Expecting too much

Not sure if it's my Pisces Sun..Cancer Moon..Auquarius Venus? I expect a lot. I expect people that I love to give back as much as I give to them.. My openness, trust, honesty, time, consideration. When I don't get enough, I feel such disappointment. I suppose I could give less and expect less.. But then, that's not who I am.
Anyone else feel this way or have a solution.. A different perspective ?

not rocket science but:
expectations are just a set up for disappointment
with anything, anyone, anywhere, anytime

you have to live and let live, not attaching your own worth/value system on someone else's actions

sadly with something like this, it usually boils down to something within oneself that needs to be examined. maybe you are looking for validation of your value system. maybe you want praise for it? somewhere along the line you have to realize that idealism isn't a functional model of the world, because the ideal were common, it would then be reality.

ideal is "nice", something to strive for, but you can't walk around life disappointed because every ideal you have falls flat. it should be a motivator, not the opposite.

le sigh... my pisces merc is on overdrive these days.

Right. Yes, you're both so very right. I know this, deep down, like knowing the answer to a test.. Like, reciting the correct answer from memorization.. however, living it and feeling it is harder. Thank you for your perspective. It's easy to forget that everyone is so different and ... It helps to look at it in different ways.. Like, if a millionaire donates $ 1000 to charity, that looks a lot more impressive than a little boy giving a quarter ..until you realize that the quarter was all he had to give. Perhaps the people that I expect more from are honestly giving what they can?

More than likely, yes. Not everyone is equipped to give what you expect 100% of the time.
It is hard to maintain that vision of someone else's daily routine, right? I think your charity donation example is a good thing to keep in mind.

Not everyone comes from the same walk of life, nor is everyone heading down the same destination path.
It's kind of the same thing as people chastising on DXP about not being "nice" enough to another user's self inflicted plight. Perhaps some people are on here to provide helpful insight. Maybe other users are here to find their own voice. In time, maybe the voice will develop into something more congenial, but playing in the majors before hitting your first tee ball is probably illogical - but we all walk around casting stones about where we expect and presume other people are coming from.

That's a jumble, but I think my point is in there somewhere lol

Posted by PiscesLoves
Not sure if it's my Pisces Sun..Cancer Moon..Auquarius Venus? I expect a lot. I expect people that I love to give back as much as I give to them.. My openness, trust, honesty, time, consideration. When I don't get enough, I feel such disappointment. I suppose I could give less and expect less.. But then, that's not who I am.
Anyone else feel this way or have a solution.. A different perspective ?

I think its the Aqua Venus...You could have a square somewhere in your chart or something that causes you to do that..but anyways, Venus in aqua needs a very close friend in a lover, so I see how there could be pressure to live up to expectations there.

Im a Pisces sun, Taurus moon, Aqua Venus! *high five*

I expect a lot too. i get stuck in a rut when I am disappointed in my partner because I would have such high hopes they would do for me what I've done for them.


I think the solution is to recognize whenever you're feeling that way and try to think of it as a manifestation of your own ideas about your partner. Once you do that you can prevent yourself from projecting those expectations/ideas onto your partner, stopping yourself from silently hoping they would pull through for you. And that applies to anyone when it comes to a relationship 🙂

does that help?




I do agree nonetheless with deezie's opinion though! Its tough earning the experience to not expect too much from a significant other, because that person is imperfect, just like you, or me!

It does help. Thank you. I feel better, like i've been set straight. (for now. No promises that I won't forget and need reminded again)

lol good evening tiz 😛

deferring to me is probably the worst decision you've made... at least today.
smarten up leeb! you're better than that!

guh.... not sure how I missed this being about a partner...
I was thinking in more global terms

regardless... expectations are still a waste of time.
you either love someone the way that they are while doing your best to communicate your needs, or move on. change is inevitable, but not guaranteed to be the change we want to see.

and given the fact that you said you give "openness, trust, honesty, time, consideration" - I should expect that you aren't sitting there expecting your mind to be read... hahah hopefully 🙂

@tiz - I'm humbled sir
@Jenn - thanks lady 😉

Posted by tiziani
There's a difference between genuine generosity and being a doormat IMO.

genuine generosity = zero expectations
being a doormat = wants tit for tat and is failing at it miserably, but refuses to quit (tenacity in the doormat mentality)

??

Interesting way to put it tiz...

Like giving bread to someone that just finished doing their groceries... ohhhhhhhh 😢 lol that had potential, and I lost it in the midst of typing

Posted by PiscVirgAquaFish
Also wanted to point out that the OP should look up Ennneagrams. I'm a 1w2 or 2w1. I find that type twos love to give, but we our secret desire is that the other party will appreciate our efforts and return the favor.

I took the test this morning with my coffee. Ha. It was a tie..4w3 or 2w3. Interesting. It said to take it again and to maybe narrow it down.? I'll look into this deeper when I get the chance. Thank you.

it isn't about altruism per se... it is about being realistic of the world we live in. north america in particular is a very self serving mentality. but I am back on to a general theme and not so much about a partner or love interest, which again as PVAF pointed out... it comes down to communication

I'd like to elaborate with specifics from today. He took a picture with some celebrity men. & he is talking about it a lot. I think I know what he wants to hear..yes, I can tell him. "to me, you are the best looking guy in the picture. Because I KNOW you. That matters to me and it makes you even more attractive than your sexy eyes and adorable smile. I dont know them so I find you much more attractive."
He laughs, says he loves that I said that. & Calls me a liar. That was at 3pm.. Never heard from him the rest of the day. Our normal "goodnight babe, sweet dream xoxo" was forgotten?.. Nothing.

If I could write my own story, he would have said "oh, thank you for telling me that. It's so nice to hear. I feel the same way about you too. Your personality makes you even more beautiful."

and so now I'm silently pissed off. Moral of the story.. Stop being so damn nice and loving and nurturing and complimentary and open if I want it in return..? I only spoke the truth, but yeah, I wanted some truth BACK.. Just GRRR with men.. Im considering a soft emotional female for my next relationship.. Kidding..i think.

Posted by PiscesLoves
so now I'm silently pissed off.

That's the moral of the story unfortunately.
Numerous times in this thread people have mentioned communication of your needs to him.

If you never tell him, he will clearly never know - he seems a bit dim if you ask me.

agreed because when you have standards you are willing to walk away if your standards aren't being met.

with expectations.... they are almost always of the silent variety (unless we are speaking of employment).

good differentiation lulu 🙂

Im sure my mothers absence has left scars. Sure, it is sensitive..but I dont shy away from sensitive matters. I prefer to face them head on when I can. So, I texted him at 3pm. I was careful to explain that I wasnt attacking him, I expressed some concerns..including how he leaves me hanging and it seems like especially when I approach sensitive subjects that he ignores them altogether. I asked for his perspective, so I could stop tossing these things around in my mind.
no huge surprise, all communication from him stopped. Its been 7 hrs.
Cappys need time to mull over sensitive topics.. Or it just makes him so uncomfortable that he shuts down. I cant live without some passion and intensity.

Posted by 88PisceScorp
ahhhhhhhhh it all makes sense now.
some caps were having a hard time this month. Give him some space, he really needs it this month.

Okay. Thank you. *sigh* i'll try.

My intuition says we are at a standstill. Also, I know this is his first relationship. So i'm trying to be patient and give him the benefit of the doubt. I know he cares about me. I wish we could make a compromise. I don't want to give up yet.