Retiring from dating another Pisces again! (Page 2)

So you fuck n' drive? *wink*

It's not about WHEN she gives it up.. it's about WHY she gives it up, and manipulation underneath it will blow up in her face, and she'll only SEE "another guy just fucked and ran" or something. No man ever TRULY falls in love with a woman because of sex, or even because she held out on him. It goes much deeper than that.

I see three guys right here, right now... how do you guys feel about what I wrote? Am I at least CLOSE to how men view this whole sex or no sex and giving it up or withholding sex issue?

Posted by ianthefish
thats what ive been trying to say this whole time..

I know, Ian! I heard you loud and clear!

Posted by periperi

Posted by Nefer
So you fuck n' drive? *wink*

Leather seats down, windows up, sunroof open, dark night in the middle of the park...Oh Nefer...You're getting my engine revved up...If you know what I mean...





I'll let you steer if you like 😉

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Why is a cartoon turning me on? o.O

Posted by PandorasBox
I was gunna go back and read the thread from the beginnin..

But I can't get my eyes to move from those drivin images....

inorite? *blink*

Is that what you were trying to say, Lauren? I thought you were saying that you get so horny and so you have sex with men who then leave you, and that it keeps happening. And that it's somehow the guys' faults. o.o

But we women are responsible for our own CHOICES in men.. and if we seem to keep picking the losers, we need to ask ourselves WHY we do this, WHY we keep attracting or being attracted to less than worthy men. I've done it too - look back and think, "What, was I on DRUGS?!!?" We ALL get the hornies at times, and yes, real sex beats masturbation... unless real sex keeps leading to another disappointing breakup with another disappointing man. I've been celibate for up to three or four months many times. WAITING, not WITHHOLDING. And twice, celibate for two years each (well, 22 months on one and 25 on another.) And when I finally just BROKE.. like, "GIVE ME SEX NOW, BEFORE I KILL SOMETHING!!".. yes, both times my expectations were skewed, and I faced bitter heartbreak. I learned from it though - so I regret nothing.

If you cannot have sex with a man without expecting or wanting it to magically develop into Big Love, then don't have sex until it already IS love! At least wait until you're actually IN a committed relationship with a man, and not an "imaginary relationship" we women tend to create out of thin air because we're over-analyzing and assuming a man is more serious than he actually is, because he likes us and likes being with us and wants sex with us. If he has not STATED you are in a relationship, and his actions MATCH his words, it's NOT a real relationship, no matter how real it FEELS to you. ONLY have sex when you are really emotionally ready for it, without having expectations about what you should "get in return" for giving him sex.

Personal advice for Lauren's repeated situations: Wait to have sex, don't let your hormones overrule your head.. your emotions/heart keep paying the price. Masturbate a lot. No, it's not as good as real sex, but it's better than making your emotions/heart pay the price for what your hormones/coochie wants. Wait until you are IN a relationship with a man, committed and exclusive... because sex will NOT magically create that sort of relationship for you... and your emotions/heart keep paying the price. Be HONEST and OPEN about what you feel and want, "I'm not looking for a purely sexual relationship, those leave me feeling empty and hurt. I feel more comfortable waiting for sex, waiting until it feels right for me. I love spending time with you, and I'd like to continue seeing you, but I don't want to rush into something I may feel bad about."

BIG LOVE is grown, nurtured... it's not immediate, and it's not "The Spark"... and men tend to take longer than women to realize they've fallen in love (excepting Pisces muahaha! They KNOW rather quickly.. so if he's not feelin' it.. he's not feelin' it! lol) But even with a Pisces man, Big Love grows bigger, deeper, stronger. You can't MAKE a man fall in love.. he either FALLS, or he DOESN'T. And hey... don't beat yourself up if he doesn't! Not everyone is a good fit! He may even have saved you from investing months or years into something that would tear you apart eventually. He may have done you a favor. Love is a risk, but always worth it.

Be happy, centered, open, secure. Love yourself first of all. Know what you want and what you DON'T want especially. Be fearless in expressing your emotions, men AREN'T scared of them. They're scared of the BLOW UP that eventually comes with a woman who stuffs everything down cuz she cannot express her feelings openly and honestly AS THEY HAPPEN and/or is pretending to be "cool" with something she doesn't actually want. (Like casual sex that doesn't lead to a relationship, in your case!)

Then I apologize for misinterpreting your words, Lauren. And I only know about ONE "relationship" situation involving you, except for the "examples" you provided in this thread. For all I knew until tonight, that psycho Pisces guy was the only guy who ever dumped you, much less "humped & dumped"! And NO, I don't want to believe you're always getting dumped.. I want to see the day you find what you're looking for, your Big Love!

But I do think you also misinterpreted something I said. I wasn't saying that it doesn't matter if you don't have sex early on, guys still dump you even if you waited. While that can be true (esp with those aforementioned "hit n' run" types)... it's not about WHEN, but WHY you have sex with a man, esp BEFORE you're actually in a relationship with him. Ian was simply telling you to not give up the pussy, since you said it keeps backfiring on you - But he's still talking about the WHY being wrong, not the WHEN. Your examples seem to portray that you keep having sex and it turns out to be "too soon" and then they leave, or don't want a relationship with you at all but just wanted sex. Which means your WHY was wrong, not your WHEN!

And I always feel sad when I see people saying they're giving up on relationships because they've gone badly in the past. I don't want you to give up... I want you to live and love fearlessly.. it's not a nightmare.. it's beautiful and fulfilling!

Wanting love does not make a woman weak.. being untruthful about what she wants does. Emotions ARE a woman's power.. her emotions and expressing those emotions will draw a man closer the way nothing else ever can, not her looks, status, material things, how smart and funny and awesome she is, or how good she is in bed. Trying to be more "in control" or be "ballsy and brash" and deciding you can "fuck just like a man, without emotions or feelings at all" backfires for most women. (A lot of men, too.) People DO want love.. they just don't want to be in love with the wrong person, so we go through all of this relationship stuff.

If you want to have emotionless sex, more power to you. I don't judge on that. But if what you really want deep down is love (Big Love?) and a relationship, don't pretend that casual sex is "cool" with you, because you're still going to come off as inauthentic. Men can feel the vibes a woman gives off, most at a subconscious level. Most men only know that he WANTS to be around her, or that he DOESN'T want to. And pretending (or not pretending) to feel (or not feel) a feeling or emotion is the quickest way to jack your vibe and turn a man off. He might not even know WHY, he doesn't analyze it endlessly like women tend to though, he just knows and accepts that she's not the woman he wants to be with.

Wait.. do you mean to say that you've tried TWICE for your Big Love.. and failed.. and now you've given up on your dreams of love AND of family?

That feels SO sad to me, Lauren. 😢

uhm...WUT!?

i'm so confused.

this is stupid.

you abstained from having sex for TWO DECADES and you're 22 years old?

what planet are you people on?

Also, I wonder... seems like you were "fine" with just picking guys for casual sex, not emotional involvement.. but then, two times you picked guys you felt you wanted more with and made one "wait" almost 2 months for sex. And both of those crashed and burned, yes?

Okay, so I have to ask.. if you were accustomed to, used to, attracting and being attracted to guys who were in it for the sex only (for your casual sex partners)... what makes you think you'd be attracting or attracted to a guy who was different, to a guy who would WANT more, and NOT just be another guy looking for casual sex? Your words implied (I may have read them wrong) that even making that guy wait didn't help.. he still fucked and ran. So he proved himself to be exactly the same mindset as the guys you were attracting for casual hookups... so no wonder he left after he got it. The fact that YOU felt more for him didn't change what kind of man he was.. it never does.

And we're back to the WHY, not the WHEN again. You WITHHELD sex with Fuck N' Run guy to MAKE him fall for you before sex. It was your insurance against getting screwed over because you actually had feelings for this guy... In trying to be powerful, you revealed your weakness - it's still manipulation. It's still you wanting something in return for the sex you made him wait for. And it wasn't about what YOU truly felt comfortable with, because you were still dependent on the outcome, and on him wanting a more serious relationship with you. Since you were dealing with the same kind of guy, and NOT with a normal, regular man who is at least OPEN to having a relationship beyond sex, it was doomed even if you waited 2 YEARS to fuck him. If THAT was ALL he wanted, he'll leave once he got it. Yes, he was UNWORTHY of being in a relationship with you, clearly. HE FAILED. But you also played a part when you picked him, and when you stayed with him, and when you withheld sex to get something from him, and when you had sex with him because you felt it had been "long enough" to "prove" he wasn't going to fuck n' run. I'm NOT saying you're stupid or a fool or blaming women for being tricked by assholes. All I'm saying is take SOME responsibility for CHOOSING that asshole, but don't beat yourself up for it, and don't become bitter and disillusioned about love because you made a mistake and got hurt. There are many wonderful men out there, including one you will love, who will adore you every day for the rest of your life!

yeah and sexuality begins at birth.

bite me

And speaking of adoring men... my Libra is home from work now, and I'm feeling like getting some lovin's, so I'm out of here!

*kisses*

Posted by Lauren89

Posted by Nefer
Then I apologize for misinterpreting your words, Lauren.

It's ok. Giving up pussy hasn't backfired on me. Trying to find the big love has backfired on me.

For me all that matters are the intentions of the guy and what kind of guy he is. Because getting into a relationship with the cheating kind is not an achievement...

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I've never slept with anyone until I thought it WAS the big love. Maybe that's your problem here. When single, I didn't go there until I was in love and trusted the person. That takes time, but it sure did weed out a lot of the users and losers. And I was never left feeling disrespected. I've never even considered sex without love worth it. If there's no emotional connection, there's no point for me. But then, I'm a water sign. 😛

If this isn't the way you do things, there's nothing wrong with that, but just stop analyzing it so much. Just do it when YOU'RE ready. Any dude is gonna want it right from the start, but it's your body. If that's ALL he wants, yeah he'll take off if you don't give it up, but then you won't have lost your self respect.

Well, I tend to think women are, for the most part, fooling themselves when they think they can have no-strings sex and not become attached. Not saying it's true for all, but I've seen too many women start out that way with someone claiming they had no emotional ties, only to be devastated later. I'm gonna put my Freud hat on now... 😉

Was your Dad around when you were a kid?

I'm a water sign but I don't need to be in love or have a major emotional connection to have sex.

I'm more air than water though.

Emotions are seriously overrated. 😛

Oh and Sea Siren nice to see you back. 🙂

LOL I have a lot of air, too. Hey, if you really can do it, more power to you! It's when you start getting hurt repeatedly, I think you have to consider changing up your approach to protect yourself a little more.

Thanks, Miss Pirate. Who are you? Methinks you must have changed your screenname since we last met. 🙂

"mOST of women yeah. But not me. The secret is to be emotionally unavailable for your fwb and you must know whom to pick. If all is your idea and he is just there to offer sex when you ask him to then you are fine. If he wants to have the upper hand or even have an opinion and dares to say no to sex even once then you should dump him as soon as possible both as a friend and as a lover"

For me FWB is all about setting boundaries and agreeing on what your expectations are. You both have to be on the same page.

Not sure I understand what you mean Lauren about how the secret is to be emotionally unavailable. Surely if it's only FWB then it's a given that there are no emotions involved anyway?

Sea that is true. I think it all depends on your motivation for doing it in the first place.

And yeah this is my 3rd reincarnation on here lol, my last was Thetis. 🙂

Sweet T!!! Can it really be?? How the hell are you? 🙂

Aww...thanks Val! Yeah, the great Ms. Linda. She was the shiz.

Dolls, I'm gonna have to disagree that emotions are overrated where sex is concerned. I've had both, and for this fish, sex with emotion kicks no-strings' a $ $ . 😛 Even when it's down and dirty on the kitchen floor with someone you love, it's way bettah. Actually, maybe ESPECIALLY then. lol

Well, I think if you keep getting hurt, yeah, something IS wrong about it. That's all I'm saying, Lauren.

lol Yeah, I get it because I used to say pretty much the exact same thing before I experienced the other side of the coin. Mutual love transforms. One-sided love hurts like hell.

Posted by Sea Siren
Sweet T!!! Can it really be?? How the hell are you? 🙂

Aww...thanks Val! Yeah, the great Ms. Linda. She was the shiz.

Dolls, I'm gonna have to disagree that emotions are overrated where sex is concerned. I've had both, and for this fish, sex with emotion kicks no-strings' a $ $ . 😛 Even when it's down and dirty on the kitchen floor with someone you love, it's way bettah. Actually, maybe ESPECIALLY then. lol

I'm pretty good thanks! So how are things with you, still with the Scorp? 😉

I completely agree Sea. When I said emotions are overrated I was talking more in general, I'm not all that emotional a person that's all. Of course sex is better when you have that with someone, the no-strings thing with me was at a time where I wasn't looking for anything else, so it served a purpose as it were.

Posted by Lauren89
I am not trying to change your mind.

If you cannot do it by all means stick to your own ways. What it works for each person I guess.

Not trying to change your mind, it just sounded like, from your posts yesterday, you weren't happy with the way these things were turning out. And life's too short to be unhappy! 😉

T - Yeah, still with the same guy. 🙂

How are things going on the job front for you? I've been meaning to ask if other Pisces are dealing with big changes on the career front. I sure am! I'm glad things are finally breaking loose, but now I'm kind of confronted with too many options at once and not sure what to do. BOO! Always somethin'!

Posted by Sea Siren

Posted by Lauren89
I am not trying to change your mind.

If you cannot do it by all means stick to your own ways. What it works for each person I guess.

Not trying to change your mind, it just sounded like, from your posts yesterday, you weren't happy with the way these things were turning out. And life's too short to be unhappy! 😉

T - Yeah, still with the same guy. 🙂

How are things going on the job front for you? I've been meaning to ask if other Pisces are dealing with big changes on the career front. I sure am! I'm glad things are finally breaking loose, but now I'm kind of confronted with too many options at once and not sure what to do. BOO! Always somethin'!

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Aw that's great so happy for you! 🙂

I've had oodles of big changes on the job front for the past 2 years. Was paid off from a job then got another then was paid off from that then got a job that I ended up HATING and I'm only recently in a position in the voluntary sector. It's a great place to work and the people are lovely but I'm feeling really bored at the moment. Then again I do get that a lot lol. Damn gemini moon!

Posted by Days22
No strings attached sex can be just as down and dirty. Idk why people want to be so blah during sex. How boring

no strings attached sex is like eating cheesies for dinner...

you crave it.. there's nothing of substance around... so you cave...

but you're not satisfied... and wake up in the morning with a stomach ache thinking... Why the HELL did I do that! LOL!

It also takes a lot of work for me cause I have to get really creative and throw myself into the sex to compensate for the lack of emotional interest on my part. Then the guy falls hard, thinking I must be so into him to get down like that. Then I feel even worse because now HIS emotions are involved, but I have to bounce before it gets even more complicated.

I'm so over this scenario. I'd much rather wait.

Posted by shellshocker

Posted by Days22
No strings attached sex can be just as down and dirty. Idk why people want to be so blah during sex. How boring

no strings attached sex is like eating cheesies for dinner...

you crave it.. there's nothing of substance around... so you cave...

but you're not satisfied... and wake up in the morning with a stomach ache thinking... Why the HELL did I do that! LOL!

It also takes a lot of work for me cause I have to get really creative and throw myself into the sex to compensate for the lack of emotional interest on my part. Then the guy falls hard, thinking I must be so into him to get down like that. Then I feel even worse because now HIS emotions are involved, but I have to bounce before it gets even more complicated.

I'm so over this scenario. I'd much rather wait.

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I love this !!! SO true! ShellShocker.... i got updates from the old pisces... he totally played me!!! i am so angry right now!!!! I know he never made a promise to me or anything but he told me we will see eachtoher again and i should go see him also.... and now i found out he got back with his ex!!! he even took her on a vacation ... so i guess i was just a distraction for him ... because after all he just wanted to get back with her! So I am definitely over with Pisces men.... 😢

Posted by Days22
Yeah I guess I felt that way after a one night stand.

But with FWB, Ive had some doozies.

The world would be a better place if everyone was kinky.

lol Who says people in relationships aren't kinky? Am I an anomaly? 😛 Actually, the more comfortable you are with someone, the safer you will feel to unleash each and every one of your wildest fantasies.

Anonymous, no-strings sex between strangers, I get. It's the FWB I'll never get - there's a string there. And any time I've thought about even kissing one of my guy friends, it was like thinking about kissing my brother. EW! It would have been just like that scene in the car in "Back to the Future" when Marty's mom comes after him. Plus, nothing wrecks a good friendship faster than sex, or one person developing feelings that aren't returned by the other. I'd rather keep my friendships. I've worked too hard to build them over the years.

Oooookay. I think I understand this a little better, now. I guess I'm far too picky to have ever done FWB, then.

I've never just liked someone "a little bit." I'm either all into them or not at all. Too extreme, I guess. I blame my Scorpio rising. 😉

I get you now, Lauren. Hey, whatever works for you and makes you happy! That's all that matters.

Posted by Lauren89
I saw the difference of how love can make you feel bad at my last one night stand.

I knew him only a little bit, I invited him to sleep at my place. In the morning we had sex and after sex we both covered up and I walked him to the door. Having my morning cup of tea felt so much better because I didnt have to worry if he wants me too, if this will turn into a relationship, if another woman waits for him. It was just a relief!

I didn't even kiss him goodbye. After sex was over I was back to my clothes and walking him to the exit. I said thank you ofcourse for the good service 😛

And then I moved on.

did you skip the part where he left money on your nightstand?

do you do anal and oral with your fwb's?

i'm being serious.

what she described sounds absolutely disgusting and i don't get bragging about over the last several pages then having the nerve to talk about not believing in love. you're disgusting.

you've been explaining this bullshit for the last 10 fucking pages.

i get it. you enjoy bending over.

congrats. how's that working for ya?

maybe it's a foreign thing or a slut thing but overall, the notion that women are empowering themselves by having sex "like men" is asinine. it implies that it's natural for men to treat their sex partners as objects rather than people.

this chick's mating ritual is akin to what you see on front lawns throughout suburbia. it usually involves two neighborhood dogs and a water hose but eh...same diff.

i think it's very sad and extremely pitiful to brag about this behavior on this level. it's one thing to do you, get yours and i would never fault a woman for reacting to and responding to her physical desires. but that's not what this is about. she has a system by which she conducts these sexual transactions. the only thing that's missing is the exchange of payment.

the cold nature by which she described that last encounter makes me feel as if her soul is dying. sex really isn't THAT important to debase yourself on such a level.

plus, his dick was probably small 😛

or maybe it's as Mel Gibson recently said....

"YOU HAVE NO FUCKING SOUL!!!"

mel...AWESOME! 😄

wow you "suck"...literally and apparently often.

i say that you stop wasting your time and accept now that no man will ever love you and go back to your nameless, faceless, cheap sex.

i'm on a website reading about the whorish antics of some self-pitying chick who would rather be fucked over than loved by someone else let alone herself.

of course i'm wasting time....DUH!

what's really sad about you is, you claim to be happy and yet you've spent the past couple days talking about how unhappy you actually are. maybe if you integrate oral and anal into your next fwb encounter you'll be all the more fulfilled? i mean, maybe it's not that you want love, maybe you're just bored with simply laying on your back? spice things up a bit!

so i'm guessing that the difference between "relationship" and "fwb" for you is that the former involves kissing and instead of him leaving before dawn, he shares a cup of tea with you? he might even get to keep his toothbrush in the medicine cabinet?

girls are stupid.

yes, the medicine cabinet is a sacred space...but your vagina is WIDE OPEN!

god only knows how much has been crammed into that thing.

agreed. that's sorta why i was confused. she claims to be so happy and yet she's hijacked the thread to talk about her open door policy with regard to her vagina.

what is her sun sign?

chance, who said i was mad at you?

i recognize you for what you are. an instigator. it gets old. if you're gonna start shit, at least let it be about something other than your own personal amusement. personally, i choose to ignore you for the most part. it's whatever. do you.

if she wants to go down on a navy fleet, go for it. as i said, a woman can do with her body what she chooses.

what i'm talking about is the fact that she's spent the last two days pitying herself and complaining about not finding love and how sad that makes her while simultaneously trying to convince others that back surfing makes her happy.

she's fooling herself but immaturity will do that to ya.

i'm mad cause i asked your sun sign?

i asked because i want to insure that when i have children i don't curse them with your placement.

you're fucked...literally.