advice from an aries guy

I find it funny how men are always being accused of being afraid of commitment but it's women who are afraid of being in love.

discuss

I think that true to a point, but i think it goes for both.

-mike

I'd hate to broad stroke or stereotype, but I think people in general are at lost to what love is..

For men, love AND commitment is more than just being with only one woman- but also settling down to domestic life. Many times, when a man commits himself (or at least claims to), it quickly becomes a large responsibility and can easily stifle the freedoms that many single men enjoy. I think for most men, they want to be sure this is the type the responsibility they want to have, before making a commitment.... and so the "fear" comes from a feeling of not being ready- and/or outright feelings of inadequacy.

I think even now, there's a large social stigma for women to be in relationships (regardless to whether they're in love or not). Perhaps to some degree, there is a belief that "relationship" is synonymous with "love" for many women.. however I can't say this is the case for all women.

Anyway, I don't think we (as women) are collectively afraid to love- but moreso lost to what love is. Yeah there are books and magazines full of the sugary sweet, fairy-tale versions of love, but truly knowing love demands some level of self-discovery. This search for love becomes inhibited by a fear to trust ourselves and our own judgments.

But at the end of it all, I think commitment OR love escapes us all because so many of us put personal priorities first.

Yeah.. I think I've only felt that way about a guy I liked, but wasn't sure I cared about him enough to maintain a relationship.

But you're right, what I said is not exclusively male- women have the same "fears".

You're right, much has changed in how relationships and sex are viewed-- and what's considered "acceptable". But not much has changed in terms of the "idea" of love or expectations from it. I also disagree that sex is the only problem in the way men and women relate now-a-days (although I will agree that it is a large contributing factor). The problem seems more an issue of sex, combined with a casual relationship where the man and the woman have different expectations. I think, no matter what either person is thinking when they go into a casual relationship- one person always has more feelings than the other. That's how a person gets hurt. They didn't necessarily have to have sex in order for the emotional imbalance to occur.... but sex can make the scenario more painful for the individual getting the "short end of the stick".

Here here Seizetheday. Well said. And also the difference in approach to sex between the sexes (!) is that a wmoan won't tend to have sex with a man just for the act so she'll want ot see him again; whereas a man will have sex witha woman even if he doesn't find her that attractive and has not interest in her beyong the fact that she happens to have a female anatomy!

So are relationships that are mutually satifying and monogamous still possible in an age where sex and marriage are viewed so non-chalantly?

I agree with you MD about men having sex just for the joy of it, but women aren't entirely "blameless". Many of us have had our own superficial reasons for entering a relationship which ends up leading to hurt feelings and un-met expectations. Don't get me wrong, there's so many of us still looking for the perfect "mate" rather than the perfect sexual exploit- however what measure is being used? Do we turn down a possible suitor because of looks? Penis size? Financial Status? Educational background?

Caridad, I think the majority of people, eventually come to an emotional state where they are in search of mutually satisfying and monogamous relationships. The problem is, not everyone reaches that emotional state at the same time ( if at all! ). So I think, of course it's possible to have one-- when you're ready for it. The issue is finding another person who has a similiar goal.