Don't Hate Me But.........

.....This post is FORKING LONG! I do have a "Situation." Thanks for reading

I'm a Leo female, in my 30's. Met a Pisces male, in his 30's, one year ago. We have SLOWLY developed a fondness for one another, through our partnership in music, as well as deep 3 to 4 hour phone conversations about ourselves and life in general. We also go out on the town together about once a week. Both of us have not had sex in a year, as we are both new to this city and have not "gotten out there" much yet. Recently, I finally got the courage to bring up the idea of he and I taking this a little further, because we have BOTH been saying lately that we are lonely and horny.

After much talking, my Pisces friend says this......
"I do think you're kinda hot, I like you and I care about you, but I don't feel that 'gotta have you now' urgency."
He then goes on to say that he is afraid of getting involved with me because of some horrible scenario from his past, that involves something he did to someone, which has made him dead inside and now he is very afraid of "relationships". He says he is not ready to tell me what this horrible thing is but that I should know that there is a reason for his reservation toward me.

SO, he THEN goes on to say that he WOULD be open to the possibility of us getting together for SEX, with "no promises".

Well folks, I said yes. We both agreed that the tension between us had been mounting and that maybe we should just do it and see how we feel after. That Conversation Was 2 Weeks Ago.
Now all of the sudden he is "busy" with friends and t.v. football games. This guy only works part-time, and there has been plenty of nights he could have tried to come to my apartment.
Until today, I've just been kinda waiting for him to suggest something, but when he calls..... no mention.

SO, today, I called him and reminded him of the scenario that HE proposed and asked him if I should view the delay as a hint that he was having second thoughts. His reply was, "I'm busy through the weekend." He said he did'nt think there was a rush. (remember 2 weeks have gone by)

So, now I feel like some, back-burner biatch. I feel stupid because it would appear that I am way more interested in getting this underway than he is. I have also found out from my best girlfriend, that he KIND OF made a pass at her? Unfortunately, she can be rather dullusional at times so I have no idea if it is correct and she begged me not to ask him about it, which I have not.

I feel like I got "sucked into him" and he is now toying with me? I told him all of this today and he seemed like he felt bad. This guy and I are VERY open with our thoughts, but today, he seemed kind of closed off. In the end, he told me to do what I want, but he has not changed his mind about us sealing the deal.

I guess the MAIN QUESTION I have is weather I should go through with our "big night". I feel like I really need to make a decision and stick to it. I THINK what I SHOULD do, is just tell him "forget it" but something nags at me about individual complexities and having more slack toward his lack of action. I dunno man. I feel crappy. I just hoped I would feel more wanted? Does this seem like I am just an available piece of az to him? Even if I am, would that not be more exciting to someone who has not had ANY in a while?

If I were you and first the man I like DIDN'T want to date me . . I might be uspet.
Then when he decided that I MIGHT be good enough for a piece of ass, once in a while, but, then that didn't even seem so attractive to him . . . I certainly wouldn't TELL anybody.

He doesn't want you . . can he be any more obvious?

"Even if I am, would that not be more exciting to someone who has not had ANY in a while?"

Apparantly not . . lol . . you want him to sky-write it for you, or have a spot on a radio station? He doesn't even want your kitty . .

grow some dignity, for pete's sake.

ah ha....I see.
thank you ever so much.

It's highly possible that when he asked you that question, since he had an issue with relationships from a past one, that he was testing you to see whether your morals would allow you to be a sleazy . . when you said, "yes", you'd consider being promiscious ..

He's like . . tosser. Since it was after you presented yourself with this lack of moral decentcy, he's been avoiding you.

"I just hoped I would feel more wanted?"

If feeling wanted to you means, being a piece of meat . . don't worry, there are plenty of men who will step up to the plate . . however, maybe this can used as a learning tool to you . . if you present yourself as a slut, he'll probably look at you like one.

ok, I'm listening and perhaps I need this, but for the record, PRIDE.....has gotten me nowhere.....in fact it has destroyed me at times. I am a Leo with a Leo rising. Also, I know, on the face of it, what it looks like, but I have spent a year getting to know this man, as a friend, and therefore thought that I could break a very long DRY SPELL with someone I trust, which does not make me a slut. My only reason for needing feedback, is due to the fact that this man is displaying some CLASSIC Pisces traits, and I hoped for perhaps, a different take, BUT......Maybe it is what it is.
I do appreciate the response too.

"is due to the fact that this man is displaying some CLASSIC Pisces traits"

Such As?

Perhaps, you shouldn't even try a Pisces, we are way too intuitive for the "surface" Leo. Just myself, and I haven't even known you long . . in fact, I don't know you at all, except just what you've written and I get the idea that I wouldn't want to be with you, for your lack of sinceriety with this man. Certainly, if I can detect it . . he can, lol

Such as:

"Recently, I .. bring up the idea .. little further, because .. lonely and horny."
He says, "I don't feel that 'gotta have you now' urgency."
"he .. WOULD be open .. for SEX, with "no promises".
"I said yes."
"Now .. he is "busy" .. plenty of nights he could have .. come to my apartment."
"I've just been kinda waiting for him"
"today, I called him and reminded him of the scenario that HE proposed"
He said, "He said he did'nt think there was a rush."
"it would appear that I am way more interested in getting this underway than he is"
"MAIN QUESTION I have is weather I should go through with our "big night""
"I really need to make a decision and stick to it."
"having more slack toward his lack of action"
"I just hoped I would feel more wanted"
"would that not be more exciting to someone who has not had ANY in a while"
"therefore thought that I could break a very long DRY SPELL with someone I trust"

Pisces are perceptive and this sounds like desperation with a capital "D". You want to get laid by him and you sound horny as hell. I pick this up by your words, I'm sure he does too.

"I feel like I got "sucked into him" and he is now toying with me"

No, I think you're just horny and approached a FRIEND sexually, he got offended. I'm beginning to wonder if YOU aren't the one who has been delusional this past year, thinking he wanted to be in a relationship with you because clearly, he doesn't. It's possible, you've just been reading the signs wrong because, all his words suggest he doesn't feel you as closely as YOU think he does because you even said, "I have spent a year getting to know this man, as a friend"

Getting to know someone "as a friend" IS NOT dating.

He thinks you two are just close friends, and you're pushing yourself on him sexually and he's picking up on these vibes . . back off, he was just trying to be your friend.

You've spent a year working him - YOU THINK - lol, he's a Pisces. We can't be manipulated . . he likely felt this, since he backed off after you sexaully approached him . . quite frankly, he sounds like a decent and respectful person

I would be curious to know, what classic Piscean traits you were referring to.

I don't see anything in this except you reading a situation wrong.

He thinks your friends.
You think it's more.

He even said this: "I like you and I care about you, but I don't feel that 'gotta have you", and, "he is afraid of getting involved with me"

Being afraid of getting involved with you, means he isn't as of yet, yet, you think it to be so.

Apparantly, you must have pushed the issue about being horny and in a dry spell because he then he said, "he WOULD be open to the possibility of us getting together for SEX, with "no promises"."

Leo's only think on the surface . . I've said this repeatedly and here is another case where it shows itself . .

What Piscean traits? I see Leo traits all over the place. He was completely upfront with you, he hasn't escaped into a world of make-believe, he hasn't swam away, he's not being undecisive .. he said "no promises" . . that's not being undecisive.

What traits?

Meanwhile . . you've got the bed covers pulled back, waiting for the big night cause your in a dry spell.

What big night? He said, "open to the possibility .. with "no promises"."


lol

Um... yeah......Anyone else?

Hey P-person.
What exactly is your MAIN maladjustment?
How long do you think it would take to actually dignify all that with a proper response?
Here is a clue miss thang.........
It is nearly impossible to relay ALL the nuance of a detailed friendship, in a message board post, without writing a novel. THEREFORE, I attempted to SUM-UP the situation. So weather I come-off as "surface" to you, via my post or because I'm a Leo, is unclear, but surely you do not have the arrogance to merely use MY own words, in quotation marks, as some sort of PROOF to my shallowness or manipulative tactics? Furthermore poo-nanny, this is as far as I want to go in responding to your close-minded, leo-hating negativity. Are you mental— GIRL—

Where are all the REAL PEOPLE on this board—? Surely this P-Person is a robot.

lol, blame this on his Piscean traits . .but, dare say a word about Leo ones.

omg, another Leo trait, lol

I'm sure he is ignoring you sweetheart, lol

Today I called and reminded him that he has yet to come over and fuck me, lol

Babylon, I think due to the fact you initiated the "big night", and that he stated he did not want a relationship with you, is the reason why he is busy, and he backed off. See, I know how I would feel if one of my guy friends initiated sex, even if both of us were going through a "dry spell". Especially if he were a good, close, guy friend, I would run like hell. My thoughts would be..."I don't want a relationship with this person, just sex, and still be friends, hmmm..Maybe". "Well what if he gets all mushy, what if he becomes attached after just sex." The thoughts of too much drama, and the thought of possibly totally ruining a good friendship would be enough to make me pull away. I don't think that is necessarily considered a Pisces trait, I think that would be the reaction of anyone in this situation. I wish you the best of luck, and PLEASE...don't ruin a good friendship over a dry spell.

Why even contemplate being with someone who is not ready to adore you— As Drew Barrymore says......isn't life too short not to be adored every day??:-)

There are far bigger and better fish out there in the lovely sea of life for you:-)

Start swimming my friend...and forget that minnow!!!:-)

Alana x

Babylon . . I am just very direct in my speech . . no frills, no considering feelings in here because I believe we are all adults and are looking for answers, I won't stroke someone's ego . . I don't HATE anybody, so don't even go there . . taking the position of being some kind of victim to hate where it's not intended is NOT becoming or acceptable, to me, because it's ego based . . I'll look straight past whatever feelings you have and go right for the issue at hand.

Furthermore, my responses come from the tone you set. I've said this repeatedly in here and I do so in real life . . meaning, if a person comes in here anticipating problems within a relationship and only focusing on the bad side of a person, that is how I will respond . . if a person comes in here talking about love and endearing moments, that is how I will respond.

In your mind . . he has an issue, a problem . . problems will then be my focus, his or yours.

If in your mind . . he was loving and you adored him . . love and adoration will then be my focus, his or yours.

You want to understand this man? Or, do you just want someone to stand on your side?
I won't do that . . I won't side with ANYBODY . . I also understand that people have a certain amount of ego and will portray an issue slanted in their own direction to make them look good and feel good.

I have no care about your feelings . . I will read between the lines and tell you exactly what I discern from your words.

And that is . . he wants to be your friend and you want more. You're pushing him into more and he therefore backed off. Whether I say this with diplomacy, or tact . . makes no difference . . it is what it is, no matter how it's conveyed.

You don't want the truth, you just want someone to be polite? Then the only person you're fooling is yourself because I am a Pisces . . I can see through shallowness in any form.

Most Pisces won't be so bold and harsh, but, that doesn't mean they can't see beyond your vanity to the real cause of this problem. However, I care not about how you feel in the least bit because it's based off of ego and I don't nurture ego's in any form.

If this was based off of feelings, rather than ego . . my repsonses would be different.

Perhaps, you should attempt to understand how the fish processes in life, before trying to catch one.

Hey, thanks for responding.
Archer....everything you said, I know is true. I think you are right.

Alana....yes, I mean, I guess, but I feel like my friend does adore me. I know what you mean though.

Piscgirl....I like hearing that side, cause I think this is what may be going on.
However, perhaps I did not make this clear, but it was HE that brought up the idea of us having sex. All I did was tell him I am attracted to him as more than just a friend and I was not pushy about in any way.

I actually DO know very much of this particular sign, due to very long-term relationship I had with a man who later committed suicide (long after we were together). So, in reality, I'm somewhat reluctant toward Pisces men.


The reason I posted here is because I was hoping to hear the re-action, from a Pisces mind/perspective. The "traits" in him I refer to is merely the notion that he would build an attraction (yes, he IS attracted to me)then bring up the idea of bringing each other some pleasure (sex) and THEN VANISH, or GET ON THE FENCE. Thats all I meant.

"but it was HE that brought up the idea of us having sex"


"Recently, I finally got the courage to bring up the idea of he and I taking this a little further, because we have BOTH been saying lately that we are lonely and horny."

Likely, since he's a Pisces .. he's comprehending that you say things on the "surface" without any awareness that he can process this deeper, you have no awareness that ANYBODY can process it any deeper than your contridictive written words here .. what you say that something means, is not what it means .. because it went no further. For friendship, this would be cool .. but, he's not going to be bound to someone who views things so shallowly.

You came on to someone you shouldn't have and won't take any responsibility in this mistake .. a Pisces cannot live with this kind of ignorance .. I'm just the only one who has the balls to tell you.

"wht is hurtig is your pride and honesty... you have been straight and honest, but he is evasive and political"

Above is a quote from archer's response .. she is saying that your pride is hurt because you were straight forward with him when conveying to him that you wanted this relationship to go to the next level ..

You agreed that she was right .. then, turned around and made the defense that it was him who initiated this.

That's a complete contridiction that you don't have any awareness you made .. even now, as you read this, it's likely that you still don't have any awareness that by agreeing and both denying of the same issue is a contridiction .. surface, no depth.

You say you know Pisces, and I'm sure you do, from your depth of awareness.

i guess eh wanted to see what your standards were. and u said yes to sex with no strings....he probabley doesnt liek the sound oft hat seen as he hasnt tried anything with you for a yr. sorry but 4get him he probabley thinks bad of u now

I'm sorry but, I thought my post was clear. Perhaps not.
The 2 of us had/have an attraction, that was obvious throughout the friendship. Although I'm big enough to admit that his CONSTANT FLIRTING may have been without meaning.

I WAS THE FIRST TO VERBALIZE........Something like...."hey you know I like you right?"
Then HE SAID ...something like....."relationships terrify me"......"do you think we could have sex without getting involved?"

Maybe it was the way I paraphrased and shortened the details in my post that has me coming off as someone of low moral, or one who just wants to get laid. Do you not tell your friends when you are lonely and horny? I'm a grown woman, in my 30's, and maybe I missed something, but does me wanting to sleep with a good friend, whom I'm close with, show low character? Going out to a bar or an online dating service to "get laid", I would think, would be questionable. I take sex very seriously and only said yes to this man because I thought it would be lovely. He and I share everything. I don't know why some here would think that by my saying "yes", would CAUSE him to remain passive. Why would he judge me? Was his asking a test?

BUT I came here for different perspectives and I don't want to discount them. I am starting to feel strange though....like it was wrong in his eyes, for me to say yes?
I just thought this was a case of a pisces man, displaying hot/cold tendencies.

Yeah..I Totally agree. Too bad he feels the need to give a person false hope and string them along. Why can't people just tell it like it is (gently of course)? I really was not pushy toward him....and the F-buddy thing? Why even say that? To throw me a bone? That I must not eat?

Makes no sense to me. Too bad cause I thought we were tight...or so he always says.
I think I made a mistake with trust. Good test of a real friendship if you ask me.

This man was JUST a friend .. why is that so hard to comprehend?

What do you mean, if he wasn't interested in you, Lady?

He was a friend .. just a friend.

My brother is a very attractive, charismatic, tall, dark, handsome Pisces.

He has 3 categories of women in his life:

1.The lover/girlfriend/wife. He falls madly in love and will do any and everything to sweep this woman off of her feet. He ALWAYS succeeds. lol We're talking flowers, gifts, cards, music, driving 2 hours just to bring her some soup at her job on her 20 minute "lunch break" etc. Unfortunately, this "love" only lasts for about a year or so, then he finds all sorts of things wrong with her and falls in "love" with the next one.

2.The sex partner. This is a woman he has little friendship with. Usually just someone pretty easy who is willing to sleep with him. He'll usually cut them off before they start asking for anything more, like a relationship. They will NEVER be a 'friend' or a 'lover'.

3.The friend. This is a woman that he can talk to about the problems he has with the other women in his life. The woman who fills this role is someone he IS NOT SEXUALLY/ROMANTICALLY ATTRACTED TO AT ALL. She will never be a 'lover/girlfriend/wife' or a 'sex partner'. He knows that he doesn't want a relationship with her and they are too friendly to have sex with 'no strings attached' so he won't touch her with a ten foot pole. He WILL flirt back and forth with her and once he finds her a little too interested he gets disgusted(remember, he isn't attracted to her) and pretty much avoids her.

But that's just my bro.
Figured I'd share.

P.S. P-Angel can be a bit harsh but she's no robot. She's speaking from wisdom, experience, and her own emotions of what she's been through and might be going through right now. Which means they aren't always going to sound pretty and sweet, but they will be HUMAN and HONEST.

P.P.S. You're a LEO! You need someone who's going to adore you, not just agree to sleep with you cuz you're both in a dry spell. 🙂

well, I am glad to see a variety of people giving the 2 cents. I am thoughtfully reading.
What Ldybg said about him possibly coming around to collect, when he gets the notion, will happen I think. My answer will absolutely be no.

It just makes me sad. I really care about this person. It was not the dry spell. I thought I was making a smart choice in who I wanted to share something intimate with. Full-on rejection would have been better I think. I just feel angry now.
We talked about everything so openly and then.................
I could care less now, about sex, with him or anyone.

Babylon;

Try not to let it get you too down.
You got close to someone and cared about them.
You wanted more.
He didn't.

It's happened to all of us.

Chalk it up as HIS loss. 😉