blue7ind
@blue7ind
17 Years
Comments: 0 · Posts: 10 · Topics: 1
Help please?
How to Improve Your Relationship with a Pisces Friend
To strengthen your relationship, communicate openly about your feelings and needs while respecting her emotional boundaries. Be patient and understanding of her depression and defensive tendencies. Focus on building trust and showing consistent support without pressure. Recognize her limits and give her space to heal, which can foster a healthier connection over time.
No we are not Lovers in the sense of Lovers. But to be honest, I would say, emotionally we are damn so close for friends but the line is not breached. And we don't have any intent of breaching it. Like I said, we both love our own families and want each other to remain faithful to the same.
Thanks Starfish!
I would like some insight into why she is behaving this way? Being a Libran, I am thinking of all the probabilities. Is she trying to be spiteful or overly defensive because she thinks it is too much for her to handle? Is she going on a guilty trip coz she has shared with me the secrets of her life and even about her Man? It is like she smiles in the morning and scorns by evening. She is very unpredictable and too hard to handle. She is way too dependent on me for various reasons and is it making her feel low esteemed and in turn very defensive?
what bowls me over is that fact that in the past 2 years she went thru severe problems both financially and career-wise and I had helped her all those times to get her back on track. Ideally I should be the last person she has to fight with. Don't get me wrong. I am not expecting anything in return but like any other Libran, I need some reassurance that she cares? She knows me in and out but still insists on not doing anything that I expect from a friend?
It is made worse by the fact that my family is away now and will be away for a while and I feel really let down. Where did the sixth sense of Pisces go?
I would like some insight into why she is behaving this way? Being a Libran, I am thinking of all the probabilities. Is she trying to be spiteful or overly defensive because she thinks it is too much for her to handle? Is she going on a guilty trip coz she has shared with me the secrets of her life and even about her Man? It is like she smiles in the morning and scorns by evening. She is very unpredictable and too hard to handle. She is way too dependent on me for various reasons and is it making her feel low esteemed and in turn very defensive?
what bowls me over is that fact that in the past 2 years she went thru severe problems both financially and career-wise and I had helped her all those times to get her back on track. Ideally I should be the last person she has to fight with. Don't get me wrong. I am not expecting anything in return but like any other Libran, I need some reassurance that she cares? She knows me in and out but still insists on not doing anything that I expect from a friend?
It is made worse by the fact that my family is away now and will be away for a while and I feel really let down. Where did the sixth sense of Pisces go?
Thanks Again!
It has been 2 weeks since she spoke with me. I usually walk her to her car and that day while walking she said that if I don't talk to her now, then I shouldn't complain she is not finding time for me. I just asked her where is this coming from. She said she just mentioned it. I could see she wasn't her normal self so while we reached her car I asked her what's wrong? She retorted why anything should be wrong? Something should always be wrong for you? I asked her why she is saying all this. She just said Yes, I got split personalities and just drove away leaving me stranded!! I sent an sms saying that I am offended and asked her not to sms or mail me. I was pissed off. And she never bothered for more than a week? We usually meet atleast 3 or 4 times a day. 3 days back I mailed her asking if she is going to remain this way and that I have a right to be angry. She just responded back saying that she is enjoying peace and quiet!!! I just mailed her back saying that if staying away from me is giving her the much needed peace and happiness, I will gladly do that. She just said 'Whatever. Have it your way'. I don't know where having it my way coming in here but just left it there. She is pregnant now and the last thing I want to do is to hurt her or make her stress because of me.
It hurts...really hurts when I am taken for a ride for no reason. That too by a person who knows me too well. And it's not easy on me when I am away from my loved ones.
Like you said, I have to distract myself and just hope that she comes back.
It has been 2 weeks since she spoke with me. I usually walk her to her car and that day while walking she said that if I don't talk to her now, then I shouldn't complain she is not finding time for me. I just asked her where is this coming from. She said she just mentioned it. I could see she wasn't her normal self so while we reached her car I asked her what's wrong? She retorted why anything should be wrong? Something should always be wrong for you? I asked her why she is saying all this. She just said Yes, I got split personalities and just drove away leaving me stranded!! I sent an sms saying that I am offended and asked her not to sms or mail me. I was pissed off. And she never bothered for more than a week? We usually meet atleast 3 or 4 times a day. 3 days back I mailed her asking if she is going to remain this way and that I have a right to be angry. She just responded back saying that she is enjoying peace and quiet!!! I just mailed her back saying that if staying away from me is giving her the much needed peace and happiness, I will gladly do that. She just said 'Whatever. Have it your way'. I don't know where having it my way coming in here but just left it there. She is pregnant now and the last thing I want to do is to hurt her or make her stress because of me.
It hurts...really hurts when I am taken for a ride for no reason. That too by a person who knows me too well. And it's not easy on me when I am away from my loved ones.
Like you said, I have to distract myself and just hope that she comes back.
*She bends over her back and helps people or finds time but with me, it's exactly the opposite.*
That doesn't sound right.
blue7ind, my advice would be for you to channel all that frustration somewhere else (go for a short holiday, meet other women, go hiking, gym, etc).
If a woman couldn't be concerned enough to care about you, then you shouldn't really give a damn about her (irregardless of her sign). I agree with Starfish; it sounds like you need her more than she needs you. You have to change that attitude. Be cordial with her but don't center your life around her. You deserve better, dude.
That doesn't sound right.
blue7ind, my advice would be for you to channel all that frustration somewhere else (go for a short holiday, meet other women, go hiking, gym, etc).
If a woman couldn't be concerned enough to care about you, then you shouldn't really give a damn about her (irregardless of her sign). I agree with Starfish; it sounds like you need her more than she needs you. You have to change that attitude. Be cordial with her but don't center your life around her. You deserve better, dude.
Thanks Starfish and BeoWulf
*If a woman couldn't be concerned enough to care about you, then you shouldn't really give a damn about her (irregardless of her sign). I agree with Starfish; it sounds like you need her more than she needs you. You have to change that attitude. Be cordial with her but don't center your life around her. You deserve better, dude.*
This is where she shows her push away and pull back tendency. She is so subtle in communicating when she expects something or when she needs me around. And I don't wait for her to ask. I just get the message and go ahead. There were instances where in she gets pissed off if I don't interact much or worse if I go for smoke with some other women at work. But she won't accept that and will claim that it's not her business. Ironically she will do exactly the same thing what she won't like me doing. And if I ask, all hell breaks loose! Even now that we are not in contact, I am sure she will say that it's all my fault when she comes back.
Like Starfish pointed out, it's too complicated for a friendship. We both are aware of the problems its creating. My point is when we know there are problems being created and when we know that we don't want to reduce the closeness, then we both should work on sorting things out. I tried conveying this many times and only response I got is she won't change for anyone. What she doesn't understand is changing for someone is different from being accommodating when situation demands. It's an emotional roller-coaster and I hate to admit that it feels more like an emotional affair!! As a Pisces, I am sure she must be knowing this and her behavior could be an attempt to prove to herself that it's not the case. I just don't know!!
*If a woman couldn't be concerned enough to care about you, then you shouldn't really give a damn about her (irregardless of her sign). I agree with Starfish; it sounds like you need her more than she needs you. You have to change that attitude. Be cordial with her but don't center your life around her. You deserve better, dude.*
This is where she shows her push away and pull back tendency. She is so subtle in communicating when she expects something or when she needs me around. And I don't wait for her to ask. I just get the message and go ahead. There were instances where in she gets pissed off if I don't interact much or worse if I go for smoke with some other women at work. But she won't accept that and will claim that it's not her business. Ironically she will do exactly the same thing what she won't like me doing. And if I ask, all hell breaks loose! Even now that we are not in contact, I am sure she will say that it's all my fault when she comes back.
Like Starfish pointed out, it's too complicated for a friendship. We both are aware of the problems its creating. My point is when we know there are problems being created and when we know that we don't want to reduce the closeness, then we both should work on sorting things out. I tried conveying this many times and only response I got is she won't change for anyone. What she doesn't understand is changing for someone is different from being accommodating when situation demands. It's an emotional roller-coaster and I hate to admit that it feels more like an emotional affair!! As a Pisces, I am sure she must be knowing this and her behavior could be an attempt to prove to herself that it's not the case. I just don't know!!
This whole thread sounds to me like you have developed a dependency upon her emotionally to make you feel better .... by attempting to make her have a dependency on you by going to her emotional rescue for purposes of having her accommodate to you, when you are in time of need .. such as now, your family is away and you are in need.
She feels like you are trying to change her .... you are trying to get her to understand that it's being accommodating.
---------------------
"she says whatever she does isn't enough for me."
"I am doing everything that I never done for anyone to make her happy but I do need some shoulder at times and she isn't providing me that when I need it."
Can I ask you: Why are you attempting to develop within her an emotional dependency upon you for when you are in time of need, by trying to create a loyalty in her by means of providing an emotional rescue to her?
Fish aren't easily manipulated .. this is something you are finding out right now, and it's throwing you off. If a person WANTS to aid us in times of need then we will take this offer, and deem it as if the other person cares .... however, we won't feel like we owe this other person something for thier concern for us. In return, if we are the ones who have aided another person, then we stand by this same attitude .. meaning, we don't feel like the other person owes us anything for our assistance because we only did it because we are concerned.
You provided for her ... and now you expect something back.
Pisces don't work that way, mate ....... and you'll be hard pressed to find one who will feel remorseful to you by means of you trying to make her feel guilty for not providing you with an emotional crutch to lean on.
Accommodating? She should accommodate to you?
To her ... it feels like "changing" for you.
Her behaviour appears perfectly normal for a Pisces ... I would have the same attitude. There is no score ... if a person is there to assist me, then I will take it to mean they are sincere in wanting to do this .. but, if I became aware that this person only provided this to me because they wanted a safety net to lean on, and so was attempting to create a dependency in me ... then I would feel the same way as your friend.
She feels like you are trying to change her .... you are trying to get her to understand that it's being accommodating.
---------------------
"she says whatever she does isn't enough for me."
"I am doing everything that I never done for anyone to make her happy but I do need some shoulder at times and she isn't providing me that when I need it."
Can I ask you: Why are you attempting to develop within her an emotional dependency upon you for when you are in time of need, by trying to create a loyalty in her by means of providing an emotional rescue to her?
Fish aren't easily manipulated .. this is something you are finding out right now, and it's throwing you off. If a person WANTS to aid us in times of need then we will take this offer, and deem it as if the other person cares .... however, we won't feel like we owe this other person something for thier concern for us. In return, if we are the ones who have aided another person, then we stand by this same attitude .. meaning, we don't feel like the other person owes us anything for our assistance because we only did it because we are concerned.
You provided for her ... and now you expect something back.
Pisces don't work that way, mate ....... and you'll be hard pressed to find one who will feel remorseful to you by means of you trying to make her feel guilty for not providing you with an emotional crutch to lean on.
Accommodating? She should accommodate to you?
To her ... it feels like "changing" for you.
Her behaviour appears perfectly normal for a Pisces ... I would have the same attitude. There is no score ... if a person is there to assist me, then I will take it to mean they are sincere in wanting to do this .. but, if I became aware that this person only provided this to me because they wanted a safety net to lean on, and so was attempting to create a dependency in me ... then I would feel the same way as your friend.
P-Angel, your comment made me think at the same time there are some things I need to clarify
*such as now, your family is away and you are in need.*
My family is away only for the past 1 month but she has been my friend for the past 2 years.
*Can I ask you: Why are you attempting to develop within her an emotional dependency upon you for when you are in time of need, by trying to create a loyalty in her by means of providing an emotional rescue to her?*
There is no plan in me to create an emotional dependency in the first place. We both were working in the same team for 6 months and I never even spoke with her. We interacted only as colleagues. When I accidentally heard about her discussing about her problems with her husband that too in a way that anyone can hear, I sent her a mail saying that it is not good to discuss about your personal issues in front of everyone and from there we started interacting with each other. With in a month's time, she got into a huge financial crisis when she got separated from her husband. All the debts they got together were in her name and it became her responsibility to sort it out. It was REALLY REALLY bad and her husband refused to do anything about it. Even though she was reluctant (obviously she knew me just for a month that time), I pitched in. After that we became really close as she started to share everything about her life (I mean EVERYTHING).
Who started getting emotionally dependent here?!? I staunchly stood by her thru everything she went thru for the past 2 years even when her parents deserted her once. I don't expect loyalty but what about being a true friend?!? Why should she depend on me so much and expect from me so much when she finds no need to do the same? What sense does that make?!? Why should she claim that I am the best thing to happen for her? Why should she say that she loves me as much as she loves her only son? Why to give promises that she will at least be half a friend to me as what I am to her, when I didn't even ask her about it? As a Libran, I need reassurance that people close to you care and that they give you attention. What it takes to give that?!?
When she thinks she has all the rights in the world to share her worries, why she is not allowing me to share my problems with her? Why should she get pissed off with me if I don't talk to her or ever worse, when I interact with another female colleague? Why should she apply different yard sticks to me
*such as now, your family is away and you are in need.*
My family is away only for the past 1 month but she has been my friend for the past 2 years.
*Can I ask you: Why are you attempting to develop within her an emotional dependency upon you for when you are in time of need, by trying to create a loyalty in her by means of providing an emotional rescue to her?*
There is no plan in me to create an emotional dependency in the first place. We both were working in the same team for 6 months and I never even spoke with her. We interacted only as colleagues. When I accidentally heard about her discussing about her problems with her husband that too in a way that anyone can hear, I sent her a mail saying that it is not good to discuss about your personal issues in front of everyone and from there we started interacting with each other. With in a month's time, she got into a huge financial crisis when she got separated from her husband. All the debts they got together were in her name and it became her responsibility to sort it out. It was REALLY REALLY bad and her husband refused to do anything about it. Even though she was reluctant (obviously she knew me just for a month that time), I pitched in. After that we became really close as she started to share everything about her life (I mean EVERYTHING).
Who started getting emotionally dependent here?!? I staunchly stood by her thru everything she went thru for the past 2 years even when her parents deserted her once. I don't expect loyalty but what about being a true friend?!? Why should she depend on me so much and expect from me so much when she finds no need to do the same? What sense does that make?!? Why should she claim that I am the best thing to happen for her? Why should she say that she loves me as much as she loves her only son? Why to give promises that she will at least be half a friend to me as what I am to her, when I didn't even ask her about it? As a Libran, I need reassurance that people close to you care and that they give you attention. What it takes to give that?!?
When she thinks she has all the rights in the world to share her worries, why she is not allowing me to share my problems with her? Why should she get pissed off with me if I don't talk to her or ever worse, when I interact with another female colleague? Why should she apply different yard sticks to me
and her?
She expects me to walk with her to her car everyday. There are times I had to wait for 20 minutes for her to come and I don't create much fuss about it. When I am late for even a minute she gets VERY irritated.
She expects my messages to her to be intimate (not flirting) and emotionally charged. If I don't, she won't be happy about it. There were instances when she won't be responding properly and when I even make my messages short or less intimate, she will accuse me of reserve tone. She is very possessive about me but she won't admit it. When I ask her to at least spare me some attention, it's an issue?
She is the only person to whom I let all my guards down and obviously it hurts the most when you get a hit. Did I commit a mistake by being brutally honest with her? Is it just a coincidence that she is always very tolerant to my 'cribbings' when she is in need but just becomes the opposite when she is not in trouble? Is that another face of Pisces?!?
She expects me to walk with her to her car everyday. There are times I had to wait for 20 minutes for her to come and I don't create much fuss about it. When I am late for even a minute she gets VERY irritated.
She expects my messages to her to be intimate (not flirting) and emotionally charged. If I don't, she won't be happy about it. There were instances when she won't be responding properly and when I even make my messages short or less intimate, she will accuse me of reserve tone. She is very possessive about me but she won't admit it. When I ask her to at least spare me some attention, it's an issue?
She is the only person to whom I let all my guards down and obviously it hurts the most when you get a hit. Did I commit a mistake by being brutally honest with her? Is it just a coincidence that she is always very tolerant to my 'cribbings' when she is in need but just becomes the opposite when she is not in trouble? Is that another face of Pisces?!?
"As a Libran, I need reassurance that people close to you care and that they give you attention. What it takes to give that?!?"
What does it take? What kind of reassurances do you feel you need to provide the attention of a true friend?
She said .... whatever she does isn't enough for you.
It's just hard for me to believe that 2 years have gone by, where she hasn't provided you with the kind of friendship necessary for you ... while you maintain ... "I love her far too much to let her go. I am desperate to make it work."
Why would a person who is left feeling abused, or taken advantage of for 2 years .... love somebody far too much that they would become desperate to make it work? It would appear to me, looking at this from a psychological standpoint .. that it is you who is actually dependent upon her emotionally, though I know that it's difficult for you to see this because it's your heart that is invested in this and so objectivity is near impossible.
She needed, and perhaps still needs ... a dumping ground, in which you provided to her. If everything you said is true, then there is no indication in her actions that she "loves" you ... yet, you love her far too much and have become dependent upon her to show you how much she loves you in return .... because she isn't showing you this "love" in which you need from her, you are left feeling desperate in trying to get her to understand that you don't want her to change for you, you want her to accommodate you in providing this same loving concern back to you.
In conclusion .... you are being used, but because you love her, you are attempting to create in her a loyalty of caring for your feelings, by being there for her, no matter how much you are being taken advantage of.
And yes, Pisces people WILL tolerate you when they are in need, if you are allowing yourself to be taken advantage of by them. We loose respect for a person very quickly when they lay at our feet to walk on, and we will walk upon them.
Pisces people aren't often guilt ridden .. if something happens to which most people will feel remorse for hurting another persons feelings, we usually completely detached from these feelings, so we no longer "feel" them ... if we no longer feel them, then there is no guilt associated to even feel.
I would suggest that you STOP jumping to her service everytime she snaps her fingers, if respect for your feelings is what you seek in her.
What does it take? What kind of reassurances do you feel you need to provide the attention of a true friend?
She said .... whatever she does isn't enough for you.
It's just hard for me to believe that 2 years have gone by, where she hasn't provided you with the kind of friendship necessary for you ... while you maintain ... "I love her far too much to let her go. I am desperate to make it work."
Why would a person who is left feeling abused, or taken advantage of for 2 years .... love somebody far too much that they would become desperate to make it work? It would appear to me, looking at this from a psychological standpoint .. that it is you who is actually dependent upon her emotionally, though I know that it's difficult for you to see this because it's your heart that is invested in this and so objectivity is near impossible.
She needed, and perhaps still needs ... a dumping ground, in which you provided to her. If everything you said is true, then there is no indication in her actions that she "loves" you ... yet, you love her far too much and have become dependent upon her to show you how much she loves you in return .... because she isn't showing you this "love" in which you need from her, you are left feeling desperate in trying to get her to understand that you don't want her to change for you, you want her to accommodate you in providing this same loving concern back to you.
In conclusion .... you are being used, but because you love her, you are attempting to create in her a loyalty of caring for your feelings, by being there for her, no matter how much you are being taken advantage of.
And yes, Pisces people WILL tolerate you when they are in need, if you are allowing yourself to be taken advantage of by them. We loose respect for a person very quickly when they lay at our feet to walk on, and we will walk upon them.
Pisces people aren't often guilt ridden .. if something happens to which most people will feel remorse for hurting another persons feelings, we usually completely detached from these feelings, so we no longer "feel" them ... if we no longer feel them, then there is no guilt associated to even feel.
I would suggest that you STOP jumping to her service everytime she snaps her fingers, if respect for your feelings is what you seek in her.
I accept that I am emotionally dependent on her and love her so much and that's the very reason for me seeking help in this forum. I love her to the extent that every single damn thing for home was bought by me when she started to live alone from her parents. From work perspective, she is now having a job because of me. And every month it is me who is paying the rent for her house. And NONE of this money is lend to her. It has been given.
Thanks P-Angel. You nailed it!!
*I would suggest that you STOP jumping to her service everytime she snaps her fingers, if respect for your feelings is what you seek in her.*
I stopped contacting her for the past two weeks and she is not contacting me either. Where does it go from here? Will she come back? If she comes back, will it be because of a need or what will it be? Or is it possible for a Pisces just to snap a tie for the sake of it? Will she realize the potential damage not just from material perspective (rents and I promised her everything will be fine when she goes on maternity leave (without pay) by end of this year) but from emotional perspective? Seeing that I am the only friend (in her words) that she has?
Thanks P-Angel. You nailed it!!
*I would suggest that you STOP jumping to her service everytime she snaps her fingers, if respect for your feelings is what you seek in her.*
I stopped contacting her for the past two weeks and she is not contacting me either. Where does it go from here? Will she come back? If she comes back, will it be because of a need or what will it be? Or is it possible for a Pisces just to snap a tie for the sake of it? Will she realize the potential damage not just from material perspective (rents and I promised her everything will be fine when she goes on maternity leave (without pay) by end of this year) but from emotional perspective? Seeing that I am the only friend (in her words) that she has?
Maternity leave?
You're paying and providing all material support to her?
".. is it possible for a Pisces just to snap a tie for the sake of it?"
Yes. In fact, it isn't uncommon for a similar question to be asked in here about Pisces people. We have the ability, in which we frequently do .... just swim away, even when times are going good.
I'm sure you've heard about the infamous "swimming away" that Pisces people do .... and we are capable of doing just that. Everything could be perfect in the world, and we can still just severe a connection and swim away ... usually, it's without any warning. A partner usually never sees it coming, and thinks life is perfect ... for no reason given to a partner, we have the ability to just cut the cord completely and walk away < with no guilt or remorse associated because we detached ourselves from "feeling" the person or situation.
"Will she realize the potential damage not just from material perspective ... but from emotional perspective?"
No. We normally don't work that way. Perhaps, depending on other planet placements, there might be the potential to look at a situation differently ... but, for the most part, once a Pisces disconnects any attachment, we never concern ourselves about it again.
It's not often that a Pisces will think in terms of "damage" done or a loss of something as being damaging, or an injury of some kind.
Key factor here in which is imperative to comprehend .... once a Pisces disconnects (swims away), we feel NOTHING .. zilch. Now this swimming away doesn't even have to be in physical form, either. We have the ability to disconnect and still be in your presence .. and you'll know it's there because it will be evident that we aren't concerning ourselves with your issues, or an issue with us.
"Seeing that I am the only friend (in her words) that she has?"
Friends isn't something we really need in life. Certainly, we love our friends and WANT friends ... but, a Pisces person is completely self-reliant when it comes to trusting for our feelings, and we don't really need another.
This may seem like a contridiction to you, since she relied on you to provide for her during her time of need ... so, let me explain this contridiction to you.
You're paying and providing all material support to her?
".. is it possible for a Pisces just to snap a tie for the sake of it?"
Yes. In fact, it isn't uncommon for a similar question to be asked in here about Pisces people. We have the ability, in which we frequently do .... just swim away, even when times are going good.
I'm sure you've heard about the infamous "swimming away" that Pisces people do .... and we are capable of doing just that. Everything could be perfect in the world, and we can still just severe a connection and swim away ... usually, it's without any warning. A partner usually never sees it coming, and thinks life is perfect ... for no reason given to a partner, we have the ability to just cut the cord completely and walk away < with no guilt or remorse associated because we detached ourselves from "feeling" the person or situation.
"Will she realize the potential damage not just from material perspective ... but from emotional perspective?"
No. We normally don't work that way. Perhaps, depending on other planet placements, there might be the potential to look at a situation differently ... but, for the most part, once a Pisces disconnects any attachment, we never concern ourselves about it again.
It's not often that a Pisces will think in terms of "damage" done or a loss of something as being damaging, or an injury of some kind.
Key factor here in which is imperative to comprehend .... once a Pisces disconnects (swims away), we feel NOTHING .. zilch. Now this swimming away doesn't even have to be in physical form, either. We have the ability to disconnect and still be in your presence .. and you'll know it's there because it will be evident that we aren't concerning ourselves with your issues, or an issue with us.
"Seeing that I am the only friend (in her words) that she has?"
Friends isn't something we really need in life. Certainly, we love our friends and WANT friends ... but, a Pisces person is completely self-reliant when it comes to trusting for our feelings, and we don't really need another.
This may seem like a contridiction to you, since she relied on you to provide for her during her time of need ... so, let me explain this contridiction to you.
Certainly, you've noticed how when you give her assistance ... she will listen, and appear to take your advice, or aid .. and then do what she wants anyway. She'll listen, and then make her own decision .. she'll take what you've given her, and then rely on her own self to use this information, or item at her own discretion .. even if what she did was the complete opposite of what you said, she will just shrug her shoulders as if to say .... so?
Or, when you are in need of emotional support .. she doesn't seem concerned about it. A Pisces person often provides people with emotional support, though, most people cannot see what it is we give to you for this support. For example .. she says that what she gives to you isn't enough. The support we give to another isn't a "fix" for you, it's an avenue for you to take a perspective into yourself to come to your own conclusion ... which is what we do ourselves.
For example .. we might say something similar to what I asked of you, such as: What kind of reassurance do you need of a friend?
To a Pisces .. that ^^^ is emotional support .. that ^^ is asking you to look inside of yourself to find your own conclusion, which is the only way we know how to roll.
So, though, it may seem as though she is looking to you for emotional support to "fix" something for her .. she is not. This is merely how you interpret her need of you. The only kind of support a Pisces wants of another person, as it pertains to emotions ... is for the other person to provide a perspective, so we can take this angle into our own counsel and come to our own conclusion.
So, as this loops around to the issue of friendship ... our interpretation of needing a friend is much different than other people's interpretation .. for other people need a "fix". Every other person's description of a friend is someone to rely on, to help them, to become dependent upon them to hold their hand.
We only need an angle, a path we didn't notice before .. and then we walk down it, alone.
Or, when you are in need of emotional support .. she doesn't seem concerned about it. A Pisces person often provides people with emotional support, though, most people cannot see what it is we give to you for this support. For example .. she says that what she gives to you isn't enough. The support we give to another isn't a "fix" for you, it's an avenue for you to take a perspective into yourself to come to your own conclusion ... which is what we do ourselves.
For example .. we might say something similar to what I asked of you, such as: What kind of reassurance do you need of a friend?
To a Pisces .. that ^^^ is emotional support .. that ^^ is asking you to look inside of yourself to find your own conclusion, which is the only way we know how to roll.
So, though, it may seem as though she is looking to you for emotional support to "fix" something for her .. she is not. This is merely how you interpret her need of you. The only kind of support a Pisces wants of another person, as it pertains to emotions ... is for the other person to provide a perspective, so we can take this angle into our own counsel and come to our own conclusion.
So, as this loops around to the issue of friendship ... our interpretation of needing a friend is much different than other people's interpretation .. for other people need a "fix". Every other person's description of a friend is someone to rely on, to help them, to become dependent upon them to hold their hand.
We only need an angle, a path we didn't notice before .. and then we walk down it, alone.
We're complicated .. so don't feel alone in this world in trying to understand a Fish. It's been 2 years and you still don't understand her ... this is not unusual.
Look at it from our perspective ... can you imagine a life where nobody really understood where you were coming from?
Even after 26 marriage, my husband still doesn't completely understand me .. he knows enough to trust that I know myself well enough to walk my own path .. he knows enough to believe in what I do, because I believe in what I do ... but, he really has no clue from where it comes from inside of me.
And it's because, all other people (non-Pisces) rely, depend .. on another, and we do not.
We rely on ourselves as it comes to trusting how we feel .... which is likely the creator of this viscious circle. Our own demon in life.
If we cannot completely trust another to know exactly how we feel, or even ask that they trust in how we feel because of this self-reliance ... and in essence, we're creating the inability of another to know exactly where we are coming from.
Look at it from our perspective ... can you imagine a life where nobody really understood where you were coming from?
Even after 26 marriage, my husband still doesn't completely understand me .. he knows enough to trust that I know myself well enough to walk my own path .. he knows enough to believe in what I do, because I believe in what I do ... but, he really has no clue from where it comes from inside of me.
And it's because, all other people (non-Pisces) rely, depend .. on another, and we do not.
We rely on ourselves as it comes to trusting how we feel .... which is likely the creator of this viscious circle. Our own demon in life.
If we cannot completely trust another to know exactly how we feel, or even ask that they trust in how we feel because of this self-reliance ... and in essence, we're creating the inability of another to know exactly where we are coming from.
I must have came to this forum long before!!!!!
Never I got such an insight and perspective about this any where!!
I feel let down. Your explanations are slowly sinking in. It's not her fault. She remained true to herself which wasn't good enough for me. Ironically, just 10 days before our fight, I literally have to cream everything I can to ensure that she wasn't taken to court for credit dues. I won't be going back to her at any cost unless she comes back. But I can't stop loving her and I don't know will I be able to stop ensuring her happiness...
Thanks again P-Angel! You are a star!!
Never I got such an insight and perspective about this any where!!
I feel let down. Your explanations are slowly sinking in. It's not her fault. She remained true to herself which wasn't good enough for me. Ironically, just 10 days before our fight, I literally have to cream everything I can to ensure that she wasn't taken to court for credit dues. I won't be going back to her at any cost unless she comes back. But I can't stop loving her and I don't know will I be able to stop ensuring her happiness...
Thanks again P-Angel! You are a star!!
Blue
Plain and simple you are getting used and she does not have the moral bearings to NOT USE you when you allow it. Some people actually buck at being users; some do not. They can do it with an easy flip of the hair and still say it's your fault.
She is lonely, in great emotional and financial troubles and PREGNANT!!! The hormones enough might make one half mad. Been there done that,twice.
A part of you enjoys the feeling you get by helping her but you also love her and deep down inside, secretly may want more or at least more than what she's communicating. Yet trust me you will not get it. It does not matter if its sex; its just MORE. AND I dont think you're wrong for necessarily wanting more, you are after all not a martyr, saint or grocery disposable diaper wipe. But here is the rub, the problem is it won't happen so move on. Don't be a doormat because trust me there are human beings who will be happy to step on you and muddy you up if you allow it. Then they'll walk away and say hey your problem you put the mat out, fool. You don't want to be in that position do you?
Plain and simple you are getting used and she does not have the moral bearings to NOT USE you when you allow it. Some people actually buck at being users; some do not. They can do it with an easy flip of the hair and still say it's your fault.
She is lonely, in great emotional and financial troubles and PREGNANT!!! The hormones enough might make one half mad. Been there done that,twice.
A part of you enjoys the feeling you get by helping her but you also love her and deep down inside, secretly may want more or at least more than what she's communicating. Yet trust me you will not get it. It does not matter if its sex; its just MORE. AND I dont think you're wrong for necessarily wanting more, you are after all not a martyr, saint or grocery disposable diaper wipe. But here is the rub, the problem is it won't happen so move on. Don't be a doormat because trust me there are human beings who will be happy to step on you and muddy you up if you allow it. Then they'll walk away and say hey your problem you put the mat out, fool. You don't want to be in that position do you?
Blueskies, I appreciate your comment.
You know what? I am a VERY proud person and always maintained my space no matter who it was. I never allowed anyone as close to me as I allowed her to. No, I don't want sex with her. It's just love, pure love. I don't have a reason why I continue to love her. But you are right. But looking at P-Angel's explanation, when you don't feel it and detach yourself completely, there is no question of Morality or Guilt.
But one thing is for sure. My individuality is at stake. And I can't allow it to take any further bruises. Believe me, a part says just go and talk to her and set things right. But it is equally suppressed by the stakes of my pride.
You know what? I am a VERY proud person and always maintained my space no matter who it was. I never allowed anyone as close to me as I allowed her to. No, I don't want sex with her. It's just love, pure love. I don't have a reason why I continue to love her. But you are right. But looking at P-Angel's explanation, when you don't feel it and detach yourself completely, there is no question of Morality or Guilt.
But one thing is for sure. My individuality is at stake. And I can't allow it to take any further bruises. Believe me, a part says just go and talk to her and set things right. But it is equally suppressed by the stakes of my pride.
A crude marker of any relationship is to ask yourself the question; 'how do I feel in this person's presence?'.
In every one of my friendships, laughter is a big feature. Stress is an occasional stranger.
Like SF said - good relationships shouldn't really be hard.
In every one of my friendships, laughter is a big feature. Stress is an occasional stranger.
Like SF said - good relationships shouldn't really be hard.
You're welcome 🙂
I'm sorry I couldn't provide you with any answers to your question about how to get her to be more giving to you when in need. But, I can tell you this ....
Pisces females HAVE to be needed by her man .. without feeling needed by you we diminish, and start floundering.
So, I would suggest that whatever areas in life you have become dependent upon her to do for you ... that you begin to fend for yourself. If she loves you, she will react .. if she doesn't know how she feels about you, but, does feel something, she will react.
For example: Let's say that she is the one to whom you tell all your secrets to, you confide in her solely ..... so, wait until she contacts you (don't contact her), and when she does and asks you what you are doing .. tell her that you're talking to a new friend and that this person is helping you with a life-issue.
If this woman is your confidant, and she knows she is because this is how you need her ...... then she will have an adverse reaction when you tell her this, because she will then realize that you don't need her.
Though, I don't like to suggest to people to play head-games, ordinarily, in this situation ... it would be for the sole purpose of trying to figure out where you stand with her, and not for the intent of screwing with her head .. which is what most head-games are used for by immature people.
If she has no reaction, or behaves indifferently .... then you'll know that she has detached from you emotionally. If she has any other reaction, such as jealousy, rage, or starts crying .... then this is an indication that she is still attached and feels guilty for not being needed by you because you turned to another person that you needed to aid you.
Again ... I'm not a fan of head-games, but, since this is just for clarification purposes and not to hurt her .... it would seem acceptable.
Good luck and I hope you figure this out.
I'm sorry I couldn't provide you with any answers to your question about how to get her to be more giving to you when in need. But, I can tell you this ....
Pisces females HAVE to be needed by her man .. without feeling needed by you we diminish, and start floundering.
So, I would suggest that whatever areas in life you have become dependent upon her to do for you ... that you begin to fend for yourself. If she loves you, she will react .. if she doesn't know how she feels about you, but, does feel something, she will react.
For example: Let's say that she is the one to whom you tell all your secrets to, you confide in her solely ..... so, wait until she contacts you (don't contact her), and when she does and asks you what you are doing .. tell her that you're talking to a new friend and that this person is helping you with a life-issue.
If this woman is your confidant, and she knows she is because this is how you need her ...... then she will have an adverse reaction when you tell her this, because she will then realize that you don't need her.
Though, I don't like to suggest to people to play head-games, ordinarily, in this situation ... it would be for the sole purpose of trying to figure out where you stand with her, and not for the intent of screwing with her head .. which is what most head-games are used for by immature people.
If she has no reaction, or behaves indifferently .... then you'll know that she has detached from you emotionally. If she has any other reaction, such as jealousy, rage, or starts crying .... then this is an indication that she is still attached and feels guilty for not being needed by you because you turned to another person that you needed to aid you.
Again ... I'm not a fan of head-games, but, since this is just for clarification purposes and not to hurt her .... it would seem acceptable.
Good luck and I hope you figure this out.
"No one can do anything to us that we do not allow..We are responsible for how another person treats us"
Agree 100% ^^^^^^^ .... though, it would appear as though this woman is taking advantage and a user .. it also has to be noted that the one appearing to be used is enabling it to happen by providing the opportunity.
In all honesty .. this is how I view this situation ....
Girl is in need of financial rescue .. boy provides, and then more on top by continueing to materially provide.
Boy now feels like she owes him ...
This really isn't a new concept ... men have been expecting payment from females for eons for providing materially .. and women have been leading men on for eons to get him to provide materially for her.
This is a two-way street .. in which both parties have created this situation.
Agree 100% ^^^^^^^ .... though, it would appear as though this woman is taking advantage and a user .. it also has to be noted that the one appearing to be used is enabling it to happen by providing the opportunity.
In all honesty .. this is how I view this situation ....
Girl is in need of financial rescue .. boy provides, and then more on top by continueing to materially provide.
Boy now feels like she owes him ...
This really isn't a new concept ... men have been expecting payment from females for eons for providing materially .. and women have been leading men on for eons to get him to provide materially for her.
This is a two-way street .. in which both parties have created this situation.
Yes, SG .. I've read lots of descriptions about psychopaths, and can't deny that Pisces people appear to fall under this condition. In fact, I warn people repeatedly in here, and RL, not to fuck with us, for because of this ability to detach emotionally ... we have the potential to be dangerous .. lethal. Historically, some of the most dangerous people who displayed no guilt were Pisceans ... such as the generals under Hitler who did the actual torturing to those people.
However, one aspect of this that I must deny as being associated within the Piscean is this ..... "they are the charming predators who can act normal and can take ppl for a ride for his pleasure without true remorse" .... though, it is true that no guilt is associated once disconnected, we aren't predators .. out there looking for people to fuck over for pleasure.
It's more to do with someone taunting us, or in a situation where we wish to swim away, and we are being forced, or in a situation where we feel out of control because another person is domineering us and putting pressure on us .... it's more like a defense mechanism to protect ourselves in certain conditions, that's why I preach to people to let their Fish go is s/he wants to swim away, rather than attempting to control them.
To protect ourselves .... we disconnect emotionally, so we can swim away. It's normally only when a person attempts to hold us down, that we are potentially dangerous.
Another instance that happens often is a conditioning during childhood. Because a Piscean lives and learns within their environment, if they are abused as children ... then we learn at a tender age, and become conditioned to automatically detach, and strike out at any sign of disagreement or tension.
I agree with you though, a Pisces person definitely displays antisocial issues ... even with the ones that seem perfectly normal, if you read inbetween the lines, you'll see how we appear to another person as being comforting, accommodating .. until we feel offended, which could something as simple as looking at us the wrong way ... then we become defiant, and talk of retaliations, or wanting to punish the person with ignoring them.
However, one aspect of this that I must deny as being associated within the Piscean is this ..... "they are the charming predators who can act normal and can take ppl for a ride for his pleasure without true remorse" .... though, it is true that no guilt is associated once disconnected, we aren't predators .. out there looking for people to fuck over for pleasure.
It's more to do with someone taunting us, or in a situation where we wish to swim away, and we are being forced, or in a situation where we feel out of control because another person is domineering us and putting pressure on us .... it's more like a defense mechanism to protect ourselves in certain conditions, that's why I preach to people to let their Fish go is s/he wants to swim away, rather than attempting to control them.
To protect ourselves .... we disconnect emotionally, so we can swim away. It's normally only when a person attempts to hold us down, that we are potentially dangerous.
Another instance that happens often is a conditioning during childhood. Because a Piscean lives and learns within their environment, if they are abused as children ... then we learn at a tender age, and become conditioned to automatically detach, and strike out at any sign of disagreement or tension.
I agree with you though, a Pisces person definitely displays antisocial issues ... even with the ones that seem perfectly normal, if you read inbetween the lines, you'll see how we appear to another person as being comforting, accommodating .. until we feel offended, which could something as simple as looking at us the wrong way ... then we become defiant, and talk of retaliations, or wanting to punish the person with ignoring them.
We just aren't people to be fucked with ... as sure as I'm sitting here, I can tell you that if we disconnect from a person emotionally, then from our perspective, whatever happens to that person if they continue to taunt us, or pressure us, or control us .. they do at their own risk of injury .. though, most Pisces aren't violent people physically ...... our normal avenue of assault is to tear them apart verbally, emotionally .. make them feel like a piece of shit for attempting to hold us down when we wanted to swim away.
It's not a pretty part of Pisces .. however, the potential is within us to do so .. and so, it's why I always give out warnings to people who come in here and express how they are attempting to control and dominate a Fish.
It's not a pretty part of Pisces .. however, the potential is within us to do so .. and so, it's why I always give out warnings to people who come in here and express how they are attempting to control and dominate a Fish.
Rare, does it appear to me that a Pisces (once matured from guppy) displays a victim mentality ... I see this in Scorpios, Geminis, and even Virgos often ... but, Pisces? Not really.
We are too indepedent, and free-flyers with attitude to have a victim mentality ... we're more prone to take the position of ..
Fuck you .. I'm out *** only tail-fin visible as we dip ***
Normally, it's only when someone is trying to control us, that we retaliate .. most other times (if not damaged from childhood), when we take a "I don't give a fuck attitude" about anything you say or do, so there really is no feelings of being a victim of any sort because we don't really care what you think.
Here it is in a nutshell ...
Two Fish Swimming in Opposite Directions:
We care about you, if you care about us ... we don't care at all for you, if you don't care about us.
A sharp division line .. no inbetween. So, if we don't care about you because you don't care about us .... then there is no victim in this scenerio. A victim of circumstances is only present because feelings are present of being abused.
There's no feelings present, SG .... if disconnected, so there's no feelings present for us to feel hurt by you, or abused by you, to make us feel like a victim.
Instead, if pressured or controlled .. we punish you for infringing upon our peaceful state of mind that is trying to exist without you in it.
We are too indepedent, and free-flyers with attitude to have a victim mentality ... we're more prone to take the position of ..
Fuck you .. I'm out *** only tail-fin visible as we dip ***
Normally, it's only when someone is trying to control us, that we retaliate .. most other times (if not damaged from childhood), when we take a "I don't give a fuck attitude" about anything you say or do, so there really is no feelings of being a victim of any sort because we don't really care what you think.
Here it is in a nutshell ...
Two Fish Swimming in Opposite Directions:
We care about you, if you care about us ... we don't care at all for you, if you don't care about us.
A sharp division line .. no inbetween. So, if we don't care about you because you don't care about us .... then there is no victim in this scenerio. A victim of circumstances is only present because feelings are present of being abused.
There's no feelings present, SG .... if disconnected, so there's no feelings present for us to feel hurt by you, or abused by you, to make us feel like a victim.
Instead, if pressured or controlled .. we punish you for infringing upon our peaceful state of mind that is trying to exist without you in it.
Usually ... if a person is attempting to control us, dominate us or force us into anything we don't want .. we ignore.
We are notorious for ignoring people .. that is normally how we punish people for infringing upon our peace of mind when we've decided to swim away.
We do it in here .. there are several Pisceans, including myself, who completely ignore people, as if they never even existed. We won't even acknowledge the person even spoke to us, or about us .... hang around in here one day when Piscean haters are visiting, and you'll see. People will attempt to taunt .. and we don't even acknowledge thier presence. To us, this is our right path.
To acknowledge somebody, even in defense ... is validating their existence by having a reaction to them. And to us, to discredit thier validity of existence is the ultimate punishment, for every person WANTS to be acknowledged.
We can be very cruel ... very. Likely the cruelest of them all.
We are notorious for ignoring people .. that is normally how we punish people for infringing upon our peace of mind when we've decided to swim away.
We do it in here .. there are several Pisceans, including myself, who completely ignore people, as if they never even existed. We won't even acknowledge the person even spoke to us, or about us .... hang around in here one day when Piscean haters are visiting, and you'll see. People will attempt to taunt .. and we don't even acknowledge thier presence. To us, this is our right path.
To acknowledge somebody, even in defense ... is validating their existence by having a reaction to them. And to us, to discredit thier validity of existence is the ultimate punishment, for every person WANTS to be acknowledged.
We can be very cruel ... very. Likely the cruelest of them all.
"Rare, does it appear to me that a Pisces (once matured from guppy) displays a victim mentality"
I believe that as water signs, we are actually more likely to experience a victim mentality for a number of reasons.
Why is this? Because sadists, bullies and so on are more likely to be drawn to the most sensitive. That is consistent across nature and includes human beings.
It follows then, that we should be targeted among others (including stronger siblings) and thus, primed for parental abuse or bullying (in the instance that parents are abusive). What effect that has is variable, but it will certainly produce a number of victim types.
I also disagree that Pisceans will chose as a method to detach AND strike. Moreover, there are several types of detachment. For instance, a chronic passive-aggressive personality will do exactly as sagi has indicated, by fostering chaos at every corner. It is a continual pattern of hostile anger, which they actually consciously choose to inflict on others. This is NOT the same as being reactive - i.e. 'returning fire'. They are two seperate experiences.
In terms of detachment, this is a feature of being a Piscean. In terms of striking out, this is more consistent with chronic passive-aggressiveness.
In my opinion, the difference between a Piscean (this is not exclusive to Pisceans) that displays victim mentalities and strategies against one that displays more passive tendencies (in an abusive background)is:
1) How they recognise and manage their anger
2) How they have managed to come to terms with their abuser
If they have torn away or detached from their abusers and have not managed to either deal with their anger / hurt OR been able to return to the source and actively live out a more constructive functioning role as an adult - they will have a rocky road.
I believe that as water signs, we are actually more likely to experience a victim mentality for a number of reasons.
Why is this? Because sadists, bullies and so on are more likely to be drawn to the most sensitive. That is consistent across nature and includes human beings.
It follows then, that we should be targeted among others (including stronger siblings) and thus, primed for parental abuse or bullying (in the instance that parents are abusive). What effect that has is variable, but it will certainly produce a number of victim types.
I also disagree that Pisceans will chose as a method to detach AND strike. Moreover, there are several types of detachment. For instance, a chronic passive-aggressive personality will do exactly as sagi has indicated, by fostering chaos at every corner. It is a continual pattern of hostile anger, which they actually consciously choose to inflict on others. This is NOT the same as being reactive - i.e. 'returning fire'. They are two seperate experiences.
In terms of detachment, this is a feature of being a Piscean. In terms of striking out, this is more consistent with chronic passive-aggressiveness.
In my opinion, the difference between a Piscean (this is not exclusive to Pisceans) that displays victim mentalities and strategies against one that displays more passive tendencies (in an abusive background)is:
1) How they recognise and manage their anger
2) How they have managed to come to terms with their abuser
If they have torn away or detached from their abusers and have not managed to either deal with their anger / hurt OR been able to return to the source and actively live out a more constructive functioning role as an adult - they will have a rocky road.
It doesn't appear that way to me, Waterwheel, though I can see this angle in which you refer ... and it could also be noted that to detach and ignore, that this stems from feeling like being targeted, so influences the Fish to detach in the first place = feeling like being a victim, which created the decision to bail. And additionally, for me to say that this is a defense mechanism, then it would be logical to assume that a defense mechanism is only in place because a person feels victimizes ... hence: forms a defense.
However, it doesn't appear to be this way when observed of others, and as I live within my own skin, though, to feel a certain way about a self-image and self motivation .. and how another person views a situation most certainly may be in opposition.
It appears to me to more about ... a search by trial and error. A person or situation is presented in the Piscean life, and this is experienced to see how it fits .. and if it doesn't fit, according to criteria of the search, then the Pisces swims away, even if the Fish was getting on just fine with this other person, or job.
However, it doesn't appear to be this way when observed of others, and as I live within my own skin, though, to feel a certain way about a self-image and self motivation .. and how another person views a situation most certainly may be in opposition.
It appears to me to more about ... a search by trial and error. A person or situation is presented in the Piscean life, and this is experienced to see how it fits .. and if it doesn't fit, according to criteria of the search, then the Pisces swims away, even if the Fish was getting on just fine with this other person, or job.
Yep - I'm with you. The detach part can be a victim situation.
I'm just thinking in terms of the actual detachment part. The Pisceans that I know tend to detach and think, or detach and sulk, not detach and 'attack'.
I'm just thinking in terms of the actual detachment part. The Pisceans that I know tend to detach and think, or detach and sulk, not detach and 'attack'.
In fact, if you're attacking, can it really be a detachment?
Perhaps I am confusing 'detach' with 'withdraw'. Is it possible to 'detach' and 'attack'?
The usual motivation for an attack is anger. Which is an active engagement with one's emotions, not a detachment.
Perhaps I am confusing 'detach' with 'withdraw'. Is it possible to 'detach' and 'attack'?
The usual motivation for an attack is anger. Which is an active engagement with one's emotions, not a detachment.
What I was referring to was when a Pisces wants to swim away, but, isn't permitted to do so ... this is when they punish.
For instance: Say a P-man wants a divorce from his wife, who absolutely forbids it to be so, and will fight him tooth and nail against a divorce. At this time .. the Piscean would strike out because he wanted to swim away, and he was being forced. He would retaliate. Under circumstances where the wife didn't attempt to force him in any way .. he would likely break up with her under cordial conditions.
Yes, I think it is possible to detach and attack .. in situations where the Fish wants to swim away, but, isn't permitted to doso.
For instance: Say a P-man wants a divorce from his wife, who absolutely forbids it to be so, and will fight him tooth and nail against a divorce. At this time .. the Piscean would strike out because he wanted to swim away, and he was being forced. He would retaliate. Under circumstances where the wife didn't attempt to force him in any way .. he would likely break up with her under cordial conditions.
Yes, I think it is possible to detach and attack .. in situations where the Fish wants to swim away, but, isn't permitted to doso.
*use of aliases*
This part is interesting. It's actually something I feel the need to talk about.
So ... Pisceans do this?
This part is interesting. It's actually something I feel the need to talk about.
So ... Pisceans do this?
SG ... Pisces people don't appear to me to put forth that kind of effort if the relationship is dead. Also, I would see this ...
" .. i do not leave ppl i care in the unknown and despair. i'd cease a romatic relationship even when another may think everythig is fine .."
As being one in the same. To end a romantic relationship with another person, eventhough physically, you are still present .. would still be considered leaving a person in despair. In fact, I would see this as worse then physically leaving because it is suggesting to this other person that you still want to be present in their life, eventhough, romantically, you have ceased feeling them.
But, you're a Cappy, and I'm a Pisces ... big difference. It would be within you to exhaust all efforts in making it work, for the sake of the relationship .... whereas a Pisces would refer to end it on the spot, if the relationship was dying.
This falls back to the condition where Pisceans are self-reliant when it comes to understanding our own personal feelings, and trusting in only ourselves as to how we are suppose to feel. For you, you would feel better about having some sort of plan in place, even at your own risk of feelings hurting even deeper .... because you would feel compelled to have the seperation organized, and make sense out of it.
Whereas a Piscean would have come to the conclusion that it doesn't have to make sense, it doesn't have to be organized ... it only has to end.
" .. i do not leave ppl i care in the unknown and despair. i'd cease a romatic relationship even when another may think everythig is fine .."
As being one in the same. To end a romantic relationship with another person, eventhough physically, you are still present .. would still be considered leaving a person in despair. In fact, I would see this as worse then physically leaving because it is suggesting to this other person that you still want to be present in their life, eventhough, romantically, you have ceased feeling them.
But, you're a Cappy, and I'm a Pisces ... big difference. It would be within you to exhaust all efforts in making it work, for the sake of the relationship .... whereas a Pisces would refer to end it on the spot, if the relationship was dying.
This falls back to the condition where Pisceans are self-reliant when it comes to understanding our own personal feelings, and trusting in only ourselves as to how we are suppose to feel. For you, you would feel better about having some sort of plan in place, even at your own risk of feelings hurting even deeper .... because you would feel compelled to have the seperation organized, and make sense out of it.
Whereas a Piscean would have come to the conclusion that it doesn't have to make sense, it doesn't have to be organized ... it only has to end.
Hmm. I am still good friends with all but one of my exes.
The only eventuality I can see for complete cutoff, is a very abusive relationship. I can do this, but it's not the preferred option.
The only eventuality I can see for complete cutoff, is a very abusive relationship. I can do this, but it's not the preferred option.
"i find it interesting too. i think ppl who do that too much that becomes part of their lives these ppl are definitely passive-aggressive."
Agreed.
Agreed.
"If I want to leave I do just that and no one has tried to stop me not physically..."
If that day ever comes to you, Starfish, you'll know exactly to what I refer.
Also, when I used to look at Moro's Piscean situation, for example, and she would convey how she was up this man's butt, putting all kinds of pressure on him to commit to her, when he clearly stated to her repeatedly that he didn't want a relationship with her .... he proceeded to hurt her feelings, over and over, and made her feel like a piece of shit.
We have the potential to do this .... people come in here often and express how their Fish made them feel this way. And in nearly every instance, it appears as though the Fish wanted "out", and the person in here upset was attempting to control the Pisces's feelings about them.
If that day ever comes to you, Starfish, you'll know exactly to what I refer.
Also, when I used to look at Moro's Piscean situation, for example, and she would convey how she was up this man's butt, putting all kinds of pressure on him to commit to her, when he clearly stated to her repeatedly that he didn't want a relationship with her .... he proceeded to hurt her feelings, over and over, and made her feel like a piece of shit.
We have the potential to do this .... people come in here often and express how their Fish made them feel this way. And in nearly every instance, it appears as though the Fish wanted "out", and the person in here upset was attempting to control the Pisces's feelings about them.
I don't know if a man truly works that way, even a Pisces.
Free sex doesn't seem to be a part of this, observing from a male perspective ... they appear, for the most part, to have the ability to hate a woman and still fuck her, if she allowed it.
Still, I maintain ... and always will .. that a Piscean has this potential. It may not feel this way to us, as we live everyday, and we know to how we feel and what is our motivator ... however, when viewed as an outside person, and listening to complaints presented in here by people who have had relationships with Pisces people, and the struggles they encounter ..... it has to be accepted by me that Pisces people cause emotional injury to people if we feel trapped, controlled or if we want to swim, or whatever reason.
If this weren't true ... then we wouldn't be hearing so many testimonies in here stating this.
Free sex doesn't seem to be a part of this, observing from a male perspective ... they appear, for the most part, to have the ability to hate a woman and still fuck her, if she allowed it.
Still, I maintain ... and always will .. that a Piscean has this potential. It may not feel this way to us, as we live everyday, and we know to how we feel and what is our motivator ... however, when viewed as an outside person, and listening to complaints presented in here by people who have had relationships with Pisces people, and the struggles they encounter ..... it has to be accepted by me that Pisces people cause emotional injury to people if we feel trapped, controlled or if we want to swim, or whatever reason.
If this weren't true ... then we wouldn't be hearing so many testimonies in here stating this.
This is too weird. Definitely aliases present here and not the ones I expected.
Sagi - you have PM.
Sagi - you have PM.
Even with this thread ... we find a Piscean who will take every and all things offered her from this man, and obviously lead him to believe that she is his woman ... yet, when he is in need, she ignores him and isn't there for him.
Situations like this is something we hear quite often in here ... and this has to be considered as part of our nature, even if it doesn't appear to us, or is evident to us that we do it.
Situations like this is something we hear quite often in here ... and this has to be considered as part of our nature, even if it doesn't appear to us, or is evident to us that we do it.
Wierd? Unexpected aliases?
What are you suggesting, Tone?
What are you suggesting, Tone?
" ... bc if I am walking away from some one that I really loved 9 times out of 10 it was bc he deserved it and could care less whats his next move just realize that its time for me to think about me now.."
I agree with you, Starfish .. and feel the exact same way inside. However, when viewed by the other person involved, it appears as though this 'deserving', and 'could care less' effects the person in a way that we don't even consider .. because we view it as deserving.
Our darker side isn't pleasant .. and it's not easy to contemplate, however, it exists.
I agree with you, Starfish .. and feel the exact same way inside. However, when viewed by the other person involved, it appears as though this 'deserving', and 'could care less' effects the person in a way that we don't even consider .. because we view it as deserving.
Our darker side isn't pleasant .. and it's not easy to contemplate, however, it exists.
Where that's good, SG .... you have one up on all the other people who don't have a BS detector, and if you know that Pisces are good at this, then you'll know to think hard before entering into a relationship with one.
"I asked him flat out what are you going to do when I don't love you anymore...Blank stare...I guess they never think that far..While they were not concerned how their actions would affect me they just got a dose of their own medicine not on purpose bc now I simply don't care..anymore..And when we don't care anymore then we are mean and cold...I don't see it that way.."
Me niether, Starfish, and it is a double-standard that most people aren't even aware of .... and they just go about life thinking we will take their crap, and be a doormat to them, and if we don't take it, then it means are mean and cold.
People don't really look at their actions for growth .. they usually just continue existing within a pattern. They will have the same kind of relationship with people over and over, and never become aware that it fails .. they just see it as they haven't found the right person yet to fit within their expectations.
A Fish won't do that ... we won't fit within their expectations because they actually have expectations of us ... so, we're mean because we swim away from them.
Talk about having a BS detector, like SG said .....
Me niether, Starfish, and it is a double-standard that most people aren't even aware of .... and they just go about life thinking we will take their crap, and be a doormat to them, and if we don't take it, then it means are mean and cold.
People don't really look at their actions for growth .. they usually just continue existing within a pattern. They will have the same kind of relationship with people over and over, and never become aware that it fails .. they just see it as they haven't found the right person yet to fit within their expectations.
A Fish won't do that ... we won't fit within their expectations because they actually have expectations of us ... so, we're mean because we swim away from them.
Talk about having a BS detector, like SG said .....
Me too, one ex of mine is married to my best friend and him and I are pretty close to this day. That's something a lot of other signs can't do though .. once the relationship is over, they often struggle to find a middle ground to relate.
Food for thought when you find someone sensible to talk to .. beware of the sweet, soft tongue ...
Have a wonderful lunch 🙂
Have a wonderful lunch 🙂
"Well whatever cause like I said once I walk away thats it for your ass, I could care less what you think..Best get on with your stuff bc I am getting on with mine.."
Amen to that SF. 🙂
Amen to that SF. 🙂
That would appear to be an Amen for us all ... for we all could care a less what the other thought.
Does this seem like a good quality?
Or, is it just something we don't even think about .... it's there, so it just feels so normal to us that it doesn't warrant any further consideration?
And yes to SG .. people really do get hurt, because once we detach, we no longer even care.
Does this seem like a good quality?
Or, is it just something we don't even think about .... it's there, so it just feels so normal to us that it doesn't warrant any further consideration?
And yes to SG .. people really do get hurt, because once we detach, we no longer even care.
Why should I care what people think? I'm going to spend the one chance I get on this earth caring about what other people think of me lol, especially when I know they're wrong - really that's all that matters.
So if they have me all wrong then fuck them, I'm not going to waste my time either explaining myself or justifying my actions.
So if they have me all wrong then fuck them, I'm not going to waste my time either explaining myself or justifying my actions.
Isn't it worse anyway to "pretend" like you care when you don't?
"Me niether, Starfish, and it is a double-standard that most people aren't even aware of .... and they just go about life thinking we will take their crap, and be a doormat to them, and if we don't take it, then it means are mean and cold."
Brilliantly put. I think the problem is that a lot of Pisces are push-overs and allow themselves to be used way too much, and then one day when we get fed up and leave, the other person is dumb-founded, and at that point we come across as cold and mean.
I had this happen to me recently where after years of taking a lot of crap from one of my closest friends, I FINALLY stood up to her and told her how I felt...guess what, now she won't talk to me, tells me to "let it go" and that I should've told her sooner...well, I know maybe I should have, but with Pisces most of the time, you give loved ones the benefit of the doubt. It's when they really betray you that you finally FINALLY stand up to them, and it definitely comes as a huge shock to them.
I definitely think it's a problem that a lot of Pisces need to work on...to not be push-overs and not let people walk all over them. I'm trying to be more outspoken, but it's just not in my nature. It's not that we suddenly turn cold when we get hurt, it's more of a defense mechanism, where we just can't take it anymore and we need to get out of the relationship for the sake of our sanity.
Brilliantly put. I think the problem is that a lot of Pisces are push-overs and allow themselves to be used way too much, and then one day when we get fed up and leave, the other person is dumb-founded, and at that point we come across as cold and mean.
I had this happen to me recently where after years of taking a lot of crap from one of my closest friends, I FINALLY stood up to her and told her how I felt...guess what, now she won't talk to me, tells me to "let it go" and that I should've told her sooner...well, I know maybe I should have, but with Pisces most of the time, you give loved ones the benefit of the doubt. It's when they really betray you that you finally FINALLY stand up to them, and it definitely comes as a huge shock to them.
I definitely think it's a problem that a lot of Pisces need to work on...to not be push-overs and not let people walk all over them. I'm trying to be more outspoken, but it's just not in my nature. It's not that we suddenly turn cold when we get hurt, it's more of a defense mechanism, where we just can't take it anymore and we need to get out of the relationship for the sake of our sanity.
Did this help you understand what to do next?
dxpnet has hosted real conversations like this since 2000. If you value independent communities, you can support the site below.
Every contribution helps keep dxpnet independent and ad-light.
Join the Conversation. Explore Yourself. Connect with Others.
Discover insights, swap stories, and find people. dxpnet is where experiences turn into understanding.
Create Your Free Account →Related Topics
Funny, inspiring, meaningful and so on. Add them here! I'll start with some of my faves: 'You can't care about
First let me say I don't believe in changing yourself for any man. I generally have a take me as I am mentality. If he
Hi - I'll try and make this as short as possible! Been with Pisces husband 13 years (I'm Sagittarius). A month I found o
not wanting to be his client anymore? My younger brother (19) is a licensed hair stylist. I've been going to him for
My dad's mum. At first it didn't register, not really, I've never been close to my dad's side of the family - he and my
i have been searching for any advice on Virgo Pisces. Im August 27th Virgo and she is a March 11th Pisces. she jus
How important should compatibility be between two people in a relationship and what determines compatibility? And doesn'
OK, which sign do you feel you have learned the most from during your life so far, be it good or bad?
I have to ask if you Piscean people are like me.......do you have to live in a city that fits who you are—? I notic
So what's better for Cancers born June 27, 1979. Scorpio or Pisces? Time born was around 2pm.
Non-Americanas, feel free to inform of your weekend plans, also. ;) We've got a three day weekend here, so we're goin
You've been working hard on a number of fronts. Your home and family, money, career, and day-to-day projects have all ne
Hi all, new here and just looking for some input from actual people since we can all obviously read the standard astrolo
This used to be quite a busy board and now it's quieter than the graveyard outside my flat! I say we start a campaign
Hey all, I have some questions about aspects and such. What does it mean when you have no planets in a house? My seve
If a dude sent you a song and said this is your song to me and the lyrics were this: All the clever things I should
Hi guys ..just thought i would give a re-post from an older thread, while i'm thinking of it, in case anyone missed..
There's this Pisces man I play poker with regularly (4 nights out of 7) .. and we have become close friends. He's very
What do u think about the dual fish combo? I am scared to venture down that road again becoz of my last dual fish experi
There's a hightly emotional full moon on Wednesday - when the Gemini Sun opposes the Moon in Sagittarius. On the same
I know I mean the world to her. We trust each other with even the intimate details of our personal life. But she always leaves me feeling uncared. It's more of a push away and pull back kind of a relation. As much as I love her, I can't avoid the stress building up inside and there is no way I can make her understand this as it will invariably lead to another argument and she gets into a mode where she says whatever she does isn't enough for me. What options I have? I love her far too much to let her go. I am desperate to make it work. Any suggestions please?
BTW, we are emotionally attached to each other and nothing else!
She had depression and it makes it all the more tricky for me. I am doing everything that I never done for anyone to make her happy but I do need some shoulder at times and she isn't providing me that when I need it. She knows me for over 2 years but as much as she shares everything, she gets annoyingly defensive at times. She bends over her back and helps people or finds time but with me, it's exactly the opposite. I don't know what she is scared of? And why she is not giving me the much needed comfort and warmth?
And we both are mature individuals with our own families and children.