Need Advice- Work Related

It’s nice to be able to post again. Now onto the post.

Situation-

I never put too much of my personal life out there, but I’m in need of advice, guidance, or talking some sense into me maybe? I don’t even know.

So, I was very impulsive and moved out of state a couple of years ago. My boss was upset that I had “left everyone hanging”, but the truth was, I didn’t have WiFi set up yet so I wasn’t purposely trying to cause issues for anyone.

Anyways, I missed my job and home right after I moved. So, I reached out to my boss and asked to come back. I was able to come back under conditions and I had to build trust again. So, I also moved back. This was all within less than 3 months. I wanted to prove myself to my boss again.

Long story short, I’ve been back for two years almost, and I’ve proven myself 10 fold. Unfortunately, things have not been the same since I left. I felt a comfortable and personable semi friendship with my boss before I left, now it’s totally different and not only do we not talk at all unless it’s urgent for a client, but he ignores the majority of my messages, even important ones.

I now feel completely awkward and uncomfortable, and the passion I had for my job at first, is gone. It took me a long time because I was apprehensive, but I wrote an email to my boss and told them that things have been different since I left, and I think he’s still upset with me. I asked if we could start over and with a clean slate. That was in October, I did not hear a word back. So, I’m even more uncomfortable and feel awkward. I can not work somewhere without feeling like I can at least joke around a bit with my boss and feel comfortable to be myself. However, I still feel a level of loyalty and I don’t want to just walk away. Also, of course the money helps to pay bills.

We were a good team before, and I was also hoping to discuss how I could bring more business in to help, as we had been discussing that before I left too. I felt like the company was my second home and I have always been close to the clients. I miss all of that, as now it’s like walking into a cold room with bad energy.

Any constructive criticism or advice?

Thanks guys and gals, this has been an ongoing fucking nightmare and I guess I just needed to vent too.

How do you know your boss has received your emails?

Why are you using email, anyway? Why not a face-to-face meeting....?

Posted by Mesquite

At some point it doesn't matter how much you get paid, there is something called job satisfaction.

In a way, you just went through an acrimonious divorce, it'll never be the same again unless the other party is willing to forgive. Nowhere in your post, do you reference reconciliation.

In a way, they see you as a cheating spouse and I'll never be able to trust you 100% fully again. And it does not matter one bit apparently, how much effort you put it back into the relationship.

Thank you so much, Mesquite. I totally see what you’re saying, and I couldn’t agree with you more.

I wasn’t sure if my posts were even showing, so I really appreciate your response.

I agree with @Mesquite that this is where things started and apparently they are not forgive, forget and start over people even though you are 100% invested. Not sure that will ever change. So … I would now treat them how they treat you. Like a job, not an adventure. Meanwhile look for something more fulfilling - perhaps a competitor in the same field in order for you to invest your ideas.

Posted by xoxflute

Well, I think you may have to explain why you left and how it will not happen again, because I think that’s management’s worst nightmare, to spend all that time and money on training an employee, only for the employee to quit.

Thank you Xo.

I didn’t quit. We had agreed I would work remotely when I moved. But, when I went out there for a few days to look at places, I couldn’t get phone reception until we were at hotels, even there was spotty. It was a very rural place. He knew I wouldn’t have reception while I was out there.

Posted by notreally

I agree with @Mesquite that this is where things started and apparently they are not forgive, forget and start over people even though you are 100% invested. Not sure that will ever change. So … I would now treat them how they treat you. Like a job, not an adventure. Meanwhile look for something more fulfilling - perhaps a competitor in the same field in order for you to invest your ideas.

Yeah, I think you both are 100% right. I do feel that it’s time to move on, that email I sent was my last attempt to fix things.

I don’t need an adventure (although that would be amazing), but I would at least like reciprocation in correspondence, especially when it’s something only he can do for the client. It makes me look like a twat that doesn’t know what they’re doing, because my hands are tied without a response from him.

Hostile work environment. I’d be outta there with as many clients as I could take with me.

I am on the flip side of the coin. Had a drafter who interned with me for 2 summers and then I hired him. His gf lives in south oc and for this reason when he got a call back from a company he had interviewed with out that way he decided to take the job so that he can move their relationship forward/move in together.

Things ended amicably and I kept him as an outside contact, sending him a few projects per month to knock out.

Anyways fast forward a few months and he contacts me out of the blue wondering if he can come back. After letting him sweat it out a bit 😂 I brought him back on. He started this week. No hard feelings on my end. Actually relieved I don't need to go through the whole interview/training/hand holding process again.

And yes, you guessed it, they broke up. And he said the other job was making him miserable as well.

@emeraldgem

Thank you Emerald,

We’ve always corresponded through email about everything, but I was hoping to meet for a face to face meeting. I know though, that there was a big chance he’d ignore my email. So, asking to meet in person to discuss it, would have gone ignored too. I was trying the first step. I even said that I would like to have a chance to explain why I left, but for right now I just wanted to see if things could be repaired.

The exit plan has been in the back of my mind for two years due to my hopefulness, of things changing and I could actually look forward to my job again. I felt such a sense of guilt, but in truth I went through a lot to pack up again and move back to my home state. Again, I was gone for less than 3 months, and a bit more than a month of being away from the job itself. I went through hoops to make everything up. So, I’ve finally forgiven myself now, and don’t feel an obligation of loyalty anymore. So, I need to bring that exit plan back into action.

You are very lucky to have that type of relationship with your boss, treasure it. I had that, but I will now miss it like losing a good friend.

Thank you for taking the time to respond, and with such thoroughness. 🙂

Posted by xoxflute

Posted by NostalgicCappyy

Posted by xoxflute

Well, I think you may have to explain why you left and how it will not happen again, because I think that’s management’s worst nightmare, to spend all that time and money on training an employee, only for the employee to quit.

Thank you Xo.

I didn’t quit. We had agreed I would work remotely when I moved. But, when I went out there for a few days to look at places, I couldn’t get phone reception until we were at hotels, even there was spotty. It was a very rural place. He knew I wouldn’t have reception while I was out there.

How long between when you went quiet to when you reached out to your boss? It kind of feels like your boss got the impression that you quit unless your workplace undergo some major changes? If it’s just a few days span, then perhaps I would call and ask for an in person discussion.

click to expand

I was only gone for a few days, just looking at places. I came back, then moved the month following.

Posted by LadyNeptune

I am on the flip side of the coin. Had a drafter who interned with me for 2 summers and then I hired him. His gf lives in south oc and for this reason when he got a call back from a company he had interviewed with out that way he decided to take the job so that he can move their relationship forward/move in together.

Things ended amicably and I kept him as an outside contact, sending him a few projects per month to knock out.

Anyways fast forward a few months and he contacts me out of the blue wondering if he can come back. After letting him sweat it out a bit 😂 I brought him back on. He started this week. No hard feelings on my end. Actually relieved I don't need to go through the whole interview/training/hand holding process again.

And yes, you guessed it, they broke up. And he said the other job was making him miserable as well.

Yeah, but she’s been back for almost 2yrs. Fuck that.

Posted by hippiecrite

Hostile work environment. I’d be outta there with as many clients as I could take with me.

Hi Cheeky. 🙂

You’re funny. Cappy answer right here, love it.

Posted by LadyNeptune

I am on the flip side of the coin. Had a drafter who interned with me for 2 summers and then I hired him. His gf lives in south oc and for this reason when he got a call back from a company he had interviewed with out that way he decided to take the job so that he can move their relationship forward/move in together.

Things ended amicably and I kept him as an outside contact, sending him a few projects per month to knock out.

Anyways fast forward a few months and he contacts me out of the blue wondering if he can come back. After letting him sweat it out a bit 😂 I brought him back on. He started this week. No hard feelings on my end. Actually relieved I don't need to go through the whole interview/training/hand holding process again.

And yes, you guessed it, they broke up. And he said the other job was making him miserable as well.

That’s the way it should be. I don’t think he wants to go through all that again either, I know he doesn’t like the hiring process etc.

The thing is, I always work hard and try to make everything happen. I’d like to go above and beyond for him again, as of recently I just am tired of it. Things would take a 360 turn, and I could help him a lot. It’s sad, that it can’t be repaired.

Posted by xoxflute

Posted by NostalgicCappyy

Posted by xoxflute

Posted by NostalgicCappyy

Posted by xoxflute

Well, I think you may have to explain why you left and how it will not happen again, because I think that’s management’s worst nightmare, to spend all that time and money on training an employee, only for the employee to quit.

Thank you Xo.

I didn’t quit. We had agreed I would work remotely when I moved. But, when I went out there for a few days to look at places, I couldn’t get phone reception until we were at hotels, even there was spotty. It was a very rural place. He knew I wouldn’t have reception while I was out there.

How long between when you went quiet to when you reached out to your boss? It kind of feels like your boss got the impression that you quit unless your workplace undergo some major changes? If it’s just a few days span, then perhaps I would call and ask for an in person discussion.

I was only gone for a few days, just looking at places. I came back, then moved the month following.

Well I think what you could do is try for an in person discussion but also applying for other jobs in the meantime. Then you’ve done all you could and if other places hire you, then the loss is on your boss, imo.

click to expand

That’s true. I do need to feel like I did everything possible that I could. But, I feel stupid and embarrassed that it was ignored (Leo Moon) So, I wouldn’t know how to go about saying something about an in person meeting.

Posted by Undine

How do you know your boss has received your emails?

Why are you using email, anyway? Why not a face-to-face meeting....?

I know he’s getting them, because later I will find out from someone else that things I had asked about had been handled. I’ve also messaged him on an urgent matter on our work messenger platform. Those are received immediately, and show up.

Posted by nanorobot

I don't know why he agreed that you could come back if he wasn't going to actually forgive you. To me, this is a huge sign to move on. Life is too short

Hi Nano,

That’s what I thought too. “Why did you even bring me back?”

You're right though.

Posted by NostalgicCappyy

Posted by LadyNeptune

I am on the flip side of the coin. Had a drafter who interned with me for 2 summers and then I hired him. His gf lives in south oc and for this reason when he got a call back from a company he had interviewed with out that way he decided to take the job so that he can move their relationship forward/move in together.

Things ended amicably and I kept him as an outside contact, sending him a few projects per month to knock out.

Anyways fast forward a few months and he contacts me out of the blue wondering if he can come back. After letting him sweat it out a bit 😂 I brought him back on. He started this week. No hard feelings on my end. Actually relieved I don't need to go through the whole interview/training/hand holding process again.

And yes, you guessed it, they broke up. And he said the other job was making him miserable as well.

That’s the way it should be. I don’t think he wants to go through all that again either, I know he doesn’t like the hiring process etc.

The thing is, I always work hard and try to make everything happen. I’d like to go above and beyond for him again, as of recently I just am tired of it. Things would take a 360 turn, and I could help him a lot. It’s sad, that it can’t be repaired.

click to expand

Can you ask him for a end-of-the-year review. Good chance for him to air any grievances and for you to point out how you feel iced out. Whats the chances it has nothing to do with you and is about his personal life...? Just spit balling here.

Posted by emeraldgem

@NostalgicCappy - "That’s true. I do need to feel like I did everything possible that I could. But, I feel stupid and embarrassed that it was ignored (Leo Moon) So, I wouldn’t know how to go about saying something about an in person meeting"

Ask questions. Tell him how you feel. "I really value being here but I'm not feeling accepted." Something along those lines. I would ask questions more though. "Was it a good decision to hire me back?" "Is something not working out that I could be or should be doing?" "How can we get back to how things were?" "Is there something in particular that is an issue?"

I really like these suggestions. Especially, about asking if it was a good decision to bring me back.

Thank you kindly, Emerald. You’re a Gem 💠 (pretend that’s green, k?) 🙂

Posted by GODZ

do you have work ethic, if not just do the strict minimum.

I’m a very hard worker, GODZ. You should know that. But, lately I just feel like doing a step above minimum. I feel like it’s not worth it anymore. I still get my stuff done, I guess that’s whats important.

Posted by bumboklatt

I wouldnt have gone back or in your case, stay. I am in a similar situation except i havent gone back and even though i am tempted at times i know its for the best.

I think that if you ultimately decide to go back, you should outline things with them. Iron stuff out first, and don’t leave business unfinished. I wish I would have done that.

Posted by xoxflute

Posted by NostalgicCappyy

Posted by xoxflute

Posted by NostalgicCappyy

Posted by xoxflute

Posted by NostalgicCappyy

Posted by xoxflute

Well, I think you may have to explain why you left and how it will not happen again, because I think that’s management’s worst nightmare, to spend all that time and money on training an employee, only for the employee to quit.

Thank you Xo.

I didn’t quit. We had agreed I would work remotely when I moved. But, when I went out there for a few days to look at places, I couldn’t get phone reception until we were at hotels, even there was spotty. It was a very rural place. He knew I wouldn’t have reception while I was out there.

How long between when you went quiet to when you reached out to your boss? It kind of feels like your boss got the impression that you quit unless your workplace undergo some major changes? If it’s just a few days span, then perhaps I would call and ask for an in person discussion.

I was only gone for a few days, just looking at places. I came back, then moved the month following.

Well I think what you could do is try for an in person discussion but also applying for other jobs in the meantime. Then you’ve done all you could and if other places hire you, then the loss is on your boss, imo.

That’s true. I do need to feel like I did everything possible that I could. But, I feel stupid and embarrassed that it was ignored (Leo Moon) So, I wouldn’t know how to go about saying something about an in person meeting.

I definitely get that. But it is gonna take a bit of time before your next job, so you may have to endure the cold environment a bit longer. Hence, why not try in that span of time? By the sound of it, you might actually get another job before your boss responds.

click to expand

Good point, xo.

Since he probably won’t ever answer any correspondence. That’s the impression I get anyways.

Posted by LadyNeptune

Posted by NostalgicCappyy

Posted by LadyNeptune

I am on the flip side of the coin. Had a drafter who interned with me for 2 summers and then I hired him. His gf lives in south oc and for this reason when he got a call back from a company he had interviewed with out that way he decided to take the job so that he can move their relationship forward/move in together.

Things ended amicably and I kept him as an outside contact, sending him a few projects per month to knock out.

Anyways fast forward a few months and he contacts me out of the blue wondering if he can come back. After letting him sweat it out a bit 😂 I brought him back on. He started this week. No hard feelings on my end. Actually relieved I don't need to go through the whole interview/training/hand holding process again.

And yes, you guessed it, they broke up. And he said the other job was making him miserable as well.

That’s the way it should be. I don’t think he wants to go through all that again either, I know he doesn’t like the hiring process etc.

The thing is, I always work hard and try to make everything happen. I’d like to go above and beyond for him again, as of recently I just am tired of it. Things would take a 360 turn, and I could help him a lot. It’s sad, that it can’t be repaired.

Can you ask him for a end-of-the-year review. Good chance for him to air any grievances and for you to point out how you feel iced out. Whats the chances it has nothing to do with you and is about his personal life...? Just spit balling here.

click to expand

I could do that too. That’s also a very good idea. Thank you for that.

I doubt it’s his personal life, but I have no idea. I feel and sense coldness in most correspondence though. It’s hard not to.

Posted by GODZ

Posted by NostalgicCappyy

Posted by GODZ

do you have work ethic, if not just do the strict minimum.

I’m a very hard worker, GODZ. You should know that. But, lately I just feel like doing a step above minimum. I feel like it’s not worth it anymore. I still get my stuff done, I guess that’s whats important.

i was like this too at the beginning, but i started to think that my work is actually not a part of my life. so when my work is done im not especially proud, just want to go home early then my real life could actually start

click to expand

This is exactly what I need to do.

Enough with your lies and contradictory posts. There's more to this than you're letting on.

If you really want helpful advice, start being honest with us first.

Posted by Undine

Enough with your lies and contradictory posts. There's more to this than you're letting on.

If you really want helpful advice, start being honest with us first.

What are you talking about? Lies? Don’t ever call me a liar.

Seriously, Kick rocks

Posted by emeraldgem

@NostalgicCappyy - did you say what your boss's sign is? Did I miss it?

He’s a Gemini

That's insane! Just like you decided to come back he has let you come back so that should mean that he's equally decided to work on having you back.

Also what you did should hardly be considered betrayal when he knew you wouldn't have commuication access for a bit. I get it if it turned out worse than he expected but that's when he has just as much responsibility to communicate what went wrong and how to fix it...

not be a passive participant.. He's the fucking boss... he should be taking charge of this and finding ways to repair the situation and how you can have a seamless and productive return. Fuck him. He sounds like a pussy.

But I am curious if you guys work in the same office why not just knock on the door and ask him if he has couple minutes to talk and then use those questions Emerald posted because they're really good.

In the meantime plan out your exit strategy. Work will *ALWAYS* just be work...and coworkers will *MOSTLY* just be coworkers (of course there are special scenarios of friendships developed etc. I know it's hard not to think of your work as your 2nd home because I'm that way too.... my work is my 2nd home and I need to feel comfortable but it's always good to keep in mind that businesses/corporations/bosses will always put their own needs before yours.

Time to think of exit plan... like Cheeky said take as many clients with you as possible. I'd implement the attitude of "If you're not with me, you're against me..." lol. So if he's not working with you then he's working against your growth.

Posted by stillstillwater

That's insane! Just like you decided to come back he has let you come back so that should mean that he's equally decided to work on having you back.

Also what you did should hardly be considered betrayal when he knew you wouldn't have commuication access for a bit. I get it if it turned out worse than he expected but that's when he has just as much responsibility to communicate what went wrong and how to fix it...

not be a passive participant.. He's the fucking boss... he should be taking charge of this and finding ways to repair the situation and how you can have a seamless and productive return. Fuck him. He sounds like a pussy.

But I am curious if you guys work in the same office why not just knock on the door and ask him if he has couple minutes to talk and then use those questions Emerald posted because they're really good.

In the meantime plan out your exit strategy. Work will *ALWAYS* just be work...and coworkers will *MOSTLY* just be coworkers (of course there are special scenarios of friendships developed etc. I know it's hard not to think of your work as your 2nd home because I'm that way too.... my work is my 2nd home and I need to feel comfortable but it's always good to keep in mind that businesses/corporations/bosses will always put their own needs before yours.

Time to think of exit plan... like Cheeky said take as many clients with you as possible. I'd implement the attitude of "If you're not with me, you're against me..." lol. So if he's not working with you then he's working against your growth.

Hey Still, 🙂

Everything you said just really resonated. But, the one thing that really hit me inside, was your last sentence, “So if he's not working with you then he's working against your growth.”

You don’t know how right you are. I’ve been wanting to start my business for a long time, but I have felt that obligation to not walk away, I knew the company needed my help. I heard from my ex coworker, that the people before me were not reliable and they had bad experiences with them. I didn’t want to abandon anyone.

But now, I do feel like I’ve outgrown this job and field. I think the purpose of the job was fulfilled for the path I’m on. Now it’s time for me to follow what’s right for me. The avoidance of my email, was the further confirmation.

We work in different offices. I used to go in a couple times a week, but one day he told he was sick and we would reschedule for the following week. That was, November of 2018. So, it’s been strictly email and work instant messenger platform, since then.

Posted by emeraldgem

My boss is a Gemini also - and that makes it easy for me to work with him. I understand when he's stressed and to lay low. He understands the same for me and gives me space. We bounce ideas off of each other and I think we both appreciate that we can both speak our minds even if we disagree. He likes that I don't kiss his ass and agree with him all the time.

Anyway - Gems thrive on communication. If that drops between you, it's a problem.

That’s the way it used to be between him and I, too.

“Gems thrive on communication. If that drops between you, it's a problem.”

Exactly, that’s why I’m so uncomfortable.