What Do You Do

With someone who you thought was your friend out the blue ignores you? I feel so hurt and alone. Everything changed in October when we finally hung out and the dynamic changed. We had a bit of a tiff when I told him during the hangout he hurt my feelings and gaslit me. You guessed it, we had intimacy and I regret so much even though I had feelings for him.

I broke no contact to wish him happy holidays, made a video and didn’t care. I’m beating myself up because I don’t know how to best handle it without looking weak. Sure I can just remove him from my socials but it doesn’t make me feel better. Dealing with an avoidant is weird. If I’m such a nuisance, why does he still follow and keep tabs on me while ignoring me? Should I even send one last text as a goodbye? He is due to come back where I am in a few months

1. I don't sleep with my friends

2. I have enough dignity and self-respect to distance myself from anyone that ignores me.

3. Huh, gaslit? That's a reason for me to cut someone as a friend forever; I will never trust them, and they shouldn't trust me after that either...

4. Someone is giving me mixed signal? They aren't interested enough and/or they are trying to toy with me. That gets them blacklisted as a foe in my book.



5. You wished him happy holidays and considering contacting him again despite not hearing from him? You're a stupid, moron and your thrist is embarrassing.

He’s not “avoidant”. You changed the relationship by changing your behaviour towards him and he bailed out.

I don’t think anyone wants to deal with a “friend” (with or without benefits) suddenly behaving like a jilted lover. I wouldn’t, and I’m not avoidant!

If I were you, I would give it a rest and focus on something else. If he’s coming to your town, it’s not for you, so try not to ambush him.

Posted by Undine
He’s not “avoidant”. You changed the relationship by changing your behaviour towards him and he bailed out.

I don’t think anyone wants to deal with a “friend” (with or without benefits) suddenly behaving like a jilted lover. I wouldn’t, and I’m not avoidant!

If I were you, I would give it a rest and focus on something else. If he’s coming to your town, it’s not for you, so try not to ambush him.

How exactly did I changed the relationship? Instead of assuming, ask

1) While I had feelings, I never did anything. He came onto me and confessed he was attracted to me

2) we discussed being long distance

3) we flirted a lot and he chased me

4)if not avoidant, why avoid confrontation like an child especially to someone you knew for years that did you no wrong? I wouldve been fine but ignoring is cowardly since he was the one that started

5) His friends are friends with my bestfriend. She doesn’t want to be alone unless I’m with her

Posted by VenusDoom
With someone who you thought was your friend out the blue ignores you? I feel so hurt and alone. Everything changed in October when we finally hung out and the dynamic changed. We had a bit of a tiff when I told him during the hangout he hurt my feelings and gaslit me. You guessed it, we had intimacy and I regret so much even though I had feelings for him.

I broke no contact to wish him happy holidays, made a video and didn’t care. I’m beating myself up because I don’t know how to best handle it without looking weak. Sure I can just remove him from my socials but it doesn’t make me feel better. Dealing with an avoidant is weird. If I’m such a nuisance, why does he still follow and keep tabs on me while ignoring me? Should I even send one last text as a goodbye? He is due to come back where I am in a few months

Definitely don't send him a last text message. The problem with your situation is that you're emotionally invested whereas he's not. He probably doesn't want to deal with your emotions and the easiest way for him to deal with this is to avoid you all together.

For me, transition is the easiest when I realize that everything has a beginning and ending.

Nothing lasts forever.

Go find something else to Begin when another thing Ends

It's over, best to move on quickly.

Posted by BadderBunny
Are you the same poster who made 3 threads about a scorpio male "friend" ghosting her? If not your threads are very similar. He's a fuckboi. He got what he wanted and moved on. It sucks. You can either hold your head high and move on, or tuck your pride and keep reaching out to him for bread crumbs. What ever you decide to do is your business.

No? But wouldn’t be surprised that the situation is becoming unfortunately too common with “most” guys treating women like shit

Posted by Timone

Posted by VenusDoom
With someone who you thought was your friend out the blue ignores you? I feel so hurt and alone. Everything changed in October when we finally hung out and the dynamic changed. We had a bit of a tiff when I told him during the hangout he hurt my feelings and gaslit me. You guessed it, we had intimacy and I regret so much even though I had feelings for him.
I broke no contact to wish him happy holidays, made a video and didn’t care. I’m beating myself up because I don’t know how to best handle it without looking weak. Sure I can just remove him from my socials but it doesn’t make me feel better. Dealing with an avoidant is weird. If I’m such a nuisance, why does he still follow and keep tabs on me while ignoring me? Should I even send one last text as a goodbye? He is due to come back where I am in a few months

Definitely don't send him a last text message. The problem with your situation is that you're emotionally invested whereas he's not. He probably doesn't want to deal with your emotions and the easiest way for him to deal with this is to avoid you all together.

click to expand

Yeah! Because he told me that I can trust him and lovebombed me. If he was avoiding me, why does he still follow my socials and constantly watch me?? 😅😅😅

Posted by VenusDoom

Posted by Timone

Posted by VenusDoom
With someone who you thought was your friend out the blue ignores you? I feel so hurt and alone. Everything changed in October when we finally hung out and the dynamic changed. We had a bit of a tiff when I told him during the hangout he hurt my feelings and gaslit me. You guessed it, we had intimacy and I regret so much even though I had feelings for him.
I broke no contact to wish him happy holidays, made a video and didn’t care. I’m beating myself up because I don’t know how to best handle it without looking weak. Sure I can just remove him from my socials but it doesn’t make me feel better. Dealing with an avoidant is weird. If I’m such a nuisance, why does he still follow and keep tabs on me while ignoring me? Should I even send one last text as a goodbye? He is due to come back where I am in a few months

Definitely don't send him a last text message. The problem with your situation is that you're emotionally invested whereas he's not. He probably doesn't want to deal with your emotions and the easiest way for him to deal with this is to avoid you all together.

Yeah! Because he told me that I can trust him and lovebombed me. If he was avoiding me, why does he still follow my socials and constantly watch me?? 😅😅😅

click to expand

That was before you were intimate with him right? Whatever he did and said before was before. Things change, people change and feelings change. Listen to his actions now. He's giving you silence now. Watching your socials require nothing from him. Could be curiousity and nothing more.

Posted by VenusDoom

Posted by Timone

Posted by VenusDoom
With someone who you thought was your friend out the blue ignores you? I feel so hurt and alone. Everything changed in October when we finally hung out and the dynamic changed. We had a bit of a tiff when I told him during the hangout he hurt my feelings and gaslit me. You guessed it, we had intimacy and I regret so much even though I had feelings for him.
I broke no contact to wish him happy holidays, made a video and didn’t care. I’m beating myself up because I don’t know how to best handle it without looking weak. Sure I can just remove him from my socials but it doesn’t make me feel better. Dealing with an avoidant is weird. If I’m such a nuisance, why does he still follow and keep tabs on me while ignoring me? Should I even send one last text as a goodbye? He is due to come back where I am in a few months

Definitely don't send him a last text message. The problem with your situation is that you're emotionally invested whereas he's not. He probably doesn't want to deal with your emotions and the easiest way for him to deal with this is to avoid you all together.


click to expand

Yeah! Because he told me that I can trust him and lovebombed me. If he was avoiding me, why does he still follow my socials and constantly watch me?? 😅😅😅

click to expand

Following on socials really doesn’t mean much. I suggest you to not read too much into it.

Also why are you wanting to send him a goodbye? Are you expecting any reaction? Well, you may or may not get one but wouldn’t you beat yourself up even more if he doesn’t reply again?

I think he is manipulating you. Maybe it’s best if you unfollow him or even block him. I don’t think he’ll change. It depends how much you wanna play, but to me, it’s a waste of time and energy.

And also, my male friends told me social media following doesn’t mean a lot. I mean, even I follow guys who mean nothing to me. But since they don’t bother me, I let them be. Everyone has something good about them.

Posted by VenusDoom

Posted by Timone

Posted by VenusDoom
With someone who you thought was your friend out the blue ignores you? I feel so hurt and alone. Everything changed in October when we finally hung out and the dynamic changed. We had a bit of a tiff when I told him during the hangout he hurt my feelings and gaslit me. You guessed it, we had intimacy and I regret so much even though I had feelings for him.
I broke no contact to wish him happy holidays, made a video and didn’t care. I’m beating myself up because I don’t know how to best handle it without looking weak. Sure I can just remove him from my socials but it doesn’t make me feel better. Dealing with an avoidant is weird. If I’m such a nuisance, why does he still follow and keep tabs on me while ignoring me? Should I even send one last text as a goodbye? He is due to come back where I am in a few months

Definitely don't send him a last text message. The problem with your situation is that you're emotionally invested whereas he's not. He probably doesn't want to deal with your emotions and the easiest way for him to deal with this is to avoid you all together.


click to expand

Yeah! Because he told me that I can trust him and lovebombed me. If he was avoiding me, why does he still follow my socials and constantly watch me?? 😅😅😅

click to expand

Listen you idiot. You're the only one drooling over him, that's why you're wondering about shit that you know don't mean shit. You want him to want you and are seeking reasons to validate what you want to believe.

MOVE ON.

In a age when we are bombared and saturated with dating/relationship advice online you can still find people as stupid as this woman. Either she's a troll or she's a complete moron.

Posted by borednbeautiful
I think he is manipulating you. Maybe it’s best if you unfollow him or even block him. I don’t think he’ll change. It depends how much you wanna play, but to me, it’s a waste of time and energy.

And also, my male friends told me social media following doesn’t mean a lot. I mean, even I follow guys who mean nothing to me. But since they don’t bother me, I let them be. Everyone has something good about them.

You’re absolutely right. It’s a battle between my logic and my heart since we’ve known each other for 4 years. I’m just at a loss atm because I can’t believed he turned on me in a blink of an eye which is heartbreaking. It could be as you stated that he’s trying to manipulate / mess with me since I muted him first and he noticed which is to remind me that he’s there

There’s a difference between influencers and close friends though which I thought he was

Posted by VenusDoom

Posted by borednbeautiful
I think he is manipulating you. Maybe it’s best if you unfollow him or even block him. I don’t think he’ll change. It depends how much you wanna play, but to me, it’s a waste of time and energy.
And also, my male friends told me social media following doesn’t mean a lot. I mean, even I follow guys who mean nothing to me. But since they don’t bother me, I let them be. Everyone has something good about them.

You’re absolutely right. It’s a battle between my logic and my heart since we’ve known each other for 4 years. I’m just at a loss atm because I can’t believed he turned on me in a blink of an eye which is heartbreaking. It could be as you stated that he’s trying to manipulate / mess with me since I muted him first and he noticed which is to remind me that he’s there

There’s a difference between influencers and close friends though which I thought he was

click to expand

Yeah, who knows what possibly triggered him? What is his astro sign?

It’s tough. If you send that message, be prepared for no answer or an answer you are not hoping for. Only if you are truly ready for the truth, you can do that. But the truth shall always set you free.

I don’t think you can change people’s minds. It could be that he has met someone new. It would be nice if he could be open to you, so at least you know.

But please also look for someone else soon, just in case. The best way to get over somebody is to get under somebody new!

Posted by borednbeautiful

Posted by VenusDoom

Posted by borednbeautiful
I think he is manipulating you. Maybe it’s best if you unfollow him or even block him. I don’t think he’ll change. It depends how much you wanna play, but to me, it’s a waste of time and energy.
And also, my male friends told me social media following doesn’t mean a lot. I mean, even I follow guys who mean nothing to me. But since they don’t bother me, I let them be. Everyone has something good about them.

You’re absolutely right. It’s a battle between my logic and my heart since we’ve known each other for 4 years. I’m just at a loss atm because I can’t believed he turned on me in a blink of an eye which is heartbreaking. It could be as you stated that he’s trying to manipulate / mess with me since I muted him first and he noticed which is to remind me that he’s there
There’s a difference between influencers and close friends though which I thought he was
click to expand

Yeah, who knows what possibly triggered him? What is his astro sign?

It’s tough. If you send that message, be prepared for no answer or an answer you are not hoping for. Only if you are truly ready for the truth, you can do that. But the truth shall always set you free.

I don’t think you can change people’s minds. It could be that he has met someone new. It would be nice if he could be open to you, so at least you know.

But please also look for someone else soon, just in case. The best way to get over somebody is to get under somebody new!

click to expand

Our last encounter, he disliked me crying during our airport farewell and expected strength, despite his discomfort. Nevertheless, he still kissed me, creating a conflicting situation. Second, texting him a few days after(involving how he teased me hurt me) lead to a defensive response when I expressed how his words hurt. Despite my attempt to reconnect during the holidays, he attributed his silence to renovations. Even though I apologized for any discomfort caused by my casual flirting, something he had never taken issue with before, he chose to ignore it. As a result, our communication has stopped.

His sign is in Pisces with Virgo moon

Posted by borednbeautiful

Posted by VenusDoom

Posted by borednbeautiful
I think he is manipulating you. Maybe it’s best if you unfollow him or even block him. I don’t think he’ll change. It depends how much you wanna play, but to me, it’s a waste of time and energy.
And also, my male friends told me social media following doesn’t mean a lot. I mean, even I follow guys who mean nothing to me. But since they don’t bother me, I let them be. Everyone has something good about them.

You’re absolutely right. It’s a battle between my logic and my heart since we’ve known each other for 4 years. I’m just at a loss atm because I can’t believed he turned on me in a blink of an eye which is heartbreaking. It could be as you stated that he’s trying to manipulate / mess with me since I muted him first and he noticed which is to remind me that he’s there
There’s a difference between influencers and close friends though which I thought he was
click to expand

Yeah, who knows what possibly triggered him? What is his astro sign?

It’s tough. If you send that message, be prepared for no answer or an answer you are not hoping for. Only if you are truly ready for the truth, you can do that. But the truth shall always set you free.

I don’t think you can change people’s minds. It could be that he has met someone new. It would be nice if he could be open to you, so at least you know.

But please also look for someone else soon, just in case. The best way to get over somebody is to get under somebody new!

click to expand

If he had someone new, I’d never know since he’s a private person in general. Plus my friends think if he did have someone which cause him to ignore me, I’m an option in case something goes wrong hence he never removed me or said anything

Posted by BadderBunny

Posted by VenusDoom

Posted by borednbeautiful

Posted by VenusDoom

Posted by borednbeautiful
I think he is manipulating you. Maybe it’s best if you unfollow him or even block him. I don’t think he’ll change. It depends how much you wanna play, but to me, it’s a waste of time and energy.
And also, my male friends told me social media following doesn’t mean a lot. I mean, even I follow guys who mean nothing to me. But since they don’t bother me, I let them be. Everyone has something good about them.

You’re absolutely right. It’s a battle between my logic and my heart since we’ve known each other for 4 years. I’m just at a loss atm because I can’t believed he turned on me in a blink of an eye which is heartbreaking. It could be as you stated that he’s trying to manipulate / mess with me since I muted him first and he noticed which is to remind me that he’s there
There’s a difference between influencers and close friends though which I thought he was
click to expand

Yeah, who knows what possibly triggered him? What is his astro sign?
It’s tough. If you send that message, be prepared for no answer or an answer you are not hoping for. Only if you are truly ready for the truth, you can do that. But the truth shall always set you free.
I don’t think you can change people’s minds. It could be that he has met someone new. It would be nice if he could be open to you, so at least you know.
But please also look for someone else soon, just in case. The best way to get over somebody is to get under somebody new!
click to expand

Our last encounter, he disliked me crying during our airport farewell and expected strength, despite his discomfort. Nevertheless, he still kissed me, creating a conflicting situation. Second, texting him a few days after(involving how he teased me hurt me) lead to a defensive response when I expressed how his words hurt. Despite my attempt to reconnect during the holidays, he attributed his silence to renovations. Even though I apologized for any discomfort caused by my casual flirting, something he had never taken issue with before, he chose to ignore it. As a result, our communication has stopped.
His sign is in Pisces with Virgo moon
click to expand

Casually flirting with who? Him?

Pisces sun/Virgo moon? Sorrows. Prayers. Thats an emotionally awkward combo. Still his response to your crying seems very insensitive. What are you placements?

click to expand

Yeah, with him

It’s an awkward combo! A battle between emotion and logic. He can be so loving and empathetic one day and as currently…cold the next

Mine is Aries with Scorpio moon

Posted by VenusDoom

Posted by Undine
He’s not “avoidant”. You changed the relationship by changing your behaviour towards him and he bailed out.
I don’t think anyone wants to deal with a “friend” (with or without benefits) suddenly behaving like a jilted lover. I wouldn’t, and I’m not avoidant!
If I were you, I would give it a rest and focus on something else. If he’s coming to your town, it’s not for you, so try not to ambush him.

How exactly did I changed the relationship? Instead of assuming, ask

1) While I had feelings, I never did anything. He came onto me and confessed he was attracted to me

2) we discussed being long distance

3) we flirted a lot and he chased me

4)if not avoidant, why avoid confrontation like an child especially to someone you knew for years that did you no wrong? I wouldve been fine but ignoring is cowardly since he was the one that started

5) His friends are friends with my bestfriend. She doesn’t want to be alone unless I’m with her

click to expand

I still don’t know what happened between you two that ended up with you accusing him of hurting you with his “teasing” and crying at the airport, and him becoming defensive and then stop talking to you.

Also, if it was your first encounter in person? If yes, it mattered a lot, and it looks like it didn’t went well, so there was no premise for starting a romantic relationship afterwards.

Physical intimacy does not equal to feelings. If you are getting physically intimate with someone with the hopes that they like you back more than a random person/friend, then you need to make the unequivocally clear with your mouth. Your uncommunicated expectations hurt your feelings, not this guy. He’s being a typical horndog and doing things (lovebombing, sweet talk) to get sexy time with you.

People need to remember that one’s social media orbiting counts as zero effort. It’s literally no effort watching someone’s social media story or liking a picture from your couch or even the toilet. Don’t let this amount to any effort. It doesn’t count at all!

Posted by Undine

Posted by VenusDoom

Posted by Undine
He’s not “avoidant”. You changed the relationship by changing your behaviour towards him and he bailed out.
I don’t think anyone wants to deal with a “friend” (with or without benefits) suddenly behaving like a jilted lover. I wouldn’t, and I’m not avoidant!
If I were you, I would give it a rest and focus on something else. If he’s coming to your town, it’s not for you, so try not to ambush him.

How exactly did I changed the relationship? Instead of assuming, ask
1) While I had feelings, I never did anything. He came onto me and confessed he was attracted to me
2) we discussed being long distance
3) we flirted a lot and he chased me
4)if not avoidant, why avoid confrontation like an child especially to someone you knew for years that did you no wrong? I wouldve been fine but ignoring is cowardly since he was the one that started
5) His friends are friends with my bestfriend. She doesn’t want to be alone unless I’m with her
click to expand

I still don’t know what happened between you two that ended up with you accusing him of hurting you with his “teasing” and crying at the airport, and him becoming defensive and then stop talking to you.

Also, if it was your first encounter in person? If yes, it mattered a lot, and it looks like it didn’t went well, so there was no premise for starting a romantic relationship afterwards.

click to expand

He teased me because of the way he handled our intimacy. It was our second time, I let him finish first and didn’t bother finishing me. When I wondered why he hopped off the bed, he said, “you should’ve been more selfish” and that shattered me. I’ve been repressing the tears because he didn’t console me. More tears came out at the airport because of the thought of not seeing each other for months and he was so uncomfortable that he tried to tell me to toughen up. To make it more complicated, he kissed me as well

I texted that I had overall had a nice time with him, but the teasing was the only thing that hurt me and that’s when he got defensive which altered our dynamic for him to not speak to me while he still follows my socials. He made himself the victim by saying he was going to finish me, but I cried immediately 😅 again, it was what he said not the action

Posted by aquarius09
Physical intimacy does not equal to feelings. If you are getting physically intimate with someone with the hopes that they like you back more than a random person/friend, then you need to make the unequivocally clear with your mouth. Your uncommunicated expectations hurt your feelings, not this guy. He’s being a typical horndog and doing things (lovebombing, sweet talk) to get sexy time with you.

People need to remember that one’s social media orbiting counts as zero effort. It’s literally no effort watching someone’s social media story or liking a picture from your couch or even the toilet. Don’t let this amount to any effort. It doesn’t count at all!

We talked of the expectations, he promised he wouldn’t ghost and if things change, communicate. I was willing to do all those things while he didn’t, that’s why I was hurt

Although you’re right that is zero effort, liking still means interest. He made sure to overlook mine while liking everyone else’s post 100%

Posted by BadderBunny

Posted by VenusDoom

Posted by BadderBunny

Posted by VenusDoom

Posted by borednbeautiful

Posted by VenusDoom

Posted by borednbeautiful
I think he is manipulating you. Maybe it’s best if you unfollow him or even block him. I don’t think he’ll change. It depends how much you wanna play, but to me, it’s a waste of time and energy.
And also, my male friends told me social media following doesn’t mean a lot. I mean, even I follow guys who mean nothing to me. But since they don’t bother me, I let them be. Everyone has something good about them.

You’re absolutely right. It’s a battle between my logic and my heart since we’ve known each other for 4 years. I’m just at a loss atm because I can’t believed he turned on me in a blink of an eye which is heartbreaking. It could be as you stated that he’s trying to manipulate / mess with me since I muted him first and he noticed which is to remind me that he’s there
There’s a difference between influencers and close friends though which I thought he was
click to expand

Yeah, who knows what possibly triggered him? What is his astro sign?
It’s tough. If you send that message, be prepared for no answer or an answer you are not hoping for. Only if you are truly ready for the truth, you can do that. But the truth shall always set you free.
I don’t think you can change people’s minds. It could be that he has met someone new. It would be nice if he could be open to you, so at least you know.
But please also look for someone else soon, just in case. The best way to get over somebody is to get under somebody new!
click to expand

Our last encounter, he disliked me crying during our airport farewell and expected strength, despite his discomfort. Nevertheless, he still kissed me, creating a conflicting situation. Second, texting him a few days after(involving how he teased me hurt me) lead to a defensive response when I expressed how his words hurt. Despite my attempt to reconnect during the holidays, he attributed his silence to renovations. Even though I apologized for any discomfort caused by my casual flirting, something he had never taken issue with before, he chose to ignore it. As a result, our communication has stopped.
His sign is in Pisces with Virgo moon
click to expand

Casually flirting with who? Him?

Pisces sun/Virgo moon? Sorrows. Prayers. Thats an emotionally awkward combo. Still his response to your crying seems very insensitive. What are you placements?

Yeah, with him



It’s an awkward combo! A battle between emotion and logic. He can be so loving and empathetic one day and as currently…cold the next



Mine is Aries with Scorpio moon

Seeing that you're a scorpio moon immediately makes me feel bad. Save yourself the misery and move on. Virgo moon and Scorpio moon is a match made in hell not heaven. Ask Will and Jada lol.

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How does it make you feel bad? 😢

Posted by BadderBunny

Posted by VenusDoom

Posted by Undine

Posted by VenusDoom

Posted by Undine
He’s not “avoidant”. You changed the relationship by changing your behaviour towards him and he bailed out.
I don’t think anyone wants to deal with a “friend” (with or without benefits) suddenly behaving like a jilted lover. I wouldn’t, and I’m not avoidant!
If I were you, I would give it a rest and focus on something else. If he’s coming to your town, it’s not for you, so try not to ambush him.

How exactly did I changed the relationship? Instead of assuming, ask
1) While I had feelings, I never did anything. He came onto me and confessed he was attracted to me
2) we discussed being long distance
3) we flirted a lot and he chased me
4)if not avoidant, why avoid confrontation like an child especially to someone you knew for years that did you no wrong? I wouldve been fine but ignoring is cowardly since he was the one that started
5) His friends are friends with my bestfriend. She doesn’t want to be alone unless I’m with her
click to expand

I still don’t know what happened between you two that ended up with you accusing him of hurting you with his “teasing” and crying at the airport, and him becoming defensive and then stop talking to you.
Also, if it was your first encounter in person? If yes, it mattered a lot, and it looks like it didn’t went well, so there was no premise for starting a romantic relationship afterwards.



click to expand

He teased me because of the way he handled our intimacy. It was our second time, I let him finish first and didn’t bother finishing me. When I wondered why he hopped off the bed, he said, “you should’ve been more selfish” and that shattered me. I’ve been repressing the tears because he didn’t console me. More tears came out at the airport because of the thought of not seeing each other for months and he was so uncomfortable that he tried to tell me to toughen up. To make it more complicated, he kissed me as well
I texted that I had overall had a nice time with him, but the teasing was the only thing that hurt me and that’s when he got defensive which altered our dynamic for him to not speak to me while he still follows my socials. He made himself the victim by saying he was going to finish me, but I cried immediately 😅 again, it was what he said not the action
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Sounds like a class A douche. You deserve better, seriously. Dont just unfriend him, block him.

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Why does she deserves better?

She's looking for reasons to justify holding on to that guy. She deserves the treatment and influence she allows into her life. And he is living rent free in her head. That's what she wants, she wants the guy in her life. Unfortunately for her, she doesn't get to control or change the guy's personality.

If a bunch of people have to tell her (based on her description) that the guy is a douche... that means she is in denial/doormat mode and is just making a thread to validate her desire to see some redeeming qualities in this friendship/situationship that and simultaneously throw a pity party to garner sympathy for putting herself in the position of a martyr (which she doesn't have to).

By giving her sympathy and telling her "you deserve better", other people are doing the "getting mad" part for her, while she gets addicted to the martyr role and the sympathy that comes along with it. She needs to "get mad" and fed up of that situation herself (without others trying to convince her why) in order for her to finally act in her best interest.

Honestly, the best advice is quite simple. Don't like your situation? Make better choices.

Posted by BadderBunny

Posted by VenusDoom

Posted by Undine

Posted by VenusDoom

Posted by Undine
He’s not “avoidant”. You changed the relationship by changing your behaviour towards him and he bailed out.
I don’t think anyone wants to deal with a “friend” (with or without benefits) suddenly behaving like a jilted lover. I wouldn’t, and I’m not avoidant!
If I were you, I would give it a rest and focus on something else. If he’s coming to your town, it’s not for you, so try not to ambush him.

How exactly did I changed the relationship? Instead of assuming, ask
1) While I had feelings, I never did anything. He came onto me and confessed he was attracted to me
2) we discussed being long distance
3) we flirted a lot and he chased me
4)if not avoidant, why avoid confrontation like an child especially to someone you knew for years that did you no wrong? I wouldve been fine but ignoring is cowardly since he was the one that started
5) His friends are friends with my bestfriend. She doesn’t want to be alone unless I’m with her
click to expand

I still don’t know what happened between you two that ended up with you accusing him of hurting you with his “teasing” and crying at the airport, and him becoming defensive and then stop talking to you.
Also, if it was your first encounter in person? If yes, it mattered a lot, and it looks like it didn’t went well, so there was no premise for starting a romantic relationship afterwards.



click to expand

He teased me because of the way he handled our intimacy. It was our second time, I let him finish first and didn’t bother finishing me. When I wondered why he hopped off the bed, he said, “you should’ve been more selfish” and that shattered me. I’ve been repressing the tears because he didn’t console me. More tears came out at the airport because of the thought of not seeing each other for months and he was so uncomfortable that he tried to tell me to toughen up. To make it more complicated, he kissed me as well
I texted that I had overall had a nice time with him, but the teasing was the only thing that hurt me and that’s when he got defensive which altered our dynamic for him to not speak to me while he still follows my socials. He made himself the victim by saying he was going to finish me, but I cried immediately 😅 again, it was what he said not the action
click to expand

Sounds like a class A douche. You deserve better, seriously. Dont just unfriend him, block him.

click to expand

of course you'll give her that advice

Posted by VenusDoom

Posted by Undine

Posted by VenusDoom

Posted by Undine
He’s not “avoidant”. You changed the relationship by changing your behaviour towards him and he bailed out.
I don’t think anyone wants to deal with a “friend” (with or without benefits) suddenly behaving like a jilted lover. I wouldn’t, and I’m not avoidant!
If I were you, I would give it a rest and focus on something else. If he’s coming to your town, it’s not for you, so try not to ambush him.

How exactly did I changed the relationship? Instead of assuming, ask
1) While I had feelings, I never did anything. He came onto me and confessed he was attracted to me
2) we discussed being long distance
3) we flirted a lot and he chased me
4)if not avoidant, why avoid confrontation like an child especially to someone you knew for years that did you no wrong? I wouldve been fine but ignoring is cowardly since he was the one that started
5) His friends are friends with my bestfriend. She doesn’t want to be alone unless I’m with her
click to expand

I still don’t know what happened between you two that ended up with you accusing him of hurting you with his “teasing” and crying at the airport, and him becoming defensive and then stop talking to you.
Also, if it was your first encounter in person? If yes, it mattered a lot, and it looks like it didn’t went well, so there was no premise for starting a romantic relationship afterwards.




click to expand

He teased me because of the way he handled our intimacy. It was our second time, I let him finish first and didn’t bother finishing me. When I wondered why he hopped off the bed, he said, “you should’ve been more selfish” and that shattered me. I’ve been repressing the tears because he didn’t console me. More tears came out at the airport because of the thought of not seeing each other for months and he was so uncomfortable that he tried to tell me to toughen up. To make it more complicated, he kissed me as well

I texted that I had overall had a nice time with him, but the teasing was the only thing that hurt me and that’s when he got defensive which altered our dynamic for him to not speak to me while he still follows my socials. He made himself the victim by saying he was going to finish me, but I cried immediately 😅 again, it was what he said not the action

click to expand

Don't give so much power to a guy that he becomes able to "shatter" you with one sentence. If anyone you share a bed with says something like that to you again, grab a vibrator and give yourself 5-6 orgasms in a row, as noisy as possible. And don't forget to scream someone else's name each time you come! That would be "teasing", Pisces style .

Posted by BadderBunny

Posted by VenusDoom

Posted by BadderBunny

Posted by VenusDoom

Posted by BadderBunny

Posted by VenusDoom

Posted by borednbeautiful

Posted by VenusDoom

Posted by borednbeautiful
I think he is manipulating you. Maybe it’s best if you unfollow him or even block him. I don’t think he’ll change. It depends how much you wanna play, but to me, it’s a waste of time and energy.
And also, my male friends told me social media following doesn’t mean a lot. I mean, even I follow guys who mean nothing to me. But since they don’t bother me, I let them be. Everyone has something good about them.

You’re absolutely right. It’s a battle between my logic and my heart since we’ve known each other for 4 years. I’m just at a loss atm because I can’t believed he turned on me in a blink of an eye which is heartbreaking. It could be as you stated that he’s trying to manipulate / mess with me since I muted him first and he noticed which is to remind me that he’s there
There’s a difference between influencers and close friends though which I thought he was
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Yeah, who knows what possibly triggered him? What is his astro sign?
It’s tough. If you send that message, be prepared for no answer or an answer you are not hoping for. Only if you are truly ready for the truth, you can do that. But the truth shall always set you free.
I don’t think you can change people’s minds. It could be that he has met someone new. It would be nice if he could be open to you, so at least you know.
But please also look for someone else soon, just in case. The best way to get over somebody is to get under somebody new!
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Our last encounter, he disliked me crying during our airport farewell and expected strength, despite his discomfort. Nevertheless, he still kissed me, creating a conflicting situation. Second, texting him a few days after(involving how he teased me hurt me) lead to a defensive response when I expressed how his words hurt. Despite my attempt to reconnect during the holidays, he attributed his silence to renovations. Even though I apologized for any discomfort caused by my casual flirting, something he had never taken issue with before, he chose to ignore it. As a result, our communication has stopped.
His sign is in Pisces with Virgo moon
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Casually flirting with who? Him?
Pisces sun/Virgo moon? Sorrows. Prayers. Thats an emotionally awkward combo. Still his response to your crying seems very insensitive. What are you placements?

Yeah, with him


It’s an awkward combo! A battle between emotion and logic. He can be so loving and empathetic one day and as currently…cold the next


Mine is Aries with Scorpio moon

Seeing that you're a scorpio moon immediately makes me feel bad. Save yourself the misery and move on. Virgo moon and Scorpio moon is a match made in hell not heaven. Ask Will and Jada lol.
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How does it make you feel bad?
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Because I'm a Pisces sun/Virgo moon but I would never be as mean as this guy is intentionally. Though I seem to always hurt the feelings of scorpio moons unintentionally. Virgo moon is very matter of fact and can be a little harsh. Very dry humor and sarcastic nature. I find myself apologizing a lot to scorpio moons, and afterwhile I feel like I just can't be myself. Strangely enough it doesn't happen with Cancer moon, but they soften me so there is that.

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Gosh, what you said described him! Well, it’s as you stated, it felt intentional. We have the same humor /roast each other with a bit of flirting hence we got along so well for 4 years so am not as sensitive as the Scorpio moons 😉

He told me prior he only has 2 friends and everyone mistaken his intentions thinking he doesn’t care, but I wonder why 😅😂

You are sweet and that’s good that you tried to have good relations with them(Scorpio) regardless! I keep hearing Virgo x Scorpio moons are a good match but suppose it’s not always.

Posted by BadderBunny

Posted by Dastard2020

Posted by BadderBunny

Posted by VenusDoom

Posted by Undine

Posted by VenusDoom

Posted by Undine
He’s not “avoidant”. You changed the relationship by changing your behaviour towards him and he bailed out.
I don’t think anyone wants to deal with a “friend” (with or without benefits) suddenly behaving like a jilted lover. I wouldn’t, and I’m not avoidant!
If I were you, I would give it a rest and focus on something else. If he’s coming to your town, it’s not for you, so try not to ambush him.

How exactly did I changed the relationship? Instead of assuming, ask
1) While I had feelings, I never did anything. He came onto me and confessed he was attracted to me
2) we discussed being long distance
3) we flirted a lot and he chased me
4)if not avoidant, why avoid confrontation like an child especially to someone you knew for years that did you no wrong? I wouldve been fine but ignoring is cowardly since he was the one that started
5) His friends are friends with my bestfriend. She doesn’t want to be alone unless I’m with her
click to expand

I still don’t know what happened between you two that ended up with you accusing him of hurting you with his “teasing” and crying at the airport, and him becoming defensive and then stop talking to you.
Also, if it was your first encounter in person? If yes, it mattered a lot, and it looks like it didn’t went well, so there was no premise for starting a romantic relationship afterwards.



click to expand

He teased me because of the way he handled our intimacy. It was our second time, I let him finish first and didn’t bother finishing me. When I wondered why he hopped off the bed, he said, “you should’ve been more selfish” and that shattered me. I’ve been repressing the tears because he didn’t console me. More tears came out at the airport because of the thought of not seeing each other for months and he was so uncomfortable that he tried to tell me to toughen up. To make it more complicated, he kissed me as well
I texted that I had overall had a nice time with him, but the teasing was the only thing that hurt me and that’s when he got defensive which altered our dynamic for him to not speak to me while he still follows my socials. He made himself the victim by saying he was going to finish me, but I cried immediately 😅 again, it was what he said not the action
click to expand

Sounds like a class A douche. You deserve better, seriously. Dont just unfriend him, block him.

Why does she deserves better?

She's looking for reasons to justify holding on to that guy. She deserves the treatment and influence she allows into her life. And he is living rent free in her head. That's what she wants, she wants the guy in her life. Unfortunately for her, she doesn't get to control or change the guy's personality.

If a bunch of people have to tell her (based on her description) that the guy is a douche... that means she is in denial/doormat mode and is just making a thread to validate her desire to see some redeeming qualities in this friendship/situationship that and simultaneously throw a pity party to garner sympathy for putting herself in the position of a martyr (which she doesn't have to).

By giving her sympathy and telling her "you deserve better", other people are doing the "getting mad" part for her, while she gets addicted to the martyr role and the sympathy that comes along with it. She needs to "get mad" and fed up of that situation herself (without others trying to convince her why) in order for her to finally act in her best interest.

Honestly, the best advice is quite simple. Don't like your situation? Make better choices.
click to expand

Thats the logical explanation. But women don't think logically when they are in their feelings. Sometimes just hearing someone say back what you already know to be true helps you stop bullshitting yourself. At the end of the day, only she will know when she has had enough. We are just here to give our perspective.

click to expand

^^^This, except include men too in those who "don't think logically when they are in their feelings". In fact, men could be even worse, with some committing violent crimes and ruining lives forever when scorned..."females are disproportionately the victims of intimate partner and domestic homicide around the world". Compared to this, a disappointed woman with lingering feelings, telling her story anonymously, is hardly something we should be frowning about.

Posted by Undine

Posted by VenusDoom

Posted by Undine

Posted by VenusDoom

Posted by Undine
He’s not “avoidant”. You changed the relationship by changing your behaviour towards him and he bailed out.
I don’t think anyone wants to deal with a “friend” (with or without benefits) suddenly behaving like a jilted lover. I wouldn’t, and I’m not avoidant!
If I were you, I would give it a rest and focus on something else. If he’s coming to your town, it’s not for you, so try not to ambush him.

How exactly did I changed the relationship? Instead of assuming, ask
1) While I had feelings, I never did anything. He came onto me and confessed he was attracted to me
2) we discussed being long distance
3) we flirted a lot and he chased me
4)if not avoidant, why avoid confrontation like an child especially to someone you knew for years that did you no wrong? I wouldve been fine but ignoring is cowardly since he was the one that started
5) His friends are friends with my bestfriend. She doesn’t want to be alone unless I’m with her
click to expand

I still don’t know what happened between you two that ended up with you accusing him of hurting you with his “teasing” and crying at the airport, and him becoming defensive and then stop talking to you.
Also, if it was your first encounter in person? If yes, it mattered a lot, and it looks like it didn’t went well, so there was no premise for starting a romantic relationship afterwards.



click to expand

He teased me because of the way he handled our intimacy. It was our second time, I let him finish first and didn’t bother finishing me. When I wondered why he hopped off the bed, he said, “you should’ve been more selfish” and that shattered me. I’ve been repressing the tears because he didn’t console me. More tears came out at the airport because of the thought of not seeing each other for months and he was so uncomfortable that he tried to tell me to toughen up. To make it more complicated, he kissed me as well
I texted that I had overall had a nice time with him, but the teasing was the only thing that hurt me and that’s when he got defensive which altered our dynamic for him to not speak to me while he still follows my socials. He made himself the victim by saying he was going to finish me, but I cried immediately 😅 again, it was what he said not the action
click to expand

Don't give so much power to a guy that he becomes able to "shatter" you with one sentence. If anyone you share a bed with says something like that to you again, grab a vibrator and give yourself 5-6 orgasms in a row, as noisy as possible. And don't forget to scream someone else's name each time you come! That would be "teasing", Pisces style .

click to expand

He thought it was a funny situation which I thought was messed up. Once he saw I was serious that’s when he got uncomfortable. LOL I love your response and wish I could do that tbh

Posted by BadderBunny

Posted by Undine

Posted by VenusDoom

Posted by Undine

Posted by VenusDoom

Posted by Undine
He’s not “avoidant”. You changed the relationship by changing your behaviour towards him and he bailed out.
I don’t think anyone wants to deal with a “friend” (with or without benefits) suddenly behaving like a jilted lover. I wouldn’t, and I’m not avoidant!
If I were you, I would give it a rest and focus on something else. If he’s coming to your town, it’s not for you, so try not to ambush him.

How exactly did I changed the relationship? Instead of assuming, ask
1) While I had feelings, I never did anything. He came onto me and confessed he was attracted to me
2) we discussed being long distance
3) we flirted a lot and he chased me
4)if not avoidant, why avoid confrontation like an child especially to someone you knew for years that did you no wrong? I wouldve been fine but ignoring is cowardly since he was the one that started
5) His friends are friends with my bestfriend. She doesn’t want to be alone unless I’m with her
click to expand

I still don’t know what happened between you two that ended up with you accusing him of hurting you with his “teasing” and crying at the airport, and him becoming defensive and then stop talking to you.
Also, if it was your first encounter in person? If yes, it mattered a lot, and it looks like it didn’t went well, so there was no premise for starting a romantic relationship afterwards.



click to expand

He teased me because of the way he handled our intimacy. It was our second time, I let him finish first and didn’t bother finishing me. When I wondered why he hopped off the bed, he said, “you should’ve been more selfish” and that shattered me. I’ve been repressing the tears because he didn’t console me. More tears came out at the airport because of the thought of not seeing each other for months and he was so uncomfortable that he tried to tell me to toughen up. To make it more complicated, he kissed me as well
I texted that I had overall had a nice time with him, but the teasing was the only thing that hurt me and that’s when he got defensive which altered our dynamic for him to not speak to me while he still follows my socials. He made himself the victim by saying he was going to finish me, but I cried immediately 😅 again, it was what he said not the action
click to expand

Don't give so much power to a guy that he becomes able to "shatter" you with one sentence. If anyone you share a bed with says something like that to you again, grab a vibrator and give yourself 5-6 orgasms in a row, as noisy as possible. And don't forget to scream someone else's name each time you come! That would be "teasing", Pisces style .
click to expand

I would have gotten up immediately and went home to finish the job. And then blocked his call afterwards lol. Because if you gonna brag about being lame in bed, what am I doing here?

click to expand

I would’ve done it too, but was on his terf for a few days. Though he still paid / took care of me despite that awful awkwardness. Since he still watches me from time to time, is there anything from your point of view that might make him feel regret before I decide to soft block him? I woke up feeling bad and found he was liking a bunch of this girls’ pictures while ignored mine intentionally

Posted by BadderBunny

Posted by Dastard2020

Posted by BadderBunny

Posted by VenusDoom

Posted by Undine

Posted by VenusDoom

Posted by Undine
He’s not “avoidant”. You changed the relationship by changing your behaviour towards him and he bailed out.
I don’t think anyone wants to deal with a “friend” (with or without benefits) suddenly behaving like a jilted lover. I wouldn’t, and I’m not avoidant!
If I were you, I would give it a rest and focus on something else. If he’s coming to your town, it’s not for you, so try not to ambush him.

How exactly did I changed the relationship? Instead of assuming, ask
1) While I had feelings, I never did anything. He came onto me and confessed he was attracted to me
2) we discussed being long distance
3) we flirted a lot and he chased me
4)if not avoidant, why avoid confrontation like an child especially to someone you knew for years that did you no wrong? I wouldve been fine but ignoring is cowardly since he was the one that started
5) His friends are friends with my bestfriend. She doesn’t want to be alone unless I’m with her
click to expand

I still don’t know what happened between you two that ended up with you accusing him of hurting you with his “teasing” and crying at the airport, and him becoming defensive and then stop talking to you.
Also, if it was your first encounter in person? If yes, it mattered a lot, and it looks like it didn’t went well, so there was no premise for starting a romantic relationship afterwards.



click to expand

He teased me because of the way he handled our intimacy. It was our second time, I let him finish first and didn’t bother finishing me. When I wondered why he hopped off the bed, he said, “you should’ve been more selfish” and that shattered me. I’ve been repressing the tears because he didn’t console me. More tears came out at the airport because of the thought of not seeing each other for months and he was so uncomfortable that he tried to tell me to toughen up. To make it more complicated, he kissed me as well
I texted that I had overall had a nice time with him, but the teasing was the only thing that hurt me and that’s when he got defensive which altered our dynamic for him to not speak to me while he still follows my socials. He made himself the victim by saying he was going to finish me, but I cried immediately 😅 again, it was what he said not the action
click to expand

Sounds like a class A douche. You deserve better, seriously. Dont just unfriend him, block him.

Why does she deserves better?

She's looking for reasons to justify holding on to that guy. She deserves the treatment and influence she allows into her life. And he is living rent free in her head. That's what she wants, she wants the guy in her life. Unfortunately for her, she doesn't get to control or change the guy's personality.

If a bunch of people have to tell her (based on her description) that the guy is a douche... that means she is in denial/doormat mode and is just making a thread to validate her desire to see some redeeming qualities in this friendship/situationship that and simultaneously throw a pity party to garner sympathy for putting herself in the position of a martyr (which she doesn't have to).

By giving her sympathy and telling her "you deserve better", other people are doing the "getting mad" part for her, while she gets addicted to the martyr role and the sympathy that comes along with it. She needs to "get mad" and fed up of that situation herself (without others trying to convince her why) in order for her to finally act in her best interest.

Honestly, the best advice is quite simple. Don't like your situation? Make better choices.
click to expand

Thats the logical explanation. But women don't think logically when they are in their feelings. Sometimes just hearing someone say back what you already know to be true helps you stop bullshitting yourself. At the end of the day, only she will know when she has had enough. We are just here to give our perspective.

click to expand

This! Thank you for being emotionally intelligent ❤️