Apologizing...

Here is my dilemma: I hurt someone pretty bad a while ago. This person was my support, my mentor, my best friend, my saving hand for about 3 years. We went through so much together and even tho we were so different and he had so many things that I couldn't put up with, we still shared something that not many people have in a life time.

I couldn't stay with him anymore and I left. I completely crushed his world. I didn't realize it at the time, but now I do. And trust me I paid for it plenty and keep paying (karma does exist). We tried to stay friends after that, but I felt like he always had a hope that we??ll end up together.

We completely stopped talking about 8 months ago. There have been so many times that I wanted to talk to him, needed his friendship, but I didn't want to be selfish and never contacted him.

Now his B-Day is coming and I really have been thinking about him a lot and feeling so so bad about what I did to him.

The question is: should I apologize and admit that I was very wrong and that I cannot stress how sorry I was or just let it be? I do not want to give him any kinds of hopes, because we were never meant, but I want him to know that he is my favorite person and I cherish everything that he was to me and did for me.

Selfish of me or should I do it?

I would be glad to find out that he moved on, because I want only the best for him. He deserves it and I in no way want to intrude on his happiness. But sometimes I just feel like he needs to hear that it was my fault and he didn't deserve that.

Just trying to correct my mistakes I guess, but afraid to do more damage...

I appreciate the advice bling!

haha don't be scared, i'm no one you know....just seen people call you that around these boards. got no clue why

I know Bells, I had a couple people contacting me out of the blue as well.

But I guess it makes it more complicated for my situation above, since we both are ruled by Mercury....

I also feel that if I do not do it right now, I'll never have the courage again.

" But sometimes I just feel like he needs to hear that it was my fault and he didn't deserve that. "




So far, everything you have said is describing you, and your own feelings of guilt, betrayal, and a longing to be with him again or at least a longing to soothe your aching heart for what you did to him. And I would imagine that this is coming from you wanting him again, eventhough you are the one who threw him away.


In saying that ^^^^^^^^ you have made this thread sound like he is the aching and not being to handle life because life could only continue for him with you in it.

That's ^^^^ how you make it sound .... "I completely crushed his world. I didn't realize it at the time, but now I do."




When in reality, it's been 8 months and he hasn't been bothered enough by it to contact you ... however, you are quite bothered by it ...

"There have been so many times that I wanted to talk to him, needed his friendship, but I didn't want to be selfish and never contacted him."




This is a quality in Gemini that is very disturbing to me. When a Gem needs a person because they (Gem) is feeling small/pathetic about something ... then they approach the issue as if it's the other person in desperation for them (Gem) ..... and I guess this is for the self-esteem, I don't know, I'm not a Gemini.


If you want to be real, and not be a bitch ... then leave him alone.

Posted by BellaBulleautiful
then you should do.
I'm a firm believer in going with our guts.I've fought mine all my life,and well, quite frankly I eff'd my life up pretty bad....🙂
so now I'm just gonna go with it.

Yes my gut feeling is right a lot of times, but a lot of times I choose to ignore it. As I said before you are my emotional guru with your insights, so thank you!

Fair enough P! That's why I'm posting, because I do not want to be that bitch who keeps being selfish, but something in my head tells me that I need to apologize. So I'm a bit confused with what I'm feeling and the reality of things. Thanks for the feedback!

If you feel like you need to apologize, then apologize .. afterall, you have to live with yourself.

Just make sure you realize this is you and not him .. thus far you have made yourself to believe that he NEEDS you to do this, when this is in error, Lana.


YOU need you to do it.


And if you approach him with the self-deception of him needing you, then this is how you are going to present yourself ...... and since he doesn't care enough to be bothered for a whole 8 months, then it's likely he doesn't care enough to even care that you are apologizing to him ... so, if you present yourself to him as if you are answering his calling out to you because he needs you to do this ..... then the only outcome for you is going to be further guilt and pain.



My words to you are only in place so you can understand fully here .......... he is NOT needing you to do this .... YOU ARE.

I can't believe I'm saying this but I'll have to agree with you on that P, I need to do it for myself. I guess the question remains, if he long forgot about me and doesn't need the apology, then I shouldn't be barging into his life and stirring shit up?

I wouldn't ... but, I'm a Fish, which means I have the ability to completely disconnect from any emotional attachment I might have had, no matter how devastating it was.



Perhaps, you'd be wiser to set-up a social situation, that included many people, in which he was present .... so you could gauge his feelings in regards to your presence there before you launched an emotional pursuit upon him.

Because that is what you are seeking you know .... after all the bullshit is peeled away.


You need for him to say to you ..... "It's ok, I forgive you." And he might say, "Get the fuck out of my face, bitch".



Then what are you going to do? Since, what you are seeking is redemption in his response to you.

If he says "it's ok I forgive you" that would make me happy, I won't lie. If he says "get the fuck out of my face", I will, because I deserved it.

I think I would rather try and do it even if I get a slap on a face back from him, than wondering the whole life if I should've done it. But once again I'm afraid to do any further damage.

If you feel the need to apologize than do it. But just make sure you make your intentions clear to him as not to give him false hope. You can only give him false hope if you do it in a way that is unclear or misleading as to your intentions. I am a firm believer of doing what your gut tells you because I usually find that no matter what the response from the other party is... if you did things with the best of intentions and without selfish disregard, than you can live with the fact that you ultimately did what you felt was right and that all you can do. I know that I have learned that in the end.... putting yourself out there whether it results in the prefered conclusion or not.... you did ALL you could do and you can at least sleep at night knowing that much. I say go for it but be honest and forthright about it. You cant predict his response, so dont even try to... just do what you feel you need to do.

My opinion anyway!!

Posted by Gizmo
If he says "it's ok I forgive you" that would make me happy, I won't lie. If he says "get the fuck out of my face", I will, because I deserved it.

I think I would rather try and do it even if I get a slap on a face back from him, than wondering the whole life if I should've done it. But once again I'm afraid to do any further damage.

There you have it.... my post was pretty much that... but I was typing when you posted this!! LOL!

Yeah ....P is definately right on the money. I don't understand why you cannot just send a letter or an email. Chances are this guy has finally started to move on and all you are going to do is rehash old memories for him. Be satisfied that maybe he is starting to find happiness again. If you come into the picture and he liked you that much .....wouldn't you be rehashing old feelings again ....and maybe in a sense giving him false hope? My personal opinion the biggest gift you could give him is to leave him alone. You can apologize through other means.

I know when my Pisces ex-bf would keep trying to keep coming in and out of my life .....I finally had to cut him off for good. I could not keep having this false hope, or continue to bang my head against a brick wall .....that is what it was like having him in my life. I finally learned to say NO. I believe there are some people that are simply just way too toxic for our own well being. It is not one persons fault, however sometimes there are people who just are not good for one another. I think maybe in these instances .....the relationship is unbalanced .....usually one person feels more deeply about the other person than they feel about them. It is only fair to let others find happiness and balance .....even if it is not with us.

PD

Posted by LeoLadyLovesToBeLoved
If you feel the need to apologize than do it. But just make sure you make your intentions clear to him as not to give him false hope. You can only give him false hope if you do it in a way that is unclear or misleading as to your intentions. I am a firm believer of doing what your gut tells you because I usually find that no matter what the response from the other party is... if you did things with the best of intentions and without selfish disregard, than you can live with the fact that you ultimately did what you felt was right and that all you can do. I know that I have learned that in the end.... putting yourself out there whether it results in the prefered conclusion or not.... you did ALL you could do and you can at least sleep at night knowing that much. I say go for it but be honest and forthright about it. You cant predict his response, so dont even try to... just do what you feel you need to do.

My opinion anyway!!

That's how I feel as well. But I also try to think from his perspective and what it would do to him if I make a contact.

Posted by Pisces_Dream
Yeah ....P is definately right on the money. I don't understand why you cannot just send a letter or an email. Chances are this guy has finally started to move on and all you are going to do is rehash old memories for him. Be satisfied that maybe he is starting to find happiness again. If you come into the picture and he liked you that much .....wouldn't you be rehashing old feelings again ....and maybe in a sense giving him false hope? My personal opinion the biggest gift you could give him is to leave him alone. You can apologize through other means.

I know when my Pisces ex-bf would keep trying to keep coming in and out of my life .....I finally had to cut him off for good. I could not keep having this false hope, or continue to bang my head against a brick wall .....that is what it was like having him in my life. I finally learned to say NO. I believe there are some people that are simply just way too toxic for our own well being. It is not one persons fault, however sometimes there are people who just are not good for one another. I think maybe in these instances .....the relationship is unbalanced .....usually one person feels more deeply about the other person than they feel about them. It is only fair to let others find happiness and balance .....even if it is not with us.

PD

PD, i was going to write an email, I'm not planning to show up on his doorsteps or even call, since I do not know what his current situation is if he's with someone who would get offended with me calling him.

"It is not one persons fault, however sometimes there are people who just are not good for one another." Sadly so...

"PD, i was going to write an email, I'm not planning to show up on his doorsteps or even call, since I do not know what his current situation is if he's with someone who would get offended with me calling him."

Gizmo - Okay that is good. I am just trying to say be mindful of the sensitivity of his feelings. I think apology will help put some closure for you which is a good thing. I think forgiveness is something that helps heal wounds for all involved. I don't even know what his sign is ...but don't be surprised if he does react well to your apology. Sometimes wounds can run deep and can take a while to heal.

Best of luck Gizmo!!

PD

i just think you need some closure....just call him apologize, wish him well, and move on....it should make you feel better

I've been thinking about this the whole day. If I apologize and he didn't move on yet, it might give him the hope again or like P said he might tell me to go fuck myself. If I apologize and he did move on, I think both of us might benefit.
His b-day is in 7 days, so I'll contact him to wish happy birthday and i guess will go from there. Gosh I really hope he found a nice girl for himself. I really do!