% of the time in his life up to par financially?!

I think it's funny that some women are so focused on what a man has that she forgets that she too better bring some financial security to the table. A man is more than an ATM card. At any given time, he could get injured on the job, get disabled, get sick, get in a car accident or pass away & then what?! The woman will be stuck looking stupid b/c she spent her entire life wanting to survive off of the dollar bills of a man when she could have AND should have been racking in her own.

Men like to know that if something happens to them that the lady can hold down the fort too, ya know

@kyrsenee7, its not only that I wouldnt date a man who doesnt have a pot to piss in, but he shouldn't be wanting to date me. If he really likes me, he should present himself as the best man he can be. Am i not presenting the best woman that i can be? And no man, no matter how much ambition he has is not the best he can be if he does not have a pot to piss in. Im sure hes a wonderful man with great morals who loves his mama, but he needs to concentrate on him. I dont think this is a question of pre judging him.

The real question is why would he want to place an unnecessary financial and soon to be emotional burden on a woman who he likes.

why would he knowingly want to do that?

Posted by krysrenee7


You could just as easily meet a man who has it all & who appears to be the "provider" type but yet later on in the relationship get fired, get laid off or lose it all. Then what? Are you just gonna leave him b/c he's not 100% of the time in his life up to par financially?!

I hear ya. Id give him 6 months to a year with tangible signs of drive. His full time job should be finding a job. After that, the honorable man that he is shouldnt even wait for me to say something. He should excuse himself.

if hes my hubby, im down 4 life, and I will be on him like white on rice.

financial problems lead to emotional problems which leads to less sex.

Posted by GemsRaGalsBestPal

Posted by hydorah
ladies, what about you establish your own ass, this is the 21st century

Oh yeah—? Uh huh, ok....

To add another dynamic to this conversation, I am successful. I'm financially independent and have what some would consider a prestigious career.

I travel through the U.S.and Canada and speak at conventions, go on-site to oil and gas refineries and deal with complex products that require specialized education and knowledge. To make matters worse, right now I'm at the top of my game.... and I'm in a man's world and there are absolutely no other women who do what I do. Did I mention, I'm only 30?

When a dude is chatting me up or I'm on a date and inevitably the "So, what do you do?" comes up.... I swear to fucking God I want to say I'm a waitress or a fight attendant.

Even if I'm humble when I'm telling them, even if I play it off like no big deal most men go limp faster than a dude after a whiskey binge.

And this is all types... a successful well educated man? He sees it as competition. A guy with a less noteworthy job? He's so fucking intimidated he starts stammering and I can see the thought in his head.... "get the check, leave now."

It's. Fucking. Bullshit.

click to expand

Nice any promotions :p ?

Posted by thescepter
JUST DATE YOUNGER WOMEN LULZ!

Yes you got it 😄

Posted by Sag89

I'm old fashioned. I want a man that is the provider and I'm the housewife. He takes care of his woman and she takes care of the house and kids. It's a good balance. My life isn't like this though. It always seems to be the other way around.




I want that too sort of. I just don't how realistic it is these days. But I get it. It makes sense in theory.



You sounded just like my sister. She's very happy now w/ her life.

Posted by lisabethur8

Posted by Sag89

I'm old fashioned. I want a man that is the provider and I'm the housewife. He takes care of his woman and she takes care of the house and kids. It's a good balance. My life isn't like this though. It always seems to be the other way around.

I want that too sort of. I just don't how realistic it is these days. But I get it. It makes sense in theory.



You sounded just like my sister. She's very happy now w/ her life.



me?

Posted by thescepter

Posted by LoveSeeker

Posted by thescepter
JUST DATE YOUNGER WOMEN LULZ!

Yes you got it 😄

" It'd be alot cooler if you did "