Handeling Breaks, BreakUps, Stress...ECT

So heres the thing. When I go through a break up and I really miss the person and I don't speak to them AT ALL. I tend to go into this depression, I dont want to eat or speak to anyone.
Ive had 3 Relationships do this to me. AND Im wondering WHY, does it consume me soo much?

Some of my friends say well at least youlll look great! But I dont feel great because Im hurting, I just want to sleep.

What are some things you go through during a break up?
What has worked for you not to be too sucked in by it all?

It's a grieving process and everyone goes through grief stages differently than others.

In other words, your response to break ups is normal. Comparing to others to see if you're "wrong" is just stupid. A lot of people do that but the reality is that everyone mourns differently and there's no real right or wrong way to handle it (aside from crime, drugs, and booze).

Some people have to cut that person off COLD TURKEY in order to move on

Others have to slowly but surely WEEN themselves off that person

I think both has its advantages. I've done a little bit of both. Depends on why we broke up

If we broke up b/c they did something truly deal breaking (hitting me, cheating with multiple people, living a double life, involvement in a crazy crime, etc.), I'll cut them off cold-turkey & really cling closely to my friends to help me get through it.

If we broke up over something small or something trivial, I'll just ween myself off of that person.

Whenever I feel like going back or reaching out to that person, I just call my friends/family & have them talk me through it. I try to practice impulse-control, which helps me to just endure the overwhelming emotion(s) I'm feeling at the moment. Once you practice doing that enough, it doesn't feel as impossible to do as time goes on

Whether I cut them off cold turkey or slowly ween off of them, I still shut down emotionally no matter what. I stop having sex with them, stop communicating with them consistently like before, stop arguing with them, lower my expectations of them, & stop doing the things or going to the places I did when we were together

Shutting down from the world though is a BAD move b/c it only encourages you to sit there & wallow in self-pity, which only leads to you impulsively reaching out to them, which usually then leads to them doing/saying something that just hurts you more, which leads to you repeating the cycle of self-pity all over again, which just leads to you becoming a "victim" which just leads to you prolonging your chances of not healing.

1 of the things I encourage to my patients who are struggling with moving on is for them to get out a piece of paper, write at the top "THE BULLSH**T I WILL HAVE TO DEAL WITH IF I STAY/GET BACK WITH THIS PERSON."

W/o writing this list, your mind only cycles back to the GOOD things about the relationship & the reasons why you should STAY, even if those reasons are irrational or shallow. Instead of enduring the overwhelming feels of anger, sadness or betrayal, your body/mind naturally wants to dodge that process which is why people start to conveinantly skip over the "bad things" & jump right to the good things.

That's why having the list is important. If you're counting on your sub-conscious mind to "remember" all the bad things, know that it won't b/c your brain will try to dodge THOSE truths b/c it is too emotionally overwhelming. The list is a way of gaining mind-control & training your mind to not think so 1-sided.

When people write this list, they don't necessarily forget about all the good things/times, BUT their thinking is at least balanced & realistic when they FORCE themselves to remember all the reasons why they broke up, all the pain they've endured as a result of being in a toxic relationship & all the reasons NOT to go back into the relationship

I've found that the people who make these lists & pull them out when they start feeling "sad" or like the breakup was somehow "their loss" even if that's not the case, I've found that these people tend to have an easier time moving on AND recovering from the trauma of the breakup.

I want to just sleep and eat cereal! LOL! I totally shut the other person out--if it's over it's over. I can't totally shut down because I have children. So I put on a brave front and know that as time passes it'll get easier.