Closure

Do you want closure at the end of a relationship when you are the one who got dumped out of the blue? I do yet rarely get it. Only ever had it with a fellow aries. Please share your experiences with this and what your sign and theirs was. Also if you did the dumping and was asked why, would you be honest?

Posted by wclv
...Also if you did the dumping and was asked why, would you be honest?

Heh I've given my fair share of the following...

"Babygirl...Its not you...Its me..."
Usually with a dramatic pause and a heavy sigh somewhere in between

A few minutes later... "Well, gotta go!"

Posted by lanathegreat
...I've been dumped many times and I'm not afraid to admit it...

What?!?! Who would DARE dump my dear, sweet Lana? *Grin*
Clearly its just a matter of finding better men.

Posted by lanathegreat

When I dump someone, I do not tell the truth why if I knew it would hurt them.

In all seriousness, there are times when you're slating someone that even if you do give them the 100% truth, it still isn't enough to give them closure. I've found that sometimes the closure you seek can't be given by the other person, no matter how truthful or how honest the end is. Such is the way of love.

Posted by wclv
Do you want closure at the end of a relationship when you are the one who got dumped out of the blue? I do yet rarely get it. Only ever had it with a fellow aries. Please share your experiences with this and what your sign and theirs was. Also if you did the dumping and was asked why, would you be honest?

wtf—? lol, seriously ... people are just so lol, that one almost has to piss themselves.


Closure from a person who kicked your ass to the curb?


So, you actually ...........WANT......... to hear him/her say ..


Fuck you, you fucking slut bitch, get your stanky ass away from me ...





Really?


You are really craving closure from a person who tossed you away?

Are you expecting them to say ..... oh baby, I love you so much and this is why I can't see you anylonger, because I just love you so much that I have to fuck my morning donut just thinking about your sweet nectar.

What is it you expect this person to tell you?


That it isn't you? That you are wonderful and s/he is fucked up?

That there is someone else, but, it's not your fault?

That the love I have for you is too strong, and so it's too scarry?

That I never loved you in the first place?








wtf is the matter with you?


Can you not comprehend that your humility of being smashed against the curb as s/he tossed you out of his/her heart as being The End?

Posted by Archer

... what difference does it make, to hear it—

Well I think that was the point of the OP. There are people that NEED to connect the "loss" to something more tangible. Often times whats tangible to a person are these words that will hopefully give them meaning.

Something I've observed and experienced as the "Dumper"...
There are certain people that will push and pry as to "Why did you break up with me?", "Why did you leave me?". You can give them an answer, open and honest, and it still won't be good enough. So they'll continue to press and push. You try to be civil and explain it to them again. Perhaps in a different way that is more digestible. Again not good enough so they continue. Push again until they illicit a negative and hostile response out of you. This is the point where the "dumpee" gets their closure because mentally, they weren't seeking the "Words" but that "hostile reaction" because they now justify you leaving because you're now a jerk, asshole, . That's tangible to them.

I would tell the truth when ending things and if I was broken up with out of the blue with no explanation I'd wonder why, but if they don't have the guts to tell me then I'll leave it as their problem. If this is always happening to you though do you all your ex's have the same personality type/qualities? (maybe time for a new type of guy?)

I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting closure. You get into a relationship, put you heart, your emotions into it.... don't you at least deserve to hear the WHY'S and HOW'S to what went wrong. Aren't you owed that at least for the effort YOU put forth. Every relationship that ends you should take a valuable lesson from. Learn and grow so next person that comes around you know you faults/strengths and maybe even become a better person for it.

I believe someone who slinks away from a relationship without a word is a coward. And yes it happened to me. I didn't get a WORD or a warning that it was even going to end. ..... then to find out a year later the fucker had gotten married and been engaged for half the time we were in a relationship.


That's all I'm going to say about that but........ I DID get my closure. Yes indeed I did.

I was only dumped once...by an Aqua. 😢
I didn't really care why. He's fucking wierd. Who knowssss

Sure, I was confused why he bothered tracking me down in the first place, smotherthing me for several weeks, telling me he was in love... when he would then decide he just changed his mind.
"I changed my mind" doesn't provide closure. It makes you question their sanity.

He's been dating a cancer girl ever since.




Oh the irony.

If their had been alot of fighting going on then their leaving would be self evident. But if they gave no indication of any problems and left without a word how can you not wonder? It would be like your boss giving you an excellent review then the next day there is a guard at the door with your check and a box of your stuff. no explanation, boss wont see you and you are escorted to your car forever wondering wtf?

Posted by VirgoHero

Posted by Archer

... what difference does it make, to hear it—

Well I think that was the point of the OP. There are people that NEED to connect the "loss" to something more tangible. Often times whats tangible to a person are these words that will hopefully give them meaning.

Something I've observed and experienced as the "Dumper"...
There are certain people that will push and pry as to "Why did you break up with me?", "Why did you leave me?". You can give them an answer, open and honest, and it still won't be good enough. So they'll continue to press and push. You try to be civil and explain it to them again. Perhaps in a different way that is more digestible. Again not good enough so they continue. Push again until they illicit a negative and hostile response out of you. This is the point where the "dumpee" gets their closure because mentally, they weren't seeking the "Words" but that "hostile reaction" because they now justify you leaving because you're now a jerk, asshole, . That's tangible to them.

click to expand

Yeah, I've seen this time and time again VH. I have one particular girlfriend who will say, "I just want to know the truth, it doesn't matter, etc." The guy will tell her...whatever...and she'll spin it, "Well, if he doesn't like me anymore then why did he do X for me/with me." or "I know he said, X, but he can't mean that because we had so much fun together/the sex was good/I took care of him, etc" Regardless of what the guy will say, she will always try to rationalize things. I'm with the poster who said, "Do you really want to know that he thinks your ass is too big, etc." Once we are over, I don't give a damn what he thinks about me... what the hell would be the point. It's like that book that a lot of people don't like, but is true "He's just not that in to you!" That doesn't mean you are a bad person, it just means you two aren't meant to be together. Trust me, I have had my heart broken before too, and there were times in my past where I would have wanted "closure" but now at this time and stage in my life - I could care less.

i feel bad. i'm always the the 'dumper'.

haha im with Lana, i could also write a book, the last one...

he was a cancer with cappy moon i guess....im a taurus/gem cusp with saggy moon...
it was all rainbows and pots of gold and one day without a real logical reason he told me to forget about him in reply to a msg that i sent him....


nice ne?

Posted by wclv
If their had been alot of fighting going on then their leaving would be self evident. But if they gave no indication of any problems and left without a word how can you not wonder? It would be like your boss giving you an excellent review then the next day there is a guard at the door with your check and a box of your stuff. no explanation, boss wont see you and you are escorted to your car forever wondering wtf?

What the fuck does it matter why, wclv? You're fired, leave with your head held high. What is it you want? You want him to tell you why he thought you were fucked up and wrong for the job? What is it you want to hear?


Is the issueing you out of the door, not enough to tell you .... you don't work here anylonger?



If you find yourself being dumped without reasons, except for a few Aries people, then this is saying that you get dumped, often. For every Aries that you dated, statistically, this means that there were 11 others.

so, you get dumped alot .... I'm beginning to comprehend what your real issue is here.

You say you want closure ... what you really want to know is why you get dumped alot. If you knew that, then you would be able to recognize when you are getting ready to get kicked to the curb alot, and then have a reason in your mind.

Posted by sagigoat
and i can never understand hostile breakup or "hostile reaction" or "kick arse to the curb". ppl break up a bond or a possibility of a future bond for various reasons sometimes it's simply the best choice for both not necessarily due to lack of love. there are also different levels/types of love not all of them are good for something further. i have never processed or perceived any breakup as "hostile". maybe that's why i was greatly hurt and confused when my libra ex kept asking me for a while why i still treat him so well shouldn't we hate each other bc of the breakup coz that's what ppl do. i did ended up convering him to my pov but it did take a lot out of me.

I would agree with you, except that isn't the case here. You are talking about how you percieve a breakup, and that isn't the case here.



She said ... dumped .. which implies to be left hanging without knowledge.

For a person to get dumped .. it is the opposite of two people sitting down and discussing calmly the reasons for the breakup, so both people can venture off happily.


For this particular situation ...... she was dumped .. that is the situation .. what would be an ideal choice for two people to do this is a nice idea .. make a thread for it then.

Posted by lanathegreat

Oh thanks sweetie! 🙂 English is not my first language, more like third. Maybe that's why...I'm a gemini tho.

I'm always the one feeling that chemistry, the more I'm with person the more I feel it. I guess for guys it's different...Ah screw it, I'm enjoying my single life now!

What's language #1 and #2? You can't really tell English isn't your first language in how you write. Very interesting.

Posted by sagigoat
oh ginger that man... what a bastard!!! it's a great thing that you don't end up with him. ugly human being.

Yes he was. I'll take responsibility on MY part for being stupid enough not to catch on (it was LDR) but that still isn't an excuse. I was dumb. That's what makes it so hard is how ignorant I was to believe in his BS lies. But after I found out how big of a bastard he really was. BAM . Closure.

I'm way better off now anyway 🙂

Posted by Archer

Posted by sagigoat
Saturn opposition Sun
Saturn opposition Mercury
Saturn opposition Venus
Saturn opposition Jupiter



Can you imagine?? yes i think knowing astrology pays lol. when you see the above listed, RUN.

sagi, that is the aspect of Natal Chart ,, or of 'composite chart' between two people..—


months ago, maybe you (or mystic fish)..I dont remember exactly, posted links to "dangerous pairing" .. on aspects between ''Saturn and Neptune''.. and last night I noticed, I had a Saturn Square Neptune with my virgo ex.. (which basically means we are afraid / chip down on eachother's confidence and success.. )

with the cap ... saturn sextile neptune (causing asceticism.. so true... 2yrs and no sex.. yet so much emotions) + Neptune in first house of composite chart.. indicating confusion on how to proceed.

with this new scorp ... saturn trine neptune (Idealism, Idealism) lol

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Sweetness, do you still have those links to "dangerous pairings"? You got me curious

Posted by lanathegreat
alright alright VH i'll tell you 😛

*Cocky laugh* Ahh...nothing like when they finally acquiesce 🙂

Posted by lanathegreat
alright alright VH i'll tell you 😛

I was born in the Ukraine. #1 Russian, #2 Ukrainian, #3 English

click to expand

Absolutely amazing, Lana. It always impresses me when someone speaks several languages.
Plus that accent must be hot when you're mad. *grin*

Posted by Archer

Posted by VirgoHero

Sweetness, do you still have those links to "dangerous pairings"? You got me curious

sweetheart.. you got involved in one, 'dangerous pairing' I mean?? 😛

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Who me? No! *Polishes his halo*
I'm tragically single and will happily be so for for awhile.

Just curious. Nothing more. Must seek truth and knowledge.

Posted by Archer

tragically single and happily so.... —?
contradictions my lord..
😛

Woman! Stop avoiding my request! Bring me my links!

Please 🙂

Okay, I am going to go read these links myself, I am sure I will be back! Thanks for the links folks!