Sigh. Cappie drama. Looking for insight.

hey. looking for insights / comments from cappies and those who know them. granted, this is more of a man / woman thing than anything else.
regarding the below, i have made my decision (and apparently he has, too) and i am standing by it until something changes. that said, i am human and still care, perplexed, trying to understand the psyche. though i have a few of my own theories about what is happening, what do you guys think? background: he's married, i'm married. both 40. no children, though he and his wife are trying to adopt after he waited 16 years to be OK with the idea (they've been together for 18, my husband and I for 9.) I am in the process of a divorce not just because i had an affair, but b/c both me and my husband deserve better and our marriage is over. Cap and i work together, which is how we met. months of flirting and both of us dancing around the obvious led to a physical relationship which took both of us by surprise for many reasons not the least of which that that we fell in love. there was never any of what's called "future faking" or either of us speaking ill of our other partners. initially, neither one of us could or was willing to make a definitive decision and the understanding was that we would keep on until one of us was or did. he made a move first, ended things on impulse because he felt so guilty. that lasted 2 days after which he was back, and i gladly say yes. went on for another 2 months and, when i was out of the country, he had a serious health issue and ended up in ICU (wife was not there. since they moved to where i am a year ago, she has been gone for most of the time.) that was the turning point for me. his illness made me realize a whole bunch of things 1 i wanted to be with him and no one else and 2 my marriage was over, for many other reasons. at that time, he too, made his decision because they got word that the 2 children to be adopted were 'ready' and they flew over to an African country to meet them. so of course, he broke it off. i respected it, accepted it and tried to move on as best i could but he didn't. he kept trying to reach out, to regain emotionally intimacy, and it nearly killed me but i resisted. i politely asked that he keep it professional, please respect my feelings and keep way from me. he tried to do that for about two months, after which it started again and this time i fell for it. we ended up being intimate while we were both on a weeklong work trip. and of course, you guessed it, 2 days later he said he was embarrassed, that he had made a decision to be with wife/family, he felt like a fool, etc. so that was the last straw for me. this flipflopping made me lose respect, in a way tamed my feelings. but again you guessed it, he continues. trying to get close, using work things as an excuse to write / email / call, any excuse, he uses it. i continue to resist, but i am not immune. thoughts? part of me thinks he's really conflicted. part of me thinks he's a cake-eater. thank you

Maybe his feelings really are genuine, maybe they aren't.
Either way if you return to what you had, it still equals eating of cake.
So I vote cake eater.

Posted by wagtail
Maybe his feelings really are genuine, maybe they aren't.
Either way if you return to what you had, it still equals eating of cake.
So I vote cake eater.

thank you wagtail.